Chapter 55: I Love You

"Hey, who needs a little snack?" Tony asked, rising from the floor. "I could use something since it's still going to be a little while before dinner."

"Sure, Dad; sounds good," Katie said as she got up to stretch. It was hard to believe that four hours had already gone by. She could tell that Jonathan and Sam were still just as wrapped up in listening to their parents reminisce about their past as she was.

"I'll help," Angela said, getting up and following Tony into the kitchen.

"Everything ok?" she asked as soon as they were alone.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just wanted to make sure you were. I know what happened with Billy can still be hard to talk about even after all these years, especially since we tried not to let it show around Sam and Jonathan back then," Tony said, pulling Angela into a tight hug.

"Oh, Tony," Angela said, squeezing him a little tighter. "Per usual, you read my mind. It is still painful to think about and talk about, but it's a big part of our story and what ultimately gave us that final push."

"That's true," Tony responded as he thought back to what was supposed to be an idyllic summer. And, it had started out that way…

They were thrilled that neither Sam nor Jonathan would be working away from home this summer. Even with Sam living in the dorm, it felt like they were finally back to being the family they had been for so many years. And, with the addition of Billy, it felt like their family was complete. They also knew where they were headed in their relationship and that it was only a matter of time before they got there.

Tony and Angela relished in taking Billy to the beach as well as in watching him excel on the Fairfield Country Club's swim team and enjoy all the other summer activities of a typically rambunctious six-year-old. In less than a year, Billy had worked his way into both their hearts, and there was no doubt that he was now "their" child.

So, it came as a shock to them about halfway through the summer, as they were doing one of their regularly scheduled visits with Billy's grandmother, when she announced that she wanted Billy to return to living with her. Her hip had healed much better than the doctors originally thought it would, and she felt she was up to resuming the raising of her grandson. At first, Tony and Angela were vehemently against it, but they had to admit they could see how much she loved being around her only grandchild. Mrs. Rossini also confirmed that Mrs. Napoli talked about him all the time, literally counting down the days between his visits.

Tony and Angela thought about fighting her at first, knowing that they could probably win in court, but in the end, and with Mrs. Rossini's promise to keep a close eye on the situation, they had decided that giving him up was the right thing to do. The only thing they asked in return was to still be a part of Billy's life, and Mrs. Napoli kept her promise. Billy continued to spend time with them over the years, especially in the summers, until he became an adult, and they forged the relationship they had with him now.

Tony immediately thought about how painful the first few nights had been after they'd dropped Billy and all of his things back with his grandma in Brooklyn. The ride home had been silent with Tony reaching over to squeeze Angela's hand reassuringly every now and then.

It was late by the time they pulled into the driveway and realized how completely emotionally exhausted they were. Angela had gone ahead upstairs while Tony locked up and organized things for tomorrow morning's breakfast. It was only when he was in the upstairs hallway, about to open the door to his room, that he heard her crying. He realized, though, it wasn't coming from her bedroom but rather from Billy's.

"Angela," Tony said softly as he turned on Billy's bedside lamp to reveal Angela lying across Billy's bed, her face buried in his pillow.

"I'm sorry, Tony," Angela said as she tried to get her tears under control. "I thought I could hold it together but coming up here and walking by his room…It's all just too much. I know we'll still see him, but he was ours, Tony. He helped bring us back together after everything that happened last year, and I was so looking forward to raising him with you."

"I know, Angela," Tony said, sitting down on the edge of the bed next to her as tears welled up in his own eyes. "I thought of him as ours as well. I mean, when you agreed to help me raise him, I can't tell you how happy that made me, especially with everything we were still going through back then."

"Tony," Angela said softly as she sat next to him on the bed, looking down at her hands. "I, I meant what I started to say that day at the hospital…if we were to have a child…I would want him to be exactly like Billy. I mean for a boy, at least. Now, he and that dream are gone, and I feel so empty."

Tony turned and tipped Angela's chin up so her eyes were looking directly into his before saying, "Angela, I know we're both feeling a little bit lost right now, but I have faith that we're still headed in the right direction. I think the nun finally put some air in that flat tire. Who knows what might be possible in the future?"

"You're right. It just hurts so much right now."

"I know it does, but Billy will be a part of our lives forever, and I'm grateful for that."

Tony looked down at his watch and noticed that it was a little after midnight.

"Angela, we should really get some sleep. You have work tomorrow, and I need to spend some serious time working on my paper for that summer class I'm taking."

Angela sighed before allowing Tony to pull her to her feet and into an embrace.

"Tony, I, I um, I don't want to be alone tonight," Angela said softly after awhile, biting her lip.

"What are you saying?" Tony asked with a hint of surprise in his voice.

"No, nothing like that. I mean, Jonathan is across the hall, and we're still finding our way, especially now that we have to do it without Billy. But I felt so safe and content sleeping next to you on the train…" Angela said, her voice trailing off.

After Tony gave a soft nod, Angela took his hand and led him into her bedroom. They were both so exhausted that they didn't care about changing out of their clothes or going through any of their normal bedtime routines. Tony laid down on his back, and Angela quickly laid her head on his chest as his steady breathing lulled her to sleep.

"That had to be so hard losing Billy," Katie said, bringing Angela and Tony back to the present. They had settled back into the chair and on the floor as they haltingly relayed this part of their story.

"It was," Angela said, taking a deep breath. "But I was so lucky to have your dad there to help me through it," she continued as she squeezed Tony's shoulder.

"We were both lucky," Tony said, smiling at his wife. "It was very difficult, but every time I got down about it, Angela was there to pick me up and vice-versa."

"And ultimately, we ended up spending a lot of alone time together that summer which turned out to be exactly what we needed," Angela said as a slight blush crept across her cheeks.

"I remember," Sam said. "You two were always off doing something together. I guess I didn't realize at the time that you were trying to fill the void that Billy left."

"That was definitely part of it," Angela said. "But we also needed to lean on each other and wanted to continue to rebuild our friendship to get to the point where we could take that next step."

"Ah, yes," Sam said with a smirk. "That brings us to the night of the carnival, doesn't it?"

Tony immediately looked up at Angela as the tips of his ears turned red. He still felt like an idiot for how badly he had botched things the night of their anniversary. He remembered thinking about how special this anniversary was going to be because he knew he and Angela were on the verge of giving in to what they were finally both ready for. Even though they'd always couched it in the fact that it was the family's anniversary, everyone knew deep down, the anniversary belonged to Tony and Angela, really ever since the second one. Tony still wondered sometimes what would have happened had his appendix not chosen the exact wrong moment to burst.

But now, here they were about to celebrate the seventh anniversary of their coming together as a family, and his relationship with Angela had never been stronger. He knew all that was needed for them to take that next step was to admit their true feelings. However, he couldn't help but still feel some of that nervousness that he'd carried around for years about what would happen if it didn't work out, and even though he was in college and had a career path, whether he was good enough for her.

Tony desperately wanted to give Angela a present that showed her how he felt, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. So, in the end, he had settled on the ridiculous sheepskin seat covers. He had rationalized it by deciding it was something that she would appreciate since she had commented on how much she liked the ones he had in his Jeep.

For her part, Angela had finally reached the point of no return. As she had told the salesman at the jewelry store, she and Tony had grown so much closer lately, a lot of it driven by the need to lean on each other to get through losing Billy. They were a couple in almost every sense of the word, and it was time to take that final step. When the salesman kiddingly asked her if they had met at camp, that was the final sign from the universe that she needed. While she still didn't like the idea of being the one to have to say it or even spell it out first, it was time.

Looking back now, Angela was still amazed at how the night had ended after it started off so poorly. She hated the fact that she had apologized to Tony for letting her expectations get out of hand after he had made that leap into her swan boat in the Tunnel of Love ride. She was feeling vulnerable after having given Tony the watch and decided she needed to backpedal as had happened so many times before when one of them went "too far" in admitting how they really felt.

But then, everything changed. Although it wasn't the way she had envisioned it happening, Tony finally said those three little words that neither one of them had been able to say to the other while conscious or without doing it in that special code language they had. He had said, "I love you," and he'd said it first. To this day, her heart still swelled whenever she thought about it.

Angela remembered how they had barely noticed all the lights being turned off on the ride as they were so engrossed in kissing each other that they didn't want to come up for air. Eventually, though, one of the carnival workers found them and forced them out of the boat.

The next thing she knew, they were sitting in Tony's Jeep, hands clasped together tightly, just staring at each other; grateful that Sam had left a note on Tony's windshield writing that she had taken Mona and Jonathan home.

"Did that really just happen, Tony?" Angela asked as a broad smile spread across her face.

"It did," Tony said, squeezing her hand. "I'm sorry it took me so long and that I just blurted it out like that. I guess we've never done things the traditional way, so why start now?" he finished as he leaned over to give her another long, lingering kiss.

Eventually, Angela pulled back, Tony started the car, and they headed towards home. They were both still in such a state of shock that they spent the drive just smiling, laughing and holding hands across the console.

Tony cut the engine as they pulled into the driveway at 3344 Oak Hills Drive.

"Now what?" Angela asked as a smile played across her lips.

"I don't know," Tony answered sheepishly. "I guess we make our own rules now. Ay-oh-oh-ay though, it's past time that I asked you on a real date, and definitely not to a comedy club. Tomorrow night?"

Angela smiled even as a nagging thought permeated in her mind about some type of obligation she already had for tomorrow. She couldn't, or didn't want to remember what it was, and was sure she could find a way to get out of it, so she smiled and pecked Tony on the lips in response.

"But what about the rest of tonight?" Angela asked, arching her eyebrow suggestively as they opened the back door and walked into the darkened kitchen.

Taking a deep breath as he turned on the kitchen light, Tony turned to her and responded, "I know we both want to do this right, and the right way to end this evening is through this door." He immediately opened the door to the living room, switched on one of the lamps, and headed over to the CD player.

"I can't think of a better nightcap. Well, I can, but you're right," Angela said, blushing. "We need to do this the right way, and with Jonathan upstairs, I don't think I, I mean, we, well, one step at a time."

"Exactly," Tony said, taking her in his arms as the first notes of "It Had to be You" started playing.

It felt so safe and so right to be in Tony's arms, just like it had so many times before. As he leaned in to kiss her, she couldn't help but grin that this was real and there would be no turning back or pretending it didn't happen. Her dream had become reality.

Eventually, Angela pulled back after hearing the mantle clock strike 1am, and she realized how exhausted yet unbelievably happy she was.

Giving Tony one last kiss, Angela started to make her way up the stairs. Turning around, she looked back at him and, without hesitation, said what she had longed to say for years, "I love you, Tony."

"I love you too, Angela."