Though I've tried before to tell her
Of the feelings I have for her in my heart
Every time that I come near her
I just lose my nerve as I've done from the start
Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on
- Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic by The Police (but I prefer by Sleeping at Last)

At lunchtime we met alone in a corridor on the first floor. We approached and faced each other. It was right there where we first kissed under a mistletoe in December so many years ago. When his lips touched mine for the first time and I didn't find the courage to confess my feelings to him.

But now he was standing in front of me. Severus was finally mine and his eyes shone so seductively that I just couldn't contain myself anymore. Suddenly it came over me. I walked towards him, pressed him against the cold stone wall.

"What?" he breathed, but I closed his mouth with my lips. A fire raged inside me. But it was too obvious. We weren't allowed to give ourselves away. Unsure I broke away from him, but he held me back and pressed me closer to him. He kissed me again passionately. My heart was beating painfully in my chest. His hands ruffled through my long hair. I wanted to undress him. Feel him. Overall. My hands groped for the doorknob behind us. The wooden door opened and we fell into the empty classroom number 11, which was used more as a storage room. He looked deep into my eyes, took his wand out of his robes and locked the door behind us. He sent a Muffliato to follow.

"I knew this room could come in handy one day," I whispered. "But isn't it too risky?"

"Fuck it." Severus lifted me up and he pressed me against the hard wall. I fiddled with the buttons on his frock coat. Smiling, he tapped his wand against his clothing and then mine. All buttons and zippers released their locks and our bodies could find each other…

He lovingly tried to gently smooth my long hair with his hands.
"You know, I've succumbed to the urge to play with your hair before.", he said with a rough voice.
I lifted my head and gave him a questioning look as he slowly slipped a few strands of my hair through his long fingers.
"In seventh grade. You were alone in the library and fell asleep writing an essay for Professor Binns. Those long silky hair fell in your beautiful face." His eyes looked softly into my astonished face.
"Then that wasn't a dream at all?" I asked with wide eyes in surprise. He shook his head, grinning.
"If I had known back then how you feel truly about me..."
"Severus, what do you mean?" My heart was pounding against my chest. I bit my lower lip nervously. He followed the play of my lip with a grin before gently tracing it with a finger.
"Just like I said." He answered simply and kissed me. "I guess I just didn't consider the possibility of both of us. I didn't allow it, I denied myself. I never thought that someone like you could love me. I thought my friendship with you was a stroke of luck. For me there could only be Lily. She was the first person who liked me. And I didn't even deserve that. I have negated myself as I have been used to by others. I was rejected. I thought I was wrong."
"Not for me, Severus!" I said angrily and looked into his face.
"Yes. So, I could have admitted my feelings for you in our fifth year. You used to be alone with me in the library every school year during the Christmas break. I watched you sometimes. So, I remember in third year your long hair falling on your parchment and you staring absentmindedly through the window while the ink from your quill dripped onto your words. We didn't exchange a word back then, but that's when I noticed you for the first time. Then I often saw you sitting by the Black Lake when I was reading a book under my tree. You were hiding in that bush that just about fits two people in the niche. And I saw it in your eyes." He continued to play with my strand of hair as he spoke.
"What you saw?" I held my breath.
"I recognized your loneliness. I told Lily you're there often. Alone with a book in your hands."
"You told Lily about me? You wanted us to be friends?" I asked, my body starting to tremble slightly. He nodded and pulled me tight to make me feel secure.
"I thought you might consider her as a friend as I do." I looked at him in shock. It was a side of him that I had only felt but could never grasp. His protective and gentle side.
"And you didn't care that I was stealing your time with Lily?"
"It bothered me at first, but after a few weeks I liked you. Even very good. Do you remember the day before the Christmas holidays in our fifth year?"
"Our kiss under the mistletoe?" My voice sounded more excited than I'm used to hearing from it.
"Yes, that was... ridiculous, wasn't it?" His eyes looked oddly blurred. As if he was in the memories.
"Ridiculous?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. What did he mean by that? That would be the last word I had in mind for my first kiss with him.
"That's when I felt that you meant something to me. That you were more valuable in my life than I thought. My heart was pounding in my throat. Didn't you notice my insecurity?" He looked at me and I shook my head slightly, he smiled slightly before continuing in a low voice. "Then the smell of the Amorentia in potions class after I lost you and Lily just made it clear to me. And when you went to Slughorn's party with Lupin. As Potter tripped me and my whole mug threw all over you … I thought I screwed it up forever. How many times have I dreamed of you in my arms, think about every detail you have. And now I even know your birthmark on a very intimate part of your body…"
He kissed me lovingly and gently ran his hands down my back and traced his fingers over my birthmark. Then his kisses travelled down my neck. And we surrendered to our strong feelings again...
The remaining months of the school year passed just as exciting and hidden. While we were preparing the final exams for our students, we could hardly concentrate. But luckily our minds were still sharp enough that we (and especially me) didn't make any more mistakes.
We used the students' last Hogsmeade weekend before the holidays and Apparated to a remote stretch of coast to go for a walk together. Hand in hand. Then I felt how wonderful it is to have an open relationship with Severus. He's the man I always wanted with me. He made me laugh with his sarcasm, make me think with his mind and drive me crazy with his kisses.
During those months, life felt so indescribably easy. And I enjoyed the smile on his lips as Slytherin won the house cup again and Minerva grudgingly congratulated him. She would have to face it two more times - at least until Harry Potter arrived at Hogwarts.

During the holidays we secretly Apparated together to Cokeworth.
"Please don't expect too much. It's my old parents' house. I never felt the intention to pay attention to this accommodation. I usually only stay there for a few weeks in the summer and I rarely had visitors. Narcissa and Lucius many years ago and once indeed… the Dark Lord," he explained before we Apparate from Hogsmeade. A shiver ran down my spine at the thought of Voldemort being there. But I tried to shake it off.
He led me by the arm and together we landed on a riverbank in the dark. A tall tower stretched into the dark night sky. Severus led me by the hand through some alleys. Many street lamps were broken, only a few of the old brick houses seemed to be inhabited.
"Only a few muggles still live here and we're not disturbed," he whispered, watching my reaction from the side. I grinned, the joy of me getting to know a part of his old life outweighing it. We turned onto Spinner's End and stopped at an old brick house Severus tapped his wand on the lock, a murmur from him, a click and the door opened.
We found ourselves in a small living room. It was gloomy and Severus lit the candles in the chandelier above us. The dim light cast itself on the walls, which were lined with old leather-bound books. He followed my gaze.
"My mother's old collection and some additions made by me."
I beamed at the many interesting books. From this he had drawn all his knowledge. My gaze quickly swept over book titles such as 'Appropriate Spells for Experienced Wizards and Witches', 'Damage First Hands', `Optimizing wand use for advanced users` and 'Indispensable Effects of Poisons and Poisonous Plants'.
I turned and saw a worn sofa, a rickety wooden table, and an old armchair in front of the fireplace. I could imagine him spending his hours reading in front of the fireplace.
"Thank you, Severus." I was glad he showed me his childhood home because I knew I was the first woman he let so deeply into his heart and life.
"You like it?" He raised his eyebrows.
"It kind of shows a part of your personality."
"How do you mean? Old and worn out?" he asked. His lips curled into a grin. I had to laugh. I loved his dry sense of humour.
"I feel you in these walls. I can't describe it any better either. Show me your old room as a kid!"
"Now?" he asked surprised. It was probably the last thing he expected.
"Yes, please. I'd like to see it." He pointed his wand at a wall of books behind him. With a loud noise, a hidden door opened and a staircase appeared. Undecided, he walked up the narrow stairs with me.
"Were you locked up here?" I asked uneasily and looked around me.
"Once in a while. If my parents got into a fight, I didn't mind though." I swallowed as he opened an old wooden door into a narrow room with a small window. The walls were emerald green. A single bed, a closet and a dark wood desk stood alone in it. On the table was an empty picture frame. Otherwise the room was empty. No old toys, no indication that this room was once a child's or youth's room.
"It was never anything special. I hardly had any toys." he explained immediately. He seemed to have guessed my thoughts.
"Then what did you play with as a kid?"
"I was often out by the river or reading." I looked at him sadly, but his face was expressionless. I tried to read his eyes. And then I realized it. The feeling that connected us both in our childhood.
"It sure was lonely a lot, wasn't it?"
He nodded briefly and was silent for a few moments while he looked out the window next to me into the darkness.
"Mh, I always had to fight for everything. That's why I'm so surprised. And I am extremely rarely."
I looked at him questioningly and his dark eyes sparkled.
"The most precious and beautiful thing in my life came to me without a fight, just like that. That surprises me."
"How do you mean?"
"I mean you, Catherine. And your love."
My eyes watered and I grabbed his head with my hands. His black hair fell over his narrow face. I kissed him softly for a while and enjoyed how he relaxed under my touch.
"What do you want to do now?" he asked quietly after our long kiss.
I looked him up and down. Smirking mischievously. He rolled his eyes with a grin before throwing off his cloak and opening my dress with his skilful hands…

After cleaning each other up with a cleansing spell, we slowly got dressed and watched each other's movements, grinning. Luckily, I didn't have to worry about contraception as Severus used a potion for it and I trusted him completely.

"What was in this picture frame?" I asked, pointing to his old desk. Severus looked at me, drew his wand and cast a revelio spell. Suddenly a black-haired pale boy looking shyly at a grinning girl with waist length hair who was waving in the camera. But there was an empty seat next to us and I knew Lily was missing.
"I couldn't... after her death. It was too painful. But I didn't want to destroy the only memory of you. I removed her." Severus looked down and he tried to pull himself together to avoid my eyes. He knew he could see tears in my eyes at the thought of Lily.
"I understand that, Severus. I kept only a few photos of her, locked in a box. Everything else from her... I can´t." my voice broke. It hurt so damn. The thought of Lily, her laughter, her kindness, her love. He raised his head and we looked at each other. We both missed our best friend, it was she who brought light into our darkness. But I wanted to avoid these feelings.
I picked up the photo and smiled involuntarily. I knew it was recorded in the early summer of fifth year...right before the big breakup.
"Severus, you have kept a photo of us two over all this the years?" I realized with astonishment.
"Indeed.", he said. I saw a shadow briefly cross his eyes. But he immediately looked at me and smiled. As if it had occurred to him that everything is fine now. That he had now arrived and no longer had to mourn this time.
"You always have been my one. It just took me a little longer to realize it. I guess I'm such a big fool as the other students at Hogwarts," Severus said with a bitter undertone, but I had to laugh. It infected him immediately. He was as attached to me as I was to him for the whole time. We both were just too stupid to tell each other about it. Would he have become a Death Eater if he had known my love for him? But I couldn't think about it, I just didn't want to because it wouldn't have changed the past if I had admitted that hiding my true feelings, my true self, might have changed everything.