Ari spent the next few minutes enjoying her sandwiches, and once she'd polished them all off the plate disappeared. She felt much better now, and didn't feel like she was going to fall over again. The midafternoon break was just about ending too, so Ari was just in time when she arrived at Transfiguration class.

To start off the lesson, Professor McGonagall lectured them about common Transfiguration mistakes and how to fix them, before tasking them with transforming apples into pears. It seemed simple enough, but Ari couldn't really concentrate. She was too busy giggling over what had happened in Snape's class with the other Gryffindors. They all seemed really curious on how she had made her cauldron explode like that, but she didn't really know herself.

"I just added a bunch of random gunk into my cauldron," Ari told a group of eager, wide-eyed Gryffindor boys, "and I wasn't even thinking it was gonna explode, honestly. But it did! And the cloud was so huge! It just went, 'FWOOOM!'" She mimicked the sound and mushroom cloud explosion with her hands.

"HAHA! I almost peed myself when that happened!" Ron chortled, banging his fist against the table. "Snape's class is such a bore; that exploding cauldron was the best thing to ever come out of it, I swear — I couldn't stop laughing. Right, Harry?"

Beside Ron, Harry smiled. "Yeah," he said. "It was pretty funny."

Ari snickered. "Maybe I can make another cauldron explode sometime. I mean why make potions when you can just make your cauldrons explode instead? It's a lot funner. And it's even funner hearing Snape scream."

"He can definitely scream," Seamus grinned. "For a moment I thought there was a banshee in the room."

Dean snickered. "He's definitely got an impressive vocal range."

"I know, right?" Ari exclaimed. "I told him once to try out for the opera, but he got pressed instead."

"HA!" Ron chortled and banged his fist against the table some more. "Snape, in the opera! Those're two words I never thought I'd hear together!"

"I can kind of imagine it, though," Dean said. "He's pretty dramatic."

"Such a drama queen," Ari agreed.

They laughed again, but then Seamus broke off and gasped. "Ah! McGonagall's coming!"

Ari whipped her head around. Indeed, the professor had straightened up from Neville's desk and was watching them with narrowed, hawklike eyes.

They grabbed their apples and pretended to be transforming them. A moment later, Professor McGonagall came up to their desk and ordered to see their progress. Ari tried twirling her wand around and saying the incantation, but her apple remained an apple. She was glad to see the boys didn't have much luck either; and the closest they got was Ron making his apple bounce off the desk.

With flared nostrils, Professor McGonagall showed them the correct way to move their wand and pronounce the incantation. Then she told them to work harder and save their conversations after class.

Once the professor left, Ari tried saying the incantation a few more times and whisking her wand around this way and that, but again, nothing really happened.

"Ugh, this is so hard," Ari grumbled after a few more fruitless tries. "Who knew turning an apple into a pear could be so hard?"

"You're telling me," Ron sighed, picking up his apple and inspecting it. "Do you think McGonagall will notice if I take a bite out of this apple? I'm kinda hungry."

"Oh, for crying out loud." A familiar stuffy voice spoke beside them, and they all jumped to see Hermione standing over their desk.

"What the — what are you doing here?!" Ron exclaimed, turning his face up in a revolted grimace.

"I'm here to tutor you, obviously," Hermione said all snottily, putting her hands on her hips. "Professor McGonagall tells me you were struggling with the spell, and since I've already mastered it and turned my apples into pears, she asked me to come over here and help you."

"Thanks, but no thanks," Ron growled, clutching his apple in a vise grip. "We don't need your help. You're just going to boss us around and yell at us when we don't get things right."

Hermione rolled her eyes to the back of her head. "Oh, please! What do you think I am, a tyrant?"

"Yeah," Ari said without missing a beat. "You're Snape's long-lost daughter."

"Excuse me?!" Hermione exclaimed, whipping her head around to Ari.

"Ha!" Ron chortled, slapping his hand against his knee. "Snape's long-lost daughter! Now that's a good one!"

"Oh, be quiet!" Hermione snarled, now springing her head around to glare daggers at Ron. "I am not Snape's long-lost daughter, my father is Frank Granger. I don't know what you two are trying to imply with your baseless assumptions, but I kindly ask you to take your speculations and judgment somewhere else, thank you very much."

Ron scowled. "You first, you big know-it-all."

"I'm not being a know-it-all," Hermione growled, her hair springing up little by little with each word, "I came over here to help."

"And I told you, we don't need your 'help,'" Ron said, making air quotes. "Go and take your 'help' somewhere else."

"I am not going anywhere!" Hermione snarled like a rabid pitbull, punctuating each word with a forceful jab of her wand. "Professor McGonagall tasked me with tutoring you all, and I'm going to do it even if it's the last thing I do! Now will you just stop being so difficult for once and cooperate with me!"

"Yeah, okay," Harry said as Ron opened his mouth to retort. "It could be helpful."

Dean and Seamus quickly voiced their assent as well, looking quite cowed by Hermione's outburst. Meanwhile, Ron crossed his arms and continued scowling. They let Hermione sit down with them, and for the rest of class she "tutored" them. Aka she just bossed them around and corrected them every two seconds. Another two minutes later she got into another squabble with Ron about the correct pronunciation of the spell. All semblance of tutoring was totally forgotten as they just fought for the rest of class. Ari rolled her eyes to the back of her head.

Needless to say, Ari was very glad when the bell finally rang and they were all freed from the clutches of Hermione. But Ari barely had two seconds to celebrate her emancipation when Professor McGonagall came up to Ari's desk and told her to stay after class for a little "talk."

At the word "talk," accompanied by the steely glint in the professor's eyes, Ari's stomach totally dropped. Now what could McGonagall want to talk about? Could it be her horrible failure at transforming her apple today? Or maybe she wanted to talk to Ari about the eighty-five points she had lost for Gryffindor? Yeah, it had to be that, right? Professor McGonagall had been relatively gracious lately and hadn't brought that horrifying matter up. But for all Ari knew, that could've just been a ploy to lure her into a false sense of security before McGonagall brought down the hammer when Ari least expected it.

Faced with the reality of her situation, Ari wondered what Professor McGonagall was going to do with her now. Maybe McGonagall was so mad she was going to kick Ari out of Gryffindor house. Or maybe she would just kick Ari out of Hogwarts altogether. Or maybe she would turn Ari over to Snape, and then he'd disembowel her like she had done with those frogs and use her guts as potions ingredients!

By the time the last person filed out of the room save for Professor McGonagall and Ari, Ari had run through every last horrifying fate through her head and could practically feel herself vibrating with tension. "Well, then," Professor McGonagall said tersely, staring Ari down like a hawk before it snatched the baby sparrows from the nest. "You've been making quite the name for yourself in Gryffindor house lately, haven't you, Miss Rossi?"

Ari's heart swooped down to her shoes at the use of her surname. Uh-oh! She really was in deep trouble! "But I didn't mean to!" Ari burst out desperately. "I didn't mean to lose eighty-five points for Gryffindor! It just happened! Snape was so mean to me and tried to punish me, but I wasn't trying to do anything bad, really — so please, Professor, don't expel me! D-don't hand me over to Snape and make him stuff my guts in a jar! I'm just too cute for that!"

And then she burst into tears, unable to control her feelings a moment longer. Professor McGonagall stared wide-eyed at her, looking completely flabbergasted. "Now now, just what is this all about?" she exclaimed, though her voice was a bit less sharp now. The professor waved her wand and made a handkerchief appear, which she handed to Ari. "There's no need to cry, Ari. You're not going to be punished, and you are not going to be expelled. And you are most certainly not going to be — be 'stuffed in a jar' — whatever in heaven's name that means!"

Ari stopped wiping her face and looked up at Professor McGonagall. "R-really?" she hiccuped.

"Yes, really," Professor McGonagall said firmly. "Like I said, I just wanted to talk to you. I know you're a good girl, Ari, and you didn't mean to lose those points."

"N-no, I didn't," Ari sniffled. "It was Snape's fault, h-he's always the one always taking off points and yelling at me."

Professor McGonagall sighed. "Yes, Professor Snape has a tendency to take off house points that are not Slytherin's. It's not your fault. He's simply been that way ever since he started teaching here."

"And aren't you gonna do anything about it?" Ari cried. "Are you really just gonna continue to let him be a big bully and take off points?"

To Ari's surprise, Professor McGonagall smiled slightly. "Rest assured, the Headmaster has a knack for balancing things out. Where Professor Snape is quick to take points off, the Headmaster is quick to take them back."

"You mean he gives points to Gryffindor?" Ari asked.

"Yes, exactly," McGonagall said. Her eyes suddenly drifted around, and Ari followed her gaze, but the room was empty. "The Headmaster has a certain… quota in place. For every ten points Professor Snape takes off from Gryffindor, the Headmaster gives back another seven."

Ari gasped, and then she giggled. "What? No way!"

"Oh, no, it's true," McGonagall said, still smiling. "I checked for you, Ari. The day you had your detention and Professor Snape supposedly took off forty points, Gryffindor only lost twelve rubies from their hourglass."

Ari giggled some more, suddenly feeling the tightness around her chest ease a little. Oh, what a great relief it was to hear such splendid news! It almost seemed to good to be true!

"But why would the Headmaster do that?" Ari asked eagerly, looking at Professor McGonagall. "Does he know what a big unfair bully Snape is? Is he as fed-up with him as all of us, and he's giving him a piece of his mind?"

"Well, I don't know about that," Professor McGonagall responded. "The Headmaster and Professor Snape are usually on good terms with each other. Think of it as — oh, a parent imposing limits on their child. Heaven knows if we left Professor Snape to his own devices, Gryffindor's point value would have been in the negatives for eleven straight years now."

"I know, right!" Ari grinned. All of a sudden, she was starting to like that Headmaster guy a lot more. Snape could have been as unfair as he wanted by taking off massive heaps of points, but the Headmaster could just be unfair right back and take those points back! An eye for an eye just made the whole world jump for joy!

"Promise that you won't tell anyone about the Headmaster's little trick," Professor McGonagall said, putting a finger to her lips. "As he likes to say, 'a magician never reveals his secrets.'"

"Oh, I won't tell anyone, don't worry!" Ari grinned, zipping her fingers over her mouth. The Headmaster must've been one heck of a magician, then, if he could have pulled off a trick like that for so long. Ari had a real hoot imagining Snape checking the hourglasses every day after class and then throwing a fit when he noticed that the red jewels just never went down.

"Good," Professor McGonagall nodded, a faint smile still about her lips. "With that said, even though we have the Headmaster's buffer in place, it's still important that we be on our best behavior. Not only for the sake of points, but also for the efficiency and well-being of our community."

"Yeah," Ari said. "I know that."

"Do you know some ways we can have good behavior, then?"

"Uh…" Ari scratched her head. She tried to think of all the times she got in trouble, and how she could fix it if she could go back and do it again. "Don't explode your cauldrons in class?"

"Yes, that's one thing we can do," McGonagall nodded. "We can work hard and pay attention during class so as to prevent accidents. Do you know any other ways we can be on our best behavior?"

Ari scratched her head some more, trying to think. "Uhhh…."

"Another way we can maintain good behavior," McGonagall said after a moment of Ari's uhhing, "is to think before speaking. Do you know what it means, Ari, to think before you speak?"

Ari frowned and cocked her head. She thought of all the times Snape cold-called her during class when she didn't know the answer. She'd blurt out something random without thinking, which Snape and the Slytherins would have a real ball over. Just thinking about it made her feel all hot and bothered again.

"I think so," she finally grumbled. "It means to think before you answer a question, so you don't say something stupid and look like a dunderhead."

McGonagall gave her a funny sort of look. "Well, partly," McGonagall said. "Another way you can apply this concept is during your day-to-day interactions. Whenever you're talking to someone, you should first consider what you want to say before saying it out loud."

"Huh?"

"Let me give you an example," McGonagall said. "If someone called you a rude name, instead of calling them a rude name in return, you could politely tell that person to stop. For example, you could say: 'please don't call me that' or 'I don't appreciate what you said to me; could you not say that anymore?' Does that make sense?"

"Not really," Ari said.

"Which part of it is unclear?"

"Well, everything," Ari admitted, making a face. "I mean, why can't I insult people when they're mean to me? Why do I hafta be polite when they can't do the same thing? It just makes no sense!"

McGonagall sighed. "Yes, I agree it can be frustrating to maintain a clear head in such a situation. However, whenever such a conflict arises, it's very important to de-escalate the situation by not engaging with the other person's rude behavior. If you don't show a strong reaction to their comments, they will learn it's not worth trying to get a rise out of you, and will eventually leave you alone. Does that make sense?"

"I guess so," Ari said, mulling over the professor's words. "It's sorta like self-discipline, right? Where you wanna do something at that moment, but you use your self-discipline to not do it. And then later when you keep quiet, you'll realize it was the right thing to do when those mean people leave you alone."

"Yes, exactly," Professor McGonagall said, looking surprised. "Self-discipline is a good way to describe it. When did you learn the meaning of self-discipline, Ari?"

"Snape showed it to me when we were doing detention once," she declared proudly. "He made me write a hundred lines about self-discipline and boy oh boy, it was horrible. But I ended up improving my quillmanship in the end, so I guess that little toad isn't that bad sometimes."

"Excuse me?" McGonagall said, giving Ari a sharp look.

"Oh, nothing!" Ari giggled, her eyes wide. Oopsie! She hadn't meant to let that last part slip out.

Professor McGonagall sighed again. "I suppose we'll need to do some more practice about the whole thinking before speaking thing."

Ari smirked. "Yes, Professor."

"Just try to remember what we talked about," Professor McGonagall said. "Next time you talk to anyone, whether it be your teacher or a fellow classmate, I'd like you to practice choosing your words more carefully. Say only what is right and necessary at the moment — and anything you foresee having a bad consequence, keep to yourself. As you said yourself, view this as a practice in self-discipline."

"Okay," Ari said. "I'll try to do that."

"Good," Professor McGonagall smiled slightly. The steady look of encouragement on her face was enough to lift Ari's heart. "I have the utmost faith in you, Ari."


Ari was greatly relieved with Professor McGonagall's heartening words and lack of punishment. So in return, Ari tried to be on her best behavior and follow the professor's advice to the best of her ability. Even though Ari had to admit she didn't really get the whole thinking before speaking thing in the first place. Why think something, when you could just save time and effort and say it out loud first? Making a conscious effort thinking about what you wanted to say and what you wanted not to say was just so tiring! If someone really didn't want to hear what she had to say, they could just cover their ears and walk away!

Though Ari had to admit, Professor McGonagall's example about asking people to stop calling her mean names was potentially helpful. Ari had a few meanies in mind she could try that trick out with. She wasn't sure if it would actually work, but hey, it was worth a shot.

So the next time Ari got detention with Snape, she decided to try out her little new trick. For detention today, Snape had tasked her with yanking the eyes off dead pufferfish and putting the eyeballs in a jar. It was quite disgusting, almost as disgusting as disemboweling the frogs. Thankfully, Ari was allowed to wear gloves as she handled the pufferfish. Not so thankfully, she had to keep sitting at the desk right in front of Snape's, so he could keep a close eye on her while she worked. And honestly, Ari didn't appreciate the new seating one bit. The up close and personal view of Snape's warty face was just about as off-putting as wrestling the eyes off the bloated dead pufferfish.

"Professor?" Ari said as she was in the middle of gouging out a particularly fat pufferfish eyeball.

"Yes, dunderhead?" he drawled, not looking up from the parchments he was grading.

Ari cleared her throat loudly, and he looked up. "I don't appreciate you calling me 'dunderhead,' sir," she said in a Professor McGonagall-like business voice. "Can you not call me that again, sir?"

He narrowed his eyes, his quill poised straight in the air. "If you want me to stop calling you a dunderhead, then stop acting like one."

Ari scowled. Oh, she should've known Snape would have responded with something sassy like that! "Oh yeah?" she growled, tightening the grip around her knife. "And how exactly do I stop acting like a dunderhead?"

"There is no way," he sneered. "You were destined to be a dunderhead upon the moment of conception. Your idiocy is simply written in your DNA."

"What's DNA?" Ari asked, cocking her head. "And what's consetshin?"

He rolled his eyes. "It means to pick up a dictionary."

"Oh!" she said, widening her eyes. "Wait, which one meant picking up a dictionary? The DNA or consection?"

She looked expectantly at him and he bared his teeth like a rabid mutt. "Enough of these inane questions!" he snarled instead of answering. "Be quiet and get back to work, dunderhead, before you make me lose all my brain cells!"

Ari grumbled to herself and started hacking away at the pufferfish eyes again. Great, just great! So even after that polite request and a long back-and-forth, he was still calling her dunderhead! Just why was she not surprised?!

In her frustration, Ari accidentally gave her pufferfish eye too forceful of a squeeze and it popped right out of its socket. It made a perfect arc in the air and bounded right onto Snape's face. He let out a strangled shout and jumped so severely he almost toppled out of his chair.

Ari shrieked with laughter and Snape whizzed his face toward her, his eyes bugging out of their sockets in a very pufferfishy way. "Oh, you disgusting little brat!" he snarled. "The madness just never ends with you, does it? First you spray me with your bodily fluids and flatulence, then you detonate a bomb in my classroom, and now you're using my face as target practice, hm?!"

"It was just an accident, sir," she giggled, batting her eyes in a very cutesy way.

"Likely story!" he spat, his eyes flickering madly. "I know you, you presumptuous little wretch. There is not a single day that goes by without you causing total and deliberate chaos. Five points from Gryffindor."

She snickered. There he went again, throwing a fit and taking off points! "Don't be mad, sir," Ari added with a smirk. "It's just some good fun. And your reaction was hilarious, too. You're a really good jumper, you know. Like a toad. You remind me a lot of a toad, in fact. Do you think you might be a toad in secret, sir?"

"Shut up!" he hissed, his forehead vein pounding its familiar tempo. "There is no toad or other amphibian to speak of, you impudent brat! I am a human being, plain and simple!"

"Okay, okay," she grinned. Well well, looked like someone was triggered about his secret being exposed! "Don't be mad, Professor. It's a compliment. I think you'd be a really cute toad. I mean, just think about it — you'd be really small and squishy, and you could fit in my hand and I could carry you wherever I—"

"Shut! UP!" he barked, his forehead throbbing on the verge of combustion. "I am not going to tolerate any of your irreverent talk, do you hear me?! Ten points from Gryffindor — and ah, yes, let's see — detention!"

"But sirrrrr!" Ari whined, making sure to drag out the honorific. Snape's eye gave a few violent twitches as he continued glaring her down. "How can you give me detention, when I'm already in detention?!"

"I can do whatever I'd like!" he retorted. "And that means giving you detentions until you stop behaving like such a complete and insufferable brat!"

"But SIRRRRR!"

"SHUT UP!" he suddenly screamed, his face looking as demented and distended as a pufferfish for one horrifyingly comical moment. "JUST SHUT UP ALREADY! I AM THIS CLOSE TO STUFFING A PUFFERFISH INTO YOUR MOUTH!"

Goodness gracious, someone sure was feisty today! Ari quickly picked up her knife and continued de-eying the pufferfish, not wanting to be on the receiving end on another temper tantrum. She tried to ignore the feeling of Snape's eyes burning holes into her skull and continued working diligently. Eventually, they both managed to simmer down again. But the peace couldn't last forever, and barely another two minutes passed before the door flung open and Malfoy raced in.

"Professor!" he panted, his pointy face flushed and sweaty. "You've got to help! Crabbe just pooped the bed again."

The proclamation was so random and hilarious Ari burst out into laughter. At once, Malfoy's beady eyes darted to Ari and his rat snout screwed up in a grimace. "Urgh, it's you!" he scoffed, fanning the air. "What are you doing here?"

"Just doing detention, obviously," she snickered, holding up the eyeless pufferfish. Malfoy recoiled. "But what were you saying? You said Crap crapped the bed? That's really fitting of him, you know."

"Enough!" Snape barked as Malfoy opened his mouth to retort. Ari whipped back around at Snape, who had sprung up from his desk and was glaring at her with enough force to kill. "You are to remain in your chair and continue working until I get back. If you dare sneak off for as much as a second, I will put a one million Galleon bounty on your head and send a search party to hunt you down. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," she said. She wasn't sure what Snape meant by a one million Galleon bounty on her head, but given Malfoy's hearty snickers, it couldn't have been anything good.

She watched as Snape tore out of the room like an angry tornado. A smirking Malfoy caught Ari's eye and made a weird slashing motion at his neck before following Snape out.

Once they were gone, Ari continued de-eying her pufferfishes while laughing to herself. Oh, what a chaotic encounter that had been! She couldn't believe Crap had actually crapped the bed! Again! As if his incontinence was some regular occurrence! And given Snape's unbothered reaction, she suspected it was! Snape sure had some nerve to accuse her of causing chaos, when in reality, the real chaos was brewing right inside his own house. Snape must've really had his hands full as head of house with students like Crap and Boil and Malfoy. Ari imagined Snape hunched over the boys' beds and cleaning the crap off like a lowly nursemaid, and she almost felt bad for him. Almost.