And you say it's alright

And I know that it's a lie

From the black in your eyes

You don't have to do this on your own

Like there's no one that cares about you

You don't have to act like you're alone

Like the walls are closing in around you

You don't have to pretend no one knows

Like there's no one that understands you

I'm not just some face you used to know

I know all about you

And you should know that someone cares about you

- All About you by Birdy

And by the time Lily was back in our midst, Severus and I had buried our argument 2 days ago. We met earlier when we were both taking borrowed books back to the library that we had read over the holiday season. We stared at each other with wide eyes at first, because the surprise of seeing each other so unexpectedly after an argument outweighed the surprise. I looked down briefly, bit my lower lip and searched for words in my suddenly empty brain. But when I heard his throat clear, I looked straight into his deep eyes and saw something very rare in them- regret.
"I wanted to apologize to you," he said softly, pretending to be interested in the covers of his books. "I didn't treat you like a good friend should."
I stared at him with wide eyes, I wasn't expecting that, and I felt the surprise spread to my face too, because he suddenly frowned.
"Thank you, Severus. I understand that you find it difficult to understand me and for me it is difficult to understand you sometimes." But maybe friends can have different opinions? Mainly because I felt that he was more to me than that. Even though I knew that there would only be Lily for him. As much as the thought hurt, it also kept me from fully acknowledging my feelings for him.
"You were shocked by what happened to MacDonald?" he asked.
"It was horrific, Severus," I replied quietly, staring at my feet.
"Hm, I wasn't there and only know the version that Mulciber and Avery told us in the common room." he stated with his soft, penetrating voice which gave me goosebumps, slowly creeping down my back. Or was it the cold of winter that roamed the hallways?
"Maybe you just have too many Slytherins around, Severus." I whispered with a smile on my lips. He gave me a raised eyebrow before he smirked as well.
"Yes, maybe.", he stated.
And I think we were both so pleased with that that Lily never found out about our brief dispute. Even though we both had different views, we probably didn't want that to cost us our friendship.
After the horde of students returned to Hogwarts from the Christmas holidays, there was constant hustle and bustle. January 9th came quickly. Severus' birthday.
We meet after breakfast in an alcove on the first floor. A suit of armour stood next to us. We congratulated him and presented our gifts. He was quite astonished because he had only received a new quill from his parents. But he said it was more than he expected. He seemed genuinely grateful that his parents had even remembered his birthday and it made me sad. Although my parents weren't a model couple, they always gave me a treat for my birthdays, usually a book, which I wished for.
Lily had gotten him some chocolate frogs and potion ingredients. She knew his parents couldn't afford much, so she was able to support him with something like that. When I thought about it, my gift seemed very stupid. But I handed him the small flat package after he had unwrapped Lily's gift with enthusiasm and graceful movements.
Severus slowly unwrapped my present with his long fingers, his eyes filled with excitement. He was otherwise only gifts from Lily in Hogwarts. My heart was pounding, afraid I would sense his disappointment. But to my surprise, a grin curled his lips as he unwrapped the silk handkerchief embroidered with his initials in emerald green.
"Thank you! I like it." he said softly into my face, which blushed slightly. I nodded reassured. Since it was a Friday, we then hurried to get to our classes.
Later we found some minutes with Butterbeer in an empty classroom to celebrate his birthday. We stood together and talked about the day. And he was trying to teach us Gobestones. It was a very old magician's game similar to marbles. The game was played with special stones which, when they lose points, squirt a foul-smelling liquid in the loser's face. The aim of the game was to capture all of the opponent's stones. Apparently his mother was a master in this field and had taught him to keep him busy as a child. However, he never really enjoyed it because he had no one to play with.
It certainly wouldn't have meant anything to others, but I knew it meant everything to Severus. He seemed happy between us, and he smiled often. I was pleased that he was grinning so much more and began to express his delight. It suited him so well.

A few days later, Lily's birthday came up. I woke her up very early in the morning in our dorm. But she didn't seem angry when I told her about a surprise. I led her by the hands down the Great Hall where Severus was waiting for us, grinning. We were all bundled up because there was deep snow on the grounds of Hogwarts.
We led Lily blindfolded to the frozen Black Lake. When we untied her blindfold, she squeaked happily. "Oh, skates. Like in my childhood! How wonderful." She quickly put on her skates and swung gracefully onto the ice.
"What are you waiting for? Come on!" she yelled while doing her first lap.
Severus and I looked at each other uncertainly. We knew she shouldn't be left alone on the ice, but neither he nor I had any skating experience.
So, we resigned ourselves awkwardly to our fate while Lily was amused about our humble skills on the ice. Severus and I caught each other, but we always ended up on the slippery slope together. Finally, Lily put both of us under her arm and helped us to do a few laps halfway. The three of us had a great time and I enjoyed laughing so much with both of them. When Severus laughed, he tried to hold back at first. But when he couldn't contain himself any longer, he suddenly leaned forward slightly before a wide, mischievous grin blossomed, sometimes accompanied by an inarticulate laugh. It was almost as if he were surprised at himself. I loved it so much.
After two hours, frozen to death, we went to the Great Hall for breakfast before heading to our classes.
"We're going to spend the next three days with a cold," Severus said, looking mock somber. His lips were bluish and his nose a faint pink. As I looked at him, my body almost warmed itself. I bit my lower lip painfully, reminding myself whose heart belonged and I should pull myself together.
"As if you can't brew us a potion against it, Sev." Lily laughed merrily. Severus smiled as he handed Lily another small present and watched with gleaming eyes as she quickly unwrapped it. It was a beautifully painted bookmark depicting a lion entwined with a snake.
"It's great, thanks Severus!" Lily said, grinning contentedly and hugging him. He obviously enjoyed the physical closeness to her. While feeling a certain jealousy over their connection, I also realized the importance of this gift. An eternal union between lion and snake. His seemingly greatest wish.
As we had to sit at different house tables to fill our growling bellies, Severus moved away from our midst.
"That was great! Thank you!" said Lily with flushed cheeks.
"Severus helped me. He knew your shoe size." I answer, embarrassed.
"I think Sev knows everything about me," she said, laughing while at the same time surveying the food on offer until she joyfully discovered some berries.
"It's quite possible." I replied, trying to sound as relaxed as possible.
I handed her my gift before concentrating entirely on the food. She unwrapped it just as quickly as Severus's. A bracelet with red and green glass beads fell into her hand. She looked at me happily and quickly pulled it over her wrist.
"I immediately thought of your red hair and your green eyes." I explained with a grin. But I also realized at that moment that this bracelet also combined the house colours of Gryffindor and Slytherin. Did I subconsciously think about this when I bought it? I think about it. No, I liked it, and it only matched the attributes of her outward appearance.
"Hey, Evans!" A voice suddenly called loudly.
"What is it, Potter?" Lily asked, seemingly annoyed.
"Happy Birthday! I have something for you." James said handing her a small package. Lily looked uncertainly at her gift. After a moment's hesitation, she very slowly unwrapped a bottle of violet perfume from the paper. She sniffed it and blushed.
"Thanks. It smells very pleasant."
"Yeah, it's what you always use, isn't it?" he asked, satisfied with himself. Lily nodded, a flush of pink filling her cheeks. I looked at James and his gift in disgust. How does he know her perfume? Why is he giving her anything at all? He'd better stay away. This tormentor. I glanced over at the Slytherin table and saw Severus choking on a piece of apple while watching the scene. I poked at my breakfast egg resignedly. I didn't feel good when I thought about James Potter and his ambitions.

I sat alone in the library. Lily was with the others at the Hufflepuff vs. Ravenclaw Quidditch game. Since I couldn't get very excited about sports when our house wasn't playing, I used the time in the empty library.
In Potions, we were working on an essay on Golpalott's third law of antidote making, which we were supposed to put into practice over the next lesson. The law was in the book, but it was not explained in detail. And I was so drained by the History of Magic and Charms essay that I had to rub my eyes as I sighed through the law.
"Ah, Golpalott's Third Law. Do you need help?" A familiar voice spoke softly over my shoulder. I jumped, not noticing his presence. Severus sat down in the chair across from me and looked at me, a smirk on his lips.
"Yes gladly. I'm kind of too tired and my head doesn't want to think anymore." I explained and sighed loudly. I closed my eyes briefly.
"What do you think it means?" he asked, looking at me in amusement while he pulled his parchment, quill and inkwell from his pocket.
"Well, it says here `The antidote to a mixture of poisons is greater than the sum of the antidotes of its components."
"Exactly. What do you do not understand?" His voice sounded excited. Why? Was he wondering if I understood? Was he amused at the thought that I might fail? Or was it just because I was so exhausted? My thoughts raced. But I knew that it certainly wasn't his intention to upset me. I really had to work on my confidence. Although I've come further than I ever thought possible.
"It means that a poison made by mixing several other poisons together cannot be created simply by finding the antidotes for each individual poison in the mixed whole and mixing them together. Instead, one must find that single ingredient that, when added to the mixed antidotes, almost alchemically transforms them into a combined whole that counteracts the entire mixed poison."
"Sounds like you have no trouble understanding." His eyes twinkled darkly. "Then what's your problem?"
"Honestly? It takes way too long to figure out what poison was used that way. During this time, the poisoned person is probably already irreparably damaged or even dead. So, what's the point? I can get a lot further by using a bezoar." I explained, watching his hand settle on a piece of parchment and the other around his quill.
"Mh, I think that's a most interesting thought. But then you should always have a bezoar with you, right?" He looked at me and put the quill aside again. I tried to see what was on his mind, but his face seemed blank.
"It depends on who you are, doesn't it?" I saked him. Why should one be exposed to the danger of being poisoned at all? Severus gave me a piercing look, so a shiver running down my spine.
"I have a feeling Professor Slughorn is just trying to find out if we have any sense of the art of potion brewing," I stammered nervously under his inquiring gaze.
"That may be so." Severus watched me from his seated position, both hands under his chin, fingers interlaced. It was a very mature gesture, but it was... strangely attractive to me.
My eyes went back to his lips. I thought again of our kiss, which was now several months ago. I just couldn't forget or ignore it.
"You're even smarter than I thought." he suddenly said with a strange tone in his voice, as if he had only just become aware of it.
"Why? Because I understand the Law of Galpalott?" I asked, even amused at his expression, he seemed puzzled.
"No, because you understand people. You seem to see behind the facade and understand the core of them. I find that… impressive." he quietly, still looking at me as if he were studying my face so closely, every detail, that I knew I got hot and felt my face get really red. Damn it, I hated it when my nervousness was so obvious. "Wait, you think I'm impressive?" I said in astonishment. The thought that he found me impressive made me very excited. Of all people I would have expected it the least and I didn't know what to say or do at that moment other than be nervous.
"Sometimes." His lips curled into a smile.
I grinned broadly at him. My heart skipped a beat. Is it the time? Should I tell him how I feel about him? I felt like we were very close right now as friends. But could we ever be more than that?
We looked at each other. I felt myself biting my bottom lip again- a nasty habit around him. I was already opening my mouth to let my thoughts out when suddenly the door to the library slammed open and Lily rushed towards us, beaming with joy.
"Ravenclaw won, which means the House Cup is safe for Gryffindor this year!" Her red hair was flying with excitement, her cheeks were flushed.
Severus turned his gaze to Lily. His eyes travelled gently down her form. He looked strangely dreamy. I tried to grin and be happy for the Quidditch team's victory. But my thoughts kept circling around him and my own feelings.

As the days grew longer again, we were all busy studying for our O.W.L exams. Even James Potter and Sirius Black would drop into the library from time to time. Maybe Remus Lupine talked them into it? He was definitely someone you saw in the library in front of books.
But their presence bothered me because I noticed that Lily got distracted by it. She then tried frantically not to look in James' direction and avoided looking up from her book, although she barely turned a page.
"Lily, it's really obvious," I whisper so softly that Madam Pince, the librarian, doesn't hear us. She was very strong and started her service at Hogwarts in our first year. It is rumored she has a secret relationship with Filch because she was so like him. Or were they secretly siblings?.
"What do you mean?" she asked suspiciously.
"Potter. You like him." I replied and looked into her bright green eyes.
"Dont talk nonsense. I don't like him. On the contrary, he's like a little kid.", she said a little louder now.
"Please be quiet, ladies! You are welcome to continue your conversation - but then in front of the door." Madam Pince called through the rows. We rolled our eyes in annoyance and went back to reading Transfiguration until Severus came to our table.
"Would you like to go for a little walk? I learned so much that my eyes just closed." he asked, letting his gaze slide from Lily to me.
"Sure, Sev!" Lily got up abruptly and packed her things. Before I put my books away, she grabbed his arm and walked him off without me.
I looked after both, confused, but I also noticed how Severus was enjoying the undisturbed time alone with Lily this time.
So, she was mad at me for approaching her about James. But was it so far away? Were her reactions to him just in my imagination? Maybe I was trying to convince myself that she gave her heart to the Seeker of the Quidditch team just so I wouldn't consider the possibility that she and Severus could possibly...become a couple?
I kept packing my books because there was no way I could study or finish my homework with those thoughts in my head. I wandered aimlessly through the castle until I landed on the empty astronomy tower. The telescopes were in the corner. I looked out the floor-length window. I loved this sight because it made me feel like the world was so much bigger than my little problems made it out to be. But down on the castle grounds, I saw Lily and Severus talking to each other. His gait was a little springier than usual.
I took a deep breath of the warm early summer air. Only a few weeks until the exams, only a few weeks until the summer holidays.