Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Resident Evil characters, Capcom does. (this doesn't include the OC's that will be mentioned along the way.)
Leon stares at himself in the bathroom mirror, he is currently shirtless, having just gotten out of bed, on a Sunday morning, where the sun hadn't even showed itself yet, he's leaning forward at the sink in front of him that is also running and he pours some water in his hands as he brings it up to his face and cleanses it, he closed the tap after doing so, "Wake up Kennedy!", he shouts at himself gitty, he slaps himself across the face. It's been five weeks since he had admitted to himself that he has feelings for her...for Claire. He had been so confused ever since, he didn't know what to do, it had been bothering him so much for the past few weeks to the point that he had been absent-minded at work, with Chris, at the headquarters, and at the White House. Redfield had noticed his strange behavior by then and decided to take him out of the mission, told him to focus on whatever he's worried about and at his main work with the government, although Leon had insisted with his friend that he had spent a majority of his time to the assignment to back away now, after thinking of it for a while, Chris instead suggested that he will just be on call from now on, he won't be required to go every weekdays and he finally accepted.
But this doesn't change the fact that his performance as an agent got better, the government had started giving him warnings that if he continues to act like this, his paycheck will be cut down. He obviously didn't want that, especially now that he has three kids to support financially in a few months, he has a lot in his bank he will admit, but it's best to not be too comfortable when it's comes to earning money, also now that the expenses of bills and basic needs are inflating. Setting aside his financial burdens, he also plans to buy Claire and the children a decent house in the long run, he figured that it will be best for the kids to be in a large open space rather than an apartment, he isn't looking down on what Claire can afford but he is looking out for the well-being of the triplets and he's sure that she will understand, well...he expects her to deny the offer considering her down to earth nature but she will eventually give in after some explaining.
He also recalls the time he's been with Claire the night he secretly confessed to her, it was not technically a confession because she was not conscious to hear it but he admitted it to her, to himself, and ever since, he couldn't act like himself fully around her anymore, well- he's obviously hiding something, and now he's realizing that this was how Claire felt like for the span of 23 years of suppressing those feelings deep inside whenever she's around him, and she acted very normal doing it as well. While to him, it's only been a month and a half of realization and he's already giving up, he isn't the type of person to hide feelings, in fact he's bad at it, he always likes to express himself through his body language and words although he also sucks at speaking, and this already feels like he's torturing himself by not admitting it to Claire. But he can't though, he's afraid, knowing that when she expressed herself to him, he pushed her away and now he's expecting for her to do the same and he's scared.
It also isn't the only issue he's worried about, but he is literally torn between two women, one who's his best friend, partner, and about to become the mother of his children, and one who is a part of him that he can't possibly let go of, not ever. He desperately tries to rationalize everything about Ada and Claire, Ada is mysterious, unpredictable, and always gone. It was weird but he liked her personality, and Claire on the other hand is the most angel-like, joyful, and whenever he needs someone...she's always there. Leon once again looks at himself directly in the eye through the mirror, "Why do you have to do this to yourself- you bastard?!", he shouts at himself, gripping his hands on the sides of the sink angrily, he's had enough of himself, "You chose to fall for two people, now be a man and fucking choose!", he says in the loudest way he can until he breaks down, letting his body drop to the hard tile floor and his back to collide and lean on the wall behind him, he crawls into a fetal position as he sobs, he didn't want this at all, he rests his forehead on his arms as he hides his face with his body.
He tries to forget about everything in his present reality for a little while as he closes his eyes, breathes in and out slowly, calming himself down, and all he can think of now is his childhood, his mother, as he takes himself back to the time when he was 5 years old.
Leon is sitting at the dining table, a paper in hand and some crayons scattered on the table top, holding a crayon, he's coloring and just adding up final touches to his drawing of himself and his mother holding hands, he glances up to see his mother's reaction on his art, she was sitting by his side for about a minute now, she always had this habit of sitting down with him while he does his homework or just to simply talk with him about his certain curiosities. This time, he wanted to ask something different, "Mama?", he calls to her and she looks down at him and runs her fingers through his soft blonde hair, "Yes, my little lion?", it was his nickname, his mother gave him ever since he can remember.
Looking down again at his drawing and turning up again at her while fidgeting with the crayon he's holding, "Why is Papa always gone?", and he can see his smiling mother frown when she heard this, it was true, that his father was barely home, and when he was at a past hour usually, he ignores Leon and the young boy also sometimes hear him shout at his mother, he stares at his mom, expecting an answer, but she only kissed him on the head and hugged him tight.
"I'm afraid I can't answer that my boy, all I can say is that- he's busy.", she stated, "But, promise me you'll never be like him when you grow up...okay?", she requested to the little boy.
Out of curiousity of what she meant, his young and innocent mind can't help but ask, "Why can't I be like Papa?", he looked up at her and she knows she couldn't possibly lie to her son, instead she dismisses his thoughts by changing the topic.
"What about mama though? Why is she always with little Leon?", she asks her son back, and as a child, he forgot about his question and answered her, "Because mama loves Leon!", he screams happily and wraps his tiny arms halfway his mother's waist, enjoying her embrace as she also hugs him tightly.
He then found out years later that his father had been cheating on his mother with another woman who's younger than her, and he despises his old man for it. As he grew older, he promised to himself and to his mother's grave that he would never follow in his footsteps...but what have he done now? over the years of constant flinging with several women like Ada, Claire, Angela, Ashley, Helena...he is a flirt- a playboy even. The only serious relationship he's ever had in his lifetime was his ex-girlfriend back in 1998, he thought that maybe she scarred him for life to be like this as she ended her relationship with him. But going back to his main perception, he long broke it- before he knew it, broke his only promise and now he's torn, so torn. However, looking at it from a different perspective, his soon to be children's perspective and comparing them to his young self. He imagines that if he chooses Ada, he is no good as his own father, the selfishness of one man to choose to be with another woman other than their mother, but thinking of it again, his parents were already married when they had him, but he and Claire are not, so it totally changes everything. He won't be at fault for choosing Ada, as long as he is a present father...but what about- Claire? She would have to explain to their kids like how his mother did with him if ever they start asking about their father not being present at home...he doesn't want that to happen and he ruined her life, he really did, and the guilt is swallowing him up alive. He already loves her as much as he loves the first woman before her. He decides to let this thought hang on his head for another day, it was a bad idea but he can't deal will all of it now, he will totally lose it if he did, he sets aside his romantic feelings against his will as he thinks about his children again, they're the ones he should be worried about now, nothing and no one else.
Speaking of becoming a father, Leon despite being certain that he will fulfill his duty physically, mentally, and financially, like what he had promised Claire, he doesn't know how he will become a good dad, those are two completely different things, and considering that he never really had a positive father figure growing up with his "absent" biological dad, not including the police officer who saved him the day his parents were killed and he is lost, he needs to learn, oathing to himself that he will do his best. He reminisces of the time he heard those three lively heartbeats, "Lub...lub...lub-", the beat goes on and on for as long as he can imagine, it was like a lullaby that keeps his mind at ease, and he didn't really want it to end, that he would protect those three hearts to continue beating, because if those stopped...he will lose himself once more, they are the only solid reason now that he wanted to keep fighting for life and be the best version of himself that he can possibly be...and hopefully in turn, they will help choose the right path for their lost father.
