Yoo! Starmegalo is here with the update he promised!

I read all the reviews and comments and I'll be answering some of them but first, some news and other stuff..

I decided to rewrite Re-Shut-In. So expect that in the near future. I won't make the same mistakes. Star IF? That's a far, faar away rewrite…

Taking an exam soon, but won't affect the updates for this fic.

I realized I need to mention one thing, while this fic will have a Priestella battle(A one that is much harder since I fucking hate plot armor everyone except Subaru got) but reaching to that battle will take some time. Originally I got commissioned for 50k words in this fic but with wrong estimation of word count and my increasing love for this project kinda increased it (BY A LOT) so we won't be skipping fast to the Priestella fight so fast. Chapter 4 is the departure for Priestella though…I guess this fic can be called slowburn? I mean…Near future has a lot of intense and drama filled interactions so…I dunno, I will let you guys decide.

I got a few ship suggestions…and while I am taking them into consideration, there are way more candidates than just Emilia and Petra.

This chapter will be a long one, I suggest you take your time. I thought it was an enjoyable one, hope you won't get bored.

Now reviews!

Pryd: Damn I'm typing this halfway through and F you Emilia. you've gotta the most selfish Bit I have even laid my eyes upon. Subaru needs to leave the planet size of a red flag alone. She's just leading Subaru and does want Subaru to leave her. her reason is she would love him "Someday" if she's just together with him. Anyways great chapter I'm only halfway but excited for the next one see you there author.

A: I see, my intentions were received perfectly by you. I hope you will be excited with this one as well. And…FUCKING TELL ME HOW THE FUCK YOU WRITE 2 REVIEWS IN A SINGLE CHAPTER!? I WANT TO KNOW YOUR SECRET PRYD! I SAW YOU DOING THAT BEFORE TOO!

grandgta2019: Expect the unexpected jokes aside

I see you put a great effort and thoughts on writing your fic and like it it feel immersive and polished that left me wondering if you have any original work... do you?

A: AGH…Size of my ego! It's…It's…EVOLVING! Jokes aside, such a compliment…No, I don't have an original work yet. But think of doing some smut story in webnovel so that I can charge for additional chapters for people wanting to support(I AM BROKE!) But the reason I put so much into this because it's a commission and I don't like to just write without any improvement in general. If you want to see how bad I was at the beginning, you can click 'Star IF' on my profile. That's my first story.

AsfoltoBrHue: Excelente completamente excelente

Esse final do Subaru e Beatrice... MUITO FOFO

Excelente demais

Grande capítulo

A: Glad you liked it. I love reading your reviews. I hope I won't disappoint.

KlabOriz: I mean Beatrice is 300 years old or something like that right? so who cares if it's a romance

A: Unless commissioned, I don't think I'll do that. Not like I am not unhinged enough or can't take hate (If I couldn't I would've left the fandom broken long ago, I didn't even try and I live rent free in people's head for some reason.) The reason is far simpler.

So far, I am not that interested in Beatrice x Subaru. I am just not. I do like the idea of a 'Beatrice Ending' where Subaru just gives up on romance because all women around him are just either mentally ill or crazy. So he just decides to chill with Beatrice, a platonic ending I mean. Perhaps he finds a totally ordinary village girl later and ends up with her. Crushing any woman with yandare tendencies, (Satella or Rem) when they attempt to attack her. And alive witches stalk him.

Perhaps I'll write that one day.

Guest: You say just kidding, but that's one of the things that make Emilia so easy to hate as a character, nay, as a main character. And also Tappei as a writer.

A: It was a joke. But that doesn't mean it's not true.

I am just leaving room for people who want to cope so they can enjoy the story without hating me for saying stuff, if that's possible.

Yep. That's about it. I hope you guys will like this chapter.


Emilia was on her knees. Without moving an inch, her widened eyes were firmly locked onto the figures in front of her, her arms dangling limply at her sides.

Before, she attempted to interject in the duo's conversation in hopes of ceasing it, but Emilia no longer attempted that...there was simply no point.

To Emilia, it was impossible for Subaru to sense her existence while he gazed at Beatrice like that.

And as for Beatrice herself...Emilia wondered if she would even bother if she realized Emilia was there. This was a thought that the Emilia from a minute past wouldn't have been able to have.

Now, just by witnessing this interaction between them,she had gained some clarity.

Beatrice, who didn't care to converse with or check on anyone ever since she came to this mansion with Roswaal... of course didn't put her and Subaru in the same place in her heart.

For some reason, Emilia always assumed that. No, more like…Emilia was sure that she and Subaru held the same importance and preciousness to her, Emilia. Whereas someone like Puck would surpass even both of them. He was her older brother after all…and knew Beatrice far longer than Subaru and even Emilia.

However, that-

'Beatrice is saved by Subaru. Absolutely and utterly saved by her. The relationship between a Spirit and Contractor that I don't understand, Beatrice hiding things from me selfishly even though I can save Subaru. All of that is a product of Subaru saving Beatrice.' Emilia could not comprehend why Beatrice didn't just talk to her. But that was too, because—

Subaru saved Beatrice, resulting in Beatrice having a new beginning. Beatrice changed, didn't she?

To begin with... Subaru just changed everyone. That's what she thought...

'Being saved by Subaru... it's not special to me, huh?'

True... she couldn't deny it.

It's impossible to deny it when they distanced themselves from her view while holding each other's hand. But as they did that...

She wondered...

'If Subaru saves more than me, that means Subaru hurts himself to save people other than me. If that was the case all along... What was I trying to do by leaving him alone on that day? Did I betray him for nothing? Left him alone for nothing…' That day in the capital. Emilia left Subaru so that he wouldn't hurt himself for her…but now, that made no sense.

As Emilia thought that... Subaru left her vision.

Which caused another question to appear.

"Did Subaru... forget about that time?" Subaru hid things so...What if he'd disliked what she had done...

What if that's the reason why her gap closed?

Did she do anything else wrong?

—Doubt and insecurity started to fill Emilia's head


"Subaru...thank you for opening up to Betty, I suppose," Beatrice said with a contained voice but Subaru could see very well that she was beaming with happiness.

"Well...it just happened I guess." The redness in his cheeks grew brighter, a similar color adorning Beatrice's face as well.

It's not like before this day Subaru never showed any weakness to Beatrice. Saying that would be wrong. Subaru himself decided that his weakness solely belonged to Rem, but that was before Beatrice had chosen him.

After Beatrice proved to be an inseparable part of his life, Subaru could easily see that he was acting differently when he was alone with his Spirit. It wasn't a conscious judgment at first, contrary to that, the moment Subaru realized that, he put a real effort to not act differently with Beatrice.

However when Beatrice realized that she became really sad. Which made Subaru reconsider. For some reason, Beatrice could not ignore her own inability to help Subaru like others. That was something Subaru treasured.

Days and weeks passed, and Beatrice would not stop getting hurt by that fact. That made Subaru happy. Was it weird to feel good because someone felt sad because they cannot help you?

After that reconsideration, Subaru slowly opened up to her with his choice. That was the start of this strong bond.

And now, they were holding hands, heading towards their shared room.

"Hey...Subaru." Beatrice stopped suddenly, separating their hands and turning towards Subaru.

"Yes?" Subaru questioned the sudden change in attitude. She seemed anxious.

"You see...there is something I need to tell you. I don't want you to learn later and get angry at me so..." She said while she fiddled with her fingers.

"I don't think I would get angry at you... but of course." Subaru was troubled by the sudden change of attitude, and Subaru tried his best to relax her.

"You see...when you were confessing me-"

"Don't say it in a way that it can be misunderstood!"

"It's still a confession even if the feelings are different in fact!"

"Yes, yes. You are the librarian. Very cute indeed." Definitions, indeed.

"Hmph." Beatrice made a satisfying voice as Subaru tried to mock her with the last part but it came out as if he was very serious. The effect of her cuteness obviously invaded Subaru's heart.

Also, this interaction made her relax too... which was probably intentional on his part. Subaru could be really scary with how naturally he made this whole thing play out.

Another flame of pride appeared in her chest. She alone knew Subaru to this level. It wasn't just about feeling good about knowing someone you care about. That was also true. But in this case, it was about Subaru himself.

Subaru was such an actor that even Roswaal was fooled, just like the rest.

Beatrice herself didn't believe that any being could see through Subaru without being close to him. She saw Subaru lie to Sword Saint very casually. It worked like magic…

When Beatrice first questioned Subaru about that, he talked about choosing his words carefully...which Beatrice understood.

Saying things that aren't technically a lie and evasions. That she understood.

But then when she thought back on all talk between Subaru and Sword Saint. She remembers Subaru 'lying' with blunt "No." and Sword Saint sensed nothing.

And Beatrice didn't think seeing through lies with wind was the only trick Reinhard had in his sleeve to detect deceptions. Likely intentions, changes in expression, sound of his voice, and perhaps even sensing it from smell could be helpful to him. Yet Subaru had no problem.

So when Beatrice could understand him to this level. It was something to be proud of.

But she couldn't let herself relax too much and indulge in Subaru... after all, she still has something to reveal.

"You see Subaru... When you and I were having a moment between spirit and her contractor."

"Me falling for Beako's cuteness and being left wide open? Yes. I do remember that." Subaru chose to not point out her way of forming that sentence to twist his perception. He just became more curious about what was the problem.

"Y-yes, exactly that in fact. W-wait...don't distract me I suppose!" The cruel contractor kept playing with the fragile heart of Beatrice.

As she recovered. She continued with a serious face.

"Subaru. When we were talking, at some point Emilia arrived and watched us I suppose."

"..." Subaru chose to stay silent. This made Beatrice more anxious but she decided that letting silence go on was harder for her to endure so she kept talking.

"I knew she was there. But I didn't tell you." There it was. Her revelation. Now she felt like she shouldn't have said this...perhaps it was far better to keep it hidden. Saying the truth wasn't worth losing Subaru's trust. She made a big mistake. A disaster would come with this blunder. With Subaru spoiling her a bit, she forgot her place. Emilia was his number one and Beatrice wasn't even number two in his heart. Now consequences follow because of her mistake.

"Subaru...I-"

"Why did you do that Beatrice?"

Why did she do that?

To Beatrice, Subaru always carried a deep pain and he wouldn't share that with anyone... because Subaru would get rejected when he showed his weakness. Weakness was ugly so Subaru who was alone got used to keeping it for himself.

Subaru was in pain. Subaru was alone. Regardless of who he saved and what he achieved. That wasn't fair. To begin with... Why did Subaru have to be in pain? Why Subaru's feelings aren't answered by Emilia? Why did that girl who supposedly loved Subaru openly and gave him love have to just fall asleep?

With all this considered. Beatrice decided that whatever delusion Emilia might have could easily be sacrificed if it was going to help Subaru. Subaru didn't deserve these bad things happening to him. While Emilia gained more and more.

Unlike what Subaru thinks. Emilia wasn't so unfortunate. Not with having so many people to talk to or having a spirit devoted to her... even though that spirit wasn't here for her right now.

As she thought about it more and more. Beatrice lost all doubt.

"I did it for Subaru I suppose. Subaru is like a meek cat sometimes so I couldn't lose that moment when he opened up to me because of that girl in fact. I also did it for me, because I want to know everything about Subaru."

Beatrice couldn't help but smile regardless of what will happen next. After all, she didn't do anything wrong at all.

And she was about to learn, Subaru too didn't think she had done any wrong.

"Well...that's really heartwarming. Thank you, Beatrice."

"You...you are not angry?" Beatrice was more than surprised.

"No. I am not. After all, you did it for me. Not many people do things for me so, thank you. Not to mention I can understand why you hesitated to tell me about your choice. After all, it was me who acted like a madman to defend that girl all the time regardless of right or wrong... I really do regret that. I was mistaken for thinking that was my role. No, I was mistaken for thinking I had to choose someone to blindly support every single time. I really feel embarrassed because of that. Ah, I really hate myself." As Subaru said all those words... he couldn't help but avert his eyes out of shame.

He acted with disgrace ever since he came to this world. Choosing the first person that helped him and latching on to her...using her as an excuse to have a story for himself.

Then when she wasn't enough. Choosing Rem for that purpose.

When she was gone. He attempted to do that with Echidna, then Satella.

Natsuki Subaru acted like he was a pathetic man who cannot survive without pursuing women.

'Even in this new world... I did things that I regret and made me hate myself more. Nothing changed huh?' He truly thought he didn't deserve Beatrice because of these reasons.

"Don't say it like that I suppose. Subaru was alone all the time so it can't be helped that he does things like this with no one to tell him it's wrong. If Subaru wants, I'll be there for him to fill those roles... but Subaru shouldn't hate himself. Instead, he can just change for the better. If it's Subaru, he can definitely do it." Beatrice reconnected their hands and made Subaru look at her...not letting him escape or wallow in self-hate.

"Can I really...change? I don't even think anyone would believe I can be anyone but the guy who will do everything for Emilia. A while ago I decided I didn't want that. However, I don't know if that's possible."

"You can. You can change, I suppose. Because you are more than that already, you always were. It's just you don't see it yourself." Beatrice said with all honesty. But Subaru didn't look convinced.

That wouldn't do.

"If Subaru wants to change. Then he shouldn't care about what other people think of him. After all, changing yourself isn't about changing how people view you. So Subaru shouldn't care about him when they are wrong, while he should listen to people who actually learned who Subaru was and praise him I suppose. Because Subaru is an awesome person."

This time, he couldn't help but believe in those words. It couldn't be helped. With that cute face and smile, talking about how awesome this Natsuki Subaru he couldn't see... it couldn't be helped at all.

Ah. After all, it truly wasn't about love, wasn't it?

He just wanted someone to be with him.

Yes. All of that suffering, all of that time wasted alone. It was all to understand this part of himself.

Yes. It was all about that. To learn more about himself. And to not be alone, to be happy.

That's why...his romantic relations could wait. It could wait as long as it is necessary.

He didn't know who he would end up with, he didn't want to force things on Emilia as well.

He would pretend no longer.

"Hmm. I understand. Beatrice is awesome and she is the cutest. Also, her hair is nice to play with."

"If you keep making jokes in serious moments you will be banned from playing with my hair," Beatrice said teasingly while playing with her drill-like golden hair. She didn't look like she was bothered by the instant praise Subaru gave her.

"ANYTHING BUT THAT!" Subaru said with exaggerated panic.

"Hmph. You should be grateful that you at least understand my cuteness so I shall let you get away with a warning this time I suppose."

"Ah, the great Beatrice-sama! Let me carry you gracefully to our destination as a show of my appreciation." As Subaru forcefully pulled Beatrice's hand which received Subaru a cute "KYA!" and brought her to his shoulders and carried her 'gracefully' which awfully looked like carrying a child on his shoulders.

Which Beatrice enjoyed a lot...even though she wouldn't admit it. Subaru knew it anyway.

"..."

The silence dominated the surroundings as Subaru carried Beatrice toward their room. Beatrice was beaming with happiness because of everything that transpired today...and maybe just a little bit because Subaru carries her. But just a little bit.

"Hey, Beatrice," Subaru called out to her with a soft voice.

"Yes?" She was expecting teasing from him. While Subaru couldn't see her face...sometimes he just guessed a bit too well.

"I also knew Emilia was there."

"!" Words echoed in Beatrice's ear and moved through her body like electricity. This man…he is the worst!

She sighed as she smiled fondly.

'And you talk about never changing...'

Beatrice said nothing to Subaru. Only petted his abnormally soft hair.

Things were too good for Beatrice. And she simply couldn't think about Emilia. Emilia had it coming after all.


The sound of knocking repeated over and over again.

"Can I come in?" An easy-to-ear voice imbued with cuteness asked kindly to the owner of this room.

Knock. Knock.

"Please?"

"Ah...couldn't we just not talk todaaay~? I cannot endure Oni-san's wrath after all~ He likes keeping me to himself." A similar voice of cuteness replies to Petra. However, unlike Petra, her way of speaking was quite mature and had a certain eccentricity.

"Ah! But I have to talk with someone or I'll go crazy!" Petra said honestly while not liking the last remark, however...

"That's probably not a lie since you don't seem to have anyone to talk to... but it's not the whole truth isn't it~? You just want to have me talking about the things that transpired."

"Uh..." Petra was caught. Her cuteness worked on basically anyone. And even Subaru who realized that sometimes she was using it as a weapon let that slide because Petra never got too far or used it for bad things so he let it slide...after all Petra was cute. (Petra has no idea Subaru knows this)

Meili saw through Petra. To begin with, Meili had successfully taken Elsa's 'eyes' that discerned things that couldn't be understood and seen by people perfectly.

Even without being good as Elsa when it comes to observing people... Roswaal's wickedness and insecurities were open to Meili. His constant focus on her Suba Onii-san. It was all open to her.

Of course, the clown wasn't the only one Meili could see through.

Red oni's jealousy towards Onii-san. Disdain and dislike him and yet, she also likes him differently. In a way that Meili herself can't understand.

Half-witch's not-so-Emilia-like thoughts on the forgotten princess.

Frederica's not-so-hidden loyalty to the clown.

The suspicious butler's age... even though she has no idea about specifics.

But of course... She had limits. She couldn't see through him.

'Just like how Elsa couldn't.'


(Flashback, Arc 2 end, Assassin sisters hideout)

Their operation ended with failure. Perfect failure with no one losing their life. Of course, their perfect failure meant someone's ultimate success.

That man kept his promise once again. Despite the gospel being against him, again.

Most of the beasts in the forest were killed too. Curses would not activate.

"Eyes that show no ability to see an end for themselves, no loss or failure is possible. Unable to consider giving up. He has to save everyone, the man who has no self-preservation will save everyone... it is so contradictory and yet intriguing." A mature feminine voice that could invoke excitement in any healthy man spoke with interest. Her big chest wasn't only blessed in size but the shape itself was perfect as well. The outfit she wore did little to cover them. Of course the males in her presence were too scared for their life to give it a look. No, to begin with, looking at an assassin's boobs when you fight with them would be stupid insane.

'He was being 'insane' a lot of times back there. I wonder how a conversation between the two of us would go? Without fighting and all. Or is it even possible? What are those black eyes hiding? He had such strong feelings for me…I even felt his disappointment after Sword Saint ended his attack. He wanted to kill me with his own hands, didn't he~?' As Elsa thought about fellow black-haired people and his delicious malice, Meili cuts those thoughts.

"Is that so? I just thought "Funny weak onii-san". Oh and he is REALLY good at petting my head. I was nearly forgetting everything and would become a good village kid you know~?"

Elsa giggles in response.

"Well... I never got petted by anyone so I wouldn't know and I doubt I would feel good as an adult. But I will have to disagree on other parts. It is intriguing when someone so weak has basically no care for their body ...even I am not like that. And I was called immortal many times." Elsa says with a sigh.

"Oh?"

"Yes. If you get too high of yourself you will die when things that you have confidence in gets surpassed by the enemy. Yet even in strongest confidence, there is lingering doubt. That man didn't have that. No matter how many times I looked, it was absent. There were even times that he was acting fearful yet I couldn't sense or smell any fear." Elsa made a confused face as she explained it herself. It seemed even now this mystery confused her.

"So... he is weak but he thinks he won't die or lose. He doesn't care about his life but he will save lives. He doesn't really feel fear but acts in a way that he is scared..." Meili repeats everything she understood from Elsa so far.

"Yes. But I didn't feel like he was trying to convince me that he was scared. It was almost like he was trying to convince himself. That he gives a crap about his own life…"

"Elsa...isn't he just a madman? Like way insane in the head? Remember you told me about how I shouldn't think about the actions of an insane man~? Mouuuuu~ You should listen to what you say sometimes."

"Insane...man huh? A madman? Perhaps that's true, just like witch lovers...but even so..." Elsa couldn't just stop thinking about that...something wasn't right.

"Yes. Also, the funny weak man had miasma on him. A LOT. I was trying my hardest to keep my cute pets calm."

"..."

"It's a rarity to see you surprised."

"Well... I just got into thinking if he has any...but there is no way right? His weakness is real after all. And you cannot be weak with an Authority."

"That's right~, Funny Green Madman, "Are you violating my rights?", Mama and Mama's pet. None of them were even remotely as weak as Onii-san. It's just impossible to compare."

"All of them are the types that I want to kill a lot yet impossible for me to do so."

"Huh? Funny Green Madman certainly isn't that impressive though?"

"No. He is the most dangerous in my opinion."

"..."

"Every single Archbishop wants to kill each other and is always cautious. Yet they don't even think about trying that with that man. It's like killing him won't change a thing or…he wouldn't stop pursuing them until one side dies for sure."

"Uwah... how disgusting. To be disgusted and thought of as a creep by creepiest people…"

"Exactly."

"...So basically what we get here is you cannot even give the feeling of any weakness with an Authority. They are in a different realm."

"True. I wouldn't ever attempt anything crazy as trying to kill any Cardinal. I never felt I could kill any of them..."

"But Elsa... that isn't entirely true isn't it?"

"Huh?"

"Not being able to give the look or have a weak presence with an Authority. Doesn't-" Elsa understands what she means, which is the only reason Meili didn't seal her fate.

"Meili. You shouldn't speak about anything forbidden. Remember what you are told." Elsa said with a serious and protective tone.

"Ah... That's right. Thank you. I was lucky before. Being spared an all. "But that will not happen again.""

""Lucky" doesn't cut it. It's extremely suspicious that you are still alive."

"But you are glad aren't you, Elsa?" Meili attempted to tease Elsa but...

"I am truly glad that you are still here, Meili." Elsa says with all honesty. There was death…but Meili's made could cause her to get erased. Something beyond just being forgotten.

Meili tried to not react to it, however...

Elsa was already laughing at the redness on her cheeks.

But secretly, she thought something.

'Meili isn't wrong. Their eyes... too similar. But no way that man is anything close to her. After all, Meili is correct.'

Just a madman. That's all there is.

But I wonder if he will ever come to our side.

All of that effort to protect, to deceive others to believe he is a goody two shoes, to deceive himself in many ways…

All of that being focused on destroying enemies, achieving his own goals…after all, saving people, protecting them was harder than just killing them…so Elsa wondered about what he could do if he focused all that into something more destructive. She knew he had it in him.

An exciting, erotic shiver spread on her equally erotic body.


"Meili!" She snapped out of her thoughts as Petra shrugged her.

"This is not good manners at all~, I didn't let you in yet you are here. I might let onii-san know about this."

"I just got in because you didn't say anything...and it's not like Suba- Subaru-sama would mind. No, actually he is rather adamant on manners. Please don't tell him." As Petra started thinking about Subaru, this time Meili brought Petra back to the real world.

After some convincing from Petra and being bribed with her share of Subaru-sweets. Meili said she would listen.

"Though I will say it once again. I will stay silent if I want~"

"Well...that would be bad but talking to you itself might let me relax. But don't think I am turning a blind eye to you like Subaru and Emilia!" Once again Petra forgets to use honorifics.

"I wouldn't have it any other way...To be honest, how they treat me is more uncomfortable..." Emilia acted like she was nothing but a child. A child that could do nothing. The reality of the situation was, however, Meili could very well stab Emilia in the neck when she brought tea to her.

Subaru...well. She SHOULD be able to do that. He SHOULD not be able to react to that. He IS untrained. His guard IS lowered.

Unlike Emilia...who is ignorant of her capabilities. She actually questioned Subaru why he was so relaxed when at any moment something could just happen when the two of them were alone.

"You are a smart girl. If you think about it, you will reach the answer."

And indeed. Meili felt like a fool for threatening Subaru, who acted like a fool.

Meili was defeated. Subaru visited her of his own volition, even with so many people in the mansion going against the idea.

Subaru survived after everything. He defeated Mabeast she could not control. He defeated the Sloth.

The answer was obvious. Subaru was relaxed, he didn't care. Simply because Meili could do nothing.

From her perspective... there were many moves she could do to get revenge. However, that was her perspective.

Either she was right or Subaru was right. And Subaru was willing to bet his life. So the answer was obvious. Subaru was absolutely sure there was nothing Meili could do, even if Meili didn't know that or thought she could kill him. Her perception of the situation was irrelevant.

Subaru knew she was an assassin. Subaru knew lots of things. He didn't question her.

What he did was...simply incomprehensible.

"You don't need to tell me anything-"

Meili stopped thinking about it. Not wanting to be reminded of that time, she asks Petra to explain what happened.

"And that's pretty much about it. It was really weird, scary and it all happened out of nowhere." Petra explained what happened with Subaru and everyone. Meili listened carefully…whether that was because she was preparing an answer for Petra or simply because she was curious about Subaru, Petra did not know.

"Sooo~ After all that time, showing only what he wants and acting, the only time he acted uncontrollably was because he had no reaction to his own pain? That's so~ creepy and hilarious at the same time."

"D-don't say it like that. It might've been a little bit creepy... but it worried me a lot."

"Well, it's definitely more than' a little bit' when it comes to creepiness but that aside, Petra seems to be right. Definitely not normal human behavior." Meili stated without any hesitation, bothering Petra greatly.

"I don't like how you emphasize that but you are right. Hey, Meili? If Subaru acted uncontrollably here...doesn't that mean he is actually different from how he acts normally." Petra questioned Meili, pleading for a very obvious answer.

"You should know the answer to that, right? It's just you can't accept it Petra~."

"Hmm," Petra murmured weakly but she nodded to what Meili said. Unlike Emilia and many others...she could accept that not everything about Subaru can be fun and give light. Everyone had a darker side.

"But how can I get Subaru to act more naturally with me?" It was an earnest question. Question with possible consequences. After all, there could be sides to Subaru that Petra might not like.

Meili could see that Petra understood that truth, and yet, she wanted to know more about him regardless.

That is why she decides to help her.

'Even though a whole year passed and now she questions things…'

"First Petra, you must understand something about Onii-san. It's probably something you could see all the time but never ever thought of."

"Nope! No way! I don't believe there is anything I didn't think about Subaru...EH!? What are you making me say?!" Petra's face instantly changed color and she was frantically shaking her head from side to side.

Meili noted how cute she was and how she would tease her later...and continued.

"First. You must realize that Onii-san is acting differently according to who he is with and where he is."

"Acting differently..." Petra instantly gathered her focus and listened to Meili intently. Seeing this, Meili couldn't help but think about how much she liked Subaru.

"I...don't get it," Petra admitted to Meili, making her sigh.

"Imagine how Onii-san acts while at dinner or when everyone is together."

"Hmm hmm." Petra closed her eyes and hummed in confirmation.

"Do try to remember how he treats you."

"Hmmmmm...Hmph." Petra tried to imagine that as well...but perhaps a recollection that pissed her off came to her mind. She was pouting.

"Now without forgetting that... try to remember the times that both of you spent a long time alone."

"..."

"Do you get it now?" Meili questions Petra.

"We are closer...he is like...warmer. He makes fewer jokes and teases...more calm and normal." Petra said with a dreamy expression...it seemed that even she realized that she was closer to Subaru when they were alone.

Petra realized that and there was so much more. Subaru was denser when he was with others but it almost felt like he received her feelings while he was alone with her.

Until now, she thought that she was simply dreaming and it was just the same as always. But perhaps...

"So if I try my chances more when we are alone...That's it! I'll seduce Subaru when we are alone! From now on I won't waste my attempts while other people decrease my chances." Petra started with a voice oozed with determination.

"Eh? I do not wish to destroy your...fantasies, but your 0 chance cannot be decreased regardless of what you do. Sub- Onii-san has rules and if you do not tick those boxes then you simply have no chance." Meili made her dull statement and went against Petra's dreams.

"B-but, I am 13!"

"But you are not eighteen. And you still act like a child." Petra also should've known how Subaru had a different view of 'adulthood age'. Subaru never breaks rules...unless it's about himself. He breaks rules when it comes to him.

After all, according to his own rules, he could not drink, not until he was 20.

Yet...Meili saw Subaru break that rule beside her. Of course, it's not like Petra would know that.

"Also, you are short and your feminine parts aren't developed."

"Auuuuuu! you don't need to talk anymore I understand...Wait, Meili...you got taller after you met with Subaru and kind of developed?...Don't tell me!"

"...Please remember that he killed my sister," Meili said with a more serious voice. Losing control, she unintentionally revealed something.

"That's...I am sure you don't want to hear it but, it was Garf so don't tell it's Subaru who did it. That's not fair." Petra answered with the same seriousness.

Of course, unlike Petra, whose knowledge wasn't corrected. Meili knew the truth.

Elsa survived all that...and she came face to face with Subaru as he was searching for the hikikomori. Subaru neither cared nor wanted to be bothered with Elsa. However, Elsa was different.

How the plans of the gospel countered, and how a new opponent was placed against her. It was all the creation of the man who stood beside her.

Whether Elsa had any intention to fight or not at the first time... was irrelevant. Because even though she had such a burning interest in him Subaru ignored her.

Unable to take being ignored by the one she is bound by loathing. She attacked and as she did that, Subaru got inside a room.

When Elsa opened that door, she instantly turned into dust.

This wasn't something anyone in this mansion knew. Subaru only told her.

He told that story to the person he should've kept hidden from most.

'Why? Why did you have to tell me?' She questioned in her mind like she did countless times, but no answer would appear.

"Wait...if acting childish stops Subaru from seeing me as a woman...then explain Emilia!" Petra shouts childishly.

"Since when Onii-san sees the half-witch as a woman?"

"...B-but...he told her that he loves her! And don't call her that…"

"Well...I did think that her matured body could've had a point in his eyes even though she is quite petite. But if he saw her as a woman and wanted to be with her...wouldn't acting assertive be enough? Emilia doesn't love him but Subaru not being determined about it doesn't help either. He acts funny when he is with her after all." Meili does speak with some venom in her voice. She didn't like Emilia. She gave her too much 'comfort' and 'promises' then she forgot about those conveniently when she decided she didn't like Meili anymore because she was dangerous. (Definitely not because Subaru spent more time with her.)

'She does act like a witch' Whether Subaru actually loved her or it's something else. She didn't believe he thought of her as a woman. Because…well. Meili was sure she was more woman than Emilia.

After that, Meili changes the topic and makes attempts to talk about other things. What does Petra do in her free time? How is it outside? And so on... but all answers coming out of Petra's mouth become as superficial as it could get. Meili's attempts at preparing for the small talk were meaningless. The conversation was nothing like before, there was no closeness. It felt like they'd never been close. And perhaps that was correct.

Meili understood why...it was because Petra got what she wanted. And she didn't particularly want to keep this going right now. But she stayed until Meili stopped attempting to make a chat. After all, Meili was useful, she could give her thoughts on things and she was knowledgeable. But realized that all Petra is doing right now was trying to not burn any bridges. Meili decided to end this farce with disappointment and hurt feelings.

Of course, none of those feelings could be seen from the outside. Meili could mask herself really well, so much so both Elsa and Sub-Onii-san praised her for it. It was given, she was an assassin after all.

"Well...seems like this conversation more or less ended," Meili said with a sigh...but as Petra said her farewell and moved towards the door, Meili talked again.

"Petra. Be careful about Onii-san. He is faaaaaar~ from what you think. If this is what he shows with a slight mistake then you should fear and be careful about what happens when he finally snaps." Meili says with confidence. But that's just a mask she puts, just like Subaru. However Meili wasn't a madman who could put strings on herself and then move herself like a puppet. So she wondered if Petra could see it or not.

But that was unnecessary because—

Petra stops without turning her face to Meili. "I'll be fine."

Petra closes the door and leaves.

"I reaaaaaaaaaaly~ don't care about that." 'Your well-being that is.'

What Meili couldn't hold back from doing was making statements about Subaru.

She desperately wanted to be right when it comes to him. So that she can tell Petra "I told you so."

Those desires about knowing Subaru better conflicted with her hatred for him.

"No. It's just because they gave me false hope that I want to win against them. Onii-san falsely made me believe I could be accepted...but then he got tricked so easily~. So easily."

After all, There was a considerable amount of time when Meili was free, and stayed with them.

Stayed with him.

"But it's not like a man who acts like a jester for others would choose a loner…"

So Meili decided. There was no way Subaru could be tricked by them. He chose to let her be alone. Abandoned her.

That time when she accepted him to this room...what happened was-


(Flashback, Past.)

Walking alone in this corridor, Natsuki Subaru only hears his own steps and beating heart.

He somewhat knew even though he ignored it, he knew about the problems of everyone close to him in this new world. Things they did, wrongs they did, and their warped personalities.

But Subaru didn't know or successfully observe everything. That much was obvious, but it was obvious only from an outside perspective.

Normally overestimating goodness inside of people this easily should've not been possible. After all, everyone had limits to the understanding they would share. Subaru forgot that.

Ever since he came to this world there was a certain shallowness or perhaps 'pureness' he observed in the people, he saw this constantly.

People did not break their promises in this world(most of the time), vows were absolute and even deceit had its rules. Such limitations were unthinkable to the child of man that originated from Earth.

However, Subaru first misunderstood this as people of this world having a superior sense of morality, and even punished and hated himself even more for breaking promises and other things. Subaru has come to learn that he was wrong about all of it.

Both his delusion about their 'superior moral' and punishing himself for not being able to keep up with it.

It was such a ridiculous assumption, yet it didn't matter anymore. Subaru finally understood the truth, and with the truth, he was at ease in a sense.

They did not develop this morality, they did not make any choice and acted this way. They simply acted how they were supposed to act. They did not go against their nature, their sins, or their impulses.

Their nature was simply against breaking vows, breaking promises. That was easy for them, that was the easy path for them.

The moment he reached the realization he no longer felt ashamed by his confusion and hate for his actions in this world. Not as much as before.

After all, Subaru hated many things about himself and none could find him confident about himself.

However, that was not true.

Subaru was confident about things when it comes to Natsuki Subaru.

One of them was his freedom, his free will of choice, and deciding his own path by using that free will.

That is why he understood the difference, when he makes a choice with his morality, it is hard. That is why it is precious. Not losing oneself in an easy path by making easy choices and instead considering all choices...even if it leads to hell.

This questioning that leads him to consider all choices can only be done with honesty. That is why Natsuki Subaru, the man who lied and will lie...cannot lie to himself deep down.

He can ignore, but he cannot deceive himself.

That is one attribute that NONE in this camp possesses.

That is why problems occurred when combined with Subaru being mistaken about their goodwill and overestimating their heart.

It all started with Subaru winning as all problems did. Subaru won but this time there was an enemy who didn't get eradicated. The Mabeast user assassin: Meilli.

She wasn't dead. Subaru, before talking to anyone, not even Emilia... searched for Meili after he won in Sanctuary.

What he will do with Meili, what he can do about Meili...all of that, Subaru would decide, however, he could not do without talking with Meili first.

She was looking at the destroyed mansion. Garfiel did not care about what she might've been feeling about Elsa, the reason was obvious. Elsa was an enemy who was about to kill his sister after all.

Subaru quickly started his attempts to convince Garfiel to leave him alone at some point he was frustrated and spoke some words he didn't mean to utter.

But it worked.

So he was alone with the girl who lost her sister.

He didn't try to hide his intentions.

He asked what she was going to do, and she told him she didn't know.

He asked why she didn't try running back to her true employer, and she told him that failure would not be tolerated.

He asked if she could behave, and she said he could never trust her. That was good enough for him, he said. The girl got confused. He explained that if she has no place to go, he can at least trust that she wouldn't cause problems if there isn't any reason.

He felt that he could connect with her, and for some reason, he truly wanted to help her. It wasn't because she was a child or anything...that was meaningless at this point.

Because at this point Subaru didn't think he wouldn't kill a child just because they are a child. He hesitated about that in one loop. Beatrice died.

.Let it be known, Natsuki Subaru got better and better by not making the same mistakes, unlike other people in this world.

...Would Subaru regret forming a bond with her?

He didn't know.

But he felt like he had to take her hand and support her somehow.

The way she acted like Elsa, the way she acted towards dangers against her life...

Elsa took care of her. Elsa saved her.

If being saved by an assassin and then living like this is salvation...

Then Meili's life was even worse before Elsa.

Whether Meili was good or bad, whether she should die or not. These weren't the things that Subaru cared about.

He just felt like he should take that girl's hand...who couldn't look away from the destroyed mansion. Couldn't accept the death of her sister, and her family. It wasn't about what he should do. It was always about what he wanted to do.

"It's fine to cry, you know?"

"Ah...What are you..." She would most likely hold herself back, she would perhaps hold these tears back.

However, the warm hand that covered hers with warmth made it impossible.

That was how Meili and Natsuki Subaru started. A bond formed between the victorious and the defeated. The initiator of the bond didn't know why he felt like this or why he was acting on a mere feeling when there are many reasons to reject this girl. The defeated could not accept the reality of being accepted. However, regardless of their not understanding of what is being formed between them or their hesitation, one thing was obvious.

The bond was formed.

"I didn't regret so far," Subaru mutters alone. Coming back to reality.

It's been close to one year since that day, the day he accepted her, the day he took her hand and hugged her. He wondered if Meili regretted getting his help. He didn't want her to regret it because she got help from someone... he wouldn't want that.

One year... a lot happened. And even more happened to Subaru.

First, there were arguments about what to do with Meili. He didn't like how everyone was putting their opinions so casually when it was about someone's life.

There were ones that could never forgive her. Petra and Frederica together started that opposition which did not accept her being there. Ironic…Frederica forgave Roswaal who did far worse than Meili. Which was why her opinion was worth nothing.

For a second Subaru hoped Garfiel was different...however his 'plan' of handing Meili to authorities made Subaru's blood boil. Only reason he didn't show it from outside or didn't just put Garfiel into his place was because he genuinely meant good. Or at least that's what he thought.

How she would 'pay' for her crimes by using her powers for 'good'. Her blessing is rare 'after all' and she is 'capable'.

Assassin children with a rare ability...she would be abused and used, with her free will gone. It was so obvious.

Garfiel probably did not bother to think 'what if things don't go that way'. That is why Subaru at the very least didn't just lash out at Garfiel...and he was right about not doing that. After Emilia agreed with Garfiel and started telling Meili how they will send her to the knights and they will make good use of her so she can pay for her crimes...

Even when no one agreed to his proposition or it was the end of the conversation... When Meili heard those words Subaru saw in her eyes that she already imagined herself as a slave. That's where Subaru interjected and rejected both Garfiel and Emilia without hearing any other opinion.

Garfiel understood Subaru's reasoning on how Meili could be exploited and used. He even felt angry at himself for not thinking about those things. Hence why Subaru was glad that he didn't just spew his wrath on Garfiel.

Emilia did not understand what Subaru said so she wasn't angry at the fact that she was about to seal Meili's life.

The discussion about the fate of that girl continued.

So many oppositions, so many excuses, and so many reasons. Yet Subaru came out on top. He did so while knowing that others did not like it. There were some acceptable-looking suggestions, mainly about sending Meili to some other mansion where someone else can look at them...however Subaru could not accept that.

That would allow so many excuses one day whoever looking at Meili could do something bad to her or kill her and they can just say "She attacked me." They would think they can get away because Meili is a 'criminal' anyway.

But that was idiotic.

Subaru would go, kill them. Kill himself, then save Meili before anything could happen to her, and kill the attacker again.

Subaru couldn't trust anyone with Meili. Or he would turn into a murderer. And knights? He didn't want to destroy the Kingdom. He had two friends(Julius included) that believed in this nation…too late to be a country burning villain…

So in the end, he achieved the optimal result. Meili would live with them like a normal person. She would be treated like a normal person and everyone would expect her to act like a normal person while still having the right to defend themselves, obviously. And he made sure Meili was safe 24/7.

This was probably the only situation where Roswaal had SOME use. Which was supporting Subaru in the Meili situation. Of course, Subaru realized quickly...or just instantly that Roswaal believed Meili just should've been killed and discarded. However since Subaru wished the opposite of that, Roswaal would support the opposite of that.

Logic or reason would not matter to Roswaal, nor what he thinks compared to what Subaru chose. He demonstrated that once again. One day Subaru told Roswaal that he is going to kill the Witch, Roswaal said what he thinks about luring her close to civilization so that other people can see him do the deed. That was an angry moment of his where momentarily he decided he was going to just kill Satella and be done with this story. Roswaal didn't take it as a joke. He even asked him to handle Dragon as well.

That was the level of belief Roswaal had in him. Unfortunately, it was the truth. The one who believed in him most in this world was Roswaal.

'Disgusting;'

After that normal life started in the mansion where Emilia camp(And Meili) resided. Meili wasn't an official or unofficial member of Emilia camp but no one was bothered by that. Meili and Subaru were the same.

First, everything was normal...Meili was accepted like the little girl she was. She was quite mature for her age but that was basically it. After all, she didn't need any opportunity to show her assassin side in this place other than some manners of one. Hence...it was all good.

But then, that's what Subaru and Meili thought. And the black haired duo was wrong.

Time and time again, they accepted Meili, joked with her, and played with her...then rejected her.

It was a weird cycle. Subaru was sure they didn't make a conscious decision to play with Meili's feelings like that. It was more...as if they could not truly accept Meili, but they couldn't completely reject her for some reason.

Subaru didn't know...but that reason was him and him alone. And Meili knew that.

Meili knew, unlike Subaru, that everyone acted more innocent and good than they are to get that sweet Subaru-attention(Emilia was an outright addict of that). Only one that didn't do that was a clown. And she had ideas on why.

But all in all, they were, indeed, good guys.

Meili was different, she was from the dark side of the world. She couldn't just close her eyes and live life happily. Hence, the energy she gave off to others and her literal existence made her unable to be accepted by others.

If they actually made a conscious effort to accept her...perhaps things would be fixed, but that never happened. No matter how long Subaru waited for it, it did not happen.

The cycle continued. Each and every time Subaru thinks everything is fine and good, some shallowness would start and Meili would not feel wanted. And she was right to feel that way. That is why Subaru couldn't say anything.

As time passed both Meili and Subaru got disappointed over and over again. And then one day-

"Huh? What do you mean they are acting weird?" Subaru asked.

"It seems the witch beasts are drawn towards this place more than ever. Not to mention their behavior..." Ram says with an implying tone, which Subaru does not like.

"You are not saying that." That was retarded. Now, for no reason, beasts started to come closer? So she was implying that Meili…

"I don't Barusu. If I said anything, no way your horny ears would miss my feminine voice, however, I do mean that perhaps she is doing it without knowing. It's her nature after all." Ram said matter of factly...even though months passed with Meili living with them.

It bothered Subaru deeply.

"So where are the others? I know I wasn't here for a while-"

"Where were you Barusu? All you do cause problems so you can at least-" Ram was about to point out his evasiveness with some insult however Subaru wasn't evasive, Subaru was-

"No." Outright refusing to let them know what he was up to.

"..."

"Why are they not here? Literally, anyone I mean. We are talking about Meili and I think that is important enough for a gathering?" Subaru says the sensible thing.

"..." Ram does not answer.

"Do not tell me they just let you do all the talking?!" Subaru's voice got deeper as he lost control. Ram was quite surprised but other than flinching for a second and her eyes widening, she did not show it. But it wasn't unexpected as well.

If he will lose control…it's in front of me, that is natural, that is only natural Barusu. Just let it happen.

"Others are really cowards. I will not defend them when there is nothing to defend. However their fear is not unreasonable at the very least..." Ram answered Subaru's cold eyes by keeping eye contact...weirdly enough that was something Ram did regularly...it somewhat calmed him down.

But in truth. Ram didn't believe Meili was a danger at all and unlike others she didn't delude herself to have an excuse to kick out the girl…she just knew claiming that would make Subaru angrier. So she did it.

"That reason being...well, you do care about Meili a bit too much...don't you think, Barusu?" Ram said, but it felt personal regardless how much she was basically speaking on behalf of others.

"What about you using your brain and realizing someone has to think about that child? What about thinking about that?" Subaru got closer to Ram and they could basically feel each other's breath. The tension couldn't be higher. Yet, this wasn't something Ram disliked nor found uncomfortable after all the personal time they've spent.

"They are simply not used to YOU disagreeing with things. Especially Emilia-sama." Ram said bluntly.

"And me disagreeing with Emilia makes your Master feel anxious? Does he not feel in control? Poor Roswaal...must be terrible." As he questioned Ram, he tilted his head and struck Ram from her weakness, right where it hurt her most. The mocking tone wasn't helping it either. But what hurt Ram most was that Subaru KNEW that her delusions were breaking down even though there were no enemies that Roswaal was losing against or anything like that.

She was similar to Subaru in that regard. It was getting harder for her to maintain her delusions. No…those delusions were broken long ago.

Now it was something different that made her react.

"..." Ram's breath deepens. She knew it would come here, yet she had done it anyway. Made him feel misunderstood. No, giving him an excuse to be angry.

"Hey... you do actually think he can do anything and he is a great man right? Did he get his perfect score again?"

"..."

"Which stage are you in? Did you consider that you were wrong about him or are you already making excuses about that, I can't exactly see which one-" As Subaru said those words Ram grabbed him by both shoulders and-

Smash!

The wall cracked and cracks traveled through the corridor.

One moment of Ram's restraints being broken without her realizing that was enough for her to make a mistake. The warm fire in her heart made her unable to hold herself back anymore. If it was only rage, she could hold herself back. That was what Roswaal ordered…and yet…

As for Subaru-

"Wow. Got lucky with that one." Subaru could thank his 'miasma' for making him get no damage whatsoever. This thing wasn't something Subaru could depend on consciously yet. However, it worked from time to time.

The first time it happened was how it let him breathe without oxygen in the burning mansion and protected him from all fire around.

"I...Su..Barusu." Ram's reddened cheeks and her uncontrolled breath…

'As always, she hates me. That's good. I like those eyes. Red eyes with unfading crimson. If every single relation in my life feels dull. I can just Ram hate me. Such a dependable scum she is. If I was Roswaal, I would use her a lot in many ways.' Dark thoughts entered Subaru minds. But that was all they were, dark thoughts.

"Nah. You don't feel sorry so don't say that you are. I am not hurt and I saw you losing yourself against the pathetic whispers in your head. That's always fun to see." Subaru mutters incomprehensible words that only Ram could understand.

"...You..." Realization of her being understood in some way perhaps could change something between them, however-

"Please lower the volume. She gets in my head too when you get angry." With that. The sounds fade, as if obeying. Something like that…Ram's own nature submitting to dismissive, uncaring words.

Even though that was how it is Ram could not reject that, Ram—

"I-" Ram was about to say something emotional, perhaps a confession of some sort. But Subaru cuts her off.

"Where is Meili?" A rejection. Very clear. Subaru wasn't interested in communicating with her. Their relationship was very good like this.

"...Lower room." She says reluctantly. Not a specific description but Subaru understood what she meant nonetheless.

"Got it. Have a nice day Nee-sama." Subaru casually says so. Like nothing happened.

"I...really don't like it when you call me like that." Those were honest feelings that came out of her heart. Perhaps there was more to it than not remembering Rem, since they already talked about that and she was still making it clear she didn't want to be called that. But Subaru didn't care about that wish of hers. Ram he knew wasn't a deep person anyway. She loved Roswaal and she was Rem's sister. That was about it.

She was worshiped and she worships. That's about it. Nothing but a god. A pathetic god who forgets her only true worshiper and a god who worships a witch lover with clown make-up. The same Witch that loved him…

Couldn't get worse than that really.

Ram was one person whom Subaru didn't bother to put up any fronts when they were alone. Because Ram simply wasn't worth doing that. That's exactly why he could relieve himself when she fucks up each time.

She was always with Roswaal and the only reason she helped them was

Roswaal.

Her stance on doing anything and everything for Roswaal did not change yet everyone ignores that. Subaru does not, he has had enough of dying because of Ram. And since he died so much because of Ram...he had a say in her fate.

He waits for Rem's awakening... He waits patiently.

And that was how he ended up alone like this...walking slowly as possible without knowing how to face Meili. After all, he had no excuses...she probably felt lonely.

Leaving Meili along with others was a mistake...but Subaru had no other choice...he could not stay in the mansion.

If you want something done right, you should do it yourself. That's why Subaru was going out alone from time to time.

'Huh... I really don't know what to say.'

Subaru pondered and pondered but received no answer. Having already arrived at Meili's 'new room' he knew he had to just brace himself.

Knock. Knock.

"..." There was no answer. But he felt 'something' stirred.

Knock. Knock.

"..." Once again. Nobody answered.

Subaru started to worry...

Did something happen? Did they do something to her? Was that why they avoided him?

Knock. Knock. Once again he knocked on the door, but this time, he used more strength involuntarily.

"Uh...Ah...Ummm...I don't need anything so please..."

"It's me, Meili."

"!" As he said that he could hear that she was coming near the door.

With haste, Meili opened the door.

"Subaru! You are back." She said with a much livelier voice than before. Subaru was gone for days. More than a week.

It was sad to see that Meili couldn't be relaxed without him. But if Meili wasn't relaxed then that only meant that she had a reason to be like that. Subaru wouldn't just put blame on her for not being all happy and shining...

But even so. He was glad that nothing happened to her. Physically that is.

"I...I apologize for leaving you alone. However... It was something I couldn't miss. I am sorry that they...moved you here. But at the very least it's big huh?" Subaru tried to give a more positive outlook but Meili just nodded.

Of course, that alone wouldn't work on Meili. Subaru knew that very well, in actuality Subaru wasn't attempting to change Meili's perception of the decision done here. It was more like Subaru trying to calm himself with empty words.

They sit together on the floor, beside Meili's bed.

"Subaru. Were you doing dirty work?" Meili asked seriously. Even though she wasn't so well herself she was worried about Subaru. And her question was very smart and sensible.

Unlike Emilia's theory about how Subaru was getting out all the time to eat candy without her permission...

"Dirty work..."

"Yes, dirty work. Type of thing that someone has to do...especially when it comes to a political group. I would prefer it if it's not you though." Meili had a bittersweet smile. The reason for that is that Meili thinks that if there was an actual problem to be solved for Emilia camp and solution was messy. Only Subaru could do it.

If he had worked with the clown, Subaru's job might've gotten easier. However, Meili could see why someone wouldn't want to work with that man, let alone Subaru.

"It's not that," Subaru states casually.

"Reaaaaaaaaaaaly~?" But of course, Meili has her doubts.

"Really. I am not saying what I do isn't dirty or suspicious. However dirty work indicates that I am doing it for everyone or for Emilia to win. But it has nothing to do with that. Not at all."

So...Subaru finally has his own plans huh? I shouldn't be happy about it but I am." Meili says with frankness.

"You say that as if I had nothing to do by myself before..."

"You didn't, right? It was all about Emilia or whatever you had in mind. But it seems like that changed now."

"..." Subaru didn't say anything or had any change in expression.

However, a satisfied smile appeared on Meili's face nonetheless.

"Soooo~ what were you doing?"

"I was reading," Subaru says...

"..." Meili wasn't amused by Subaru's 'joke'

"I am not kidding. You see... I am very interested in history..."

"Is there anything interesting at all~? It's just heroes and petty conflicts over race."

"There is. There absolutely is weirdness that lingers and things that are out of the norm. Yet no one reacts. To confirm my suspicions I tried to find better sources and talk with old people."

"And here I thought you were killing people," Meili said bluntly, half-glad and half-disappointed.

"I kinda did that too but it was weeks ago."

"Huh?! For some reason when you say it, it's scary!"

"That's rich coming from you...but anyways, I did what needs to be done, and while doing so. I even learned something...about me"

"What...is that?" Meili asked hesitantly as she felt perhaps Subaru realized a change in himself. However, she wasn't sure if this was good or bad.

"I am much better on offense. The difference is crazy."

"Oh...That's scary, really scary in fact. Weren't you the one who always got attacked? If Onii-san is like this in defense... I cannot imagine that 'difference'." Without wanting to do it, Meili switched to calling Subaru 'Onii-san', that was what she was calling him before. And 'Onii-san' truly defeated her and Elsa. Even though it was the Tiger that killed her...it was Subaru orchestrated that and saw through everything.

Subaru was incomprehensible as she was him that is why she couldn't imagine that 'difference' Subaru was talking about.

She couldn't understand that when she already had to remind herself constantly that the guy beside her killed Green man, Whale and the Rabbit.

Subaru...Subaru. Subaru. Subaru.

"Hey, Subaru...will you go somewhere again?"

"..."

"You see. Without you, I don't think others like me at all. No, more like they don't like me at all. With or without you. I feel really dumb for not understanding it before. But I guess I am a novice at stuff like this, even though I knoooow~ quite a lot more than people on my age."

"That's..." Subaru didn't like what she said…but it was true so he couldn't say anything.

"Today I am here. But what about tomorrow? It seems you are fine with me being placed here. And because you are fine with this today, tomorrow they can just try something else." Meili said bluntly without showing any emotion but Subaru knew the only reason that it looked like that was Meili trying to make herself believe she was unaffected. She had no expectations or hopes from any of this.

That might've been the truth at the very beginning when Meili was looking at the burned and destroyed mansion alone.

However, that changed when Subaru held her hand. Regardless of how smart she is, regardless of how much she was conscious of the evil things she had done...Subaru was hope.

If there was one correct thing that came out of Puck's mouth then it was about that.

No matter how much you ignore Subaru, no matter how much you think he is insignificant, it changes nothing. If he is around long enough. It's only a matter of time.

Hope is a sweet poison that you crave for it even though you know you will get hurt. And Subaru was that sweet poison for many. Even people who set their character and goals around the status quo like Puck who doesn't care what happens if Emilia is safe or Emilia who isn't able to leave any kind of comfort zone even if that comfort zone is being hated. Even these people and more people close to Subaru, they just can't resist that poison.

That was the same for Meili, at her most hopeless moment Subaru was there, that is why it was inevitable...however it happened way too quickly, Meili wouldn't admit it or know but the truth was the moment Subaru took her hand she did nothing but welcome it. The warmth was not something this girl who had a cold life could reject.

Their bond formed way too fast and got too strong with so little time. Perhaps that was why others tried to interfere. Some of them did it out of good intentions, and some of them told themselves that their intentions were good, but in essence, it was jealousy.

'Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. For a while, I thought that she didn't have such doubts... you stupid piece of shit Natsuki Subaru... of course she had doubts and she wanted assurance. But you just thought maybe she wasn't hurt.' Subaru's self-hatred flared as he realized his lack of action in confronting the situation made things worse.

Once again, escapism was about to destroy something in his life. Just like before.

'She probably already put me in the same place as others...all trust is shattered into pieces and she is already regretting all the time that she spent with me. It's only a matter of time before I will get deleted from Meili's heart once and for all.' In an instant, Subaru already decided Meili discarded everything he had done for him. That was insanity, but Natsuki Subaru was beyond insane so this was nothing.

That was right... That was right.

'No more escaping. Meili probably thinks that I just did all those things because I wanted to learn things from her right? After all...with my lack of real support for her. She should be questioning the validity of my actions. 'Was he acting to get information out of me?''

The weak pathetic Natsuki Subaru who held onto his idealistic beliefs couldn't let a child be tortured. So instead he decided to steal her trust and betray it when the time comes.

'That's...That's what she must be thinking! Fuck...I need to do something.'

'Something', what that something could be? Something that breaks all doubts and saves his validity.

The trust was probably long gone and impossible to reform. But...

SHe could not believe all the time they spent was a lie!

So he would fix it.

"Meili." A cold male voice broke the silence. For a second Meili thought she did something to anger him...but it's not like she said anything bad.

"Yes?" She waited for him to answer calmly. If it's Subaru he'll surely be with her always-

"You must be greatly disappointed." His words imbued with melancholy cut her thoughts in half.

"H-huh?" What was he talking about? Meili didn't understand.

"Now that I failed to make you feel alright here...hah. There shouldn't be any doubt in you about my failure here. You must be thinking that there was no meaning...not at all, nothing was true. But I cannot allow you to think like that."

"..."

"I am really bad at this. I cannot trust anyone. I cannot make anyone trust me in normal ways. I need to save them, I need people to be vulnerable so I can help. Unless those things happen...it never works out. For some reason, it never works out." It was all true. It never worked out. A normally developed relationship? Natsuki Subaru didn't have such a thing.

"..." Meili stayed silent, she couldn't keep up with Subaru. She felt nothing but confusion.

"That is exactly why I cannot use normal means here, that I am sure of. Perhaps someday I will try to gain someone's trust with no bullshit or any tragedies. But I cannot try that with you. I really care about you, and I don't feel like losing you for attempting that." He opened his heart out.

"..."

"That is why I will tear up everything. The notion of people hiding things from me: Emilia not telling me about things, Roswaal hiding his little trick, Beatrice protecting me from things...all meaningless. I just see through things because of how this world was set long ago." Something...some restraint, it felt like it disappeared.

Subaru's eyes seemed clearer. It felt like Meili was taking a look at Subaru at a new level. It was like he lowered his defenses to the fullest. But what appeared wasn't a weakness.

"..." He talked while opening his arms with palms open. Meili couldn't help but allow her jaw to drop.

Subaru exuded a mystic feeling of invincibility, an all-seeing trickster.

And Meili had no idea why that side was revealed to her now. But she was scared.

"I already have all the answers to my story, unlike what many think. But I ignored it and ignored it for so long...that stops here for a short while. Just for you, just so that I can tear your doubts to shreds. Leaving no doubt that..."

"I need no information from you. Nothing whatsoever. You don't need to tell me anything."

"What are you..."

"I think all go with both genders even though it's likely a woman..."

And so he started...

"Lyra, Vega, Aquila, Draco, Auriga, Pegasus, Triangulum...Names of stars, celestial objects, gods and goddesses. One by one counted by Subaru. ...He exploited the knowledge only he knew...It was….. inevitable…Only a matter of time….…..." At last.

"Sirius, Capella, Arte-huh?"

"Hkg...?!" Meili had no understanding of what was going on here. She had no idea and all she did for so long was looking at Subaru with confusion...but then, that person's name appeared.

That name alone terrified her, but what terrified her more right now was-

"Sirius?"

Meili's body instantly froze. She evaded her eyes and avoided contact with Subaru with that she looked like she was caught-

"You try to deceive me with your body... Then the only other option is: Capella, is that right?"

"No! Subaru I beg you, that's not true!" Meili opposed while shouting,instantly changing her fake attitude however...

"It's Capella. It is...a Sin Archbishop, Mother. The leader of the Assassin Organization in Gusteko, wanted something in Kararagi and she has a following from many races strong in combat." It was a combination of accurate prediction and his own gathered knowledge.

"Haaaaaa...haaaaaaaaaaa...I beg you!" Meili pleaded to Subaru so he would stop with the out-of-control breath, acting like he knew nothing. None of this ever happened, and yet... he did not listen.

"The sin would be...Lust." Subaru said, as if the knowledge itself was bestowed upon him right in that instant. No, it would be wrong to say that. It was a knowledge he owned, it was only normal he could know when he questioned. Answers were deep within him.

Meili was scared, Meili was terrified, Meili was unsure and she needed help. Yet Subaru didn't believe Natsuki Subaru could help her.

Natsuki Subaru would reject Meili if it was for her sake. He was such a selfish person...that's what made him so uncontrollable just like Rem. Both can devote themselves to someone, yet that does not make them a puppet for that person. They could probably make use of them but they would act individually FOR THE SAKE OF THAT PERSON if they think it's necessary.

Nothing could stop them, not even that person in question. Subaru realized that obsession. He was the same.

"No...no... . This is not happening. Just forget it please I don't want to-khgkh" Meili's body shook intensely and her eyes were uncontrollably moving, she couldn't focus on one place.

She was having a vertigo attack. Subaru assessed it while trying to stay calm as he looked curled up at Meili who was still shaking dangerously.

-It wasn't possible. Not for him.

Subaru attempted to get close to her and then touch her slowly.

"Meili, listen to me, no matter what...I cannot possibly lose. If you just wait here, I swear I can destroy the whole cult in a month if you want, that's why please-" The contact between his hand and her hand finally formed.

"AAAHAHHHAAH...AGHHAHHHHHHHHHHA. Please, please. I beg you, please kill me. Mother please, I am your pet so...kill me please aaaaaaaahhhhhh."

"HaaaaaaaaahAAAAAAAAAAAA!?" To Meili's reaction to his touch, to her continuing screams and terrifying words coming from her past. Subaru also lost control and shouted in terror. Realizing that he fucked up.

Things that come to his mind...about what happened to Meili.

He couldn't let Meili suffer like this, if she continues Subaru would also go mad.

"I...I know this is nothing but, please sleep now."

Subaru said as he sucked the mana out of Meili, painting her world to pitch black.


[Meili POV]

Ah...

What is going on?

I slowly opened my eyes. I saw him from below. I knew this position well... I was in his lap.

It was very familiar to me, after all...both of us love doing this...

Looking at the ceiling...he was looking at the opposite of where I am.

That's a blessing. Because I don't want him to ever see me again, not...ever.

Not after how he saw me.

That's why I'll-

"Get out." I meant to shout, yet only a whisper came out.

"Meili, you woke up!" Subaru said with a happy voice...

"Get out."

"I...I apo-"

"GET OUT!"

"..."

"Get out."

"..."

"I don't want to see you, GET OUT!"

"I am...I'll do as you wish."

I felt his hands on my shoulders, and I just realized I didn't even lift myself off his lap. Even though I was shouting for him to go...I am so pathetic.

He gently put my head on the ground.

I looked at his figure as he mechanically left me alone.

I didn't feel like changing my position...I didn't have any energy to move.

"If only I could hate him!" I said to myself loudly. I made a wish. I shouldn't've said loudly. I shouldn't have.

It was a wish that would come true just because I said aloud, as if Subaru knew that wish, as if he heard it, he...a day later, he told me about how he killed Elsa.

A wish that I regretted making

Made me learn something I never wanted to learn.


[Present] Months later, a week before leaving for Priestella.

That's right. Onii-san was tricked by them. No way he would choose me, that's what I should believe, that's what I ought to believe. I will—

Knock. Knock.

"..."

Knock. Knock.

"..."

Knock. Knock.

"I don't need anything right now," I said calmly.

"Meili…it's me." He…came.

His mere voice makes me lose control…that's why I don't ever want to see him. I don't want to see him. I can't let him see me.

"I don't…want to see you."

"That, I didn't forget. However…I want to tell you that I will be going to Priestella."

"..."

"I will not be here for a long while. And I know you do not trust anyone."

"..."

"You are correct to not trust anyone. That is why I want to remind you: You are absolutely free. Free to leave, free to change your room, free to have any weapon you want. You know how to get them. I don't know how you will be interacting with others in my absence, I just want one thing."

"..."

"Just don't make me destroy them. That's all." It was an absolute show of bias towards Meili. If others chose to be against her and she was in the right. Subaru knew there was a good chance he would make everyone submit…or worst. All in all, even in his absence, if something happened to Meili. Subaru would not let that history come to reality. But he hoped that Roswaal would make sure Meili won't have any problems.

It was all for Meili. Subaru chose her instead of others. That was the kind of responsibility he was willing to take.

However Meili didn't understand that.

…What does that…even mean?

Once again. I cannot understand you, I cannot hate you, I cannot get close to you. I can't get away from you. But despite everything I—

"Priestella will be chaotic. But the conclusion is already decided….isn't that right~?" She says to Subaru. Subaru leaves without answering. He was making sure he didn't bother her.

Subaru thought something big would happen in Priestella. He told her in their one-sided conversation where both of them lean towards the door while Subaru was the only speaker. That was their current relationship.

'Something big…huh?'

Victorious will be the victor once again.

So he will not die. That should not relieve Meili…yet it did.

She was just so sure that that man would not die.

—If you want to kill Natsuki Subaru, he needs to accept that.

"Well…not like a mother will ever think about others. Nor any other lunatics will do that."

That's why Meili knew because of that...and because she lost to him herself, the conclusion was obvious.

Natsuki Subaru will be victorious once again


—Emilia's delusion gets nerfed by the slap of reality and Beako diff.

This will affect how she acts instantly. The changes will be mentioned, questioning and paranoia of loss makes you grow and appreciate what you have, after all. Though no instant heroinetransformations…I am not Tappei. And I love that fact.

—Subaru destroys his relationship while thinking he is about to fix a 'trust problem' that never existed.

Kinda sad because if you didn't get it after 13k words…THEY WERE CLOSE!

—Subaru knowing about a possible situation in Priestella, and telling Meili about it…

Talked with someone. Someone other than Subaru also knows about a possible attack there. The implications I am giving are totally possible to find out even in canon. You just need intel. For that intel though…Subaru made a promise.

—Subaru finding out about Capella.

Absolute rule that Subaru realized in this story because Tappei isn't here...all bishops have star names so he can use that to his advantage instead of ignoring that after mentioning. Subaru counts all the star and celestial names he knows to Meili. By the way, in this story Subaru is conscious about fricking Watch Tower having his name in English(Pleiades) so he has theories and extra knowledge on the matter. So there is a chance Subaru figured out all the goddamn past but...who knows?

—Beatrice is fucking cute.

Yeah, also her bond with Subaru leveled up.

—Elsa was horny for Subaru

Yeah, it was weird how disinterested she was when it comes to his dark side and suspicious actions. Pride IF Elsa's taste wasn't erased like in the canon. Though there was a mini episode where she and Meili talked about him. I was inspired by that in this chapter.

If you confused by flashbacks…It's basically:

Subaru accepts Meili after Elsa dead — They are close — Emilia camps doesn't get warm to her — Subaru messes up and Meili just blurts she wants to hate him…deranged Subaru takes it seriously and coldly states he fucking murdered her older sister a day later —- Present time which Subaru informs Meili about his travel. Though he visited her time and time again and spoke to her one side through the door.

And lastly…Certain implications with Subaru and Ram. I don't ever intend to explore that so far…but if people like it and I continue this story after the Priestella conclusion…perhaps. But yeah, I leave it to your imagination about what happened between them etc. This chapter also should answer why Ram was silent.

There is also foreshadowing in this chapter…but well, if you got it, you got it. If you don't, I'll point out when it happens.

Kudos/Follow/Favorite and I get motivated!

Review/Comment and I will be filled with determination!

Cringe aside, next chapter is on…June 1 (1 day earlier if you are a discord member)

I am open to all kinds of criticism. Just fire it!