Chapter 2 The Departure
Quorian beamed at me, ridiculously pleased. I smiled weakly in return. He led me back to the speeder; the pilot didn't say a word as we climbed into the rear. We sat among boxes of artifacts on a gravsled, jostled as the repulsorlifts sped over the uneven ground and away from the academy. It was loud and the heat from the engines washed uncomfortably over my fur, but I'd had worse in my time as a slave.
Just after moonrise, we reached the small valley where the speeder pilot had a base camp. I was hungry after the long trip, but neither Quorian nor I had complained about the journey. I was used to harsh conditions, and he seemed to be doing some sort of jedi meditation thing that flickered on the edge of my awareness despite my best efforts to sense what he was doing. I uncurled myself from my place in the sled and stretched awkwardly, waiting to see what would come next.
Quorian pointed me towards the nearby spaceship. "There's a refresher in there, first door on your right," he said. "I'll talk to the pilot and finish making the arrangements."
"Whatever you say," I agreed. I made my way up the ramp and uncomfortably looked around the small ship. It was larger than the shuttle that had taken me from Lord Myon's estate to Korriban Academy, but there weren't that many rooms. Everything was slightly dirty, but it all seemed to be in at least decent repair. The refresher was cool and quiet, and it was nice to relieve myself and take a moment to shake the sand out of my fur.
"Here," said Quorian, handing me a ration bar as I rejoined him outside. "We'll get some proper food once we're in hyperspace, but until then, this'll have to do. Will it be alright?"
"It's fine, Quorian," I said. "I've had worse."
"She'll need to change her clothes before we get where we're going," said the pilot, talking to Quorian even though I was standing right there. A familiar resentment rose inside of me as he treated me just like a slave again, treating me like a pet or a possession instead of a person. "I'll go find her something." He stomped off. The little astromech droid was faithfully towing crates of artifacts into the ship, so soon enough the Jedi and I were alone again.
"I'm sorry about him, Acolyte," said Quorian. "That was very rude."
"It's fine," I said, "and we need him." Quorian nodded, relieved that I seemed to understand.
"He'll get us off Korriban, and he'll get the second part of his payment," said Quorian. "Then we don't have to see him again."
"Here, girl," said the smuggler, tossing me a bundle of fabric. I caught it before it hit me in the face. It was difficult to take off my acolyte robes. I had already fought so hard to win them! I pulled the sandy brown tunic and hose on over my undergarments; they were way too big, and I felt like I'd slipped back into my slave's costume as I grimly knotted them around my body and tried to tuck them back so they wouldn't get in my way.
"It's just until we can get you something better," Quorian reassured me. I'm sure he could sense my feelings through the force; and I abruptly despised him again. What was I doing? Risking everything for a vague hope that something might be better than what I had? I knew from my time as a slave that while things could definitely be better, they could also definitely be worse. I'd heard stories from other slaves that had given me nightmares for months. What if Quorian was lying to me? What if he was just taking me to be a slave somewhere else, or worse?
But it was too late now. We were already about to leave. If I left, they wouldn't help me get back to the Academy, and marching for days across the desert sounded like a really good way to end up dead somewhere. I'd made my choice. And no matter what now, I had the force. If they tried to make me a slave again, I'd make them regret it before they killed me.
"Let's get going," said the smuggler, checking his chrono. "My contact will be on duty in an hour, and if we don't take off soon, we won't be able to get through until tomorrow night."
"Let's get this over with," said Quorian, and he shrugged uncomfortably as he led me into the ship. My fears made accessing the force easy, and I probed the Jedi's emotions with my mind. Why was he feeling so reluctant all of a sudden? He glanced sharply at me, and I let it go, embarrassed. We went into the engine room, and the pilot reached down to fiddle with a cable. There was a click and a portion of the floor popped up. A secret compartment!
"Get comfy," said the smuggler. He seemed amused at the situation. Quorian climbed in first, his face calm but anxiety filling his mind. He had to hunch forward to sit within, and I climbed down, glad I was small. As it was, our knees were touching and there wasn't much room for movement. "I'll come find you when we're in hyperspace." He slid the compartment's lid closed, and perfect blackness surrounded us.
"As soon as the ship powers up, we'll have lights and fresh air," said Quorian. "We just have to wait a moment, and I could use the force to get us out if I needed to."
"I'm fine, Jedi, I've been in tighter places," I said. "I don't mind small spaces."
"I do," he said, and sure enough, when I focused on sensing his emotions, I found them a tightly wound ball of anxiety and controlled panic. "It's something I've been trying to overcome as a Jedi, but I'm still working on it." He took a deep, deliberate breath and then released it slowly, and I felt him pull on the light side of the force as his stress eased slightly.
"How did you manage being in the jails?" I asked. "Your cell was smaller than this."
"Thanks for that reminder," he said dryly. "It wasn't as bad, because I could still see through the energy walls. Even though I was trapped, the room was big and well-lit, and plus I was drugged, so it didn't bother me much."
"You're lucky they didn't realize you were claustrophobic," I said quietly. "I'm sure they would've used that against you just for fun."
"Probably," he admitted. We sat in silence for a few seconds, and I heard a quiet hum that quickly built into a high-pitched whine. The engine came to life around us, and a small light clicked on beside us as a small fan began to blow. Quorian breathed a huge sigh of relief and grinned weakly at me. "See? Nothing to worry about."
"I guess not," I said. "Now we wait."
"Now we wait," he confirmed. I felt the exact moment the spaceship left the ground, and a thrill of anticipation, not quite fear, not quite excitement, ran through me. Quorian saw me grimace.
"Not a fan of space travel?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said. "I've never left Korriban."
"Wait, you've spent your whole life on Korriban?" Quorian was really surprised. "Were you actually a slave then?"
"Yes," I said, confused. He seemed embarrassed. "I told you before."
"I guess I just assumed it was all a cover story," said the Jedi. Now I was embarrassed. It was uncomfortable, and I found myself getting mad at him for making me feel this way.
"Nope," I said flatly. The spaceship lurched underneath us as the engine reached a new pitch, and I braced myself against the walls to keep from slipping, my claws extending instinctively. I didn't want to end up in Quorian's lap! "The Inquisitors weren't sure if you'd be able to sense if I was lying, so they told me to be as honest as possible."
"So everything you said..."
"...Was true," I said. "I just didn't tell you all of it. For example, I wanted to help you escape. I just didn't mention it was because I was ordered to help you."
"You said you wanted me to get away because I didn't deserve to be tortured," said Quorian after a long silence.
"You didn't deserve it, but I did what I had to do," I said defensively. "We would've both been killed if I hadn't gotten you to trust me enough to help you escape!"
"I know," said Quorian, taking the pressure out of my excuses. He sighed deeply, cupping his injured arm closer to his body. "I meditated on it on the speeder ride, and I want you to know that I forgive you."
"What?" Surely I'd misheard.
"I forgive you," he said, his voice quiet and level. "We were in a terrible situation, and I wouldn't have gotten out if you hadn't helped me. You had to do awful things to survive the Sith Academy, and I knew there were risks when I came to Korriban in the first place. I'm lucky you were assigned to help me. It could have been much worse."
"Maybe we're both lucky," I said, his confession spurring me to reciprocate in kind. "My overseer didn't want me to survive the trials. I've really only made it this long by some fate or luck or something." I laughed, but it wasn't funny. "That's hard to admit out loud."
"How did you end up in the Sith Academy if you were a slave?" asked Quorian.
"Freeborn are tested and sent to the academy when they're old enough, but it's only recently that slaves have even been allowed to learn," I said. "I didn't know I was force-sensitive until I accidentally killed someone with Force Lightning. My master chose to send me to the academy instead of killing me," I said. I hated how grateful I felt inside, even now, that Lord Myon hadn't just broken my neck right then and there. "I'd been there for about a couple of months."
"So you didn't really choose to be a sith," he said, something vaguely like sympathy on his face.
"Being chosen to be a sith was the best thing that ever happened to me," I snapped back. I didn't want his pity. He seemed surprised that I was upset.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you," he offered. "I just was thinking, you know, you never had any choice in this journey of yours. You started as a slave, and they sent you to the academy, and then you were put into groups and given tasks and orders and if you failed, you would die or they would kill you."
"It's all I've ever known," I said uncomfortably. "It's the Sith way." He took a deep breath and seemed to choose his words very carefully.
"It's very brave of you to choose this for yourself," he said. "I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you don't regret it."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Nobody asked you whether you wanted to be a sith, they just assumed you would because the only other choice was death, and that makes it not really a choice at all," he continued more fervently. "I am honored that when you had a choice between the Jedi and the Sith, a true choice, a free choice, you chose the hope of better things instead of the evil you knew."
