Chapter Two: The Question
11:38 A.M. 2nd Day of the Eleventh Month, Year 380 H.E.C. – Human Empire Army Encampments near the Eastern Gate
Knight Deusolbert busied himself with the drilling of his soldiers as the foreseeable doom neared; some were veterans who had been in service of the Empire for years, and some were fresh recruits who had either joined out of desperation or those who had longed to taste real battle. To his dismay, he had no choice but to train them all in the same manner, for the might of the former had dwindled over years of peace, and the latter amounted to little more than an unprepared mob. Nevertheless, there was an army; one that after being put through the relentless forging of the Integrity Knights had emerged as a force to be reckoned with.
Across the drilling fields, the Four Whirling Blades commanded the marching of their force, adamant on indoctrinating the discipline required of the imperial army. The same discipline could be seen on another ground where sparring between the newly raised soldiers would simulate a much-feared battle as Knight Eldrie inspected their progress. Still, even the most common footman could notice Eldrie's inattentiveness as his eyes had been darting around instead of staying upon his trainees.
A deafening roar pulled the young knight from his reverie. It was Takiguri's. Eldrie swore he could recognize it even from afar. But why would his stalwart companion cause such commotion unprovoked? The answer to his question delivered itself by way of a shiny spot closing in from the skies – his long-separated mentor had finally arrived.
Clearly overjoyed, Takiguri let out jubilant grumbles to express his enthusiasm as Amayori landed next to her brother. Alice herself disembarked lightly before turning her attention to an excited figure.
"Mentor!" shouted Eldrie as he ran towards the newly arrived knight. "I've always believed in you!"
His excitement, however, seemed transient as he soon spotted another figure and paused abruptly.
"Lady Alice…" Eldrie said as he and Alice stared at each other uneasily without approaching any closer.
Eldrie had remained silent while Alice fitted Kirito onto his wheelchair, albeit reluctantly so. Alice, on the other hand, was no less fretful to sense hostility directed so brazenly towards Kirito.
Having finished the basic necessities to allow him comfort, she turned and resumed conversation with her student:
"I just passed by the Eastern Gate. There's not much time before the gate falls and the enemy pushes through."
"The enemy has about fifty thousand troops available; we have only three thousand…We have to give them what training we can."
"Where are the other Integrity Knights? From above I could count only seven."
"You saw nearly everyone then."
"That's ridiculous!" Alice exclaimed, "Myself included, there should be thirty one members of the Integrity Knight Order."
"Surely you're aware, Lady Alice?" Eldrie explained nervously. "Prime Senator Chudelkin was using a readjusting art on knights who showed symptoms of memory issues. Ten of our numbers have failed to awaken from that art. At this time, twenty one knights are awake. Four are watching over the Cathedral and the Capital, and four are patrolling the End Mountains."
"That leaves thirteen."
"Our forces are already stretched too thin. And all the while, Lady Alice…Do you intend to shield that man while you fight?" Eldrie eyed Kirito with certain malice as he questioned.
"Absolutely!" Alice declared, "I swore to protect him."
"You mustn't, Mentor!" Eldrie retorted, "Should you encumber yourself with that deadweight, not only will it diminish the power of your sword; you could expose danger to yourself!"
Alice remembered a time when Eldrie would obey her without fail. There was once she had to but speak softly and her apprentice would show unquestioning compliance. But that deferential man was not standing before her anymore. Why? No deep philosopher was needed to answer that question. It was precisely because of the man he hated with every ounce of his being. Kirito's revolt, his display of freedom and independence had reached even Eldrie, much like how it had reached Alice.
But you wouldn't know that, would you? Or at least you won't admit it.
Alice did not want to argue, but Eldrie was not giving her many options either. As neither was willing to back down, a stand-off between master and apprentice soon formed, with both knights paying ever more attention to each other's sword.
Before their deadlock could deteriorate into anything worse, a raucous voice extricated them from the situation. "Now, don't get so worked up, Eldrie."
The Knight Commander Bercouli towered over both knights confidently from a small hill behind before greeting Alice casually. "Hey, little one. You look a lot better than I expected, or have your cheeks filled in a little?"
"Uncle…" Alice muttered in her rare affectionate tone, grateful to finally see a much friendlier face, especially that of her father figure.
Fighting back tears, Alice saluted him, "It's been a long time…"
While Bercouli approached his subordinates after a nod, the yet-to-be-appeased Eldrie spoke up, keen on insisting his dissatisfaction towards Kirito's presence. However, the commander gave a stern glare that silenced all opposition. Stopping in front of his most talented apprentice, Bercouli's gaze then turned towards the man at the center of the altercation.
"Uncle…" Alice whispered again, but with a great deal more cautiousness in her voice.
Uncle seemed not to have harbored any belligerence against Kirito when they had met back in the cathedral…but things have certainly changed the past six months, Kirito could be regarded as a public enemy…Does he intend to kill him?
The thought alarmed Alice immensely, her hands thus hesitantly but surely moved to draw her sword. Not only would an attempt on Kirito's life make sense politically, but the hot aura around the commander also indicated a growing Incarnation, one that seemed to confirm her fears. Despite being one of the finest knights in history, to clash with her mentor and student simultaneously, all the while attempting to protect Kirito would likely be a feat impossible even to her. Alice was well aware of that fact and her hands trembled at the thought, but she was resolute on honoring her oath. She would never allow Kirito to be hurt.
"It's all right, little one." Bercouli said in a languid manner, as though convincing Alice not to overreact. After inhaling a bit, his eyes lit up. An earsplitting noise then sounded.
Clang!
The shock made was both figurative and literal; while her mentor's actions completely puzzled her, Alice witnessed its power blew her locks backwards in a violent wind. Stunned, Alice's mouth gaped open but was unable to express any question.
"Little one, did you see that?" Bercouli asked.
"Yes…" replied Alice questioningly, "it was only for an instant, but I definitely saw the flash of a sword."
"I launched an Incarnate Sword at you, well, more like a dagger." said Bercouli with a hint of pride in his voice, "If it had hit, it would have sliced some skin off your cheek."
"If it had…hit? Then it means?"
"That's right; he stopped it, with his own willpower."
Alice's eyes widened and rushed over to Kirito, hoping to see any other reaction from him.
"It doesn't look like his mind is here." Bercouli resumed as he stepped closer, "But he isn't dead. And guess what? Don't forget, the boy wasn't protecting himself, but you, little one. So he'll be back one day, that's what I think, probably the moment when you truly need him."
Alice gave her father figure an appreciative nod before shedding a few tears. She then discarded all consideration of modesty and embraced Kirito.
No matter how long it would take…it will still be fine…just come back to me…
Soon after the reunion with her former comrades, Alice was given her own tent in the encampment as ordered by Bercouli, which Alice happily accepted, having feared where she could settle Kirito. The day thus far had been taxing, worrying over the war with the Dark Territory on one hand, and worrying over the treatment of Kirito within the Empire on the other hand. When she had finally been left alone with Kirito in the tent, Alice let out a clear sigh of relief.
While sorting her equipment and accessories, Alice never once let Kirito out of her sight; fully aware they might have enemies even among the imperial army, her own apprentice being a case in point. As she finished up her unpacking, Alice gently placed Kirito on their bed, not wanting him to spend the entire day on the wheelchair; but then it was Kirito's turn to move. And as usual, Alice received his guttural moans with compassion that surprised even herself.
"All right, just a moment, okay?" Alice said tenderly as Kirito raised his hands again to reach for the swords. After taking hold of them from their sack, Alice placed them on Kirito's laps and wrapped his hands around them herself. Thereafter, Kirito fell silent once more.
"Kirito…" Alice whispered as she knelt before him, barely inches away from his figure.
Kirito…even though your heart has been lost since that battle, you still tried to protect me from Uncle's Sword Incarnate. Just what do you think of me? And just what do I think of you?...No…I'm just an artificial being, one who continues to occupy Alice Zuberg's body, a puppet who exists only to fight. I'm not allowed the luxury of feeling anything other than battle hunger… least of all emotions that I had to subdue since you gave my life meaning at the cathedral…
Alice gently cupped Kirito's face with both her gauntleted hands and drew in even closer.
But maybe…Just maybe it's because I've been suppressing my own feelings that I can't hear your voice…and that you can't hear my voice…If I were to unleash all my desires, all my Incarnation right now…would you respond?
Alice shut her eyes, praying to the gods that she would be rewarded with an answer and closed in more than she had ever before…
She was then pulled away as a small noise at the entrance proclaimed the arrival of unexpected guests. Suddenly conscious of their proximity, Alice frantically distanced herself and hurried to the entrance while calming her emotions. Opening the portiere of her tent, Alice found herself staring at a pair of nervous trainee.
"Um…" a scarlet-haired girl who had a pot in her hands began, "We've brought your dinner, Lady Knight."
"Thank you," replied Alice softly, "I appreciate it."
"Um-m…here's some bread and something to drink." The other girl with black hair anxiously added as she offered up a basket.
Amused by their awkwardness, Alice responded with a chuckle. "You don't have to be afraid." Realization then struck and she questioned, "Might you two be from the North Centoria Imperial Swordcraft Academy?"
"Yes! I am Primary Trainee Tiese Schtrinen of the of the Human Empire Army Supply Corps."
"Primary Trainee Ronye Arabel, of the same."
"Please, there's no need to be so formal," said Alice as she saluted them. "Here, I'm just another swordswoman, nothing more. Please, call me Alice."
Her answer, however, seemed not to have calmed the duo, instead, their expressions changed from slight trepidation to bewilderment, which in turn confused Alice.
"What's the matter?"
"O-oh, it's nothing. You just seem so different from when we met you at the academy."
"You… think so?" Alice asked incredulously. "Anyway, is there something you wanted?"
"Yes," the red-haired Tiese added before acknowledging her friend with a nod. "Um, Lady Kni- Lady Alice, we heard that you arrived accompanied by a dark-haired young man."
"And we were wondering if he might be someone we know." quickly added Ronye. "Or so we thought…"
"Oh, of course, that's right. You two were friends with Kirito at the academy, weren't you?"
"So it is Kirito!" exclaimed a high-spirited Ronye.
"Then, Eugeo must be…" added an equally thrilled Tiese.
That excitement, however, was not shared by Alice as she grimaced. She then went on, "This might be too harsh for you to bear, but I have faith that if you have served Kirito and Eugeo as their disciples, you are surely capable of accepting it."
With that out of the way, Alice signaled them forth and led them inside the tent. Whatever enthusiasm the young duo might have had, evaporated immediately upon setting sight on Kirito, the man they had all but worshipped until then.
Tiese's knees went weak and were first to collapse, kneeling in front of Eugeo's shattered Blue Rose Sword. Ronye continued a few steps forward, until she too buckled before the lifeless, broken Kirito. Had she the right words, Alice would have consoled them as she too had found it agonizing to witness Kirito's cruel fate. But the fear that her consolation would exacerbate kept Alice's words stuck as she casted a sympathetic gaze towards the silent weeping duo. After all, what else could a battle machine like her do to console those heart broken girls?
Tiese could not help but place her hand on that beautiful, broken sword, and in a fleeting moment, that crystal blade illuminated the whole tent with a soft azure light.
"I just heard…Eugeo's voice…" muttered Tiese between sobs "He said, 'Don't cry, I'll always be here.'"
Could it be real? Eugeo was dead, that was certain. So how could his words ever be heard again? Alice did not know this brave warrior Kirito had called his brother, so she could not tell the extent of his powers. But one's Incarnation can be fused with a divine weapon; that was certain also. She recalled quite vividly this man had transformed himself into a sword just to destroy the monster the Pontifex had summoned. Perhaps that was how fragments of his memories, his soul even, could still dwell within the weapon? If that was true, then the bond between him and the young girl must be powerful, enough that he would literally defy death to speak to her again.
Whatever the case, after her brief statement, the young girl burst into hot tears and was joined by her partner in an embrace. The extent of their grief was beyond the kind students would have for their teachers…and so Alice asked:
"Did you two…have feelings for…?"
"That's not it! I'm…not…" Ronye swiftly denied as she snuffled.
"Lady Alice, you do know the Taboo Kirito and Eugeo violated don't you?" Tiese asked with angry tears.
"Yes, I was told they killed another student due to some kind of conflict that occurred in the academy."
"Do you know what precisely led them to break that Taboo?"
"No, I'm afraid not."
"Kirito and Eugeo raised their swords to save us… If only we'd been a little wiser, they wouldn't have fought the Church to change the law, and neither of them would have suffered!" Tiese trembled in grief as she explained, "We've committed an unforgiveable sin! That's why…no matter what happens…we can't ever…admit that we are in love with them!"
Alice was shocked, taken aback by the young girl's outburst. Not that she had found it disrespectful, but rather surprised by her honesty. Never in her life had she been as opened to emotions as Tiese seemed to be, least of all her all-but-apparent confession. Then an epiphany hit her. Ever since joining forces with Kirito, she had been tormented by a sense of guilt, an overbearing remorse and rejection. Kirito may never have blamed her, never voiced even a single word about it, but she had been unable to accept herself as it was. Her identity, begot from robbing a girl of her body, her memories and her soul had given Alice no alternatives but to suppress her own feelings. "How is it even acceptable, that I get to enjoy a life that was stolen?" That questioned haunted her. But a new question now formed: "Is it fair?" Alice looked at them closely, and contemplated their story again. No matter what it was that they had been unwise with, certainly it would not warrant such sufferance. The conclusion was thus clear: they writhed not from their sins, but from their guilt. Their self-imposed shame shackled them and plunged them into the abyss.
And myself? Do I not also suffer as they do? All because of a feeling of a crime we never committed, and all for a sin Kirito never blamed us? Alice asked herself silently. No…I'm not denying. But would Kirito fault us? I think not. If he saw only flaws in us, he would never have trained these girls into the students they are now, and he surely would not have fought so hard to save my soul…These girls and I, we must accept ourselves, we must…else Kirito's sacrifice would be in vain.
"No, that's not true, you have committed no sin." Alice declared after having reached her verdict.
"Lady Alice…you are an esteemed Integrity Knight, how could you possibly understand…?" With tears still streaming down, Ronye countered, "Our bodies were played with, and our pride has been tainted by sin."
"The body is but a vessel for your heart, the heart…the soul is the only thing that truly exists. And what determines the nature of your soul is you alone!"
I know I can do it… Alice thought as she recalled the fight against the Pontifex …Just like how Kirito showed me…
While the two young girls turned towards her puzzled, a blinding golden light radiated from Alice and enveloped the entire tent.
A second later, Alice reappeared before them as the residue of that light circulated her like a halo, but instead of an armored knight, it was a woman donning casual rural attire.
"You see?" Alice said softly as Tiese and Ronye stared at her wide-eyed, "Your body and appearance merely follow your heart. Your heart can't be tainted by anyone."
Caressing her sapphire dress, Alice continued, "I was born in a village in the hinterlands, and I should have grown up to look just like this. But when I was eleven, I was taken away as a criminal. My memories were erased by a Sacred Art, and I became an Integrity Knight. After discovering that, I cursed my fate, I found myself abhorrent for I was but a puppet whose strings were pulled by Her Holiness. But now…I realize that Kirito had taught me that there was something I could do… and should do. And that's why I'll never question again. I've decided to accept myself as I am and move on."
Taking the hands of the young girls as she knelt down, Alice explained, "I'm sure there's a wide and straight path meant only for you, too."
The look of wonder and surprise on the girls' face faded away and in its place was gratitude that could not be expressed by words. Seeing that, Alice brought the pair into her arms and comforted them as they continued sobbing.
After night fell, Ronye and Tiese bid Alice farewell as they were obliged to report to their superiors. Alice watched as the pair left slightly more hopeful than she had expected.
I am glad they aren't so disheartened anymore…given what they had witnessed… thought Alice …as expected from Kirito and Eugeo's pages I suppose.
Turning back towards Kirito, who had remained idle the whole time, Alice decided to assist him with dinner first before anything else. These past six months, she had found peace not only when sharing a bed with him, but also by doing nearly anything that involved Kirito. To her fellow Integrity Knights, she may have seemed delirious at some point, conversing with a man who never replied. During the time they spent together in that wooden cabin, Alice had found it difficult to stop herself from talking to Kirito; sometimes she would ask his opinion on the day's weather or the food she had cooked for him. Despite the man's quiescence, it had been enjoyable to know she was not alone. Bathing and feeding him, as another example, had been a source of serenity for the distressed knight. It was the time when she could be alone with Kirito that she had tasted a true tranquil life, even if it be a somewhat noiseless one.
Alice brought a small bowl to Kirito after checking all the food she had received from the young girls.
Praise be to Stacia…I'm glad they have some kind of stew here. Otherwise we could be in trouble… decided Alice carefully.
Blowing on the hot liquid as she always had, Alice offered the spoonful to Kirito's eager mouth.
"Take it slowly, alright?" Alice said with a small smile on her lips.
Alice soon lost herself in the usual routine of feeding Kirito; whenever a piece of meat was too big, Alice would smash it into a smaller size for him; whenever small drops of soup fell from his lips, Alice would clean it for him, doing her best to allow Kirito a comfy meal.
Kirito…so you're always popular with girls huh…? Alice wondered with a wry smile as her thoughts drifted back to the brief visit Kirito's students had paid her.
Her speech concerning the young duo's angst had been one of genuine consolation, but it seemed to have rocked even her own world. The questions earlier resurfaced…who am I to you?
Not even I knew how much Kirito has changed me…meant to me... I have been so conflicted about what I am in his eyes and failed to notice the answer has been clear all this time…At the very least, I am human, one that deserves to live…to feel…to love…I am who I am today not because what Her Holiness had intended, nor is it because the gods have decided that way…I can make my own path, and I can do so because Kirito has shown it to me.
Alice went on to question something else as she stared deeply into the dark skies that were his eyes, something she had dared not for as long as she could remember: And just what are you to me…?
Kirito…you have saved my life, then my soul, you protected me from Her Holiness and even without speaking, you have again rescued me from myself…can I really say you are but an ally to me? Is that all there is I feel for you? …I don't know. No…The last thing I should do now is to keep deceiving myself…suppressing my own feelings. But…Is it possible that I…
Before the thought could be finished, Alice realized Kirito's meal was at its end. Whilst she had been drowning in her Daedalian trance, he had exhausted all the food in the bowl. She then took a small handkerchief from her pocket and wiped Kirito's mouth.
"It's like that time after we've fought off the minions, isn't it?" Alice whispered as she took care of the few remaining stains, "guess you'll always be a little clumsy when it comes to cleaning."
Then with an appetite that rivaled Kirito's, Alice hurriedly finished her own meal, before washing the both of them and getting to bed.
Lying on the cozy material, Alice let out a content exhalation before snuggling to Kirito under the warm blanket. The throbbing heart of his was all she needed to hear while she nestled her head on his chest; the pulsating noise steadily pulled Alice away from the worrisome reality and into her own mind.
"Kirito…tell me…what do I really think of you…what do I…"
Author's notes
Suggested playlist:
"A council of war"
"Painful days"
"Now you're going too far