Chapter Nine: Labyrinth
"Have you ever felt your own death approaching?"
Kirito blinked.
What?
He couldn't really recognize who that voice belonged to. In fact, he couldn't even pinpoint where that voice came from. But he considered the question a little.
"My death, huh? I suppose…many times? Back in Aincrad, I have often made mistakes, and shall we say there were more than a dozen close calls. And later, on the 75th floor, it wasn't the boss that nearly took me. No, it was Kayaba…When he struck me, and I had all but resigned. That might have been the closest I ever had. And I certainly felt my death approaching back then."
His thoughts drifted away.
Asuna…I'm so sorry I couldn't stop him.
"That was some years ago already, isn't it? You haven't felt any since?"
Kirito hummed, putting thoughts to the more recent memories.
"That time, when Sinon and I have won the Bullet and Bullet event. I got worried. I feared that the Laughing Coffin may still go after her. So, I went to her. I was right…when I opened the door and saw Sinon being attacked, I immediately jumped in. In that one swift second where Shinkawa had struck me with that poison gun…I thought again that might be it."
Kirito heard a small chuckle, as if his story had been ridiculous.
"What is it that you find funny?" he asked rather indignantly.
"It's not that, boy. Only, that still feels ages ago. Have you not any such experiences here?"
Where's here anyway?
Kirito then realized he did not even know his whereabouts. He lifted his head in a hurry and looked around.
It was a very big room. That, he was certain, for there were quite a lot of echoes from the conversations he had just had. It was also very bright. If he looked at the walls too intensely his sight might be damaged. The pure marble wall reflected all the light there was. Not to mention the gold and the shining jewelry adorned everywhere.
Before long, Kirito was certain he was sitting on a pew in a colossal cathedral. Apart from the precious metal and lavish marble, colors of all different shades coming from the stained glasses provided yet another layer of ostentation for the house of worship.
His head hurt. Somehow, the sight of a cathedral stung as though he was suffering from a night of ceaseless drinking. Something terrible must have happened to him previously so that such beautiful a sight could have made his head spin and brought forth a nauseating sense.
Ah…yes…this must be the Central Cathedral…this is Underworld… But what am I doing here?
The young man pondered as his eyes fell upon the enormous altar at the front of the room.
The paintings on the top must be the three goddesses of creation…I think I heard of them back in Rulid. Then the one in front…
As he examined, just before the paintings and at the very center of the altar was a giant but elegant statue erected. The way it was placed meant as though people paid homage to the sculpture, not the paintings. Without a doubt, it must have taken the most brilliant of craftsmanship to bring that statue to life. And by the gods was it alive. Despite being made of solid materials, the long, silken hair and the smooth, velvety dress appeared as if they were floating gently through the winds. Still, it was nothing compared to the eyes. It seemed quite a mystery how those eyes were made. Perhaps it was mirrors of the highest quality, or perhaps it was jewelry that was worth more than cities, or perhaps it was a mixture of both. But as Kirito looked into those shimmering oculi, he finally recognized that figure.
Quinella…the Pontifex of the Axiom Church, the divine ruler of the Human Empire, the Administrator…
Seeing how the statue surely would captivate any pilgrim more than even the depictions of the gods, Kirito thought ironically to himself:
So…the Pontifex takes precedence before even the gods? Aren't you a little too egotistical…? Must all love you eternally before you are satisfied?
"Is it really so unacceptable?"
Quinella asked again. This time, Kirito was sure the voice came directly from the statue. Before he could even comprehend, the sparkling and more than alive Quinella literally walked out of the statue and stepped towards him.
"Surprised to see me?"
"I'm not sure surprised would be the right word. But if you don't start explaining what's going on, I'll draw my sword."
Quinella chuckled and stopped directly in front of the enraged knight. "If you haven't noticed, this is a dream."
"If that's the case, Your Holiness, the questions would be: what happened since we fought, why am I dreaming, and most importantly, why are you in my dream?"
As Kirito finished heatedly, Quinella's face lost that languid amusement and she added with some seriousness, "First of all, boy, there is no more need to address me that way. I'm no longer the Administrator, not of anything anyway."
"Then I suppose Quinella will suffice." Kirito half asked, half stated as he cocked an eyebrow at the woman's sudden lack of pomp.
"Don't mock me, boy!" She raised her voice as the familiar Pontifex returned, but she soon regained composure. "But just this once, I shall allow it. Regarding your questions…The first two will be difficult to even fathom. After all, you did see me perish with your own eyes. Only thing that's certain is that you are alive, but apparently not in good shape."
"What does that mean?"
"Suppose we change the topic." Quinella said hurriedly, drawing a raised eyebrow from the knight, but she went on nonetheless. "Regarding why I've graced you with my presence…surely you noticed how I worked on the Control Panel before my life met its untimely end?"
"I did."
"You see, I always have another card when playing this game. I did not simply arrange to have myself traveled over to your world. I also made sure I would have some other ways of survival. Unfortunately, that treacherous imp not only derailed my exit, but also ruined my contingency plans. So now, I am…"
"Stop." Kirito interrupted as he pinched the bridge of his nose, "What does 'some other ways' or 'contingency plans' even mean? How are you cheating your way out of death again?"
"That's the catch actually." Quinella answered, albeit with some almost undetectable sorrow in her voice. "I didn't."
Kirito stared at her incredulously, who was now silently twirling her silken hair.
She could be surprisingly…
Still, he wanted answers.
"So how are you here? If you haven't cheated death as you suggest."
Quinella sighed. "There is a function, possible only through one of those control panels, or something similar in your world, to copy one's Fluctlight onto another's Lightcube. Had it been done properly, I would've been able to be resurrect myself into a new-born child or an artificial body. Despite what you may think of me, I do want a second chance. But due to malfunctions at the last stage, that didn't work. Instead, my Fluctlight wasn't copied, but attached to yours…so now I live on only as memories."
Kirito was not sure if he should trust her words, or not be disgusted by her "contingency plans" but he dwelled on her last word, and whispered. "Memories…"
"So…here we are." The former divine ruler exclaimed as she opened her palms.
Kirito furrowed his brows, not paying much attention as he absentmindedly moved aside to allow Quinella a seat next to him.
The two sat silently as Kirito was lost in thoughts and Quinella just seemed to enjoy the company, or whatever there was to enjoy. Eventually, Kirito broke the silence by letting out an audible groan and shook his head.
"Why do you react so profoundly to that word?" Quinella inquired, feeling curious.
"Which word?"
"Memories."
"I thought you already knew."
"To a degree, yes, I do." Quinella's gaze darted upwards as she put a finger to her face, "I did read some of his memories."
"He has a name!" Kirito almost growled, "Try using it."
Quinella nearly quivered from the sudden aggression, but did not venture to provoke him on the subject, so she went on. "I saw some of Eugeo's memories, and I thought there'd be more to the story, especially from your perspective."
Kirito looked at her from the corner of his eyes, clearly still contemplating if he wanted to tell his story. At length he thought it rather pointless to just keep quiet, so he groaned again and answered.
"Fine…as you should know by now, I lost the memories of my childhood here. I remembered nothing of the time I grew up in Rulid, and Eugeo…I had completely forgotten him. But maybe it was fate. We met again after all these years and we became brothers as we had once been…studying, working and most of the time just living. We had a simple life, and lived it together."
Quinella could not help but notice a wry smile on the young man's face. But Kirito continued before she could comment.
"I wonder what would have happened if we remembered our past…if we would still have journeyed from Rulid all the way to Centoria? Or studied as carefree as we did…"
"He was that important to you?"
"Yes…yes he was. Without him, I would not have had a life in this world. When I woke up in the forest two years ago, I knew nothing of this world, but he was there to guide me. I thought only to ask him directions, how to find a village, how to get in touch with the Church and whatnot, but there he was, by my side all this time. My first student in Sword Skills and the brother I never had…"
"And Knight Alice?"
Kirito's heart skipped a beat. Upon hearing the name, he felt suddenly his heart being broken, shattered to tiny pieces.
Yes...what of Alice?
He saw flashes of image in his mind. First that cold and ruthless law enforcer who had arrested him with the intent to kill. He remembered for that short period of time he seriously doubted his brother's goal. Was that really who he had wanted to rescue? He saw nothing more than a puppet. Granted, she was no longer the same after the Synthesis Ritual. In fact, Alice Zuberg and Alice Synthesis Thirty were by all accounts two completely different people. Still, he was in no way feeling the sympathy his brother held. If anything, he had felt only respect for that girl's power and dedication. She was skilled and powerful, and Kirito had always respected strength, but he could scarcely say he had felt anything more.
But was that all?
Kirito buried his head in his hands as he dwelled further, ignoring the woman nearby. That ruthless knight turned out to be very much like himself. They both wished to protect the Human Empire. And if he were being honest with himself, he had wanted that and nothing more. But then, he saw something else. He saw the unwavering killing machine embarrass herself as they formed a truce, he saw the murderous knight cared for him after fighting the minions, he saw the mindless soldier joked as they sat outside the cathedral, both starving. These images…these memories were painful yet joyous. Every moment he had spent with that knight appeared exciting, fun, and most importantly, unforgettable.
What a strange idea it would be. That his being blown out of a skyscraper and steps away from being slain by an Integrity Knight was actually the most pleasant memories he could figure. As they continued to climb the cathedral, that uncaring warrior debated as she thought of the people of the Empire and cursed as she spoke of the corrupted nobles. How could she? How on earth can such a heartless puppet care for people she never even knew? Kirito could not understand. And so, he had to ask, or say something.
"You were born and raised in a small village in the northern hinterlands called Rulid."
Kirito told her all that, all about her family and friends because he had hoped the story could jog her memories, make her understand the puppet she was now, and hopefully overcome the barrier the Pontifex had imposed on her. And by her, Kirito had meant Alice Zuberg. He had wished he could save that childhood friend his brother had been craving to see again from the prison that was the Integrity Knight.
But he was wrong. Alice Zuberg was long gone. That little girl exiled from her homeland had already gone on a journey too far to reach again. Unlike freshly created knights like Eldrie, the effects were permanent. He knew that when he saw the Piety Module was no longer recallable merely by telling her the story. But something surprising happened. As he told her the tale, the unbreakable knight broke. Alice Synthesis Thirty – someone whom he had assumed to be one more mechanical solider obeying the Administrator showed emotions clearly only a human can exhibit. Sure, she wasn't that innocent girl from Rulid anymore. And sure, she wasn't going to abandon her knightly duties. But she also wasn't a puppet.
No puppet could cry and feel as she did. And surely no mindless warrior of the Axiom Church could ask Kirito to break the Taboo Index for her and bring her home. No…she was human. For the first time since their chance encounter, Kirito could finally think of her as "Alice" instead of "Alice Synthesis Thirty" She had a name, and not just a title. Even if his brother would disagree, even if he were to fight his brother…he had to protect this girl. Alice Zuberg could no longer come back by her own means, and if she was restored by the memory crystal, Knight Alice would be killed instead. And Kirito could not allow that. He had to do everything and anything in his power to ensure Knight Alice would not be erased. For how could Kirito ever condemn someone who had just broken the chains of enslavement to death?
Kirito wanted to protect her, shield her from any danger that might go her way, however, he had forgotten some things were beyond even his control. By forsaking her allegiance to the Pontifex, the same Right Eye Seal that had tormented his brother found its way to Alice.
"My right eye is on fire…"
He comforted her, telling her to empty her mind, if he could deliver her from suffering the same as Eugeo did. Why wouldn't he? But her mind was made up. No longer would she remain on the Pontifex's leash.
The woman who Kirito had seen as a puppet was the very same woman who now horrified him as she clipped her strings. Alice clung to him, begged him to stay with her as she declared her will:
"Pontifex the Administrator, and all you nameless gods…To protect this world and the people living in it, I will fight you!"
Taken aback, Kirito realized no one in his life had ever shone as brightly and as gracefully as she did. She was vulnerable, but strong; entirely human, but with an aura bordering divine, and by the gods was she beautiful! The Right Eye Seal had hurt Alice, but it had hurt Kirito's heart even more. When the blonde knight then collapsed in front of him, he frantically pulled her into his arms.
Alice…you are the one thing in the Underworld that will forever tie me to this world. I've always suspected it, but this is truly no Aincrad. You…you are the new form of humanity I had dreamt of…You are every bit as human as I am…no, maybe even more. How could I ever want to leave Underworld knowing you are a part? The strength of your character, your will and heart…I… Even if it will take my life, I won't let anyone hurt you.
"And after that, you carried Knight Alice all the way to the 95th Floor?"
"Yes."
"But does the story stop there?" Quinella asked, tilting her head. "Surely something else happened afterwards besides our fight to the death on the hundredth floor."
Was there?
Having recounted all that had happened before what felt like a deep slumber, Kirito now tried to think, but the headache he had experienced earlier returned with all its strength. As if trying to cast the pain away, Kirito massaged his temples only to feel the headache amplified.
Once more countless images bombarded his mind.
What are these…? Another dream?
Something looked familiar, the scenery, the buildings, the people…they all screamed one thing – the Rulid Village.
But what's happening here? What kind of…?
Then realization hit him. No, it was not a dream; these images he was seeing did not come from his imaginations. Those were memories. He was remembering things.
He remembered being totally vulnerable. His body was weak, so weak that despite all he wished, he could barely even lift his fingers. Walking, or even talking was no longer an option. Something must have happened to him and he might as well be dead. Instead of an all-conquering Swordsman, Kirito felt more like a living corpse. And given the circumstances, it was a miracle he was not dead. He could not protect himself if anything should happen, in fact, he very well could die of thirst if left alone for just a few days.
Just remembering this terrified Kirito to his core, but his curiosity was also piqued.
So how is it that I am still alive?
The answer came in the form of a golden silhouette. It was Alice. This whole time, she was there. From the moment he was struck down and had lost his strength, she rushed to be by his side and never left. That lightning in the cathedral did not incinerate all his consciousness at once, for a brief time, Kirito struggled to stay awake. He knew the longer he resisted, the greater the agony he would suffer, but when was Kirito one to give up without a fight? Despite the ache coursing through his entire body, he still tried to get up.
"Kirito! Kirito!"
He could hear Alice calling for him. It would be rude not to respond, selfish even. But somehow her voice, and the feeling of her holding him was just too comforting and he surrendered, and fell into a deep sleep. He was certain a great deal also happened after he lost consciousness on the hundredth floor, but the memory eluded him for now. The next moment he could recall was dark, and the wind blowing on his face was like needles. Though at the very least, he was out of the rain. Where was he? He could not tell. His senses were dulled, but he could vaguely make out the odor of a tree, and noticing the rough form of whatever that opened up to the wind, he was likely inside a massive tree hole.
At least my back is warm…
Something was keeping him from the cold. Kirito tried to turn around and see, only to realize to move even an inch took so great a strength he had to give up, not to mention triggering a pain that immediately made him regret his obstinacy. His struggle was not unnoticed though, whatever was supporting him shifted and suddenly there was a pair of curious eyes looking down at him. It was a dragon.
Amayori…right?
Kirito seemed to remember Alice calling her dragon that name. The airborne creature was even more magnificent up close, the scales, the colors and no doubt the unimaginable strength that carried knights from one end of the Empire to the other. Kirito could understand why dragons were so beloved.
Amayori purred. Kirito tried to muster a smile for her, but that too was painful. Amayori purred again, but this time she looked forward, as if trying to tell Kirito something. And so, gathering all the strength he had, Kirito turned his head inch by inch forward to see…to see something that broke his heart.
In the dead of the night and in the midst of powerful, bone-chilling wind, Alice alone was struggling in what looked like a half-collapsed house, desperately trying to recover some items. Even through the blowing currents, Kirito could hear Alice's grunts. Something was pulled out of the wooden pile; it was a straight, pointed and black-clad object, it was his sword. Tears filled his eyes, and he knew he had to do something. Slowly but surely, Kirito attempted to sit up, just as his body was almost straight, it felt like the lightning from the cathedral had struck him again. A pain that almost split his brains and body exploded and Kirito lost consciousness again.
Alice…
"Kirito? Come, we shall have dinner!"
There was another gap in his memories. Somehow, the next thing he could remember was inside a wooden cabin. It was by no means luxurious, but more than enough to be called a home.
By the gods…she is stunning.
Kirito's conscious again nearly stopped, not out of pain but of awe.
On top of her dress was a casual, pure white apron that seemed to be an echo of what the young Alice Zuberg used to have, but the simplicity of the attire seemed to magnify her already unparalleled beauty. And the way her blonde hair coupled so perfectly with the bluish dress underneath just halted all of Kirito's thoughts.
"Kirito?"
She called him again, and almost like reflex, Kirito slowly opened his mouth and accepted the food. Kirito started to get delirious again, his bodily functions continued to work, but he could never stay awake very long, even if it was already such a reduced state. His mind, instead, drifted to his swelling emotions.
Oh Alice…what have I ever done to deserve your kindness…
Sometimes it was blurred images of Alice taking care of him, sometimes he could only hear her speaking softly, sometimes the flavor of that day's meal, but no matter what pieces of memories he managed to retain, he always remembered a feeling of warmth, of happiness even.
"Look Kirito! How beautiful the night sky is…"
The breeze on his face was soft and soothing. Alice was gently stroking his hair as she led him around the lake.
She was right. The countless stars hanging over, the comfort of the night…it was perfect. Kirito was not sure why they were outside at night, he remembered nothing before that moment. Perhaps because Alice was bored staying inside the house all day, or perhaps the cool wind made them both relaxed, or perhaps because, like Eugeo, the night sky reminded her of Kirito's sword, and she could not resist letting them both admire the view.
Alice…even though I never told you its name…
There were times that Kirito seemed to be giving up. The life of a living corpse, useless to anyone, burdensome to everyone, ridiculous to even himself… that mockery of a life he would rather give up. But one glance at Alice made him desist. How could he give up living, if that would mean giving up her too? Alice was always there. Even though he must have been such a burden to her, even though he knew he should have been the one awake and start planning how to fight the coming war, but…
The war! It won't take long until the Dark Territory mobilizes, I have to wake up! I have to pick up my swords! The knights alone can't stop the Dark Forces; I have to be there too. I have to…
Kirito then lowered his head as his hands trembled recalling that memory. "I have to protect her."
Quinella mused. "Tell me. Is that all you feel?"
"What?"
"Knight Alice. All you feel is the need to protect her?"
"What if I do?" Kirito retorted, not at all comfortable with that semi-interrogation, and certainly not feeling necessary to divulge all the details to her.
"Then why does your heart flutter when I mention her? Or your face reddens?"
Kirito turned sharply towards the grinning woman. Any other day he would have snapped with some clever comebacks. Only Quinella's smile here seemed more sincere than amused.
And besides…is she wrong?
Kirito sighed. "I don't want to get involved with the complex schemes in your mind. I'm not saying this again. I just want to protect her."
Quinella looked at the young man for several moments before deciding it was not worth arguing. "Well, if that is the case, you seem to be doing a terrible job at it."
"What do you mean?"
"I asked earlier whether you had felt your death approaching, did I not?"
"So you did. What about it?"
"Did you not die a little also when Alice out there was captured by the most dreaded enemy imaginable?"
Kirito gasped in horror.
What the hell is she talking about?
The young man instinctively placed his hand over his chest, feeling his heart wrenched as blur images of his broken body appeared again. He could not move, he was somehow roaming through a wasteland. But that was not the point. It was Alice. While desperately protecting him, Alice was unaware she had been targeted by a frumious dragon. And in a moment, the demon had snatched her away.
"No…"
He had failed the one thing he had sworn he could not let happen.
"That can't be real!"
"I'm afraid it's quite real. If it isn't, how could it have hurt your heart that way?"
No longer willing to pay Quinella any more mind, Kirito rose to his feet and rushed to the great doors of that cathedral.
Unfortunately for him, they were firmly shut by a lock, and a heavy chain bounding the handles was also bolted. The young knight might have pushed and pulled and thumped that door with all his strength, but it would not budge a bit.
As Quinella stepped closer, Kirito panted and asked "What's the meaning of this? Why is it locked?"
"Boy, you really shouldn't be asking me. It was you who have locked this door."
Kirito struck the door with one heavy bang and asked once more. "Where are the damn keys?"
"The keys to your freedom have always been here. In fact, you have been holding onto them just moments ago. Why did you throw them away?"
"God damn it Quinella! I don't have time for your games!"
"Oh I assure you, boy, this isn't a game. If anything, it feels like I'm the one being toyed with. After all, you locked me up here too."
Before Kirito could curse, Quinella then took one of his hands into her own and placed it on the door.
"Tell me, boy. What are you willing to pay for the chance to see her again?"
"What…?"
"Simply put, to remember where and what those keys are, would you be willing to forget everything? And experience your life, your mistakes and your pains all over again?"
"Yes. Anything."
Quinella shook her head a little before smiling. "Well then, here's to good luck."
When Kirito opened his mouth to ask, a blinding light shot from Quinella's direction as she pushed her finger onto Kirito's forehead.
Then, all returned to darkness.
Author's notes
Here we go! Finally, Kirito takes the lead for the first time in this fic! Funnily enough, this part of the story is the first that I came up with when I just began thinking of my own story, but somehow it took 49k words and 8 chapters to reach it. Please tell me how you guys think of the depiction of Kirito here. Is it how you imagined he would be in a KiritoxAlice fic?
Also, just read the new comments, I am likewise grateful for people who like this story. There are after all not enough KiritoxAlice stories out there. To add to this point, Quinella is also a victim in the lack of representation in fanfic, did you like how she was depicted here?
Anyway, as usual, playlist:
"illusions of illusion"
"my close friend"
"sometimes she feels lonely"
"you can save him!"
"if she was here"
"I'm waiting for you"