A/N: WARNING: Implied/referenced non-con. It's a flashback, flashbacks have a dark font so you can just skip it if you want


Alice knew something was wrong.

She knew it the moment Jasper asked her to walk with him, he wouldn't look at her and he kept finding excuses to avoid her touch, even the smallest ones.

She didn't mind it if he didn't felt like being touched, as long as he was comfortable, what bothered her was that he seemed to be doing it because he was anxious.

For what? She had no idea.

He had brought her to the lake, and he was now sitting at the docks, staring at the water and getting more miserable by the minute.

She sighed, sitting down with him, making a point to keep considerable distance between them to not make him uncomfortable.

-Jazz? You alright?- She asks, her voice soft, she's starting to get worried over this attitude of his, he began acting like this since he came back from that walk with Peter.

Had Peter told him something that upset him? Something about their time in the South? Or was it something else completely unrelated to his walk with Peter?

-Do you love me?

That was not what Alice had expected, of all things possible… what would lead him to ask such a thing? Of course she loved him, wait, God, did he not love her anymore?

That was a thought she hadn't even entertained, he had been so nice to her, and he had asked to kiss her, but what if he had done so because he was curious? Had she been right all along? Did he not want anything to do with her anymore?

-Why do you ask?- She finds herself asking, wanting, needing to know where was this conversation going.

Jasper shrugged, still not looking at her, he was now fiddling with a loose thread on his sweatpants.

-Jasper?

-I just… I don't know, you kept the truth to yourself for months, you could've told me the truth from the beginnin', but you didn't. And I keep wonderin' if maybe, just maybe, you didn't really want to tell me, that maybe you just told me 'cause you were forced to it by the circumstances.

His words froze Alice, what? He thought she didn't love him? Where did that even come from? How did even came to that conclusion?

-Do you not love me anymore? Are you makin' all of this just 'cause you think that's somethin' you need to do 'cause of our relationship in the past? Like you owe me or somethin'? Because you pity me?

-That's-

-You don't have to do it if you don't want to. I know 'm awfully hard on the eye, I can't speak right, I can't walk right, I freak out at random intervals for the smallest and stupidest things and I can't even remember my own name at times. I wake up screaming sometimes, and-

-That's enough.- Alice cut off, wincing at how harsh her voice came out, but she couldn't help it, she couldn't stand the idea of him thinking she didn't love him anymore, that she was just doing this because it was her obligation.

It wasn't.

Jasper for his side bit his tongue, fingers curling into fists, he could feel her anger, her confusion, but her anger… he shouldn't have asked, was she mad he was bringing this up and forcing her to tell him the truth?

Was she mad because he thought himself good enough to dare to ask such a thing after all she's done for him?

-I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, nor to put you on the spot, you don't have to tell me anythin' either if you don't want to, I just… you don't have to put up with me anymore, 'm fine now, you don't have keep on pretendin' that you care.

He hated how blurred his vision grew, hated even more the damn tears that escaped him when she touched his arm. Because he didn't want to lose her.

But he didn't want to force her to be with him either. Sometimes, love wasn't eternal, and dealing with it and accepting it was part of life.

But it still burnt.

-Hey, where's this coming from? Did someone say something? Did Edward say something?- Alice questioned, she hated putting blame on Edward, but with how he was she wouldn't put it past him if he were to attempt to get Jasper's insecurities to burst.

He was still the only one who made his dislike of Jasper very known.

-No, I…- Jasper bit his tongue when his voice broke.

God, could he be more pathetic? No, if he was gonna do this he had to at least do it with some dignity. He had to make it all clear so she wouldn't try to lie anymore.

Thus, taking in a deep breath, he spoke.

-You lied to me, for three months, you only told me the truth 'cause the Cullens made you. And you haven't asked or tried to kiss me since I kissed you, you don't really hug me that much either, and you don't care whether I sleep in your room or the guest room.

Jasper knew that that last one was stupid, and childish, but he couldn't help it, he felt like she did care about him.

As a friend.

Or an acquaintance.

Not romantic.

Just platonic.

And he hated not understanding what even was her stance in this, did she love him? Or did she not?

Meanwhile, Alice couldn't help but frown.

Ah, so it seemed like those three months of lies hadn't been taken with as much ease as she had thought, it was clear this had been bothering him for a while, his voice said it all.

And she hated that she had thought he would be alright with it just because. She should have known he would overthink it, he always did great at overthinking everything, but again, she could see why would he misunderstand.

She had kept her distance from him, even after she told him, but it wasn't because she didn't love him, she loved him, she loved him more than he could ever begin to understand.

Still.

She had to clear this misunderstanding, because she could see that he was hurting, Christ he was crying, and Alice could have lived her entire life without learning that she could make him cry.

She took his hand into her own, rubbing his knuckles with her thumb.

-I do love you, I love you more than I could ever explain. I'm not doing this because I owe you nor out of pity, I'm helping you because I care about you, loving someone means taking care of them when they need it and staying by their side through bad and good, especially through the bad.

Alice said, and when he looked at her she couldn't help but reach out to touch his face, caressing his cheek and wiping away the tears.

-You're not awfully hard on the eye, to me, you're exceptionally handsome, much more handsome than anyone I've ever met. I don't care if you can't speak or walk right, you'll get better, and even if you don't, that's alright too, I will always be here for you, it won't make me love you any less. I love you for who you are, not for what you can or can't do.

Alice had told him something similar in the past when he had first learnt she had seen their future together, when he had asked her if she loved him or the version of him she had in her visions.

She loved him, the real deal would forever be much better than the one in her visions.

-Those "freak outs" are not your fault either, you went through horrible things no one should ever have to go through, and while you might never forget it, it will get better, it won't always feel as bad as it does, I promise.

Trauma never disappeared, but that didn't meant things wouldn't get better, with the right help and support he could start anew in life, he would get better, happier.

He just had to learn to live with it, never let it control him. She would always be here for him, she would help him, there would be good days and there would be bad days.

But it would get better, and she would always be with him.

-You suffered an horrible head injury, it's normal for you to forget things sometimes too, you have to give it time, Carlisle told you, didn't he? The forgetfulness might get better as time goes on. And the nightmares might also lessen with time, it's just been a couple of months, things like these… they take time.

A lot of time, but she didn't mention that one, she knew it frustrated him, but he had to be patient, what he went through… that wasn't something he could just get over in a few days, not even weeks.

But as she told him, things would get better.

-You don't make me uncomfortable, and I don't pretend to care, I do care, because I love you. I know I shouldn't have lied, that I should have told you about our relationship from the beginning, it was wrong and selfish to hide it because of my own feelings.

And messed up.

-You deserved the truth, being afraid doesn't excuse the lying. But I didn't lie to you because I didn't love you anymore, and I was planning on telling you.

-Then why do you put so much distance between us?- He questions, staring straight into her eyes, he looks so broken, so lost … it breaks her heart to know she's the reason of that pain, because she never meant to hurt him .

-I did it because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, you don't remember me, I didn't want to overwhelm you by clinging too much to you, I just thought it would be better to let you be the one reaching out for what made you comfortable.

Alice conceded, because it was true, she had kept her distance so as to not make him uncomfortable, he wasn't as clueless as when he first arrived three months ago, he now had his memories from the South, and maybe even from his human life, he knew what things were acceptable and which weren't among friends.

Kissing him out of nowhere or asking for a kiss might not go well when he didn't remember her, or a hug, she tried to keep those to a minimum, and her bed… she couldn't just ask him to sleep on her bed or take him out of his room and into hers.

He might get uncomfortable, or worse, feel pressured to do something he didn't want to just because he thought that's what was expected of him.

It had happened before, María had conditioned him to never complain, to do things even when he didn't felt comfortable with it, and it had taken Alice over a year to get him to voice out whenever he wasn't comfortable with her touch, specially when he wasn't in the mood.

But it seemed like what she had done with good intentions, to him, it had come off as her rejecting him.

-But I do wanna kiss you, I wanna hug you, and I wanna sleep with you, I like wakin' up to your smell, your voice, your face…- Jasper dared to voice, he finds it nice, even comforting, the idea that she was keeping her distance to not overwhelm him .

And her warmth… it didn't matter how he looked at it, it was genuine; affection, trust, love.

She loves him.

She really loves him.

And he can't help but lean forward, resting his forehead on her shoulder, she isn't lying nor deceiving him, she isn't uncomfortable nor is she disgusted by him. He has no idea what she sees in him, what had led her to love someone like him before, and what led her to still love him, even now when he had nothing to offer to her.

-I like you, a lot.- He whispers, it feels like a confession when he speaks it out loud, but he felt like he had to speak it out loud to make it clear, that he likes her.

Alice for her side smiles, bringing her hand up to rest on the back of Jasper's head.

-I like you a lot too.- She conceded, stroking his hair softly, hearing him say all those things… she had to admit it was nice.

Because she did miss hugging him, she missed their kisses, watching him sleep throughout the night while she cards her fingers through his hair or doodles on his skin with her fingers.

But doing so when he was no long clueless and didn't knew her had felt like pushing it, she had worried he would find her irritating, pushy, or worse.

A creep…

So, hearing him say this…

-I'll be much better on this, promise. And if I get too much just tell me, alright? It's alright to not feel comfortable with something, we were a couple, but that doesn't mean you have to agree to everything, understand?- Alice said, the last thing she wanted was to pressure him into something he didn't felt comfortable with.

-I understand.- Jasper conceded, he felt much better with her words, the genuine honesty in her emotions… because while he did want to kiss her, and hug her, or even sleep on her bed with her.

He didn't felt comfortable with the idea of going further, he has the feeling their relationship might have crossed that stage in the past, but right now, he doesn't want to do that, he feels… not right, disgusting is more like it , he isn't quite sure of the reason, but he feels nauseous over the sole idea of doing that.

The kind of nauseous he also felt like in the shower weeks ago, he doesn't understand the reason, but he has the feeling it's best to not remember.

-As long as you do.

He likes Alice's voice, it's soft, always warm, and he can't help but wonder at times how had their relationship been, Peter told him it was good, and Alice's told him several things they did together, he also had some snippets with her.

But he wants to know more, he wants to know what she sees in him, what leads her to love him so much, how can she love him so much, he wants to know what she thought of him.

But not right now, right now something else wanders his mind, he pulls back to meet her gaze, golden against dark silver.

He leans closer, close enough their noses bump, he can feel the burst of giddiness in her emotions, delight, hope, expectation, excitement.

It amuses him, and it awes him too, how much she feels for him, how every little action he does always seem to wreck havoc in her emotions.

It's exhilarating, to think he can cause such reaction in her with nothing but his proximity, that someone at all is capable of feeling such emotions for him.

-May I kiss you?- He questions, Alice smiles, eyes sparkling before she's the one ending the distance between them.

The feeling of her soft lips pressing against his is enough to make his heartbeat accelerate, warmth spreading across his chest as he smiles into the kiss.

It feels like his chest might burst, and he would be fine with it.

But all good things must come to an end, and much too soon for his liking, she's pulling back, just enough for their lips to still brush against each other's.

-I love you, I love you more than you could ever begin to imagine.- Alice tells him, her voice barely above a whisper.

-I…- Jasper bit his tongue as he found himself unable to answer, she loved him.

And he did feel strong emotions for her, he liked her, a lot, he was quite sure what he felt for her went further than just "liking", but he couldn't still put name to it, and he hated not being able to tell her he loved her, did he love her? He wanted to love her.

Alice's hand resting on his cheek caught his attention, her emotions bled with calm, reassurance, understanding, affection, love.

-It's alright, you don't have to say it if you don't feel like it, I just wanted you to know.- Alice assures, stroking his cheek affectionately. He drops his gaze, and she knows perfectly what he will say way before he even opens his mouth.

-I'm-

-Hey.- She cuts him off, she didn't want him to apologize, much less because of thks.- I know you like me, and that's enough for me. Don't apologize nor feel guilty for feeling the way you do, you are allowed to feel however you want, you don't owe anything to anyone.

She wasn't about to condemn him if he no longer felt the same for her, he was alright and he liked her, that was enough for her, she didn't mind if he never grew to love her like he had done in the past, as long as he was safe and happy nothing else mattered.

He still didn't seem particularly happy, and she couldn't help but give him a peck before pulling him into a hug. She felt him wrap his arms around her before his nose was burying into the crook of her neck.

She found adorable the way his heartbeat changed, always fast during initial contact, in the past, she had loved how his heart would skip a beat whenever he was surprised or whenever she put on a new dress he liked, or how his heartbeat accelerated whenever she kissed him out of nowhere.

Sometimes, she didn't even need to see his face to know his mood, his heartbeat would give him away.

She twirled a golden curl around her finger, smiling as he began moving his dangling legs back and forth, she found it both endearing and amusing.

They sat there for a while, just enjoying the silence and each other's presence, the wind blew softly, making the branches dance and the leaves rustle against each other with a nice crunchy sound, she saw several fish swim by.

-We should head back.- She told in a soft whisper, she could tell he was falling asleep and this was not a good position for him to fall asleep, Jasper mumbled something against her neck, nuzzling her before pulling back to look at her.

She smiled at his displeased frown.

-I'm sorry to disturb you, but you can't sleep sitting down, it's not good for your back.- She told him, biting back a chuckle as his frown deepened.

-'m a vampire.

-A vampire who's muscles are still healing.- She reminded in amusement, he scoffed. Alice stood up, taking his hands and helping him up, he could sit down on his own, but he still didn't have the strength to stand up if he sat on the ground and had nothing to hold onto.

Carlisle worried about his legs, healing took a long of time, but the injuries on his legs were completely healed by now, but he still had troubles moving, Carlisle said his muscles might strengthen with time, that he just needed to keep on exercising his legs from time to time.

But she knew that he also worried this might be a permanent thing, too soon when it's been just three months, but those pins on his muscles and how much starvation he had been subjected to…

There might be permanent side effects none of them was aware of yet, his legs might be one of them, the idea that he might never be able to run, to hunt on his own, it killed Alice, even more so to imagine what his reaction would be like if he were to learn about it.

Alice would always be here for him, she wouldn't mind hunting for him for the rest of their lives, but she knew he wouldn't take it so well, Jasper always hated being perceived as weak or like he couldn't do something, he was too stubborn and proud.

With some hope, Carlisle was right and he would be able to run as time went on.

Her thoughts came to an abrupt halt when she felt Jasper stop, his hand tugging on hers and pulling her back with him.

-Someone's here.- He said before she could so much as ask what was wrong.

Her muscles locked at his words, had she been human her heart would have skipped a beat. He was tense, and his grip on her hand was tight. He was staring straight to the left.

Alice narrowed her eyes, she couldn't hear anything, that could only mean one thing.

Vampire.

And since it didn't come straight at them, it wasn't a nomad.

She felt her throat close, God, was it the Volturi? María? How? She hadn't seen anything, so how did she not see them coming? How-

A man stepped out.

It wasn't the Volturi, and neither was María.

And still, something about him made her skin crawl, Jasper's grip on her hand tightened even more.

Meanwhile, Jasper stared down at the nomad, something wasn't right, he couldn't read the man's emotions, and something about his gaze… he needs to get Alice away from here.

-You've quite the nerve, to come back to the South after what you did.- The man's words sends shivers down his spine, shit, no, he definitely has to get the hell away from here.

-Don't.- He warns as the man takes a step forward, but when that doesn't work and the man lunges.

He does the only thing he can do in a situation where he can't match strength.

He lashes out with his gift, the man comes to an abrupt halt, as if hit by an invisible force before he is violently crashing face first on the ground, Jasper yanks his emotional signature, tearing it apart as he sinks daggers of absolute terror deep within it, submerging him into a sea of utter despair and agony.

He tears it apart, bit, by, bit, he feels nauseous, much more so because the man's screams are making his vision swim, cold sweat trickling down his spine, something akind to numbness overtaking him as his vision zooms out.

"We have been through this five times already, and you still refuse to listen.- The Volturi's leader said, his fingers squeezing tightly, Jasper bit back any sounds, glaring at him hatefully.

"Go. To hell.- Jasper snaps dryly, voice breaking at the end as his eyes squeezed shut, pain shooting right up his groin. He bit his tongue until he tasted acid, but even then, he refused to make any noise.

"I'm honestly starting to think you like this, wouldn't be surprised though, I heard your kind enjoys pain."- The man drawls out, his hand moves.- Behave, and we won't have to go through this anymore, keep it up, and next time there will be more than just this."

Fingers dig into his flesh, fingernails splitting skin open as fire bursts on his neck, a hand stroking his groin, laughter echoing across the walls, eyes, so many eyes, all of them staring, all of them laughing, hands touching everywhere, grabbing, prodding, stroking, squeezing .

Jasper barely registers Alice leaving his side, or the sound of ceramic snapping and the fading emotions.

All he knows is that he drops on the ground on his knees, and before he can stop it, fire burns his throat as he throws up all over the grass, head throbbing, and suddenly, he can't stop shaking, nor even stop the damn tears that break out, he feels terribly nauseous, his skin is burning and he has the most sickening and most overwhelming feeling that he is completely and absolutely filthy.

A filth so deep it was carved right into his flesh.

Hands touch him and he can't keep the strangled cry in.

-Don't touch me!

His voice came out almost foreign to him as he flinched back, swinging his claws at them and backing away. Suddenly, he couldn't breathe, couldn't see past the blur, he was gonna punish him again. They were gonna touch and laugh and stare . Dark darkness. The void was laughing. Mocking. Couldn't see couldn't see, why did he provoke them?

The burning in his chest tugged at his ribcage, making his lungs spasm, he couldn't breathe, couldn't focus. And the laughter wouldn't stop! Stop stopstopstopstopstopstop-

A familiar voice came as a whisper through his panic.

~

Alice hated how things turned out, she felt nauseous over the sight of the vampire's head being metres away from his body.

Because ever since she found out about what had been done to Jasper, she felt sick over the idea of having to behead another vampire, but Jasper had been hurting himself, nothing but beheading a vampire could stop them, and fire, but she had no fire with her.

And Jasper was more important than her own feelings regarding the methods of getting rid of vampires.

She shouldn't have let him use his gift, she knew how to fight, he taught her how to fight, but he had reacted much more faster than she had.

And now…

She wasn't sure what had been done to him, but Alice's come to realize that he won't use his gift like he used to do in the past, his reaction had done nothing but confirm to her that something had been done to him.

The vomiting, the shaking, the sweating, the crying… he was terrified, for using his gift, the idea that those bastards had conditioned him to relate using his gift with some kind of punishment or torture made her seethe.

And still.

Seeing him, hear him react like he did to her touch… it burnt.

It burnt more than feeling his claws slicing through her cheek, she stepped back as he quickly backed away from her, whole body shaking.

Alice could feel the venom dripping down her face, but that didn't stop her from doing what needed to be done, she knelt on the ground, not wanting to be seen as a threat, she held her hands out for him to see.

-Jazz? Can you hear me? You're alright, you're safe, you're not at the church, or Volterra.- She wasn't sure if he was ever taken to Volterra, but she needs him to know he isn't in danger, her voice was soft as she spoke, gentle, but even then, he still looked ready to attack, terrified.

And while seeing him having a flashback wasn't new, somehow, this one felt worse, much worse, that kind of fear… she's never seen anything like it. What had they done to him?

She had her answer when he curled into himself, covering his head.

-'m so sorry sir, I won't do it again, I swear, please don't touch me anymore.

Alice froze at those words.

What?

She knew María had touched him, she had a feeling the bitch might have done more than just touch him, she did it in the past, wouldn't surprise her if she did it again, but it never occurred to her that someone else might have-

Sir.

Sir.

Something raw and almost too overwhelming to bear bloomed in her chest as realization hit.

Had Aro..? She knew the Volturi were bad, messed up on another level, but she had thought that even those bastards would have a line.

They didn't.

And the idea that she had had Aro right infront of her, or whoever the hell was it from the Volturi that had touched him, she felt a new kind of feeling burst in her chest, because who did that to him? How far did they went? With what purpose?

She was gonna- no.

She had to focus now, Jasper needed her now, she could let the anger and the hatred explode later, not now.

-Jazz?- She called, keeping her voice as soft as possible as she scooted closer to him, he curled even tighter, and it broke her heart to hear his sob.

Could she ever fix this? Or had her carelessness condemned him to an eternity of mental demons and nightmares?

-Hey, I'm Alice, remember me? I mean you no harm, you are alright, you are safe. No one is going to hurt you, I promise.

Alice expected him to not react to her voice, but he did, he looked up at her from behind his arm, eyes still glazed over, wary, unfocused.

-You've been living with me and the Cullens these past months, you are alright, you are safe.- Alice reassured, scooting closer to him.

She wasn't sure how long she spent there, talking to him and assuring him over and over again that he was safe, but he seemed to relax, breathing starting to calm down and heartbeat slowing down.

-May I touch you?- She asks gently, he gives her a short nod, and Alice wraps her arms around him, pulling him into a hug, he buries his face into the crook of her neck.- It's alright, you're alright, I'm right here.- She soothes softly.

She can still feel the fire in her chest, anger over what she now knew, over the fact that she now knew perfectly well why had he refused too much taking a shower, why had he asked if Carlisle would leave, or why he waited until there was barely anyone at home before finally taking a shower.

Or those uncomfortable and frightened looks he used to get when he was first brought and Carlisle checked his injuries and body, she had thought it was because he was just generally afraid of everything because of what he went through.

Now she wondered if that fear had been for something else, and the fact that he would look at her with begging eyes…

He had thought Carlisle was touching him unnecessarily with ill intentions and he had been begging her to stop him.

She hugged him tighter, she was gonna erase the Volturi from the face of the Earth, and when she found out who was the bastard who hurt her mate in such a way… she was gonna tear them limb by limb and make them watch as she burn every single inch of their skin.

No one touched him.

Suddenly, she heard footsteps, Jasper tensed in her hold.

And then, a voice she would have given the world to never hear in person broke through the silence.

-Gosh, you've truly turned him into a pathetic weeping dog.

A woman in a red dress stepped out from among the trees.

María.