Ethan
Car horns may have been blaring, rain falling, and smog pumping, but Ethan felt light as he headed towards Hell's Kitchen Saturday morning.
There were few things better than spending a vacation watching your oldest friend fall in love. Especially when for Cole it was for the first time. For the last two weeks Ethan bared witness to his usually quietly content pal becoming steadily more and more elated. His steps quickened as if it would pass the time between seeing her again sooner. His smile came easier. He didn't use the word love but it was all over him like a mist. And Ethan decided it was his favorite view.
That wasn't to say he didn't have concerns. His own love story didn't have a happy ending, nor had Anna's. Far from it. It was a pain he didn't want for Cole, and in his darkest moments he wondered if it was a curse the three of them shared. So when Cole had gone single most of his twenties, Ethan didn't think much of it. In some ways he was jealous of that innocence. The phrase better to have loved and lost didn't ring true to Ethan. Likely because in his mind the love wasn't past tense. No, it would never be that. He was in love with one, and would be all his life. There wouldn't be another. He knew Anna also felt she was done in regards to love, though for different reasons.
It was a conversation he and Anna had the night before Cole came to tell them of Hayley's writing idea. Certainly both of their stories would come up at a point because they had intertwined with the three of them, so it had been on their minds. Talking about it had been a change as usually they both preferred to not have it at the forefront. Even if they accepted that pain was always there in the background. Waiting.
During their talk they decided the hardest part of telling their stories would be facing the stance they so often had with family. Not understanding, not hearing. It was never a concern with Cole, but he knew even his own parents looked at him a bit indulgently when he answered their relationship inquiries with his belief that no one else was out there for him. He knew when Anna said she was single because she was through with that chapter of her life it was usually met with a "you're still young." It was difficult for most people to look past their age. Worse yet they sometimes used it as a reason they needed to be in relationships. "What a waste" was a comment he knew got Anna angrier quicker than anything.
It wasn't as through he didn't date. Ethan knew himself enough to know he preferred the company of people, and sometimes that company was women. He was always upfront about his desire to keep things casual rather than pursue a relationship, and for the most part it worked for him. Just as he knew being on her own worked for Anna. He just hoped they could find another ally, especially when the source was someone falling for Cole.
It had him reminiscing, which was likely why he'd asked Hayley if they could meet. Being steeped in memories was as good a time as any to share them. Since Cole was shooting a wedding and Hayley didn't need to be to work until seven, it worked for all. If Cole was curious when Ethan told him he was spending the day with Hayley, he didn't voice it. They rarely had to after this long.
As he reached Hayley's building, he saw her hold the door open. Her blonde hair was shades lighter than his own, and piled high on her head. Her eyes were also blue like his, and again shades lighter. Was it the similar appearance that had them clicking as though they were siblings? No, he thought as his smile genuinely formed at the sight of her. It was deeper than that, the connection. Taking him back to other times they'd been close to being more than three, Ethan pushed that aside, letting himself be happy in the moment.
"You didn't have to meet me down here." He called to her.
"I didn't want you waiting in the rain, but it seems you didn't mind enough to bring an umbrella."
"Never had one of those. Might wear a hat if it gets real, but this?" He held up a damp hand as he jogged up the stairs. "Childs play."
"Can take the boy out of the PNW…." Hayley grinned and reached out to pull him indoors. "This is a great surprise!"
"I'm glad, then I don't have to feel guilty for stealing time from you and Michael Buble."
"One, as if you'd feel guilty. Two, I can see him any old time, you leave in a couple days. And three, he's working today."
"You're right on two of those, but we both know the way you two have been going you probably coulda gone to the wedding with him." He grinned as they reached her apartment and she swatted at him.
"Exactly why it's good to have a chill day. Want anything?" She gestured to the kitchen. "Theres….well, water."
"All good. We're ordering in later." He shrugged out of his damp hoodie and put it on a peg by the door. "Don't give me that look, neither of us cook so it's simpler. My thank you for the hang out."
"Mhm." She joined him on the couch where he plopped. "So what else is this hang out about Ethan? Going to ask my intentions?" She wiggled her brows, leaning into the arm of the couch on the opposite side.
"Not just yet." Ethan sighed. "I know you two are taking a breather from the story idea."
"We are."
Her voice trailing off as it did had Ethan nodding as he stretched his legs towards the coffee table. "You're second guessing it."
"I said nothing like that."
"You didn't count on being in it."
Now her smile faded as she shook her head.
"Is that a no to you didn't count on it, or convincing yourself you're not in it at all?" When she said nothing, Ethan pressed. "Why did you want to write about us at first? I've heard his side, but I want to hear the writer's perspective."
"At first it was simple. PIN had been releasing a series on dating apps, I was so sick of hearing how…I don't know, cold. How cold it's become, and crass. I vented that to Cole and said something about how this is what you hear about you don't hear the soulmate stories anymore. And he said he had met his."
Ethan smiled. "And imagine the curiousness of him having more than one, and neither are romantic."
"Exactly. It was odd, but the way you people talk about each other….." She half laughed as her hand gestured a shrug. "It draws you in, makes you listen and believe. I wanted to be a part of that telling. Maybe it was over ambitious but I thought I could tell it well enough that if someone else needed to feel a friendship and love like that they could. I still want that."
"Then why are you scared of wanting to be in it?"
Her eyes met his and what he saw there had him wishing the words back.
"I came here because like you said, I'm leaving next week and I wouldn't mind getting to know you one on one. And because I wanted to convince you to keep on writing it. I have stories of my own to share."
Hayley's eyes wandered around the room a moment before she answered. "I wonder if many other childhood friendships would be looking for one on one time with someone their friend had been dating such a short time."
"Probably not, but like you said we're odd. Plus you just told me all I'll ever need to know."
"How's that?"
"You're wondering about how I see you as the person who is dating my friend, not why I'm interested in what you're writing." Ethan laughed as Hayley face palmed. "Ohhhhh what a few dates change."
"Shut up." Hayley kicked out before curling her legs under her. "Fine. I take it back. The story it is then. Purely professional. What stories is it you wanted to share?"
"Ones that I don't see Cole telling you, and not for their lack of importance. He'd hesitate for Anna and I. Which I get, since I'm figuring if I tell you certain stories then Anna and Cole won't have to." He shrugged. "We're a vicious circle."
"I think it's sweet how you know each other. And I prefer having all of your points of view, even if you're only telling me because you think it spares them."
"That's not the only reason I'm telling you."
"What's the other?"
After a moment Ethan let out his breath. "It hasn't always been the three of us."
Hayley nodded. "No, I imagined not."
"There's been four. At one point there were five." Ethan didn't have to close his eyes to picture them. They were always there. He looked back at Hayley. She made no move to get a laptop or notepad. While he came there to add to the story he appreciated the idea of keeping it as friends talking. Hayley smiled at him, and instantly reminded Ethan of Anna. His shoulders sunk back into the cushions as he went on. "The three of us are a unit. I think Cole likens us to soul mates because he sees us as one person just split up. He keeps an iron grip on that idea that it's the three of us. That's not to say when those other people came around he didn't accept them. He wanted Anna and I to find that but I think for the longest time he…."
"He hoards." Hayley offered. "He told me that when we first started. He felt like he hoarded his memories of you two and he didn't want to do that anymore."
Ethan let out a laughing breath. "That's about right. After a while Cole became hesitant about the idea that there could be more. Until now that is." He watched Hayley's expression take on a mix of happiness and anxiety at the thought. "That would be the other reason. I hope to spare them some of the telling sure, but also want you to understand why Cole was apprehensive. Why probably we all are now. And why all of that doesn't change what is."
He watched her think about it. Curiosity battling her own apprehensions. He knew which one would win and grinned as she looked back at him.
"I'm forced to agree with Cole that the three of you might be splits of the same whole." She rose and walked to the kitchen, speaking as she went. "People don't ordinarily want to tell me life stories."
"Glad to hear it. Makes it easier to hoard you." He caught the water bottle before it connected with his face. Her glare as she sat back down did nothing to dull his mood as he reached for her hand. "Hayley he's never been like this. I'm going to poke fun. I'm going to worry. But mostly I'm as stupid happy as he is."
She sighed and squeezed back. "I haven't had what you three grew up with. I've always wanted a close friend. It's safe to say I dreamed of that over a relationship even. Maybe I don't believe one can last but I believe a true friendship can. And I want that." Her voice broke just a little. Enough to have her pressing her lips together a moment.
Understanding the fear Ethan nodded. "That's normal. Trouble is, we aren't normal. No one really is, but this." He circled a finger in the air. "We never have been, and now you're on the edge of being a part of that. It's normal to be wigged. Maybe that's why it's good you two started this how you did. It's a better way for you to know the weird before you decide whether you're running headlong into it or away from it."
Hayley's expression toughened. "And what if I'm running into it only because it's something I've always wanted?"
"You're not." Ethan patted her hand before reclining back at ease.
"And how do you know?" Her temper flared as she swung her legs out. Definitely irritated, but still a half assed kick. "God you're annoying." Now she laughed. "Again, I take it all back. I don't want any friends, we'll just be professional."
"Cole." He said and then pointed. "That's how I know you're not. Not all clichés are true but one I fully believe in is the power of names. I hear some I relax. Some I tense. But there's only one that I hear and probably feel every emotion there is. And I know she's the only one there will ever be like that."
"That should be beautiful." Hayley tucked her legs back a bit and rested her arms around her up drawn knees. "That kind of certainty. It's a curse though isn't it?"
Ethan knew then. He felt the shift as if a cable attached between them. It hadn't always been just the three, and now they were four again. But he knew it wasn't the time to mention it. He wasn't the one who needed to tell her. So instead he nodded and took a breath.
"We met her junior year. Cole's parents had passed the spring before. It was the hardest thing we'd had to face at that point. And she became the thing that brought us back. Falling in love with her was easier than breathing. Being with her was too."
"What's her name?" Hayley reached for his hand this time.
Ethan acknowledged the pain that was always there, as the smile that couldn't be helped followed as he took them back.
"Caroline."
