"Whoa… Well, I'm back!"
"Welcome back, Konohamaru."
"Thank you, Udon, see, Moegi? A little bit of professionalism goes a long way…"
"You just stood up and bailed on commentary."
"I went to the bathroom, which I can totally do since we're observing the Battle Royal from a safe room outside of the Black Cube, through a special sealing technique."
"While you were gone, the ruthless Zangyaku Hage of Team Barreleye, Kirigakure, used his signature bloody brawling style to eliminate Gunoi Azbur."
"It was a sight to behold, Gunoi was pressing his superior taijutsu skill but after one solid hit, Hage reversed the situation."
"It's no wonder, Moegi, Hage is known for his ability to manipulate blood that he draws from his opponent. The truly enthralling factoid is that Hage has no known relations to the Chinoike or Hozuki clans. It is still a mystery as to how he manipulates the blood of his opponents, although it appears to be limited to blood drawn on the outside of the body and one that belongs to the enemy."
"Not to mention that ugly mug of his, he looks like a guy that has little to no problem busting someone's nose open…"
"That's right, Konohamaru, also, as you might observe, Armasar Fulgertun has suffered a grievous injury to his face and his arms. That happened when he collided with one Fulgasa Gollfio from Team Quartz."
"Oh? Her fighting style must be vicious to have left such injuries!"
"Actually, she just swings a plough tool around wildly."
"Indeed she does, Moegi, however, while the plough tool she uses raked through Armasar's skin, his signature fighting style of employing under the skin layers of water to soften the blows he takes has paid dividends allowing him to survive while his opponent laments her elimination right now."
"Huh… I don't Inaho from Team Ajisai anywhere either, she was one of ours, wasn't she?"
"That's very observant of you, Konohamaru, you are correct, during your potty break, she bumped into Yoro from Takigakure, however, the man disposed of her using an A-Rank ninjutsu which prompted his exposure as a concealed jounin, due to that fact, he was promptly disqualified."
"What a lousy cheater!"
"Wow, you're really worked up about that, aren't you Konohamaru…"
"I mean, why aren't you? He might have taken your spot in this Battle Royal when he doesn't even need it."
"But none of us have even enrolled…"
"But we could have! Also, if he wasn't in this, maybe more versions of us could have had their shot and maybe they'd have done really well."
"That's not even the last of what you missed, this Yurui fellow from Kumogakure has made excellent use of his bubblegum fighting style and eliminated five whole examinees, catching them in his bubbles completely unaware before Neji in terms eliminated him with an Empty Palm for his trouble."
"Really? A bubblegum style? That seems cool, who did he eliminate?"
"Well… Neji, at the same time as Neji was eliminating him, the younger version of Akimichi Choji, Yoroi Akado and this Buhakim fellow who kept yelling something about "True Spirituality"…"
"Hmmm… That's an upset, so many of our ninja had bitten the dust…"
"May I remind you that you're not meant to take sides?"
"Don't sweat it, Moegi, I'm just kidding, plus, of course, we should be taking sides, didn't we state our favorites at the beginning of this whole gig?"
"That's different…"
"And that's just about everything that has transpired while you were gone. While I was briefing you on what you've missed ten more examinees were eliminated."
"Huh? No way! We've gotta catch up, we're supposed to be commenting this whole thing and not just chasing the tide of battle!"
"You're absolutely right, quick, Udon, munch on this root!"
"Huh… What is it, Moegi?"
"Quickly, just do it!"
"Oh… Okay…"
"Well?"
"Oh yeah! It's so damn spicy! But I feel like commenting the shit out of this competition now! Kiwaro Hai, Team Whipray, your summoned mice didn't help you to jack squat, you're out! Kabuto, nice try but you seem to have passed out unconscious for some reason, I suspect a stray genjutsu! Horein Ptet tried stuffing his arm down into the ventilation tube of Dosu Kinuta's mechanical arm – you're both out! Misumi Tsurugi had the flexibility but not the sternness to withstand the wicked blows of Armasar Fulgertun, out! Armasar Fulgertun, vulnerable to being stabbed from behind by the twisted Tasure Kaeron from Kirigakure, out too! Roh-D took some mean blows from the ax of Hanzo of Team Shiore who in terms was skewered by Quill-B of Kumogakure. Mitsuki was also crushed by a wave of Shinki's Iron Sand!"
"There! All caught up, feel better?"
"No… I feel horrible now…"
"Well, that must be because the root is crashing your system after amping it up."
"What the hell, Moegi!? He's our ace commentator, we can't afford to have him crash on us!"
"Don't worry, I've thought it through!"
"Oh, really!?"
"Yeah, even when he crashes, he won't be in any way slower than Udon usually is, leaving him back to normal for the way we know him…"
"That's a stupid idea and I'm the one telling you this…"
"Shush, you two… Daseaut tried to use his signature Power Strike technique but he seems to have hit a brick wall with the fearsome Enko Onikuma, who's known for her frightening, short-term rage episodes."
"I guess you could say that it was Daseaut, the rip-off who got Power Struck!?"
"That's was horrible, Konohamaru…"
"Shut up, Moegi, it wasn't any less horrible than him ripping off the Rasengan that me and Big Bro Naruto worked so hard to master!"
"I don't think he ripped it off at all, it's just a more primitive version, that's all…"
"Excellent joke, Konohamaru… I provide the commentary, you provide the swagger…"
"He only reacted at it right now!?"
"It's worse than we thought!"
"And so… Look at what we have here… A regular team-up… Exciting…"
"Is it, though? 'Cause I can't really tell from your voice and your tone…"
"Shit, we need to work something out, we can't have him crash through the whole Battle Royal like that, it'll end before he finishes a sentence at this pace!"
"Well what am I supposed to do, I only know a handful of their names because I've only done a third of the research."
"Okay, you do that, I'll snag Udon's Ninja Info Cards and go at it like I've graduated the Ninja Academy – by winging it from the book!"
"Udon's the one crashing but we'll be the ones burning…"
"Come on, Moegi, more confidence! And so we've got… Ummm… Konohamaru, ey, that's me!"
"You needed a Ninja Info Card for that? Honestly…"
"Not the best time, Moegi… Anyway, Konohama… The other me ganged up alongside Menna from Team Dunyazad, Salnisa who must mean trouble if the blades she's juggling in her hands are any indication and…"
"I know that girl, she's Junipu-R from Kumogakure. She's adept at transportation seals, not much of a fighter though. And that thick guy with a camo cloak is someone we've already met – Glasmad Torfer and his wooden stick."
"Hmmm… They seem to be in a heated exchange with a handful of adversaries, yeah… That's one of them… Shokuchu Ikayo from Team Whipray, Kirigakure."
"The other one is Enko, she seems to have calmed down from her outburst of rage that helped her triumph over Daseaut. The last kunoichi is Squlra of Team Maruf, Sunagakure. Judging by the character of the last one, all three of those must be a mean and nasty bunch!"
"Oh! And it seems that the period of sulking that Enko was going through didn't help whatsoever, the trio is out!"
"Let's see if this makeshift alliance, which, I'm a proud part of, I might add, will continue to score successful eliminations. They've chosen Sana of Team Sayo as their next target, I believe that all of her teammates have already fallen and the violet haired kunoichi surely looks like someone with a nasty plot on her mind."
"What is this alliance, some sort of Anti-Bully Squad!?"
"And Sana is out too! No place inside the Demonic Trilimbo is safe for anyone that's not just a nice person in general!"
"You could argue that making alliances like those isn't exactly clean either…"
"Go back to sleep, Udon!"
"Wait… No! Please don't!"
"What an upset. The entire alliance crumbled at the hands of Trest Bregger and his harp genjutsu. I guess it doesn't matter how many of you there are, as long as all of you are susceptible to illusions that can put you to sleep and it's not like making alliances is any way of making friends that wake you up in time."
"Well… He's not excited about it but at least he's talking…"
"I'd call that a win but… I'm keeping the Ninja Info Cards just in case!"
"The dreamy Kei-J is on a tear, he's looking pretty desperate now that both of his teammates have been eliminated already and he's struck a few of the examinees around him with that steel bo staff of his though it doesn't look like he's scored any eliminations. No, look at that, he's swung his way into the center of things and he's teaching examinees a lesson left and right! Go, Kei-J, you're my new favorite!"
"While the objectivity of Moegi's commentary leaves much to be desired, she's not wrong that the staff of Kei-J is making some serious claims with the cracks and the thuds – examinees Fu, Unomori Kotoi, and Doma Nacasa have been eliminated."
"I must admit that last elimination by deflecting Doma's own ninjutsu projectile back at him with a chakra-coated staff was impressive. Moegi isn't too devoted to those she shows affection to but this guy I wouldn't mind sticking around during training."
"What's that supposed to mean!?"
"My new favorite person ever is on a tear! Look at that well-timed explosive note, the detonation has erected a small hill of black rubble in the center and Kei-J is trying to position on top of it to better fight off those whose attention he had drawn."
"Tenten's scimitar skills appear to match those of Kei-J's though, the two are engaged in a vicious swordfight! This is just like in all the pirate manga, only the hypest swash-buckling action can be found here!"
"Kei-J is cornered between two opponents, a vault over young Shikamaru and one thud to his face knocks him out, another swing dispatches Lithia Uchiha, Tenten broke Kei-J's staff and Kei-J is engaging her hand-to-hand!"
"Wow, whose side are you on, Moegi, just a moment earlier you were all about the pride in the kunoichi of Konoha…"
"Shut up, Konohamaru. As I've said before, we can't take sides as commentators, our sworn duty is just to relay the facts as they're transpiring and right now it seems like Kei-J is utterly wrecking Tenten who, while not a slouch, didn't expect such a vicious and skilled hand-to-hand onslaught!"
"You're right, it seems that the older Tenten of the two taking part in the Battle Royal is out as well and Kei-J has claimed his spot atop of the mountain again, this time he's summoned his two short-blades from his wrists and he's fighting off everyone he can see, surely he must be seeing red right now."
"I wish you'd be seeing more red right now, Udon, I'm really missing your enthusiasm…"
"Hodrat Pather tried his luck with long-range Ice-Release ninjutsu but a sealing tag that Kei-J shielded with appears to have deflected it off somewhere. Those were some dangerous techniques, formed whole ice pillars after detonating!"
"You're right, Udon, Kei-J is both highly skilled as well as well-prepared and equipped for a battle of his life, which this pretty much is because most ninja consider the Chuunin Exams one of the most important battles of their lives. It ain't easy graduating when the odds are stacked against you so badly!"
"Oh no! One of Kei-J's explosive kunai detonated way too close to Hodrat, the poor guy's gotta be out!"
"Look at those cotton balls, that's Dubia's signature technique – she's trying to attach them to Kei-J at all costs."
"Too bad Kei-J won't let that happen, he vaulted back and away from danger he was in atop of that pillar of rubble while slinging a handful of explosive kunai at the cotton balls but… No, wait, those are no explosive kunai, the sealing tags attached to the kunai lit ablaze, the kunai were just a delivery mechanism, the tags had fire sealed inside them and Dubia's cotton balls are kaput!"
"What a heel! Vinda Calkem used the opportunity when Dubia was attacking Kei-J and spat acid all over the poor kunoichi from behind!"
"Hey, look at that, Udon's enthusiasm is back…"
"Of course it is, I can't stand such backstabbery! There must be a limit to how crooked one can get. Let's just hope that the help Dubia receives from the medical ninja comes in time and there's no permanent damage, she's taken a massive dip under that corrosive splash."
"That acid looked like a form of Water Release, if so, it is more easily treated than actual acid. It's more likely than not going to be the case."
"I don't know what that object was that Kei-J threw into Zaku's arms but I don't like the bloody mess that's left over of them."
"Oh, it seems like some brave challenger has stepped up to Kei-J and she's getting some hands on him. Yes! What spectacular agility! A wicked right cross and Kei-J isn't moving but what a performance… My heart is torn over my need to complement that ferocious young lady and to admire the source of my most recent heartache."
"I'm sure you'll get over it… Although you are right, Larissa Alexandersson is one of Kirigakure's toughest and most wild taijutsu specialists of her generation."
"I should feel calm then, you would know more than a bit about heartbreaks, Udon!"
"Dammit, Moegi! He's sulking again!"
"Well… That's why you've kept those Ninja Card thingies! Plus, I'm here too, I know that guy that's about to face off against that other guy, it's Jord Kvasir, and he's one you've got to look out for. Apparently, he has a jounin watching him at all times because he's once tried to destroy the world by not channeling his chakra right on purpose."
"Wait, that emo-looking guy?"
"Yeah… That's why he's always shadowed by a high-ranking ninja that tracks his every movement and makes sure he doesn't try it again. Just think about it, this whole version of Earth might have been gone if this guy's teacher didn't stop him in time."
"Wow, what a dick!"
"Maybe you two just don't understand his pain…"
"You just deal with your sulking, Udon, we'll handle the commentary for now."
"The Ninja Info Cards suggest that his opponent is none other than Saya from Team Saya and she's in trouble since her abilities don't lend themselves well to close-distance engagements!"
"What's that!? Saya has Jord's hair! She has his hair! Serves him right for flicking it all the time carelessly like that! She used her Puppet Imitation Jutsu to transfer her mind into Jord and… Oh no! Who's the real heel here, she tried stepping onto the Black Cube and she must have messed up the chakra augmentation on purpose because the jounin tailing Jord knocked him out cold – what a styling way of finishing off the enemy you could have just forced to surrender!"
"I don't know 'bout you, Moegi, but knowing that this Jord guy is out of here makes me feel a bit calmer, I was, quite frankly, feeling much safer when I didn't know a guy like him existed."
"You did know that pretty much anyone in this universe could be in his place, everyone with basic chakra manipulation knowledge is capable of such a devious and chaotic act but only people like Jord Kvasir were twisted in the head enough to actually try it?"
"Gee, are you trying to make me lose sleep!?"
"Oh, Saya seems to have bumped into someone else, back to back. Judging from the looks of it, the puppeteer isn't pleased. But… It's Meiko."
"Wasn't she your favorite to win the whole thing, Udon?"
"Yeah… What a tense engagement… Saya jumped back with a slash of a kunai, no doubt trying to get a handful of Meiko's red hair but… She's out."
"Unbelievable, it didn't look like Meiko was trying at all!"
"Did she just flick Saya's hand, forcing her to over-swing and stab herself in the liver!? What a crazy way to dispatch of the enemy!"
"Well, a skilled weapon user such as Meiko must have noticed the flawed form in Saya's swing and that one mistake was all it took."
"Uh-oh… Look at those two eyes clashing from across the stage!"
"Yep, the final remaining version of Tenten has noticed Meiko and the two are just staring each other down."
"Their arms are rising up, they're going to do something, something utterly crazy!"
"Amazing! Both of them set off their seals at the same time, unleashing a wicked wave of steel at the other, this here's a clash of summoned weaponry and each seems to be packing enough of an arsenal to take out the entire world's military."
"The absolute cacophony of clangs! The intensity of ricocheting weaponry! Absolutely insane, this makes me actually happy that none of us were participating! These two seem to be genuine monsters!"
"Can you guys even see anything? It's just steel and sparks from where I'm standing!"
"I can hear traces of screams, yep… Someone's screaming, definitely! I… I think that the ricocheting weaponry is actually eliminating careless examinees!"
"And the wave has crashed! Meiko is the winner of this engagement! Tenten must be somewhere underneath that entire wave of steel, what absolute mayhem, the entire battlefield is sunken underneath what seems like a mile of steel weaponry. Bodies are scattered everywhere…"
"Look at how many competitors are being taken off for treatment, look at how many are out…"
"To the imaginary audience listening to us at home, if Konohamaru will give me my Ninja Info Cards back to check… Yes… It seems that the examinees Kakashi Hatake, Neji, who tried to shield Tenten from the resulting mayhem and ended up being overpowered as well, Alemyat, Kepdur Lephor, Inojin Yamanaka, Khaqdam, Crus Sfintos, Ieiria Deargli, Gasco Patura, Udon, Yatsawada, Trest Bregger, Rock Lee, Calliastro Kalios, Zangyaku Hage, Taudall Heimcok, Clarmac Inuzuka have all been eliminated from injuries sustained in this cataclysmic clash of rushing weaponry that drowned out the entire stage of the battle."
"While the number of examinees has dwindled to the measly 50, one-third of the number that started this Battle Royal but still almost three times of what must remain in the end, you must wonder, what sort of undue attention examinee Meiko has drawn onto herself with this display of strength and equipment?"
"With the Battle Royal approaching its climax, we are bound to find out, and, unless we jumble up a name or two, we'll keep you in the audience posted, because that's just the kind of professionalism we here at Konohamaru Commentator Squad strive to uphold!"
