They haven't spoken much since then. There was absolute radio silence the first few days and although they both started missing each other rather soon and constantly checked their phones for any new messages, they felt too hurt and proud to actually reach out.

The first one who buckled was Gakushuu. It took him a whole week until worry won over his anger and he dropped by on a random afternoon, checking if his brother was still alive. He was, although it's hard to say if playing games at home the whole day and barely eating could be called living.

He started coming by a bit more often with time, bringing food and sometimes even attempting small talk. Karma entertained him with a smile on his lips but it was clear that a thick, ice wall stood between them now.

To summarize, they acted like strangers.

Did it hurt? Of course it did. Karma spent the whole day after their argument bundled in his blankets, shaken to the core. He has already been abandoned by both his mother and father and now, despite all the promises they made, Gakushuu left as well. Not only that, he called their bond a weakness. It hurt more than he could have ever imagined. His older brother was the only constant for as long as he could remember and suddenly he was gone.

He refused to cry though. Not over someone as insensitive and arrogant as that asshole. No, he was going to keep going and show that he was better off without Gakushuu, fully capable of leading a good and happy life.

Ignoring the situation got him only so far. The longer Karma spent alone in that big vacant house, the more his loneliness grew. The rooms became cold and lifeless and they reminded him with each passing minute that there used to be another person there who cared, fretted and laughed with him. Even the door Gakushuu kicked down started to become a taunt, yet Karma couldn't find it in himself to replace it. If he did, he'd erase the last trace of his brother.

Sometimes, Karma needed to scream. Other times he needed to break something to make sure this was all real.

Unfortunately for him, it was.

Gakushuu didn't try any harder after they started talking again. Karma was tired of the cold treatment and once attempted to bring up the subject, only to be shot down. I said what I said, Karma, he'd repeat and that was the end of the discussion. Gakushuu always had to be right and anyone who defied his ideas was wrong.

Dejection was a given and so was anger, but what really got to Karma was the pain of not being heard. To have a person who once used to be his world completely invalidate his words, to suddenly have to put on a pretence and stay on guard... that's what hurt the most. He looked at Gakushuu yearning for the love which he was already so desperately in need of, only to remember that he'd receive none.

Soon, Karma's suspension from school ended. He went to school for the first time in god knows how long and finally met that notorious yellow alien he was told about by government officials. He sure was surprised by its size, but even then he managed to get a hit on it. What fun, really! Finally, there was a target for all of his pent-up anger and frustration.

Now, he was standing by the kitchen sink in deep thought. What should he do with this octopus? It was so slimy and disgusting he couldn't even bring himself to touch it without gloves.

"Why did you buy this... thing?" Gakushuu suddenly shows up behind the redhead, surprisingly less apathetic than usual.

"I thought I could make some seafood," he lies, putting it back in the fridge. "But not now."

The strawberry blond raises an eyebrow but doesn't comment on it.

His brother brought yet another bag of groceries it seems and started sorting them into the pantries. They stay quiet the whole time and misery gnaws at Karma again. He desperately misses their usual banter but Gakushuu has clearly shown that the only thing he cares about is being flawless and controlling people. If Karma even tried to bring up anything about his school day, he probably wouldn't even want to hear it. Who cares about some failures and what they do, right?

Whatever. Karma can manage. His classmates aren't that bad either. There is Nagisa-kun whom he's known since the first year. Surprisingly, even some more well-known people like Kanzaki-san who was popular among the boys and Isogai-kun, who was well-liked by the ladies landed there. Probably got into some trouble just like Karma, because the last time he remembers hearing about them, their grades were above average.

Ten minutes later, Gakushuu leaves without a word.


The next day, Karma barely wakes up. He's not the morning type by far and it doesn't help that his mind likes to keep him up with negative thoughts. If he could, he'd personally burn alive the person who invented morning classes.

Still, he begrudgingly gets up and prepares for school. Karma awake before 10 a.m is an exceptional sight and Gakushuu would have probably been proud if he was capable of emotions.

The reason for this miracle? The octopus he bought yesterday stank really bad. He needed to implement it for his plan and that took preparation too. So now here he was, transporting that slimy thing to his class with a sinister grin. He is so looking forward to harassing that teacher.

He scoffs at the word. Teacher. How cute. Karma thinks he's going to barf. So many fakes that like to call themselves teachers, pretending to care so much about their students while it's all just for their own agenda.

Karma has had enough of fakes. Fake teachers, fake friends, fake families.

Fake brothers.

He's going to kill that thing.

Unfortunately for him, crushing that sensei's image doesn't go so well. While stabbing the octopus does the trick, everything goes down from there. He manages to throw Koro-sensei off guard with those bullets on the ground but somehow, he's being stuffed with the very octopus he brought by the end of it.

Home Economics was no good either. He got dressed into a ridiculously looking apron. Somehow, that wasn't the end of it. During Japanese, the yellow monster immediately sensed Karma drawing the weapon and in return painted his nails.

Over and over again, Karma's pride was torn apart. It spoilt his fun and wasted all his efforts. He still hears the mocking laughter of his classmates.

How displeasing. How detestable.

Why did he always end up falling?

"Karma-kun?" he hears a voice call him from behind. The wind is strong on the cliff so it's hard to make out the voice. The redhead stops biting his nails and turns around. It's Nagisa-kun.

We can try again, he says. We can always kill Koro-sensei – together, that is.

Karma feels sick. He feels sick to the stomach at his own helplessness.

Then comes the monster, complacently grinning with green stripes on his face. It rubs salt into all his wounds and god do they burn, they burn so much and he needs to make it stop.

He sees another fake laughing at his misery. Another proof of how cruel this world is. Maybe Gakushuu is right. Maybe he really should pull himself together, become what Gakushuu wants him to be - perfect - and maybe then he'll stop feeling this way.

And so, an idea enters his mind.

"You are a teacher, right?" he asks, standing up.

Yes, he replies.

"So would a teacher put his life on the line to protect his students?"

Again, he agrees.

It's probably a stupid idea. A desperate last resort. But it appeals to him, it calls Karma desperately. The logical side of him screams no, tells him there's no need to go this far, but Karma ignores it.

His heart races at the thought of what's going to happen next.

For the first time in very long, he feels alive.

"I see, that's good. In that case, I can definitely-" he takes a step back, "-kill you."

He jumps.

Nagisa-kun cries out. Koro-sensei's expression drops too, but soon they all disappear from his sight, replaced with the blue sky. The feeling of free fall makes Karma's stomach churn but the exhilaration of being free - free of expectations, free of all the blues he's been drowning in lately - brings a wretched grin to his face. At the same time, Karma's on the lookout to shoot his teacher the moment he attempts to catch him.

And throughout it all, he keeps his smile.

Flawless. What a flawless plan. Gakushuu would approve of it, for sure. It didn't matter what he had to sacrifice, whether it was others or himself - as long as he achieved perfection, that was enough.

What other way to prove his value?

What other way to get closer to his brother?

And yet, sensei saves him.

Why?

And why does he so feel relieved?

"For me, the option to abandon you does not exist. Believe in me and jump whenever you want."

Why is he so happy to hear that?

What does he have to do to have his family say that?


The moment Karma arrives home, he notices the door being unlocked. He takes a deep breath to calm himself and enters, immediately spotting Gakushuu in the living room. Much to his surprise, the strawberry blond is sitting on the couch, reading a book. Probably needed to escape his annoying virtuoso friends.

Gakushuu turns around and immediately frowns upon noticing how dirty Karma's clothes are.

"What have you done this time?" his tone is soft and for a moment, it sounds like everything is back to normal between them.

Karma throws his bag in the corner. He heads towards the fridge, searching for some snacks. The whole ordeal took a lot of energy out of him and his hands were starting to tremble. He's been undereating lately and it's taking a toll on him.

Gakushuu notices as much.

"Nothing much, just tried to kill myself," Karma hums. Oh, he found a bar of chocolate. Yummy.

"What?" there's a loud thud.

The redhead glances at his brother while chewing on the chocolate. Gakushuu's eyes are wide in horror, brows knitted together and the book had just been holding was now passionately kissing the floor.

"I thought I would try jumping from a cliff," he shrugs casually. "Such a shame my teacher caught me though."

The chocolate is hard and tastes pretty old but it does its job of bringing his blood sugar up so he can't complain. His hands don't shake anymore and he feels his spirits lift, ever so slightly. Well, it's also kind of entertaining to see the stoic council president failing to pick his jaw off the floor.

Gakushuu stands up in a matter of seconds and marches to his younger brother. He grabs the boy by his collar, his intensive glare searching for any hint of mockery.

"You're not lying," he gasps, the hold not loosening. Quite the opposite, it was getting harder to breathe.

"Why would I lie?" Karma comments, his heart racing again. Seeing the cold, impenetrable mask crumble, revealing distraught makes him happy, strangely enough.

Gakushuu grits his teeth. "I know you are stupid but suicidal? What were you thinking, Karma?!"

He's met with silence. Karma doesn't have much to say about that matter, considering he definitely wasn't in the best place when he jumped. Although it's not like had no motive. Then again, it's not like he can say he was trying to assassinate his teacher, can he? Koro-sensei being top-secret and all.

Gakushuu lets go of his collar and pushes Karma down to sit. He crouches in front of him so that Karma's looking down into his violet eyes.

"Are you suicidal?" Gakushuu lets out a ragged breath.

Karma bites the inside of his cheek. He wants to say yes. He wants Gakushuu to care about him again, to pay him attention and stop putting school before him. He wanted his older brother back.

Nothing worked so far. Nothing but this.

But it wouldn't be right. That would be like pressuring Gakushuu into staying with him and that brittle bond wouldn't last, would it?

And so, Karma opts for honesty.

"No, I'm not," he whispers, looking away.

"Then why did you do that?"

Gakushuu tries to catch his gaze but Karma refuses to meet his eyes. He refuses to show the strawberry blond how badly he's hurting and how desperately he wants to be the centre of his world again. It would make me appear weak and pathetic.

"I get crazy ideas, it's not like that's anything new," is the only thing that comes to his mind. "Especially when I'm left alone for too long," he intentionally adds to jab at Gakushuu's cold behaviour.

Gakushuu doesn't say anything at first. He opens his mouth, closes it and then opens it again and it reminds Karma of a fish gaping for air. He's struggling, Karma realizes. His know-it-all, capable-of-it-all, superhuman brother is struggling. In some twisted way, it warms his heart to know that his words have such an effect on the strawberry blond.

"I'm sorry," Gakushuu says in the end, regret obviously lacing his voice. He stands up and embraces Karma.

"I'm sorry for leaving you alone and for hurting you. I am a horrible older brother and you have every right to be mad. You can even punch me if you want, okay?" he stops, taking a deep breath in and finally letting the perfect mask slip. "So don't go jumping off cliffs again, understood? Ever."

"Okay," Karma nods, relief washing over him. He's so tired of this fight. "I'm sorry too. For saying you're like the chairman. It's not true. You're so much better than he could ever be."

They stay like that for a good while, until Karma actually punches his brother in the stomach.

"You said it's fine!" he defends himself when Gakushuu growls at him.

They laugh it off easily but deep inside, Karma knows that it's just a temporary peace. He knows better than to naively believe everything is back to normal.

After all, Gakushuu had yet to come to terms with him falling to class E.