Come to me
In the night hours
I will wait for you
And I can't sleep
'Cause thoughts devour
Thoughts of you consume

I can't help but love you
Even though I try not to
I can't help but want you
I know that I'd die without you

Stay with me
A little longer
I will wait for you
Shadows creep
And want grows stronger
Deeper than the truth

I can't help but love you
Even though I try not to
I can't help but want you
I know that I'd die without you

I can't help but be wrong in the dark
'Cause I'm overcome in this war of hearts
I can't help but want oceans to part
'Cause I'm overcome in this war of hearts
- War of hearts by Ruelle

When I woke up, I was still lying in that freezing basement room. However, my restraints were loose, and I lay on a kind of bench with a pillow and a blanket. I tried to sit up, but my head was buzzing and a strong dizziness gripped me. Groaning, my hand went to my forehead, where I remembered Severus' touch... and Dolohov.

I slowly sank backwards. The potion of Severus seemed to have taken effect, because I no longer had the feeling that my soul was only attached to my body with a tiny thread that was about to tear at any moment.

"Are you... awake again?" asked a low and faint voice behind the wall. "Have you been... tortured?"

With this question, all the memories of the past encounters with Dolohov flooded into me and shook me. My heart began to pound painfully again with the fear that he might try again. The disgusting feeling of his kiss burned on my lips. I wanted to get rid of it, everything he had done to me. This immense pain from his torture, the feeling of having been treated like a worthless piece of dirt. But that was me in his cold eyes. A Muggle-born witch had no value other than what they wanted to give her. And in my case, it was probably the desire for even more revenge against an old rival who had been lying in a grave by the sea for years. I wondered what he would think of me. He had warned me that this war would change the innermost being. Experiences that were made, created a new self-image. But I knew that Gideon would also be proud that I had not stood idly by, but tried by all means to end this war and restore security for all of us. Even under the danger of soon lying with him. Under a pile of earth by the sea.

„Are you… ok?" I heard Darwin again in my mind.

"Yes... But I'm still here. What about you?" My voice sounded strangely distorted. However, I was frightened not only by my own voice, but also by Darwin's distinctly weakened voice.

"It's… probably coming… to an end… for me. Finally," he said and I could now hear his heavy breathing on the wall next to me.

"Hang in there. Don't give up," I said quietly, wondering which of us I meant.

He laughed briefly but was silent and my eyes found a silver chain next to me, Severus must have found it in the vestibule. It was something that seemed to communicate my presence here to him. With trembling fingers, I reached for the filigree locket and slowly opened it... inside was a pressed heliotrope on the right side and an intertwined C&S on the other. I sighed softly, thinking of my memories of the time with Severus that I hadn't discarded, nor of this necklace. I tried to suppress the dark memories of Dolohov that were buzzing through my head, but they were too fresh and my body trembled at the thought of the terrible pain and his cold fingers between my legs. I slipped the silver necklace and pendant into my inside pocket of the robe, where I could still feel Gideon's watch and Eileen Prince's greying handkerchief.

Tears ran down my face. All this pain... in my heart and my body. It seemed too much for me and I couldn't hold back the sobbing any longer, which broke over me like a wave with the question of how long I would have to endure in this hole. How many more times would Dolohov want to torture me again?

" Don't … cry, witch! There are coming... better days for sure... For you. You're. .. not alone ,…are you?" I heard Darwin try to cheer me up under his heavy breathing.

And I immediately thought of my good friend Remus.

"No, I'm not. But you weren't either, right?" I whispered, thinking of the great circle of vampires into which Darwin had once welcomed me.

"I have... the others summoned... to let me go if I… get caught." His voice sounded neither disappointed nor bitter.

"You sacrificed yourself for your friends?" I asked in awe.

"Not for... my friends... They are more than that... my family. I am sorry... that they are now against you...", Darwin replied weakly. And I thought about his words for a moment. Hadn't I sacrificed myself so that Remus and Tonks would have the chance for a future together and the love they both deserved?

"This was the only way they would be spared your fate." I smiled at the thought that my victim might have saved their life. But Darwin fell into silence again and I couldn't think about it for long, because the door to my dungeon opened with a loud jerk. I flinched noticeably like a wild animal and a whimper escaped my lips that I couldn't hold back.

Severus stared at me with big black eyes, his gaze wandering to my quivering lips as I realized that not only he, but also Dolohov and Mulciber entered the gloomy basement room.

"Get up," Severus barked at me. Indecisive and staggering, I tried to obey him, but my legs gave way under me and I clung to the edge of the kind of a bed to keep from falling, so that he drew in a sharp breath.

"Don't act like that, disgusting mudblood," Mulciber snapped behind Severus.

"Shut up, Mulciber! I'm the one who's supposed to take care of the problem. No one else. You're just the witnesses to my work, understood?" Severus hissed angrily at his companions Mulicber and Dolohov before looking at me again.

Severus looked deep into my eyes and I knew immediately what he was trying to achieve. For a moment I thought about blocking him, but I still had the confidence I had always felt when he was near me and so I let it happen. But he led himself in my mind to an old memory where we practiced Legilimency together and I was so bad that he could easily fend me off.

"If you were ever to invade my mind, I would probably have to let everything happen to me completely defenseless," Severus replied to my memory with an encouraging laugh after my pathetic attempt. We continued practicing after that until I got better. But I never fully gained control of Severus, no matter how hard I tried.

It only took a fraction of a second, but I understood. I immediately summoned all the mental strength I had left and penetrated into the willing spirit of Severus. It felt familiar and warm, very different from what I had suspected. But was it because he wanted to show me something specific? Immediately, figures formed in my mind's eye. In front of me stood Voldemort. I felt uncertainty inside me, which I hid with a blank face and suddenly I began to speak with the voice of Severus.

"My lord, I think she is more useful than it seems. She can provide us with information about the personal weaknesses of all members of the Order. She's someone people put their trust in." His voice sounded calm and firm, even though he felt the exact opposite within himself. It was panic that filled his mind and the insatiable desire to secure her life. My life.

"Antonin made his claims clear a few minutes ago. I let him have his way," Voldemort replied languidly. His voice was only a whisper, but the words spoken made Severus' blood run cold.

"You have what? Didn't you want to think about it in peace, my lord?" Severus asked, keeping all the emotions out of his voice that seemed to overwhelm him in view of the fact that Dolohov is now certainly with her and up to mischief. Painfully, Severus bit the inner walls of his mouth to remain calm at the thought of losing her. And I felt him focusing only on his goal. My survival.

"What should a mudblood do for us? We already have so much under our control. What good would be eavesdropping on Dumbledore's members? However, it doesn't matter much longer when the old man has been eliminated. As long as she can't help us with that, then-"

"But she can, my lord. We can spread misinformation. People will believe her," Severus interjected, trying to keep his voice soft, even though he felt like screaming. He would never allow anything to happen to her. Never.

"You think she'd be useful, Severus?" the Dark Lord asked, staring into Severus' eyes again. Red met black. Severus thought back to his school days with Potter, Black and Lupin. The feelings of humiliation and the desire to be more than a simple wizard and half-blood. No, he wanted to change the world in his favour and this at the side of the most powerful wizard of the time... the Dark Lord to whom he pledged himself with all his soul. He would prove everyone wrong, everyone who had ever laughed at him and underestimated him... everyone, including Lily and Catherine.

Severus showed all this to his master and the Dark Lord left it at that, withdrawing from Severus' thoughts and memories. Voldemort nodded slowly and began to caress Nagini, who was lying next to him.

"Good, Severus. Then take care of this mudblood. The Imperius should be the right one. But I don't want you to do it alone. Antonin Dolohov will testify to it, it is, after all, the booty to which he lays claim. And someone who knows both of you from school like Mulciber." His voice sounded bored and his gaze turned to the huge snake that was now turning to his lap.

"Of course, my lord. I'm sure she'll provide us with valuable information that will deliver Dumbledore to us," Severus replied and bowed. An immense weight was lifted from his shoulders, he felt himself falling into fast walking and before I could grasp his real feelings and thoughts in detail, I was again standing in front of the Severus of the present, who pointed a wand at me.

I closed my eyes briefly to get ready. I had to allow his attack on me, otherwise his plan might not work, even if my wand and our connection were no longer important, as I was separated from my wonderful wood of hornbeam.

"Imperio," I heard Severus call out and already his deep and soft voice penetrated my head.

Suddenly, I felt his presence inside me, heard his voice speak, but they were words other than those that entered my mind, as if they were a distraction for the spectators around us, while his innermost being was inside me. It was strange and eerily pleasant, so I had all the barriers wiped away.

Catherine, just say loud and clear, "Yes, I understand. I will serve you." And then collapse motionless on the floor.

Of course, I followed his instructions without resistance, what else could I do? It was suddenly so simple and beautiful. His voice inside me... to be able to watch him do it. I would have done anything for him without argument. Everything was like a wonderful dream that I didn't want to wake up from. I suddenly didn't feel anything negative anymore.

And already I felt myself falling hard to the ground, but all was well. Everything was fine forever.

The next thing I felt was someone holding me tightly in their arms, a familiar smell from the man I loved so much,... bitter antidotes, leather books... he... my head pounded painfully as the blood inside me stopped.

"Damn, what happened to her?" asked the voice of Asklepios Sharp suddenly.

"Take good care of her," Severus replied in an expressionless voice and abruptly handed me over to the arms of my colleague, who promptly placed me on a hospital stretcher.

"Catherine, I thought I'd lost you..." Sharp whispered lovingly to me before gently feeling my pulse. But when I could easily open my eyes, all I saw was Severus turning around with a strange expression on his face and his billowing cloak as he marched down the corridor to the exit.

"Severus..." I breathed to get him back before my eyes closed with exhaustion.

"I'm so glad you've returned. I hate myself for not staying. I-"

"Remus, all is well. I'm here. I promised you that I would follow you," I said in a soft voice and squeezed the hand of my friend, who looked at my face worriedly, as if he could not believe that I had survived.

"It wasn't meant to be that way, you wanted to use the portkey for your rescue and not Snape," he replied and although I smiled softly at his words, I knew it wasn't a joke of his.

But suddenly the door swung open loudly and Asklepios entered my sickbed. But the sound immediately sent me into shock, which Remus registered with a worried frown.

"Ah, I see you already have a visitor. I just wanted to check on you for a moment," Asklepios said with an uncertain smile on Remus as he placed a vase of red carnations and cornflowers on a small table next to my bed on which lay my freshly polished wand. "I'll come back later. Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm well taken care of. Thank you for the flowers, Asklepios," I replied and nodded. Of course, I understood his message behind it. Asklepios blushed slightly before saying goodbye and Remus slowly turning back to me.

"What has they done to you that a loud door makes you wince like that?" my good friend asked unrelentingly. I swallowed as the images of Dolohov came back before my eyes.

"Probably nothing that the other Muggleborns in Malfoy Manor don't have to go through," I replied evasively, but Remus caught my gaze.

"Those bastards. I'll kill them. Tell me, who was it!" cried Remus angrily, but I just shook my head as if I could shake off my memories.

"No, Remus, he's killed too many. I'm not going to let this beast do anything to my best friend!" I said anxiously, lowering my eyelids at the thought to hide my fear.

"It was Dolohov. Am I right? If I meet him, I swear that I will avenge you. I'm going to duel-" Remus began to rant in a way I didn't know from him and that frightened me. He was so gentle and good, even if his wolfish streak could be felt from time to time, the Remus in front of me was a different person. He seemed so full of hatred. You know, it changes you. This work. This war.... I heard Gideon say in my memories.

"No, Remus. It will be my revenge, not yours," I said louder than usual, trying to sound steadfast. But I felt myself that I meant it. This man had gone too far in my life and the hatred of him could not tolerate me and I felt myself longing for my own revenge.

Remus sighed loudly before taking a closer look at Asklepios' flowers and forming a small smile on his lips.

"He must have been hit pretty hard, right? Red carnation stands for deep and passionate love and cornflower for the fact that he will not give up his hope for you. Isn't it?" Remus said, looking me in the eye again, his eyes glaring at me knowingly.

"Unfortunately. But I... there's always Severus in my heart," I said softly, looking at my clasped hands in front of me. That's when something came to mind.

"Where's my locket?" I searched for the robe I had been wearing, but the room was empty. Remus hesitated, but he slowly reached into his side pocket and pulled out a silver necklace with a pendant and placed it in my hands. I looked at it lovingly for a moment before tying it around my neck.

"The necklace was in your inside pocket of your robe along with your wand. I didn't think I'd be so grateful to Snape again. But he got you out of there. At least that's what he told the Order," Remus said resignedly, glancing out the window of my hospital room as if to shake off the memory.

"And it's the full truth. I don't know what Dolohov would have done to me without Severus. He spoke with the tongues of angels to get me out of my situation," I said and felt again how I was briefly in his thoughts and could feel him. I noticed my face take on a dreamy expression as I absentmindedly grabbed the locket around my neck. It was he who saved me, and I thought of the moment when his thoughts and feelings briefly seemed like my own.

"Do you really think he loves you? How could he hurt you like that when he had feelings of love for you?" asked Remus in a bitter tone. I frowned at him.

"Aren't you hurting the feelings of the woman you love actually?" I asked him seriously. He gasped briefly before shaking his head vigorously.

"That's something completely different! I'm protecting Tonks from the cruelty that would happen to her if she loved me," he said angrily, his eyes fixed on me and narrowed into slits.

"Is that it? Something completely different?" I asked quietly before my gaze turned to the window, where the last snowflakes of winter danced from the sky.

"We're glad you escaped unscathed, Catherine. I hope that your experiences don't stop you from remaining active in the Order," Dumbledore said, looking at me delighted over his half-moon glasses.

"Certainly not," I replied and heard a clap from the members of the Order present, although this time I did not blush, but shuddered. What was admired here? My supposed courage in the face of the struggle? My willingness to sacrifice? Or the fact that my life would have been sealed if Severus hadn't rescued me from this dungeon, where surely the next soul after me would not be allowed to share my happiness of freedom?

Suddenly, I felt Severus' gaze rest on me for a moment. But when I looked at him, he suddenly turned to Dumbledore, who was already handing out the next tasks to the members of the Order who were willing to risk their lives with them.

But I couldn't get much out of all this because my gaze was fixed on Severus, who seemed to be hanging on Dumbledore's lips, but his gaze also seemed somehow clouded, as if only his body was trapped in this room, and I wondered where his thoughts really were. I would have loved to penetrate, but without direct eye contact it was an impossibility and I knew that I would not have had a chance without his consent. So, I left it at that, just pining for him, which Remus acknowledged with a loud clearing of the throat next to me.

"Talk to him."; he whispered to me barely audibly, but I shook my head briefly, because the fear of rejection was too great. Because that way I could keep my hope, didn't I? Should I confront him with my suspicions and my feelings, only to be bitterly disappointed afterwards? But what if it were true? If he just wanted to protect me all this time? As absurd as this would be, it was perhaps something he and Remus could have in common. The two were perhaps more similar than they thought, but with striking differences that meant everything to both of them.

"If you really love him as madly as it looks, then—" Remus began quietly, but I cut him off.

"Shouldn't you blame yourself for that?" I whispered, so that Remus immediately fell silent with a grumpy expression. In the meantime, something completely different had formed in my head that I wanted to ask Severus to do that evening. It was something that didn't let me sleep the last few nights and the reason why I had ended my sick bed early to come to this meeting.

"... and now we raise our glasses and toast that a member of our Order was able to escape Voldemort.", Dumbledore finished his monologue and raised his cup filled with wine so that all the members followed suit, but with a sidelong glance I realized that Severus was the only one who continued to avoid my line of sight, although he took a strong drag of the wine.

But I felt sick when I thought of Emmeline and Sirius, who had not survived in this new war, and at the same time I wondered which of the faces that laughed at me so vividly would be next. And my gaze met the still charred hand of Dumbledore himself, who now turned back to the other topics, more dangerous missions, while my gaze rested on his old body. How much longer would he be able to withstand all this? And what question seemed even more depressing: who was to succeed him? This organization was tied to him.

I swallowed the bitter fear of such an unimaginable future to let my gaze drift to Severus, who seemed to be lost in his own thoughts again, which gave me the opportunity to look at him again. The man I loved and who was also my saviour and whose motives I clearly needed to find out. But there was another priority, I tried to remind myself when all the members of the Order stood up to say goodbye or help Molly with dinner.

So, I registered how Severus, as usual, left the table as quickly as possible and was the first to enter the dark corridor of Grimauld Place. To follow him, I bumped painfully against the edge of the table, but I didn't care. I had to reach him, and I cut everyone off with a shake of my head before anyone could open their mouths to ask me what had really happened to me at Malfoy Manor.

"Severus! Stop! I need to talk to you," I called after him and cursed myself at the same time as the portrait of the old Lady Black scolded us again. But to my astonishment, Severus stopped, and with a wave of his dark wooden wand, the curtains swung over the drooling lady, so that her insults fell silent.

When he turned to me, his eyes took on a strange glow, so I had to swallow to collect my thoughts.

"I hear," he said in a low and sonorous voice, while his gaze swept over my face.

Suddenly the door slammed shut behind us, causing me to cringe noticeably. But it was only Alastor and Kingsley who came out of the kitchen and curiously walked past us to disappear into a starry night. Severus, however, looked at me with a strange expression on his face until we were undisturbed again.

"Unfortunately, the shock is still a little bit in me," I explained with a shrug and heard the sadness in my own voice. Severus raised his eyebrows so that his forehead looked like it was set in worry lines.

"I see," he replied quietly in a low voice. "I hope there's a good reason for you to run after me."

"It actually exists. It's about Darwin. Do you think it's possible to get him out of Malfoy Manor somehow?" I asked Severus and his face hardened.

"You mean the vampire? Why?" he asked, slowly crossing his arms over his chest. But he couldn't unsettle me, I had already prepared the words to justify my idea to Severus and also to Albus, if there was even the slightest possibility.

"He's certainly seen a lot down there. Plans and conspiracies. It would certainly be an advantage if the leader of such a powerful vampire organization was our friend and-" I began, but Severus raised his hand to stop me.

"He's dead," Severus said coldly. "He died the night I got you out of there."

"No! Damn, That was not supposed to be like that, he didn't deserve this!" I shouted loudly, my hand finding support on the wall for help, before Mrs. Black screamed down the hall again. But this time it was Tonks who closed the curtain in passing and turned to me briefly.

"Is everything alright?" she asked worriedly as she looked into my palest face and gave Severus an angry look. "I was just about to leave. Do you want me to go with you?"

"No... I just... something that shocked me. It's all ok. I'll be fine, Tonks. I'll see you… tomorrow," I stammered, hoping she would just disappear so I could get myself into my whirlwind of emotions under the staring black eyes of Severus, who were still glued to me. She looked at me confused for a brief moment before her gaze caught a sadness that had clung to her so often in the last few months and which had become my own in the meantime. Luckily for me, Tonks nodded and disappeared through the front door after turning around again.

"You should have accepted her offer in your condition. Or are you hoping for Lupin's company?" he asked mockingly. "He doesn't seem to be there if you're counting on him. Or are you waiting for your new lover, Sharp?"

"You know very well that Asklepios is only a friend and colleague," I said in a tense voice and thought of the kiss, which now seemed to be from another life.

"It looked to me like he felt more for you than that. The Dark Lord has found something in your memories, I suppose?" His voice suddenly sounded as cold and harsh as it often sounded when he spoke to unpleasant people. His black eyes glared viciously at me, while his lower jaw pushed forward slightly. It was an unmistakable sign of great anger seething within him.

"I showed the Dark Lord what he was supposed to see. You were the one who taught me this. Do you remember?" I asked and felt my voice become soft and my gaze looked transfigured into the past when I still knew Severus was so close to my side.

"You've never shown such talent that I think it's possible that you'll have something to stand up to the Dark Lord." His voice was cold and his gaze swept over my furrowed brow in disbelief.

"I had the best teacher by my side," I whispered, shaking my head.

"Not even I would be able to teach Occlumency to the perfection of deceiving the Dark Lord to someone who reveals the own feelings so clearly like you." He spat the words like poison at me, which made me shudder. "You have to have feelings for Sharp."

"Are you jealous, Severus? But you know very well that Asklepios is... not you," I replied, looking for his cold gaze uncertainly.

"Certainly not. I don't care who shares your bed. Whether Lupin or Sharp. I don't care," Severus said with raised eyebrows and turned to leave. My heart spasmed at his words, but my mind jumped in and held him back.

"Wait. I want to thank you, Severus! If it wasn't for you, I would be... I've been lost," I said in a shaky voice, so that his gaze lost some of its usual sharpness.

"I have done what a member of this Order must do. It's my job to save the innocent. Even if you have been so foolish as to go on this suicide mission," he said in a short-tempered tone. Was he trying to balance out the softness of his eyes? I bit my lower lip, which he acknowledged with a wrinkle in his nose. "Would you like to at least explain to me why Lupin was so cowardly and left you defenseless in this house full of snakes? Why didn't your good friend protect you? If he cares so much about you, why didn't he sacrifice his life, but yours?"

"You know I didn't give him a choice," I replied with a sigh, Severus was still full of hatred for Remus.

"There's always a choice when you love someone," Severus whispered with a bitter undertone that made me look up and take notice. His eyes were narrowed into slits, but they seemed to be watching me. My throat tightened in the aftermath of his words. Could it be that he meant what I wanted to put into his words?

"Do you do that? To love me?" I asked, trying to smile a little, but I had to watch as his mouth made a grimace of contempt and my hope faded away like ice in the blazing summer sun.

"I think I've made myself clear enough. Or did your memory suffer so much at Malfoy Manor?" he asked dismissively, which made me swallow.

"Severus, I don't know why it's so unbearably difficult between us right now, but I want you to know that I'll be waiting for you. I wait for you every night and I know that will never change. Even though I know I shouldn't after all you've told me, but I love you. Always, Severus," I whispered, taking the only chance I saw for both of us. I wanted him to know that I still loved him. Even if he only had Lily in his mind. My heart belonged to him. I couldn't help but love Severus.

For a while, his black eyes stared at me motionlessly, and his breathing became a little heavier before parting his compressed lips.

"Was that all?" he asked harshly without reacting to my words and was already turning around, but something inside me cried out. I didn't want to end this conversation, I didn't want to let him go. "Wait, Severus," I whispered, reaching for him, but I could only reach his robe, which my hand clawed at as he strode away.

A loud tear and something fell to the ground. Severus opened his eyes and when he turned around and realized it, a soft gasp escaped his lips. His hand reached for the paper on the floor, but was quicker and picked it up.

I turned it over in my hand and saw that it was a moving and very worn photograph. A young woman smiled happily at me on the grounds of Hogwarts. Her long hair blew gently in the wind that swept through Scotland from time to time. It was as if it were a woman from another life and yet I recognized myself immediately before Severus snatched it out of my hands and made it disappear into his robe. All of this happened in a few heartbeats that made me race. I looked up to examine his face, which was contorted with shock. It was as if this one photo had debunked the truth. He carried me around with him all the time close to his heart.

When our eyes met, his façade finally blurred like a house of straw in a storm. He pushed me against the cold wall with tremendous force before his lips touched mine. I gasped in surprise into his open mouth before my lips closed around his in a passionate kiss like those of a famished animal. My mind was suddenly empty. Any open questions, concerns, or good sense—all of that was gone in that passionate kiss as his lips sucked on mine, our tongues began to weave around each other, and my mind began to shut down with disbelief and joy.

But the danger of being discovered, the thought- that this was not allowed to exist - WE were not allowed to exist like that- was still omnipresent in both of us and crept over us as quickly as the intensity of our feelings.

We dispersed, scanning the room around us, before it grabbed my upper arm and I suddenly found myself in the closet where I had confronted him a few months ago and where he had insisted on his cold feelings. But that was no longer an issue when I felt his hands in my long hair, his lips on my collarbone and his quick warm breath on my neck. I pulled his whole body even closer to me so that there was not an inch between us.

I felt the powerful desire to touch him everywhere, because there was no better feeling in the world than to feel the man you love so closely. I felt his hard erection pressed against my legs and thought of his smooth, soft skin capable of so much pleasure –

Yes. I needed him. And I needed him right now. After all these months, it was almost unbearable. Everything in my head seemed to stand still. I had no more thoughts, no questions. Only desire to take possession of it again.

My hand crept past his waistband into his crotch and let him a loud moan glide over his slightly parted moist lips, causing my inner walls to become wet.

He looked into my eyes, which were only half open with happiness as I began to run my hand up and down his stiff member as a drop of his pleasure ran over my hand.

He was now fiddling with his tight pants, while I began to find his mouth again with my lips, from which the air escaped quickly and swiftly with arousal.

When he had unzipped his pants, I suddenly felt his graceful fingers between my legs push my lace underpants aside. With a movement, he quickly found my entrance, which was ready to receive him immediately.

"So wet..." he whispered in a voice that sounded like pure sex. I felt myself back in this twister from which I never wanted to find the exit.

"Whenever I think of you, Severus," I replied with a wry smile before his lips engulfed me again.

But then I heard someone call my name out loud... Remus was looking for me, but I didn't want to hear him, I didn't want to shatter this dream. I wanted to continue to indulge in this indescribable rush of happiness and desire. But the shouts that grew louder tried to pull me out of the vortex.

But it was Severus who pulled away from me with a sudden jerk. Questioningly, I looked into his black bottomless eyes.

"It's amazing that Lupin is there when it comes to preventing further rash action," he breathed on my forehead before kissing me goodbye.

"I can't stand it for another hour," I whispered. "I must have you with me, Severus."

"We meet by the sea, just like we used to. I'll wait for you there," he replied, lovingly brushing the tangled strands of my hair behind my ears before nodding to me.

I had to summon all my strength to pull away from this man with the black hair and step out into the uncomfortable hallway, where I could still hear the voice of Remus looking for me on the upper floors. I sighed loudly before revealing my whereabouts to him, knowing full well that Severus was aware of everything in the wall chamber and that our bodies and souls were consuming each other one by one.

Remus insisted on taking me to my apartment, but I was able to stop him from cooking me dinner by pretending to be tired after all the exertion. And indeed, I could still feel the after-effects of the injuries that had been sustained to my body and soul at Malfoy Manor. But everything seemed irrelevant to the prospect of being in Severus' arms in a few minutes.

Still, there was a shadow and a reluctance in my heart when I thought of what had happened between us. After all, his words still hurt like little pinpricks in my skin. And when I arrived alone at the cottage by the sea, there was only a lonely crash of the waves against the surf. I ran into the dark house, which greeted me with a damp smell of mold. It had been empty all those months that Severus had avoided my immediacy. And now that he had told me he was waiting for me, where was he?

"Severus?" I called into the empty house, my voice shrill and almost hysterical. I ran furiously around the house to make sure he wasn't where he was supposed to be, before I went back to the open front door and the glow of the crescent moon softly lit up my face, where tears of disappointment and anger were now forming.

Had he really lied to me? Could he really have dared to have given me false hope again? My fingers involuntarily touched my lips, where I could still feel his. He was not only full of lust, it was deep love that I could feel on it. What had happened to make him break up with me again?

Furious, I clenched my hands into fists and angrily pounded them against the hard wood door frame. The pain of this shock ran through my tender skin and limbs, but it was exactly what I wanted to feel to dampen the pain of my heart. How could it happen again?