Chapter 124: Zak's Biggest Mistake

After Zak and I had finished dinner, we decided to walk for a bit along the Strip. While we walked, Zak told me the next lockdown – which was in one week's time – would be the last one we'd have to film for the year, and also for the season, since it would be mid-November at that point.

I found myself feeling a bit relieved at having a break from filming for a while. The past six months had been pretty hectic, with getting a new job, being on the road a lot, having filmed seven episodes of "Ghost Adventures" with one more episode left to film, dealing with more intense paranormal experiences, and the start of my first relationship ever.

It was hard to believe that Zak and I had been dating for three weeks already, although I knew that probably wasn't considered a long time for most people. But at the same time, it felt as if we'd been dating for longer than that, since we had become close so quickly.

With the time off from filming, and with our first Christmas and New Years coming up, I was definitely looking forward to spending more quality time with Zak.

As we began walking back toward the "Stratosphere Casino, Hotel & Tower" and to where Zak had parked the car, we ended up being recognized by some more fans.

It had been a man and a woman, named Tim and Natalie. I guessed they were in their early twenties or so, and they were dating – as they introduced each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. Thankfully, it was all positive comments regarding the new season with me being a part of the crew. We talked with them for a few minutes, and then took some pictures with them – a group shot, and then some "selfies". Zak had gone first, taking a selfie with Natalie, and then with Tim. Then it was my turn, first taking a selfie with Natalie, and then with Tim.

Zak's body language while I took the picture with Tim clearly told me he was not happy with Tim's pose with me. We had stood side by side, and I wrapped my arm around his back. When Tim wrapped his arm around me, his hand was a little higher up on my side near my breast than I would of liked – but at the same time, it was so quick, that I doubted Tim had done it intentionally.

Once we said our "goodbyes", we walked the rest of the way back in silence – I could tell Zak was tense – and I decided to wait until we were in his car before I spoke up.

"Zak…the picture happened so quick, he probably didn't even realize where his hand ended up," I said softly.

"What?" Zak asked, looking at me. "You mean Tim?" Zak added, acting completely confused.

"Don't play dumb with me, I saw you cross your arms," I said, laughing slightly when he made a "I was caught" face.

"You know me too well," Zak grumbled, and I chuckled quietly.

"Don't stress over it, okay? I was a little uncomfortable myself, but I'm not used to meeting fans yet," I said. "Plus, I am dressed up," I added.

"I knew I shouldn't of taken you out where other men would you see you," Zak joked, causing me to laugh.

I leaned over toward him and gently kissed his cheek.

"You're the only man I care about," I said softly.

Zak turned his head to look at me and smiled.

"And you're the only woman I care about," Zak replied softly, and I smiled.

"I better be, I have a lot more female fans to worry about than you have to worry about male fans!" I teased.

"Aww, were you jealous?" Zak teased.

"No!" I retorted. "…maybe," I mumbled, and Zak laughed.

"Well, you have no reason to be jealous," Zak said.

"And neither do you," I replied, and Zak smiled.

"Alright, alright," Zak said as he put his seatbelt on. "Where to now?" Zak added.

"Hang on," I said, as I put my seatbelt on, and then checked my cell, as I heard the ringtone signalling a text message had come in.

"It's Cheryl, she said she's going to bed for the night. She said if we wanted to go there after dinner, she won't mind," I said.

"Talk about perfect timing," Zak said, chuckling. "Is she sure?" Zak asked, and after getting a second confirmation from Cheryl, I nodded.

"Yep," I replied.

"Alright, sounds good to me doll," Zak replied, as he started the car and then pulled out of the parking lot.

I smiled to myself as I put my phone back in my purse, and hoped that Zak really had let the "incident" – if you could even call it that – with Tim go.

Once we arrived at my house, we took off our shoes and Zak helped me take off my jacket, and then hung it up for me. Then we made our way into the living room and sat down beside each other on the couch.

I folded my legs up under me on the couch, and then smiled to myself as I watched Zak loosening his tie.

"Still can't believe you wore a tie for me…" I said, as I watched him.

He smiled as he took the tie off and tossed it onto the coffee table.

"Like I said, only special people get to see me in one," Zak said, as he turned his head to look at me and smiled at me. Then I noticed his gaze drift downward over my chest.

I glanced down at myself, thinking there was something wrong, but realized he was looking at my necklace.

I felt my cheeks flush.

"That was Cheryl's idea," I mumbled, and then reached up behind my neck and undid the clasp of the necklace and then took it off – wanting to feel more comfortable - and then carefully set it down on the coffee table.

"I'll have to remember to thank her later," Zak said, smirking at me, and I laughed quietly.

"Yeah, yeah," I jokingly mumbled, and Zak laughed.

"So…what do we do now?" Zak asked, looking around the living room, and stopped when his eyes spotted my bean bag chair. "Want to play a game?" Zak asked, looking at me.

Suddenly, as if it had happened yesterday, I had flashbacks to the time Zak and I were sitting together on that very same chair, playing "Tomb Raider" on my Playstation 4. The next thing I knew, I had fallen asleep and I had had a semi-sexual dream about us.

I shifted slightly in my seat.

"You can play something if you want, and I'll watch," I suggested, and Zak smiled.

"Alright," Zak replied, before he stood up and walked over and picked up the bean bag chair, and carried it over and set it down on the floor in front of the TV.

He then looked up at me, partly in confusion.

"Aren't you going to sit with me?" Zak asked, then jokingly made a pouty face, and I couldn't help but laugh.

Shit…how do I get out of this one…?

"I'm fine here," I said casually, hoping he wouldn't push the issue.

Unfortunately, he knew me too well.

"No you're not, you're hiding something," Zak said, looking at me all detective like, but in a silly way.

"Hiding something?" I asked, laughing. "It's a chair, what could I possible have to hide about a chair?" I asked.

"I don't know…but you always wanted to sit together before. The last time we did you even fell asleep," Zak said, smiling at the memory, but then his expression changed. "Oh! I know! You had a naughty dream about us when you fell asleep!" Zak joked.

I swallowed back a lump that had formed in my throat and forced myself to laugh.

"I did not!" I retorted, but not quite as firmly as I had intended too.

Zak studied me for a few seconds, and then a sly smirk appeared on his face.

"You did…you did dream about us!" Zak exclaimed, and walked back over and sat on the couch again.

Oh no.

"I didn't!" I said, laughing. "I swear!" I added, but it didn't matter, my face was flushed.

I gulped silently as Zak shifted over so he was sitting closer to me, and gently rested his hand on my knee.

"I don't believe you," Zak said, softly.

I was frozen on the spot, my mind reeling to come up with some other excuse, but he had me trapped now.

"What was the dream about?" Zak asked softly, his voice slightly husky now.

I swallowed back a lump in my throat.

"Alright…fine…" I said softly. "You're right…that day we were here, playing 'Tomb Raider', and I fell asleep sitting on the bean bag chair with you, I had a dream…" I said, my voice quieter now.

Zak simply nodded in response, waiting for me to continue.

"Well…I dreamt that while it was my turn playing…you started kissing my shoulder, and then my neck…and I didn't want you to stop…" I started. "And then you turned my head to look at you, and we started kissing...and then…I moved so I was facing you, and straddled your lap…" I added, quietly, and shyly.

"Go on…" Zak said softly, caught on my every word, and his thumb started lightly stroking my knee.

I felt my face flush further as a I continued.

"We continued kissing, but more passionately…and you pulled me against you and I could feel your…" I trailed off, unable to bring myself to say it.

Zak was smiling slyly and raised an eyebrow questionably.

"Feel my…?" Zak questioned, and I knew in my gut he already knew the answer, he just wanted to hear me say it.

"You know what…" I said quietly, looking at him for the first time since I had started telling him about my dream.

His eyes were dark, and were looking back at me intently.

"Tell me…" Zak insisted, almost in a demanding tone – which, for some reason, I found kind of sexy.

"…your arousal…" I said quietly, almost whispering, but somehow still had my eyes locked with his.

Zak smirked in triumph.

"There now…was that so hard?" Zak asked, purposefully emphasizing the word "hard".

"Oh god…" I muttered, unable to stop myself from laughing, as I closed my eyes in embarrassment, and unconsciously bit my lower lip.

I barely heard the very quiet groan that escaped from Zak's chest before I felt him kiss me passionately.

I had forgotten he had a thing for me biting my lip…

Despite knowing it probably wasn't the best idea, I still let myself fall into the moment by kissing him back just as passionately. With the memory of the dream fresh in my mind, it was too difficult to resist.

As our kissing intensified in passion, I moved my hands up to rest on the back of his neck. Zak - who I assumed took this as a sign to continue – moved his hand from my knee, up over my hip, and then wrapped his arm around my waist. Then he pulled me up onto my knees and over onto his lap so I was straddling him – just like I had been in my dream.

Oh no…

Our kissing became more heated, our breathing more heavier. I surprised myself when I took his lower lip between my teeth and playfully tugged on it. I heard Zak let out another quiet groan against my mouth before he pulled back, and then he leaned up and started placing hungry kisses along the skin of my neck.

I couldn't help letting out a soft moan as I leaned my head back to grant him access to my neck, pressing my chest more firmly against his in the process, my fingers slightly grasping the hair on the back of his neck.

God…feels so good…

Before my thoughts could continue, I felt Zak's hands move down my back and to my hips, and then he pulled my hips firmly against his and let out an almost animalistic groan.

I immediately knew why.

My dream had suddenly become a reality, and I could feel his arousal beneath me. Despite the small – and pleasurable – gasp that escaped my throat, my mind went into panic mode.

I moved my hands down to Zak's shoulders – hopefully a more neutral zone – and was surprised at the raspiness of my own voice when I spoke.

"Zak…I…" I breathed, my breathing still heavy.

I felt Zak's shoulders slump beneath my hands, and then he slowly pulled back from my neck.

When I could see his face, his eyes were closed, and I couldn't read his expression.

"Zak…?" I questioned quietly.

I was shocked when Zak suddenly lifted me off of his lap, and I was forced to sit back on the couch as he moved to get up.

"I think I should go," Zak said quietly, in a different tone of voice than I had heard from him before, as he stood up.

I couldn't help but notice him adjust his jeans to try to hide his arousal.

"You don't have to go-" I started softly, doing my best to keep my focus strictly on his face.

"Yes I do, I can't take this anymore!" Zak snapped, causing me to jump.

Then his words sank in, and it felt like my heart had stopped beating.

"What…?" I asked quietly, full of fear.

"This!" Zak exclaimed, motioning toward his jeans and then at me. "I swear, I'm starting to think you do this on purpose!" Zak added.

My eyes widened in shock.

"Me? You kissed-" I started, but Zak cut me off.

"Yeah I know! I asked about the dream and then I kissed you! But…fuck... we start kissing and then end up making out and then when it gets too hot to handle, you pull away! We've been dating for three weeks and I'm already losing my mind!" Zak explained, in a slightly raised voice.

I could feel my eyes welling up with tears, but I forced them back.

"I don't mean for it to happen that way…this is brand new territory for me Zak…" I said.

Zak rubbed his hand over his forehead as he seemed to visibly calm down a bit.

"I know…it's new territory for me too," Zak said.

My brow narrowed slightly and I stood up myself now.

"'New territory' for you too? As in, not getting sex when you want it?" I asked, feeling hurt at the implication.

"No! I mean…I don't mean it that way," Zak said, looking at me with part confusion, part frustration on his face.

"Then what exactly do you mean?" I asked, trying my best to remain calm.

Zak hesitated, clearly trying to find the right words to say.

"I just mean…I haven't dated a virgin before," Zak said, then started to look slightly panicked. "But I don't mean that to sound bad!" Zak quickly added.

"Well…it kinda does Zak," I said, finding myself feeling hurt, even though I knew deep down he didn't mean it the way it sounded.

"I know it sounds bad, but I'm just…being honest," Zak said, looking upset. "When you first told me you were a virgin, I meant it when I said it was okay, and that I'd wait for you," Zak explained.

"But…what? Now you've changed your mind?" I asked, feeling tears starting to well up in my eyes.

Do not cry.

"No, that's not what I'm saying. It's just…difficult sometimes…" Zak replied.

"It's not exactly easy for me either Zak," I said, not thinking my response through.

Obviously, as the less experienced one, and the one who wanted to wait, I shouldn't be the one arguing how "difficult" it was.

"Are you seri-" Zak started to say, his anger rising a bit again, but I cut him off.

"I know! Bad choice for a reply, I know!" I said. "But I still struggle too! I grew up with the choice of wanting to wait until I was married, and it was easy because I never ended up going on a single date, let alone end up being in a relationship with anyone," I started to explain.

Zak's anger disappeared again, and he seemed sad as he listened to me, and I didn't know if him feeling sad made me glad, or made me angry, but I continued with my explanation.

"Then I was in my twenties…the dating world still didn't happen. Then I turned thirty, and I convinced myself that it wasn't going to happen for me. That I wasn't attractive enough, or-" I explained, and stopped briefly when Zak cut me off.

"Ali…" Zak started, but I shook my head.

"Then I met you…and somehow we clicked almost instantly," I said. "After your little temper tantrum in the beginning…" I added, teasingly, trying to lighten the moment.

Zak laughed, and I smiled a bit.

"Then you were flirting with me…and I didn't know whether I was just imagining it, or if it was real. And then you were supportive of everything I told you, about my lack of experience…and you didn't push me, even when I was, probably lamely, attempting to flirt back…" I said, laughing a bit at myself.

"You weren't lame…" Zak said softly, and I smiled a bit.

"Then the next thing I know, we're dating…something I thought would never happen. And I'm feeling all these new emotions, and feelings…and having thoughts, and dreams...and I start acting in ways I never imagined myself acting...for example, I know this was long before we started dating…but when we filmed that vampire shoot-" I said, and Zak cut me off again.

"I get all that…but it's stuff like that – the vampire shoot – that make me think…" Zak started, but then trailed off.

"Think what?" I asked, finding myself nervous of his response.

Zak hesitated before responding.

"I wonder if…you're being honest with me…" Zak said, quietly.

I stood there for a moment, letting his words sink in.

"You…you think I'm lying about being a virgin…?" I asked, quietly, too stunned to be angry. "Why would I lie about something like that?" I added.

"I don't know, and I know that's horrible for me to think…and I'm sorry," Zak started, as he paced a bit, clearly on edge. "But…bloody hell Ali! You're beautiful, you're smart, you're funny…and you're sexy as hell!" Zak exclaimed, as if he had been holding that in for a while.

"You know I don't-" I started, quietly, but Zak cut me off.

"I know! You don't think that about yourself, but it's true! At least for me!" Zak said. "And then you – like at the vampire shoot, you dressed up hot as hell, and you let me trace my hand down the side of your body…" Zak started.

I remembered the moment well…his hand had grazed down along the side of my breast, my stomach, my hip, and then to my thigh – where he had pushed my dress up a bit to grasp it.

I felt my breathing become heavier just thinking about it.

"And there's been plenty of times since then…not quite to that extreme maybe…but we get pretty passionate," Zak said, lightly licking his lips. "And you…damn it! You turn me on like no one else has! And you certainly seem to get caught up in the moments yourself - even though you say you have no experience – and then you shut it down…and it just…it gets frustrating Ali!" Zak exclaimed, looking confused, frustrated, and upset, all at once.

I turn him on like- wait- I couldn't help thinking.

"Because it's new to me Zak!" I retorted, feeling at a loss for words. "Would you rather I didn't let you touch me at all? That I barely let you kiss me?!" I asked.

"Honestly?" Zak asked. "Sometimes, yes! At least then I wouldn't feel guilty about having this thought that you're making it up! Fuck, sometimes I even think that you're just not attracted to me and that's why you shut me down!" Zak exclaimed, and then groaned in frustration as he turned away from me slightly, looking embarrassed that he had let that slip.

Despite feeling hurt about him again bringing up his thought that I was "making it up", I felt bad that he actually thought I wasn't attracted to him. I knew all too well how much that thought could hurt.

"Zak…I am attracted to you, why would I be with you if I wasn't?" I asked.

Zak looked at me, but said nothing, and I knew why.

Past history…gold diggers…right, I thought, but also knew he wasn't implying that I was like that.

"Okay…bad question, but Zak…if I wasn't attracted to you, it would make more sense that I wouldn't want you to kiss me, or touch me. I know me being a virgin would make anyone think that I'd be uncomfortable acting sexy, or making out…but…damn you Zak for making me say it!" I said, my voice rising with frustration, and my face flush from embarrassment. "When you kiss me and touch me, I get turned on too! But I…I don't know anymore on when, or how long, I want to wait before I have sex…YOU have changed that for me! But just because I get turned on doesn't mean I'm ready right now!" I exclaimed.

Zak simply looked at me, part of me was sure that he looked like he wanted to kiss me for what I had just said, but another part of me felt it also frustrated him more to hear it.

"Yeah, well…call me when you are," Zak said, in a rather harsh, quiet tone, before he turned his back on me and headed toward the door.

I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach, and sucked all the oxygen from my body.

"So, that's all you really want from me?! Sex?!" I nearly yelled at him. "You said you meant it when you said I was 'worth the wait'?!" I added, tears welling up in my eyes now.

Zak suddenly froze in place, and then he slowly turned around to look at me, his expression completely changed – an expression of regret and pain.

"Oh god...I didn't mean that…about calling when you're ready…shit…I'm sorry, doll-" Zak started, but I couldn't accept his apology right now.

Whether he meant it or not, what he said had hurt far too much.

"Don't call me 'doll'," I said quietly, fighting back tears, but it was quickly becoming a losing battle. "Just…go…" I added, pointing at the door, tears falling down my face freely now.

"Ali…no, please, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean it," Zak said, his face full of remorse, his eyes full of pain, but I ignored it.

"Get out!" I cried, my heart breaking, but it also already felt like my heart had completely shattered at the same time.

I watched him as he closed his eyes and then opened them again, and then he turned around and walked to the front door, opened it, and walked out, softly closing the door shut behind him.

Shortly after, I heard the rev of his car's engine as he started the car, and then pulled out of the driveway.

"Ali?" I heard Cheryl's voice say, suddenly appearing at the bottom of the stairs. "What's going on?" She asked, looking concerned, despite how miserable she sounded.

I slowly shook my head, and then collapsed onto my knees. I leaned sideways until I was resting against the couch, and then just let myself cry.

Author's Note: Oh boy, this chapter was difficult to write, since it was partly personal to me.

I originally wasn't going to include this chapter, at least, not with a big blow out, but I changed my mind. If everything works according to my plans, the next update will wrap up "Angel of Light". Then I will begin writing the sequel. I know in terms of how much time has passed in the story, it may seem short, but I think it'll all work out in the end.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the update! Hopefully I'll be back sooner next time!