Warning for suicidal thoughts.
Chapter 15: Cough Syrup
Fuyuhiko woke her the next morning, much earlier than she was used to.
"Holy hell, you look like crap," he said after she'd dressed and opened the door.
"Fuck you too," she said, her voice raspy with sleep. "Is it time to go?"
"Just about. I was thinking about grabbing some coffee from the hotel before we leave. You want some?"
"Okay, unfuck you. Black, two sugars."
"Yeah, yeah. Got it."
The three of them converged at the hotel gates. Hajime was holding a cardboard carrier with four coffee cups in it, and Hanako had her mp3 player and speaker in one hand.
"I'll meet you guys at the hospital." She took her cup from Hajime. "I have to run to the supermarket."
Fuyuhiko raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"To get some stuff. You guys want anything?"
He shook his head. "Just don't be late. We're contacting the others a half hour after the morning announcement. Got it?"
Hajime looked her over, and she found it hard to meet his eyes. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah. I'm just grabbing some stuff for Ibuki. I'll be right behind you."
"All right."
They parted ways at the gate, and Hanako drank her coffee as she walked. The hot drink wasn't pleasant in the early morning heat, but at least Fuyuhiko had brewed a decently strong cup.
She tossed her empty cup in the trash bin by the supermarket door and filled a bag with a few essentials: deodorant, dry shampoo, makeup wipes, a hairbrush. It was the best they could do without any showers in the hospital.
She stopped in front of the entrance, anxiety rolling through her gut. She needed to get to the hospital.
This will only take a minute, she told herself. This is just in case things go wrong.
"Monokuma," she called out.
He waltzed through the door a few seconds later. "You called for me?"
She steeled herself. "Is there a cure for the Despair Disease?"
"Perhaps," he replied, drawing out the word. "Something like that would come at a pretty steep price, though."
"You want another murder. I get it." The plastic bag in her hand rustled as her grip tightened. "I have a question about the trial rules."
"Now, this is getting interesting." He bounced from one foot to the other. "Something that wasn't covered in the eHandbook? Do tell."
"What if the blackened isn't present at the trial?"
He tilted his head. "You mean if the original blackened is killed by someone else? It's been known to happen."
"I—" She blinked. "What do you mean, it's been known to happen?"
"None of your business." He waved her off. "If your question is what would happen if a blackened was murdered…well, it's not like they can be executed twice. Another one of mankind's failings, if you ask me. People should be able to die more than once."
"Back up," she said. "You're acting like this isn't the first time this has happened. Have there been killing games before this one?"
"That information is classified. You keep poking around and you might just piss me off. Now, if that's all…"
"Wait." She swallowed and forced herself to relax. She needed to be specific. "What if the blackened and the victim are the same person?"
Monokuma fell silent for so long that he nearly resembled an inanimate stuffed animal. "Well, well, Yukimura, I never took you for the noble, self-sacrificing type."
"Does it still go the same way? The others have to vote for the blackened even if they're dead?"
"Strictly speaking, yes. But you'll want to be careful. Even the best-laid plans can fall apart if you're not alive to see them through." His grin widened. "Such despair."
"Fine. That's all I wanted to know." She walked past him and out the door.
"Good luck out there," Monokuma called, just before the automatic doors slid shut like the slice of a guillotine.
Hajime and Fuyuhiko were waiting in the hospital lobby when she arrived.
"You made good time," Fuyuhiko said. "We're just about to start the transmission."
"What'd you get?" Hajime asked, leaning forward to look into her bag. Hanako opened it so they could see inside.
Fuyuhiko raised an eyebrow. "You really think this is the time to be doing makeovers?"
She stopped short. "Oh, I'm sorry, does basic hygiene count as a makeover to you?"
He pointed at the can decorated with red and orange designs. "What the hell is that? Hairspray?"
"It's dry shampoo. Do you recognize anything that doesn't come in a four-in-one bottle?"
He rolled his eyes. "How would I know anything about that girly crap?"
"I didn't realize it was girly to not have an oily scalp."
"Can we focus?" Hajime said, looking just as exhausted as she felt.
Hanako remembered herself and turned to him. "How are the others?"
"Mioda and Owari are hanging in there." His gaze flickered to the side. "Komaeda made it through the night but he's still in bad shape. Maybe worse. Tsumiki is taking care of him."
"Shit."
Hajime turned to the monitor. "The light is blinking. Let's start the call, okay?"
Fuyuhiko shrugged, and Hajime pressed the button. The screen lit up, revealing Kazuichi's face.
"What up?" His voice crackled through the speakers. "You guys all look pretty tired."
"You got anything useful to say, bastard?" Fuyuhiko said.
"Hey, it was just a greeting!"
The camera turned towards Chiaki. "Morning. How are things over there?"
There was a beat of silence before Hajime took over. "Things are bad with Komaeda."
"Tell us something we don't know," came Kazuichi's voice.
"What he means is Komaeda could croak at any moment," Fuyuhiko said. "The disease is hitting him hard."
Now it was the other group's turn to fall into silence.
Gundham leaned into view. "You mean to say he will go the way of all flesh?"
"We don't know," Hajime said, and there was an edge to his voice that Hanako rarely heard. "There's not much we can do except wait it out."
"Then we will do our best to support you," Sonia said, leaning in on Gundham's side. "I hope both of us will have better news for the nightly check-in."
"That's right." A pair of long pink ears popped into view at the bottom of the crowded screen. "Work together and do your very best!"
"Monomi?" Hajime blinked. "What are you doing on that side?"
Someone tilted the camera down so they could get a better view of her. Monomi rubbed her paws together.
"Well, the Despair Disease is pretty dangerous…"
"Haven't you been talking this whole time about helping us?" Hanako said. "Or do you just not give a shit?"
"Why would a stuffed animal be scared of a disease anyway?" Fuyuhiko said.
Monomi faltered. "Just do your best, the three of you. I'm sure I'll see you again once everything is ha—"
The screen cut to black as Fuyuhiko jabbed the button hard enough to push the monitor back a few inches.
"That stupid fucking rabbit." He blew out a sigh and ran one hand over his hair. "I'm gonna get some air. I'll be back in a few."
He left the lobby, slamming the door on her way out.
Hanako crossed her arms and leaned back against the reception desk. "I guess we shouldn't be surprised. Monomi talks a lot for someone who literally never fucking helps us."
"Yeah." Hajime copied her posture, his gaze fixed on the door leading to the patient rooms.
She watched him for a moment. "Are you going to be okay? With the whole Komaeda thing?"
He turned to face her. "What do you mean?"
"It seems like it's really bothering you."
He shook his head. "Why would I be worried about a guy like him?"
There was an edge of bitterness in his voice. This wasn't the first time he'd taken the idea of associating with Nagito like it was a personal insult.
"You're still mad at him for lying?" she asked.
His shoulders hunched in an approximation of a shrug. "That's not even the worst thing he's done since we've gotten here."
But the lying had been personal. Nagito had been pretty intentional about spending time with Hajime during their first days on the island. Hanako couldn't help but wonder if Hajime was still looking for the amicable, considerate persona Nagito had shown them all those first few days.
"I don't think it's wrong to be worried," she said. "Just don't lose sleep over it, okay?"
"I won't," he said, a little bit of the edge from before returning to his voice.
Even with a coffee cup's worth of caffeine in her veins, she still felt sleep deprived. Hajime seemed tired too, and whatever his reasons, like he was in need of comfort. She told herself those were the reasons why she shifted closer and rested her head on his shoulder.
"Are you going to be okay?" he asked after a while. "I know you're worried about Mioda."
"As long as she pulls through." She felt something in her chest twinge, painful enough that she felt herself curling in on it. "I just need her to be okay."
Hajime lifted his free hand and stretched it out towards her, then hesitated.
"What are you doing?"
"I don't know. I was thinking about patting your head." He dropped his hand to his side. "I'm not that good at comforting people."
"You're really not." She straightened with a half-smile and grabbed the plastic bag from the desk. "But I feel a little better. I'm gonna go check on the others."
Hanako told herself she would take a bit of her own advice and stop letting her worry eat her up inside. It helped, at least, to have something to keep her busy.
She sat cross-legged on Ibuki's bed, using a makeup wipe to clean the day-old eyeliner from her eyelids. She'd just finished applying dry shampoo to her hair, and it hung loose around her face.
Ibuki flinched as the wipe brushed too close to her eye. "Oops. Sorry I keep doing that."
"It's fine." Hanako lowered her hand and flexed her fingers. She'd always had a steady hand, but a combination of caffeine jitters and exhaustion was throwing her off.
"Should I prop my eyes open somehow?"
"Don't do that." She couldn't keep the irritation out of her voice because for once it didn't sound like Ibuki was joking.
She turned and tossed the makeup wipe into the trash. It's not her fault she's acting like this.
"Let's just take a break for now." She cast around, and her eyes landed on the speaker sitting on the supply cabinet. "Oh, I almost forgot." She set it on the windowsill next to the bed and plugged it in. "I figured you were probably getting bored just sitting here all day."
"Cool." Ibuki smiled at the speaker but didn't touch it. "What should we listen to?"
"Um…" Hanako scrolled through the selection. There was still only one playlist on the device, the one she'd put together the day they'd had their first kiss. Her heart twinged thinking about that night.
She pressed play.
"I think Tsumiki might get pissed at me for playing metal in a hospital," she said, bobbing her head to the drums at the beginning of the song. "But who knows, maybe metal has healing powers."
"It's nice." Ibuki listened for a while, then began tapping her fingers along to the music. Hanako had seen her do that before, like she was playing the chords on an invisible instrument.
She'd heard before that music could revive people from comas or bring back missing memories. Maybe this was the key to helping Ibuki get better.
"I'm gonna go see if Owari wants to freshen up. I'll be back in a few." She leaned forward, pressed a quick kiss to her cheek, and climbed off the bed.
The brief optimism in her heart faded when she entered Akane's room. She was awake, but her eyes were swollen from crying. She'd gone through three boxes of tissues in the past day, and the skin below her nose was chapped. On the rare occasions that she wasn't crying, she just sat and trembled.
Hanako tried not to imagine what was going on in her head to make those symptoms manifest. Ibuki had been affected by the disease too, but at least she was calm.
"Hey, Owari," she said softly. "I brought some stuff from the supermarket if you wanted to wash up a little."
Akane dragged the back of her hand across her eyes. "Do I really look that bad?"
"You look like you've been in a hospital bed for a day straight." She deposited the bag on the bed and handed her the stick of deodorant. "You want help with the dry shampoo?"
"Is it gonna hurt?"
Hanako glanced at Akane's wild tufts of hair, bit her lip, and said, "I'll be gentle."
She sniffled and wiped her nose. "I guess it's fine."
Tears welled up in her eyes, and it was evident from the trembling of her jaw that she was going to start crying again.
"Give me a second," Hanako said, and left the room.
She returned a minute later with a bottle of vitamin water and a straw. She unscrewed the cap, popped the straw in, and held it out.
"Little trick I learned when I was younger. You can't drink and cry at the same time."
Akane took the bottle and put the straw to her lips.
"Slow sips, okay?" Hanako reached for the dry shampoo bottle and the hairbrush. "I'd get you something stronger if I didn't think Tsumiki would strangle me about it. Only time she has a backbone is when it comes to her patients."
Akane flinched as she began parting her hair in the back. "What if my hair falls out?"
"I promise you it won't. Keep drinking."
Hanako worked in silence, Akane's breathing gradually evening out as she drained the bottle. Her hair was painfully tangled, so she set the hairbrush aside and just focused on massaging the shampoo into her scalp.
"Feel any better?" she asked once she was done.
"I used to pick lice out of my siblings' hair," Akane said, her voice raspy, "but I never had anyone to do it for me, so I ended up shaving my head."
"I think you'd look badass with a shaved head," Hanako said, brushing a few locks out of her face. "Or a sidecut."
Akane shrugged. "I guess."
She took a seat on the edge of the bed. "I didn't know you had siblings."
"Yeah." A smile curved her lips, just barely, before her expression crumpled. "I'm supposed to be looking after them. If I'm here, then that means they're all alone." She burst into tears.
Hanako reached out a hand and hesitated. She hadn't even considered that some of her classmates might have people depending on them. Especially not someone like Akane.
"I'm letting them down," Akane sobbed. "Something bad could happen and I wouldn't even know."
"Hey." Hanako gripped her shoulders, rubbing her skin slightly as if to warm her up. "You're not letting them down. Look, I was on my own most of the time growing up, and I turned out fine."
Kind of a lie, but whatever.
"Your siblings are gonna be okay, and they're gonna be really glad when you get back to them."
Another lie. Hanako didn't realize it until she spoke the words aloud, but she didn't really believe what she was saying. At some point after those first bullets had ripped through the park, she'd come to know they weren't ever going to leave the island. There would be no miraculous escape, no eleventh-hour rescue.
"We're all going to die here," Akane murmured, as if she'd read Hanako's mind.
"That's not true," she said, because what was one more lie? What did it matter if her own eyes were stinging? "No one else is going to die, okay?"
"I'm just so afraid all the time," she said between sobs.
"I know," Hanako whispered. "I am too."
Whatever Akane said next was lost in the broken shards of her breathing, her sobs coming too fast for her to inhale properly.
"Hey. Count with me, okay?" She tightened her hold on Akane's arms. "In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four."
They repeated the breathing exercise together until Akane had calmed a little and the lump in Hanako's throat wasn't quite so painful. She stood up and fluffed the pillows behind her.
"Just keep counting until you fall asleep." And one last lie: "You'll feel better in the morning."
Akane murmured a broken acquiescence and burrowed beneath her blankets. Hanako gathered the cosmetics and left the room.
She turned the corner and went upstairs to the bathroom. She told herself it was to wash off the dry shampoo stuck to her fingers. It had nothing to do with the tightness in her chest.
As soon as the door swung closed, a tiny, pathetic noise escaped her lips. She turned on the faucet and scrubbed at her fingertips. A teardrop spilled over her eyelashes, and she rubbed furiously at it with her wet knuckles.
"Stop beings such a fucking pussy," she growled at her teary-eyed reflection. "Get it together."
Speaking the words aloud only made the pain in her chest coil tighter. She sniffled and turned off the faucet. She couldn't let any of the others see her like this. It would lower morale, for one. She could already picture the way Hajime and Fuyuhiko would look at her if she walked into the lobby with tears on her face.
As if on cue, the door swung open and Mikan walked in. She let out a squeak and pressed one hand to her chest.
Hanako snapped a paper towel from the dispenser and ran it roughly over her face. "Sorry. I was just washing up."
"Are you all right?"
"Fine." She made brief eye contact with herself in the mirror and shook her head. "I was just with Owari. Maybe I caught whatever she has."
Mikan rushed forward. "You think you might have caught the Despair Disease? Are you feverish at all?" She pushed Hanako's bangs aside and pressed the backs of her fingers to her forehead. Her hand actually felt a little warm, though that might have been because of the cold water she'd just smeared over her face.
"It was just a joke. I don't feel sick."
"Oh. Good." Mikan took her hand away, then with a quick, nervous motion, brushed her bangs back into place. "Does that mean you're upset?"
"I'm worried about the others. That's all." She braced her hands on the edge of the sink. She couldn't bring herself to face Mikan directly, but she didn't want to leave, either.
"I see." Mikan rocked slightly on her heels. "I'm sorry. I wish there was more I could do for them."
"It's not your fault. You're already giving, like, a hundred twenty percent." She took a deep breath, feeling the ceramic of the sink grow warm beneath her palms. "It's just something I have to deal with. Sometimes there are things out of our control and all we can do is cope, right?"
"Y-Yes."
They lapsed into silence. Hanako tried a few more cycles of her breathing exercise. It nearly startled her when Mikan put a hand on the center of her back and began rubbing small, comforting circles.
"Is this helping at all? I know this is a common practice to calm down upset children. N-Not that I think you're a child!"
"It's kind of nice, actually," Hanako said, and hated the way tears were threatening to rise again. Mikan's hand was pleasantly warm, and it was nice to just have someone there. "I've never had anyone do this for me, before."
Growing up, she'd never received any comfort that didn't come from herself. She'd figured out on her own that it was impossible to drink and cry at the same time. She'd gone from juice to soda to stealing and bribing her way into bottles of beer and liquor. Maybe that was why she had trouble sleeping. Sometimes she didn't have any comfort left to give herself.
She took another breath to ease the ache in her chest. "Hey, do you think this is gonna keep happening?"
"What do you mean?"
Hanako lifted her head, a sardonic smile touching the corner of her mouth. "The two of us having weird, emotional moments in bathrooms."
"Oh." Mikan's hand stilled, and she let out an awkward giggle. "That would be nice. I mean, it would be a little weird. Unless you don't want it to keep happening…?"
She straightened and turned to face her. "I'm kind of over bathrooms. I think once this is over and everyone's out of the hospital, we should go to the beach one night and just get fucking shitfaced."
"I'd like that." She held one hand in the other, like she was trying to keep it steady.
"Me too." She meant it. Even if she didn't believe they would ever leave the island, she wanted out of this hospital. She wanted Ibuki to be all right. She wanted to get drunk again. She wanted to have something resembling a normal friendship with Mikan.
More than anything, she wanted a fucking break from the uncertainty.
Hanako played cards with Hajime and Fuyuhiko until nighttime fell. When the nighttime announcement came on, she turned and glared at the monitor.
"I hate that shit so much."
"Looks like it's almost time for our next transmission." Fuyuhiko tossed his hand onto the table and stood up.
She looked down at the pair of aces splayed on the dusty surface. "Dude, what the fuck?"
He smirked and straightened his jacket. "What, you got a better hand or can we call this another win for me?"
"Just so you know, I quit keeping score an hour ago," Hajime said, tossing his own cards onto the table.
Fuyuhiko stretched and walked over to the camera set. "Let's just get this meeting over with so we can get some sleep."
Hajime stood up. "Actually, I'm gonna go check on Komaeda again. I'll be quick."
Hanako waved him off. "Take your time. We'll catch you up on whatever the others had to say."
"Assuming they have anything at all," Fuyuhiko muttered, jabbing the button on the monitor with his thumb.
As Hajime left the lobby, Hanako approached the desk in time to see Chiaki's face flicker onto the screen.
"Oh, good. It's nice to see you both." She smiled. "How are things over there?"
"Shit," Hanako said.
"Everyone's alive, at least," Fuyuhiko said at the same time.
Chiaki's expression dimmed a fraction. "I see. Well, unfortunately we don't have much of an update for you, either."
Hanako let out an irritated sigh before she could stop herself. "Didn't you guys say you would come up with a plan?"
The camera shifted to face Sonia. "I have spent the majority of the day scouring the library for information on the Despair Disease."
"Just you?"
Her lips thinned a fraction. "The majority of the texts in the library are in a variety of languages, and the Japanese section was quite small, so the others were not able to help me as much as they would have liked. I have gathered a number of medical texts, but it will still be something of a challenge to sift through them for useful information."
"So, basically looking for a needle in a haystack," Fuyuhiko said. "And I doubt Monokuma would leave anything we could use just lying around."
Hanako clenched her jaw as a wave of panic rose in her chest. Of course there wasn't anything. They were searching for a Plan B that didn't exist. Their only way out of this was to kill.
Out of view of the camera, Fuyuhiko nudged her elbow with his. He kept his eyes on the monitor as he said, "We'll keep holding the fort down here, yeah?"
"Of course," Sonia said. "Has Komaeda's condition changed at all?"
"Not that I know of. Tsumiki's been with him for most of the day, so he hasn't kicked the bucket yet."
"Very well. I hope we will have better news for each other in the morning."
"Sonia," Hanako said before she could break the connection. "Thanks for trying."
Her expression softened. "Take care, both of you."
The screen went dark.
Hanako propped her elbows on the desk and ran her hands along her face. She felt exhausted. Scared. Bordering on desperate.
"Hey," Fuyuhiko said. "You good?"
"Fucking peachy." She took her hands away and straightened. "I wanna get out of here and get some sleep."
Hajime stepped out into the lobby, one hand keeping the door from swinging fully shut. "Hey, Yukimura. Maybe you should go talk to Mioda."
Hanako spun around and felt her adrenaline spike. "Why? What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he said quickly. "I just ran into her walking around the hallway. She seemed kind of restless. I told her to go back to her room."
"I'll go see her." She traded places with Hajime at the door. "You guys just head back to the hotel, okay?"
"Like hell we are," Fuyuhiko said. "Just make it quick."
She looked back at him. The warning was clear in his eye—none of them should be wandering around alone. There was still the possibility one of them was planning a murder. He'd been that person not too long ago.
"Fine," she said, and disappeared into the hallway.
Ibuki was sitting upright in her bed, staring out the window. The mp3 player was shut off, and the silence that fell when Hanako entered the room made her skin crawl.
"Hey." She took a seat on the edge of the bed. "Hinata caught you walking around, huh?"
Her hands remained motionless in her lap. "Ibuki was getting bored just sleeping all day. I thought maybe there was something I could do to help."
"It would be super helpful of you to just get better." She reached over and squeezed her knee. "I know this has gotta be boring as shit, though. I'll bring you something tomorrow. What do you want?"
"It would be nice to see the music venue again."
"Well, that's not something I can bring here, but…" She bounced her leg and thought. "Maybe one of your instruments? I could find something Tsumiki-approved."
A smile curved Ibuki's lips. In the light from the window, it just made her look tired. The disease was wearing on her, even if she was in better shape than Nagito.
"That'd be nice." She swallowed with some difficulty, and Hanako was quick to hand her the cup of water on her beside table. "It'd be nice to go to a concert, you know?"
"That would be amazing." She hoped Ibuki didn't notice the way her voice cracked. She made sure her eyes were dry before she said, "Hey, listen to me."
Ibuki looked at her with guileless eyes.
"We're gonna get off this island, and then we're gonna go on tour. I'll be your groupie. We can go to music festivals all over the world and I'll set up a booth and give people tattoos. You can write music and we'll stay up late to watch fireworks."
"You promise?"
Hanako tried to keep her face expressionless.
Will she remember this conversation once she's better?
"Yeah. I promise."
Hanako knew Hajime and Fuyuhiko were waiting for her outside, but she went to the supply closet instead.
She felt sick with adrenaline as soon as she stepped inside, like a string inside her had been pulled to the breaking point. Her hands shook as she rifled through the drawers.
One row down, two from the left, she found what she was looking for. Scalpels, individually wrapped in plastic like candy bars. She lifted one into the sliver of light coming through the door and examined its wicked sharp edge.
It would be quick with a tool like this. Two vertical cuts on each wrist, and she'd be gone in minutes. She'd have to lock the door behind her, just in case Mikan happened to pass by. Once it was over, one of the boys would break down the door. The three of them would find her body, and the announcement would play. Ibuki and the others would be cured.
Her hands were slick with sweat as she fumbled with the edge of the plastic wrapping. Quick. Easy. An obvious suicide. A brief trial with no execution. Everyone wins.
Hopefully Ibuki would understand.
She dropped the scalpel back into the drawer with a shaky breath.
Tomorrow. If things aren't better tomorrow, I'll do it then.
"Um, Yukimura?"
Hanako whirled around with a gasp. Mikan was peering through the crack in the door. She darted back with a squeak.
Her heart pounding, she wrenched open the door. How long had she been standing there?
"You scared the shit out of me."
"Sorry!" Her arms came up towards her chest, like she was expecting to block a physical blow. "I'm so sorry for startling you. Please forgive me."
Hanako forced herself to exhale slowly, adrenaline still thrumming in her veins. "It's fine. I think we're all a little on edge."
"Please let me do something to make up for it."
"Don't," she pinched the bridge of her nose, "do that. I'm just gonna head out, okay?"
"Before you go…" Mikan pressed a scrap of paper into her hands. "We're running low on a few medications. Would you be able to get some more from the pharmacy?"
Hanako scanned the list, which was full of names she couldn't pronounce. The syllables melted together before her tired eyes. "You need these tonight?"
"No, I should have enough here to make it through the night." She cringed. "I'm sorry for asking so much of you after you've had such a b-busy day."
"It's fine. I'll grab them first thing tomorrow." She folded the paper and slipped it into her pocket.
Mikan shivered, something strange flashing in her eyes.
Hanako searched her face, but it was gone as soon as it had appeared. "You okay?"
"Yes. I just felt something like deja vu." She smiled almost conspiratorially, like she was referencing an inside joke.
"You're loopy. Try to get some rest tonight, okay?" She nudged Mikan's arm gently as she passed.
"I'll try."
Hanako had her hand on the door to the lobby when a prickling sensation grabbed the back of her neck, hard enough to make her jolt.
She turned around, but Mikan was gone, and the hallway was empty.
The title for this chapter is from Cough Syrup by Young the Giant, a bittersweet song that perfectly fits this chapter. If I didn't choose Wind and Waves this song would probably be like the theme song for this fic.
