*Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

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Where the Lines Overlap

Season 1 - Stuck on You

The Perks (or losses) of being inattentive

Almost a week later I was leaving my job at Olympia Timberland Library after a very long shift of organizing books. I was feeling unhappy as fuck, thinking absently about the previous Sunday and how Edward and I had been so connected once more.

His attitude had turned back to normal, he'd talked and messed with me a lot and had acted cool and funny like his normal self, the one I was so used to having by my side.

Of course, it hadn't prevented my mind from wondering...

He was interested in someone… that was pretty clear to me after all that talk at the pool with Bella. All the pointers to my dear sister.

The fact that he had never made any comments about it to me, just the extreme opposite of what was expected, reinforced my suspicion.

I shook my head in sadness. I hadn't even gotten a chance to ask about that since we hadn't had enough time to talk over the following days. We hadn't seen each other until Tuesday evening when I dropped by his house to hand over my documents and left in a hurry because my father wanted me home by eight. He'd traveled the next morning and we hadn't talked since then.

I sighed and took my keys out of my pocket when Bella came into sight.

"Hey, Jay!" She greeted me with enthusiasm. "Feel like eating something with me?"

I hugged her and pecked her lips before looking at her. "What are you doing here, sweetie?"

"I was shopping with the girls near here." She shrugged. "So I decided to pass by and see how you're doing."

I tried to smile, but I think I actually grimaced.

"What do you say about eating some junk food?" She proceeded. "I'm starving."

"Actually, I feel like drinking something… something strong, preferably." I answered emphatically.

She laughed and circled my waist as we started to walk toward my car.

We remained quiet while we were heading for the "Backdoor", a bar that was our regular meeting point (mainly because we knew the owner and she let us have some drinks as long as we kept a low profile). It wasn't until my old Vanquish was parked that my dear friend started making clever observations.

"Edward's trip took its toll on you, huh?" She said nonchalantly, unbuckling her seat belt and opening the passenger's door.

For a split second, I was scared, but I shook the feeling as quickly as it came to me. I trusted Bella just as much as Edward, and I knew she wouldn't judge. Besides, I'd been thinking about opening up to her since I couldn't tell E anything, after all, she was my best friend too. I knew that at some point she would notice, and immediately understand, my odd behavior around Edward. That is if she hadn't figured it all out yet. She was fucking damn observant and intelligent. She was more than able to read between the so many lines I had exposed carelessly the previous few weeks.

I pondered if it was time to tell her.

So I left the car, closed it, and leaned my folded arms on its roof, looking at her from across the vehicle. She mimicked my position and looked at me intently, smiling, as if she was expecting something.

"So… you know." I said naturally, surprisingly unworried.

"What do I know?" She replied with a poker face.

I sighed and furrowed my brows.

"About me… and… this thing…the way I… what I… " I stumbled through the words, struggling between telling her and keeping my mouth shut.

"Let's get inside and have a drink." She jerked her head pointing to the bar and waited.

I nodded, pushed myself away from the car, and followed her while thinking that talking to her about what I'd been going through would be a good thing. After all, I was still too confused to figure things out on my own.

We got in, sat in a booth, and ordered two beers. Bella waited, all the while looking at me like analyzing my stance. So, after a moment or two, I leaned back on the seat, exhaled, and decided to man the fuck up.

"I'm into him." I spoke at once. "I've just admitted that to myself, but I honestly don't know what to do with it."

My eyes were long fixated on my hands on the table, so I didn't see Bella's reaction to my confession. I heard the short and low laugh she'd released though.

"Yeah, I knew it." I heard her say calmly. "I've known for some time. I think I knew it even before you knew it yourself."

I looked at her instantly, making an inquiring face. She leaned over the wooden tabletop and crossed her hands before her chest.

"The way you look at him? Like he's the most important person in the world… that was enough of a clue." She affirmed. "But your obvious unrest around him lately… especially that day at the pool… that rested my case." She bumped a fist on the table for emphasis.

I kept looking at her, perplexed. Not because she had noticed it, 'cause I knew well she was capable of that, but because I wasn't sure she had done it due to her skill or 'cause I was too obvious.

"Don't worry, it's not that evident. And nobody else is as attentive as I am, so…" She shrugged.

It didn't relieve me. But there wasn't much I could do anyway.

"Since when?" I knew she would understand the question.

She pushed away from the table and rested on the back of her seat, seeming amused. "Well, I've always had my suspicions but, it wasn't until these last few months that I started to get convinced I was right." She explained. "Sometimes I would think it was just my over-prolific mind making me see what was not really there, but… I don't know… I had this feeling… And besides, you are so… attached to him, almost dependent… Maybe you have never noticed, Jay, but, "Alice age" apart, you were always Edward's satellite."

I felt my eyes almost pop out of their sockets.

"What do you mean by "Edward's satellite"?

She laughed hard and loud, ignoring my despair. I was utterly worried about my conduct towards Edward then.

"What I mean is, you've always acted as if he's the center of the universe, you revolve around him, honey, nobody is as important as him to you." She sighed and smiled kindly at me. "See, you can do anything without any of us, but not without him, if Edward is not involved somehow, you aren't either."

"Really? Is that how you see?" I was completely perplexed and nervous.

"Isn't that how you see?"

I stopped and thought about it. And yes, Bella was right. Besides the "Alice age" (that kind of represented a somewhat dark period in my friendship with Edward, by the way), I was all about Edward in every aspect of it.

"Shit." I whispered, lost in my thoughts.

How could I be so inattentive? If I had paid attention to what Bella was referring to, of course I would have known all along that I was interested in more than his friendship.

"So what will you do?" Bella ripped me out of my musings.

I looked skeptically at her.

"I can't do anything. Edward's straight and I'm not even sure about what I am." I heaved a sigh. "Besides… I think he likes someone."

Bella made a face that I didn't understand. A mix of surprise, doubt, and apprehension. Then she sighed and reached for my hand above the table.

"Is it just a crush, Jasper?" She asked, somewhat neutral.

It took me a mere second to answer.

"No." And the truth in this minuscule word sank in immediately. "I'm not sure what it is, but it wouldn't be something minor." I shook my head. "This is Edward we're talking about. He..." I shrugged and lowered my eyes. "He's… too important to me."

I looked tentatively at her and saw her smile and nod. She didn't say anything else. Then she raised her bottle. I clicked mine with hers before saying "To what?"

"To you, starting to figure things out…"

"It seems it'll be a long run…" I affirmed, feeling a little down.

"Yeah, it seems it will… but I can assure you, my friend… it'll be worth it." She concluded winking at me.

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Later that night I admitted to myself that, as Bella said, Edward's trip had taken its toll on me. I was really missing him more than usual…

He was in Providence with his father, taking care of the last arrangements for our departure. In about five weeks, we would be moving from Olympia to start our adult lives finally. We'd been accepted to Brown University and we would live near it, in an apartment our fathers had rented for us.

It was finally happening. This had been our dream since we entered High school, to be in the same university. Of course, Edward received a bunch of acceptance letters from different universities, many of them were also Ivy League, but we'd always wanted to live in the same place when in college, to take our first steps as grown-ups together. We'd been planning it for years, so he decided to go to Brown with me.

I was disappointed I couldn't go with him on the trip there.

It's not that I didn't want to, but my father told me "I had to fulfill my obligations" and couldn't simply leave my job hanging.

As if I was keeping it… I was moving to another city, to another state for crying out loud! But, nevertheless, the Major didn't allow me to travel, justifying that Carlisle and Edward were more than able to arrange everything.

I sighed.

I missed him. Shit, I missed his presence, his soft gaze on me, his voice…

I turned on my bed, releasing a huffed breath. I was restless. I was impatient with his absence. I wanted to call him but I was feeling so stupid for missing him that much that I couldn't bring myself to grab the phone and call him. I lost count of how many times I had looked at the cell screen and had given up.

What a pussy I was.

I sighed again, this time out loud and throwing my arms impatiently on the mattress and loosening the hold I had on my phone at the same time. The more I thought about him and how much his absence was affecting me, the more disturbed I felt.

I started to think about what Bella had said, about me being Edward's satellite… and so many moments came up to me, forcing me to face how true it had always been…

The oldest memory was of the first summer Edward had spent away from me when we were twelve. His parents had gone to Canada because of his aunt's wedding and of course, he'd had to go too. They'd spent a whole month there and then had decided to take a family trip around Europe.

I'd been unexplainably sad for days. I hadn't even understood what had gotten me so depressed. After whole two weeks of me never leaving the house and spending the whole time in my room, my mother had gotten so preoccupied that she'd contacted Esme and asked her to put Edward on the phone. Needless to say, until the end of his family trip, Edward and I had spent half an hour per day on a long-distance call…

The second memory that flooded me was from our adolescence. Edward had just started dating Angela. He was really smitten by her, so much so that he'd been spending most of his time in her house, leaving me forgotten and kind of angry over a long sequence of days. I remembered being so pissed at some point that I had actually gone to his house in the middle of the night, sneaked to his room, woken him up, and vented on him about how terrible of a friend he had been. After that, he started to balance his time between me and her, but I was still pretty bothered by the fact that his attention was divided.

I had been actually happy when they broke up…

Other memories came and went away, showing me that I had always demanded so much of his presence… I really was too needy when it came to him. Bella was more than right. I couldn't deal well with his absence. I needed to have him in everything I did, and I wanted to be involved in everything he did.

I was kinda ashamed when I realized I had always insisted on being his priority. At least it finally made me see from where Bella's statement came.

The last memory was the strongest…

I could almost see it unfolding in front of me as I replayed the situation in my head.

Edward and I had just made amends after our first real (and serious) fight. We'd been coming slowly back to our old interaction post the Alice shit

Our gang and I had spent the whole month convincing our parents to allow us to go on a camping trip to Vancouver that spring, something we'd wanted to do like crazy for an entire year. But Edward broke his right foot in a ridiculous bicycle accident, one week before our departure. I could have gone, I had the money, I had the rest of the gang going, I had my father's permission (that I had sweat a fucking damn lot to get), and I had Edward's endorsement. I was ready to go. But I'd simply dropped everything and stayed, without even blinking. I remembered my words to Bella back then with perfection…

"He stays, I stay. I can't leave him behind."

And then I had spent the whole spring break at his house, in his room, watching movies, playing video games, or simply making him company. And I'd never regretted it.

It had been the best spring break I had ever had…

I closed my eyes. So many emotions were running through me all of a sudden…

The hardest part was that I was unable to grasp any of them. I could identify none of them, although they were quickly drowning me and I couldn't stop it. It was all making me really scared…

My feelings for Edward weren't light and I was starting to assimilate that.

I brought my hands to my face and rubbed them roughly. My heart was beating so fast I was heaving.

"Why can't I just stop thinking about you?" I grumbled in my hands.

And then I jumped startled because my phone rang.

I couldn't believe my eyes once I looked at the screen. I was trembling when I answered after a deep breath.

"Hey…" My voice was clearly strained.

"Hey there, stranger!" His deep voice provoked a wave of goosebumps on my arms and neck.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply.

"How are things?" I forced myself to ask.

"Good. But I miss… home." He said in a strangely hesitant voice.

I miss you, E… I thought but never verbified.

"And how are things there?" He returned my question to me.

"Um… good. Everything is… good." I lied warily, praying he would buy it.

"Where are you? It's too quiet for a Friday night." His tone was funny and I could feel his smile through it.

"I'm home." I said simply.

"Why aren't you with the gang?"

"I went out with Bella earlier, but we didn't take long. Actually, I've just arrived. What about you, what you're doing?"

"I'm at a park in front of the hotel. I was just walking a little…" His voice was subtly lower.

Something nudged me from inside.

"Are you OK?" The question slipped through my lips naturally, without my consent. I was slightly worried.

Edward sighed deeply, taking almost a whole minute to answer me. When he did, I had the odd impression he was keeping something from me.

"Yeah… I'm fine, I'm just…" He let out a heavy exhale. "A little tired. We had to do a lot of things today."

"Is that all?" I insisted because I couldn't shake the feeling he had something to tell me but wasn't finding the words.

He hesitated. And the hesitation made me fidgety 'cause suddenly I was sure he was omitting something.

"Yeah, it is." He laughed briefly but it seemed forced. "Don't worry about me, Jay. You know I'm tough."

"I know you're tough till something gets to you." I affirmed certainly. "I also know how fragile you can be if something hits a nerve."

This time his brief low laugh was more genuine.

"Sometimes I forget you know me as well as I know you." He sighed again, heavily. "It's nothing, really. I'm just tired."

I frowned, even though I knew he couldn't see it. He was lying. I knew in my guts it wasn't just fatigue. But I wouldn't insist. If he was keeping something from me, he had a reason to do so, and I would respect that. I was pissed, of course. But I was also worried and didn't want to bother him.

"Okay then." I replied concisely.

An unsettling silence stretched for a few seconds. He didn't seem inclined to say another word any time soon, so I hurried to speak. I didn't want to hang up just yet.

"Is everything arranged? The college and the apartment documents, I mean…" I also wanted to know when he was coming back without having to really ask about it.

"Kinda…" He exhaled. "My father took advantage of the trip to deal with some of his things. The apartment stuff is all settled, we concentrated pretty much on that this week, and on Monday we'll go to Brown to deal with the university documents and whatever we have to."

Shit. They were taking longer than I thought they would. My heart was a little heavy in my chest. I had to take a deep breath to ward off the uneasiness.

Another moment of silence. Our conversation was very truncated.

"Jay…" Edward whispered in a slightly anguished tone. "I…" He exhaled.

"What is it?" I urged.

I had a weird feeling he was distressed. Actually, I knew he was. I just didn't know what the problem was or how to make him tell me.

Why wasn't he telling me, anyway?

I cringed when a possibility arose in my mind. Was it something about Rose? Maybe he wanted to tell me about his interest in her but was afraid of my reaction…

Well, if it was about my sister I was afraid of my reaction. I wasn't so sure I could avoid or disguise my jealousy...

"It's nothing." He said with a sigh. "It's silly. Anyway, I… I have to go."

"Edward, please…" I was well aware I was kinda begging and it made me laugh humorlessly due to my stupidity. "What's bothering you? Tell me."

He exhaled heavily again and I had to sit. I was too hectic to keep lying down.

"I… I…" He tried and I stood up, waiting to hear whatever it was. "I really…" He heaved a sigh and I immediately knew he was giving up. "have to go. I'll call you, okay?"

"E…" I tried to insist.

"My dad is calling me. I'll talk to you later. Don't worry, I'm fine, I promise." He was hurrying through the words, which told me he was absolutely nervous and therefore lying.

I wasn't gonna get anything out of him that way, so I resigned myself.

"Fine. Just call me. I'm here."

"Yeah, I know." He affirmed in a weird tone. "Bye."

"Bye." I answered kinda unwillingly.

We hung up but I kept staring at the phone for minutes afterward, trying to understand the confusing conversation we'd just had.

"What the fuck was that?" I muttered to myself, utterly puzzled.

My mind kept spinning until sleep claimed me hours later.

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"Hey, did you talk to Edward these days?" Emmet asked me as he sat by my side on the log.

We were at Saltar's Point beach. We were making a bonfire that Sunday evening, just the boys. Well, not all the boys since my best friend wasn't there…

Anyway, Jake was on my other side, while some of his friends (that were also our friends but not really part of our gang) and cousins were sitting around the fire pit.

I restrained the feelings that arose with the mention of his name and sipped my beer.

"Yeah, we spoke on Friday."

"When is he coming back?" Jake asked absentminded.

I shrugged, forcing myself not to let the anxiety take me.

"I'm not sure. He still has some things to deal with there."

"I hope he can make it next weekend." Emm spoke simply and I nodded, controlling the damn need I suddenly felt. I needed him to be home before another weekend. "We have the Festival on Saturday."

"You're going, right?" Jake asked nudging me lightly with his elbow.

"Yeah…" I confirmed a little apathetic. "We've already gotten the tickets so…"

"Having the tickets never prevented you to call something off, Jay." He retorted with a sneer. I heard the big guy snickering. "But I hope you go. It's our last trip together before we all part ways. It's our youth goodbye, man."

I looked from him to the big guy and back to him with a confused gaze.

"And why would I call it off, Jake? We've been planning to go to this festival for months."

Emmet was the one to answer with a sneering tone.

"We don't know, J-bro… maybe if E isn't here...?"

I looked at him with dread.

"I wouldn't miss it just because E can't make it."

"Okay then." Jake said laughing and Emm followed him.

Again I looked from one to the other, feeling deeply concerned about my secret.

"What?" My tone was a little rash, I was promptly in defense mode.

"You've missed a lot of things before just because E couldn't make it." Jake spoke in a mocking tone that annoyed me. "I can remember some other trips and parties…"

"And nights out." Emmet added.

"And barbecues." Jake said starting to laugh.

"And concerts… and my seventeenth birthday." The big guy counted with raised brows and a crooked grin.

"Hey, that birthday he was sick." I defended myself.

"Yeah, Jay. He was." Jake cut me off before I finished.

"Someone had to be with him. He was bedridden, for god's sake!"

"Bedridden?" Emmet asked bursting into a loud laugh.

"He had the flu and his mom was right there with him." Jake said ironically. "You definitely could have gone! You have to admit it, Jay, if Edward's not going, you're not going. It's always been like that."

My stomach was churning right by then, despair rising from my guts and spreading ice all over my insides. Again I was being faced with the undeniable truth. I was and had always been all about Edward, and, unfortunately, Bella hadn't been the only one to notice that fact...

How could this all have been so obvious to everyone but me?!

How could I have missed the signs?

And for fucking damn sake, how would I be able to give my friends a plausible explanation for that? They seemed to know what I was hiding already…

"You and Edward are almost like an item…" Jacob clearly provoked me, but by his tone and the way he was laughing I realized (with some relief) he was just joking. But bile flooded my stomach, anyway. I wanted to throw up… "Maybe you were twins or something in the past life."

He and the big guy laughed hard and unabashedly as I was struggling to maintain my cool facade. I was kinda taken aback by my friends' perception, and I sure as hell was afraid that they would suspect there was something more to my attachment to E…

But the real problem was that everything that was being revealed to me, by my friends' perception and my own, was diving me into a turmoil of feelings that I couldn't put up with.

Why was this happening to me? Why was I being forced to deal with all that at that moment?

Edward and I were mere weeks from starting to live together, how would I be able to share a house with him, a life with him, when I was deeper and deeper infatuated with him?

How would I be able to act normal, to keep our friendship the way it has always been, light and fun and happy…?

And the most important and worrisome question…

How would I be able to keep this from him?

I was afraid I would ruin everything…

I needed to do something. I just didn't know what yet.

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A/N: I have no idea what you guys are thinking. Let me know so I can continue.