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CHAPTER 19

"Have you ever thought about getting married again?"

Hermione's question almost choked me. I pressed my fist to my mouth to stop my drink from being spat out and, when I could, I finally swallowed the scotch that was burning my throat.

"Are you proposing?" I spluttered.

She was laying across the sofa with her head cushioned on the armrest and her feet propped in my lap. "No, I was just curious. But your reaction tells me you've given it some thought."

"So, you wanted to know how I felt about it and just decided to drop a bombshell?"

"I figured if I just sprung it on you I'd get a more honest response."

I squeezed her ankle and chuckled. "You are aware of just how mad you are, aren't you?"

"You tell me almost every day."

"I do," I agreed and ran my hand slowly along her lower leg. "We've only been together five months. Is marriage something you want?"

She shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe not."

"That's quite the flippant answer to a not so flippant question. Have you been thinking about it?"

"No," she said and poked me with her toe. "Not really."

"Not really means you have thought about it," I pointed out. "Hermione, is it something you want? To be married?"

She looked at me sheepishly. "Okay fine. I have thought about it, but honestly, I'm not sure. I like being with you — love being with you — but marriage scares the shit out of me." She reached for my free hand. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Why are you sorry?"

"You're all old fashioned and gentlemanly and I'm sure you think the next step for us is to be married. And I'm not sure I want that."

"I am a gentleman," I agreed. "And very old fashioned. But you have made me see that propriety and doing the right thing, as it were, are secondary to just being with you. Right now, I'm content with that."

"You surprise me every day, Lucius Malfoy."

"And you change me every day, Hermione Granger." I lifted her hand and kissed her fingers then asked carefully, "Why does marriage scare you?"

"I'm not sure." She dragged a cushion over her and wrapped her arms around it, using it as a squishy shield. "I mean, I'm not afraid of commitment, but being that committed? Not being able to just walk away if it all goes pear-shaped? That's the part that scares me."

"So that's why your arrangement with Charlie worked so well?"

She shot me a look that had me holding up my hands.

"You know I like Charlie, and I don't have any issues with what you had with him. I'm just trying to understand what you're saying. You were very committed to him: you could have seen other people but didn't, and your arrangement was in place for almost a year."

"But I didn't love him."

"No, you didn't. But you've said you love me. Are you sorry you did?" I asked.

"No! I do love you. It's just… I'm sure if we did get married you'd actually realise just how insane I really am and leave." She waved her hand around. "This is all still fluffy and romantic, but what happens when you get bored of my madness? It'll be easier for you to leave if we're not married."

I stared at her for the longest time. She'd thought about marrying me, but was terrified to do so. But there was something she didn't know, and I hoped it eased her mind.

"Hermione, if I said I hadn't thought about asking you to marry me, I'd be lying. But you're not alone in your terror."

"I'm not?"

"You're definitely not."

She sat up, looking warily at me. "Are you sick of me already?"

I laughed. "No, absolutely not. I'm not sick of you nor do I intend to leave you. My terror just brings up all the same insecurities I already have with you. I'm too old and I never think I'll be enough for you."

She finally smiled at me and moved to straddle my lap. My hands went to her thighs, slowly rubbing up and down.

"So, I love you, and you love me back?"

I nodded.

"And we both believe we're not good enough for each other?"

I answered in the affirmative.

"And we're both terrified of being married?"

"I think that's an accurate summation of our situation."

"Well, how about this then?" She draped her arms around my shoulders and kissed me quickly. "We commit to remaining unmarried and live in sin until we both perish."

"Hmm," I hummed, playing at considering her offer. "I believe this is a proposal I can definitely commit to."

"This is quite the commitment, Lucius." Her eyes sparkled mischievously. "Unmarried for all eternity. Are you sure?"

I lifted her easily, laying her on the sofa and bracing myself over her. Her hands began to unbutton my shirt, causing me to pause my response and lift an eyebrow in question.

"We have to celebrate this commitment," she explained while grinning up at me. "And what better way to celebrate than a good, hard fuck on the sofa?"

"I think I'm going to like being unmarried to you," I told her, then stopped her hands. "But I am old fashioned and I want to do this properly."

She shot me an incredulous look, and I shook my head.

"We can still fuck on the sofa," I assured her. "But… Hermione Granger, will you not marry me?"

She startled at the question, her eyes going wide. "Seriously?"

"You didn't want me to propose marriage," I said with a shrug. "So I'm proposing un-marriage."

"Wow," she whispered.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah."

I noted a tear forming in the corner of her eye. She swiped quickly at it, and bit her lip.

"Hermione?"

Her legs wrapped around my hips and her hands rose to my face. And this time she let a tear fall.

"Yes, Lucius Malfoy. I won't marry you."

I couldn't have stopped my smile if I tried.

I had thought about marrying her. Had thought about it more often than not of late. Yes, we'd only been together a few months, but she was definitely the person I envisioned spending the remainder of my days with. However, since she was much younger than I was, I had assumed she was in no rush to take such a step.

But this.

This commitment to not being married — ever — felt so much more committed than not.

I wiped another tear as it began to fall, leaning down to kiss her gently.

"I didn't think I would fall again so quickly. But you, Hermione Granger… you are more than I could have ever imagined possible. I love you and will love you with my entire soul for the rest of my days."

She hiccuped and more tears fell, and this time I kissed them away.

"How do you do that?" she asked.

"Do what?"

"Take a crazy moment and turn it into romance and tears?"

"I'm an author," I reminded her. "I'm very wordy."

"I very much like your words."

I teased the zipper on her hoodie. "Did you want to hear more?"

"I'm not sure you can improve on those vows."

"Vows?"

"That's what it sounded like."

I paused for a moment, considering my words. Were they vows? I supposed they could have been. And if they made her understand how completely serious I was about this crazy commitment, I'd happily accept her interpretation.

"Well, perhaps they were."

"I'm not sure what to promise you right now. I'm not wordy like you."

"You don't have to promise me anything," I assured her. "And, just so you know, you are very wordy."

She tugged my shirt from my jeans and teased my stomach with her fingertips. "I'm only wordy because I don't have a filter between my brain and mouth."

"A fact which I am truly grateful for."

"I'm certain sometimes you're not."

"That's where you're wrong, Ms Granger." I let the weight of my body sink over her, leaning my forearms on the sofa cushions. "You are everything I've ever wanted without even knowing it. You make my life easy, and joyful, and you have lifted the cloud of misery that was a constant over my head. I love the crazy madness that you are. You are real — unashamedly so — and I never want you to change."

Her lip quivered and tears began to fill her eyes again. "Yeah, you're gonna have to give me a few days to come up with something even close to that."

I smiled at her and brushed the tears off her cheeks again. "You don't have to come up with anything. Your daily madness is all I need."

She slid her hand around the back of my neck and pulled me down to her.

"I love you," she whispered against my lips.

"I love you too."

.

.

An hour later, we were naked and laying face to face on the sofa. I'd pulled the light throw over us and, between the blanket and our body warmth, we were both cozy and relaxed. My arm was slung lazily over her side, my fingers drawing absently over the smooth skin on her back. Her fingers were mimicking the same movements on my chest.

"Can we keep this just between us for a bit?"

"The fact we just had sex on the sofa?" I teased. "I mean, Draco would be incredibly proud of me, but I'm not sure he'd ever sit here again."

"No," she laughed, slapping my chest playfully. "About our non-proposal… or non-engagement… or whatever we just agreed to."

"Of course," I answered simply.

"It's not that I don't want anyone to know," she added hurriedly. "I just want to stay in this bubble with just you for a while."

"Hermione, it's fine. We don't have to tell anyone until you're ready to," I assured her.

She smiled a resigned smile and I apologised.

"Sorry, I'm doing it again, aren't I?"

In the weeks after she'd revealed what had happened to her, I had tried my hardest not to look at her or treat her differently. But when she called me out on it, I realised I was doing exactly that. I was being too gentle with her, choosing my words carefully so as not to invoke any disagreements. She, of course, had found it quite amusing, but had explained that holding back and placating her didn't help. She would rather I argue with her, that I point out flaws and errors. I'd done it before she'd told me her story, and I should keep doing it. It made her feel normal.

But, while I knew we'd spoken easily and freely before, it was difficult to not think my every question and action would remind her of him. And when she realised that I'd not been witness to what had happened in the same way her friends had, she explained in her own mad way that nothing between us had to change. Her friends were protective, but they were also her toughest critics. Walking on eggshells around her didn't help, she'd said. Her reaction to me had been severe because it had been a new situation between us. Her friends had treated her carefully at first, but taking their lead from Charlie, returned to their normal, good-natured ribbing.

However, I was still struggling to find that same balance.

"Honestly, it's fine," I repeated. "We only became un-engaged an hour ago, so I don't believe we have to shout it from the rooftop just yet."

"Are you sure?" she asked. "I don't mind if you want to tell Draco about our crazy commitment. He is your son, after all."

"This is not about placating you," I said. "Not intentionally anyway. So, just know, I'm more than happy to bounce around in this bubble with you for a bit longer before they all question our sanity."

"Is this crazy?"

"Not if it's what we both want."

"Is it what you want though? I feel like I've not given you much choice here."

"This is enough," I told her. "You and everything you are is enough. There is only one choice here. You are my choice."

She smiled and touched a finger to my lips. "Hmm, I rather like this wordy mouth."

I shifted, pulling her beneath me again, and she wrapped her legs over my hips. My lips met her cheek, her chin, her jaw.

"You like my wordy mouth?" I whispered into her ear. "Is that all you like? Words?"

She didn't respond verbally, instead her hands gripped my arse and she rolled her hips. I dropped slow kisses along the side of her neck and she turned her head, humming a tiny moan

"You've changed me. You make me feel wild and frantic. Unhinged," I murmured between kisses. "I have absolutely no resistance to you."

She kept one hand on my arse, the other found my jaw and held me in place while she whimpered my name.

"Every time I'm near you, the world stops. Every time I look at you, I want you." I kissed my way across her chest, scraping my teeth along her collarbones. "Every time I'm with you, I am astounded at how fortunate I am to have found you"

A small, choking sob broke from her throat.

"You make me weak. You bring me to my knees every day." I kissed down the swell of her breast. "You are the woman I was meant to meet, meant to be with. My heart and soul, my entire being is yours."

I closed my mouth around one perfect pink nipple, teasing with my tongue and teeth. Hermione whimpered as her hands clutched at my shoulders.

"And this tight, hot body…" I kissed my way to her other breast. "I'm not sure how I lived without it."

I pulled her pert nipple into my mouth, sucking harder this time. She rocked into me again and let out a pleading moan. But I refused to give in to her demands, wanting to tease her more with my words.

"And..." I kissed my way back up to her neck. "I love the way you look at me when you think I'm not watching. I see that sparkle in your eyes, the one that tells me you're thinking very dirty things." I pressed slow, wet kisses to her skin. "But, do you know what? I'm thinking those dirty things too."

She rolled her hips again and I held her still with mine.

"Lucius…"

"Not yet, sweetheart," I murmured and kissed her mouth gently before continuing with my words. "All those dirty thoughts… I always want the taste of you on my tongue. Just the thought of your wet pussy on my tongue makes me hard. I can hardly look at you sometimes without wanting to strip you naked and put my mouth on you."

Her quiet whimper made me smile and I slowly lifted off her, bracing myself over her on one arm.

I trailed one finger over her collarbone, down the center of her chest between her breasts, teasing the underside of one then continuing down to her stomach. I smiled as the muscles there clenched — I had discovered she was slightly ticklish — then twisted my hand and slid my fingers through the drenched heat between her thighs.

"I love how ready you are for me, sweetheart." I dipped my head and kissed over her heart. "All wet and swollen."

Hermione moaned as I slipped two fingers inside her, sliding them slowly in and out, watching her jaw drop open and hearing her breath quicken.

"You are so fucking stunning when you're close, sweetheart. And this pretty pussy… I can barely hold on when I feel you clench and ripple around me."

Her hand gripped my wrist as I curled my fingers and hit the sweet spot inside her. She looked up at me, her eyes wide and her hips bucking.

"That's it, sweetheart. Come on my fingers so I can lick them clean."

She shuddered and her jaw trembled, her breath catching in her throat.

"You're almost there."

I pressed my thumb to her clit and her body snapped in a sharp arc. Her moan was little more than a long exhale and her orgasm did exactly what I loved: it clenched and rippled around my fingers.

Slumping heavily onto the sofa, she exhaled again and flung her arm over her face.

"You Googled dirty talk, didn't you?"

I snorted a laugh and dragged her arm from her face.

"Are you now questioning my wordiness?"

"No, but I'm questioning if you're the same man I met almost a year ago."

"Did you not hear what I said?"

"Which part?"

"You've changed me."

"For the better?" she asked.

I took her hand and placed it over my heart. "You tell me."

She smiled and reached between us, taking my throbbing length in her other hand.

"I love both versions of you, Lucius. I love the polite and proper gentleman I first met, and I love the filthy, sexy man only I get to see."

She dropped her leg to the side, guiding me to her, and I watched as the head of my cock slipped into her body.

"You feel too good." Our eyes locked and her hands gripped my hips. "What you do to me…"

"It's the same thing you do to me," she whispered.

Kissing her again, I began to move, pulling slowly out of her and sliding back in. I knew she wanted more — I wanted more — but I also wanted to show her with my body just how important this commitment was.

Planting my hands either side of her head, I worked her slowly, building her up only to stop when she began to tremble. Her fingers dug into my hips, urging me to move. Instead, I dipped my head and kissed her.

"Patience, sweetheart. I promise I won't leave you wanting."

She nodded, her eyes holding mine, a red flush beginning to crawl across her skin.

"Clench around me," I demanded gently. "Let me feel every muscle."

She lifted her hips and pulled her knees along my sides, doing as I asked and causing me to moan.

"Like that?"

"Exactly like that," I answered and pushed through her tight walls. "You blow my mind every fucking time."

Shifting my arms, I pushed her legs to her shoulders — ever grateful for her flexibility — and picked up my pace. I'd planned to make slow love to her, but the feel of her around me was like magic.

She clenched again causing me to hiss and my body to shake. She smirked and I winked as I slid in deep, holding my hips against her. I gave her a wicked smirk of my own and circled my cock, earning myself a low moan.

"You like that?" I circled again and her eyes fluttered closed. "Do you like me stretching this sweet little pussy?"

"Yes," she moaned. "Gods, yes!"

I gave her a few hard pumps, the sound of her slickness and the slapping of our skin filled the room as the sofa rocked with the force of my thrusts. Her hands lifted to my face and her legs fell to the sides.

"So good," she breathed. "Lucius… oh!"

My eyes dropped to where our bodies met, to where my fingers found her clit and were teasing the hard bud. Her palms flattened on my chest and she began to whimper.

"Let go, sweetheart. Don't hold back. Let me have it."

I pounded through her orgasm, dropping my body easily to hers when she pulled me down and kissed me frantically. My pelvis hit her clit and she cried out, shaking beneath me. I continued to fuck into her, knowing this was exactly what she loved. Solid thrusts, deep inside her, hitting her hard.

Watching her unravel had become one of my favourite things. Beautiful both outside and in — the kind of beautiful that made me want to hold on to her and never let go — she had a strength that belied her tiny size. She was a glory to watch. Her unabashed need to take what she wanted. Her willingness to give over to my own desires. Her want to remain unmarried to me for eternity.

"I love you," she whispered breathlessly, her hands back on my hips, urging me to finish inside her.

Spiraling through a myriad of emotions, my body took over and I poured every ounce of myself into her. I groaned into her neck, pressing my lips against her throat, and tasting the salty perspiration that dusted her skin.

I lifted my head to look at her. She was smiling sweetly up at me, and I wondered not for the first time how it was she had come into my life.

Did she know how far into my soul she had dived? Did she know every part of me ached for her every moment of every day?

"I love you, Hermione Granger," I whispered breathlessly. "And I'm going to love being unmarried to you for the rest of my life."