Thank you to staringatthesky for this plot funnybunny! Basically, an AU in which the Cullens made a run for it in BD instead of standing there waiting for the Volturi to come kill them. The Volturi are forced to rent a bus and embark on a road trip, chasing the Cullens all over North America. Demetri is driving since he's following their mental trail.

Felix: Are we there yet?

Afton: Why would the Cullens have made a pit stop at the Mall of America?

Santiago: I'm sick of country music! Can't we listen to some Latin Pop?

Jane: IF YOU TOUCH THAT DIAL I WILL BURN YOU ALIVE.

Sulpicia: Ooh look, there is another WalMart! Let's stop and have a look.

Aro: *miserable* They're all the same, dearest.

Sulpicia: Well, we won't know that unless we stop and make sure, will we?

Demetri: Alec, for the love of Zeus will you please take away my hearing so I can concentrate?

Alec: *tries*

*bus swerves on highway*

Demetri: NO I NEED MY VISION STOP IT

Felix: Are we there yet?

Athenodora: I don't see why we couldn't have done this in the airplane.

Corin: I don't believe they allow airplanes on the highways here, my lady.

Athenodora: What a wretched country! I'm going to drink the blood of their king for this.

Demetri: Uh oh. I think they went into this forest to hunt squirrels or whatever.

Heidi: *rustling through highway maps* There's no road through the forest here.

Marcus: Good, can we go home now?

Caius: NO! We are not giving up! All you Guards get out and carry the bus through the woods!

Chelsea: I do not carry buses. *alters Caius' loyalty* Get out and carry it yourself!

Caius: Yes Ma'am!

Felix: Are we there yet?