Family Kitsune

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Naruto x Meg

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Story Start

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''Meg! Breakfast is ready!'' Naruto's voice echoed from the kitchen.

Meg having already finished getting dressed Meg strolled down the stairs and entered the kitchen where a plate of food was waiting for her. Pancakes, Hashbrown, Eggs, Sausage, Toast and Ham. Not to mention there was a glass of both Milk and Orange juice waiting by her plate.

''Whoa...you made all this?'' she asked as Naruto turned from the stove with a grin.

''That's right. I took to learning how to cook for myself. Its a lot more conveinent to be able to cook what you like instead of just going with whatever someone else cooks for you."

''Wow...it looks,'' she took a quick whiff of the food to take in its scent. ''and smells so good...'' she said sitting at the table. She took in a fork full of eggs. ''Oh god really good.'' she started shoveling it down.

''Jeez...you act like they didn't feed you over there,'' he joked as Meg looked up briefly and looked just as down just as quickly as her eyes was focused on the table.

Naruto couldn't help but scowl. ''I can't fucking believe this!'' he mumbled under his breath but loudly and harsh enough for Meg to make out what he said as he began fixing his own plate. '' Doesn't matter now...you're with me now. Good thing too considering what happened last night.''

''What happened last night?'' Meg asked after a gulp from her orange juice.

''Your old house nearly burned down,'' he replied as he picked up today's paper and opened it as Meg shook her head.

''Oh god...who was it? Chris? Stewie? That fat bastard?''

''The latter...'' he said ten paused and folded the paper revealing his right eyebrow was raised. ''Stewie? The baby?''

''Well Stewie is...rather smart for his age. Unnaturally smart. He treats me like the plague along with the rest of the family so I mostly ignore him. After he stopped trying to kill mom I stopped trying to convince my parents he was anything but a normal toddler.

Naruto raised an eyebrow. ''I got to hear this.''

''He's been trying to kill our mother for quite a long time, but since I'm mostly ignored no one notices that I've spent all this time sabotaging him so he wouldn't succeed.''

''I...wha...how is this not something you couldn't somehow prove?"

"Considering how I was treated before I didn't really need to be thought as crazy compounded onto everything."

"You couldn't believe what I found. He has this whole cache of weapons, a monitoring advice, and who knows what else. I've done everything I could to curb his destructive tendancies but well...there isn't much I can do. Anyway what were you sayingabout my house burning down.''

''Well your father was trying to make smores.'' He pretty much stated.

''Smores? How the hell do yo burn down the house making smores?'' Meg couldn't utter anything but exapseration at what she was informed of.

''Yeah well I put together the following theory based on what I know of your father. That night your father was watching a camping show and what is often featured? Snores! So he tried to make Snores. Getting some logs and some kerosene he started a camp fire...on the stove. Need I say more?''

Meg couldn't even point out the abusridty of the most likely true theory. ''How much of the house was burned down?''

''Mostly just kitchen damage...and your former room apparently.''

''Oh come on!"' Meg cried out as she threw up her hands. ''Really! Why the hell am I not surprised!''

''I'm sorry Meg...'' Naruto said as he placed his hand over hers and gave a comforting squeeze. ''At least you don't have to worry about that anymore.''

''That doesn't undo the damage. This entire damn town has treated me like crap and it's only intensified over the years. I mean one of the few people to treat me decently was Kevin.''

''Whose Kevin?''

''My neight Joe Swanson's son. We used to dated for a while before we decided to be just friends. He works at the local gas station and convenience store the Quahog Mini-Mart.''

''Huh...sounds like a nice kid.''

''Yeah...I just can't believe how things have changed. '' Meg replied as her phone rung. ''Yeah hello," she greeted as she answered the device. "Yeah I heard about what happened. You want me to do what? Well why can't you have one of the neighbors do it?'' Meg sighed. ''Fine...'' Meg hung as she hung up the phone.

''So what did your mother want?'' He figured that was the only person who would willingly called Meg.

''She wants me to baby-sit Stewie while her and Peter contact a contractor about repairing the kitchen.''

''Hhm...I guess I can drive you over there.'' he said as he went to go get his car keys. After about an hour the duo arrived at the Griffin's house. ''So what's up with his head?'' Naruto asked as he came from the kitchen, after observing the damage. ''Why is it shaped like a football.''

''You know what...I don't know...'' she answered honestly.

''Aaah yes so this is the strapping young lad making all the fuss about town. You know people like you show up one week and are gone the next. Maybe you can help clear up the idiocy that seems to have overtaken this town.''

''I'll try little man, but there's no guarantee,'' Naruto responded with a shrug.

''What the deuce! You can understand what I'm saying?''

''I don't see why not. You're speaking English as clear as day. Everyone else probably just ignores you because you're a baby.'' he answered as the doorbell rings.

''I'll get it.'' Meg volunteered as she went to the door.

''So you're supposed to be an evil mastermind right?''

Stewie's eyes widened as they quickly narrowed and he pulled out a ray gun. ''There appears to be a leak in my network. I'll dispose of the mole once I deal away with you!"' Stewie pulled the trigger only for nothing to happen.

''Yeah...you might not want to make the energy supply so easily removable,'' Naruto replied holding up a glowing red gem.

''BLAST!''

At the door it was none other then Meg's neighbor, Neil Goldman. A nerdy red-head/carrot top teen with large teeth, pimples, and nasally voice.

''Hi Meg, you busy Saturday night?''

''Neil, you ask me out, like, once a day, and I always give you the same answer: No!'' Meg pushes Neil and slams the door.

''Hey isn't it that guy who is always hitting on you?''

''Yeah...God, I don't think I could have been any clearer the last time I turned him down.'' As she turned to answer him she was compreheneding what she was seeing.

Stewie was on Naruto's shoudler trying to choke him.

''Uum Naruto...''

''I know Meg,'' he replied with a sigh. ''Hey kid...want some ice cream?'' he asked as Stewie's eyebrow rose in suspicion.

''What's your game?''

''No game...I heard the ice cream I make is deliciously natural. Even after all this time I don't get why it's so obviously call that but who cares.''

In another part of town Peter had arrived at Goldman's Pharmacy. Peter drives up to the pharmacy, parks the car, and walks in.

''Hey Mort, Lois and I are going out for dinner since the kitchen burn down after we have to go talk to the stupid contractors about fixing the house. So um, why don't you give me some condoms? And some Excedrin. My wife's got a headache,'' moves his hands toward his crotch. ''THIS big.'' he giggled. ''You know? It's like from the commercial.'' He once more moved his hands toward his head. '' This big? Only it's my junk.'''

''Alright, then. Twelve dollars and forty-three cents.''

''Aw, jeez, that's more of a ripoff than that breakfast machine I bought.''

Cue to Peter in the kitchen with a giant elaborate Mouse-Trap style machine. Peter lights a candle, which burns a rope. The rope drops an anvil, the anvil hits a switch, and the switch starts a conveyor belt. The conveyor belt powers a mini Ferris wheel, which hits some flags, makes a propeller spin, and a ball go through a tube. The ball is eaten by a toy dinosaur, which flings it on its tail and hits a toy drinking bird. The bird presses a button, a balloon fills up with air. Attached to the balloon is a string which is tied to the trigger of a gun. The balloon starts to float upwards, the string gets tighter, the gun trigger is pulled and Peter is shot in the arm.

''Gah! Ow! Ow, What was the point of all that? Ow, all it does is shoot ya! It doesn't make breakfast at all! Oww!''

''Besides, I forgot my wallet.'' he said digging through his pocket.

''Well, that's ok, I'll just open up a tab.''

''Wait a minute, what the hell is a tab? Does that mean I don't gotta pay?''

''Well, not right now but-'' Peter promptly cuts Mort off. ''Aww sweet! Hey, while I'm at it, gimmie all these copies of Marie Claire. Y'know in case I wanna rub out that easy one before I get Lois into bed tonight.''

''Kathleen Turner's on page 45.''

''Kathleen Turner,'' Peter responded excited. ''... eh, let's see how she looks and...'' turns to the right page, not excited anymore. ''Aww, that's a shame.''

Back at the Griffin House Naruto had finished making the ice cream and everyone was enjoying a bowl. Well Stewie was enjoying his eight bowl and was as chubby as can be.

''How...how in the hell...'' he murmured as he looked to Meg then back at the chunky Stewie. ''Just how?''

''It's just another one of those things that happen around here...usually only takes a week to resolve things though.''

''This whole damn place is messed up.''

''Damn you ice cream! Come to my mouth!'' Stewie demanded as he struggled to bring the spoon full of ice cream to his mouth. ''How dare you disobey me!''

''Do you hear something?'' she wondered as Naruto looked up towards the roof.

''I think it's coming from outside,'' he said as they both went outside. Meg opens the front door and gasps. A plane with the banner "MEG, I AM YOUR DESTINY. LOVE, NEIL. ALSO, HAVE YOU SEEN MY GOOD PEN? I FEEL LIKE I LOANED IT TO YOU IN PHYSICS, BUT I HAVEN'T SEEN IT IN A" flies by. Another plane flies closely behind the first plane with a banner that says "WHILE."

''Oh, God. This is so embarrassing. I can't believe this is happening to me.''

''Wow...a persistent bastard huh? Oh well come on...let's go take Stewie to the clinic and have his stomach pumped.''

''Is that safe?''

''Sure it is...trust me. I do this sort of thing all the time,'' he paused and went over what he said in his head. ''Not quite what I wanted to say, but I suppose it'll do.''

''Well it'll give us something to do. So far the whole day has been boring.''

''I know...damn, I guess nothing does happen around here unless it's the damn craziness you guys talk about.''

''Better boring then the madness.''

''Aah yes...I mean what's the worst that can happen?''

A few weeks later at Mort's Pharmacy.''Hey Mort, do these suppositories come in other flavors?'' He said holding up said items.

''Peter, are you EATING those?'' the owner asked in disbelief at the absurdness of what he was seeing.

''No, I'm shoving them up my butt! Of course I'm eating them! Gimme a carton!''

''Peter, it's the end of the month, and I'm calling your tab! You owe me $34,000!''

''WHAT? Aww, man, how am I gonna come up with that kinda money?''

''Peter, I'm waiting.''

He looks around, and notices the "Employee of the Month" photo of Neil.

''All right, all right, I got another idea. What if I sold you my daughter?''

''Huh?''

''You drop the tab, and your son can have Meg.''

Elsewhere at Naruto's place Meg jolted up from her nap. ''Yo? You okay there? You jolted up pretty hard!"'

''What time is it?''

''Saturday, 9 P.M., Why?'' Naruto asked as he went back to the paper work he was working on.

''Something tells me something is occurring which is going to result in me having a pretty large headache.''