Hey, this one is almost all fluff and angst. We're gonna see some skipping around next chapter too since it's gonna be a little bit until the next adventure. After next chapter, we'll be right back into the thick of it though. I'm just letting Lincoln get herself all healed up so we have some realism. Leave comments if you can. Thank you so much to those who commented on the last two ones. You've been great for my motivation here.

TW- Suicidal idealization and thoughts

IDon'tOwnMarvel

"Where is she?" I demanded, looking around the operating room with tears starting in my eyes. "Ma'am?"

"Lincoln."

"No," I held up a hand towards Strange. "We still have to talk. Before she goes. You can see her. Tell me where she is."

"She's not here." He exchanged glances with Christine.

"She promised though." I insisted, "She's still here. I know it."

"She's not." Strange shook his head. "She-"

I raised a finger with my hand still raised. "No, she's going to tell me 'what she said' on her own. Where is she?"

"She's dead." He nodded at the monitor lightly with my gut churning in unease.

I opened my mouth to snap back at him before the only words that came out were much weaker. "She promised though."

"Hey, are you feeling okay today?" Steve asked, following me into the kitchen one morning. "You really just finished with Strange a few days ago."

"I'm working, Steve." I rolled my eyes, "I have to go before I'm late."

"You won't be late, you can use the sling ring." He stopped on one end of the kitchen to look at me. "Do you exercise enough?"

"Good lord," I groaned dramatically. "Is that all you think about?"

"I'm worried about you." He glanced back over his shoulder before stepping further in behind the island. "You box up your problems and then you try to forget that they ever happened."

"I don't do that anymore, okay?" I poured myself some coffee, "I'm not boxing anything up. I'm prioritizing."

"You're not giving yourself time to grieve."

"Grieve what?" I laughed back, "My mentor? The woman that spent time showing genuine care and empathy for my position from the start? The one who taught me everything I know and then decided to see the magical asshole on her deathbed instead of me?"

Steve hesitated and looked between my eyes for a moment. "Yes."

I shook my head back and moved to walk by him. "I'm fine."

Steve held out a hand to stop me, only for me to duck under it.

"You don't drink coffee." He called after me as I opened a portal to the IT office.

"I do now." I shut it behind me and Hayley faced me with a frown from her desk.

"You really can't teach me how to do that?"

I waved her off and sat down with my bag. "I have to make sure I have enough to get me through December. Not to mention the test I have to make. Who knew teaching required so much work outside of work?"

"Teachers." Hayley shrugged, "I don't know. That's why I'm not picking up any subbing positions."

"I might." I admitted, pulling out my computer. "You know, this isn't so bad. I think I might like having a real job. Tony says he can sign me up for more MIT classes if I want. I might take him up on it just so that I can learn a bit more about robotics."

"Hey, you know I got an anonymous donation recently?" Hayley leaned back in her chair and turned to look at me, stretching her arms. "Do you ever talk to him about me?"

I shrugged. "Maybe. If you're looking for a part time job though, Pepper is hiring a new webpage manager."

Hayley had known about my cool teleporting trick since near the start. She was twenty six and couldn't give less shits about the wacky superhero bits of NYC. She was 'used to it' apparently and only asked to be teleported home every once in a while. Honestly, I wasn't so surprised to see another New Yorker with such a strong lack of care for what was happening around them. NYC is crazy, especially with all the aliens and superheroes, so the 'mind your business' levels on them were even more through the roof.

Peter continued to take my class with Ned too. He seemed okay for the most part, but I didn't really know what was fully going on in his head. However, I did see him join back with the robotics club, which put him near me again.

Having after school activities allowed me to keep my mind away from the sanctum for the time being, so I exploited that a little. All through November, I diverted my mind very easily away from the idea of Strange and the Sanctum by putting it back on work or coding. I was thinking about it sometimes too even as I sparred Natasha in the compound gym or rather tried to beat her in assorted fitness contests. She might challenge me to push-ups, chin-ups, or planks, and every time so far she'd won. I'm sure I'll get her one day though.

Steve followed me down the hall again a few days before Thanksgiving break. He was insistent more recently as I could feel the time passing faster every day.

"Hey," He caught my arm this time, giving me a serious look. "Can you listen for a moment?"

"Is it about my grieving process?" I deadpanned back with an unamused stare.

"No, I need you here on Thursday at five." He released my arm again, moving to stand in front of me. "Wanda and Pietro are going to spend Thanksgiving with Clint and Nat, but you're gonna be here."

"Who says I'm gonna be here?" I muttered back.

"Are you going somewhere?"

I didn't answer, looking away carefully and then down at the ground.

"Okay," He sighed, "I'm just making some food for you and me and Tony and Pepper. And Happy, I think. I don't think he's going anywhere."

"He never goes anywhere." I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly, "Look, I don't think I'm really the holiday type. I'll feel dumb sitting around with a bunch of superheroes and Happy."

"I'm making a turkey." He glanced at the kitchen and then back between my eyes. "Please do this one thing for me. I never see you around and I know you're purposefully only working out with Natasha to avoid me."

"Maybe I just don't like you?"

"Lincoln." He pleaded gently, "You said you wanted to fix this. If you don't think you can, I don't want to bother you more by trying to invite you into things. But, I do care about you, so I'm going to keep pushing until you tell me to stop."

"Okay, then maybe I'm telling you to stop." I pushed him aside to walk around him on my way to the kitchen. "Fuck off for once."

Steve watched Lincoln turn into the kitchen with her face twisted into one of annoyance. A part of him knew that she didn't actually want to push him and everyone else away, but he also knew that by that reaction, he might need to try some other way to get through to her. She wasn't responding to the invitations to be around him or others and insisted on burying herself in grading school work or messing with Tony's bin of parts in the lab.

In all fairness, she was taking care of herself to some degree ever since the Ancient One died. She was exercising still, working, and eating (from what he could tell) a livable amount of food. Sure, he might wish that she would eat more since she was on the skinnier side lately, but it wasn't alarming enough that she was dying. In regards to the sleep schedule, he wasn't really checking up on her in the middle of the night, so he couldn't be positive, but she wasn't dragging herself around, so he assumed it was sustainable.

The only problem with the kid was the fact that he'd seen her cry only once about her mentor before promptly refusing to talk about anything even related to the sanctum. As far as he could tell, she was practicing magic here and there, but she had the same two books from the sanctum library all month with no intention of returning them. Essentially, she was shutting down again, just without disappearing.

He was on the lookout for that possibility though and made sure to check routinely that she hadn't started to pack bags or anything along those lines.

"Have you tried giving her space?" Tony muttered, wearing a pair of higher tech watchmaker's glasses while he worked on something Steve couldn't even begin to identify. "She likes that."

"You know that's not good for her." Steve sighed a little, "Can't you talk to her for me?"

"We don't do the 'feelings talk', Rogers. You know that."

"She needs that from you." Steve lowered his voice to try and be gentle. "Lincoln looks up to you just like she looked up to the Ancient One. You know what it's like to lose parents and parent figures."

"So do you." Tony scoffed quietly back. "I have a good thing going with the kid, okay? I'm not gonna sabotage that because you want me to talk to her about her dead mentor. I'll say something wrong and she'll hate me. I'm not touching that."

"What if she comes to you?" Steve leaned back on the table with an annoyed glare, crossing his arms. "Are you going to shove her away and tell her to figure it out? You're not supporting her at all. That's what you do for people who are grieving."

"I am supporting her." Tony gestured back towards the far end of the lab where his box of scraps was sitting beside a work table and a dinky light. "She has a space to work on her robotic stuff. I did that out of the goodness of my heart."

"The goodness of your heart stops after broken pieces of scrap metal that you don't want?"

Tony set his soldering iron down and looked back at Steve. "I'm gonna let that slide because you've got your dick in a twist today. And for no good reason."

"I have a good reason, Tony," Steve snapped, "The kid is spiraling after the death of someone else she cares about and all you've done is let her play with some pieces of metal so she can ignore her personal life more."

"It's always worked for me." Tony shrugged, "Why do you think I'm the picture of health right now? I'm golden."

"Don't push your unhealthy tactics on Lincoln. She doesn't know better."

Tony rolled his eyes and turned to go back to his work, picking up the iron again. "I regulate my time down here, okay? I'm not letting her drown out her problems. I'm just giving her a break from all your pestering. Believe it or not, I'm not entirely helpless."

"I don't believe it sometimes." Steve pushed back off the table, walking away. "At least come to dinner on Thursday."

"Hey!" Tony called after him, making Steve turn back around begrudgingly.

"What?"

Tony held up a black flip phone and tossed it at Steve for him to catch. "Wakanda called. They want to know if you want Bucky for Thanksgiving."

Steve took a sharp breath at the idea, flipping it open and nodding. "Thank you."

"Yeah," Tony turned back to his work. "Can't wait for turkey."

Steve returned to his bedroom with the phone and made the call to Wakanda before he got a separate call from Fury about a job up in Montana. He was in the air by that night since he was the only qualified Avenger in the compound at the moment. The Barton household had taken its guests already on Sunday and Sam had left to see his sister and nephews before them. Vision was…technically supposed to be around, but he had followed Wanda to Clint's house.

This left just Steve to tear through the Hydra set-up and shut down their operation up there with a virus that Lincoln had actually constructed. It wasn't super elaborate either, so he was able to take twelve prisoners for Fury and drop them all off with the quinjet before Wednesday morning.

And, while Wednesday was a vacation day at Lincoln's work, she wasn't around the house when he came back after his shower and nap. He took advantage of the quiet in the living section of the compound by starting to run through different desserts in Wanda's cookbook in order to find a good one. That was around the time that Friday chimed in, making him nearly jump out of his skin from the sudden voice.

"Shit," He held a hand over his heart, crouching down to the ground to catch his breath. "What, Friday?"

"A wakandan ship has landed in the hangar bay. I believe Mr. Barnes is on his way. Should I let him in?"

"Yes," Steve covered his face with his hands and ran them back over his hair with another deep breath. "Okay."

He almost stood back up right away but ended up shaking his head to himself and then sitting down for a minute longer. It wouldn't be the end of the world if Bucky caught him sitting on the kitchen floor. God knows he's been caught by his friend in worse situations.

The door down the hall opened and shut with Bucky walking on in and almost walking right by the kitchen with a backpack over his shoulder. He stopped when he did a quick double take of the floor and smiled.

"What are you doing there?" Bucky asked, stepping up closer and offering out a hand for Steve. "Getting in fights again?"

"Pretty much." Steve released a breath he felt like he'd been holding. "Welcome back?"

"Yeah, not forever." Bucky sighed too. "I'm getting there."

"That's good."

"Lincoln?"

Steve opened and shut his mouth at that. "Ah, well, it's getting there. She told me to screw off."

"She didn't say 'screw' did she?" Bucky raised an eyebrow. "Do you want me to talk to her?"

"You can try." Steve turned to look back at the cookbook. "That or making food for tomorrow."

Bucky disappeared to put some things away before returning to the kitchen and using the cranberries that Steve bought to make cranberry sauce for the fridge. It was nice to have his buddy around for a few days at least. Just being around someone so familiar and on his side had to be the best thing for him right now, especially with Lincoln the way she was. Not to mention, Bucky is good at listening to the shit Steve always managed to get himself into.

He helped the next afternoon too with there still being no sign of Lincoln anywhere. Pepper appeared to help with Happy, though, the latter really just took orders from Pepper on what to do every five minutes.

At around four fifty, the table was set with food and out of nowhere, Lincoln marched in from the hallway that led to bedrooms like she had been there the whole time. She sat herself down at the table quietly where Steve had put her plate and didn't bother to look up at anyone other than Pepper. Pepper just smiled politely at the kid and got a half smile back. Steve would try to talk to her or address her in general, but just having her show up was enough for him to know that she cared.

"Hi, Bucky." She said, her voice barely above a whisper as she continued to not look at anyone.

"Hi," He smiled at her. "Ready for food?"

She nodded, making Happy scoff.

"That's all I need to know." He pulled over the potato bowl to start putting some on his plate. "Big happy family, huh?"

Indeed.

What can I say? I was losing my mind in my bedroom and the food smelled really nice. I would have made something if I wasn't so awkward already after attending an event I uninvited myself to. They didn't seem to mind, but Bucky being there at all threw me off a little. He was not someone I expected to see at our makeshift Thanksgiving dinner, but he was certainly welcome since I was a lot more willing to talk to him about how he was doing in Wakanda.

I chatted with him after food too, having followed him into the living room while he tried to figure out the TV. He got it pretty easily and figured out Netflix to put on Fight Club, which by my standards was a sort of odd choice for Thanksgiving.

"Uh," He waved a hand vaguely at the TV before sitting down on the couch. "It's on my list."

"Oh, okay," I sat down beside him and pulled a blanket over my legs. "I can watch it too."

He hummed at that, looking up with me when Steve entered and sat down too in a separate chair.

"Did Shuri get you a new arm?" I asked then, eyeing the metal wrist and then reaching to pull up his sleeve a little.

"You know Shuri too, huh?" He moved the metal arm over for me to see better. "Yeah, she got it for me last week."

"Not bad." I flipped his hand over before closing it and just leaning into his side.

"Yeah, okay," He wrapped an arm over my shoulders to let me cuddle into his side. "Very discreet."

"I kinda missed you." I admitted, "Just a little bit though. Not nearly as much as Steve. He cries himself to sleep, I'm sure."

"Awe," Bucky looked over to his friend who just smiled a little to himself with an eye roll. He looked back at me then with a shake of his head. "He's embarrassed."

I smiled a little too. "I'm not."

"Yeah, you're all friendly all of a sudden." Bucky mentioned, looking over my face. "What happened while I was gone? Steve try to kill you and now you need someone to protect you from good old Captain America?"

"No," I relaxed against his side, pulling my legs up onto the couch. "That's dark."

"Oh, too soon?"

"Maybe," I snickered lightly, feeling guilty when I passed a small look in the other man's direction. "Ah, sorry, Steve. That I swore at you a few days ago."

"I'll make it." Steve looked back at me finally, "It's okay."

"Yeah, I'm just…acting like a bitchy teenager or something." I muttered, staring at my lap. "I'll figure myself out, okay? I'm not boxing it up. She always said it was a bad thing to do."

"She was smart." Steve agreed in a soft voice. "She always had a reason for doing things the way she did."

I turned my eyes up to the TV then, ignoring that statement for some distraction from the idea of her. "Movie is starting, Steve. Shut your trap."

Tony and Happy came to sit down too a few minutes after the movie started and Tony bitched to himself about the choice of movie before settling in to watch it while doing something on his phone at the same time. Happy was less annoying about it with Tony only putting his phone away when Pepper came to sit with him on the couch too. It was a weird and oddly domestic way to spend the holiday with three superheroes and a random assortment of other people. I fit into that random assortment, but in the end, I guess I wasn't complaining.

I did get to eat more Thanksgiving leftovers the next day which was a bonus on top of watching Natasha spar with Bucky and win. She was really proud of herself, but I just felt like I had even less hope at beating her one of these days.

I got news on Mrs. Rosado's return too, learning that she was due to come back after Christmas break, so I was going to be out of a job. I was possibly avoiding that news too as I lived out of the compound and worked through December until Christmas break. Then I officially had nothing left to do and I crashed just like Steve had predicted for me. There was no work and I spent the first two days of break trying to drown out my mind in Tony's lab. On the second day though, he kicked me out.

I left in tears and actually got a concerned look from Tony when I started crying out of nowhere. To be fair, it was unexpected for me too, so it wasn't like I was trying to guilt him. He didn't tell on me to Steve though and instead came into my room on his own to sit down at my desk with something for him to work on while I hugged a pillow on the floor.

"You can talk about it." He said, not looking up. "I'm listening."

I sniffled and just dropped my face in the pillow before starting to cry again. The idea of not seeing her ever again was a heavy feeling that weighed on my shoulders. I wanted to talk to her about my problems and spar at the sanctum. But, ever since I had been passed up for the magical bitch boy, I hadn't been able to go back. Not even to return my books.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tony asked then, "I can also offer you candy or a hug. Those are my skill sets right now. I'm not good at giving advice, so I'll draw the line there."

I didn't look up either, keeping my face hidden in the pillow while I cried. I wanted to hear her voice and see that little amused smile she had when I made a bad joke or fell on my ass. There was so much for me to learn from her still. It was like I couldn't keep people close anymore. And, yeah, I knew she was going to pass away eventually, but that didn't make it any easier. I still needed more time that I couldn't have.

It was like my purpose had run out without my teaching job and my mentor.

Above all else, I felt lonely. There had been one other person that understood how much it sucked to know the future and not be able to act sometimes. Now that person was gone and I was left alone to deal with it myself.

Tony looked over at me finally, giving me a sort of expectant look while I rested my head on the pillow and kept my eyes off him.

"I wanna go home." I whispered, "I wish Wong had let him kill me."

"Come closer." The voice of Dormammu split through the air, resonating like a thunder clap.

Wong gripped my arm tight, pulling me back against him while tears started in my eyes.

"Don't you want to see them?" Dormammu enticed with a deep voice, "I've collected hundreds of earths, Lincoln. Don't you want to see your sister?"

"He's lying to you." Wong growled lowly, tightening his grip on my arm and then pulling me back a step when the dark realm lapped at our feet and tried to slide up my foot.

I just watched it, not moving to get away while I thought of my family. Maybe the movies got it wrong? What if he wasn't actually bad?

"Come help me with my little problem." Dormammu continued, "And I can put you with your family. All of you together and happy for eternity."

Tony clenched his jaw at that and looked back at the work on his lap. "Well, the rest of us are happy he didn't."

I felt my heart lodge in my throat again before I dropped my face back on the pillow for the new tears.

"I just wanna see them again." I cried into the pillow. "I never got to say goodbye to any of them."

"No one ever does, kiddo." Tony replied, his tone almost comparable to sympathy, "I know it's shitty. Trust me."

"I'm so tired."

I never made it down for dinner that night and really only managed to climb out of my bed for the bathroom that Christmas Eve. Steve brought me some water around nine am that morning and then came back again twenty minutes later with some bacon and eggs. He set them on my bed stand and then hovered for a moment before sitting down on the edge of my bed.

The smell of the food was mouth-watering, but I couldn't bring myself to reach out and grab it while I scrolled through instagram on my phone.

Eventually, Steve reached out and took the phone from me before pulling me up to a sitting position.

"I'm not going to make you get up." He put the plate on my lap. "But if I come back and there's still the same amount of food here, I will get Wanda to mind-control you into eating."

"Can she even do that?" I asked tiredly, accepting the fork he handed me too.

"She'll figure it out." He got up again. "Eat breakfast, please."

I picked my phone back up after he left and put it on youtube. I think the food was a little cold by the time I decided to eat with a video playing. It was gone when Steve came back though.

Steve watched as Lincoln slept through most of her days for a week straight, including Christmas. She got up for maybe ten minutes that day just to give him a grocery bag with his gift and do the same with Happy, Tony, Pepper, and Bucky, who had returned again for the holiday with news on when he might be back full time.

Right after she dropped off presents though, she went back to bed on her phone and, as far as he knew, didn't leave her room at all. Though, snacks disappeared from his hand or the counter via a golden portal, so he knew she was eating something. It wasn't nutritious, but she was eating. That was the only thing he tried to stay on top of her about- food. If she was eating, she was going to be okay. Trying to pull her out of bed always ended with her just slumped over on the floor or portalling herself back to the bed.

Then, one day, she was just sitting in the kitchen after he got back from his run. She had a bowl of cereal and was seated up on the island with Pietro casually pouring more cereal into his own bowl beside her.

"Good morning." He looked between them before continuing on in to get the eggs out of the fridge.

"Morning." Lincoln replied with her mouth half full of food.

"Are you feeling okay this morning?" Steve asked, giving her a short look over before bringing his carton of eggs to the stove and grabbing for a bowl.

"I feel great." Lincoln smiled back at him, making Steve's blood chill. "Everything is perfect today."

He stopped what he was doing to look back at her. "Why is everything perfect today?"

"Doesn't matter." Lincoln shrugged carelessly, scooping up more cereal. "I feel good."

"I threatened her for you." Pietro muttered, rolling his eyes and getting a sharp glare from Lincoln in return. "You're welcome."

Steve released a breath at that, very grateful that this wasn't a sudden burst of life from Lincoln by her own means.

She set down the cereal dejectedly and huffed a sigh, her opposite hand coming up to her arm to scratch at it. "Pietro is a bitch is what he's trying to say."

He smiled at that, leaning back on the counter with his own cereal.

"You shouldn't threaten her." Steve mentioned then, turning on his stove. "It's not going to help."

"Tough love."

"Awe." Lincoln cooed with a fake smile. "You love-e me?"

"Go back to bed and rot." Pietro scoffed, walking by her with his cereal. "I hate you."

"I will." Lincoln turned to dump out her cereal, only for Pietro to speed over and catch it away from her.

"Eat your breakfast." He snarled, "I can still get him."

"I think you're bluffing." Lincoln cocked her head at him challengingly. "You're really going to run all the way there and back just to make a point?"

"Who is he threatening to get?" Steve asked.

"Shut up, Rogers." Pietro handed her bowl back. "Eat your food. I will do it. He can see how much of a mess you are with his own eyes. Because the woman he looks up to-"

"Stop it." Lincoln warned in a low voice.

"Is nothing more…" Pietro continued in a hushed voice, "Than a hysterical woman with no idea how to pick herself up after a loss. My therapist hears about you."

"Well, my therapist is dead." Lincoln snipped back, "So a lot of good that's been doing me, huh?"

"Think for a moment," Pietro poked her chest. "Your mentor knew everything and she chose to deviate from what she promised. She did not do that for no reason. Think about that for once instead of wallowing like a wet towel."

"Blanket." Lincoln corrected quietly, looking away. "Wet blanket."

"Wet Lincoln."

She shook her head. "That's really not what you think it means."

"I hate english." He pushed her face back a little before turning to walk away. "Quit crying. I'm sick of it."

"He's not good with grieving people." Lincoln muttered then, glancing back at Steve before taking a deep breath and turning to walk away too. "Have a nice morning."

Steve made a mental note to check on her again right after his breakfast. The cheery attitude from before rattled him enough to want to keep a closer eye on her, so that's what he did for the rest of the day. She very quickly found him annoying, so after lunch, he put Friday on her tail, but he didn't leave her by herself in case she got any ideas while she was up and about. Tony's lab was where she put herself for most of the day until Steve actually did have to track her down for not showing up to meet her court-appointed therapist. Well, Pepper had picked the lady out, but the court required it for Lincoln too.

She was quiet the whole walk to the business side of the compound, keeping the tired scowl sewn on her face while he delivered her there and made sure she went in.

"I've been told that you know the future." Kelly mentioned after I'd been mostly quiet so far. "That can't be an easy ability to maintain."

"That's not all I do." I grumbled back, "I do a purple sparkly thing too. And I'm really only aware of one other thing. Well, a few things, but I'm only touching the one. The others are…family business and not my rodeo."

"How would you classify some event as 'not your business'?"

"That's not your business." I looked away, "I can't tell you that, obviously."

"Is there someone you can tell?"

"Could." I played with my hands on my lap. "She died and I knew it was going to happen."

Kelly hummed sympathetically at that. "I'm sorry. It must've been hard keeping that from her."

"No, she knew about it." I shook my head back, "She said she would speak with me before she died, and then she went with some magical ego-centric asshole in her final moments before the person she'd been training long before him."

"Have you spoken to him?"

"He can suck my metaphysical dick." I looked up at her. "Stop getting me to talk about my shitty life."

"It's my job." She shrugged haphazardly. "Believe it or not, I like to help people too. And by helping you, I believe I can help countless other people in the future. Because you will be there mentally well and able to offer support."

"Don't you just report everything back to the government?"

She tilted her head down a little, fixing her glasses on her nose with a finger. "I just write them a small paper that tells them that you aren't at risk for homicidal or self-endangering activities. Everything else stays between us."

"Hm," I re-crossed my legs the other way. "Neat."

"Yeah, sure." She nodded with a small smile. "I think HIPAA is kind of neat too. Why don't we start with something easy? What do you like to do for fun?"