Hands on the wheel

Eyes on the road

No looking back this time

Silver and gold

Don't wanna need silver and gold

No looking back, no looking back this time

Don't let me down

Eyes like a shield

Bullets they hide

No looking back this time

Hand to the fold

Keeping your hands on the gold

No looking back, no looking back this time

Don't let me down

- Don't let me down by fleurie

"I gave Potter's class an essay on Shrinking Solution over the holidays. But I'm afraid he doesn't consider a single magic potion when it comes to his protection or the fight against the Dark Lord. I feel like I can't teach him anything, that he's not ready to learn," Severus said as I skimmed a letter from Remus at the breakfast table. He looked at me skeptically, his eyes fixed on the parchment in my hands. "Who is this letter from anyway? Although, you don't need to tell me, the werewolf is yelling at you again?" His mouth twisted disapprovingly.

"He's not yelling, Severus. He wrote to me that the volunteer work I had given him was cancelled due to lack of funding. It's so sad that the Muggles don't do anything for the youth who suffer from a lack of parental care," I replied, suppressing the anger that rose in me.

"Why would the Muggles do anything better than in the wizarding world? Nobody here is interested in children or young people in disastrous households. So why should Muggles invest their beloved money in a lost generation?" asked Severus, frowning.

Of course, he himself had suffered enough from such circumstances, only no one was interested. Neither the Muggles in the neighborhood nor the wizarding community. No one was interested in a neglected child whose parents were so incompetent. It was easier to look away and take care of one's own problems. I wondered if that would ever change.

"Somehow you're right. It's kind of weird. Sometimes I feel like it's just a piece of magic that sets us apart. But the hearts are the same," I replied and I knew that the young people Remus had accompanied were now just as lost as Remus himself. I sighed. It was the next problem that this society had.

"Let me guess - you want to meet him?" Severus asked, his voice sounding amused, but I could clearly hear his dissension.

"Yes, I do. He sounds like he needs a shoulder to lean on," I replied and folded the letter back up, because even though Severus still met my friend with disgust, he also knew that I would never give up this friendship.

"Why is it always your shoulder that he asks for?" asked Severus, his forehead wrinkled.

"He doesn't ask for anything, but I offer it to him. That's called friendship, Severus," I said, returning to my breakfast.

I tried to overlook his disapproval, even though it seemed increasingly difficult to deal with. Sometimes I wondered if they would ever sit at the same table with me. Laughing and carefree. A future that lay in stars, perhaps unattainable. Or could it perhaps have been so for a long time? If Voldemort had never been there, perhaps.

"Maybe he's looking for more than that in you," Severus said dryly after a few breaths and tore me out of thoughts of another future or an alternative time.

"How did you come up with that? Just because you desire more than friendship from me doesn't mean Remus wants it too," I replied with a smile and watched Severus tense up a little more. He was always so jealous of my connection to Remus, but it was completely different from our love.

"I know Lupin. He is a wicked man. He stands idly by as injustice happens and it amuses him," Severus replied in a hushed voice between his pinched jaws.

I looked at Severus, saw the man in front of me who suffered so much at the hands of my former friends. Remus, Sirius, James, Peter and also Lily and even by my own hands, which I carried folded together when he needed them full of energy.

"Even if Remus had feelings for me that went beyond friendship. Do you really think I'm endangering you, I mean us, in the slightest? If you may doubt his intentions, do you seriously doubt mine?" I asked him directly, so that his dark eyes narrowed into slits. I knew I had hit him with it. Because would he ever question my love for him?

"Of course I don't doubt you," he replied insightfully, lowered his gaze and continued to poke sullenly at his food.

"Well, then I'll certainly meet Remus in the next few days. Full moon is only in 3 weeks, as far as I know, that means he has time.", I replied, got up and looked for parchment and ink on the desk in the library. And so I arranged to meet Remus in four days at an old Muggle pub called The Old Hare in London, where we used to celebrate my birthdays, and even earlier with Lily, James, Sirius and Peter. There were beautiful memories on the old walls with the old paintings, the dark wood, which cast its shadow in the small pub.

The Old Hare was quite crowded when I entered, but I quickly recognized Remus when I surveyed the crowd. He had chosen a small table in a far corner and was staring thoughtlessly into a whiskey, his figure hunched over and his shoulders hanging as if he were dejected. He was wearing a shirt and dark pants that looked older. But nothing about him would betray him as a wizard. Having grown up in the Muggle world, I had no trouble dressing up as a Muggle. I even adapted a bit to the fashion of them. So, I wore loose fit jeans and a wide colorful shirt with sweeping sleeves tucked into it and looked completely different. And when I sat down with him, I knew again why I preferred uncomfortable pants and dresses and skirts. It was so uncomfortable that when I sat down, I bumped into the table, immediately spilling the glass that stood in front of Remus.

Remus looked up briefly in shock before he recognized me and a wry grin spread across his face and he kissed me briefly on the cheek.

"Excuse me," I whispered, noticing my cheeks flushing as my clumsiness persisted even at my age, although it was diminishing.

"I know you and your skills," he replied, laughing, waving his wand under the table so that the liquid disappeared immediately, and the table was left dry and clean. But Remus' face quickly became serious again when he looked at me.

"Thank you for being here. Have you looked at the newspaper today?" he asked in a lowered voice, but he seemed agitated and not for the better.

"Honestly not, no. I spent a little longer in bed today than planned," I replied, blushing, because Severus had not released me untouched from the sheets in the morning.

Remus wordlessly handed me the Daily Prophet under the table, so that the Muggles did not see the moving images.

On the front page, a face very familiar to me was emblazoned. The face was sunken and framed by long, matted hair. The only thing that reminded me of him were his alert eyes sticking out of his waxy white skin. I swallowed with discomfort as I read the headline.

INFAMOUS PRISONER SIRIUS BLACK ESCAPED FROM AZKABAN

Sirius Black, the notorious prisoner who ever sat in the fortress of Azkaban, is on the run, the Ministry of Magic confirmed today.

"We are trying everything we can to catch Black and ask all witches and wizards to remain calm. I will inform the Muggle Prime Minister today so as not to endanger any further lives," said Minister of Magic Cornelius Fuge this morning when asked.

Sirius Black is a well-known Death Eater, responsible for the deaths of 13 humans, whom he killed with just one curse...

I shuddered, didn't read any further, and unobtrusively returned the newspaper to Remus, while I felt my face lose all color.

"Catherine, he broke out. No one has ever done that before him," Remus said with a frown and pushed the bottle of whiskey towards me.

I poured a big sip into an empty glass and emptied it in one gulp. I felt the liquid burning down my throats, which immediately recalled my spirits.

"Do you think it has anything to do with his ability?" I asked immediately, watching Remus squint his eyes.

"I've asked myself the same thing. Nobody knows about it and I... can't give it away." His voice was hoarse and muffled, he seemed as if he had already thought about it, which led him to a decision. Although it may not be the right one, I understood him.

"Understandably, you would betray everything that connected you," I replied quietly and leaned back.

"Like he did?" his voice asked, which sounded strange, as if this thought didn't feel right, but odd and wrong. I avoided his gaze and looked at my glass, so I didn't give him an answer.

"But what do we do now? He can't run around freely out there after what he... what happened."; Remus whispered, his fingers tapping nervously against the glass bottle between us.

I closed my eyes and saw their faces in front of me. Lily, James, Peter. We had all trusted him and it was still an absurd thought to me that he had been the traitor Dumbledore had warned us about. We had always wondered who revealed some of our names to Voldemort, which led to the deaths of so many of our members. Again, faces poured in on me. Gideon, Fabian, Mary, Marlene and Dorcas...

"No, we have to do something, Remus. At the Ministry, they will have Aurors search for him. But no one knows him as much as we do. We have the chance to find him first and confront him," I said bitterly.

A disgusting feeling arose in me, it was more than mere anger, even more than hatred. It was something I only felt in one other person. Antonin Dolohov, the murderer of Gideon, Fabian and many other followers of the Order. He was, along with Voldemort himself, the incarnation of a vile monster, which had lost all right to exist.

I bit my lower lip painfully and watched as Remus' face grew even paler, so that his dark circles stood out more clearly above his cheekbones, which were also quite prominent due to his low weight.

"Do you think he's telling us the truth about his motives?" Remus asked softly, his voice brittle.

"He owes it to us, Remus, and if he doesn't, a drop of Vitaserum should get him talking, right?" I said full of disgust in my voice, so that I sounded strangely disguised even to myself, which was probably due to the fact that such views did not belong to me. At least not so far.

"This will also have given the ministry the necessary information," Remus stated, crossing his arms. For Sirius Black, no method was false.

"Where and when do we want to start searching?" Remus asked, leaning more towards me as if we had just made a secret alliance.

I thought for a moment before answering, running a finger over my mouth which calmed my mind.

"Sirius will have to use places he knows very well to hide. The two of us write separately from each other a list of what we can think of. Yours will certainly be longer, because you know him so much better than I do. And the when? Well, I still have 2 weeks of unpaid holidays leave and as far as you have written to me, you are also without obligations right now," I stated with satisfaction and suppressed the thought of what it does to Severus' mood when he learns that our vacation time together will end now.

"You'll forget about the full moon in 2 weeks," Remus said with a gloomy face.

"No, you will jump over your shadow in the next few days and accept my Wolfsbane potion. It gives us more time to find Sirius," I said seriously and looked him in the face with a strong look, so that he only opened his mouth briefly to contradict, but immediately closed it again when he could read my determination, which tolerated no contradiction.

So, he nodded before I ordered us a hot meal at the bar.

"And you have to get into such a senseless hunt against Black now, even though the Ministry will find him? Do you really think Black would be smart enough to escape the most capable Aurors for a long time?" asked Severus, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed and watching me grab a backpack that I had magically expanded.

"Let's say he has skills to help it do that. And Remus and I would like to find him first," I explained, stuffing in another jacket that Muggles wear when it rains to have some kind of camouflage clothing in their world.

"To torture him?" Severus asked, frowning, his nostrils swelling a little.

"Of course not. We want the truth, Severus. Then we'll hand him over to the authorities," I replied and went through everything again to see if I had forgotten anything.

"You know he's dangerous? He has lost everything since the Dark Lord fell. He has nothing to lose," Severus stated.

"Did you know that Sirius was the traitor in the ranks of the Order?" I asked, looking at Severus with interest. He leaned back a little and exhaled slowly, a fight seemed to be raging in his eyes, but he gave me an answer, he knew that I would not give in to get one.

"No. We knew each other in the inner circle, but the Dark Lord always made sure that we didn't know a spy in other missions. And you know that I was already under Dumbledore at that time. If I had found out about the traitor, I would have informed Dumbledore immediately. After all, it was about Lily's safety. But the Dark Lord never fully trusted anyone, so the spy in the Order always remained unnamed, we only knew the important information he provided us. So, it could have been anyone," he told me, looking at me under his words.

"Even me," I said bitterly.

"No. You were never decisive in the Order, rather passive. That was what saved your life back then. I used it for my argument not to pursue you further, so I could protect you. We had to use resources more wisely and choose goals that hurt the Order more than a simple healer," Severus replied, closing his eyes briefly to process what had been said for himself, this gloom in his past, marked by a wrong decision.

"Destinations like Dorcas, Marlene, Gideon, Fabian and Mary," I said quietly and shoved another book about curses into my backpack.

"Yes," Severus said cold, lowering his gaze to the wooden floor in front of him. I sighed.

"And that's why Remus and I want to know what made Sirius join your side. What reason did he have for betrayal? And if we've been able to find out, we'll hand him over to justice."

"Why do you want to know? This son of a bitch does not deserve your leniency. He betrayed Lily. Without him, she could still live and the two of us could be together in our whole life," Severus said bitterly, his face showing the greatest disgust.

"We don't know if I'd even be alive. Maybe the Dark Lord would have won," I replied quietly and closed my Muggle backpack with a buckle, hearing Severus growling.

"And Lupin is certainly enjoying this joint search with you now? I'm sure he had this idea to have you all to himself for a few days," Severus said after a weave and grimaced in similar disgust, but this time I couldn't help but smile.

"Yes, we're going to have a good time in places like the Shrieking Shack, rock caves, Sirius' childhood home and, what makes me particularly happy, an ice cream parlor with nice service on the outskirts of London," I replied, rolling my eyes, which made Severus sigh resignedly. He knew he couldn't change my mind

"Still, I hate Lupin even more for stealing time with you and putting you in this danger," Severus said quietly, detached himself from the door frame and walked towards me with quick steps.

"It was my idea, Severus," I replied with a grin.

"He should have dissuaded you and kept you out of danger," Severus said, looking into my eyes. I saw in his gaze not only affection, but also fear. And I understood. He was afraid that Sirius might hurt or kill me.

I hugged Severus tightly before placing my lips on his. He suddenly seemed detached and ran his hands over my back so that the backpack rumbled to the ground, he wandered through my hair and ruffled it while kissing me passionately as if he could suck me in, hold me forever.

"I'm going to think about you all the time," I whispered, out of breath, as we reluctantly parted ways. "Even if we can't write each other any messages in between."

I wouldn't be able to take Tiberius with me, he would attract too much attention and neither of us would use another post owl, the danger was too great that the animal could not be reliable.

"How do I know if you're okay?" Severus asked quietly.

"Nothing will happen to me, Severus. And if it does, it is certainly in the Daily Prophet. `Healer and werewolf killed by Black. Sensation!`" I replied with a smile, but Severus took it seriously, which I immediately recognized from his hardened expression.

"If something happens to you and Lupin is still alive, he's going to die," Severus said coldly and I knew he was serious, which sent shivers down my spine. I sighed.

"Do what you can't help doing. But before Remus leaves me to be killed by Sirius, he has probably already died himself. And now stop thinking about such a thing. It's not going to happen," I admonished him earnestly. But from the look on his face, I suspected that it could not be left at that.

"Do you at least have enough Wolfsbane with you? I don't want him to bring you back as a ball of fur," Severus said icily.

"I've got enough with me for the first few days and then I'll start new Wolfsbane together with him," I replied irritably and saw his eyebrows raise skeptically.

"Don't worry, I had the best teacher who showed me tricks to brew the potion faster and more easily. Even on the road."; I said smiling, so that he couldn't help but grin and I saw, surprised and joyful, how his pale cheeks turned slightly pink.

He still seemed to get a little nervous when I complimented him. Just like in the days before we got so close to each other.

"And now kiss me goodbye instead of indulging in such negative feelings," I replied to him in a soft voice, so that Severus took me in his arms again and we could say goodbye in love.

/Thank you for reading. I promise you another new chapter this week and I hope you enjoy this one!/