There is a swelling storm
And I'm caught up in the middle of it all
And it takes control
Of the person that I thought I was
The boy I used to know
But there is a light
In the dark, and I feel its warmth
In my hands and my heart
Why can't I hold on?
- Waves by Dean Lewis
One nice spring day, as I was hurrying up from the library to the common room alone while most of the students enjoyed the first warm rays of sunshine on their skin outside, I was suddenly faced with Caspar Avery and Wolfric Mulciber in an empty corridor. The two seemed bored and enjoyed the sight of me as I tried to hurry past them with a book in my hand.
"Hey, slow down, dirty Mudblood." Mulciber called loud, baring his teeth while Avery blocked my path.
"Where are you going, sweetheart? Got a date with one of your Mudblood friends?" Avery asked sneering. His brown eyes glared at me hoping I would counter him.
"Well, stupid." I said angrily, unfortunately I couldn't pull myself together as well as I intended. However, since falling out with Severus, I've had a short fuse when it comes to Mudblood insults. I saw them both grab their robes, but I was faster and I quickly pulled out my wand and threw a stunning spell at Avery. But before I could catch Mucliber, he pointed his wand at me. A flash of green light hissed in my direction, I just managed to duck away. I guessed from the look on his face that it wasn't a harmless Stunning Charm. But Mulciber looked behind me into the shadows of the corridor, his eyes widening in surprise before a smirk graced his pimply face.
"Snape! Do you want to join?" Mulciber suddenly asked a figure that seemed to appear out of nowhere behind me. Severus looked at me with raised eyebrows, I was motionless with shock. My wand was pointed at Mulciber, who I was about to curse. I saw a certain fear and surprise come into his eyes while his face remained blank. Was he afraid for me? I asked myself briefly, but postponed the thought, because he had also called me a Mudblood and who knows what bad ideas he had meanwhile penetrated with my two attackers.
"Mulciber, come down! You get into my nerves. Always the same, right?" Severus asked in a deliberately bored voice. Mulciber slowly lowered his wand, and I did the same after a moment's hesitation. Severus raised his own wand and pointed it at Avery and breaking his rigid state silently. My victim stirred weakly as Mulciber bent over him. Severus looked at me with a impassively face, but there was something else in his eyes, something pleading. Or am I imagining it? Inexplicably, his presence relaxed me and made me feel safe. How could I feel this way when his attackers were obviously his friends threatening me?
"Go!" he demanded in a cold voice and I finally broke my own rigidity, grabbing my book which landed on the floor and quickly ran into Gryffindor tower. I avoided talking to anyone about this encounter. Lily would have taken it as an indication of how far Severus had gotten in this black magic circle that Mulciber was encouraging him to hurt me. And she certainly wouldn't have been wrong about that.
At least now I also recognized the danger that emanated from the black magic group in the Slytherin dungeon and that Severus was an irrevocable part of it. I swore to fight it. No one should be in constant danger because of their parentage. I chose my side of the war in that moment. And it was the other side that Severus chose.
After the Easter break, Lily and I were walking down the marble staircase to the Great Hall when we saw a crowd of students in front of a notice board.
"Will you join?" Marlene asked us, her grey eyes sparkled with excitement. I peeked at her and saw that she held out her hand in front of Dorcas, but when she caught my gaze she tossed her cloak aside, hiding it. She studied my gaze and I gave her a nod, grinning slightly, making her smile back and blush slightly.
"With what?" Lily wanted to know and she stepped closer to the notice.
"A Duelling Club will be formed, headed by Professor Flitwick and Professor Rothe, Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher." Lily stated loudly and looked at me, her green eyes were sparkling now too, her lips slightly parted in warning at the thought of practicing practical resistance.
"They want to arm us against You-Know-Who." Marlene explained and her short black hair swirled through the air.
"Oh, I heard that Professor Flitwick is a champion in duelling. That's going to be exciting. I'll definitely be there!" Lily said in her light and inept voice, tossing her hair over her shoulders, a sign that she was getting ready to face the challenges that lay ahead. I eyed my best friend in amusement, she was so easily roused to the fight.
"Nice to hear, Evans." James Potter called out to her. He ran his hand through his black hair and grinned crookedly. His gaze scrutinized Lily penetratingly and there was something hungry in it, almost demanding, so that she blushed slightly. "I bet no one from Slytherin is going to do that."
"Let go of your prejudices, James! It's getting boring." I said bitterly. It really bothered me that this house rivalry existed, even if a small part of me wanted to agree with James. Maybe it was just the fact that he had said it that caused such resistance in me. I indirectly blamed him for the fight with Severus and for losing him to black magic and the wrong side.
"Huh, a friend of the snake in our house?" Sirius barked at me. He looked down at me arrogantly, the look he usually gave to anyone who didn't agree with him. Beside him stood Remus Lupin, who stared at the floor, uncomfortably touched.
"Leave her alone, Black!" said a low voice behind me. "She at least has the decency to think about her words before she speaks, unlike you."
"Oh, Snivellus and his girlfriend. I forgot about that." Sirius sneered and I felt myself blush. I turned to him, his gaze briefly grazing me before turning back to Sirius and James hatefully. But that brief moment was enough to make my heart pound faster and constrict my throat.
"She's not his girlfriend! None of us want a mudblood like that." Mulciber said, taking up position next to Severus. Mary gasped at the sight of him, I felt sorry for her and moved automatically in front to shield her. My hand clutched the hornbeam wand in my pocket. Severus followed my movement and caught my grip on my wooden weapon, tensing his body visibly, his black eyes met mine and twinkled at me.
"This word! Take that back, you filthy bastard!" James Potter exclaimed.
"Why? Because your own girlfriend is one too?" Mulciber laughed snidely. He spat at my and Lily's feet. Around us, the crowd gasped at the obscene gesture.
James and Sirius drew their wands while Mulciber held up his. I looked at Severus, who didn't hesitate and pointed his wand at Sirius and James but he passed me by, obviously he didn't consider me a threat, which actually made me seethe inside. The mood was immediately tense, I also saw Lily reach into her robes, but before anyone could make another move, we heard hurrying footsteps behind us and froze.
"My dears, not so hasty. You should wait for the Duelling Club for that and not trumpet around the halls." Professor Slughorn's voice called out.
They immediately lowered their wands, but the hatred continued to sparkle in their eyes.
When the first duelling club meeting took place the next week, contrary to Sirius' opinion, some Slytherins turned up. However, Avery and Mulciber emphasized that they were only here to teach us Gryffindors a lesson. The lessons took place in the Great Hall. The tables were pushed to the side like the O:W:L exams so we all had space to practice. Since only the sixth and seventh graders were allowed for this training and this took place separately for the two years, there was enough space for us to practice.
"You are all here to learn some valuable techniques to use against Lord Voldemort. Professor Flitwick and I have decided to first demonstrate a few spells, which you will then practice with a partner." Professor Rothe began. She was an aging witch, but still full of energy. She had her brown hair streaked with grey in a bun. Some gasped as they uttered the name of You-Know-Who that terrified us all. "Like Professor Dumbledore, I'm not a fan of avoiding the name of Voldemort. This stirs up fear where there shouldn't be any. It's better to focus on the fight and not on fear of it. That's why we want to urge all of you: say his name! Practice this! Go!" she added.
Everyone looked at each other in horror, only a few began to pronounce his name softly. Voldemort. Lord Voldemort. Lily and James were the first to do it louder. Remus and Sirius joined. I spoke out his name loud, too: Voldemort. Voldemort. Voldemort.
The more I did it, the less it bothered me. I investigated the faces of Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, Alice and Mary and it seemed to be the same for them. Saying his name no longer scared us. It was amazing how easy it was. Why were we afraid to say the name before? I didn't know anymore at that moment. We could use our energy elsewhere.
"Very good. Feel free to keep practicing. It will help you. Now, however, let's move on to the practical techniques of duelling!" Professor Rothe said aloud.
"Of course, we cannot fully initiate you into the wonderful Graceful Duelling Art, for I fear he, Lord Voldemort and his followers will hardly bow to you before attacking." explained Professor Flitwick in his high voice.
A few Slytherins sneered.
"Well, please pay attention!" Both professors bowed and took 10 steps away from each other. "Stupor!" Professor Rothe exclaimed. Flitwick bent swiftly and gracefully to avoid the spell, but as he did so he yelled, "Impedimenta!"
"Protego!"
So different spells collided with each other, dodge, fend off.
We stared at our teachers with spellbound faces, it was exciting and at the same time I heard Mulciber whisper: "If they defend themselves like that, they don't have a chance. A quick Imperius, Crucio or Avada Kedavra and it's over." Avery, Goyle and Carrow smiled mockingly.
A shiver ran down my spine because he was right. When fighting with unforgivable curses, who stands a chance? Defence spells don't work there. I sighed. Actually, nobody was safe from death facing Lord Voldemort. But I didn't want to be afraid. What did I have to lose?
"Now please form groups of two. You will practice with your partner for the rest of the lesson. Please choose someone outside of your own house, not friends. This is important so you don't hold back. After all, we want to practice!"
I looked around, the Ravenclaws quickly mingled with the Hufflepuff. The house of the lion squinted hatefully at the house of the snake. Mulciber had chosen Mary as his victim. I wanted to step in, but she stopped me.
"Thank you. But this is my job, I want to prove it.", she whispered, and I recognized the old fire blazing in her. I nodded grinning.
Avery picked James, Greengrass picked Sirius. Lily had Parkinson in front of her. Remus held his wand against Goyle. Alice and Frank had Grabbe and Carrow as opponents. I looked around, but I knew which Slytherin was left.
"Are you ready?", he asked in a soft voice. I had thought he would take the opportunity and choose James or Sirius. But maybe he saw me as the easier victim? But I would like to prove him wrong. Though my heart pounded violently against my chest at the sight of him.
"Everyone has a partner. Very good! First try to switch off thoughts and feelings. Remember to use your spells unsaid. Then you have the surprise on your side. Look at your counterpart. Look each other in the eyes. What will he start with? Think about how you can defend yourself. It starts at 3..."
I looked at him like we should, and his black eyes locked on mine. I swallowed. But I had to pull myself together. I wanted to prove myself.
"...2...1. Come on!"
I sent a Stunning Charm to Severus' neck, which he thundered back with a Protection Charm. I successfully blocked, returned a Confusion Hex, which he blocked and cast a Leg-Locker Curse on me which I blocked.
"Not bad at all. I would not have expected this." he said in a low voice, but it actually sounded sincere.
"You don't know me as well as you would like, do you Severus?" I asked challengingly.
He blanched and I used the moment to cast a Disarming Charm. His wand flew up and I caught it. His eyes widened briefly in horror.
"Skillfully. You're good in non-verbal magic by now?" A grin curled his lips.
"Why not? Just because I'm Muggle-born?" I asked in a bitter voice. Severus stared at me and blinked longer than I had seen him do.
"No. I only remember your clumsiness. I thought it would get in the way of something like that." he said in allow voice and his beautiful black eyes looked at me. I remembered how many times in the past I slid into his arms and blushed.
Around us, the duels were mostly still going on. Professor Flitwick and Professor Rothe intervened, aiding and disenchanting the bewitched students as needed.
"Quit the jokes and show me what a Slytherin can do." I tossed Severus“ wand at him. I bit my lower lip and tried to see him again for what he was to me now. A boy on the wrong side of magic.
But I wasn't so lucky the next round. After taking and parrying many curses, I fell over the prone Avery and Severus stunned me. My head landed hard on the floor. But I felt myself being dehexed again immediately. I got up slowly, but my head was pounding terribly and I put a hand to the back of my aching head and narrowed my eyes.
"Are you alright?" Severus leaned towards me, and I saw concern in his eyes. My mouth went dry.
"You beat up the mudblood nicely, Snape!" Mulciber called from the side of us.
However, he had a bruise on his cheek. Apparently Mary had gotten to him too and that made me grin gleefully.
"That's enough for today! You were all extremely good. We repeat this meeting every 2 weeks. At the end there will be a duel performance from you, which the students and teachers will watch. Until then, we still have a lot to work out. But I'm optimistic.", said Professor Flitwick, before sending us off to the entry, where we shared our successes and hushed our failures.
This duel performance took place at the end of the school year. Lily, Sirius, James, Remus, Mary, Alice, Frank and I from Gryffindor, Marlene and Dorcas from Ravenclaw, Olivia Faye from Hufflepuff, Severus and Mulciber from Slytherin emerged as the best duellists. Dumbledore invited all of us into his office except for Severus and Mulciber which already made me suspicious.
"You all showed extraordinary performances. So, I have a question for you. Are you willing to use them in a real fight?"
"What... how do you mean that?" Olivia Faye asked uncertainly. Her blue eyes widened in surprise and her curls fell across her forehead as she lowered her face to avoid a flash in Dumbledore's eyes.
"Could you imagine expanding your abilities and using them in battles against Lord Voldemort and his followers?", the Headmaster asked directly now.
In that moment, I knew that the whole purpose of the Duelling Club was to find suitable and talented followers against Voldemort. We looked at each other unsure how to find this request. Some of us blanched visibly at the thought.
"What exactly does it mean to go into battle against Voldemort? What are our responsibilities?", I asked uncertainly. Some of the others looked outraged.
"This is a very good question. And I'm amazed that only one of you asked me this. Well, some of you have natural talents that we will not neglect, because they can be useful too. But the main task is to hinder Voldemort and to stop his machinations. Protecting Muggleborns, trying to stay one step ahead of him. And I'll tell you all the truth: it's dangerous and it won't be an easy task. For this reason, I have selected only the bravest and best among you. Those I believe are up to this enormous task. Are you ready?"
"Absolutely!" James said, being the first of us and he took a step forward as if about to get started.
Sirius immediately stepped to his side. "Yes, anytime," he said loudly.
Remus took a step forward. "You can count on me, Professor Dumbledore!" he said. His soft green eyes sparkled at a new task.
Lily stepped forward with Marlene and Dorcas and they also joined. It was like watching these young hearts fade to the thought of freedom. I swallowed. Did I really want to be part of it?
I thought for a few more moments because in the end, this decision had enormous proportions. Taking an active part in the fight against Lord Voldemort was like self-sacrifice. But what did I have to lose? A life of fear of death and doing nothing about it? Or a life of fear fighting this vile man and his disgusting followers?
"I'm in." I said loudly and I saw a twinkle in the Headmaster's eyes. He had won a few followers for his cause. We are all young, talented and willing to sacrifice ourselves. But did we really understand the magnitude of this decision, or did we just think so?
After asking away those of us who didn't join, he said: "You all show enormous courage. I will train you in some arts myself. Others will be able to use their special gifts for the society that I recently formed, we call ourselves the Order of the Phoenix and after Hogwarts you will be a part of it." He looked at me and I blushed. What useful talent should I have? But I felt the importance of this decision for the future and the magical world around us.
