Chapter 9

When Joy entered Thompkins's, he went towards her to hug her: "How nice to see you here Joy, I'm happy that all the charges against Buck have been dropped. I didn't believe even for a moment what was said against him."

"Thank you Mr Thompkins and I'm sorry I lost days of work. I'm ready to make up for all the lost hours"

"But don't joke Joy, if you had shown up here, I would have kicked you out. You had to take care of Buck. At work now, you'll see how many people come just to gossip. If you need to kick out some intrusive person, call me!"

"I am infinitely grateful to you." Thompson smiled at her.

In fact, that morning many onlookers came to ask Joy for explanations about what happened but she didn't need Thompkins' help: she knew how to put all the onlookers in their place and Thompkins was very proud of her.

When Buck arrived at the station he found everyone waiting for him, except the Kid who was out on his shift.

"Good morning guys, I promise you that I will cover many of your shifts to make up for the work you have done for me"

"Don't even tell Buck", Lou replied, "we're a family and we help each other in times of need. Everything OK?"

"Yes, I'm fine thanks. I just want to leave it all behind"

"Maybe not at all…I'm sure you don't want to forget this night…", Cody joked.

Buck expected it, but he didn't get angry, on the contrary, he spoke frankly: "No, Cody, not this night, I'll never forget it" and made it clear that the conversation was over there.

He went out with the boys and resumed his job at the station. At lunchtime he fetched Joy and with an excuse was left alone with Thompkins for a moment.

"I wanted to thank you for what you do for Joy. She considers you like a father and that's why I want to ask you for her hand. I know it's early, that we've only just met, but this experience has made us realize that we want a life together. I will wait for the right moment and officially ask her to be my wife, but I want your blessing."

Thompkins almost moved, cleared his throat and replied: "Of course, Buck. Despite our past misunderstandings, I have come to appreciate you and Joy is lucky to be your wife, with all the difficulties you will have, because you know you will, but you will overcome them together. Good luck son" and shook his hand.

Joy came back in just then and asked: "What's going on?"

"Oh nothing, I was just thanking Thompkins for letting you be around me", Buck replied.

"Yes, that's right, thank you Mr. Thompkins, I will never stop being grateful"

"Come on, go to lunch and let's stop with all this fuss" and dismissed them. When they were out, he wiped away a tear he'd been holding back until then.

Life resumed peacefully for everyone and Buck began to frequent the doctor's office again and to read the books he lent him. It happened more and more often that people asked him for advice and he was very good. Joy sometimes came back to the subject trying to convince him to study medicine, but Buck was against it, that was fine.

The day after the trial, he had gone to a shop to buy the ring for Joy: now he was just waiting for the right moment to officially propose to her.

As often happens, however, man proposes and God disposes, indeed, in Buck's case, the past….

One day, while they were all having dinner at the station, Noah returned from his run and brought with him a letter for Buck.

"For me? Are you sure? I don't know anyone, unless it's Jenny, Thompkins' daughter, but she has never written to me."

"Does Thompson have a daughter?", Joy asked in amazement.

"Yes, strange, we never told you about it. I'll do it later, now let me see who texts me, I'm curious"

He opened the envelope and gasped when he saw the signature. He exclaimed incredulously: "Camille!"

"Who's Camille?", Noah asked, interpreting everyone's thoughts.

Buck turned to Joy and said: "Remember that girl I told you about? The one that was taken from our camp?"

"Yes, the girl destined to become your wife. Is that her?" Joy asked as she felt a bad feeling.

The others looked at each other without speaking.

Buck meanwhile quickly skimmed the letter and then replied: "Yes, she writes that she read about the trial against me, so she wrote to let me know that she will come here to see me in a few weeks….. oh, passing through Saint Joseph where will marry. From the date she should be here in days"

When Joy heard about Camille's wedding she breathed a sigh of relief but couldn't calm down completely.

"I think you owe a few people some explanations, Buck Cross", Jimmy declared.

"Yeah", he replied and started talking first about Camille and then informed Joy about Thompkins' daughter. Joy was very saddened by his loss and understood his aversion to the Indians. His wife had been taken prisoner of the Lakota and when she was freed, Thompkins disowned her because she had been the chieftain's wife. When she regretted it, it was too late: she had died trying to protect her daughter Jenny from Black Wolf, the warrior promised to her but who had killed some of her friends.

Buck excused himself and went out onto the porch to calmly read Camille's letter. Joy's heart was racing and Rachel noticed. While they were arranging the dishes, she said to her: "Don't worry Joy, she's just an old friend"

"Who he would have married if she hadn't been kidnapped. I saw how his gaze lit up…"

"Buck loves you, you don't have to fear anything and then she's getting married"

"And theoretically me too…"

"What? Did he propose to you?" Rachel asked in amazement.

Joy immediately regretted letting her slip away and hurried to shut Rachel up: "Schhhh! Nobody knows and neither should you! It's not official yet, Buck wants to propose to me properly, but on the day of the trial, when we went for a picnic, he told me he wants to marry me as soon as possible, he's just waiting for the canonical times set for the courtship, he wants do things right"

"But it's great, I'm so happy for you. You see? You don't have to worry about this Camille"

Joy nodded unconvinced. When she finished in the kitchen, she joined Buck on the porch.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, it's just that I'm still stunned, a letter from Camille is the last thing I would have expected"

"Are you happy to see her again?"

"Yes, I have so many things to ask her and a weight on my conscience to lift"

"But it wasn't your fault what happened"

"But if I had been there…"

"Maybe they would have killed you and we would never have met"

"Or maybe…bah, you're right, needless to ask. Shall I walk you home or do you want to stay a little longer?"

"No, let's go home."

Buck's maybe had cut into her like a knife.

Buck behaved as usual with her. He took her home and they made love, but Joy realized that something was different, Buck seemed distracted and knew very well why…

About a week later, Camille arrived in town with her boyfriend Billy.

They arrived in the evening, at dinner time, when Joy was at the station as usual.

"Camille, nice to see you again", Buck walked up to her.

"Buck, how nice!" and they embraced. A pang shot into Joy's heart. Lou squeezed her arm.

"How are you? I thought we would never see each other again! But what's on your head here?"

"Oh nothing, it's just a scratch, I fell last night. Meet Billy, my boyfriend"

"Hello Billy, I'm Buck Cross"

"I know who you are" and squeezed his hand gingerly. Buck raised an eyebrow in surprise but said nothing.

"Buck, maybe your friends need a place to stay", Rachel suggested.

"We'll be fine at the hotel, thanks", Billy said.

"Can you at least stay for dinner, so you can meet my friends and Joy, my girlfriend"

Joy was glad, she was afraid Buck would forget about her now that Camille had arrived.

"How nice, you have a girlfriend! And who is she?"

Buck turned to Joy and motioned her forward: "She is Joy, my reason for living."

Joy beamed and at the same time there was relief in Billy's eyes.

Buck introduced everyone else as well and then they went inside to have dinner.

Camille and Buck reminisced about the years they had spent together, Buck told her how he had met Joy, and Billy outlined their plans for the future. Buck asked Camille why she wanted to live in the city since she had always loved the outdoors and Billy pointed out that people change. Suddenly Camille fainted and Buck and Billy rushed to support her. Kid went to get the doctor while Buck tried to examine her, but Billy stopped him.

"Buck often helps the doctor, he's very good", Joy intervened but Billy was adamant: "I want to wait for the doctor".

Buck stepped aside. When the doctor arrived, Camille was brought into the office. After examining her, the doctor invited Buck to come in because Camille spoke strange words. Buck said it was an ancient Indian language but he didn't understand what it meant.

Billy spent the night at his bedside and Joy decided to stay at the station to keep Buck company who couldn't sleep a wink.

"I can't lose her now that I've found her, not again", Buck told Joy.

"You will see that you won't lose her, have faith" and she tried to console him as best she could. In her heart she felt that he was moving away from her.

The next morning Buck went to the doctor where Billy not very politely told him not to get in the way.

"I don't want to cause trouble Billy, I just want to know how she is and help"

"Stay away from her, I don't like your Indian ways"

Buck walked away embittered. By chance he met an old Indian who asked him if he really wanted to help Camille.

"And what do you know about it?" he asked in amazement.

"Is she saying these words?" and said some things in the Indian language.

"How do you know it?"

"Your friend is in grave danger, her soul is about to be stolen by an evil spirit. For 50 dollars I can take you to a wise old man who can help you"

Buck was skeptical at first, but wondering how the old man could know what Camille was saying, decided to take the help.

They agreed for the same evening: they would take Camille and bring her to the chief White Feather.

At dinner, Joy said she would stay with Buck that night as well but he tried to push her away saying it wasn't necessary, that he was fine.

Joy noticed his strange attitude and after he had driven her home, she went out to follow him. She saw that he met with an old Indian, who entered the doctor's office and left with Camille. She rushed to get a horse from the station stable and followed the three from a distance.

After a very complicated journey, they arrived at an Indian cemetery and Buck stopped short. The old man revealed to him that he was White Feather and that he had to decide whether to continue or not.

"I don't know if I'm worthy and capable, I'm only half Kiowa"

"How do you feel about her? Do you have a strong motivation? If so, you could do it"

"I love her" and in that moment he heard behind him: "Buck no!"

He turned around and saw Joy with tears in her eyes.

"Joy, what are you doing here? Why did you follow us?"

"Boy there is no time, you have to choose!"

"Go, don't worry about me, save her," Joy told him.

"Joy…."

She turned her horse and ran away. Buck could feel her pain. He knew he had broken her heart and he had to explain those words to her, but now he had to save Camille. He hoped it wasn't too late for both women he loved, albeit in different ways.

He continued with White Feather and did all the necessary ritual to save Camille. It was a tough fight against dark forces, but the next morning Camille was safe and sound and White Feather was back in his world.

Meanwhile, Billy had arrived at the station in the morning and had not found Camille at the doctor's and the doctor's daughter had told him about an old Indian who had entered the office. Noah, Lou and the Kid accompanied Billy in search of Buck and Camille, to prevent Billy from doing something stupid. Lou had gone to Joy to warn her but hadn't found her and was afraid something serious had happened.

Buck and Camille talked about what had happened and Buck opened his heart to her.

"You don't have to feel guilty about what happened years ago Buck, it was our destiny. I am convinced that even if you had saved me, we would not have ended up together, we were destined for different places with different people. Go back to Joy and be happy with her".

Yeah, Joy. He had broken her heart and he didn't know if things would ever be more the same. In that moment he knew he couldn't lose her, that he had to explain his feelings to her and that he had to apologize to her.

Joy, after running away from Buck, couldn't stop. Buck's words rang in her ears and soul. What had she been to him? What was their relationship? She didn't stop until the exhausted horse fell to the ground. She helped him up, tied him up and fell asleep on the grass in tears. The next morning she resumed her run, determined to go home, to get her things, to write a letter to her friends and one to Thompkins and to go away. It was Monday morning, the shop would be closed and they would only notice her absence in the afternoon. She had plenty of time to leave without anyone noticing. On the road she saw the group formed by Billy, Lou, Kid and Noah in the distance. She changed her path so as not to be seen.

When she got home, she gathered her things, wrote the two letters which she left on the table in the hall, took up her horse and headed towards Seneca. Mrs. Swanson saw her riding fast with the purse and shook her head. Her heart bled as she galloped towards she didn't know which life. Nothing made sense without him. Memories invaded her head and heart and she couldn't breathe. She just wanted to get as far away from that pain as possible.

Buck and Camille met the others on their way back. They explained what had happened and Billy apologized to Buck.

"Buck, Joy wasn't home this morning", Lou said.

"I know, she followed me. I have to find her Lou"

"Go Buck, run and find her", Camille told him.

They said goodbye, and after wishing each other good luck, Buck set off in a fury towards Rock Creek.

The others went to bury, at Billy's request, the Indian that he and Camille had inadvertently killed and who had triggered everything that had happened. It was White Feather.

Buck ran to Rachel first: "Rachel did you see Joy this morning?"

"No Buck, I haven't seen her since the other night and I'm very worried. What happened?"

"No time now to explain, I have to find her. If she comes here, detain her in any way"

Rachel nodded and Buck flew to Joy's house. He knocked but received no answer. He took the key that the woman was hiding at the entrance and entered. He called her insistently but she didn't answer. It was then that he noticed the two letters on the table. He took the one addressed to the couriers and Rachel and read it: it said that her place was no longer there, that she could not stay now that she had lost him. She didn't know where she would go, she begged them not to look for her but to always remember the love she had for them.

Buck felt the letter slip from his hands and his heart was pierced by an immense pain. It couldn't end like this, he had to find her, he had to explain those hurriedly spoken words.

He recovered and stormed out. He was met by Mrs Swanson who said to him: "She took her things and ran away, she went in that direction. I didn't bail you out to see you break her heart, run fast boy"

Buck thanked her and hurried in the direction indicated by the woman. He hoped Joy was heading towards Seneca, it was the only place she had known since arriving in America. He hoped to make her in time, to reach her and stop her. He couldn't imagine being without her.

Joy spurred the horse as hard as she could, but she asked too much and found the animal beginning to give way. She didn't want to stop, she couldn't, she had to leave and get away before someone reached her. However, she decided to stop to let the animal take a breath. She sat down by a tree and thought over her history with Buck. How had she not noticed that his feelings weren't as deep as hers? He said he loved her, he had told her he wanted a family with her but as soon as the woman he was supposed to marry in the camp arrived he had forgotten her. He probably didn't really love her, you can't erase deep and sincere feelings so quickly. Those words rang in her ears and felt like a boulder on her heart. She wept bitterly until she had no more tears. When she thought the horse had had enough rest, she remounted and continued her run.

This pause allowed Buck to shorten the distance. He galloped as fast as lightning, exhausting his horse too. At one point he saw dust from afar that signaled a rider. He prayed to the gods that it was her. He spurred his horse even more to shorten the distance. He came closer and realized it was her.

He started yelling her name, to no avail at first, but then he saw her turn away.

"Joy, please stop, we need to talk, please let me at least explain."

Joy had heard someone coming up behind her and cursed herself for stopping. At first she heard a distant voice, which then grew closer and clearer. She heard Buck yelling her name. She instinctively turned around and saw him. Her heart skipped a beat. She didn't stop, she didn't answer him, but he continued to gain ground. Suddenly, in an attempt to make her horse go faster, he bumped it against a branch on the ground and they both fell.

Buck saw her fall and felt a thrill of fear. He spurred his horse and managed to reach her and calm and stop the animal.

"Joy, honey, are you okay? Answer me"

He took her unconscious between his arms: he looked at her face and his blood froze. He saw the face dirty with earth and tears, the eyes swollen from crying and he cursed himself. How could he have hurt her so much?

He caressed her, took the canteen and dabbed her face with water. Slowly he saw her open her eyes.

"How are you dear? How are you feeling?"

She coughed a little, focused her eyes and when she realized she was in his arms she tried to wriggle away.

"Stop Joy, don't move, you fell and we need to figure out if you broke something"

She didn't answer but looked away. Buck set her down, took his blanket and put it under her head.

"Now sit still and let me see if everything's okay."

Joy didn't move and didn't answer.

Buck examined her carefully and finally a smile appeared on his lips.

"You are a strong girl, you only have a few scratches but luckily nothing is broken. Even your face hasn't banged, you won't have visible bruises"

Joy didn't answer. Buck made her drink some water, then took her in his arms and said: "We need to talk Joy"

For the first time she decided to speak: "Go away Buck, we have nothing more to say to each other. Go to her"

"I don't want to go to her, I want you"

She turned her eyes away.

"Let me explain Joy, I know my words hurt you deeply, but I want to explain the meaning, it's not like you think"

"Those words are unequivocal Buck, there is nothing to explain"

"And yet yes. I only ask that you listen and then you will make your decision"

She didn't answer and didn't move. Buck took this as an invitation to speak.

"Camille was in grave danger, that man told me that her body had been kidnapped by an evil spirit and that it was necessary to quickly celebrate a rite to save her". He took a breath and then continued.

We got to the Indian cemetery and I froze, fearing that being a half-breed I wouldn't be able to help and save her. White Veather asked me how I felt about her to understand if my feelings could fill my absence. I used the wrong words, I should have explained my feelings better, but I used the fastest words so as not to waste time. If I had known of your presence, I would have explained myself differently."

Joy turned to him, but didn't speak. Buck was reassured when he saw her eyes fixed on his and continued: "Those words meant that I love Camille like an old friend, like a woman with whom I shared my childhood and many happy moments, like a sister. It's a deep love but that I could also feel for my brother Red Bear or for Jimmy or for Lou. It's not the love I feel for you. It's true, I came close to marrying her and wondered what would have happened if she hadn't been taken away, but we both understand now that we were meant for other people, she for Billy and me for you. Those words meant all of this, but I didn't have time, I had to save her."

He fell silent and looked at her intently.

Joy held her gaze for a while without speaking, then let out a sigh and said: "Are you being honest? Do I have to believe you? I would like to do it, but I'm too afraid of suffering"

"You have to believe me. Tell me what I can do to show you that I'm sincere and I will. There is no one more important than you in my world. Please, let's not throw everything away, let's keep planning our life together"

Joy looked into Buck's eyes, read his soul and said to him: "Swear you won't make me feel like this again, swear you won't break my heart again"

Buck kissed her hands and replied: "I swear Joy, I will no longer keep you out of my life, I will involve you even in the most trivial things and we will always decide together what and how to do"

"Do you swear to me?"

"Yes darling, about my gods and the love I had for Ike"

Joy believed him and smiled at him. That smile was like balm for Buck's heart who hugged her and kissed her passionately.

"Let's go home Joy"

She nodded and was helped to get up. Buck put her on his horse, tied up Joy's, and they rode home.

She leaned against Buck's chest and fell asleep exhausted but peaceful. Buck kissed her and stroked her hair and promised himself never to be in a similar situation again.

When he arrived at Joy's house, she was still asleep. He picked her up and carried her to her room.

He stayed to watch her until she woke up, it was almost two in the afternoon.

"How are you honey?" he asked lovingly.

"A little sore but fine. What time is it?"

"Almost two o'clock"

"I have to get up, at 3 I have to be at the store"

"Are you kidding? After everything you've been through, I won't let you go to the store."

"I have to go Buck, I have already lost many days because of your trial, I don't want Thompkins to think I am taking advantage of it"

"I'll explain what happened"

"No, please Buck, I need to get back to normal"

"Are you sure?"

She nodded.

Buck made her promise not to get too tired and said: "But tonight you'll let yourself be pampered. I will cook you dinner and serve you like a queen"

"Okay" and smiled at him.

"Buck…"

"Tell me, honey"

"You promise me right? You will no longer exclude me from your life"

"I swear, I don't want to risk losing you again" and he kissed her forehead.

"Now get ready if you really want to go to work. While you get dressed, I'll prepare some sandwiches to eat"

Joy thanked him and watched him walk out of the room. She wanted badly to believe what Buck had said to her and hoped in her heart that she hadn't made a mistake. Only time would prove her right.

When she went down to the kitchen, Buck had sandwiches and lemonade ready. They ate, and then Buck took her to the general store. He kissed her and told her he'd be waiting for her at closing time to walk her home.

Joy returned his kiss and entered.

Buck walked to the station. He realized only then that everyone else had no idea where they were or what was happening.

When he arrived, they all ran up to him and besieged him with questions. Rachel intervened to calm the spirits: "Plenty, choke him, let him breathe and he'll tell us everything"

Buck thanked her and they headed into the bunkhouse. He explained what had happened with Camille and Joy's escape. He assured that she was fine and that things had worked out for the best.

"I really feared losing them both, one to a supernatural event and the other to my own stupidity"

"You've done everything you could for both of them, Buck, you're a wonderful man", Rachel told him.

Buck blushed and said: "I just want Joy to understand that I love her more than my life."

"She knows it in her heart", Lou told him.

Buck washed and lay down to get some rest, all the strain and weariness attacking him.

After recovering, he went to Joy's house to prepare everything needed for dinner. He wanted it to be a special evening. He stopped to get some flowers and set the table.

Then he went to get Joy.

"How are you dear? Do you have any pain?"

"I'm fine Buck, thanks. Let's go home"

He took her by the arm and they headed home. Buck stopped her in the doorway and told her to wait outside for a moment. Joy looked at him questioningly and he replied, "Trust me."

After a few moments, he opened the door for her and said: "Please madame"

Joy entered and gasped: Buck had placed some scented candles on the sideboard and in the middle of the table there were flowers and a lit lamp.

"Take a seat honey, tonight is all for you"

Joy came in and kissed him. She only managed to say: "Thank you."

Buck sat her down and began serving dinner. He had cooked some Kiowa vegetable dishes as well as some chicken and potatoes.

Joy wanted to help him but he was adamant. When they were both at table, Buck said to her: "I want everything to be as it was between us, Joy, better than before. I wish you didn't hold a grudge against me and that you could trust me again like before. We've come a long way to get here and this has to be a new beginning."

"I believe you Buck, I feel all the love and devotion you feel towards me and I know I am very lucky to have you in my life. I really want this to be a new beginning."

Buck smiled huge, got up, walked over to her and said: "I was hoping to hear you say those words."

Then he knelt down, took a small red velvet bag from his pocket, took out a ring and brought it to Joy's finger asking her: "Joy, do you want to be my wife?"

Joy looked at him in disbelief and with tears in her eyes. She was silent for a few moments, a silence that weighed on Buck's heart like a boulder, then she replied: "Yes, with all my heart."

Buck heaved a sigh of relief and with tears in his eyes put the ring on her finger. He stood up and the two kissed passionately.

"I was waiting for the right moment and none seems more appropriate to me than this", he told her.

Joy pulled him back to her, kissed him and guided him upstairs. They undressed each other and enjoyed their love. When they lay down next to each other, he said to her: "I would like to see you like this every day, wearing only my ring"

"And so it will be every night! But now I'm hungry, I want to taste what you have prepared for me"

"You're right, we left everything on the table..."

"Well, it was worth it", she said with a smile.

They went downstairs and had dinner planning their future life. When they had finished, they went back to the room and made love all night.

No one at the station expected Buck to return that night.