Chapter 11
Buck returned the next day about dinner time. He had tried to put his heart in order but had not succeeded. He didn't know what to think and what he felt. He just wanted to be with Joy.
"Rider coming", Noah yelled to warn Cody of Buck's arrival. The boy immediately came out ready to receive the bag from his companion.
"How's it going mate?", Noah asked.
"I really don't know Noah, I don't know. Now I just want to go to Joy.".
Noah didn't answer, knowing the evening was going to be difficult for both of them. The night before Joy had told of meeting Buck's father and everyone was aware that he would not have taken it well at all.
Noah offered to fix his friend's horse. Buck came in to say hello and said he wanted to join Joy right away. He washed, changed and went to her.
As soon as he was gone, Noah communicated to the others what they had just said. Everyone hoped it would end well.
Joy was very nervous. She knew Buck would be arriving at any moment and wanted to find the most appropriate way to approach the conversation. Dinner was ready and she was arranging the last things in the kitchen when she heard a knock.
"Who is it?" she asked.
"Buck" was heard to answer.
"It's open darling, come in, how many times have I already told you that you don't have to knock, this house will soon be yours too" and she left the kitchen to meet him.
"You're right, I still have to get used to the idea", he replied as he took her in his arms.
"I missed you so much, I couldn't wait to run to you" and he kissed her.
"I missed you a lot too. How are you?" and in the meantime made him sit down at the table.
"I don't know Joy, I don't know if I'm more dumbfounded or furious."
Meanwhile, Joy had gone to the kitchen to get the already hot dishes.
"Have you made a decision?" she asked him as she sat down at the table.
"There is no decision to make. I don't want to see that man again."
"But Buck…"
"There is no but Joy, I already told you"
"I understand you, but don't you want to know the whole story?"
"For what? To bring up painful memories and explode all the hatred I feel for him?"
"No, but to get a complete picture of the story"
"I already have my mother's version and that's enough for me"
"Yes, but could you know something more that would help you understand"
"There's nothing to understand, it's the usual story of a bloody white man who takes by force everything he wants without thinking about the consequences of his actions"
"What if it doesn't?"
"Joy, which side are you on?" Buck said, banging his fork on his plate.
Joy decided she couldn't put it off any longer, she had to tell him about the meeting with his father.
"I'm on your side and that's why in your absence I went to talk to your father", she said in one breath waiting for Bcuk's explosion of anger.
"What have you done? But are you crazy?"
"I'm not crazy, I just want to help you and I got his side of the story"
"How dare you? You know I don't want to have any relationship with that disgusting being"
"I just want to help you understand and process what happened"
Buck stood up furious.
"You shouldn't have allowed yourself to meddle in this story! You have no right"
Now it was Joy who was furious.
"Don't I have the right? Of course I have! In a few weeks you will be my husband and your choices will fall on our family!"
"You should have talked to me first!"
"And you would have stopped me from doing it"
"Absolutely yes!"
"That's why I did it in your absence"
"You shouldn't have done such a thing without my knowledge. You know how I feel about that man. You stabbed me in the back!"
"No I didn't! Please let me talk"
"I don't think there's anything more to say"
"Buck!"
"I can't trust you anymore, not after what you did"
"Listen to me please"
"No, don't look for me" and headed for the door.
Joy preceded him and ran to stand in front of the door.
"I won't let you leave until you listen to me"
"Get out of there Joy, I don't want to listen to you"
"Oh and you will. Remember when you chased me after the episode with Camille? I didn't want to listen to you either, but you convinced me to. You asked me to let you talk and then I would make my decision. Now I ask you to do the same"
Buck calmed down for a moment. What Joy had told him was true. She had given him the opportunity to explain himself and therefore he owed it to her too.
"Alright, let's hear what you have to say"
"Let's sit down please" and guided him to the sofa.
Joy told him about meeting his father and summarized his story. Buck clenched his fists as he heard that story and his pain exploded back through him."
"All of this proves that the man is contemptible"
"Yes, but in this way you have the complete vision of what happened"
"And what am I supposed to do with it? Should I forgive him just because he has repented and excuses himself with alcohol?"
"I'm not saying that Buck, but I think you need to have a confrontation with him to finally resolve things. Yell your contempt in his face, but don't ignore your pain."
"This will never happen"
"Please Buck, try to understand why I did this, I just wanted to help you put the pieces together"
"No one asked you"
"I know, but I followed my heart"
"And you were wrong this time, you were deeply wrong" and got up from the sofa and headed for the door.
"Where you go now?"
"I need to get out of here, I need to think"
" At what?"
"To everything, to us, to my disappointment"
"To us?"
"Yes. You have deeply disappointed me with this action of yours"
"But…"
"Goodnight Joy" and went out slamming the door.
Joy froze in front of the closing door. Buck didn't understand why she had done it. The eyes filled with tears. She withdrew the two plates that had hardly even been touched. She saved the food and went to her room. She got into bed and prayed that her marriage hadn't been jeopardized. She knew she had done the right thing, but it was up to Buck to figure it out. She didn't close her eyes all night.
Buck returned to the station but did not enter the bunkhouse, did not want to talk to anyone and was too tired to ride again. He retired to the stable but was shortly joined by Teaspoon.
"Go away Teaspoon, I want to be alone"
"Sometimes it's good to let off steam"
"Not to me"
"I know why you are like this, Joy immediately came to me to tell me about meeting your father"
"Don't call it that please"
"As you like son but that's not the point"
"In fact, the point is that she cheated on me"
"Joy?"
"Yes"
"And why the hell would she have done that?"
"She went to him without my knowledge and knowing my opinion on the matter"
"Son, that girl loves you to death and can't see you suffer"
"Strange way to show it. I don't feel like talking about it Teaspoon"
"Okay, then I'll stay here with you in silence"
Teaspoon leaned against the bale beside Buck and they were both silent for a while. It was Buck who spoke first: "You say she loves me, but then why doesn't she understand that I don't want to have any relationship with that man?"
"She understands that, but she also understood that your mother's story is still hanging in your heart and believed that knowing the whole truth would help you process the suffering"
"She had to ask me"
"And you would have stopped her"
"That's the same thing she told me"
"I've always thought she's a smart girl."
A smile escaped Buck.
"Why do you make everything look so damn right and in its place?"
"Because I'm so much older than you and I've been through a lot and I would have paid gold to find a woman like Joy. I've been married 6 times but never had what you have. Don't spoil everything for your hard head"
"I don't know Teaspoon"
"Listen to your heart, there you will find your answer"
"Thank you"
"Do not mention it. You know I'm always ready to listen. And now, if I were you, I'd come inside to eat something because you need strength and I don't think you and Joy have eaten anything or am I wrong?"
"Actually not"
"Let's go boy"
"No, I prefer to stay here, I don't want to face the others"
"And you won't, I'll take care of it. Come on" and held out his hand.
Buck took it and stood up. Teaspoon patted him on the shoulder and they went into the bunkhouse together.
"Buck", Rachel called.
"Rachel, guys, leave him alone, he just needs to eat something and rest. There will then be plenty of time for explanations.
Everyone nodded and Buck thanked them. He ate some stew and then lay down on his cot. He too did not close an eye. He thought about the fight with Joy all night and realized that Teaspoon was right: she had done it for him. He decided that the next morning he would go and apologize to her and they would deal with the matter together, as they had promised after the breakup because of Camille.
The next morning, Buck explained matters to the others and said he would go to Joy's to sort things out.
The latter, dragged herself to the general store with an immense sadness in her heart, but also anger at how Buck had treated her. He didn't show up all morning but at lunchtime he went in as he usually did.
When she saw him enter, she ignored it. Buck came up to her, took off his hat and said: "Hello."
"Hi", she replied dryly.
He looked at her sideways and said: "I'm sorry about last night, I was too hasty and impulsive"
"As always after all"
"I'm sorry Joy. Can we talk?"
"Do we still have something to say to each other?"
"I do and I would like you to listen to me"
She looked into his eyes and saw that he was sincerely repentant.
"Let's go to lunch, because of you I didn't touch food last night"
They said goodbye to Thompkins and went to the saloon. They didn't want to risk meeting Buck's father at the hotel.
"I'm sorry Joy but try to understand me, I felt betrayed by the woman I love"
"I just tried to help you, I didn't want to meddle in what doesn't concern me"
"Everything about me is about you too"
"Well, you didn't think so last night"
I know, I was furious, but I thought about it all night and realized why you did it and…"
"AND?"
"And I thank you"
"Oh really? Now thank me?"
"Yes. In fact I needed to know the whole story. Can you forgive me?"
Joy looked at him with a smile full of love and said: "Of course I forgive you honey, I know it's a very difficult situation for you, but you have to learn to share your emotions and fears if we want to be a family. You don't have to go through it all alone."
"I know and I thank you"
"What are you going to do with that man?"
"I don't want to see him and have anything to do with him"
"Not even a single confrontation?"
"No but I'm asking you a favor if you feel like it."
"Tell me"
"Could you go up to him and tell him I want him to leave? I will never forgive him for what he did to my mother"
"If that's what you really want, ok"
"Thank you. I love you and can't wait to marry you"
"I love you too Buck" and they kissed tenderly, oblivious to those around them.
Joy said she would go to Jefferson's immediately after lunch and before going back to the shop. Buck thanked her again and they arranged to meet for the evening.
Joy went to the hotel and called herself Mr. Jefferson.
"Hi Joy, glad you're back. Any news from my son?"
"I come for this. I don't have much time, but Buck begged me to tell you to go away and not look for him again. I told him your story but he can't forgive you and doesn't even want to have a confrontation with you. I am sorry. I did everything I could"
"Thank you Joy. I was hoping to be able to talk to my son at least once and to talk to him looking into his eyes. I ask you one last thing. I respect his decision and won't look for him again, but tell him I'll be in town a little longer and if he changes his mind over time, he knows where to find me."
"I will, but I don't think he will look for you"
"Who's to say what life has in store? Thank you Joy, I wish you well and I give you my blessing. Goodbye"
"Goodbye Mr. Jefferson" and they shook hands.
In the evening, Joy told Buck about the dialogue with his father and he replied: "Does what he wants, the important thing is that he doesn't let me see him and that he doesn't get between us anymore"
They spent a pleasant evening at Joy's house, finalizing the wedding details. That night they made love more than once, happy for having passed this test too and aware that their love was getting stronger and stronger.
