Why did the Cullens move to Forks when they did? And did they really come from Alaska? Because if so...

(the scene opens with Edward storming into Carlisle/Eleazar's office, with Tanya hot on his heels and scrambling to get her robe on.)

.

Edward (slamming the door open): THIS IS NOT WORKING.

Carlisle: For heaven's sake, Edward, now what?

Tanya: I don't know what his problem is! I ask him to help me with a simple little favor, and he has to blow a gasket! What have you been feeding him, tazmanian devil blood?

Edward: A little favor? Is that what they're calling it now?!

Tanya: I don't think asking for help to hang a picture is too much to ask!

Carlisle: What—

Edward: You could have mentioned the minor fact that you weren't dressed yet!

Tanya: I was in my bedroom! Why should I dress up on your account?

Edward: Because it's generally considered polite to wear clothing when calling someone into your bedroom!

Tanya: You're the telepath! If you didn't want to see, why did you come in?

Carlisle: Tanya, I don't—

Edward: I'm sorry, I didn't realize that I needed to mentally screen every room I walk into to make sure everyone is properly clothed.

Carlisle: Now, Edward, if you—

Tanya: Oh, come on! It's not like you haven't seen me undressed a thousand times!

Edward: (grabs head) For the love of... stop it!

Tanya: (grins) Stop what?

Carlisle: Tanya, this is beyond childish. Whatever you're thinking about, would you PLEASE put an end to it?

Tanya: Oh, so now I have to think a certain way in my own home?

Carlisle: If you want our continued company, yes.

Edward (rolls eyes): Oh, she wants it, all right.

Tanya: Carlisle, I really don't know what to do with this boy. It's really very impolite to call on young ladies in their bedrooms, using one's telepathic gift to wait until the minute they're undressed...

Edward: *splutter*

Tanya (having fun now): Really, Edward! All you have to do is ask!

Carlisle: Tanya...

Tanya: What?! I would think that nearly a century would be a long enough time for you to instill a few manners in your own son! Although I suppose considering your behavior back in 1845, that may be too much to ask.

Edward (easily distracted): Why? What happened in 1845?

Carlisle: Nothing. Now if you two would—

Tanya: Oh, come on Carlisle, don't be shy! It's really quite a funny story, Edward...

Carlisle: That's it. We're leaving.

Edward: Thank GOD. (storms out to pack)

(Carlisle heaves a sigh of relief)

Esme: (pokes her head in the door after listening to the whole thing) So, what happened in 1845?