Chapter 45: Is It Over?: Angela

A/N: Thanks to everyone who is still on this journey with me. I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the comments and reviews. This is probably going to be the hardest episode of the series to cover since it's the most controversial. I know a lot of fans, including me, agree that while The All Nighter itself is a very strong, yet painful, episode to watch (and Judith's performance is particularly heartbreaking), it's the aftermath that was handled poorly. So, I hope I do an adequate job in showcasing what "really" happened and the fallout…

Angela didn't listen to Tony's response to their daughter; her stomach had immediately knotted up as soon as Sam said Kathleen's name. She knew there was no reason for it all these years later, but she couldn't help it. Hearing her name and just thinking about that period of time in their lives still stirred up a lot of emotions. She and Tony thoroughly talked through it years ago, and she came to see that as devastating as the whole ordeal had been, Kathleen was ultimately the catalyst that pushed them together for good. Angela realized now that even though she'd been ready for a year, no...make that three, Tony needed to go through this experience to really gain the clarity that it was only Angela he saw in his future, no matter the obstacles they might face as a couple.

Angela smiled ruefully as she remembered Tony telling her years later when Kathleen's father commented on the fact that he had a picture of Angela in his wallet; that was the moment that crystallized everything for him. He tried to deflect the question, but in his mind and even in what he had said to Kathleen later, it was obvious that his future was with her, not Kathleen.

Angela bit her lip as her thoughts returned to how the whole ordeal with Kathleen had begun. For years, she wondered about what would have happened if she hadn't pushed Tony and his study group to go to a motel, but Tony pointed out, as gently as possible, that it would have most likely still happened, just in a different way.

She remembered that next morning so well, as painful as it still was to think about. She had an inkling that something was off at breakfast when she saw Tony, but she shrugged it off. She felt bad enough about basically forcing Tony and his study group to leave, so she was delighted when she was able to get them all back over to the house that afternoon. Kathleen was the first to arrive, and after they chatted for a few minutes, she thought to herself that Kathleen was someone she could see herself being friends with. Of course, as soon as she saw the way Tony interacted with Kathleen when he saw her, she knew that would never happen. Angela remembered how her stomach dropped at the moment she realized that something had happened between Tony and Kathleen. Tony had always been a bad liar, and his words and body language that day was more than enough for Angela to understand what her best friend had been up to the night before.

After she asked to speak with him alone, and as they walked into the kitchen, she started rationalizing with herself. Surely, Tony didn't want to tear down the six years of friendship and, yes, love they had built up, not to mention everything else that had been swirling around them lately. He had intimated to her in Florida that he was ready, and they'd had an incredible night of making love. And that's what it had been; in Florida, in Brooklyn and in St. Louis. It wasn't sex; they had made love. She was certain Tony felt the same way. But they hadn't quite made it over that last hurdle of becoming a couple. So, she could somewhat understand how Tony may have let last night happen. After all, she, too, in spite of her relationship with him, had been tempted every now and again while on a business trip. They were both only human, and a simple one-night stand was so much easier to give in to than trying to continually navigate the intricate and complicated relationship they had with each other.

But then Tony punched her in the stomach with those three little words when she asked whether it was over. "I don't know," he replied, and Angela knew then their relationship was in real trouble.

She remembered sitting in her study later that day, replaying the past six years in her mind. They had carefully been building something month by month, year by year, ever since they both realized, almost as soon as Tony and Sam moved in, that there was something between them. Sure, it had taken them years to actually acknowledge it, but they had little by little. Hell, they had said, "I love you," even if it had happened when they were both unconscious. That still meant something, as did all their stolen kisses, the way they leaned on each other in the good times and bad, and of course, the way they had made love.

Angela remembered the tears trickling down her cheeks as she wondered if she just wasn't enough for Tony. How could that be with the way he looked at and responded to her when they kissed or made love? Was it, like with so many other men, that her success did ultimately intimidate him too much?

And then Tony knocked on the door to her study, and what had followed had been one of the most painful conversations of her life and of their relationship. She pulled it together but hearing Tony talk about how they knew each other better than most married people and how he didn't go looking for this to happen but felt he had to see it through almost broke her. She was grasping at straws when she mentioned that maybe this was something they needed to go through to see if they could go any further. The problem was that they had already done that; her with Geoffrey and Tony with Frankie. Sure, it had been a few years earlier, and their feelings weren't as defined then, but they were still there. However, she felt like she needed to give him and herself somewhat of an out so they didn't completely destroy the family they had built. Angela remembered thinking how ironic it was that one of their biggest fears about actually getting together might actually come true without that ever happening.

As she walked out of her study to answer the doorbell, she promised herself that she and Tony would somehow remain friends no matter how awkward things might get. And she meant what she told him. She didn't want to, no, she couldn't, lose him as her best friend. There was too much at stake.

If only she had known just how painful this whole situation would be for everyone…