AN: If you like the story or have critiques or advice please feel free to leave a review. I appreciate all feedback.
-MP-
Chapter Three: Gryffindor Tower
The rest of the summer had passed without incident, and McGonagall was able to return to the Potter's a few more times before school was due to resume. Harry, thankfully had not held their conversation against her which was a bigger relief than she would care to admit. In an attempt to make it up to him, even though Harry had adamantly told her there was no need, and Ginny backed him up on this. Minerva had offered to give James some private tuition before he returned for his final year.
Not that James really needed it as he was exceptional at Transfiguration, and the pair had spoken about his recent desire to become an Auror with the Ministry. Wanting to put his Transfiguration skills to good use, especially as he could now expertly transfigure his face with ease.
September 1st was quickly approaching, which for the first time in her life was giving Minerva some anxiety. She and Harry had planned for when he would visit the castle, and the idea that she was going to be walking into that office within the next few weeks made her feel suddenly and very overwhelmingly nauseous.
She pushed the feeling aside and carried on with her evening, she was just preparing her dinner and getting ready to settle in for the night. Deciding to clear up the various objects from her earlier studies, she bumped into the small dark brown cabinet she kept in the corner of the dining room. It had two doors, adorned with silver detailing on the corners and handle which concealed what lay within it.
One of the doors had swung very slightly ajar, revealing a stone object inside of it. She stared at it for a moment, causing the sickly feeling to return to her stomach. She quickly closed and clasped it shut tightly, almost as if she was in a panic, her eyes catching the twinkle of the glass vials hidden inside. Minerva walked away shaking her head, wanting to forget the cupboard's existence entirely and made her way into the kitchen instead.
As predicted September 1st had come and gone at the speed of light, she was back to teaching her light timetable and advanced lessons. She had also taken on the role of supporting the new Head of Gryffindor Professor Longbottom, but luckily Minerva was able to keep her old office near the Gryffindor tower which was just as she left it. The current headmaster musing that he always knew she would be returning to it.
Minerva had arranged for Harry to visit late October, as most of the castle would be distracted with the Halloween shenanigans; it seemed like a perfect time to breach their task. Harry had suggested using her floo into her office which she gladly had accepted, wanting to make him feel as comfortable as possible during this visit.
Her office was large and round, with tall windows stretching from the floor to the ceiling giving her a view of the castle grounds and the quidditch pitch. The windows were dressed with deep red, heavy, velvet curtains which brought warmth to the cold stones that made up the walls.
Her oak desk took centre stage, next to the fire she kept roaring most of the year and provided her with a light source in the dark winter months. She kept a large raven quill in the corner next to the ink, and the rest of her desk was covered with littered parchment and books she was perusing. Often reading more than one at a time.
She kept two leather chairs near the fire, both dark brown and worn from the use of many student and staff meetings throughout the years and beneath them a red, gold and deep navy tapestry rug. She was sure it had come with the office but she developed a soft spot for it so had always kept it in place.
Just beyond the desk a tall portrait of Godric Gryffindor hung which was the door to her private quarters. Which left her most treasured area, which was the floor to ceiling bookcases that were against the rest of the walls. Books both old and new she had collected over time, and she added to when something of interest had struck her. This is where she had selected the advanced transfiguration books for James, happily replacing them with her newer interests.
She made her way to one of the windows, dusk was falling on the castle as the sky had that dark cornflower blue colour she liked. The Hufflepuff team were out on the Quidditch pitch practicing, she thought about many times she had stood at this window gazing out and found herself lost in distant thoughts as her surroundings seemed to fade around her.
A roaring sound emanated from her fireplace pulling her out of her daze as she spun on her heels to find the grate lit up in large bright green flames, and a nervous Harry stepping out into the room.
"Hi." He said quickly, his eyes surveying the room around him.
Minerva had greeted him warmly, but seemed distracted by his surroundings. Of course, he had found himself here more times than he could count, and to his own shock it was somewhat comforting to be back here as an adult as it still looked mostly the same.
He turned his head to examine the bookcases, there were definitely new ones there he didn't recognise and few of the ones he had gifted her were proudly displayed too. Even her desk looked just as cluttered as he remembered, knowing that Minerva had a penchant for writing her thoughts and discoveries down as she worked.
Harry then moved toward the window, just as Hufflepuff were finishing off their practice for the evening. The sky appeared much darker now. It was all so achingly familiar and completely alien at the same time. His mind swung between the two much like a pendulum of a clock, his stomach churning right along with it.
Minerva observed Harry as he stared at the room and outside without breathing as much as word out loud. She began to grow a little worried that him being back might not have been the best idea. "Are you okay Harry? She asked gently.
He froze upon hearing her words. Fully aware of the racing thoughts in his head, but not wanting to have an outburst here he took a sharp inhale of breath and turned to face his former professor, his friend.
"Not really." He answered sadly.
She nodded in acceptance, her feelings being very much the same. "Should we sit and share some tea?"
Harry accepted her offer and went to sit himself down on the leather chairs near her fire, when she stopped him abruptly. "I think we can use my private quarters now?" She suggested, gesturing towards the portrait. "Save us being interrupted by any wanderers."
He smiled lightly in agreement, and to thank her for the gesture of privacy. Minerva made her way to the portrait and uttered "Wolfric" loudly, causing the portrait to swing open and permit them entrance.
Harry followed her inside and allowed himself a quick smirk at Minerva's password, recognising immediately where she had gotten it from. She glanced at him, seeing his cheeky expression she quickly swatted him with the parchment in her hand in retaliation.
Minerva's private quarters mirrored her office in decoration, the same curtains lined the windows and there were some smaller additional bookcases towards the door he assumed led to the bedroom.
He realised they were at the topmost part of the tower now, which was the only place near her old common room that had space for a small kitchen area, bathroom and a bedroom. The main difference between her private quarters and her office was the pictures hung on the walls. Photos of various witches and wizards, some he didn't recognise but some he did such as Albus, Pomona and even a family picture of himself, Ginny, the kids and Minerva at his house.
A large smile grew on Harry's face as he allowed his shoulders to relax slightly form the hunched position he had fixed them in. He knew how much Minerva meant to himself and his family, but it was difficult to put into words, and even harder to McGonagall herself. It left him wondering if she cared as much as he did, but seeing those pictures put his mind at easier. She understood that she really was part of their family. She always would be.
Whilst he was lost in the photographs, Minerva had summoned her house elf and had them bring tea and some snacks to her room. Allowing Harry flit from picture to picture admiring the faces smiling back at him, feeling herself relax by seeing him do so too.
She coughed lightly to gain his attention, she sat on a large, dark red, squashy sofa with a low dark wood coffee table sat in front of it, which now acted as a surface for the tea tray. She gestured for him to join her which he quickly did.
After pouring the tea and handing a hot cup to Harry, she decided to break the silence again hoping to gain a sense of what Harry was feeling, if he was okay or if it was just too much.
"Harry." She soothed. Pulling his attention to her, she let her eyes wander over his face but found herself, alarmingly, unable to pin down any one feeling in particular. Except his eyes which were dilated revealing the panic behind them, despite his attempts to conceal it.
"You don't have to come with me Harry. If it's too much. You've already made so much progress coming back to Hogwarts at all." Minerva spoke slowly, and waited patiently for his reply as she sipped her tea.
He considered her words carefully. Searching inside himself for some sort of inner strength, much of which fell away from him as soon as he stepped off that floo.
She continued to push gently not wanting to pressure Harry. However, she knew him very well at this point and that meant she could be pretty sure that his mind would be punishing him for its perceived weakness. For daring to feel, one inch of the pain so unfairly bestowed on him.
"I'm not going to judge you Harry. No matter what you might be feeling."
Minerva looked away and reached to select a biscuit from the tray in front of her. Harry gulped, watching her closely, deciding ultimately that if McGonagall had taught him anything these past years it was to not bury his emotions anymore.
He too took a biscuit and focused his gaze on Minerva's. "Please believe me that I want to support you… you are my friend…. and… it's just…" He gestured to the room around him aimlessly. Searching for the right words to say.
She remained quiet, poised to just listen to him. No matter how long it took him.
Harry sighed, wringing his hands as he looked inward to himself. "I haven't been back here since that day."
He slumped into the back of the sofa, breaking his gaze with Minerva and feeling both hollow and overwhelmed all at the same time.
She mirrored him, taking a deep swig of her tea at the same time. The pair both staring at the portrait hole opposite to him. She reached over and gave his knee a quick assuring squeeze.
"I found it difficult to come back too."
Harry's eyes widened in shock. He struggled to imagine Minerva McGonagall not being able to walk the halls of Hogwarts, for her not to find this place her home.
He turned to her briefly, noticing she didn't meet his gaze. "You did?" He asked, curious for more information.
"It didn't feel like my home anymore. Instead it was the place where my friends, my loved ones, my students died."
Minerva placed her cup back onto the table and let her hands rest in her lap.
"I remember the Great Hall after the battle like it happened just hours ago. The bodies…" Her voice remained steady, but a distinct sound of pain ran clearly through it.
"I helped gather the dead. Clear up the castle and repair the damage. But inside, all I could see was Remus, Tonks, Fred… Severus all laying on the floor."
Harry joined her on the opposite sofa, feeling Harry lace his fingers between her own, understanding all too well the pain of that day. The effect it had on everybody.
"Not to mention the image of Hagrid carrying you." She could feel the emotion building behind her eyes now, but she shook it away defiantly.
"That was too much for me."
Harry nodded along with her. "I'm sorry I had to do that to you, to everyone."
She shook her head vigorously again. "No, no, no… you did the right thing. What you had to do."
"What I am saying, Harry. Is that it took a long time to find comfort behind these walls again, to feel safe."
She turned her body towards Harry, her voice veering away from the typical stern Scottish brogue, leaning instead to the warmer almost grandmotherly tone he had heard increasingly often from her.
"What I am saying Harry" Minerva repeated. "Is one day I hope for you to find comfort from this place again, and that I hope to reassure you that it isn't an impossible task to endure."
Minerva noticed that throughout the conversation, Harry's breathing had become steady and even. He wasn't relaxed, far from it but he was much calmer that when he had stepped into her office.
Their hands were still wrapped in eachothers. She glanced at him, he was calm enough to attempt to eat a biscuit now. "Do you think we can go now Harry?" She asked him, returning to her typical register.
"Yes." He nodded, and he stood up trying to ready himself and convince Minerva of his confidence.
She smiled lightly behind him and let go on his hand, leading him out of the portrait and to the entrance of her office. Opening the door to reveal an empty and darkened corridor before them.
They took the quickest route from her office to the Head Master's, in Harry's head it remained 'Dumbledore's Office' even though there had been two other people in it since he passed. Nevertheless, it was always going to be Dumbledore's to him.
Before he had time to process it they had arrived at the gargoyle staircase, and they both found themselves staring at it. Minerva thought if they were spotted they would look rather stupid but on this rare occasion she was going to permit it.
Taking a long and deep breath she stepped inside the gargoyle, but Harry did not follow her. He seemed rooted to the spot, not in panic or upset, but as if something was physically holding him back.
"Harry?" She questioned. Tilted her head to examine him.
He hung his head and shook it resignedly. "I...I…" He stammered.
"No matter, Harry." Minerva said, understanding that Harry wasn't going to accompany her. She just wished she could make it apparent to Harry how proud she was of him for getting this far.
"Will you wait for me?" She asked quietly. Harry looked up immediately, relief washing over him when he could see she wasn't angry, or disappointed. She was just letting him be.
"Yeah, I can do that." He replied.
She swallowed hard and nodded. "Okay then. I'll go now."
Harry nodded too.
"Animagus." She stated, loudly and clearly. The gargoyle staircase springing to life around her and lifting her, whether she liked it not towards the door to the Head Master's office.
-MP-
