(inspired by a scene during Esme's transformation in "The Face of All the World" by staringatthesky: Edward gets sent emergency-shopping for women's clothing)


Salesclerk: so, what size is this "sister" of yours? I'll need her measurements if I'm to put together anything useful.

Edward: Um…. small?

Salesclerk: I mean, what's her cup size? underwear size?

Edward: what's a cup?

Salesclerk: You know, brassiere?

Edward (blushing to his toes, had he any blood): oh, ah, um… regular, I suppose…

Salesclerk (now joined by two other salesclerks): How big around is her chest, young man! And her waist, and hips?

Edward (now wishing he could just die): uh… *draws a silhouette in the air* yea big?

Salesclerk: And does she prefer lace or satin? Knee-length slip or full-length slip? Nude stockings or black?

Edward (snapping his teeth shut): Did I mention I'm in a hurry? I'm. in. a. hurry. Just. Put. Something. In. The. God. Forsaken. Bag.