AN: Happy weekend everybody! I have reading a lot of fanfiction recently and I suddenly have the urge to write even more to this story. So I've sneakily written a few chapters ahead. As always, please leave reviews as I love reading them!
-MP-
Chapter Eighteen: Seeing Through The Fog
Harry hadn't been back to Grimmauld Place since exploring the first memory from the cabinet, his mind still reeling from what he saw and the continuous fighting with Ginny was starting to wear on them both. Perhaps she had been right and he was spending too much time wallowing in the conspiracy of it all and not enough time with his wife and children.
He wrote to all three of his children when he realised how much he had neglected their needs during the last few months with Minerva, and he went a step further to apply to Hogwarts for a visit. Professor Flitwick, the current headmaster had been in touch and said that James was struggling in particular, and he decided it was about time he touched base with them and checked in.
Ginny had clearly appreciated the extra effort he was making, as she seemed much lighter and brighter which was a big relief to Harry as she was no longer staring at him with a look that was somewhere between worry and suspicion.
However, despite outward appearances his mind was firmly elsewhere. Minerva hadn't been making much progress, which wasn't unexpected but felt disappointing nevertheless. The idea that the cabinet could help in some way gnawed at Harry constantly, and in an attempt to bring some solace to the situation he was bringing along the green leather photo album that Minerva had been keeping in the castle. He had given it to her as a thank you for helping him all those years ago but maybe it would come in useful again.
There were more photographs inside than he remembered, when he purchased the album he decided to fill it with photos that would mean a lot to her such as the pictures of her and Dumbledore that she had kept hidden throughout the house as well as treasured family memories.. Since then, she had added more photographs of his family, various friends and outings she had been on.
Harry brought the album to the kitchen table and placed it down, he sat himself on the chair and opened the book gently to begin flipping through the pages. Finding himself smiling as Minerva beamed up at him, he missed that smile and the longing for it pulled heavily at his heart. He missed the warmth and humour that radiated from her, the moments of thoughtfulness that would catch you off guard. He missed it all.
He turned the pages and took out the majority of the pictures. His plan was to give it to Minerva during his visit today, after viewing the first memory in Caithness he thought perhaps he could use the images to jog her memory. But he didn't want to overwhelm her so he selected a couple of photos of her family and the house at Caithness. He wasn't sure that it would help Minerva at all, but it was better to do something than feel completely helpless and completely helpless was all he had at the moment.
Later that afternoon after he had finished his shift at the Ministry, he then headed straight to St Mungo's as he often did, and like clockwork he led himself to the Janus Thickey ward and straight to Minerva's bed.
This time she wasn't in bed, which Harry was relieved by, he hated seeing her wallow in her confusion and sadness. He scanned the room and found her playing chess with another one of the residents, so he walked over and gently placed his hand on her shoulder.
She turned her head and smiled when she saw him. "Harry! Good to see you!"
"Good to see you too Min." He answered. "Mind if we have a little chat?"
She smiled again and told the other resident that she would continue playing later, which the resident agreed to, and then both her and Harry headed to her bed whilst Harry chose to draw the curtain around to give them some privacy.
He hopped onto the bed and Minerva followed suit, they were both sat side by side with their feet dangling below them. Harry pulled out the green book and rested it on his lap.
"So Min, how have you been today? I see you've been playing chess."
Minerva nodded and moved herself backwards so she was resting against the pillow. "Yes, I am not sure when I learned to play, but I enjoy the strategy and challenge of the game nevertheless. Plus, I seem to win fairly often."
He smirked a little at her words, thinking back to many afternoons where he had tried to beat her but she was always too formidable of an opponent. "That doesn't surprise me, you were always way too bloody good at the game."
She chuckled in response. "Well now it makes sense as to why I keep beating everybody."
"I have also beaten that insufferable Mr Lockhart over there." She nodded towards his bed, the blonde man who was sitting in it was furiously scribbling what Harry thought was probably his autograph over anything he could get his hands on.
"No comment." Harry laughed heartily, "I've bought something for you." He said, changing the subject.
She looked at him intrigued, her eyes falling to the green book in his lap. Harry continued to talk but her eyes repeatedly trailed off to the emerald green object he was holding onto.
Harry noticed this, and wondered if she recognised it but he was too afraid of the answer to push it further. Instead he opened up the album as he explained it to his previous Professor.
"I've brought your photo album with me, I found it….." Harry's voice shrunk into quietness as he quickly tried to provide an excuse as to where she had found it. "… at your house and there were lots of pictures inside it I thought you might like to see." He added finally.
McGonagall's brow creased as she met Harry's eyes. "This was mine?" She questioned, confusion filling her face.
He held onto the book tighter, his fingers wrapped around it, as if he was willing it to do something, to help Minerva. Fix her, to do anything… his knuckles turned a bright white in response.
"Yeah it was, after having a quick flick through myself I thought it would be good to share with you. I checked with Mr Buttonwood and he seemed supportive of the idea too."
Harry placed the open book on Minerva's lap who stared at it intensely, she gazed at the moving image and then back to Harry. He wondered if she was trying to work out what it was, or where it was from or if the whole idea had backfired and just left her feeling even more confused than before.
The photo he chose to display first was inspired by the memory he explored a few days earlier; it was a scenic shot of Caithness he had found hidden toward the back of the album when it was in its original order. It showed a vast yellow and green countryside scene, it was a high up rocky place with billowing fresh air and beautiful old stone cottages.
He thought back to the memory, when he first arrived he could feel the cold air sting at his skin but it felt welcoming rather than foreboding. Taller grass swished happily along, and the smell of salt from the nearby coast filled his nostrils. Before the memory turned sour he could almost imagine himself there, breathing in the sea air and soaking in the coastal views forever.
Minerva meanwhile was tracing the photograph gently with her fingers, letting her fingers explore every hill, rock and blade of grass that rocked gently in the image. She looked up to an expectant Harry looking across at her, like he was waiting for something to happen.
She placed her other hand over her heart and sighed deeply. "I recognise this." She said a simple sentence but it carried great meaning to Harry.
"You do?" He asked, yearning for more information.
"Yes…" Minerva answered slowly, moving her eyes from the page and back to Harry. "I'm sure I recognise it but when I try to pull it into view in my mind…. it goes again."
Harry sat upright as tenseness increased across his shoulders, his brow furrowed as he pondered Minerva's words. He found himself crossing his legs as he mind began working in overdrive.
"What do you mean…. goes again?"
Minerva pulled the book closer to her abdomen instinctively. "It's hard to explain Harry, when I see things which are familiar or recognisable to me… it's like my head is filled with cotton wool. Nothing feels clear."
She rubbed her temple, as a pang of frustration rearing its head. "Am I making sense?"
"I feel like my mind is wading through mud, like walking during a thick fog. I feel constantly blocked off by something."
Harry tugged himself away from his own thoughts and back to Minerva but by the time he was about to summon an answer, Minerva had slapped the book shut in anger and the glass on her nightstand shattered suddenly.
He jumped up and used his wand to clear the mess, then placed his hand on Minerva's arm. "Minerva!" His voice crept upwards in volume. "Are you alright?"
She didn't respond, instead choosing to look away in an attempt to mask the embarrassment displayed on her flushed face. Harry tucked his wand away, his mind still whirring away with him. "What I was going to say before you broke the glass. Is that I think I do understand what you're trying to tell me."
Minerva looked fiercely at Harry. "I didn't purposely break it. I can't bloody control it!"
Harry sat back down and looked at her softly. "You can't?" He replied, trying to suppress the tone of surprise in his voice.
"No!" She bit back. "That's what I am trying to tell you, this feeling in my head… this complete lack of clarity isn't just affecting my memories. But my magic too."
Over the course of Minerva's stay in the Janus Thickey ward he had noticed a difference in her magic, but it's a hard subject to bring up with anybody especially when suffering from a condition such as Minerva's.
What he had come to understand as an adult wizard, was that magic isn't just a standalone moment when performing a spell or brewing a potion but more like a tangible force drifting in the air. Like the buzz of electricity or change in the wind. In underage wizards they would often perform accidental magic, ranging from summoning a toy to them all the way up to apparition.
As an adult, you gained an understanding of your own magic in relation to the world, you could sense other people's power and use what surrounded you to feed into your own work. This was especially the case for those with exceptional power or training, and previous to Minerva falling ill, she definitely fell into this category.
Harry had grown used to the aura Minerva's magic could exude, except now it seemed to waver and dip. She seemed to perform accidental magic frequently rather than the control he was used to seeing, which left her feeling either frustrated or embarrassed. He knew something was off, he could sense it, see it, but hearing her finally put it into words had solidified a few theories he had. He was sure now that Minerva losing her memory was anything but accidental.
He stood up and put his coat on ready to leave. "You keep the book Min, I have some people to catch up with before I head home this evening." He leaned in and lightly kissed her forehead.
"Love you." He added, as he waved his hand over the glass to refill it. She smiled thankfully at him before he turned to leave.
-MP-
Once he arrived home he promptly cast a patronus with his wand, conjuring a glittering stag in front of him. He whispered in its ear, asking Ron and Hermione to visit him as he had something he wanted to discuss.
Luckily they were both home and apparated themselves to his house a short while after. He heard their familiar tap on the door and opened it with a smile to greet them both.
Ron beamed back and pulled his friend into a quick hug, whereas Hermione looked at him with a slight wariness before walking inside. He told them he was just going to prepare some tea before he would join them in the living room.
When he returned they were sitting side by side on his sofa, his entrance clearly stopping them amidst a whispered conversation. Ron wearing a tell-tale guilty expression on his face and Hermione deflecting the awkwardness by pouring tea for the three of them.
"Did I interrupt something?" He questioned, and instantly regretted the hostile approach he took to the conversation.
Ron shuffled awkwardly in his seat, looking at his wife several times before his eyes rested on his best friend.
"Look mate, I'll be honest…" Hermione interrupted him with a scalding look, but Ron persevered.
"No Hermione… he's my best mate so I will be honest if I want to."
She relented and sat back on the sofa with her cup of tea, allowing Ron to carry on with what he was about to say.
"It's just what Ginny and Hermione have been saying is…. you've become a little fixated on Minerva's situation."
He sat more upright as if steadying himself to fire back but Ron shook his head at him to calm down.
"We appreciate you've been having a really rough time, and it's been hell to deal with it. Especially when you and Gin had only just started to get going again, and we've seen the difference it's made with the kids."
"We just don't want you going down a rabbit hole." He sighed heavily.
Hermione looked at Harry with a serious expression. "Which I might add… I'm worried you have gone down already."
"With good reason!" Harry banded back. "I'm not being crazy given the situation and with the information I learned this afternoon.. I know for sure I'm not!"
The pair both frowned at each other and then back towards Harry. "What information?" Hermione asked.
"I brought the photo album I gave to Minerva with me today for our visit, I included a picture of Caithness and her family. She spent ages just staring at the countryside photo of Caithness. Tracing it over and over with her fingers."
He relaxed slightly and picked up the cup of tea Hermione had poured. "Then she got angry that the photo was familiar but she couldn't remember because she said her mind is like looking through fog. Then she accidentally broke a glass with her magic."
Hermione let out a quiet gasp as he finished his sentence, Ron sat beside her looking slightly confused at the conversation. "That's just 'cause she's ill, right?" He asked.
His wife shook her head slowly. "Did she say anything else?"
"Yeah. She did." Harry replied, his voice now a calm and even tone after picking up on Hermione's sudden interest in the topic. "She said her magic is acting up and she keeps making things happen accidentally but she can't stop it, and when she tries to focus on a memory or her mind in general, she said thinking is like wading through mud and her mind lacks clarity."
"Hmmm…." Hermione responded before sipping more of her drink. "That's interesting."
Harry looked at Ron and aimed to abate his confusion. "You know I've been saying this whole memory thing seems weird… that I thought something was off?"
"Yeah?" Ron responded.
"Well if whatever caused her to lose her memory is messing with her magic. Then I might be right."
Ron looked at Hermione who nodded in support. "He might be." She supplied.
"Then what's the next step?" Ron said, looking between Hermione and Harry opposite him.
Harry let a small smile press against his lips, he set his cup down on the coffee table and focused on his two best friends. "I was going to ask Hermione to look into Minerva's mind, to see if there is anything magical there… like memory charms for example."
Ron grew concerned and his gaze fell directly onto his wife. "I don't think we should meddle too much, this could be some advanced stuff. Way beyond our paygrade."
Hermione murmured in agreement. "I don't think this is a simple memory charm, Harry." She then placed her own cup down gently onto the table. "But if you think it's worth looking into then I will give it a try."
Ron made to protest but Hermione quickly shut him down, her face sporting a delicate balance between a gentle smile and a stern expression. "Ron, I appreciate you looking out for me, I really do, but I think we owe it to our former Professor to try? Don't we?"
"After all, just think of all the times she stuck her neck out for us as kids."
By the time she finished, Ron also had a smile on his face. "She sure saved my arse more times than I can count."
"Good!" Harry agreed, feeling a sense of lightness in his chest. "Meanwhile, and before you protest Hermione you won't change my mind. I'm going to continue to look into the memory cabinet, I mean after all it helped get this far by inspiring me to give her a photograph of Caithness."
Hermione nodded again, but with less vigour than before. He could tell that she thought the memory phials were not worth exploring, that it was nothing more than an elderly witch or wizard trying to keep track of time. Yet, their allure drew Harry in and he fully committed to searching as many of them as possible.
"Harry, just remember to be careful, okay?" She pleaded, her brown eyes boring into Harry's green ones.
He tried to look away but he quickly found Ron wearing a look of a similar intensity. "It's not just for us mate, think of Gin… and the kids."
Harry's head fell into a guilty nod, of course he had been thinking about the children. His mind swam with thoughts of worry about them every day, even more so since Minerva became ill and he was going to do everything in his power to bring her back to them. Even if it came at a risk to himself.
-MP-
