Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

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Where the Lines Overlap

Season 1 - Stuck on You

Bounce from the Bottom

"Jayjay?" I heard my mother's voice.

Slowly, unwilling, I opened my eyes. I was still on the floor, my body curled up in a fetal position. Everything hurt, my legs, my arms, my back, my neck, probably because I slept on the carpet instead of on my bed. I also had a terrible headache. My eyes were stinging, and I was pretty sure they were red and puffy. But the most worrying thing was the giant hole carved in my chest. It felt weird... I knew my heart was beating normally in there, but it seemed like there was nothing in its place… just a deep dark gap.

"Jayjay, are you awake?" My mother insisted on the other side of the door.

"Just a sec, Momma." I said in a loud enough tone for her to hear me, and I got surprised by how hoarse my voice was.

I got up blinking repeatedly and rubbing my eyes, immediately feeling light-headed and swaying a little before I could find my balance again. I took a deep breath, bracing myself for the million questions my mom probably was about to suffocate me with… after all, I had totally ignored her the night before, even though it was kind of an involuntary act.

I opened the door. She looked at me with surprised eyes at first, and then with tenderness. I kept waiting for the inquiry but it never happened. My mother simply slid her soft fingers across my face, hugged me sweetly for a moment, sighed on my shoulder, and looked at me again with a worried gaze.

"You should take a long hot shower." She said lovingly, holding my face in between her delicate hands. "Then, if you feel like it, you can go downstairs and have something to eat. I made pancakes…" She sighed and freed my face. "We're alone in the house. Your sister went out."

That small innocent last comment made me promptly uneasy…

I looked down.

I tried not to focus on the possibility that crept up in my mind, but there was no avoiding it… the vivid picture of my sister getting into Edward's car and going on yet another date with him was formed in the forefront of my head, and my heart was torn again.

My mom must've noticed my disturbance because she put her hands on my shoulder and searched for my eyes until I was looking at her again.

"Long hot shower." She repeated in a kind voice, nodded, and smiled, looking expectantly at me until I mimicked her.

Then she got on the tip of her toes, so I bent my head waiting for her kiss. My mom kissed my forehead lingeringly, and I closed my eyes, absorbing the warmth that the gesture provided.

"Thanks, Momma." I mumbled, thankful for her thoughtfulness.

"No problem." She shrugged, smiled again, and turned to the hall, walking slowly.

I took another deep breath, finally reached my bed, and sat on it. I spent some time staring at nothing, trying to wrap my head around everything that had happened the day before, the conversation I had with Bella, my stupid escape with Alice, my last talk with Edward…

I already missed him… I felt like his absence was everywhere around me, even though I had seen him just hours before. But I knew it was because we wouldn't be seeing each other like before… everything would be totally different.

How would I conciliate? Loving him and keeping him as a friend, seeing him in love with someone else? How could I live with that secret and still get along with him?

Bella was right… and wasn't she always? That feeling, the secrecy, hanging out with him while he dated my sister or any other girl for that matter… it would be unbearable.

I had to try and stay away, at least for a while. I had to try hard. Because it made more sense this way. It would be the easiest way out of that dark black hole I was in.

On the floor of my closet, a blinking light caught my attention.

My cell phone. I had probably dropped it when I fell asleep.

I took it and checked. There was one call from the big guy and two from Bella, all of them from earlier that morning. No calls from Edward…

I checked my voicemail. There was one message, so I put it to play on the speakerphone.

"Hey… It's me." Edward's whispered voice filled the room and I felt a pang in my heart.

I heard him taking a deep breath, obviously preparing himself to continue saying whatever he was saying on the recording, but I couldn't take it. I was promptly terrified of what he may have said. So I turned it off, feeling my heart pounding so strongly in my chest that it hurt again.

I stared at the cell phone for a long while, forcing myself to decide whether I should hear the message or not. I checked the time I'd received it and got surprised. Edward had sent it to me the previous afternoon. I was at the bar with Alice at the time. It was soon after our talk.

I should have checked my voicemail earlier...

I knew I needed to hear it despite my fear, so I braced myself before pressing play… but when I was about to, Emmett's picture popped up on my screen.

I wasn't okay to answer, but the big guy didn't use to call unless it was something important. So I decided to take the call. But before I could accept it, this distant low voice in my head told me that this was definitely related to what had happened between Edward and me, and I didn't want to deal with that, so I dodged the call and turned off the phone.

I sighed and closed my eyes. Hearing Edward's voice and thinking about him arose the memory of our talk and the reason for it… and suddenly I was seeing him and Rosie kissing again.

I squeezed my eyes and shook my head, trying to push away the memory… but it only morphed into another disturbing image…

I saw Rosie getting into his car as Edward stared at her with a longing gaze. I saw them kissing passionately until they were both breathless. I saw them driving fast back to Edward's house and rushing to his room. I saw them stumbling to the bed while their kiss got more intimate and intense, and clothes started to get shed…

I opened my eyes.

I felt suddenly sick. It was all too much for me to handle on top of not having had a proper sleep after getting too much to drink and nothing to eat the previous evening. I ran to the bathroom.

Obviously, nothing came out, I had nothing in my stomach to throw up. I dry-heaved for a while, my eyes tearing up as I tried to breathe between the gag reflexes, my heart pounding irregularly. Then I sat on the tiled floor, gasping, leaning on the sink cabinet. And out of nowhere, an impossible image popped up in my mind.

Edward and Ikissing. In the middle of my bathroom.

I blinked. I shook my head. But the image was so clear I couldn't ignore it.

He had his hands on both sides of my face. I had mine around his neck. And our lips were locked in each other's.

Where did it come from? I was fantasizing about kissing him?! I was getting crazy…

I got up and got rid of my pants as fast as I could. I needed a shower. But not the hot, comforting shower my mother had suggested. I needed an icy, freezing shower to wake me up from that hallucination.

I entered the stall and started the shower. As the cold water washed through me, more images arose in my head, unsettling me.

It seemed like an old dream, one I'd had some time ago but hadn't remembered until that moment. But it was so real I could almost swear it had actually happened.

"I want to kiss you… I want to kiss you so bad…"

I could hear myself saying as a clear image of Edward's lips, his perfect pink lips, slightly opening in response to what I'd said, emerged in my mind.

"Jazz, do you know who you're with?"

The echo of his voice flooded my brain, repeating the sentence like a broken record.

I shook my head and opened my eyes.

When had I had this dream? And why was I remembering it only now?

"I want to remember."

My own voice, distant as an old memory, filled my ears.

Suddenly I felt dizzy again, so I leaned on the wall for support, bent my head, and closed my eyes once more. I breathed deeply twice, trying to regain my balance. But when I opened my eyes the image took form in front of me again.

Edward's lips… so close...

The desire was fucking overwhelming.

I rubbed my eyes, feeling a strong thrill spreading throughout my body.

What was happening to me?!

I put myself under the water spray again, breathing slowly.

I had to put my mind at ease. I couldn't keep thinking that much about him, I had to stop.

For minutes I simply breathed and let the water wash my fears. Gradually, I started to calm down. Until I was able to think straight again.

I turned off the shower and dried myself. I avoided the mirror cuz I knew what I would see there and I just couldn't deal with that then. I went through my morning routine as normally as I could, and then I went back to my room, straight to my closet, so I could get dressed. Then I went downstairs.

My mom was watching some TV cooking show, sitting on the sofa with crossed legs and interlaced hands on her lap, always so graceful in the way she behaved... She looked over her shoulder when I entered the room, quickly offering her right hand to me.

I took it and kissed it with some reverence before sitting by her side. We were silent for a while, basically because I didn't have anything to say and couldn't share my thoughts with her. But her presence was comforting, and I enjoyed the simplicity of being alone with my momma for a moment.

Then she muted the TV and turned her body a little in my direction. I looked at her a bit warily, afraid of what she was seeing on my face and what she was about to say or ask.

"I know that, now that you're a young man, it's not my place to take care of your personal issues anymore…" Her voice sounded as always, soothing and sweet, and loving. "But you should know, and never forget, that I'm here for you if you need to talk."

I averted my eyes from her compassionate ones and bent my head. It would be really helpful to talk to her at that moment, I truly needed to unburden but… how could I?

"I also know that you may feel a little uncomfortable, talking to your mother about whatever this is…" Of course she had noticed that something was going on. "But you don't need to tell me everything, you can just… make questions or, maybe, speak about it without being specific."

I looked at her, feeling kinda surprised, and smiled tentatively, grateful again for her thoughtfulness. I sincerely didn't know this side of my mom.

She shrugged and smiled back at me, and suddenly (and oddly) I felt like talking to her. I knew I couldn't disclose much, but she'd said I could make questions…

I took a deep breath and exhaled heavily.

"What can we do to stop… caring too much for someone?"

My mom frowned subtly and I thought her expression was one of curiosity.

"Well, first of all, why would we want to stop caring for someone?" Her voice was linear and neutral, she wasn't judging or prying.

"Maybe because… it… hurts too much… the one who cares."

It was the best I could do to get nearer to the truth without exposing myself.

"Because the person on the receiving end of this care doesn't care the same way?" She asked carefully.

I nodded hesitantly. My mother smiled softly, comprehension glowing in her emerald eyes and making me feel strangely relieved.

"Well, my baby boy…" She started while holding my face between her small delicate hands. "It's not easy to stop caring for someone if this caring is truly deep and real. So, let me ask you some things…" She paused, waiting for my permission, and I nodded again. "Is it deep and real?" I sighed heavily, lowered my eyes, and nodded slightly. My mom sighed too. "Hum. And would this feeling, this care that we have for someone, be strong enough to the point of making us capable of feeling happy if this person is happy? Even if it makes us a little sad."

I was struck by how sweetly careful my mom was, and how it was making me feel comfortable enough to open up a little.

I breathed deeply, thinking about what she'd asked. Her hands went to my shoulders as she waited patiently.

Would I feel happy if Edward felt happy? Yes, of course I would. But would I feel happy for him if Edward feeling happy hurt me, due to the reason he was happy?

I didn't know… It was a tough question to answer. I thought it was possible with some effort, but...

"I think I could… feel happy for the person, but... I'm not sure I would bear the hurt." I whispered without looking at my mom, fully aware that I had just been very specific.

She held my face again, delicately making me look at her once more.

"Of course it takes some time and effort, honey. This type of situation is never easy and it requires a little self-sacrifice… but if the person is worth it…"

"The person is worth it." I rushed to say in a murmur, feeling my eyes fill with tears.

"Then you should breathe deeply and smile whenever you're around the person, especially when the pain is a little more intense. Smiling helps to ease the heart." I smiled softly. "Unless you think it's best to keep away and you are able to do so."

I wasn't sure about that, so I shook my head slowly while shrugging.

"It hurts more to think of keeping away." I confessed.

One single tear trickled down my face, and I looked down, a little embarrassed of crying in front of my momma. She simply dried it with her fingers and pulled me into her embrace.

"Everything is going to be alright, honey. You're a sweet and strong young man, and you'll find your way through this."

I held her back, feeling protected enough. I hoped she was right…

.

.

.

Four days passed. Four days of early morning breakfasts with only my momma in comfortable silence. Four days of speaking only the extremely necessary with my sister and making her obviously puzzled by my behavior. Four days of early arrivals at the library and late departures from work, just because I needed to be busy and distracted the most I could. Four days without answering my friends' calls and texts to avoid the questions and the probable pressure they would have made. Four days of pretending to myself that I was hanging in there.

Four days of sleepless nights. Four days of silence...

Four days without Edward.

I exhaled loudly and threw the small rock I had been holding toward the lake.

I was postponing everything. I was simply kicking the can down the road but, the reality was, I had to deal with all that stuff, and soon. Time was running out and I had to find a way to keep Edward in my life without hurting myself so much.

I didn't want to be away from him for longer. I didn't want to be away from him at all. And I definitely didn't want to ruin our plans for college. But the battle I was fighting with myself didn't seem to have an end or solution.

I wanted to go to Brown with him just like we'd been dreaming of since we were old enough to care about our higher education, but I knew I couldn't share an apartment with Edward anymore. Not if I wanted to keep myself sane.

The rational, logical, and smart thing to do was to put some distance between me and my best friend. This way I wouldn't hurt myself, and him. I would be sparing us both. But my stupid heart simply disagreed with me, and fuck if it wasn't a damn very good and loud brawler.

"Jay-bro?" A robust and unmistakable voice broke the night silence and reached me through the cold air.

Surprisingly, it didn't startle me. I just felt a little confused about how he had found me there and why he would drive one hour that late at night to do so.

I turned in time to see him passing through the high bushes that surrounded the clearing. It was dark, the moonless sky was as cloudy as usual. If he hadn't had a flashlight in his hand and my lamp hadn't been potent enough to illuminate the area the needed amount, we wouldn't have been able to see each other.

Once I noticed he was sporting a worried frown I understood why he'd gone through the trouble to find me. This was important, otherwise, he wouldn't be there.

"Hey, Emm." I forced my voice to be steady.

"Busy?" He asked as he reached me and sat by my side on the grass. He sounded preoccupied.

"No, not actually." I sneered. "Why?"

He hesitated a little, looking at the lake.

"You're okay?" He was obviously worried, his tone was strained.

I sighed, and he looked at me, still frowning.

"Okay enough." I said with another sigh. "So… you're here because…"

"I was worried about you and…" He stopped abruptly, clearly choosing his words. "There's something I need to talk to you."

"What is it about?" I asked just to make sure my immediate suspicion wasn't unfounded.

"I'm sorry, man. I know you're probably here 'cause you need to be alone, and I hate to invade your space... if this wasn't so important I wouldn't be here, you know I hate to meddle…"

Yep. That was true.

It should be something really serious to make Emmet meddle. The big guy was the last person in the world that would stick his nose into someone else's business. He hated to be involved in other people's drama. He was a great friend and was always available if you needed him, but he was more like the funny type, that mate you go for when you need to cheer up, loosen up. For him to be concerned about problems he wasn't involved in, meant that something serious was happening with someone he loved, someone that was truly important to him. And Edward fit perfectly into this category.

Edward was Emmet's best friend, the one and only, therefore he had always been very protective of Edward, pretty much like Edward was of me. And Emmet was the one person Edward would go to besides me.

Emmet and I had lots of things in common, but the most important one had always been our best friend. That was how I suddenly knew that the reason for him to be reaching out to me was something related to the latest events between me and E.

"I tried to call you, so I wouldn't have to do exactly what I'm doing now, barging into your place, your space, your time…"

"It's okay, Emm." I assured him.

"Nah, I know it's not okay man. If it'd been okay you wouldn't have dodged my calls. But I'm not mad at you or anything, I understand. I just really need to talk to you. I went to your house earlier, but Mrs. H told me you were out with the rest of the gang…" He looked at me pointedly.

"I couldn't tell her I was driving all the way here alone." I justified. "She would've freaked out." I shrugged.

"I figured." He smiled slightly. "That's why I thought you would be here. I knew you were not with any of us. Bella, Alice, and Rose are having a girls' night, and Jake is out of town with his dad, so…" It was his turn to shrug.

It didn't go unnoticed that Edward's name was omitted, and I didn't really know what to make of that, so I just insisted on the pressing matter.

"And the important thing you have to talk to me…" I gave him the cue.

"Edward."

And there it was.

I got immediately nervous, 'cause I had an idea of what he was about to ask, and I wasn't sure about the best way to answer without giving away the truth.

I tried to seem neutral.

"Shoot."

Emmet sighed before looking at his hands on his lap. He seemed strangely uncomfortable, something really rare when it came to him. Then he looked at me hesitantly.

"I thought he was talking nonsense… but yesterday he bought the plane ticket."

I frowned, confused. Emmett just went on.

"He's decided, he's going away. " He said in a somber voice. "Edward is accepting Oxford's proposition."

"What are you talking about?" My voice came out all unstable.

"He's going there to take his documents and visit the campus. He's serious about it."

"No, I mean… what Oxford's proposition?"

Emm's face morphed into realization.

"Fuck, you didn't know…" He clearly thought out loud. "I thought you knew, Edward tells everything…"

"Emm!" I urged.

He released a puff of air and ran his hand through his hair, tilting his head to the side, seemingly resigning himself.

"He got a full-ride scholarship to Oxford University. He's turned it down then but now he's…"

"He was accepted there?!" I cut him off. "I never knew he applied."

Emmett shook his head.

"He didn't. He's been invited. The school adviser was approached by someone from there some time ago, before graduation, and was questioned about Edward. They offered him the scholarship."

My heart skipped a beat.

"He didn't tell me any of this… I don't understand." I huffed dejectedly. "Wait… if he's turned it down, how can he decide to go to England now? The school semester is about to start in a month, there's no time for applications and interviews, all the deadlines are through..."

Emmett held my forearm with his heavy hand.

"Oxford wants him, Jasper! Really wants him. So they've put his acceptance and his scholarship on hold." He explained. "It's all there just waiting for him."

I looked away from the big guy feeling totally lost.

How could I compete with that? I was there looking for a way to compromise my feelings with rationality and Edward was planning on putting a whole ocean between us!

"Why would he do that? Why would he want to go to another continent?" I was kinda thinking out loud, but Emmett answered me anyway.

"If you think a little harder, I know you'll find the answer to this question." His voice was serious like she was trying to elicit something from me, something that he also knew.

But I wasn't thinking anymore. Fear had taken me. I was promptly so scared of losing Edward once and for all that I was completely driven by despair. There was no room in my mind to rationalize or mull over what Emm had just told me. All I could think about was what I could do to change Edward's mind.

I didn't know what I should, could, or would do, definitely not, but I decided then and there that I wouldn't allow him to go away.

"I have to do something." I mumbled. "I can't let him go away."

"My point exactly." Emmett stated by my side. "That's why I'm here."

"When is his flight?" I asked while standing up.

"In two days." Emmett answered as he mimicked my motion.

"Help me pack these up?" I raised an eyebrow at him, pointing to the camping stuff.

Emm nodded and smiled while we rushed to get things done.