THE FORGOTTEN
I Thost nan Lúth
The Scent of Blossoms
Author's Note: The chapter in which – Thranduil and Lothril take a walk through a garden and Thranduil apologizes with a bottle of Dorwinion. … Re/reading in real time date: March 29.
Legolas had not spent a day working on his garden since the first frost but the weather now was perfect for planting lilacs. Lothril, meanwhile, had spent the last two weeks in her garden, often alone though at times with Legolas, Mindonith and Belneth, or a couple royal gardeners, clearing out everything to dirt. After just over two weeks she was at a point where she could do no more and called in woodcutters to remove the trees. It was day two of that project and she had nothing to do, so Thranduil offered to distract her for a day while Legolas moved in the lilac bushes.
It really couldn't have been a lovelier day! Thranduil took her to the side of his garden that was furthest away from the planned lilac grove. The spring sun filtered in through the bright blossoms in the trees carpeting the path and the tiny glowing wildflowers in shattered dancing light. The flowers were bright and swaying gently in the soft breeze, heavily throwing their perfume into the air along with the flowering bushes and shrubs and vines that seemed to be simply everywhere.
"Oh, Thranduil! I thought your garden lovely in autumn, but this is… it is like walking through a living bouquet!" Lothril declared, looking around wide eyed and smiling. It was beautiful and she wanted to burst into song, but she couldn't think of anything pretty enough at the moment.
"Thank you," Thranduil said with a smile. "Spring is truly the season where it shines brightest."
They walked along and Lothril asked him about the flowers, as Elrond had focused almost exclusively on medicinal plants, and Thranduil happily told her about the varieties he grew. Lothril typically was the sort to just stroll through museums or gardens or things and only stop for a few seconds to read a placard if something caught her attention. In here though, she could hardly keep herself from stopping and enjoying the flowers. Each time she thought she was ready to move on, the breeze would stir again and bring a new aspect to the beauty. She was starting to understand why he had seats and benches everywhere – it was so he could sit and enjoy his garden from every angle. They finally came to a turn in the path that led to a ten foot or so stretch of path that was tunneled in overhanging flowering branches and trellises covered in climbing vines and flowers.
As soon as they walked in Lothril got a strange feeling. Something about this seemed familiar… smelled familiar. Oh! All at once dark, long repressed, nearly forgotten memories came flooding back to her. These were memories not even Elrond or Legolas had seen that she had shoved into the back of the closet in the locked room in her mind. They were some of her most hated recollections she had most wanted to forget and now they were playing across her mind in living color. Whatever scent it was supposed to be, the combination of flowers on this tunneled pathway was it; or close enough to it to have the smell conjure mostly forgotten memories of that one time, that scented lotion mixed with her perfume that had been the background to … she shuddered.
Thranduil had noticed she had paused, but the abruptness of it is what made him turn and study her face. Her eyes were unseeing and her face looked pinched slightly between the brows, her mouth set in a hard line, her fists clenched at her side. This was concerning.
"Lothril," he said gently. She did not stir. "Lothril!" he said again but a little louder but the only reaction was for her to look more troubled than before and like she was trying not to burst into tears. "Lothril, hȇn nîn, tolo hafo di nin. (Lothril, my child, come sit with me.)"
She nodded slightly and he put an arm around her and led her back the way they came and to the nearest bench where they sat. He studied her face carefully and let her sit in silence. The breeze picked up again and was coming from the opposite direction of the tunnel of flowers and she took a deep breath and sighed.
"I had my guard down. I thought there was nothing here and it was behind me and then out of nowhere…" she trailed off. "I am sorry I fell apart like that for no… I had forgotten and then that smell…It all came back."
Let her guard down? From what? What was here to guard against in his flower garden, of all places? Thranduil really had no idea what she was talking about, but her speech and behavior – it was exactly what he had seen from people who have seen dark things. Perhaps the war had left her with some scar? But what would trigger such dark memories in a flower garden?
"There is nothing to fear here, Lothril, I promise. You are safe here," Thranduil said in his warmest and most reassuring and comforting ada voice, softly taking her hands in his.
"I know," she said wearily. She looked troubled, almost haunted, and she was trying very, very hard not to let on and to control herself.
"And yet you are troubled," Thranduil said quietly. "Tell me what has troubled you so I may see to it that it never troubles you so again."
She shook her head. "It was the flowers in there, but I would not dare ask you ruin your garden because of me."
"Lothril, I have seen such haunted faces before and from those who have seen dreadful things. If there is something in here that causes you to be plagued by a past darkness, I will burn it all to the ground before I will suffer you to endure it again," Thranduil said. "You are marrying my son soon and will be my daughter. Tearing out a few flowers is nothing if it keeps dark shadows from haunting you."
"No, I – I would consider it a personal favor if you left it alone. This is a shadow I am determined to destroy," she said firmly. "And so far, the only method seems to be by dragging it out into the light and letting it die in the sun." She took a deep breath and held onto his hands tightly. "The flowers themselves are fine. It is the scent. It reminded me strongly of something my cousin used to wear."
"Your cousin?" he repeated, clearly not understanding why this would be unsettling to her.
"My cousin used to avauthant nin and… Matilda happened to be wearing a perfume that smelled like that on one of the more – on one of the occasions I have tried hardest to forget. The smell of those flowers brought it all back," she explained.
"Avauthant am len?" Thranduil asked, exerting all his will power to keep his voice calm.
Lothril nodded and proceeded to explain how it came to happen at all and then without even really wanting to, she began telling him about the memory that had come to mind. He let her talk, he listened with growing anger and sorrow but he kept it in check to let her talk. Never had she so much as hinted to any of this before, at least not that he noticed. When she finally finished with her story he was silent for a moment before he could bring himself to speak.
"Oh Lothril… I am grieved that happened to you! How did you endure it? I am so sorry that happened to you. That was evil – but you are safe here. It is past." He reflexively hugged her and she hugged him back and choked back the tears that threatened her.
"I know," she replied at length. "And that is why I want you to leave these flowers. I have spent enough years with her and her actions haunting me and dictating what I do or not or how I feel. I am determined to be done with it. She is not in this world and I will not let the shadow of her wickedness hang over me here. Leave the flowers. Leave them and I will replace these dark shadows with light."
Thranduil nodded and said, "I will leave them. Does Legolas know what happened to you?"
Lothril nodded. "He has known since he confessed his feelings to me in Lothlórien. I supposed it was only fair he know immediately."
"Does anyone else know?" Thranduil asked.
"Elrond. He found out first and essentially on accident," she answered. "He has been counseling me ever since, and Legolas also since Minas Tirith."
For a split second Thranduil almost asked her why Legolas too but then he realized the sad truth – she had been wounded and was healing, and Legolas was to be her healer and caretaker. Far more so than he himself ever had to be with Lauríel. "What has Legolas' response been to all of this?" Thranduil asked.
"Honestly, better than I ever could have hoped. When I first told him I expected him to at least hesitate before deciding to move forward with our relationship, but he did not hesitate." She smiled a little at the memory of her telling him he could break things off before they began and before she can get all the words out, he was crushing his mouth to hers and that kiss! "He embraced me as I was and immediately took on my struggles as his. As we have wrestled through every shadow of my past, he has been stalwartly and unwaveringly beside me, helping me. He has not pushed me even once to do anything I am I not ready to do, but he will not let me retreat either. Every inch of progress I have made has been hard won and he will not let me concede it once it is."
Thranduil smiled. He knew he had raised a good son, but it seemed now he had raised a great one. "I am very glad to hear that."
She nodded and blinked back the tears that threatened to form. "He has been very good to me and incredibly understanding. What I went through- it is the sort of thing that leaves a lot of emotional damage and - well, I am sure you would rather not -"
He took her hands in his. "Lothril, I told you before I already think of you as a daughter and I meant it. If there is anything at all you need or want to talk about, I am here and more than willing to listen," He said.
"Well... I thank you. But I warn you, this is all a nasty tangled mess I am in the midst of sorting out."
"I am not young even by our reckoning. I may not have endured exactly what you did, but I have been through many dark and painful places. I well understand how hidden scars hurt and how the pain in one place affects the whole. Already I can guess what some of the damage may be and it makes me marvel at our past conversations. I am surprised you can suffer to be touched at all by anyone... And now I understand even better why you struggled so to express your wants to Legolas."
"You do not miss anything, do you?" Lothril commented with a funny little half smile.
"Do not underestimate your subtlety, pen mell. I had no idea you had suffered so until just now, but now that I know, everything falls into place," he replied.
"That makes sense. Since you have guessed it partially, I might as well set things straight for you. I do not mind being touched, hugged, and so forth. I never have and Matilda did nothing to change that because she never touched me in a way that a sensible or decent person would. It was always rude and rough... Or inappropriate or perverse. So please, do not feel the need to second guess hugging me or taking my hand or anything like that. I like feeling the connection. I have... Well, there are a few long stories to this, but the short of it is I have been made to feel isolated and lonely quite a bit... And I really like feeling warmth and connection. As well, what I told you before is all perfectly true and why I struggle to let on what I want. Mix that in with what Matilda did and... Well... I learned very quickly what I wanted either was wrong or did not matter and expressing it was out of the question."
"That is terrible! Oh Lothril! Oh my dear Lothril," Thranduil said, full of sympathy and sorrow. He held her hands and was pensive for a moment. "I do not know what aid I can offer you, but if you ever need to talk, I will listen."
She hugged him and said, "Thank you!"
He took both of her hands in his. "How are you feeling, pen mell?"
"I am doing better," she replied.
He studied her eyes a moment before saying, "If you bluffed this well at cards you would win. You do not feel fine."
"You, Legolas, and Elrond - I swear read me like an open book!"
"If it makes you feel better, I am known for being very perceptive," he replied.
"Marginally. Must come in handy as king."
"It comes in handy as a father also. I am also known for not being easily sidetracked and dissuaded. Talk with me - how do you feel and what do you need?"
She shook her head and slumped a little before sitting up straight and answering, "I do not know and for both questions. I am having a wretched time trying to sort out my feelings and I don't know what to do with them."
"Would you be willing to try something?" Thranduil asked.
"Thranduil, you are the sort of person I will say yes to every time because I know I can't get in trouble."
He smiled. "Indeed you cannot. Come with me. Do you have a change of clothes on the practice field?"
"I do," she answered, wondering very much where he was going with this.
"Perfect!"
He led her out of the garden and to the practice field and told her to go change and come down to a side door. It was empty in there except for Thranduil who was only wearing a short sleeved tunic and leggings.
"Alright, what are we doing?" Lothril asked as she walked up to him. This placed looked like a gym for boxers.
"We are going to practice boxing."
"If I ask why, are you going to answer?"
"Yes. Because I think you need to hit something and you haven't and though I do not mind a black eye and a broken rib, I do have an aversion to a split skull, which I would surely receive if we sparred with swords," he answered.
"I can't hit you," she protested.
"We shall see about that," he said with a smirk. "Do you know how to throw a punch?"
"Erestor and Glorfindel both did a little boxing with me, but we didn't do much because we decided sword play was more important. Glorfindel said though that I was promising," she answered.
"Good start. Let's see it," he said, gesturing to a punching bag hanging off to one side. He watched her exhibit well formed, if not very powerful series of punches on the bag. "Good form. Now, so Taraves does not yell at me later, come here and let me wrap your hands."
She went over to Thranduil and watched as he wrapped in between each finger and all the way down her wrist and a couple inches onto her forearm.
"You let your healer yell at you?"
"I find it wise not to tempt the good will of the person who heals you when injured," Thranduil replied.
Lothril gave a quiet chuckle and a smile but didn't comment.
"Now what?" She asked.
He walked over to the bag and stood beside it and said, "This is everything you were feeling in my garden. Now hit it."
She punched it with about the same force as her last punch.
"Clearly you did not hear me. This is everything you were feeling in my garden. All of it. Now hit it again."
She punched it again with more force, causing the bag to undulate slightly on its chain.
Thranduil put his hands on it to keep it from moving and said, "Is that all you were feeling? You just told me about what Matilda did to you."
Lothril hit it again, harder.
"Gin neithant, Lothril," he said in a low but clear voice like he was reminding an elfling not to do something. He had to try a little to stop the bag this time, but not very much. Not nearly enough. "Gin mathant."
The punch she threw after that finally felt serious but he knew from fighting her she had more to give. He didn't want to, but someone had to do it. He began circling her and the bag and kept his voice cold and level.
"Man carnen ogol na 'ind a gûr gîn. Carnen ogol na i thaw gîn!"
Now the bag began to dance in place on the chain as she punched it. This was better, but still not enough. He knew what she was capable of and he could see on her face she was fighting back her feelings. He decided to let some of his own anger seep into his voice.
"Naediant gin. Caethant rhugar dan raw gwîr gîn."
The bag was now starting to swing and dance where it hung and the punches reverberated around the empty room. Her face was starting to contort with anger.
"Caethant breged an gin. Caethant harnas an gin ind, fëa, a hröa. Gin avauthant, Lothril!"
The punches were now hard and fast and her eyes started to take on a fiery glint to them.
"Ragant innas gîn, helthant hell gin –"
"Baw!" She snapped, still hitting the bag fast and hard.
"-tengiant sed said-"
"BAW!" she yelled, hitting the bag so hard that sand started coming out.
"-tha ceathant gin carad ain na ten!"
Lothril gave a rending yell as she sent the bag flying, snapping the chain, splitting it in half to land on the floor with a loud thud, spilling sand in a pool around it. She collapsed the same time the bag did, shaking with sobs as she cried and tears poured down her face.
Thranduil caught her as she collapsed and held her, drawing her into his lap and letting her cry it all out.
"Lothril, díheno nin, (Forgive me)"
She didn't reply in any way for a minute and then when she did, it was only to nod as she cried. Some minutes later Lothril calmed down and dried her eyes on her sleeve. "Thank you, Thranduil. I feel better somehow."
"I feel badly about pushing you that far," he said, sounding very contrite and apologetic.
"No, do not feel badly about it. You were right. I needed to work through all that. I needed to feel it and do something about it," she said and then shuddered from the spent tears.
"I may have been right, but I know that still hurt. To make up for it, let me tell you what I usually do after something like this, and I have already arranged everything if you decide you want to," Thranduil said.
"Thranduil, even after this, I will still say yes," she said with a little smile.
Thranduil smiled. "I am honored. Well, what I usually do after something like this is get a bottle of wine and go soak in the hot spring to relax."
"I cannot tell you how good that sounds!"
They headed back in and as they walked through the halls she remembered the only swimsuit she had was that teasing little amethyst one. What were the odds if she tied the laces on the shorts tight she would be able to close the sides and sit without ripping a seam? Either way, she was darn near certain he would figure out that suit was made to tease his son... Even with elven nature being what it his and him being… well, him… this was about to be horrifically awkward and weird at minimum.
Why had she agreed to this?
Good grief! How does she manage to land herself in these horribly awkward moments? She should just tell him she's decided she wants to be alone. No, because that's a lie and she's a terrible liar, never mind perceptive Thranduil. Maybe she could reach Legolas and have him call her away. Maybe she could wear the cover-up… it was the same material…
The thoughts whirled in her head as they approached their wing. They bypassed the passage where their respective bedrooms were and went straight to the hall with the pool.
Oh dear...
Just then Merion and Estelneth emerged from the pool room and bowed.
"Everything is arranged how you asked, my king," Merion said.
"Your green swimming clothes are waiting for you, milady," Estelneth said, as matter of fact as ever.
"Thank you," Lothril said, her face more or less neutral, but feeling horribly confused. Green?
They went inside the pool room.
"If you like, I will leave you to yourself unless you would like company," Thranduil said.
"I really don't want to be alone right now," Lothril confessed.
"Understandable."
Thranduil left her in the alcove with the hooks to change behind a screen he had asked be brought in.
Sure enough, behind the screen was a green suit on a hanger. It looked like a one piece that laced up the front had a very leafy vibe to it what with some thin gold stitching that reminded her of veins in a leaf.
She changed into it and looked down at herself, questions buzzing through her mind. Where did this come from? Was it hers? If it was hers, who designed it and why did someone decide to have the laces go down almost to her navel? At least the thing wasn't high cut around the legs. If this was hers, this felt like a joint effort between Legolas and Filegon. If it wasn't, somebody had nice tastes and she was going to borrow it for her more public one, but without the insanely deep neckline that she tightened up so it was closed into a far more sensible neckline.
She tried to undo the wrapping on her wrist, but she couldn't get the knot undone, so carefully peeked around the corner to see the alcove was empty. She came out to find Thranduil just a little ways ahead of her and only in his swim shorts and she really didn't think twice about it.
"Thranduil, would you mind untying the knot on my wrists?" she asked as she caught up.
He immediately stopped and turned to her. "Not at all," he answered and began undoing the knot on the proffered wrist and unwinding it for her. "Well, your knuckles are not bleeding at least. Move your hand and see if anything hurts."
She flexed her fingers and rolled her wrist as he undid the other hand. "Everything feels fine." She did the same with other. "Nothing wrong here either."
"Good! Otherwise Taravas was going to lecture me for spreading hand injuries. I fractured three knuckles over the course of that Thuringwen business because I kept forgetting to wrap my hands or wear gloves," Thranduil said with a smile.
"You what now?" Lothril repeated wide eyed as they started walking over to the hot spring.
"Pen mell, I told you I consider you my daughter already," Thranduil reminded.
Lothril turned it over in her head for a moment then asked, "Destroy any punching bags?"
"Six."
"Well… I imagine I may destroy a couple more before it is all said and done. I just get so frustrated sometimes when stupid things like in the garden happen, or something perfectly innocent and normal happens and reminds me of her, or I start getting in my own way and-"
"If you need to hit something, hit me. The rock wall is unforgiving and shattered hands take a long time to recover from," Thranduil said.
"Eh, after saving Legolas, I reckon I could heal a shattered hand fairly easily, but I would rather not find out," she said.
They reached the pool and he partially shut the door to let the temperature in that half get up a little higher as she stepped in and settled.
"Oooh, this is exactly what I need!" Lothril sighed as she sunk in to her shoulders.
"Here you are, pen mell," he said, handing her a cup of wine.
"Thank you, Thranduil," she said, sitting up a little and taking the cup. She took a sip. "You went for the good stuff, didn't you?"
"Dorwinion, 2782 Third Age. A perfect year for grapes and it has aged beautifully," Thranduil said appreciatively.
"I am flattered you are sharing it with me," she said.
"It is my pleasure. What do you think of it?"
She took another sip and said, "It is nice, but I am still not sure I can fully appreciate it."
"You are getting there though. You recognized it as one of my good wines," Thranduil pointed out.
She smiled and gave a nod. "Well, that is true." She took a couple little sips then set the cup down on a little shelf beside her and sunk back in up to her neck and closed her eyes.
Thranduil was more than fine with silence and he would have let it stretch on indefinitely except for the fact that she had a frown and a furrowed brow.
"Would you like to talk about it or do you need more wine?" he asked.
"I am fine."
"You do not have to be fine, you know. You can be very much not fine and for a very long time if needed. You can ask anyone you like, I was miserable for a century after Lauríel sailed. You have been deeply hurt and wronged, you are recently sundered from your natural kin who might have helped you through this; you have every right in the world to be not fine."
"I am not exactly fine."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"It is all very messy, awkward, and complicated."
"Pen mell, my memory goes back to the First Age. I am very well acquainted with messy, awkward, and complicated. Speak if you need to."
She sighed. "Remember how I told you about the ideas I was raised with?" He nodded and she continued. "If everything that feels like attraction or arousal between a couple is sinful before marriage, and this is paired with learning to separate what my body is feeling from my emotions because everything about what Matilda did is wrong and wicked and I just can't understand it, cope with it, or deal with it, then... well… everything with Legolas started out feeling like a completely guilt riddled pleasure, then a permitted sometimes guilty, sometimes guilt-free pleasure… then I went back there and felt like I was tied up and everything felt awkward and miserable. Then I suppose you sort of know what happened after we got back. The guilt went away and I got better at trusting my nature to stop at a given point, but then frustration set in because now that I decided all the guilt inducing rules were stupid, I began realizing every time I am on the edge of properly enjoying myself, I either freeze up or my mind runs away and thinks of something else and even when it does focus on him, it feels… distant, maybe?"
"Distant? How so?"
She frowned. "I am not sure… maybe distracted would be a better word? But then I don't… I think, rather suspect, that this is another one of those infuriating things where it should come naturally and nobody else even thinks about it, but I have no clue."
Thranduil looked thoughtful for a moment then asked, "You told me you enjoy calligraphy. What do you enjoy about it?"
She blinked a little in confusion but answered, "Well, I like writing."
"What about writing?" he asked.
"Well... to be honest, I love everything about it. I love the feel of the pen itself and the nib full of ink moving across the paper. I love the look of the clear cut lines when you've got the proper paper. I love how the ink looks fresh and how it looks dry. I love forming the letters, I love decorating them with illuminations and painting the edges, I love how the pen sounds even as it moves across the page."
"What about the text you write out?"
"I love that too," she answered.
"And how it looks when it's done?" he asked.
"Usually, if it turns out," she answered.
"Fair enough," he said with a smile. "But what do you think about while you are writing? What the words are saying, or the process of putting them on the page?"
"To be honest, I pick a text I love and find poignant to put on page, and I do love the finished product, but while I'm writing it out, I'm only thinking about the process of writing it out," she answered.
"What do you enjoy about Legolas?"
"Well, he is kind and loving and-"
"No, what do you enjoy about him when you are alone with him?"
"Wha- Ooh… Oh! I get it now…" she answered wide eyed.
"And what do you get?" Thranduil asked.
The tips of her ears turned a light shade of pink. "It is about enjoying the sensation of the moment and not thinking ahead, reflecting on the past or his character... Just letting myself enjoy the kiss, the touch, the sound in the moment, for what it is, and forget everything else."
Thranduil reached over and poured more wine in her cup. "Basically. I am very sure if you discussed any of this with Elrond he pointed out puith and all preceding and following actions are a manifestation of the love and affection between couples."
"Oh, he did. And Legolas repeated it and in no uncertain terms."
"He told me a little about things he heard taught to you back there. That mixed with what you have told me – I cannot say I am shocked in the slightest he did so."
She looked thoughtful again. "But how do I keep myself from getting distracted?" She asked herself out loud.
"I always found saying aloud whatever I was physically feeling helpful," he said.
"Oh, that seems logical- wait, you would get distracted?"
"I am a king. I run a kingdom. I am responsible for thousands of lives. It can be terribly distracting and worrisome. Being distracted in and of itself is not a horribly unusual problem. The only unusual things in your case are why you are distracted and that you did not realize where or on what your focus should be. Thus, I cannot say how helpful my advice is, but it is worth trying when you two go to bed tonight."
She cringed slightly as she said, "Oh, I forgot you know about that! You don't mind, do you?"
"Not at all. It really is none of my business. You two may do whatever you wish as long as you do not wed before the wedding feast."
"It is still really strange to me how open and candid elves are about these things."
"It is strange to me how reticent and shy you can be about them, though, I do understand why, but it is still strange to me."
"Fair enough," she said then took a sip of wine and settled back and closed her eyes. Her thoughts quickly settled on her sore hands and muscles. Between this and the two weeks of non-stop gardening, she was sore and the hot water felt nice. So did the wine. Her mind wandered a little to what sort of place Dorwinion might be and then idly mused if the Shire had the same climate as Bilbo's father clearly made wine, then she thought about the old hobbit and his adventure with the dwarves and the unexpected party where they ate all his food and drank all his – "Coffee!"
"What?" Thranduil repeated, confused and amused at the sudden interjection.
"Coffee – it exists here. The hobbits drink it. Why don't elves? Never mind, not important. What is the fastest way to get a message to the Shire?"
"Messenger bird, but unless the hobbits happen to speak the language, you would need to write it out and tie it to the bird and keep the message brief," he answered.
"I can do that. I need to write a message," she said, and started to stand up before Thranduil grabbed her arm to stop her.
"Hold a moment, pen mell. I will let you send a message, but you need to sit down and explain what you are on about."
"Oh, yes. Sorry." She settled back down into the pool. "I have been wracking my brain for months trying to think of a wedding gift for Legolas. He keeps telling me he does not want or need anything but me, which is sweet, but no. I really want to give him something. Well, just now my thoughts were wandering and I remembered that the hobbits drink coffee. Which means they either grow it, which I doubt as it seems to grow in warmer places, or they get it through trade. Either way though, it is obvious it is not in your usual trade, which means my surest way of figuring out how to get it by our wedding is to write the hobbits and have them tell me where and how they get it," she explained.
Thranduil nodded. "If you can wait two days, our usual traders from Gondor will be up for spring trading deals and we can ask them then if they know."
"Well… I suppose I can wait two days at that, especially if they are on their way."
"Word came to me yesterday they had left Dale. They go to Erebor and Dale then to us," he answered.
She smiled. "Oh good! Now the only tricky part will be keeping Legolas from asking about it."
"Leave that to me. I will arrange it so he is kept busy," Thranduil said with a sly smile.
Silence fell again for a little while then Lothril said, "I really need to figure out what to call you. I know you said I am free to call you 'adar' if I want after I am married, but… that isn't how our relationship feels to me."
"How does it feel to you?" he asked.
"I told Legolas once you almost seemed like the fun uncle who always gets you in trouble but then gets you out of it too, which is true enough, except I feel much closer to you than I did either of my uncles. And I just cannot put you in quite the same category as my dad or Elrond."
"Why not?"
"Well, I know this might sound odd, given you are a king and all, but my father is 'Dad', and Elrond is 'ada', and 'adar' seems too formal for you, and for as much as I respect you immensely, I cannot bring myself to call you something so stiff and formal as 'father' or 'adar'. Part of me wants to call you friend, but that is not close enough."
"If you like, you may call me Thran. That is what Lauríel, Gladhrion, and only a few others call me that I am particularly close to," he answered.
"I will try it out and see."
-⸙ - ⸙-
The rest of the day Lothril did not see Legolas until supper and by then she had shoved all thoughts of coffee out of her head lest she spill the beans herself.
She showed up for dinner and it was just the three of them.
"How did you find Ada's garden?" Legolas asked as they began to eat.
Lothril glanced at Thranduil who was already signaling the servants to leave. Legolas noticed this and shot both of them a questioning look. As soon as the last servant was gone Lothril answered.
"It was lovely, and come to find out whatever flowers your father is growing in that pretty trellised walkway is the same as a perfume Matilda wore once," she answered.
Legolas nearly dropped his fork. Before he could ask her with ósanwe if she was alright, she continued talking.
"And it made me remember an instance I had totally forgotten about and would have been happy to never remember, but I did, and I am afraid I worried your poor father a little."
"I take it then, you told him everything?" Legolas replied.
She nodded. "And remind me later, if you feel like hearing a bad story, to tell you what I remembered."
"Are you going to tear out those flowers?" Legolas asked his father.
"No. I offered but she asked me not to," Thranduil answered.
"You did?" he asked her.
She nodded. "Like I have said before, I want to replace those evil memories with fair ones, and earlier today was a pretty good start."
She took a drink and Legolas noticed her hand.
"Lothril, your knuckles are bruised," Legolas said with concern.
"Pen mell, you ought to have told me!" Thranduil chastised, taking her hand and examining it.
"Told you?" Legolas asked, looking at his father and then Lothril. "What all happened today?"
"You are adorable when you worry, you know that?" she said with a smile. "Anyway, after I spilled everything to your father, we talked about it a little and he asked me if I wanted to try something-"
"Oh, Ada – you didn't!"
"Yes, I did, ion nîn," he replied. "Though, I had her hit the punching bag."
Legolas frowned a little. "Well, that is better, I suppose. But tell me you did not taunt her like you have me."
"I most certainly did not! That is not her disposition."
"I reckon it was more or less just saying things plainly," Lothril said. "And I needed to hear it that way. Elrond was honest and forthright, but I had just recovered from being a sobbing, hysterical mess so he was gentle about it. Elrond had to tell me what it was that happened and help me see it clearly. You," she said, looking at Thranduil, "said it brutally and harshly for what it was and I needed to stare it all in the face and do something about it. Never thought I would find punching something so helpful. Thank you again, Thranduil."
"You are welcome, pen mell."
She looked at Legolas. "I do sort of regret now though, not punching her myself at her graduation. But oh well. I still derived a measure of satisfaction from destroying that punching bag."
"Did he give you wine and have you soak in the hot spring afterwards?" Legolas asked.
She nodded. "Dorwinion… what did you say? 2782?"
"That was the one," Thranduil confirmed.
Legolas looked impressed. "Oh, you did feel bad about it," he said to his father. "That was not the last bottle, was it?"
"No, there is one more and I am saving it for you to use at your discretion," he answered.
"So what were you up to all day?" Lothril asked Legolas.
"Working in my garden, but that is not important. How are you feeling after such a day?" he replied.
"Oh, I am fine. I had a moment, I punched a thing, I relaxed and had a lovely conversation with your father afterwards. I really am quite fine," she answered.
He studied her face a moment. "For once I do not think you are bluffing. So there you have it! You clearly need to work through this stage physically and aggressively."
She nodded. "That was my conclusion."
"I think you two ought to celebrate this discovery," Thranduil said, looking overly innocent.
Lothril raised a brow. "And this is why I have a hard time calling you 'ada'."
"I am sure I have no idea what you are talking about," he replied.
"Uh-huh."
"I suppose that decides our plans for the evening," Legolas said with a smile.
"Nay, it only decides tonight. You could still play a game or swim – which reminds me, I think it is adorable you both having matching green swimming clothes," Thranduil replied.
Legolas raised a brow. "Green?"
"Green. As if you did not know," Thranduil said.
"Oh, I know, but I did not realize she did," Legolas said.
"I knew it! I just knew it!" Lothril exclaimed.
"Aha! I thought you looked confused when Estelneth told you it was there," Thranduil said.
"And everything makes sense now!" Lothril said then took a drink.
Thranduil caught another glance of her knuckles and asked, "Do you have something for bruises in your room?"
She nodded. "I do. I keep a wolfsbane* balm around at all times, what with the sword practice and all."
"Good." He paused. "What about something for nerves?" Thranduil asked with ósanwe.
"Nerves?"
"So you can attempt enjoying being with him." He felt a measure of hesitation in her thoughts then added, "You have been trained to have a fear response. I will send you something that will help you relax and overcome it. Please use it."
The 'please' took her off guard. In the time she had known him, which was admittedly short, he gave suggestions and he gave commands, but he didn't plead. That sounded like pleading colored with genuine concern and love for her. "I will."
"Thank you."
-⸙ - ⸙-
After dinner they headed back to her room.
"Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" he asked.
She nodded. "Yes. I have had a very emotionally exhausting day. Your father though… He was exactly what I needed, I think." She gave a crooked little half grin and muttered, "I say grace."
"Come again?"
"Never mind. Afterwards when we were in the hot spring I was telling him about my frustrations when I am with you-"
"You did?"
She nodded.
"I am proud of you!"
She smiled. "Just wait until you hear exactly what we discussed. I told him my frustrations and he helped me figure out… well, I think you are going to like it. He gave me some help figuring out how to keep from getting distracted."
"Oh? What did he suggest?"
"Well, first he helped me figure out what to focus on, which I am embarrassed to admit, I had no idea what that should be."
"Do not be embarrassed. You did as you were taught, as skewed and wrong as it was. I am just glad you figured it out, but continue - what did he suggest?"
"That I say whatever I am feeling aloud. He also said he would send me something to help me relax."
Legolas glanced back at the table and picked up a small glass bottle, uncorked it, and took a sniff. As he handed it to her he said, "I recognize this. It is very helpful for calming nerves without making one tired."
"Sounds like mead," she joked then took a sniff.
He gave a chuckle then said, "It will not loosen your tongue like mead nor leave your memory foggy come morning, but otherwise, yes."
"I take it then you have used this."
"Oh, yes. Many times for many different reasons."
She looked down at the bottle in her hands and said, "You know, if you tried to tell humans that elves take something sometimes for nerves, nobody would believe you."
"Humans are a strange lot."
She nodded in agreement. "Is this a tincture?" She asked, holding the bottle up to the light trying to see the consistency.
"Yes, it is," he answered. "I suggest mixing it with tea to make it more palatable."
Just then a servant knocked and was bid enter and Lothril saw he was bringing her tea. She thanked and dismissed the servant, who promptly bowed then left, then she turned to Legolas and said, "Your father is nothing if not thorough."
"He is at that," Legolas said as he poured her less than half a cup of tea and handed it to her then poured a full one for himself.
Before adding the tincture she blew on her tea a little to cool it off some before taking a test sip to get an idea of the flavor. "Ooh! This is nice! I do not recognize the blend though. How much of this tincture should I add?"
"That is going to depend on how you are feeling," he answered then took a sip of his tea. "I do not recognize this tea. Hm."
As she added a few drops she said, "Well, it is nice regardless." She swirled her tea cup gently and took a sip and instantly made a scrunched up face as she happy swallowed. "Ugh! Was! This stuff is strong!"
"It is worse by itself," Legolas said.
"No doubt!" She quickly added a splash of cold water to cool off her tea and quickly downed the rest in one gulp. "Oof! Too bad your father did send up a dessert too."
"It is strong but the flavor does not linger if you drink afterwards," Legolas said as he poured her a little more tea.
She thanked him and took a drink and was very relieved to have the taste wash out of her mouth with the first sip. "I really like this tea blend," she said after a second sip.
"So do I," Legolas said. "Ada always has had a knack for blending and balancing flavors."
"Ada? So your father is the one responsible for all those lovely tea blends we have at breakfast?"
"A good many of them, yes. It is a hobby of his," Legolas replied.
She gave a thoughtful little nod and sipped on her tea. After a few more sips she said, "Let's go sit on the couch instead of at the table here. I want to sit next to you."
"Yes, let's. Would you like a little more tea first?"
"I would. It is very nice!"
He poured her a little more but finished his and then they went over to the couch settled down with his arm around her shoulders. She took a couple drinks of her tea before setting it down on the table and curling up next to him.
"I think that tincture is working. I do feel quite a bit more relaxed," she said. "Can I sit on your lap?"
"Certainly," he answered with a smile.
She settled on his lap, legs and skirt draped over the couch cushions as she rested her head on his shoulder. "I do love how it feels with you holding me like this. It feels so close and intimate; feeling your chest rise and fall against me."
"That is why I invite you on my lap so often," he said and kissed her cheek. "So I can feel you."
She smiled and leaned her head down so she could kiss his neck. "Will you sing for me?"
"What would you like me to sing?"
"Anything will do. Your voice is fair and I love to hear it," she replied, settling in and resting her head on his shoulder so she could kiss his neck more conveniently.
He smiled and thought a moment then began to sing.
Fair is the alfirin that grows in the field,
Fair is the lothil that grows under tree,
But fairer to me are the petals that yield
To give the sweet kisses I long for to me.
Long did I tarry by moon and by star,
Counting years like the river that runs swift away;
Awaiting my lover to come from afar
And bring with her light like the coming of day.
Sing for me, elleth, for now you are here!
Draw close and whisper fair words of the spring.
Give me your kisses and let me draw near!
My soul needs the succor only your touch can bring.
Come into my forest and rest under bough,
Lean upon me and let me revive you with wine.
Draw nearer still and rest upon me now
And upon us let holy starlight bright shine.
Fair is the alfirin that grows in the field,
Fair is the lothil that grows under tree,
But fairer to me is my lover who yields
Her touch and her kisses I long for to me.
He finished singing and she kissed him.
-⸙ - ⸙-
A/N: *wolfsbane – the genus covers over 250 varieties of wolfsbane. In the realm of herbal and homeopathic medicine, arnica montana is used for muscle pain, bruising, swelling, etc. And for the record, when I had Lothril worry she would 'spill the beans' about coffee, that pun was very intended. :o)
