"You look tired, Mione." Neville said softly. "You okay?"
All 7 of them seemed a little out of sorts this evening, conversation hadn't flowed as easily, though the quietness had not been uncomfortable.
"I'm okay." She confirmed. "Just haven't been sleeping that well."
Hermione felt a little guilty for not sharing the offer from Minerva with her friends, but she could barely decipher her own feelings on it, and until something solid had been proposed, she didn't feel ready to discuss it.
"Nightmares?" Ginny asked. "You know you can always come and bunk in with me when that happens. I keep telling you."
"Only the one nightmare." She told her. "And you've never come and found me after you've had one."
"I usually only wake up for a couple of seconds before it pulls me right back in." Ginny rolled her eyes. "And I don't have them often."
"That must be nice. I can't remember the last time I slept through the night." Said Draco, flushing when everyone turned to look at him.
"You should try growing some Mullein in your room." Neville supplied. "They guard against nightmares. I've got some baby ones somewhere, I'll send one round."
"Thanks." Draco responded, looking surprised, embarrassed and pleased all at once.
"I'm not sure I'd ever sleep if it wasn't for all my plants." Neville shrugged.
"Yes, your bedroom is like a greenhouse with a bed in it. Not that I'm complaining." Hannah and Neville shared a smile, and silence settled again.
"Do you guys ever feel like ... like what the fuck?" Ginny asked, her arms gesticulating. "Like this time last year life was like ... like that and now, now it's..."
"Now we sit about drinking tea and chit chatting?" Lavender supplied. "I feel weird about it all the time."
"Me too." Hermione said quietly. "This time last year I was on the run with the boys hunting bits of Voldemort's soul."
"I was splitting my time watching my classmates get tortured at Hogwarts and being tortured at the Manor." Draco said.
"And we were here." Luna said softly. "Running the DA and trying not to get beaten up. Before I got taken prisoner, of course."
"And now we do nothing much at all." Hannah supplied, looking thoughtful. "It's a bit like whiplash, isn't it?"
"Ah NEWTs," said Hermione, unable to stop herself. "Nothing much at all."
They all laughed, though the mood in the room was still subdued.
"Sometimes," said Ginny quietly. "I'm so angry I can barely breathe. It takes all of my energy not to scream and rage and break things. Dr Prewett told me about the five stages of grief some people experience, she says I'm in anger and I will pass through it. But I can't imagine not feeling angry. I can't fathom ever reaching acceptance."
Hermione reached over and took Ginny's hand.
"Dr Prewett thinks I'm at bargaining." Lavender murmured. "I know being disfigured like this is in no way compares to losing a loved one, but she thinks the reason I'm working so hard this year is some unconscious attempt to try and bring my old face back, or find value in myself now I've lost my looks."
"Lavender." Draco looked serious and intent. "You've always been a hottie. You always will be."
"That's true." Luna smiled. "You'll be one of those old ladies that people look at and think how beautiful they still are."
"I wish I could believe you." Lavender smiled, though a few tears fell silently from her eyes. "Acceptance feels like a million miles away for me too."
"Lavender." Ginny said seriously. "I don't ever want you to feel like you can't be upset because you think my suffering is worse. We've all had terrible things happen to us, we don't need to compare them, or minimise them, and especially not with each other."
"I miss my parents." Said Draco. "I know they were bad people and awful to you lot. But I still miss them."
"You're allowed to, Draco." Luna squeezed his arm.
"I miss my Mum." Hannah said simply. "I feel guilty about her death all the time."
"Sometimes I wish my parents were dead." Neville said starkly. "What kind of son does that make me."
"An incredibly compassionate one." Hannah answered fiercely, taking Neville's hand.
"I feel guilty for feeling that way all the time." Neville continued. "But I honestly think it would be better for them."
The familiar feeling of guilt swelled from Hermione's stomach up into her bloodstream and pounded all around her until she could barely breathe. It twisted up into her throat and burned her eyes until she ruthlessly clamped it down, down down, not ready to examine the depths of it, not ready to map the shape of it, not ready to look anywhere near the depths of where it came from.
"I miss feeling normal." She whispered.
"Look at us all!" Said Lavender shrilly. "We're all absolute wrecks! And we just waltz about pretending to be okay!"
"No we don't." Said Luna calmly. "We all just carry on, what else is there to do? And we all have each other. We're surviving."
"And doing it rather well, I think." Hannah smiled, although her eyes were also bright.
"No talking, this week, if you please." Snape said stiffly as she handed him the tea out at Dumbledore's tomb.
'That's fine.' Hermione wanted to say. 'I've had a heavy week too. I might have a job here next year, Ginny is so angry she can't breathe, Lavender might never feel pretty again, Draco has nightmares every single night and Neville wishes his parents were dead.' But that would constitute talking, so instead she merely nodded and cupped her hands around her mug.
Perhaps this was Snape's way of trying to be considerate, she thought idly. He seemed more himself than he had last week, but he was obviously still struggling. Perhaps he was trying to prevent himself from lashing out at her again, if they stayed in silence. Her thoughts turned back to her friends. They were all so fucked up. But how could they not be, really. In a way, she was grateful for this time sitting silently with Snape. She felt safe in his presence and it finally gave her some time to process everything that had happened in the last week.
"We've never talked about your parents."
Hermione and Ginny were sitting in their favourite nook in the library in a rare free period they had together. The rain was lashing against the windows and thunder rumbled overhead. Hermione had been sleeping better and felt less overwhelmed, but there was still an uneasiness she carried around with her.
"Of course we have." She answered, her voice calm though her heart had started to beat faster.
"You've said you went to Australia and restored their memories, but they couldn't forgive you for what you did to them and asked you to leave. You've said you miss them. But we've not talked about it."
"I-" Hermione cut herself off and took a deep breath. Already her throat was burning. "I'm not ready to yet. What I did to them, Gin- I can't."
"Okay." Ginny reached over and squeezed her hand. "But you kept them safe, Hermione. You did what you had to."
"But it was ... it was such a violation." Hermione covered her face with her hands and felt herself begin to tremble as guilt, shame, rage and helplessness swarmed her.
"Okay." Ginny said again, pulling her into a rough hug. "We won't talk about it. But when you are ready-"
"You'll be the first one I come to." Hermione tried to smile.
"It's a Hogsmeade weekend soon." Ginny said with forced lightness. "Let's meet up with the boys and have a good old catch up. We're way overdue."
"Right let's talk about you and Malfoy." Ginny had insisted it was time to address this with Luna who sipped her tea and gave Ginny a blank look. "What's going on with the two of you? He likes you, you seem to like him. Have you thought about asking him out?"
"No." Luna said easily. "We wouldn't be suited long term. He wants to find a home for himself again and I want to travel the world."
"Oh." Said Hermione, smiling. "You've thought about it then?"
"So what if it doesn't work out long term?" Ginny countered. "You could keep things casual and just have some fun and I think you'd be good for each other. You aren't related, if that's what you're worried about."
"Not related?" Luna asked, her blue eyes bulging. "Of course we're not related."
"Well, what's stopping you then?" Ginny asked. "Do you just not find him attractive?"
"I think he's attractive in a slightly boring, Aristocratic way." Luna said softly, and Hermione laughed. "We've been sleeping together since Christmas, but we're both quite clear it won't be anything more than that."
A stunned silence met this announcement.
"Luna," said Ginny faintly. "You've really got to start telling us these things."
"But you didn't ask." Luna frowned. "And I don't see how it's anyone else's business."
From anyone else, it would have sounded confrontational, but both girls knew Luna well enough to understand that this was simply her way.
"We're your best friends." Ginny argued. "We tell each other stuff like this."
"You are?" Luna asked. "That's nice. I'm not sure I've had a best friend before, let alone two."
"Luna." Hermione said softly. "Is it, is it good, with you and Draco? He treats you nicely?"
"Oh yes." Luna smiled. "He's a very considerate and surprisingly gentle lover."
Hermione and Ginny shared a glance that was part horrified, part relieved, part amused.
"Well that's ... that's good." Said Hermione. "And the two of you seem to get on well."
"Yes." Luna smiled again. "We talk about everything and anything and he never tries to make me feel stupid or wrong."
"Good." Said Ginny fiercely. "He might be one of us now but I'm not above kneeing him in the privates if he treats you badly. "
"Thank you, Ginny." Luna said seriously. "And I suppose since we're best friends, I will poke Harry in the eyes if he ever upsets you."
"Oh umm." Ginny pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh. "Thanks, Luna."
Hermione hid her smile behind her hand.
"Just don't get attached, if it's never going to be more than this, that's all."
"Oh I won't." Luna said easily. "I think we'll always be friends and I like having sex with him. But when that stops I won't be sad, I don't have any sort of romantic feelings for him."
"And he feels the same?" Hermione asked.
"Yes, exactly the same. We check in with each other now and then to make sure we're both still on the same page."
"That actually sounds really healthy." Ginny grinned suddenly. "So what's he like in bed then? Apart from considerate and surprisingly gentle."
"Ginny!" Hermione groaned. "I so don't want to hear this."
Spring had finally come to Hogwarts. The snow and ice had finally cleared and the grass was green, the air crisp and the clouds puffy and white.
Hermione was the first to arrive at the grave on Sunday, and she was met with the bright purple of crocuses and the vibrant yellow of daffodils - her favourite flowers. She had taken a seat when she had first arrived, but after a few moments, she rose and crouched down near the largest clump, smiling as she tilted the head of the largest flower up at herself and inhaled their familiar, spring like scent. She didn't notice Snape arrive, and watch her with an unreadable expression on his face before it softened, just slightly, and he took his seat.
"Oh." Hermione jumped and smiled at him. "I didn't hear you coming."
She went and joined him on the bench, decanting the tea in what was becoming a familiar routine.
"I love daffodils." She supplied, unable to stop the smile spreading onto her face. "They're my favourite."
Perhaps unsurprisingly, Snape didn't comment.
"I pitched the idea of compulsory Muggle Studies and classes for muggleborns to Professor McGonagall." She said eventually, after carefully watching Snape and deciding he was on the lower end of the hostile scale today. "I haven't decided what to call them though. I'm kind of hoping she'll come up with a name. Wizard Studies sounds silly."
Snape remained silent, but didn't scold her for talking which she took as a positive sign.
"I suggested Astronomy classes are reduced in the earlier years to make room for it on the timetable and we use Isolation Wards to protect the muggle equipment. Professor McGonagall is reviewing my notes and we're going to have another meeting to discuss it once she's made some progress." Hermione tried her best not to sound smug. "And then she offered me a Transfiguration Apprenticeship."
"Oh." Hermione clapped her hand across her mouth. "I haven't told anyone about that!"
"You can't seriously think me a gossip?" Snape smirked, looking amused and vaguely derisive.
"No, sir. Of course not." Hermione smiled slightly. "It's just nothing has been finalised yet, after I proposed the amendments to the curriculum, the Headmistress said she might amend the offer to include overseeing some of it. I don't know exactly what she's suggesting, or how I feel about it. Literally no one knows."
"You haven't raised it with the group on a Friday night? Taken feedback from them all and colour-coded their responses to give you an overview on the general consensus?" Snape was mocking her, pure and simple.
"No sir." Hermione responded evenly. "I'm not quite that insufferable."
"Yes you are." He countered, but for Snape, it was barely even an insult.
Hermione merely smiled and turned her attention back to the grave. In a way, it was nice get back into the familiar territory of his sarcasm.
"Are you going to accept her offer?" Snape asked quietly, several minutes later.
"I don't know." Hermione answered honestly, surprised by the question. "I don't know exactly what she's offering and I had sort of thought I would go straight into the Ministry after Hogwarts. To Magical Law."
"But is that what you want to do or simply what you expected to do?"
Hermione frowned and thought about the question.
"I want to go into Magical Law." She said finally. "I want to bring about change. I guess that means I can't accept Minerva's offer." She felt her shoulders slump in disappointment. It wasn't until she was faced with the idea of turning down the Apprenticeship that she realised just how much she'd wanted it.
"You are aware," Snape's voice was laced with a sneer. "That you don't have to go into Magical Law the second you graduate?"
"Oh." Hermione replied faintly. "I ... I suppose I did know that."
"And yet you had decided you had to immediately pick one or the other and thus decide the rest of your life." Snape rolled his eyes. "You could easily work for another 100 years if you wanted to. There's no reason you couldn't take the Apprenticeship, stay here for a few years and then go and bore everyone rigid at the Ministry."
"You make a good point, thank you." Hermione smiled. "I'm still going to wait and see exactly what's being proposed, it will be much easier to colour code the pros and cons that way."
Snape rolled his eyes and muttered something that sounded a lot like 'insufferable.'
Hermione had felt a lot better since Snape had told her that she wasn't deciding the rest of her life by choosing whether or not to to take the Apprenticeship. She should have realised this really, but it had felt like a big overwhelming choice between following the path she'd always seen for herself or forging a new one. The idea that she could do both was exciting, and made a lot of sense. Snape's advice had been helpful and almost nice .. despite his sarcasm and scornful tone, he had really changed her perspective and made her feel so much better about the whole thing. Hermione smiled to herself. There really was so much more to him than met the eye. After scanning several Daily Prophets, picking Ginny's brain and making her own careful observations, she had decided that his standing in the Wizarding world wasn't as good as she had thought, but neither was it particularly bad. Most people seemed to accept that he had been Dumbledore's man, but still disliked him, just as Professor Sinistra did. There were those who didn't care about the evidence and still believed him a loyal Death Eater and a murderer, but on the other end of the scale there were also those and thought he was a perfect hero and some kind of dark angel. No doubt Snape would dissuade them of this if they ever came into contact with him. Within the school, attitudes also seemed somewhat divided. Some of the staff avoided Snape entirely and seemed to do their best to pretend he didn't exist, while others went out of their way to speak to him and show him respect, which he stonily ignored. The students were probably slightly more wary of him than they had been before the war, particularly the older ones, but not by much. Again there was a certain amount of cautious respect. It was true that there weren't hoards of people lining up to be Snape's friends, but it also wouldn't be impossible for Snape to make connections if he wanted to. Which he clearly didn't. Hermione sighed, the press had been pretty sensational where Snape was concerned. His story was unexpected, interesting and tragic, he was the perfect mysterious figure to be speculated about. Perhaps he simply mistrusted the motives of those around him. Perhaps he was right to.
"Millie's fierce as hell." Draco smiled as he entered her room, he was the first to arrive this evening. "I like her."
"Is she doing okay?" Hermione smiled too.
"I mean considering she's a feisty, vindictive little orphan with an attitude problem she's doing okay."
"Explain." Hermione smiled wider to herself as she finished setting up the tea tray while Draco conjured cushions.
"She's learning. She's blending in and using her wits and thinking more strategically, rather than just lashing out all the time. She's observing the social hierarchy and starting to influence it. If she can learn to control her temper she'll be a real force of nature." Draco smirked. "I've even been helping her with her homework. I think her parents were so wrapped up in each other and the War they didn't teach her basic grammar and essay structure."
"Thank you for doing this, Draco." Hermione said sincerely. "I really appreciate it."
"It's actually quite nice having a project." Draco shrugged. "Plus if I turn her into my little protégée I'll be leaving my own legacy at Hogwarts. She can run Slytherin house with an iron fist in my honour."
"I'm sure she'd be delighted that's your long term plan." Hermione rolled her eyes and let Luna and Ginny in. "I'm surprised you're not going to try and get Slytherin renamed to 'Malfoy House' or something."
"That's way too obvious." Draco scoffed. "No subtlety, no style, no finesse. You Gryffindors are hopeless."
It was dark and she was cold and so worried she could barely breathe. Hermione pushed the door of her room open and was surprised to be greeted by the worried stare of two pairs of eyes.
"Hermione." Ginny rushed forward, Crookshanks at her heels. "Have you been with Snape all this time? It's late! You missed dinner! Are you okay?!"
"How did you get in here?"
"Crookshanks let me in."
"You can do that?" Hermione stared at her cat, who stared right back, unblinking.
"I think he was worried. So was I. So am I, Hermione, what's going on? I came by to borrow your Defence book and you weren't here. I came back a few hours later and you still weren't. And you look..." Ginny took her hands and led her over to the fire where she had dinner waiting under a Stasis Charm. "Hermione, did he do something to you? You're scaring me."
"He didn't come."
"He didn't go to the tomb?" Ginny asked and Hermione nodded. "And you've been waiting out there for him all this time?"
"Yes." Said Hermione, feeling like she might cry. "I thought he might just have been held up and I didn't want him to come out and find that I didn't wait for him."
"But he didn't go?"
"No." Hermione gulped. "It's not like him. I'm so worried I feel like I'm choking."
"Okay." Ginny summoned a blanket for Hermione's legs and handed her the plate of lasagne. "Eat something, even if you only have a few mouthfuls. I'll find him on the Map."
Hermione opened her mouth to protest after the way Snape had reacted last time, but this was different, surely. She was worried for his safety and wellbeing.
"He's in his rooms." Ginny announced several minutes later. "So nothing to worry about."
Hermione frowned thinking about this. He was safe, at least, but...
"I'm still worried. He could be ill or... or upset or-"
"Then ask Minerva to check on him." Ginny shrugged slightly. "You can't just go marching round there. We have no reason to think anything is wrong."
"You know I can't send anyone round, Ginny." Hermione said, irritated. "That would involve explaining this whole thing. This isn't like him."
"Fine." Ginny sighed. "He's never missed a week before?"
"Not since the very beginning."
"Okay, I'll give you that it's weird." Ginny frowned. "But I maintain there's nothing to be done right now. If he's not at breakfast or Potions tomorrow then go to Minerva. But he might have just been busy or have a cold or not feel like seeing you today. Eat the rest of your dinner and get to bed, it's already late. Plus the sooner you sleep the sooner it'll be morning and you'll know."
Ginny gave her a tight hug, gathered the textbook she'd come for and left through the entrance to the Common Room.
"I don't care what she says, Crooks." Hermione said softly, forcing herself to eat a bit more dinner. "Something isn't right."
But Ginny was right that she couldn't think of anything she could do about it. Hermione showered and changed into her pyjamas still struggling not to cry. If he wasn't at breakfast she was going down to the Dungeons and breaking the door down. He would be angry, and rightly so, but sod it, she was loosing her mind over here. After brushing her teeth, washing her face and staring at pale, her wide eyed reflection for several seconds, she got into bed and stared at the ceiling, trying to force herself to relax.
A crack a few minutes later had Hermione bolt upright, wand lit and adrenaline pumping before she'd even registered what had happened.
The end of the bed was now taken up with a fairly large house elf who was wringing his hands and looking like he was about to cry.
"Miss must come." He said. "Miss must come now."
Then he punched himself in the face.
"Okay." Hermione said, grabbing his hands. "I'll come, no punishing yourself."
"Alf is being a bad elf!" He cried, trying to pull his hands free. "Or might be being a good elf. Alf doesn't know."
"Alf!" Said Hermione firmly. "NO punishments. Now tell me what's going on, and I'll come with you."
"Master of Potions is needing you." Said Alf, tears leaking from his large blue eyes.
"Professor Snape?!" Hermione asked. "Is he okay?! What's happened?!"
"He is needing you, but he is not wanting you, or anyone. He will be so angry with Alf." The elf cried harder for a moment before gathering himself. "But the Headmistress is telling elves to look after Master of Potions, and he is needing someone. You is the the only one he is able to stand."
"Alf." Said Hermione, very seriously. "You've done the right thing, okay? You've been a very, very good elf. I need you to tell me what's happened."
"Slytherin house is very angry with each other, Master of Potions is having to break up a fight, then he is coming back to his rooms and drinking and throwing things and ... and being very upset. He is saying bad things, things that is making no sense. He is needing you."
"Okay." Hermione said breathlessly, her heart thundering in her chest. "No matter how angry he is Alf, you've done the right thing, you've been a good elf, promise me you'll remember?"
"Alf will." Said Alf solemnly. "And Miss must remember it too."
"I will." Hermione affirmed, unsure exactly what she was agreeing to. "Take me to him."
It would have been nice, Hermione thought, as she stood in her scraggy old t-shirt and shorts in the middle of Professor Snape's living room, to have had the foresight to at least put on her dressing gown and slippers. Alf was nowhere to be seen, apparently having dropped her off and left. The room was ... Hermione glanced around, feeling slightly hysterical. It had been mostly destroyed. The paintings had been pulled down and smashed, several end tables had been overturned, the floor was strewn with broken objects and scattered paper, and there was a smashed bottle of whiskey on the floor giving the whole room a strong aroma of alcohol. Silently, she waved her wand and pushed all the glass to a corner, thinking injured feet wouldn't be helpful right now.
At that moment, Snape appeared from a door at the far end of the room, wand raised, teeth bared. His voluminous outer robes had been removed leaving him in a black shirt and trousers, but he still looked utterly formidable, until he took a step forwards and stumbled slightly, balancing himself with a hand on the wall.
"I should kill you where you stand." He hissed, and Hermione felt herself flush with fear and adrenaline. Something was very wrong here. "Perhaps I'll take you to the Dark Lord instead. I'm sure my fellow Death Eaters would enjoy making an example out of you." He stepped towards her. "We could crush your pathetic rebellion once and for all."
He was ... he thought ... Hermione's brain struggled to keep up. She was scared, but perhaps less so than the situation warranted. He seemed to be in some sort alcohol induced flashback... She took a deep breath and forced herself to find calm.
"I know I'm safe with you, sir." She said quietly. "I know you're doing everything you can to keep the students safe."
Snape blinked at her and took a step back.
"You... you know?" He whispered, his black eyes impossibly wide.
"That you're Dumbledore's man? Yes, sir, I know."
Snape stumbled back from her, stowed his wand held his head in his hands.
"I thought I was all alone." He whispered, and Hermione heart ached so badly she could barely stand it.
"You're not alone." She said softly, pleased that her voice came out steady. "Come and and sit down."
She guided Snape over to his sofa and he slumped back against it, looking up at her with fear and hope radiating out from his usually impassive face.
"You're safe here." She bent forwards and squeezed his arm. "All is well."
Snape nodded slightly, lent back against the sofa, closed his eyes, and fell asleep. Hermione sat there, staring and blinking and trying to pull herself together, trying to decide if the whole thing had been terribly dramatic or rather anticlimactic. Sighing, she conjured a blanket for him and then went about setting the room to rights. The end tables were sorted relatively easily, the bottle and glasses were smashed beyond repair so she simply vanished the mess and cleaned the carpet. She managed to save most of clutter and restacked the journals and notebooks. The largest portrait was a bit more difficult to fix, but she managed it and was in the process of rehanging it above the fireplace when something caught her eye and she lost focus, dropped the painting and had to fix the bottom part of the frame all over again. Before she attempted to hang it again, Hermione went over and had a good look at what had derailed her so completely. There, in the centre of the mantlepiece, was a small jar containing her signature bluebell flames. She had given this to Snape to warm his hands that night when she'd been late to Dumbledore's grave. He had kept it. Hermione picked up the little jar and inspected it carefully, making sure it was definitely her work and there was nothing special about it. Why should this have mattered enough to Snape to keep, let alone display in pride of place? Warmth, she thought quietly. He needed it, so badly. Her wand had realised it before she did. Hermione blinked back tears and hung the portrait, before turning back to her Professor.
She sat on the sofa next to him and tucked her feet under herself, settling down to simply watch him, as she would never be permitted to under normal circumstances. He looked younger in sleep, his face was relaxed, the perpetual furrow between his brows was gone and a soft, breathy sort of noise was escaping from between his lips. A rush of fierce protectiveness and ... affection ... rushed over Hermione, and she clasped her hands together to stop herself from touching him. 'You is the only one he is able to stand' Alf had said. She had suspected this, in a way, but it was strange to have it confirmed quite so clearly. A heavy mix of responsibility and exhaustion settled over her, and she conjured a second blanket, leaning backwards and closing her eyes, she sure as hell wasn't leaving Snape when he was like this.
It couldn't have been more than hour later that she woke to sounds of a hushed voice.
"Please." It said softly. "Please forgive me."
The misery she could hear in those few whispered words were nearly enough to make her cry.
She had left the torches lit in case Snape woke up, so she merely leant over and gave his shoulder a slight shake.
"No." He whispered, his face twisting. "Please."
"Professor," she said gently. "Professor, wake up."
Snape started and glanced around the room, his dark eyes then settling on her, wild and alarmed.
"What are you doing here, Miss Granger?" He demanded, leaping to his feet, and his apparent alertness took her completely off guard.
"I was brought here," she said evasively, not wanting to get Alf into trouble. "I was concerned when you weren't at the grave today."
"HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY ROOMS?" Snape screamed, and Hermione flinched back automatically.
"I was brought here." She said quietly. "I wasn't the only one that was concerned."
"The elves." Snape's face turned dark and furious.
"You won't punish them!" Hermione said fiercely, also standing. "You won't let them hurt themselves for caring about you."
"How dare you speak to me in such a way?!" Snape demanded, his voice rising again. "Who exactly do you think you are?!"
"Right now?" Hermione asked, keeping her fear and temper in check. "Right now I think I'm the only person standing between you and total destruction."
Snape kicked over the coffee table, scattering magazines and breaking the few items Hermione had managed to fix. Though it had made her jump, she held her ground and kept her face impassive as he turned back to her in silent challenge.
Not finding whatever it was he was looking for, he picked up the lamp on an end table and threw it. Hermione was unable to stop herself from flinching, though it didn't land near her, but she still didn't retreat or react. Hatred flickered, hot and bright over Snape's face, before he picked up another lamp and threw that one as well before overturning the first end table and then the second. Although alarmed, Hermione understood as he turned back to her, his face red and ferocious. The hatred was directed entirely at himself. Snape tore down the portrait hanging over the fireplace, and she sighed internally, not truly scared now she understood who it was he was so angry with.
Abruptly, Snape turned and walked over to the entryway where the smaller portraits were hanging. Pulling his arm back, he punched the first, throwing his full weight into it. There was a sickening crunch of broken glass and bone. Before Hermione could even react, he pulled back again, and punched the second.
"OKAY." Hermione shouted as she ran over and put herself in between Snape and the wall and grabbing his arms. His hand was drawn back, ready to strike again, but now if he went for it, he would only hit her. "Okay. That's enough now. You've made your point." She kept her voice firm, but quiet.
Snape's teeth were bared, his lips pulled back in a snarl, his hand still raised above his head. He looked almost feral. Still, Hermione stood, toe to toe with him, unmoving, watching his face as he fought to get a hold of himself.
"Let me see." She said eventually, using her best bossy voice and holding her hands out, pleased when Snape slowly brought his fist down and presented it to her. It was a bloody, mangled mess.
"Come and sit down." She said gently, echoing her words from earlier, and leading Snape back to the sofa. He was still breathing hard as she carefully inspected his hand, siphoning off the blood with her wand and mapping the breaks and fractures. "This will hurt, but I will make it as quick and as clean as I can, okay?"
Snape only nodded, not meeting her eyes.
With a few murmured spells the bones were healed and realigned, the cuts closed. Silently, Hermione conjured a tea towel and some ice and held it to Snape's hand, keeping it held in hers, and brought it to rest on her lap. She studied his face for several heartbeats. He was looking into the fire, ignoring her, but he couldn't seem to quite manage true impassivity. She could see the anger that still burned brightly inside of him, she could feel the sadness rolling off of him, and though she hardly knew him, she knew enough to be able to tell that he was deeply embarrassed and ashamed of himself.
"Once the ice has had time to work, I'm going to put bruise paste and dittany on your hand. Then you're going to have a glass of water and a shower, and get into bed. In the morning, you will get up and go to classes as usual." She told him, keeping her voice firm, but quiet. "I'm going to clean up in here and sleep on the sofa. In the morning, I will perform a wand oath so you know I will speak of this to no one, and then you can shout and insult me and send me away."
Snape turned to look at her, his dark eyes were wide and dazed, he looked so unfamiliar to her. So human.
"Do you understand?"
Silently, he nodded, and Hermione nodded in response. They stayed looking at each other for several moments more, before he dropped his gaze and studied his hand instead.
"Where are your potions?" She asked, some time later, when the swelling had finally started to go down.
"Bathroom." He said in response. "Second door on the left."
Hermione Vanished the tea towel and ice, transferred Snape's hand to his own lap, and then stood and made her way to his bathroom. She had a brief impression of dark marble and gleaming silver before she focused on the cabinet and pulled out what she needed.
Snape hadn't moved an inch when she returned, and he made no move to stop her as she picked his hand back up and gently applied the dittany and bruise paste. If she lingered slightly longer than she needed to, he didn't mention in. Nor did he acknowledge the slight squeeze she gave his wrist before she finally pulled away. Hermione handed him a glass of water and he drank without comment, then stood and headed to the bathroom. A few moments later, the sound of running water reached her ears. Hermione scrubbed her hands over her face, feeling utterly exhausted all over again, then began the task of cleaning up his living room for the second time.
He emerged from the bathroom in a long, dark dressing gown just as she was finishing up, and gave her an uncharacteristically uncertain look before he opened another door and headed inside. The door didn't close behind him, so Hermione made her way over to it, hesitating only when she took the room in and confirmed it was Snape's bedroom. For the first time that evening, she felt she was crossing some sort of line, and it made her uneasy. Snape too seemed unsure how to proceed, and stood awkwardly next to his bed. Sighing, Hermione summoned the bottle of hangover relief she had fetched from the bathroom earlier, and crossed the threshold into the room with a confidence she didn't feel. She put the bottle on his nightstand with another glass of water, then smiled at Snape, and walked out.
"Goodnight." She murmured, looking briefly into his startled eyes, then softly closing the door.
She stood motionless for a moment, trying to process the enormity of everything that had happened, then shook her head and lay on the sofa, falling quickly to sleep.
Hermione opened her eyes the following morning at 6:50 exactly. She stretched and silently thanked her internal body clock, ignoring the alarm bells ringing in her head as she realised exactly where she was and everything that had happened. She glanced uneasily at Snape's bedroom door, unable to hear anything from within. Hermione made her way to the bathroom, hoping Snape wouldn't mind the intrusion. It was surprisingly spacious and decadent with dark marble tiles, a large claw footed bathtub and a separate shower. She splashed cold water on her face after relieving herself and washing her hands. She looked pale and tired, but composed and .. almost nice.
Snape was waiting for her when she emerged, fully dressed in his robes, looking every inch the terrifying Potions Master.
"Morning." She said uneasily, then pulled out her want to make the oath, as promised. "How exactly would you like me to word it?"
Snape stared at her silently, studying her face.
"That won't be necessary." He said gruffly, finally averting his eyes.
Hermione stood there, stunned.
"I give you my word then." She said finally, putting her wand away. "I won't speak of any of this to anyone, nor bring it up with you again, unless you want to talk about it."
Snape nodded slightly and continued to look at the floor, while a dull flush emerged on his cheeks.
"You ... you shouldn't feel embarrassed." Hermione said quietly, keenly aware of the shift in their dynamic this morning. "It happens. We are all complete fuck ups right now. It happens."
"Don't patronise me." He snapped, but he still couldn't meet her eyes.
"I'm not!" She said firmly. "I'm talking to you exactly as I would anyone else. And there's nothing to patronise."
Snape looked back at her, and whatever he saw on her face seemed to satisfy him, because he gave her a stiff nod.
"Did you bring the map with you?" He asked. "You'll need to navigate your way back to your rooms without being seen."
"I didn't bring much of anything with me." She said dryly.
Snape seemed to take in her state of undress for the first time, his cheeks turned slightly pink and he dropped his gaze.
"Not to worry." She said lightly. "I'll Disillusion myself. Most people won't be up and about yet anyway."
Silently, she cast the spell, and then hesitated. Snape was staring at the fireplace, still looking distinctly uncomfortable. She so didn't want things to become awkward between them now. Hermione took three steps forward and gave Snape's arm a tight squeeze before she let herself out and made her way back to her rooms, quickly and quietly as possible.
I hope you like this one - their most important moment so far!
