Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

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Where the Lines Overlap

Season 1 - Stuck on You

We're settling the final score

Her face said it all. She wasn't surprised to see me there.

"Come in." Bella spoke kindly while pulling me by my wrist.

I just let her take me to the back porch of her house in silence while I tried hard to swallow the lump in my throat and wrap my head around what had happened half an hour before.

Seeing Edward's car parking in my house's driveway on a Sunday morning had been pretty common since he'd gotten his driver's license. Weird and completely unexpected was my sister hopping in it after shouting to Mom that she'd be back for dinner.

I was still aghast…

"You knew I was coming." I concluded as we got to the large wooden benches.

"Rose told me yesterday that Edward would take her out this morning." Bella explained carefully. "I supposed you would call or come as soon as you knew."

"So, they're on a date…" I kinda asked, arching my eyebrows.

"She didn't give me any details." Bella shrugged and shook her head seeming as confused as I was.

"He's my best friend, damn it, and she's my sister!" I blurted out while squeezing my eyes shut. "Why didn't he tell me anything about this?"

"He may be afraid of your reaction." Bella suggested.

I bent my head while nodding, considering she could be right.

"I don't think I will handle it well if they start dating, Bella." I confessed and sighed, then looked at her. "I simply couldn't sleep last night thinking about all these feelings I have for him… and then, when I decide to get the fuck up and call him," I sighed again. "fuck, my phone was on the windowsill… so I saw he was outside my house. I heard Rose as I was getting downstairs… I got to the door just in time to see her getting in." I shook my head and released a puff of air. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do or how I'm supposed to act, I'm feeling so anxious, it's like I'm gonna explode or something. I've never been so overwhelmed in my fucking life. What am I supposed to do?"

"Act fast maybe?" Her tone was emphatic.

I simply started to ramble.

"Act how? It's not like I can say 'hey, E, wanna go out on a date with me?', or like I can grab him and pin him on a wall and kiss him senseless like I would with a girl. He's a boy just like me. Stronger and taller than me, actually. I can't pin him anywhere. And besides the fact that, to begin with, I have no idea how a guy approaches another guy, I don't think I dare to approach him."

I was slightly breathless when I finished, and Bella simply remained silent for a while, giving me time to settle down, I thought.

"I told you yesterday… I think you should talk to him…" She said slowly, carefully. "Open up and tell him the truth. It's the rational way to figure it out."

"I've thought about it but I don't think I can do this, Bells. He'll freak out, he can't know."

"You just said it yourself, he's your best friend." She reminded me with an assertive tone. "He's been there for you for everything. He's never judged you or even reprimanded you. Not even when you deserved it. I'm sure he'll listen impartially and will support you regardless of his opinion or feelings about it."

"He'll never understand…"

"How can you think that, Jay? If I understood, I'm certain he will. Edward is the most compassionate and understanding person I know. He's almost too lenient for his own good. Of course he'll understand anything that comes from you, who he affirmed to be his twin soul, for God's sake!" She sounded a little annoyed and undoubtedly skeptical. "Sure, I know where you're coming from and I understand your fear. It must not be easy to see yourself in a situation like this, but… you know him better than any of us… you have to know he's never gonna push you away, no matter how he feels about all of it."

"Do you really think so?" I asked, feeling the jitters just thinking about the possibility of telling him. "What if he gets angry at me?"

Bella laughed.

"And why would he get angry?" she asked rhetorically. "It's not your fault you like him this way. Besides…" She got more serious. "You still remember what happened last time there was a secret between you two, right? You guys promised not to keep anything from each other again. And this is too fucking big for you to hide."

"I know!" I blurted out. "I know that, and I don't want to keep this from him. Even though he is keeping something from me."

"Well, I really can't know for sure, but I think that, about Rose, maybe he's just trying to find the best way or moment, or both, to tell you. Pretty much like you're doing about your feelings."

I nodded slowly, feeling my heart aching.

"Anyway, he deserves to know." Bella added.

"Yes, he does, but… how can I even do this, Bells?"

She took a moment in silence and I waited, cracking my knuckles the whole time.

"Well, it is a sensitive issue so you guys should have privacy and time." she paused, thinking. "Maybe you two could go to the lake alone. Tell him that you need to talk and ask him to go there with you. But do it soon, today if possible, you can't postpone it, Jay. This is only gonna get worse…"

"And when we get there…" I started questioning nervously. "I simply drop the bomb?"

"Well, yeah… I guess. There's no way to smooth this up. You'll still have to say the words, Jay."

I closed my eyes and inhaled. Then I exhaled forcefully, feeling the anxiety growing in my stomach. My mind flooded with questions...

Would I have the courage? I mean, it was second nature for me to tell him everything but… Could I tell him that I wanted him? What would happen next? Would he accept everything easily or would he start to be weird around me?

What about our move? Would it change his mind about living with me in Providence?

"Jay…?" Bella's voice reached me, and I realized I had been quiet for some time.

"Yeah, I have to do it… it's just…"

"You're afraid. I know." She sighed. "I can be there with you if you want. I think it's better if you two talk alone, but, if you're feeling so insecure I can be by your side."

"Thanks, sweetie. But I have to think if I'm really gonna do this and how…"

"Jay, it's…"

"I know it's the only way, Bells, I just need time to assimilate all of this… it's been crazy since my birthday and I…" I heaved. "I need to make a decision, and you helped me a lot, you have no idea how much but… I need to think some more."

"Okay." She accepted. "Will you still go to his house later? For the barbecue."

"You guys agreed on three o'clock, right?"

"Yeah."

"I'll be there."

"Great. I'll wait for you."

She hugged me and I let her squeeze me for a bit. It made me feel a little better. Then she followed me to her door.

"Bye Bells. Thanks for all the support and… I'm sorry to be burdening you with all this.."

"Hey, you're not burdening me. We're friends, I'm here for you as you've been for me so many times. And I'll always be."

I nodded and we pecked each other's lips as usual before I went to my car.

I drove back home trying to wrap up my thoughts around the possibilities, around possible outcomes, and trying to make a decision.

But I think I was so overwhelmed by the whole situation, and so tired from not sleeping at all the previous night that, as soon as I was back in my room and on my bed, I blacked out. Last thing I knew I was waking up with my cell phone buzzing in my jeans.

I picked it up in a hurry without seeing who was calling me or the time it was. I simply answered.

"Jasper." I said on the phone.

"Where are you?" Edward's voice sounded cautious.

I breathed deeply before answering, my heart immediately racing.

"Home. What time is it?"

"Almost four." He sighed. "You're not coming?"

"I've just woken up." I explained concisely.

"What happened? Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I just couldn't sleep last night…"

He was silent for a moment.

"Why?" He whispered, seeming a bit hesitant.

I inhaled and assumed that was my cue.

"Thinking too much." My voice sounded determined. "Edward, we need to talk."

Saying that sentence brought a terrible feeling of termination. I didn't know where it came from, but I couldn't shake it off.

"About what?" His tone was grave and clearly apprehensive.

"I don't wanna do this over the phone. Can we… go to the lake?" I asked, feeling tense. "It's kind of… sensitive, so I think it's better if we have some privacy."

I heard him taking a deep breath.

"Okay. When?" His voice was so steady it bordered cold.

I felt my stomach churning in anxiety.

"Later today. If it's okay with you."

I could've asked for us to go right then. I was sure he would comply. But the truth was, although I wanted to get it over with, I also needed time to prepare myself for what I was about to do.

"Okay." He agreed in a linear tone. "What time do you want me to pick you up?"

"I'll pick you up..." I rushed through the words impulsively. "I'll call you once I'm on my way there."

"Okay then." He sighed.

We hung up and I went to the bathroom. I stopped in front of the mirror and stared at my reflection.

Physically, I didn't seem different. But on the inside, everything was utterly changed…

I sighed and focused on my eyes. There was something in them, but I couldn't identify what. They seemed bigger, lighter, or glowing more than usual…

Could he tell?

I was afraid he could. He knew me better than anyone, sometimes I suspected that he knew me even better than I knew myself. Could he see it in my eyes? That I was into him?

I shook my head. That fucking sentence hit me so weirdly...

"I'm into him." I repeated out loud to my reflection.

It didn't seem to convey all that I felt for him, it seemed so... shallow.

I spent some more minutes there, looking deep into the green depths of my own eyes, trying to figure it out. But the longer I tried, the more anxious I got so, I decided that was something I'd have to think about later.

I took a shower, got dressed, and then idled in my room for a while before deciding it was better to go to Edward's house already. I said a quick goodbye to my mom, warning her I would be at Edward's, and she simply smiled widely. I sent her back a smile and she winked. Thank God my father was in training camp.

I knew that Edward and I could only leave after the barbecue was over, and that was why I intended on going there to pick him up just after six at first, but I was too anxious to sit around and wait. Soon I was parking in front of the Cullen's property and entering the house through the backdoor. Since I knew everybody was at the pool, I took the path to the backyard.

I was just turning the corner when I saw them.

Edward was leaning against the house wall, near the kitchen's outer door, and Rose was in front of him, really close to his body. She had both her hands on his chest, and he was holding her wrists.

My whole body got rigid. My heart started to pound so fast that my breathing got labored. Instinctively, I hid.

I leaned on the corner and peeked, feeling this killer jealousy. It was hard to make out their words 'cause they were talking kinda quietly, but I focused the best I could, trying to listen to them.

"...your brother." Edward said in a calm voice and then paused.

Great. They were talking about me, probably discussing how to break the news.

"But he doesn't know about it." Rose's voice was too low, I almost didn't catch that. "And you don't want him to… right?"

"I don't." Edward's tone was wavering. "Because I don't wanna lose him over this. He's my best friend."

Rose nodded and they were silent for a quick moment, just looking at each other.

"But… you like me too, don't you?" My sister asked, this time a little louder, and of course I recognized that extra sweet voice she used to get things her way.

Then she stood on her toes, got impossibly closer to him, and craned her neck.

My heartbeats jolted and my hand curled into fists.

I felt like I was about to choke or throw up, but I needed to hear his answer. Based on my suspicions, I had a pretty good idea about what that would be, but I needed confirmation. So I took a deep breath while his voice sounded clear enough.

"I do like you, Rose…" He answered with a kind smile.

And then, they were kissing.

I turned on my heels and just walked away. I couldn't take that scene. I felt instantly smashed. And a little betrayed by Edward. He didn't know how I felt for him but Rosalie was my sister and I deserved to know about them. He even wanted to keep hiding it.

My eyes started to sting, so I wanted to run as far from Edward's house as possible before the first tears were shed. And that would have been exactly what I would have done if I hadn't bumped into Bella.

"Jay!" She grabbed my arm and started pulling me back to the house. "I was just going to your house to look for you, what happened? I was worried."

I opened my mouth to answer, but I never got to say anything.

"I called you just minutes ago, but you didn't answer… I thought you'd given up, but you don't need to…" She kept talking and pulling me, completely unaware of how I was. "You don't need to do it today, you can wait until tomorrow, and we can sit a little apart from everyone and talk some more until you feel you're ready to do this…"

I stopped walking briskly, which braked her movement.

"I'm not telling him." I said even before she turned to me. "Not today, not ever."

Bella looked at me with surprise, tilted her head, and frowned.

"What?! Why? I thought you agreed that you can't hide this from him."

"I don't want him to know." My voice quivered. "It's pointless."

Bella sighed and got closer, looking deep into my eyes.

"Maybe it is." She said calmly, her brows raised in defiance. "But, even so, will you be able to live with it in secret? If you don't tell him, it'll eat you alive and end up undermining your friendship."

"It doesn't matter. It can eat me alive, I don't care." I replied despondently. "Besides, he doesn't deserve my honesty anyway. He's not been honest with me."

"What the hell are you talking about?" She sounded confused.

I took a deep breath, trying to keep the image of Edward kissing Rosalie away from my mind.

I felt the frown deforming my face, and the inadvertent hurt burning inside my stomach.

"He's with Rose."

Bella seemed puzzled for a brief while. Then she frowned.

"He is?!"

"Yes. I just saw it with my own eyes."

"It doesn't make sense…" She spoke to herself. Then she looked at me. "What exactly did you see?"

I heaved a sigh.

"They were… kissing."

She looked aghast for a moment but recovered quickly.

"Edward and Rose...?" She was clearly skeptical. "Something's off…"

"Bella, nobody told me, I saw them."

She inhaled deeply, looked around as if clearing her mind, put one of her hands on her forehead, and looked at me again.

"Jay, look, there must be an explanation for that. It makes no sense at all. I'm sure this is some kind of misunderstanding." Her voice was as tense as she seemed.

But at that very moment, I didn't really care. I was so hurt that I was hopeless and feeling drained, so I just wanted to go away as fast as possible.

"You can think whatever you want, sweetie… I'm outta here." I murmured and stepped away from her, prepared to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know."

"You can't simply leave. You're really not talking to him?"

"No, Bella. I'm not. Don't you realize what'll happen? What Edward being with my sister entails?"

"Actually no, I don't." She answered while frowning. "Listen, I understand that, if he's with Rose it will hurt you, but… does it really make him unworthy of the truth? Does it make him any less of a friend?"

"No, it doesn't!" I almost yelled. "And that's the problem!" I shook my head. "I can't interfere, I can't give him a reason to be weird with me when I'll probably lose a part of him. I can't lose any more than I already am. I don't want him to change any more than he will already."

I felt that some tears had escaped as I said all that, so I turned and started striding to the entrance of the house.

"Jay please, wait!."

I ignored her and just kept walking, but she was determined. She came after me and this time she seemed kind of angry. She held my arm forcefully, and I looked at her surprised. She was pretty small and thin to have all that strength.

"You're not going anywhere until we figure this out. I won't let you screw up your friendship with Edward because of an assumption." Yes, she was angry.

I sighed and stepped closer to her.

"Bella, please?" I asked in a quavering voice, feeling my eyes stinging intensely. Her stance softened. "It's not an assumption, I saw the two of them together, kissing." My voice broke and I had to pause and breathe before continuing. "Edward is dating my sister now… if he knows that I have feelings for him, it's one of both: either he'll change his behavior around me to protect me from the hurt or to protect her from insecurity. Either way, I'll lose the only thing I have, which is his friendship. I can't risk it."

Bella took my hands in hers and held them firmly.

"Breathe." She asked kindly.

I did as I was told, and another tear trickled down my face. I closed my eyes.

I heard Bella sigh and felt when she let go of one of my hands to dry the tear with a soft brush of her thumb. I sighed too.

"Jay, look at me…" She asked, and I felt her hands on my face. I obeyed. "I understand your heart is breaking right now, but… don't run away."

As a low sob parted my lips, I was hit by his presence. It reached me before his voice, like a sudden wave, powerful and unexpected. I closed my eyes again.

"Hey, you're here." He said from somewhere behind me, and I could easily identify the smile in his tone.

Bella pressed her fingers on my temples. I opened my eyes and saw hers, and they were fierce in mine. She mouthed: 'talk to him'. I shook my head once before I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, probably noticing Bella's distress by her facial expression.

The hurt throbbed inside me, and I had to swallow hard not to allow more tears to come out.

I took a deep breath, knowing full well there was not much I could do… he would notice I was down as soon as he saw my face. There was no escaping from that talk but I wouldn't disclose the truth. I had to find a way to justify my sadness.

Before I could muster some semblance of normalcy, Edward turned me to him.

He gasped quietly and frowned.

"What happened…?" His tone was wary.

I shook my head slowly.

"Let's talk." I uttered.

He nodded and sighed.

"I'll just grab my coat." He said and turned.

I held his wrist before he could take a step forward.

"We don't need to go anywhere." I rushed through the words and he turned back to me. "I can say everything I have to say right here and now. It won't take long."

He nodded again, his eyes guarded.

"I'll give you guys some privacy." Bella spoke in a low voice before leaving us.

I heaved a weighted sigh and squeezed my eyes. Once I opened them, the intensity of Edward's stare in mine made me waver. The air was stuck in my throat so I had to release a puff of air to be able to speak.

"We've been friends since… forever." I said in a choked voice and watched as he nodded slowly. "How important am I to you?"

Edward gasped and his eyebrows twitched.

"You're… essential to my life."

"Then why are you trying to hurt me?"

His posture tensed immediately and he came closer.

"How did I do that?"

"Didn't we promise not to keep secrets from each other?" My tone came out grave and hurt.

Edward got clearly more rigid and took a deep breath. I saw his lips parting and closing and I knew he was searching for the best way to ask that.

So I answered his question before he could voice it.

"Yeah… I know. I heard you and Rose just now." My voice broke and his eyes got bigger.

His gray eyes got a bit dull before he closed them.

Bending his head, Edward heaved a sigh and ran his left hand through his hair while biting his bottom lip. Then he looked at me.

"Jay, please just…" He was kinda breathless. "Can I explain?"

"You don't have to…" I didn't wanna hear it. "I… got it pretty well… Actually, I've kinda known about it…"

"Since when?" His frown matched his tense low voice.

"The day after my birthday… at the swimming pool, when you and Bella were talking." I explained and he nodded, suddenly looking disheartened. "And then… I started to pay attention to things and…" I huffed. "It doesn't really matter. What matters is… I know, but why didn't you tell me?"

He looked away for a couple of seconds and then gazed back at me.

"I was afraid of how you would react."

"Did you think I would freak out?" It didn't sound like a question.

He answered anyway.

"Yes."

I looked down and huffed again.

"I just didn't want you to get all weird around me. I don't wanna lose my best friend." Edward rushed through the explanation while stepping closer once again.

I tilted my head up a bit to hold his stare.

"I don't wanna lose you either, but you must have an idea of how hard it is for me to accept this, especially after you hid it from me."

"I'm sorry. I truly am, I just…" It was his turn to huff. "Jay, you have to believe me, I wanted to tell you but… I was afraid you would get angry at me."

"I'm not angry." I assured him. "I just… this is really uncomfortable… I feel really uncomfortable with it."

Edward seemed to flinch but I wasn't sure. His face fell and his eyes were promptly downcast.

"I can't… help how I feel…" He kinda murmured.

"I know." I hastened to say. "I'm sorry, I know I'm sounding and acting like a jerk, and it seems like I don't mind hurting you…" I sighed while he shook his head. "I don't wanna hurt you, I want to understand and accept this… I just need to make sure that things will remain the same between us. I don't want anything to change."

"Nothing will change, I promise." He assured me in a downhearted tone.

We shared a tense look in silence for a moment. And, although things seemed to be clear and our talk had been as smooth as it could have been, I was still feeling the anguish fresh and pounding inside me. I knew I had to distance myself for a while.

I heaved a weighted breath and looked away, bracing myself for my own next words. My heart sank, feeling small and strangled. Again I had to release the air in a loud puff before looking back at him.

"I still need time though…" I let the words slip in a hushed tone. "to… internalize this."

Edward's eyes darted away and became glassy.

"Okay, I get it." His voice was just above a whisper.

I felt the urge to touch him somehow, but I didn't know how to do that without making both of us more uneasy. So I just stepped backward.

Just as I turned to walk away I heard him.

"Jazz…"

I turned hesitantly.

"Hum…?"

"Please don't hate me…" He bluntly pleaded.

I felt myself frowning.

"I couldn't even if I wanted to." I affirmed.

He nodded and I did it too. Then I strode away as fast as I could before the tears came back.