(A/N: Hey, Happy Pride! It's actually pretty fitting to post this chapter for pride, but I won't say more. To all my queer, particularly trans, siblings, stick around after the chapter for a special note if you'd like.)

"Breathe, Breathe in the air
Don't be afraid to care
Leave, don't leave me
Look around, choose your own ground"

—"Breathe" from Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd

"YOU WHAT?!" Cori screamed. Max threw a paw to his aching head, hopes for a moment's rest thoroughly dashed. His nap hadn't condensed time, either, since he could very clearly feel grass scratching at his belly.

"Well hello," Max groaned. He tried to use the arm not holding his head to push himself up, but a searing pain in his shoulder stopped that before it started, and he flopped back down to the ground. "Ow ow ow. Ow." He let go of his head and grabbed his shoulder instead while turning to glance it over. It looked fine, somehow, but oh was it not.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Neb approaching from about the same area he'd heard Cori scream (Cori still far too busy yelling at Eleos to even see him). Even though he knew Jake was down for the count, he still flinched and started looking for Jake. Only once he found the petrified pokémon did he manage a breath of relief.

"Please," Neb chuckled. "I know I told you to be careful, but," she nodded at Jake's petrified form, "I'm willing to believe you had some extenuating circumstances to deal with." Max didn't have the energy to clarify his nervousness, so he nodded along. At least, until she brought out a roll of bandages.

He hopped up and shouted, "No!" His tail and right paw went up to guard his bad shoulder, yet even the simple jostle of that movement sent a shock of pain from his injury. He doubled over to clutch it again, but kept his tail in the way. "It's fine," he groaned through a grimace. Neb had backed off a bit, at least, though she didn't pretend to buy that he was fine. Given that he could only manage to keep one eye open against the grimace, he didn't blame her.

"Max," she said. "What's going on?" He tried to look at her, but couldn't take his eyes off the bandages until she noticed and hid them back in her bag. With them gone, he intently scanned her every feature to see if they matched with his memory.

"Looking for anger? I promise I'm not mad," she said, and she even offered a smile to prove it. "I'm not going to hurt you." Max finally managed to meet her eyes (half-hidden behind his tail, still). Neb tilted her head in concern. "Did he go feral?" she mumbled to herself. "I thought I heard him speak." A whimper managed to squeak its way out of him.

"N-no, sorry," Max mumbled, a careful rein on his speech. He took a deep breath and let his tail drop, though still kept his shoulder on the side opposite of her. "Last time I saw you, you weren't, uh," his tail flicked as he gave a self-conscious look away, "real."

Despite the absurd claim, Neb only gave an understanding nod. "According to Eleos, the last time I saw you wasn't the real you, either," she said, then put on a wry smile. "Unless you remember kissing it."

If Max had the energy to manage a spark, he'd have spewed them from his cheeks worse than his first day as a pikachu. Unfortunately, his expression didn't manage to hide the horror. "Well," he mumbled, "I-I was. The fake me showed up after that."

"Oh," Neb said. A touch of the embarrassment transferred to her, but she looked more concerned. With a glance back to check their privacy, she moved in closer and nuzzled his cheek. "Look, it's okay," she whispered. "I'm sure that's not the response you were looking for, but I'm sure it was just stressed." While he wanted to clear this up, she started to wrap around his back, and that made sitting back much more comfortable. "Even if it doesn't feel the same way, it very clearly cares a lot about you."

Simple nods, simple nods. She didn't know the full story, but she didn't need to, either, and Max wanted the awkward moment to end as soon as possible. He looked to his right to hopefully hide his embarrassment. It was dripping off him, but maybe he could at least hide the sight of it.

"It'll be okay," Neb said, leaning her cheek into his side. "Now, let me look at this." He glanced back and saw the roll of bandages hovering near his shoulder.

Max shouted, "Chu!" jumped away, and smacked the roll out of the air. His shoulder throbbed with every movement. He was out of breath, but he still kept a vigilant watch on her. Neb, for her part, didn't react much, at least not physically. She had a plenty shocked expression, but she didn't so much as dodge, even when his tail had whizzed past her head.

When her gaze met Max's, he could feel her looking deeper, trying to see if he was really there. As much as his instincts fought for it, he was still in control. He clutched his arm tight to try and keep its weight off his shoulder, but he could only mitigate the pain, not stop it.

"Max?" Neb asked. Max managed to look back at her for a moment, but his eyes ultimately fell to the grass below. "Can you just tell me what's going on?"

He tried to take deep breaths, but he already had to breathe pretty heavily as it stood. "P-Pi, pichu," he mumbled. He probably would've smacked himself in the face if his paw wasn't busy holding his arm. Deeper breaths, deeper breaths. "Yeah, sorry." Better.

Shaking his head, he tried to rattle the instincts out, but it only gave him the beginnings of a headache. He started to growl before a glance at Neb reminded him what he needed to explain. "I got pretty close back there," he mumbled. He sat down as gently as he possibly could to jostle his shoulder as little as he could; his hindpaws needed the rest. "Blacking out, I mean."

When Neb nodded, he went on, "So, that's kinda. Head space I'm dealing with." She probably didn't need that explained. Still, he had to stall explaining what happened.

Had to.

Unfortunately, when he glanced back at her, he knew he'd run out of diversions. "Well, I'm—my instincts—," he told himself that was a good save despite not believing it, "are acting up like that because the fake you wrapped me up in bandages so I couldn't use my tail."

Neb nodded along, mostly supportive, but with a befuddled turn towards the end. "Okay?" she said, giving a pause for further explanation. Max didn't really have much more. When he finally shrugged, she tilted her head with a poorly suppressed smirk. "Max, why was that so hard to tell me?"

Max blinked. He. He didn't know. Neb started giggling once the confusion registered on his face; Max brought his functioning paw up to rub his temple. "I'm just tired," he chuckled. Along with their waning control over him, his instincts didn't know what to make of Neb. While they fought over whether or not she was a threat, he took a breath of relief, finally having a chance to share a laugh with a friend again.

He held his bracelet with his paw, while the arm wearing it dangled. While he mostly had control, he took a few breaths to ground himself just in case. The bandages bounced their way over to interrupt him, no purple aura to be seen. He looked up at Neb, and she asked, "Still remember how to do it?"

With a nod, Max leaned down to pick up the roll, though he didn't exude confidence. "To my ankle," he mumbled. "Tight enough to be uncomfortable, but not painful, right?"

"Very good," Neb said. Max rolled his eyes at the excessive cheer. "Wrap it once around the bicep," she started to explain. Max nodded, though it took a moment to get the roll unstuck from itself, and did as she said. "Now, all the way to the other side of the chest." He raised a brow, but did as she said regardless.

A squeak of unease whimpered out of him when it rolled itself the rest of the way around his back. He tried to keep his cool but still kept his tail far out of its range just in case. "Sorry," Neb said. The roll wound up to the top of his shoulder, waiting for him. When he grabbed it, she went on, "Down, then around your bicep and chest again, now."

He nodded along and did as she asked. Neb still had to wrap it around his back, but it wasn't quite as horrifying the second time. "There," she said, snipping the bandages from the roll with scissors. and tucking them into themselves. "That should help, but still try to keep weight off it."

Max nodded. Even the very light test of trying to lift it, however, while better, was still too painful to accomplish. "What the hell," he groaned.

"I'm guessing that's from when the mountain collapsed on itself?" Neb asked.

"No," Max said with a shake of his head. "Jake glanced me with a huge beam." It hadn't hurt this bad immediately after, but that was probably the adrenaline.

"Oh, that," Neb said. "That's what got us to turn back around." She took a step towards him, but paused for his go ahead before coming closer. "Cori and I went to check your house, but Eleos went back to the dungeon." She chuckled and started wrapping around him again. "I was actually hoping to get to you before it could, but oh well." She looked over his handiwork, mouth twisted down. "Wish I'd known to bring a sling."

That gave Max an idea. He reached up to partially unwrap his scarf from his neck, then (grit his teeth while he) held up his left arm and bent it to wrap the makeshift sling around it twice, then brought it back up to his neck. "Done," he declared.

Glancing it over, Neb gave a nod of commendation. "You're pretty resourceful, I'll give you that," she said.

"Comes with the vocation," Max said. "I could never remember what I needed to bring, but I could always make do." He looked over his makeshift sling with a hint of pride. Vague shadows of past experience played in his mind. Close enough to feel frustrating, but he tried not to think about it much. He chuckled and shook his head. "My partner used to get so mad at me over it."

A thorn of frustration stung his moment of mirth. "My…," he mumbled, trying to remember the charmander's name. His ears flopped down to his head. Gravity pulled him down harder. He squished deeper into Neb's embrace.

Neb squeezed him a bit tighter. "What's up?" she asked.

"His name," Max mumbled. "I'd remembered it when…." He buried his eyes in his paws before taking himself back to that place. It had been less than an hour or two ago, but he just wanted the memory to leave. "I'd really rather only explain this once." He shook his head and looked to Cori, assuming they'd have stopped yelling at Eleos by now.

They had not. He'd just tuned them out that well. How tired was he?

"Cori!" Neb called. Max slapped his paw over his ears and leered back at her. A paw pat his back to comfort him and nothing more. "Oh, they'd have to drag that statue over here." Max looked over with a reluctant sigh. He really didn't want to have to get up, but Neb already started. "Oh, still tired?" He nodded. "Here, I've got you."

Max started to turn in search of clarification, but she dragged him up by the nape of his neck before he could. "Wh-pi—Pi! Ka pi chu pika?!" he shouted at her. After some token wiggles, though, he gave up and let the embarrassment take him. That embarrassment managed to blaze even hotter when Eleos (back to its charmander form) glanced their way. He tried to hide behind his tail, but that only made him feel its gaze on him more.

"Max, are you feeling better?" Eleos asked. The grass hit his seat a beat later.

"A little bit," Max mumbled. He took a deep breath and let his tail fall. The sight of Eleos smiling down at him, extending a paw to help him up made him glad he did. "Thanks." He took its paw, and it yanked him up and into an embrace.

Eleos gave him a firm squeeze, careful around the bad shoulder, then pulled away just enough to let their eyes meet. "That's wonderful to hear," it said. Just when Max didn't think his smile could get any wider, it started leaning its mouth down to his. Max eagerly reciprocated the kiss, ears and tail rocketing up and out in excitement.

The kiss wasn't as extravagant as last time, but that somehow made it even more magical. When they pulled apart, Max felt his cheeks tingling with joy. Eleos brought its paw up to pat him on the head (a bit too much like a pet, but whatever).

"You're not distracting me from this with that!" Cori yelled, throwing their paws at the petrified Jake. "Max! Look at what it did!" Max looked over with narrowed eyes. "Or, uh." Cori's nerve dissolved, yet miraculously, only slightly. "Congrats!" They gave a thumb's up, then threw their paw back to Jake. "Now, look!"

"I know," Max chuckled, turning to stand by Eleos's side (and sharing an awkward shrug with Neb). Since it was on his left, he couldn't wrap his arm around it like he'd like to, so he just leaned into it. Eleos pulled its arm back to wrap around him. "Fucker tried to kill me."

Cori stopped in their tracks, their prepackaged counter stuck in their throat. They looked over Max, and seemed to notice his wrapped and slung arm for the first time. "Oh," they mumbled. Their expression softened, but they still looked back at Jake with uncertainty. "Wh-what happened?" The real time rationalizations ran in their eyes, clear as day. "Was it a misunderstanding?"

"No," Max said. He looked to the side with a deep sigh. "Honestly, I wish it was." Another deep breath tried to prepare him to tell the story, though he could still feel a growing sense of dread in the pit of his stomach. "It started after I lost y'all. I got turned around and somehow ended up back at the start of the floor. When I got back to y'all, though," recalling the replicants made him shudder, "you weren't really you."

Eleos rubbed its paw down his back, reminding him he wasn't alone. Even though, when he looked up, Cori and Neb looked skeptically confused. Max regretfully realized he'd have to explain more. "Okay, so you know how Eleos said I wasn't me after I kissed it?" he asked, getting nods back. "That was Jake. He has a way to look like other people. He impersonated me with it, then y'all."

Max's eyes drifted down as the memories ran in his mind. "M-my old partner," he whispered, struggling through voice cracks. "His, when it happened, I remembered his name, but—I just—when the instincts started getting louder, I—"

He leaned into Eleos as it wrapped its other arm around him, giving him light, careful squeezes. His paw went up to dab the tears away, earning him another light squeeze. He looked at his open paw a moment, then clenched it to try and steel himself. His gaze drifted to Jake, and he clenched his jaw to hold himself together. "This is downright fucking merciful compared to what I wanted to do to him," he growled.

Cori let out a whimper, and Max suddenly remembered who he was talking with. Yet, it didn't help him get over his feelings like he wished he could. "I-I'm sorry," he mumbled, trying to ignore his voice cracking while he wiped more tears away. Strength left his legs, but Eleos held him up. "I know you like him."

"N-no, or, well, it's—," Cori stumbled over their own words, trying to pretend they felt fine, but the lingering terror in their eyes betrayed their true feelings. When they looked back at Max, though, they shook their head. "I'm sorry, I didn't know. It's just…," their eyes couldn't help glancing back at Jake's petrified form, "scary."

Max let out his held breath and sighed, "Thank you." Some of the strength returned to his legs, so he tapped Eleos's arm and started standing on his own again, but he still leaned heavily on it for support (the warm scales and light scent of sulfur felt safer than he he had in years). Even despite all that the ghost had put him through, he still felt a twinge of terror seeing him petrified like that. His paw involuntarily clenched to check it still could.

"I don't know if it was the right thing to do," Max admitted. Most of his sobs had abated, though he still looked sheepish when he glanced back up to Cori and Neb. "But he's still alive, and now, we can talk to him without worrying about him escaping."

Neb's eyes immediately flashed with horrified recognition while Cori tilted their head in confusion. "You can?" they asked. "How?"

Max shivered, and Eleos gave him another firm squeeze. "Your soul goes to the Voidlands when you're petrified," he explained. He waited a beat, hoping for Cori to connect the rest of the dots, but they remained in the dark. Eleos lightly scratched at the crook of his neck and dug its thumb into the muscle to massage out the tension. "So, all I need to do is visit the Voidlands to talk with him."

The same horrified realization finally dawned on Cori. "Y-oh, you. Oh," they mumbled. Max had told both of them about how his first stint in the Voidlands still haunted his nightmares, as if he really needed to expound on how.

"It's fine," Max rushed out, though a glance at Neb deflated the lie immediately. "Okay, not fine." He reached up to scratch the back of his neck only to find Eleos had already started on the precise spot that needed it. "But I did it to talk with Eleos before, and I didn't even feel it." He tried to exude confidence in his claim, and surprisingly managed better than he'd expected. "It just possesses me before it starts and—" he tried to ignore the flash of horror on Neb and Cori's faces and went on, "—leaves me after."

Eleos rubbed at his good shoulder and looked down at him with a smirk. "In a familiar, comfortable position," it said.

Max glared up at it and elbowed its chest before his shoulder screamed about how bad an idea that was. White flashed over the entirety of his vision. Luckily, he remained standing when it came back. "Pi, pichu pi chu," he whimpered. Eleos's other paw pressed into his chest, and he realized it was holding him up.

The pain barely began to fade, and he managed to start thinking again. He remembered that embarrassing pose and started wondering when Eleos could have possibly seen him in it. In fact, where had it learned to kiss? His tongue darted out across his own to feel the lingering memory of that warm passion, which felt even more strange considering it hadn't even known how to smile the first time it took a charmander-inspired form.

"Speaking of," Max mumbled—quickly wishing he hadn't referenced back to that, but he tried to move on. "Where'd you learn how to kiss?" Neb and Cori shared an amused glance that Max pretended not to see.

"Oh, that's quite simple," Eleos explained. "Though I lay mostly dormant, I was apperceptive during your time in the Dungeons."

Max tilted his head in confusion, then froze. A shower of sparks worse than the first day he woke up in this world started before he reflexively reigned them in. "Y-y-chu pik Pi…," he stuttered. His distant stare into the ground beneath their paws somehow managed to drag its way up to Neb for any insight—surely she'd know enough about the topic to refute that—, but she looked as bewildered as he did.

At least she wasn't laughing.

"D-dungeons, about them!" Cori stammered out. They reached into their bag and pulled out a crochet kit and a bandanna. "Found them!" Their smile had to be the most forced, terrified smile Max had ever seen, but God if he didn't appreciate the effort.

Unsure he could even manage a word, Max gave a thumb's up and tried a smile of his own. Eleos's paw gripped the back of his neck a bit harder than usual, and before he could ask why—

Should I not have divulged such information?

Max swallowed his humiliation and shook his head. "No," he whispered, intentionally using speech only Eleos could understand. "Not in front of others like that."

Oh. My apologies.

When Max started to nod, Neb said, "Uh, Max?" He glanced over at her as if nothing happened. For once, it actually seemed to partially work. "Do you know you're speaking in feral?"

"Oh, sorry," Max said. "Just thinking aloud." Eleos released its grip on his neck, giving it a comforting pat as if to apologize, though it made Max have to resist the urge to lean into the petting. He looked over to Cori with a more stable smile. "Was that really all of them?"

"Yep!" Cori said with a little bounce. They were very clearly proud of this achievement, and the sheer exuberance made Max feel a bit happier, too.

"Nice work," Max said with a genuine breath of relief. A glance up at the mountain made him very glad he wouldn't need to go back in for at least a while. "Think I could rest up at my place while y'all turn all that in?"

"Oh, yeah, sure, but uh…," Cori said with nervous glances to Jake. "What are we gonna do with him?"

"Worry not," Eleos said. It pulled Max in for a hug and another quick kiss, then let him go. It walked up to the statue, grabbed a leg in each paw, and hoisted it up with ease. Cori and Neb stared at the impressive feat while Max felt a different sort of admiration warming up his chest. "Shall we?"

"Sure," Max said. He would rather have walked hanging off Eleos, but they'd have time together once they got home. "Let's go."

"Long you live and high you fly
Smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
And all you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be"

"PIKA CHU!" Max shrieked in agony while Neb yanked and wailed on his shoulder. To him, at least. She'd only really raised his arm a bit higher than his shoulder, but he really wished she hadn't. He didn't even have Eleos's paw to clutch since it had to go turn in the items with Cori.

The purple aura tormenting his arm delicately let it down and guided it back into its sling. The searing pain faded to a dull throb. "Pika pi kaaa," Max whimpered, eyes fighting back tears while his other paw clutched at his shoulder.

Neb sat next to him and floated a few orans in front of him. "I'm sorry, I know it hurts," she said. One of the orans floated up to his mouth, and he had to force himself to unclench his jaw to let it in. "We're almost done, I promise. I just want to check what's wrong with it."

The oran couldn't dissolve fast enough. His shoulder felt worse than it did when he woke up, now. The orans helped dull the pain, but that was it. At least they let him stall, too, since Neb didn't bother his shoulder while he was eating them. Actually, that was probably intentional on her part. Maybe she thought the breaks were enough.

They weren't. As the second oran turned to mush in his mouth, as it slipped down his throat despite his attempts to draw it out for as long as possible, the inevitable crawled closer and closer. Max tried to prepare himself for the incoming onslaught.

The weight of the entire day rested on his shoulders, and he could feel it.

Especially his left.

He clenched his jaw as tight as possible. Despite squeezing his eyes shut as tightly as he could, he realized the stream of tears fell right through. He tried to clench harder. They kept falling.

"… On second thought, you've been through enough today," Neb said.

Max nearly fainted from relief. That, or having tensed himself up for so long. "Ka chu," he thanked. The slip into feral distracted him from the constant voice cracks, at least. He let his eyes open to glance around (and to confirm that Neb wasn't coming any closer). While Jake's place off to the side stole the show, he did his best to look elsewhere.

The records. He'd set up the speakers and the turntable that night, but he hadn't had a chance to actually listen to them. "Ka, Neb?" he said. At least the slip up didn't affect the important word. "Ka-n you put some music on?"

With a nod to the equipment, Neb nodded and headed over to it. "What… envelope?" A purple aura floated a few of them out.

"Whichever," Max sighed. Music, that would help. He really needed a minute or forty-five of peace for once. The relief finally hit him, and he let himself fall back against the wall.

Except, he wasn't sitting up against the wall. Or close to it at all.

"Pi-PIKA!" he shouted for help, but he was already well on his way down. He tried to stop the fall with his arms on instinct, but when his left got caught in the sling, his shoulder seared in agony. His right paw rushed to hold it, which he realized too late sent him falling onto his left side. His head hit the wall on the way down, at least, and stunted his fall ever so slightly before his shoulder slammed into the floor.

He blinked. It didn't hurt yet. He knew this trick.

Three.

Two.

One.

Max didn't know what he screamed, if he even did. He saw white. The entirety of his sensory experience turned into the incandescent misery of his shoulder. If he had the ability, he might've hated himself for doing something so stupid, but he didn't. He didn't have much ability to think at all.

His jaw opened. He thought it did it itself for a moment until he felt the paw on his chin. The white subsuming his vision faded enough for him to see he didn't know how many pulverized orans flowing into his mouth. It looked really gross. At least he didn't have to chew them. Oh, they dulled his pain from impossible to unbearable. That was nice. Was he swallowing?

The flow stopped. Neb's face took their place. She seemed worried. He realized her mouth was moving, and the ringing in his ears explained why he couldn't hear her very well. At least she was talking slow. With enough repetition, and the ringing in his ears fading, he finally managed to make out various transmutations of, "Are you okay?"

Max had a very simple answer to that question: "No."

Neb let out a sigh of relief. "Well, no," she said. "No, I don't suppose you would be." She shook her head and smiled down on him. "But, you're still here." It didn't really sound like a positive to Max, but oh well. A yellow berry he slowly recognized as a sitrus floated up to his mouth; he opened up. "Good girl."

Max nodded without thinking, still fairly delirious. Something about what Neb said made her smile, but she didn't want to think about why very much. The berry she was chomping on had a kind of annoying blend of flavors that stole her attention, anyway. For a while, at least. When she realized what Neb said, though, her cheeks sparked like mad, and her ears set ablaze. She tried to sputter out some denial, some rejection, but the dumb smile she had to pull away belied any excuse she tried to make up.

"Oh, she likes it!" Neb chuckled.

Max finally got herself together enough to shout, "No! No she does not!" Unfortunately, she hadn't really been together enough as she thought. "He! I—" He threw his paw over his face (stray sparks still bouncing about). This was taking advantage of him, right? He was injured, and Neb went and initiated a battle of wits. That had to be the most despicable thing she'd ever done.

A budding warmth in her chest made her think Neb had rested her head on him. When he looked down, his chest was clear. Not even his arm was there anymore; Neb must have unwrapped it to set it on the floor. He looked back up. Okay, so that feeling was joy. So, she'd gotten him to laugh at himself again. He wasn't laughing. It was something else.

Max blinked. "Neb?" He didn't hear a response, but Neb looked his way. "Why did that make me feel good?"

Now, Neb did rest her head on his chest. "I don't know," she said. "Why did it make you mad when I called you a guy?"

Max blinked again. A few more times. "I. I don't." His head shook of its own accord.

"Would you like me to keep referring to you like that?"

That managed to make Max balk, at least. "Are you kidding? Everyone would think you're insane!" he grumbled. "Or that I am." Neb nudged into his chest, though for some reason held an expectant gaze. His still burning ears made him turn to face the wall, and he realized that she was waiting for him to give an answer.

The answer was obvious, though. He was a guy. He tried to tell himself everyone would rather be a girl when he remembered his conversation with Cori. They were making an annoying amount of sense all of a sudden. But still, he was a guy. He couldn't handle the humiliation of being called a girl while she looked like that.

And yet.

She really liked it when Neb called her a girl. Neb wiggled her head a little, as if reminding her she still needed to answer. "Just. Don't do it in front of anyone else," Max finally said. "But if it's only us." She took a breath. "I-I think…." She swallowed a heavy breath. At least her burning ears distracted from her infernal shoulder. "I-I'd like that." Was she really saying this? "A lot." Okay, adding that was a bit excessive. "Thanks."

Neb nuzzled up against Max's cheek. "Sure thing, Max," she said. At least her name was still the same. "Are you feeling any better?"

Right, it wasn't a big deal at all. People don't really use gendered pronouns when talking one on one. Max chose not to think of why that disappointed her more than relieved her. "I don't know," she said. "My shoulder still hurts enough that I fucking wish I didn't have one anymore." She tried to force herself to move on, act like nothing happen—hell, Neb was being nonchalant as all get out—and, after a moment, she managed to look around again.

Her eyes quickly landed on the records again, which Neb had hurriedly flopped against the side of the box. Max hoped they were still fine. "I think the music would help," she said.

With a nod, Neb turned to the collection and started floating them around, one after the other. "Oh, these two are all smudged," she said.

For a second, Max was terrified until she saw the two Neb was talking about. A black square with a white smudge and a white square with a black smudge. "Oh, no," Max said. "They're supposed to look like that." It was still surreal to see albums she remembered from her old life. Some from artists she didn't even know had records. If she thought about it, she probably wouldn't know much of anything about them at all, but her amnesia seemed to stay docile as long as she didn't think about it hard.

Neb's psychic tugged some more out, putting the others back, and she got to sifting through the next batch. Max tried not to sway the decision, but she couldn't help herself when she saw a triangle spewing a rainbow out on a black background and said, "Oh, that one's a classic."

Neb chuckled, "Let's go with this one, then." She started to put the rest away, and while Max realized she'd swayed the decision, she also didn't really care. The album floated over to them, and Neb started turning it around, eyes scrunched in confusion. "Girl, help."

"P-put, right, uhh, so the—if—," Max sputtered out, unable to say even a single word before she started interrupting herself. Neb didn't look at her, but that didn't stop Max from catching a glance of that impish grin. With a deep breath, Max said, "There's a record—," did Neb know what a record was? "—er, a black disc inside a sleeve in there."

Neb nodded along, sliding the sleeve out, then the record. "Yeah, now just put—carefully put it on the turntable," Max said. Neb gave her a glance. "The thing between the speak—between the two boxes with circles on the front." Neb nodded, though she still seemed a bit skeptical. Well warranted skepticism, too, which Max realized when Neb clunked the record on top of the dust cover.

Max started to think this was intentional. "Inside. Of that," Max said, trying her best to keep a neutral tone in case this wasn't intentional. When Max glanced up, she thought she could actually see a bit of fluster on Neb's cheeks. Max wished her shoulder didn't hurt so much so she could milk this for all it was worth. As it stood, all this confusion only served to delay getting what she wanted.

Neb hovered the record up a bit to creak the dust cover open, then put it on the felt. "Right, now put the arm on the outside of the record, then turn it on," Max said. She saw some consternation brush Neb's brow, but the latch popped off the arm, and she moved it onto the first track.

When the sound of registers and loose change filled the room, Max realized she made a critical error. "Fuck, wrong side," she mumbled, but then waved a paw. "Whatever, it's still good."

Neb looked at her like she was insane.

In her defense, Max probably would've thought the same in Neb's position. "Give it a minute," she said.

Neb's expression didn't soften a hair, but she rolled her eyes and acquiesced with a furtive glance to Max's shoulder. "You were using your awareness in the dungeon, weren't you?" she asked.

Max glared up at her and growled, "Is now really the time to grill me?"

"I figure you don't have the energy to lie right now," Neb said. Her tone sounded playful, but she didn't have even an echo of a smile.

Max found her jaw clenching itself. "Ka pi, pika pichu," she grumbled, not paying attention to what she said, just letting off steam. Maybe she didn't have the energy to lie. "No." But maybe she didn't have energy for the whole truth, either. "At least, no more than I can help it."

When Neb shot her a curious look, Max crumbled a little bit. "It's kind of always on," Max mumbled. Fuck. She wasn't supposed to admit that. "I can focus on it to make it clearer, but it's always there." Despite telling the truth, she found herself glancing up to check if Neb believed her. "That's why I noticed the distortion." She looked up with timid eyes, feeling the cracks in her voice before she even spoke. "I'm sorry. I'm really trying."

Neb placed a paw on Max's chest and gave it a rub. A gasp of fear faded once Max saw the genuine smile Neb had. "Thank you," Neb said. "I didn't realize it would be that hard for you. Thank you, it means a lot."

The shard of guilt in Max's chest faded enough for a relieved sigh, but didn't disappear. "Thanks for understanding," Max said. She was home free. They shared smiles, then Max looked up to listen to the music. With the opening out of the way, Neb had even started bobbing her tail to the assymetric beat. When Max tried to hum along, though, she felt the shard of guilt lodged in her throat.

Which was fine. She didn't need to worry about it. She was, but she didn't need to.

Yet, as she watched Neb's tail bob, she realized she couldn't go through with this. Trying took her back to that fight, when everyone surrounded her. She didn't know if she was going to make it out alive.

A grumble of frustration. Why did she have to have a conscience? "B-but when the fight started," Max sputtered out. She didn't know if she could bring herself to admit the rest out loud; her paw went to the wrappings on her shoulder, remembering what the fake Neb had done. She thought that maybe she didn't have to go on once Neb started turning back to look. Max turned away to keep from seeing Neb's expression, trying to curl up facing the wall until her shoulder protested, and let out whimpers. "S-s—I'm—," she couldn't get that out, either. "Pi pichu."

Her partner's false body. She squeezed her eyes shut to block the tears again, and it worked almost as poorly as it had last time. At least she didn't have to see how badly she'd hurt Neb if she kept them closed. Sure, she felt Neb get up and tower over her, but she didn't have to see the hurt in her eyes. On a better day, she wouldn't have cried over something like this.

This wasn't a better day.

Then, Neb eased herself down, on top of Max, wrapped her forelegs underneath the chu's head, and pulled her into a hug. Max froze. None of the doppelgangers had grabbed her like this, yet she could see the other two preparing to attack while Neb's held her down.

Neb leaned down; Max felt a gem embedded in fur press against her forehead. "Max," Neb whispered. "It's okay." Max couldn't dare open her eyes, knew it was a trick. "Remember?" She remembered a couple paws kicking her across the floor one after the other. "Extenuating circumstances." Her breath hitched when Neb squeezed her tighter. "I'm not mad. It's okay."

Stone; her shoulder couldn't move—it hurt to try. Everyone surrounded her, ready to attack while her flesh hardened, petrified.

Two paws took turns combing through the fur on the back of her head. Fur. She still had fur. Neb's cheek pressed against hers; her patch squished like always. She wiggled her toes and felt them tangled in someone else's fur. Neb's. Hot streams of tears flowed down her warm cheeks. Her heart beat within her chest. Her flesh was flesh, and her blood was warm.

Max was okay. She was safe. She was in her friend's arms. She brought her arm up to hug Neb back as best she could. Music played while the two of them embraced. "Thank you," Max mewled.

A tighter hug was all the response she got. She needed to let the music wash over her, and somehow, Neb knew that and granted her wish. Familiar, from a time she couldn't remember, a time she felt deeper than her mind. It felt closer than the present. With every beat, every measure, she could hear the next clear as day. She knew this album. She must have listened to it thousands of times.

The melody began to hum from her throat on instinct. An instinct older than her time in the Dungeons. A practiced, cherished impulse. When the lyrics came, she sang them like she had the album open right in front of her. The range felt different, but she couldn't tell exactly how. Neb's chest on top of hers made it hard to breathe properly.

Max didn't much mind. Singing along felt like drinking cold water after baking in a desert for days. Her throat had to be completely different, and some amount of stiffness came from atrophy. The song came out just the same. Written years before she was born, and who knew how long before this current moment, the notes and words communed with her like she could remember from prayers.

Desperate prayers, begging, pleading for something new. Something better. Another chance, to forget the past, to throw away, to come back; never getting the answer she wanted, and never realizing her prayer had been answered until it was gone.

"And everyone you meet." More tears began to fall. "And all that you slight." She could see all her friends in front of her, even the blurred remains of those she'd forgotten made appearances. "And everyone you fight." They all had their place, somehow, even if she never saw it. Even if she still couldn't. "And all that is now, and all that is gone." Her voice cracked. With every meeting, a parting shall follow.

"And all that's to come." But that parting needs not last forever. She'd asked herself many times before how she'd gotten where she was. "And everything under the sun is in tune." For once, she could see it all. Every mistake, coincidence, like fated strings tugging her along, all came together. "But the sun is eclipsed by the moon."

The music faded with the moment, one moment of the many that make up a dull day. She had to laugh. 'Dull day'. She wished.

The fading heartbeat slowly turned to an endless spinning, playing nothing while accumulated static crackled with every rotation of the record's center and the needle pointlessly, endlessly circled it. Neb had rolled off her at some point to wedge between her and the wall so they could stare up at the ceiling together. "That was beautiful," Neb said. Max couldn't bring herself to break the silence yet, even though Neb already had. "You have such a lovely voice."

Max smiled and felt all the dried tear stains that spun their ways down her cheeks. "Thank you," she said. "I worked on it a lot." She scooted a hair closer to Neb. "A few instruments, too." A chuckling memory tickled her. "My Dad said I was much better at learning how to play than learning how to sing." The forgotten slight pierced her, but the old wound healed itself just as fast. "Said my sister was way better before realizing what he said, and then he tried real hard to backpedal."

The memory faded away with Neb's chuckles, and as it did, a realization trickled in. Based on the way Neb was looking at her, she'd noticed it, too. "Don't acknowledge it," Max said. "If I let myself think about that for even a microsecond, I'll get a headache that makes this shoulder feel like a splinter."

"Understood," Neb said with a nod and a smile. She shook her head, and Max chuckled and did the same.

"Fucking memories," Max said. Somehow, that didn't make her think to the one she'd just surfaced. Maybe because the ones that hadn't filled her mind instead. Particular memories. Those that she would have rather not known existed at all. "Neb?"

"What's up, girl?" Neb said. It didn't fluster Max this time. It felt right.

"Do I have kids?" The question came out before she could think about it, which was good. If anyone knew enough about ferals to answer, it would be Neb.

Neb looked over with an incredulous smirk. "No," she declared. "That's ridiculous. Dungeon ferals are just illusions, and they don't do anything to real pokémon but fight them." She flicked her paw at the air as if shooing away the concern. "I'm sure Eleos was just messing with you. It probably just didn't know how to deliver a joke right. You know how it is."

Max sighed a relieved, "Thank you." What a huge weight off her chest—much heavier than the little bit Neb had put on her earlier. It was exactly what she needed to hear from exactly who she needed to hear say it. Max gave a nod and let a deep, refreshing breath fill her lungs before carrying away the impurities when she exhaled. Now that she'd be able to sleep at night, "Okay, now tell me your real answer."

Neb's incredulous smirk had flattened into a blank, distant stare into the sky above the ceiling. "I don't honestly know."

"Run, rabbit, run
Dig that hole, forget the sun
When at last the work is done
Don't sit down, it's time to dig another one"

End of Part One: Memento Mori

(A/N: Thanks for reading up to this point. I've been able to keep up fairly well with new chapters, but I need to slow it just a bit down. The next chapter in particular has been especially meaty, so there'll be a short break. If everything goes smoothly, I've got its release set for... Christmas.

I know it sounds like a long time away, but time moves by far faster than you'd expect. I hope this has been enough catharsis to tide y'all off until then.

Now, for my queer, particularly trans, siblings. Thank you for reading. Max's journey isn't over yet, but she's well on her way. Her story as a whole won't be an easy one, but I promise you it's a joyous one. She has a lot more to figure out, and I'm not going to shy away from the harder parts of being trans, but beyond all that, I want to share the joy.

Being trans is the best thing I've ever been. I've been on HRT for six months at this point (roughly the same amount of time I've been posting this, actually). There's a new kind of being that comes with it and all forms of being true to yourself.

I've mentioned my troubles in notes before, but I'm not being colorful when I say it's probably been the worst year of my life. Very little besides this and my partner went well for me for very long. Waking up, not knowing if I'll be able to eat for how long, going to bed dreading the cost of another day has been dreadful.

This is the happiest I've ever been. I'm waking up every day with a body more and more like what I've always wanted, in tune with what I've always really felt inside, and I've gotten to live alongside my beautiful, wonderful, kind, loving partner. We've been excitedly calling each other lesbians all month (I know it's only been nine days but it counts). They're trans, too, and we both can't believe how freeing it is to be around someone that lets us be ourselves.

People suck. I don't need to tell you the broader situation because you know. It's scary, but that's the point of it all. The point of Pride has always been a fight against that very fear. It is built on this realization that I've been living, that it is better to die as yourself than live as someone else.

The systems in play want you to be scared. They want you to second guess yourself. They want you to think it's not worth it. They're wrong.

I cannot tell you what your journey is. You don't need hrt to be trans, you don't need surgery, to be out, voice training, pretty clothes, to be hot, certainly don't need to be thin,anything. You're trans if you are. That's all that there is to it. Whatever your journey is, know that I'm rooting for you. You'll always have this fat, electric mousegirl in your corner. I hate most of my family, so understand that me calling you a sibling is putting you above them.

Keep yourself as safe as you can. Do whatever you can, but keep yourself alive. Truth is freedom. Live your life because you have no business living someone else's, but make sure you're alive to live it. If you have to wait, I pray you have the strength to endure. I know I barely did. But however long it takes you, whether it's now or years from now, I'll be here.

Long after I'm dead, I live in these words. My soul is ours to share. I will not go quietly. I live here so you can see the joy waiting for you. If I'm still alive or not, know I'll be here for you. Waiting, unbearably excited for the day you get to be you. That day will come. I know it.

It will come.

I'll see you on the Dark Side of the Moon.)