VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE! PLEASE READ!

This story is about to get dark, weird, and weirdly dark. Yes, I realize that I'm saying this the chapter AFTER a funeral. It's completely valid, though. I've done my best to contain the crazy within the confines of 1993, and made sure it's not dark enough to change from a Teen rating. That said, if you're only here for the fluff, this chapter is a good time to back out before the year gets rolling.

As for why I did this: I ran out of canon and went rogue to find a storyline. The idea that came sounded hilarious at the time, but the longer I went with it the more realistic/darker it got. As much as that bothered me, it brought about a lot of cool concepts I didn't want to delete, so I stuck with it and kept going. Calendar Year 1993 is about 45 chapters long (I'm still writing the last two chapters), so strap in for a wild ride!


After a happy Christmas and a sombre New Year's Eve, Harry felt relief on arriving at Platform 9 and ¾. After saying goodbye to the adults, Harry and Melly went their separate ways to find their friends. Spotting a compartment with Hannah, Susan and Ernie, he stepped in and greeted the group. "How were your holidays?"

The others answered with casual post-christmas excitement, with the exception of Susan who answered slowly. "It was …fine."

"Just fine?"

Susan sighed unhappily. "Not really. It was alright until word got out about Justin and our prank. My aunt threw a fit when she found out. Said I shouldn't joke about dark magic like that."

"She was only mad about the prank?" Hannah asked. "Not… everything else?"

"You mean about Harry and the book?" Hannah -and Harry- nodded to the question. "No, I didn't. Though goodness knows I wanted to; but she was so upset already. I don't want you to get in trouble for something that you can't help."

"I don't blame her, though." Ernie added. "No offence, Harry, but being born with a dark gift like that is terrifying. Obviously Madam Bones has a right to be concerned."

"It's just a language though." Harry replied with strain. Ernie practically repeated himself from what he said in their dorms the night of the Duelling Club. "There's nothing inherently dark about talking to an animal."

"You'd think so, but they say Who-Know-Who was a parseltongue, too."

"One bad person having an ability doesn't make everyone else who has it a bad pers-" *Knock, knock, knock*

The last word cut off as a knock hit the door. It was followed immediately by Justin's head sticking through. "Is there anyone here who doesn't think I'm evil incarnate, a traitor to muggleborns, possessed by Who-Know-Who, or secretly his son?"

"Obviously." "Of course." The group chorused.

"Thank god!" He exasperated. Justin stepped in, slammed the door, and practically slid against the wall onto a seat. "I swear, I haven't had a moment's rest since that stupid duelling club!"

"What happened?" Hannah asked.

"Where to begin!" He rolled his eyes. "I have been getting owls every day since I've been home! Some of them were even hexed! My poor mum had to be taken to hospital when she picked one up! We eventually had to owl the ministry and beg them to let us go to St. Mungos when a bad curse got me. Even had to specially order owl wards set to my name. Owl wards! Can you believe it?"

"Owl wards?" Harry asked.

"So that he doesn't get any cursed mail." Ernie supplied. "Don't you have one? Being the Boy-Who-Lived and all, I figured that was a given?"

"Oh. I have no idea." Harry answered him. Though that does make sense. I wonder if Dumbledore set some on me while I was living in Little Whinging?

Ignoring the tangent, Hannah and Susan moved to reassure Justin. "I'm so sorry that happened to you. Were they ever able to find out who sent the curse?"

"No. I wish, though." He groaned. "Even the ones that weren't cursed were insane. People were asking for proof, or asking if I've gone mad to claim to be the Heir of Slytherin, and a bunch of other rubbish. …It's ridiculous, of course. I answered a good deal of them, explaining that it was a misunderstanding. I don't think that will make it all stop, though."

The group cringed in sympathy. Justin and the group fell silent. The awkwardness of the moment urged Harry to speak. "Would it be better if we tell the truth? About me being a parselmouth, at least, not about the book."

"Would you?" Justin's eyes gleamed.

Susan rolled her eyes. "But then this would continue with Harry, it won't actually stop people from sending horrible letters. He'll need to get an owl ward, too, unless you want him to risk getting hurt."

Justin flinched at the question. "Well, no…"

Ernie stepped into the conversation. "You both will get attacked at school, too. It's not just adults who are upset about all this." He shrugged lightly. "As creepy as this is, you're better off just pretending that this is all one big joke. Gryffindors can take a joke."

"And Slytherins would prefer a joke than having either of you seen as the Heir." Susan added. "Wizards around the country are riled enough about the You-Know-Who article, and the DMLE are having a lot of trouble managing it. I think the dark-leaning purebloods will take any excuse to see you and the rest of us as just kids pulling a prank."

"Which is mostly true, anyways." Harry continued.

Justin sighed unhappily. "I suppose you're all right. So what should I do when everyone stares and whispers about me?"

Most of the others shrugged in answer. Eventually Susan answered. "Be the same as always, I suppose? Maybe if we all keep up the random hiss it will take attention off of you?"

"Or the occasional real hiss?" Hannah giggled.

The laugh elicited a small smile from Justin. "That might be a little too obvious. Unless everyone wants to learn…?"

Susan shook her head. "Not for me. Learning parseltongue is not something I'm interested in doing. Fake parseltongue has gotten me in enough trouble as it is."

"Same here." Ernie answered.

Justin nodded to the group. "Alright then, real and fake hisses it is."


Meanwhile, in another compartment

"Come on, Bennett, tell us the truth!"

"I am telling the truth, Wystan."

"You really expect us all to believe that all that hissing was pretend?"

"Yes!"

"That Finch-Fletchley hasn't taught you all parseltongue?"

"Yes!"

"That you've never been to the Chamber of Secrets?"

"..Yes."

Rusalka and Amy jumped slightly, turning to her with a questioning glance. Amy raised a finger to stop Jacinth's rant. "You hesitated."

"What?"

"Just now. You hesitated at that last question."

"Well… it was a pretty stupid question. It threw me off. No offence, Wystan."

Jacinth didn't answer her. His own eyes narrowed at Amy's implication. Rusalka spoke up. "You know… she does go off on her own a lot."

"To practice my music. You know that."

Amy's eyes gleamed. "And when you were late for our meeting last year, Dom needed Potter to find you; and he's in the same dorm as Finch-Fletchley."

Melissa rolled her eyes. "Because he knows where I practice. Look, if you don't believe me I can take you there tomorrow."

"To the Chamber?!" Wystan exclaimed.

"To my music room, you idiot!" She fired back.

"Could be a decoy." Amy noted.

"True." Jacqueline replied.

"Whatever." Melissa rolled her eyes. "Since you're not willing to believe the truth, I'm going to find someone who does."

She slid out of the compartment with her trunk in tow. As the train remained stationary on the platform Melissa jumped to the next carriage with ease. She checked the windows, giving small waves to acquaintances while searching for other friends. Mostly out of luck in that department, she opened the next carriage door, only to come nose-to-nose with Hermione Granger.

"Oh, pardon me." Hermione took a step back, nearly colliding with Neville as she did so.

"That's alright, Granger. Looking for Harry?"

"We're looking for Justin, actually." She answered. "He's been having a hard time at home over the holidays and I want to make sure he's okay. Have you seen him?"

"Oh. Yeah." She looked back into the carriage, thumb tapping on fingers to count. "He's… fourth-last carriage on the left."

Hermione exhaled in relief. "Wonderful. Thank you."

The three shuffled in turns through the doorway. Then soon enough the young gryffindors were off to see their rumour-star friend, while Melissa went off to be as far from the gossip centre as possible.


Despite what most would believe, impish pranks are best made in careful calculation. What is the temperament of your victim? Their breaking point? Where lies the line between an audience's laughter and their scorn? How does the setting play into the prank? Can it lead to trouble? In dealing with the questions, Melissa considers herself well-experienced in manoeuvring the outcome of a prank. As for her Hufflepuff underlings, however, their care was much to be desired.

For the month of January whispers about Finch-Fletchley and the first-year Puffs ebbed and flowed. Who could blame the students, considering how the Puffs dealt with the rumours. When asked, Justin would deny any claims of adoption. He further insisted on his muggleborn heritage. That said the boy still hissed! He hissed to his friends, to acquaintances, and most hissed to him in return. They all hissed to each other, actually. Even Hermione and Neville have gotten involved in it! Melissa, herself, only joins in when spoken to; but she, at least, understands discretion.

As for the others… absolute amateurs.

Those that actually spoke the language kept slipping up. Bringing up names, or using English in the middle of sentences for words they didn't know. Speaking that way is perfectly acceptable when you're learning a language; and that, right there, is exactly the problem! It was too casual, too normal! Those with eyes and a sharp brain behind it could tell how normal that slip up is. So, rather than seeing the hissing as one big prank, half of the school knew that there was at least some truth to the rumours.

Then there was Harry, her poor sweet Harry, who kept laughing every time the Twins spoke. Those two were the first to be suspicious. With enough prodding and silver-tongue words, it took less than a week for Harry to cave and reveal to them his magical part of the prank. Apparently, Harry has been so taken by their near-perfect elocution that he wanted them to join their ranks as parseltongue students. By all surprise, they actually agreed to join and ...he wasn't wrong. Listening to Fred and George mimic Harry's speech patterns made the rest of them sound like Scousers in comparison, and they haven't even done the ritual yet! That's just unfair!

Ugh, they're going to be insufferable after this is over!


11:12am, Sunday, January 24th, 1993

Melissa glared at the minute hand of her watch, her foot tapping with impatience. Behind her, Domonkos leaned casually against the back of the greenhouse, noting her impatience with light amusement. "They are running late, yes?"

Melissa groaned loudly, turning to him. "They are. I'm sorry, Dom. I know you have a meeting to go to. I shouldn't have asked you to wait with me."

"It's alright, Melissa, really." He gave a generous smile. "They are Weasleys, what can you expect?"

"I know, but still-"

"We are friends." He squeezed her shoulder gently. "We help each other. Is what we do."

Melissa pouted, and Domonkos' eyes glinted with challenging mischief as a small staring contest initiated between them. Eventually Melissa had no choice but to admit defeat. "…You're right. I'm still allowed to feel guilty, though."

"I can accept that. …Though I propose that feeling could feel better by telling me why you are meeting the Weasleys here?"

Melissa shrugged lightly. "Doing something for them as a favour to Harry."

His eyes narrowed at that, no doubt trying to decipher the vague answer. Eventually the glare ended and he lightened his expression. "Hmm… let me guess. You are to bring them to the Chamber of Secrets as a sacrifice to Slytherin's Monster, yes?"

Dead silence stilled the air. It seemed Melissa's eyes copied his earlier expression. Then, finally, her head fell into her hand as she tried to stifle a sound that bordered between a snort and a groan. "Right. Of course. That is exactly what I plan to do." She rolled her eyes. "And after that we'll dance naked under the moon with our bodies covered in lion's blood to appease Slytherin for the glory of blood supremacy."

"Ah! So that's how you spend your Sundays!" He grinned broadly. "Do you mind if I come watch? It would make for a lovely image- what, with how the moonlight would be bouncing off of, well, you bouncing and-"

"Oy! Shut up!" Her mouth had dropped open at his question. The continuation, though, welcomed the boy to a hard shove of indignation to the ground. He landed with a laugh; and Melissa, too, joined in snickering at the ridiculous and vulgar suggestion. As their laughter abated, the teens' eyes met briefly. ...Causing both of them to break into laughter once again.

Behind them came the voice of one of the Weasley Twins. "I think the fun started without us, Gred."

"So it seems, Forge."

The two Slytherins turned back to acknowledge the boys, and the twins smiled back. "So, what did we miss?"

Melissa and Domonkos glanced at each other, both trying to hold back their laughter.

Melissa answered. "I don't think you want to know."

Domonkos hummed, then added. "Well, maybe not for the first part. Though, the second part-"

Melissa snorted. "I think not!"

"You never know. I'm sure if we asked, they'd like to watch, too."

Melissa twisted her head fully to face him with an incredulous glare. Then, in a bizarre change her voice switched to an odd American accent as she shot back. "How about No, Scott!" Then her voice switched back to normal as she turned back to the Twins. "Ignore his crazy. Let's get moving. And you-" she pointed warningly at Domonkos "-behave!"

Though still half-sprawled on the floor, Domonkos had the cheek to look composed as he nodded and crossed his heart. "Of course. I am always a gentleman."

"Sure you are." Melissa replied with a shake of her head. Geez, three years of no one catching her dirty jokes, now Domonkos of all people getting into it?! Man, maybe her bad traits are rubbing off on him? Or worse… teenage hormones must be finally kicking in.

Perish the thought!

She walked away from the boys, though waved her hand to urge the Twins to follow. Once they caught up to her, one of them piped up. "So… Do we want to know?"

"Eh. He was guessing that I'm luring you to the Chamber of Secrets to use dark magic to sacrifice you to Slytherin's Monster."

"Huh. Should have known you were up to no good, Bennett."

Her lips lifted into a half-smirk. "Well, you know me…"

They walked on a little longer. "...and what are we actually doing?"

"Oh. I'm luring you to the Shrieking Shack to use ritual magic to make you both parselmouths."

"WHAT?!"


A short walk and a long laugh later, the three arrived just outside the range of the Whomping Willow. "So you want us to go through the Whomping Willow, which secretly leads to the most haunted place in Britain, where you want us to perform dark magic for something we can already mostly do?"

"Ritual magic isn't inherently dark, but yes, you'll actually be able to understand snakes and perfect your pronunciation if you get this done."

"You're mad, Bennett."

"Again, you know me…" Her face fixed into a frown as she addressed them. "But, seriously, it's not a bad or evil thing. If that were the case, would you really consider a group of Puff firsties to be evil for doing this ritual last year?"

The brothers regarded each other, muttering a volley of conversation before caving into her line of reasoning.

"Exactly. It's fine. Now we just need to dodge our way to the trunk of the tree to get started."

The boys answered her in unison. "We've got a better idea."

*ZJOOM!*

A particular thrum and light emerged from either side of Melissa. Turning to get a better look, Melissa jumped back sharply at the sight of vibrant lights coming out of a rod in each boys' hand. "HOLY SHIT! DID YOU TWO ACTUALLY BUILD LIGHTSABERS?!"

"Surprise!" They grinned. "It's brilliant, isn't it?"

"And it WORKS?!"

They looked over at each other with vague posturing. "Well… not sure about that."

"-We asked Pad- Mr. Black -for some advice after the last test went wrong."

"-So this will be a test run."

"-Run being literal."

Melissa blinked against the bright lights. "...Right." She clicked her tongue. "Tell you what, why don't you two take the lead with your slicing beta-blades. If you make it, hit the trunk's knot to open the passage. If it fails, I'll come in to save you."

"Challenge accepted!" They answered in a pair of grins. Then both raced off towards the tree. Sensing their presence, the tree began to swing branches in their direction. The twins, in turn, swung wildly as they ran. ...Wildly was definitely the right word for it. Most of the branches were dodged by luck and quidditch reflexes. A few did hit the boys in parts well away from the lightsabers. Then another swung close to a boy's head and-

*SHZWING!*

-the lightsaber crackled against the branch! The twin holding the sword pushed hard against the branch as it cracked and pushed against him, then with a loud snap the upper half shot upwards as the lower half fell dead on the ground, smoking and crackling all the while.

Huh. Holy shit that actually worked.

Even the Gryffindor looked surprised by the result. Staring with an open-mouth grin at the result. …Then frowned as the sword sputtered and shrunk back into the rod.

Well, mostly works, anyways.

"Run!" She shouted. The boy broke out of his shock and bolted between the tree trunks. His brother was managing well. His blade sliced through a couple thinner branches. Though it, too, died mid-way into the third branch. Luckily he was close enough to the trunk, so he abandoned the rod and drove straight for the tree. Scrambling around it, he slammed his palm into the knot. Then, in magic, the branches halted as the tree froze completely.

"Buggering hell, it stopped!"

"Sweet!" Melissa grinned. She jogged over to them while they looked over their rods.

One of them looked at her accusingly. "Did you know it would stop?"

"Of course." She replied. "Though I appreciate the volunteering. Come on, there's the hole. Follow me!"

She popped down the hole, leaving the disgruntled pair to follow after her.


At her speed-walking pace, they reached the Shack in little time. Well, she did, anyway. The boys were somewhere far off behind in the tunnel. Knowing she was running low on time, Melissa decided to skip waiting for them and get started on the ritual circle. So by the time the twins emerged from the tunnel Melissa was deep in focus drawing runes in chalk along the inner edge of the outer circle.

They watched her quietly at first. Both of them walked around the chalk, looking at the various lines, triangles, and circles, not able to make heads or tales of the arrangement. "So… we don't have to make any animal sacrifices, do we?"

Melissa clicked her tongue. "No." Technically, well… it doesn't count. That's just potion-making.

"Then how does it work?"

Half her mind was focused on the runes as she answered. "At 1:28 you're going to step into those circles there." She pointed vaguely behind her, towards a spot where two circles nestled inside of a large third. "You're going to repeat the first part of the incantation. That'll light up the sweetgrass, horsetail, and cloth of gold, which I'll have piled here, here, and here." She pointed to corners along a triangle that was further split as four equal triangles. "Once the smoke gets big enough you're going to drink the Snake Charmer's Draught, which I've got bottled up and ready for you. When you're ready, you'll need to cut yourself a bit and let three drops of blood land here." She gestured to the central triangle. "Then I'll lead you through to the last part of the incantation to finish it all up."

"You want us to do blood magic?!"

"Well it's your body that's being adjusted. Obviously the magic has to know who you are to make the change." She stopped writing and fixed the boys with a blank stare. "Look, if you want to back out, it's fine. I'm just doing this as a favour to Harry since he thinks you have a talent for it. But I'm not going to push you if you don't have the nerve for it. Besides, I was serious about the time, so best you think it over and decide fast, or else we'll have to put it off until next month."

The twins' expressions were hard to decipher. Whatever each was thinking gave them a mix of emotions. Sometimes they communicated silently to each other, other times just to themselves. Melissa got the sense that this will take a while, so she decided to continue her work rather than keep waiting for them.

"…Why does the time matter?" One finally broke the nerve to ask.

"Moon's zenith is at 1:30 today. Closer to the zenith you are, the more powerful -and therefore successful- the ritual will be. With doing two of you at once I don't want to take any chances."

"And the potion works? You don't have the best luck with potions."

Melissa shook her head as she worked. "We haven't had potions together since first year. Obviously I've improved since then. Besides, I've made the draught a few times before and it works just fine."

A beat of silence fell between them. Fred and George communicated quietly to each other while Melissa finished up the runic layer. She walked around the circle, checking over her notes and muttering quietly to ensure all were to the right specifications. Then she fished out the components from her satchel. The plants, yellow candles, two athames, and the pair of phialled draughts.

"...Is it going to be a problem," one asked, "having us do this at the same time?"

"Um, no, it shouldn't." Her pen tapped against the paper. "I checked a few reference books and triple-checked the calculations for accommodating a two-person ritual. Everything is sound for this to work."

"Blimey, Bennett, how did you manage all this? Sneaked off to the restricted section?"

Melissa smirked slightly. "That's for me to know and you to never find out. Now-" she shut her notebook with a snap, "-have you come to a decision or do you need more time?"

The twins huddled together. A series of whispers volleyed between them for another couple minutes. Finally then straightened and answered "We're in."

"Excellent!" Melissa glanced down at her watch, the minute hand edging past 1:26pm. With a practiced flip, she twisted the athames to the young Gryffindors. A triumphant and beckoning grin on her face. "Well, then, shall we begin?"


Author's commentary:

For those interested is the ritual components, this is information I found on a witchcraft site:

Plants: Horsetail (snake charming), Cloth of Gold (understand animal languages), and sweetgrass (calling spirits) (wormwood does the same, but it's a snake repellant)

Yellow Candle: Represents Intellect, The Powers of the Creative Imagination, Memory, Communication, and Mental Agility.