Hi Guys! I know, it has been such a long time... and I am very sorry.
To be frank, I just stopped writing. Nothing bad happened, I didn't get into trouble, I just lost the motivation to sit and write down any ideas. It went on for so long that I no longer even had the guts to do so because I must have disappointed you guys by suddenly disappearing. It is unfair towards you.
However, I noticed that despite that fact, there were still people reading it, wanting more and I just realized that it can't be that late yet? I can still carry on and maybe this time, be more responsible.
This chapter is very short, I wrote it down just so that I could get back to it, no matter how small the step.
So once again, I apologize for not updating and hope that you can forgive me.
Asano's P.O.V.
That night, I slept over at Karma's. Though this time, there was no magical sleeping tea involved, just the power of chasing that shit for 20 minutes straight, combined with fatigue.
However, staying over without any explanation for the chairman - well, I was afraid it wasn't the best idea. But I had to - mainly because I didn't want to come home and face the man, mainly because being with my younger brother gave me at least some sense of safety and belonging.
I had expected my father to be standing in the hall when I would come home, his eyes scanning me and searching for anything that would explain where I have been the whole night. I expected the whole hell to come down because he hated not knowing, especially when it came to me.
But he didn't do anything.
Surprisingly, he didn't even say a word when I returned after school, that being 17 hours since he had last seen me. I just went to fetch my guitar for an upcoming lesson. And all I got was a look, a dead one, one that didn't bear anything behind.
I had no idea what to make of it - was that a good sign? Not possible. It felt like calm before a storm. But why? Has my loss in that match really triggered him that much? Has he entirely given up on me?
I decided not to dwell on it. After all, this silence was still better than his remarks about my worthlessness. And honestly, I was afraid of finding out.
So I ignored this his out-of-character behavior.
The second time he had shown a passive attitude about my actions in general, I started to suspect he wasn't, in fact, ignoring me. It felt like he was watching me. More than ever. Like a shadow that followed me with each step.
That wasn't good. Having been living the entirety of 15 years of my life with him, my instincts were trained well enough for me to know when I was being observed.
And right now, standing in front of the school gates, I could feel his stare stabbing me into the back of my skull. I always thought that the "cold chills" characters in movies claimed to experience were just an exaggeration, but now, nothing could describe it better. Even though he can't have been anywhere but in his office, hundreds of meters away from me, concrete walls and bulletproof glass windows between us - I just knew.
He was trying to find something out and I was afraid that something could turn out to be my everything.
Calmly walking out of the school premises, I headed to my favorite caffeé to study, still aware of the eyes watching me. When I was far enough to feel safer, I took out my phone and immediately texted Karma:
To: Lazy shit
Subject: Trouble?
Text: Don't go near me. Chairman's acting weird.
And I deleted it right away. Seemed like a spy move or something but honestly, better safe than sorry.
I arrived at the caffeé about five minutes later. As always, there were many people and mainly students, though from different schools (that's why I preferred it) sitting with their mugs and desserts, some reading a book, others talking with friends. I found my usual spot on the second floor, the one where very few go, right next to a window which provided me with a nice view of the street down below. It was a lovely place indeed, with the gentle music playing, the murmurs and laughs of other customers acting like the white noise which was perfect for me to concentrate.
Around were many bookshelves with a great variety of literature, from non-fiction, encyclopedias, dictionaries to classics such as the Big Gatsby from Fitzgerald, as well as poems. I noticed a collection of poems by Paul Verlaine and immediately picked it up in curiosity. Some time ago I stumbled upon one of his works "Romances sans paroles" (I think it translates to Songs without words) when I was learning French and I liked it more than I initially thought.
There was one verse that stuck with me until now. It was the line "Et puis voici mon coeur qui ne bat que pour vous", which meant "And here is my heart, which beats only for you".
I found those words so beautiful I committed them to my memory just after reading them for the first time. I don't know why it touched me so much - there was not a girl, not a person - romantically nor platonically - that I really felt about in this way, in this delicate, passionate way. It seemed like something so surreal, so impossible. There was the kind of love for which one would kill. For which one would die. That's the love I shared with Karma. But the kind of love that made you want to live, the kind of love which gave you some purpose - I didn't have that. Not even with him. There was nothing, no one that made me want to live.
My heart, which beats only for you
Could there really ever be someone who would make my heart want to beat?
I could never hope.
Out of blue, there was someone tapping my shoulder and I had to restrain myself in order not to deck the person behind me in sheer panic. Luckily enough I didn't do that because when I turned around, a smiling waitress greeted me.
"I'm sorry for interrupting," she said after noticing the book in my hand, "Would you like to order anything?"
Nodding, I returned the smile: "Yes, hot chocolate with s'mores and a piece of strawberry shortcake please."
After noting it down, she returned downstairs, taking care of the order. I snapped out of my thoughts and put the book down, taking a seat and pulling out my textbooks. There was just enough work to do and if I wanted to sleep peacefully for the next two days, I had to finish them right away.
And as if the heavens didn't want me to even start, my phone screen lightened up, drawing my attention.
I received a text from none other than my younger brother. His reply was just:
K, gl. Gonna b lonely :((( LOL JK I hate ur guts.
And then there were two rows of laughing emojis.
Seriously, such a kid.
