Chapter 13: Master Tassu
She couldn't quite remember her dream fully, but she remembered that her and Wolffe had had some of the shinies as their children with Warthog being the uncle encouraging them to set up their school's black market for animal shaped rubbers. Comet and Sinker were the sensible uncles that helped her care for the younger ones and Wolffe pretty much parented uncle Boost as much as he did his own children. Maybe it was a Cathar thing that kept forcing the idea of starting her own family into her mind. It was ridiculous, she was a Jedi. She could never have a child of her own.
She opened her eyes to see Master Plo next to her bed. He was so deep in meditation that it almost radiated from him. She wasn't sure if someone that wasn't Force-sensitive would feel it or if it was something innate within her, even if she tried to cut herself off from it. "You're alive." Were the first words out of her mouth. It was honestly stupid. Wolffe had told her that her Master was fine and as infuriating as Wolffe could be, she trusted him to tell the truth. Still, there was something different about seeing him with her own eyes. Feeling him properly in the Force. "You almost were not." His low voice said. She knew instantly that he wasn't best pleased. Obviously he was happy to see his Padawan awake, but she knew that Master Plo didn't really understand why she'd done what she had.
Some guilt washed over her. "Is Wolffe's hand okay?" She remembered that she'd bitten it but not how hard she'd done it or anything after that. She was sure that it hadn't been a pleasant experience for him but what worried her more was having scarred him further. To her, and she assumed most Cathar, scars were a sign of a strong warrior. Her instincts told her that the scars meant he'd give her young that would survive anything. Despite this, it hadn't been hard for her to guess how he felt about his scar. It caused him to feel such hate. She didn't want to be something he hated.
She heard the low chuckle of Plo Koon. The same chuckle had been imprinted into her brain since infancy. Although she didn't remember it, the first time she'd heard it was before she'd left Cathar. Apparently he'd found her pretending the teddy floating over to her littermate was nothing to do with her. She'd very obviously had her hand out and was focused but was still to learn the self-awareness and simple sneakiness required to even attempt to hide it or realise that others knew it was her. "His only injury was a little bruising to his pride." She then learnt that he'd apparently not left her side much. He'd pretty much commanded his general to stay by her side. Normally, a Jedi shouldn't and wouldn't accept insubordination like that. Plo admitted that he admired his commander somewhat for it. He had a strong sense of right and wrong and Plo was proud of him for insisting on the right thing being done. Even if it was as simple as making sure Ryn wouldn't wake up alone.
All that from a man she'd managed to hurt and terrify in her short time of fighting alongside him. It was all her fault. Wolffe's fear. Master Plo almost getting hurt. Her Master dying. Every problem since his death always came back to her uselessness to her Master and her responsibility in his death. She hadn't even been in the same system when it happened, but it often felt like she'd been the one to strike the killing blow. She'd remind herself of her guilt in the act every time she thought back on his teachings. She remembered back on things he would say during her failures and internally scolded herself with the words.
"Young one, you cannot continue to blame yourself." Master Plo was so gentle and caring. Not only in his words, but also in his actions. He helped her sit up as she shifted in discomfort at having to face his words. She wasn't a tooka but she certainly found comfort in him petting her like one. The feeling of his talons and leathery hands against her hair and scalp were right. They also made obvious his care for her in how gentle he made sure to be. The way he spoke made her want to believe him but Doryn found the idea of not blaming herself impossible. "Failure is the greatest teacher." Was all she could respond with. Any more would cause the tears again. She couldn't tell Master Plo her promise that she wouldn't get him killed like she did her previous Master. She didn't want to wail the way she had alone after learning of Master Tassu's passing. She hoped her actions did enough. She hoped that he knew that she'd truly learnt from her mistake.
"Now, little Ryn. I have a lesson for you." She was even closer to tears upon hearing his tone and words. She didn't remember her dad. She remembered less about her dad than she did about her siblings. The only thing that made her realise what she missed out on was her new Master. He'd always been what she'd imagined a father to be from the moment she came to the grand temple on Coruscant. She'd learnt from Plo when she was younger that failure taught through experience. She was later retaught by Master Tassu that failure taught through shame. Though, her first lesson in shame wasn't as a Padawan. A Master's careless wording and the words of her peers taught her, as a youngling, to feel shame for her pull to nature. Desire and want were what she recognised her pull to be. Later lessons between selfish want and guidance from the Force were much too late to rectify the issue. Her focus hadn't been on her Master's actions for a moment and only noticed when he sat back into the chair by her bed. In his hands was a pot filled with soil and from the soil grew a plant. She should've been able to identify the plant from the standard education younglings received but it was just a consequence of her refusal to connect to what she desired. "This is a shield of Andrasha geranium." He told his confused Padawan and handed it over to her. "This is the only thing you are responsible for keeping alive." She took it into her laps, holding it by the grey pot. She felt the indents in the ceramic of the entire pot. It felt like a regular design but Doryn wasn't sure as her eyes were on her Master. "But Master-" She began to protest, almost in worry. She wanted to continue but as soon as she heard Master Plo begin to speak, she shut herself up. "And the only way to learn its needs will be by connecting to it through the Force." She began to worry a bit more. She really wanted to accept the plant but her problem was that she wanted it. She wanted to connect with it in the Force and feel it but she knew wanting something so strongly was wrong. "But, Master, I can't." She shook her head a little for a couple of seconds and tried to hand him back the plant. She needed to trust the Force and not ignore it in place of her desires. "That is final, my Padawan. You are to learn, and I will've failed as your Master if I let you learn that such reckless behaviour is acceptable." She didn't quite understand her Master's intentions but it was the final permission she needed to hold it close. She let a smile take her lips and eventually her entire face as she held the plant and anticipated connecting with it.
