Disclaimer: Everything belongs to The Marvel Universe except for my characters Sophie and Jeremy and any other SOs that become introduced – they are my own creations and are not meant to resemble anyone else's OCs in any way.
A/N: So I apologize in advance, this chapter moves things along very slowly. But I hope you all enjoy it nonetheless.
Chapter 15: Doubts
One month. It had been an entire month since the night she'd all but asked Bucky to make love to her. They had spent the rest of the evening vacillating between comfortable and awkward silence. When she couldn't take it anymore, Sophie made up some dumb excuse and took herself home. She could see the hesitation on his face, his expression almost crestfallen. But she had to do it. She had to remove herself from his presence before whatever it was she was feeling exploded out of her mouth. She needed time to think and dissect. And now, one month later, she'd realized that whatever it was that she thought she had felt had been nothing more than a product of her overwrought emotions from finding out Jeremy was engaged.
After a few awkward days, she and Bucky fell back into their usual, easy interactions. Minus the sex. Neither one of them had initiated and neither one of them seemed to want to. And that was fine by her. Sophie needed the space to regain her senses and disentangle her emotions from their physical acts, to remember that they weren't in any sort of romantic relationship. As the days stretched on, she found it easier and easier to box it all up and convince herself those feelings had never really been there in the first place. As long as she didn't think about it too hard. She looked up as Bucky sat down across from her at their usual haunt, the Brick and Stone.
"So how'd the briefing go?"
"Excellent," he grinned at her, his expression one of barely contained excitement. "We finally have a lead."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah. It's going to take a little work and a shit load of lies but if this pans out we'll be one step closer to finding Moretti. Maybe even figuring out who the hell his grandfather had been."
"That's fantastic! So what now?"
"Well," he tipped his head away from her slightly and eyed her sidelong. "Now I go undercover."
"What?"
"Yeah," Bucky frowned.
"How can you go undercover? Why?"
"Bruce and Tony have created a glove for my left hand, looks real skin. It's freaky actually. Kind of jarring. But we've got to get in with a group in Eastern Europe and suss things out. See if we can discreetly get some information out of them on Moretti's lineage. Maybe even his holdings."
"You keep saying 'we'."
"Nat. Me and Nat."
"Why isn't Steve doing this?"
"Because I want to damn it! Why do you keep doing that? Haven't I proven myself enough already? I can handle it. I don't need you, or anyone else for that matter, constantly questioning my ability to keep it together."
Sophie stared at him wide-eyed, slightly taken aback by his quietly whispered outburst.
"Ok, ok," she held up her hands placatingly. "I'm sorry. I was just…worried."
"Well don't be," he bit out.
She hung her head slightly as she nodded, then sat back and took a sip of her coffee to try to hide her hurt. Bucky ran his hands over his face a few times, letting out a soft sigh.
"So Nat, huh? That's it?"
"Yeah. We're going as wealthy newlyweds on a long ass honeymoon."
"Oh."
He let his hands drop down to the table and he looked at Sophie warily.
"What?"
She gave a little shrug, not sure herself why she suddenly had the sinking feeling in her stomach.
"Nothing. When do you leave? And how long is the mission? Michael hasn't mentioned anything to me yet."
"That's because you won't be monitoring."
"What?"
She sat up in alarm.
"We're leaving tomorrow. The stakes are high with this. It's the only lead we've had and we can't risk fucking it up. There will be a lot of security measures where we're going so it was decided this morning. No Eyes."
"Where are you going?"
Bucky's eyes flashed with some emotion she couldn't name. Regret? Pity?
"I can't tell you."
"Oh."
"We're hoping we'll be in and out in two or three weeks."
Her stomach dropped even further.
"That long, huh?"
He gave her a nonchalant one shoulder shrug.
"I've had longer. This is no big deal."
Sophie gave him a tight smile in response and he eyed her back.
"What is it? What's going on Sophie?"
"N-nothing," she responded, wide-eyed.
"I know you better than that. Spit it out."
Brows knit together, she frowned.
"Why are you being so mean?"
"I'm not being mean. I'm just annoyed. You're still freaking out about me going, aren't you?"
"No! But if I was it would be because I care about you!"
For some reason that Bucky couldn't explain, her remark struck a nerve. He felt his anger flare and the words flew out of his mouth in a low hiss before he could stop them.
"Well maybe you should care less."
Sophie sat there staring at him in stunned silence. Swallowing down the stab of pain in her heart, she began to gather her things, no longer able to look him in the eye. She wanted to say something back. Something witty or cutting. Something that would give her the last word. But she couldn't bring herself to open her mouth for fear of crying. So instead, she stood up and walked out of the coffeeshop, never looking back at him.
…
Bucky sat in the quinjet, silently staring out the window. He felt awful about how he'd left things with Sophie yesterday. They still hadn't spoken since she'd left him alone and he was trying to convince himself that that was a good thing. If the month of no sex with her had taught him anything, it was that he was in desperate need of some distance from Sophie right now. He needed a reset. That time had been good, but not good enough. It had given him a chance to clear his head and come to the realization that because they were such good friends, it was inevitable that sex between them would come with some emotions. But that didn't mean that he needed to twist it into something that it wasn't. This time apart, with no communication whatsoever, would serve him well. It would be a respite for his confused mind and his jumbled feelings. A time for him to really set himself straight again.
"You ok over there?"
Blinking a few times, Bucky sucked in a deep breath and turned towards Natasha. She sat across from him, staring at him like she could read his mind.
"Fine. Just tired. Didn't get enough sleep last night."
"Well, better take a nap now while you can. We've gotta hit the ground running."
Bucky only nodded. Then closed his eyes as he rested his head back against his seat.
…
Sophie walked quietly through the tall shelves of books in the New York Public Library. Her fingers skimmed the spines as she took in the familiar and comforting scent of books. Finding what she had been looking for at last, she pulled the novel off the shelf and clutched it to her chest. She thought about finding a spot to sit and read but instead ended up sliding down to the floor. Her back rested against the shelves as she gently ran her fingertips over the cover.
Closing her eyes, she swallowed down the lump in her throat. It had been somewhere close to four years since she had held this book. It wasn't anything special as far as books go. The storyline was good, but not great. And yet, it would always hold a special place in her heart. For this was the book that she had been reading the second time she saw Bucky. The time when he sat down at her table and they really started to talk. The time when they first clicked and she had immediately known that this was someone who she wanted in her life.
Her mind drifted back to their last conversation and his words still cut just as deep. It had already been a week and other then a signal to check in with the team, no one had heard from either one of them. But that was how it was supposed to be on missions like this. Opening her eyes, she stared at the cover once more. A desperate desire to go back to simpler times between them suddenly grasped her.
How did things get so complicated?
Nearly growling at herself in frustration, she set the book down on the floor beside her. She took in a deep breath to try to steady her nerves.
This is your fault. You're the one making things complicated when you swore to him that nothing would change. That there would be no strings attached. And here you are over-analyzing everything. This doesn't have to be so complex. You and Bucky are still friends. You're comfortable enough with him to ask to have your sexual needs met. That's it. He clearly doesn't have an issue with how things have been going. So don't make it into one. And anyway, it doesn't matter. It's been five weeks and it doesn't look like that's even going to be a thing any more. This is good. This was how it was supposed to go.
Letting her arms drop down, Sophie was startled to find her right hand land on the book she'd set down. Eyeing it one more time, she made a decision. She stood up and reshelved the book, then selected another title.
…
He took a deep breath, arms thrown across the bench back and head tipping backwards as he soaked in the warm sun. Someone approached him from the right and took a seat beside him. Bucky didn't bother cracking an eye as a gentle breeze made the branches overhead sway, causing shadows to dance across his eyelids.
"We've got five minutes before we need to head out."
Humming in response, his lips quirked into a small smile.
"Then I'm going to use every second of that time to enjoy this."
Natasha laughed softly beside him. Then she crossed her arms over her chest and closed her eyes as well, leaning her head backwards.
"It does feel pretty nice, doesn't it?"
He hummed again.
"You seem really…content."
"I am."
"I'm surprised you're not more eager to return home. It's been four weeks."
He gave a little shrug, eyes still closed.
"If I'm being totally honest, I'd almost rather stay here. Right on this bench."
"Running away from your problems aren't going to solve them, Barnes. You know that."
"Who said I'm running away from anything?"
She shrugged, though he couldn't see it.
"I have a sense for these things. Besides, you were completely depressed the first week or two. Something has been bothering you."
"Nothing a little distance couldn't fix."
"Gained some perspective?"
"Mmmhm."
"That's always good."
She took in a steady breath, letting it out slowly through her nose.
"Time to go," she told him softly as she patted his thigh.
Bucky brought his head forward, crystalline blue eyes opening leisurely, his mind still lost in thought.
…
Sophie yawned and gave a luxurious stretch as she stood up.
"Alright, alright. I know you're hungry."
Alpine murred as she danced around Sophie's feet.
"Just give me a moment."
She walked over to the large window in Bucky's living room and stared out at the city below. It was lit up in dazzling colors, the streets alive despite the late hour. Letting out a soft sigh, her hand clutched into a fist at her chest as worry knotted in her stomach.
They were only supposed to be gone two weeks. Three max. I hope they're ok.
Aside from the rare signal from Nat that they were alive and unharmed, there had been no communication from them with the team for four weeks now. And the last signal had been days ago. Alpine stretched out to her full length across Sophie's leg, claws digging into her upper thigh.
"Ow! Ok, I get it. Come on. One more can of wet food wouldn't hurt, right? I may just emotionally eat along with you."
She began a slow walk towards the kitchen, only the glow from the outside world and the TV lighting her way. Her last meeting with Bucky before the mission still continued to weigh heavily on her. She'd never intended for him to feel like she didn't trust him, or didn't think he was capable. But she could see now that that's how her words had been interpreted. If she could take them back, she would. She hated when they argued and the last thing that she wanted was for Bucky to think that she didn't believe in him.
But at the same time, Sophie had to admit to herself that the mission had come at a very opportune time. The separation had really given her a chance to reset her frame of mind. Sex with Bucky was always supposed to be nothing more than an outlet — for stress, for carnal need, for emotional comfort, for whatever either one of them wanted at the moment. It was never supposed to turn into a desire for him. And now, after a month apart and two months without it, she could see how she'd lost sight of that. She'd let the emotions of their friendship get tangled up with the pleasures of sex until she didn't know which way was up and which way was down. Taking the physical aspect out of the equation let her see that they were still just friends, and nothing more. And she was sure that Bucky felt the same.
This was good. It was good to stop before your judgement got too clouded and you did or said something stupid. Something that would ruin both of us. Besides, it wasn't necessarily Bucky that you wanted so bad anyway. It was just that sex with him was so damn good…sooooo damn good. He fucked all sense out of your brain. Now it'll be easy. We can just go back to how things were before and —
Sophie froze. She had been so lost in thought that she hadn't noticed the other person in the apartment.
…
Bucky rolled his stiff shoulders as he rode the elevator up to his apartment. He felt gross. The last several days of their mission hadn't exactly gone as planned and they'd ended up at a safe house so as not to blow their cover. Then they had to take a cargo plane back home, which meant hours of sitting on a filthy, uncomfortable floor, sweating it out. All he wanted to do was take a hot shower and fall into bed. He unlocked the front door and stepped inside his apartment. The door closed softly behind him as he set his duffle bag down and kicked off his shoes. Then he paused. He could hear the low rumble of the TV coming from the living room. Slowly, he slipped a knife out and crept down the short foyer.
Something is wrong. Where the hell is Alpine? She always greets me at the door.
Cautiously, he peeked around the corner. The TV was on but there was no one in the living room. Tilting his head further out, his gaze went to the kitchen. Heart pounding, his breath caught in his throat. Sophie moved about the space with ease, completely oblivious to his presence. Her cotton shorts swayed around her thighs, hardly providing any coverage at all. The soft tank that she wore dipped low in the back and displayed the lacy white bralette underneath. Alpine trilled as she pranced on the breakfast bar while Sophie spooned a can of wet food into her bowl.
Bucky stepped out and approached the kitchen. He was quiet, he knew, but it wasn't intentional. After years of being a world-class assassin, that was just how he moved. Then she spun around, bowl held high in the air. She froze, her eyes catching on his as they glinted from the shadows. She sucked in a surprised breath while Alpine mewed plaintively, standing on her hind legs to reach the bowl, still in mid air.
"Bucky," Sophie breathed out quietly.
She blinked and her head jerked back to the feline as a large paw batted at her wrist. Setting the bowl down on the counter, she came around to stand in front of him. The look on his face was illegible in the darkness of the room. But the way he studied her made her shiver. She couldn't tell if he was still angry with her or not but Sophie suddenly felt an insane pull towards him. Like two opposing magnets put too close together.
Keep it together. Now you're just sex deprived. And you've just spent who knows how long thinking about how good this man is in bed.
"I'm sorry. I…I didn't realize you were back. I just came by to feed Alpine and spend some time with her."
He nodded slowly.
"Thanks," Bucky's voice came out low and gravely, causing a shiver to run up her spine. "We just got in. Debrief tomorrow morning, thank God."
"Oh, ok."
At some point they'd drifted closer to one another until they stood nearly toe to toe. Bucky's heated gaze skimmed up and down her body again.
You're such a fucking idiot. He chided himself.
"Are you ok?" Sophie asked him, voice still low, hands hovering over his abdomen.
"Yeah. I'm fine. Nothing too eventful."
(Body - Lick, Luna Aura)
She nodded, head bowing slightly and gaze dropping to the floor. She could deny a lot of things, but she couldn't deny just how terribly she'd missed him. Suddenly, she didn't know what to do around him. She wanted to hug him like she used to. But at the same time, she desperately wanted to feel his lips against hers, his hands grasping onto her body.
"I'm just filthy. Haven't showered in a few days," Bucky grimaced.
Sophie sucked in a sharp breath at the direction her mind had gone. Head snapping up, her eyes locked with his. Her mouth had gone dry, but there was no stopping the words tumbling from her lips as her desires took over and her brain shut down.
"Then let's go take a shower."
Fingers curling through his belt loops, she tugged him gently towards her. The heat in Bucky's gaze flared. Within a heartbeat, his mouth was on hers. He kissed her with the hunger of a starving man as his hands held her face. Never parting, he began to move forward, guiding Sophie backwards towards his bathroom. Bucky suddenly reached behind her, dragging one of the bar stools out of the way with such force it broke against the breakfast bar. At last they separated for air and she took the opportunity to rid him of his dirty t-shirt before her hands flew to his jeans. Fingers grazing down her arms, Bucky could feel the goosebumps he was leaving in their wake. He grabbed fistfuls of her tank and yanked it over her head, followed by her bralette.
Standing on tiptoe, Sophie pressed the tips of her hardened nipples against his hot, bare chest. She moaned as their lips met again and her core liquified at the intensity of his kiss. Large palms settled against her waist and they began to move again. Stumbling into the bathroom, Bucky turned on the hall light only, allowing it to flood into their space without jarring them. He pressed her against the wall and shoved her shorts and panties down just as Sophie popped the button on his jeans and drew down the zipper. Opening the glass door, Bucky turned the hot water on, then quickly shut it while it heated up. His mouth returned to hers with a renewed hunger. Palms gliding down her sides, he cupped her ass and kneaded it as she moaned into his mouth.
Sophie hooked her fingers into the waistband of his jeans and boxers, shoving them half way down his thighs. His cock sprung free at last, standing proud and heavy with need. Tearing her mouth from his, she panted as she looked down at his manhood, eyes hot and wanton. She felt the ache between her legs intensify at the sight of him reaching down and stroking himself. He allowed her to look for as long as she wanted, enjoying the openly needly expression on her face. But when she reached out, fingers curling around him, his control snapped.
His hands flew down to her thighs and he hauled her up, spinning them both around as Sophie's gasp filled the air. They moved towards the sink, tipping the trashcan over on their way. He set her down on the bathroom counter, placing himself between her knees. Scooting her butt to the edge, she brought her legs up and wrapped them around his waist just as Bucky's lips met hers again. His tongue dipped into her mouth, tasting her, teasing her. She wrapped one arm around his neck and used the other hand to brace behind her on the counter. Bending slightly at the knee, Bucky positioned himself and she finally felt the head of his cock at her entrance. He wound his right arm around her waist to help support her weight and pressed his vibranium palm against the wall near her head, nearly knocking the mirror down in the process.
He continued to kiss her deeply when he finally slipped inside, that first inch gloriously tight. They moaned together. Sophie threw her head backwards, her left arm releasing him and clutching the edge of the counter near her hip.
"More," she begged him. "Please Bucky, give me more."
All reason seemed to leave him as he snapped his hips forward, burying himself inside of her in one fluid move. He groaned deeply as she cried out. Then he was moving. The pace he set was fast and hard while they clung to each other desperately. Sophie shifted backwards from the force of his thrusts and something clattered to the floor, but neither one of them cared. A deep need to connect, to be close, and to sate themselves had taken over. Bucky's tongue moved expertly inside her mouth, rhythmically stroking her along with his cock. The pleasure coiled tight down low in her belly, begging to be set free and she bucked against him hard.
His mouth released hers and his lips began to trail across her jaw, moving to right under her ear. Sophie moaned and tilted her head, giving him better access. He continued on his path to the junction of her neck and shoulder, sucking lightly. Her hand flew to the top of his back, fingernails digging into the flesh as she suddenly toppled over the edge. Stars exploded behind her eyes and she screamed out his name while her hips thrashed, riding out the waves of pleasure. More items flew to the floor and something shattered against the ceramic toilet. Bucky leaned into her, holding her as close as he could in that position until she began to come down from the high.
At last, he shoved his pants completely off. Then without a word, he leaned back, taking Sophie with him. Lifting her back up, he carried her while they were still connected into the now steaming shower. Bucky finally withdrew himself and set her down, but his fingers immediately went to her clit. He pressed and rolled gently, keeping her primed. She panted, gazing up at him with lust hooded eyes.
"Turn around," he commanded her.
Slowly, she complied, laying her palms against the cold stone wall, just above her head. She felt him hovering behind her and it set her alight all over again. He nudged her legs apart with his knees, then pressed on the small of her back, forcing her to arch. Bucky licked his dry lips at the sight of her. She felt his palms skim up her arms until they rested over the backs of her hands, their fingers entwined. Then he was filling her once more. She moaned at the sensation of him stretching her with his cock for the second time in a row. Briefly resting his forehead against the back of her head, she could feel his hot pants fanning over her heated skin.
The water rained down on their backs as he began to move again. Sophie couldn't deny how much she loved it when Bucky took her like this. She moaned deeply while he rolled his hips at a steady pace. The sensation of his body hovering over hers, his cock working inside of her, his tongue on the back of her neck, it was all driving her towards a second release. And it was coming quickly. He pressed his face into her skin at the crook of her neck and wound his vibranium arm around her waist, holding her in place. Pulling out nearly entirely, Bucky began to pump in and out with quick, shallow strokes. Sophie whimpered underneath him, desperate for more.
Then suddenly his hips snapped forward, a wonderful moan escaping his lips. He buried himself inside of her, then resumed his previous pace. She could feel him hanging onto the last semblance of his control by a thread. Turning his head slightly, his lips hovered near her ear as he let out another sensual groan, her name flying from his lips. And that was her undoing. The orgasm ripped through her with the same force of the first one. Sophie keened as her inner walls spasmed, chasing him while he continued to move in and out of her. At last, Bucky's carefully controlled rhythm was lost and he thrust into her once more. Then again. And then he came hard, clutching onto her body like a lifeline.
The groan that was ripped from him was so rapturous that she was willing to do anything to hear it once more. He continued to work himself against her as he spilled inside of her at last. Finally stilling, Bucky leaned his weight against her, pinning her between his own body and the shower wall. The fingers of his right hand were still wound with her own and Sophie could feel his erratic heartbeat against her back. He kissed her right shoulder gently.
"Did you come?" She murmured, turning her head to the side.
Bucky let out a low laugh.
"Yeah…you couldn't tell?"
Sophie flushed.
"You still feel hard."
He pulled out and released her, taking a step back.
"That's because I am."
Sophie whirled around to face him, eyes wide in shock as she took in his barely flagged erection, the tip covered in cum. Tearing her gaze back up to his, her mouth parted slightly in question.
"It's the serum. Sometimes it takes more than one release for me to come down."
She swallowed thickly.
"Oh," was all that she could manage as she watched him stiffen further again.
He brushed his wet hair out of his face and regarded her cautiously.
"I'll be fine," he assured her. "It'll come down eventually."
Sophie's gaze lifted back up to him as she came to a decision. She'd wanted to do this for a while now, imagined what he'd look like in her head, but she'd never dared. But she was now finding it hard to come up with a reason not to. So she dropped down to her knees and wrapped her lips around him before he could protest. Bucky's mouth fell open in shock.
"Sophie," he breathed out in a strained voice. "You don't have to."
She released him with a pop and locked her eyes with his.
"I know."
Bucky let out a wanton moan as her lips closed over him again. She worked her mouth over his shaft as her tongue swirled around, tasting a mixture of both of them. He felt impossibly hard now, his cock aching with the need for a second release. He wanted to close his eyes to focus on the sensation, but he couldn't tear his gaze away from her. The sight of Sophie down on her knees before him stirred something inside of him — a yearning, a desperation, a deep and complete need for her.
(Fall Again - Asher)
He put his hands under her arms and gently tugged until she came to stand before him. His hands skimmed down her body, feather light as he stared into Sophie's eyes. She swallowed hard, her heart suddenly racing. Closing the distance between them, he rubbed his nose gently against hers.
"Think you can handle one more?" He whispered against her mouth.
She sucked in a sharp breath as heat immediately pooled between her thighs.
"Bucky…"
His lips met hers in a soft and tender kiss, a massive contrast to the madness that had just transpired between them. The feel of her teeth gently nibbling on his lower lip spurred him on. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss and pried her mouth open with his own. His tongue gently slipped inside as he guided her backwards. Sophie felt her back bump against the wall. She allowed him to explore her mouth for a moment before softly sucking on his tongue. Bucky let out a noise that was remarkably like a whine.
She let go of him and placed a chaste kiss on his mouth. Palms laid flat, she dragged her hands up and down his chest several times while his eyes bore into hers. Her heart rate picked up even more at his expression. Hand traveling downward, she let her fingers wrap around him. He was hot and stiff in her grasp. She watched his Adam's apple bob up and down as he sighed in delight and let his eyes flutter shut. She continued to watch him in fascination while a mass of butterflies and desire filled her stomach. Standing on tiptoe, Sophie kissed his jaw before letting her mouth travel to his ear.
"I want you Bucky," she whispered. "I…need you…"
She felt him shiver slightly before his eyes eased open and locked with hers. Releasing her hold on him, her hands went to his shoulders as he grasped the back of her thighs and lifted her up. Sophie wrapped her legs around his waist and allowed him to press her against the wall. His lips met hers in a deep and sensual kiss, his tongue gliding in and out of her mouth. She felt Bucky move his hips and his thick shaft rubbed through her wetness. She moaned.
"Please Bucky…please…" she begged him quietly.
He didn't make her ask again. She felt his cock nudging her folds open and then, with one long and slow curve of his hips, he filled her completely. Sophie clung on to him, teeth digging into his shoulder while she moaned in pleasure. Bucky's fingers pressed into her waist and he used the weight of his chest to keep her in place. Then he began to thrust slow and deep and hard. She gasped with each of his movements while his cock stroked her, slipping in and out in an infuriatingly unhurried rhythm.
Their pants and gentle moans filled the dark bathroom as the steaming water continued to pound against Bucky, his body shielding hers from the stream. He relished in the feeling of her soft thighs squeezing and tightening around his waist while he drove her towards oblivion. Sophie clutched onto him, arms around his neck and hands tangled in his hair. She was getting close again, the pressure wound tight within her, ready to explode. She whined, her mouth going to his neck. Her lips traveled up, leaving barely there kisses in their wake. Then she keened again as he shifted and struck a spot that reverberated pleasure throughout her body.
"Faster…I need more…" she panted against his ear.
"I know…" he breathed back.
Then a few moments later, "I want to hear you say my name."
She gazed up at him questioningly, eyes glazed in lust.
"Bucky," she breathed.
His lips worked up her jaw until they stopped right outside of her ear.
"No…say my name."
And then she understood. Turning her head towards him, she kissed the corner of his mouth as he drove into her again.
"James."
He moaned, then angled her hips slightly, applying more friction to her clit, but continuing at his agonizingly slow pace.
"Again."
"James!" She gasped out.
His cheek brushed against hers, then their noses touched as his lips met hers again.
"Come for me one more time doll," Bucky managed to rasp out.
"J-James…"
Sophie writhed, hips bucking, searching him out. Until at last, she reached her peak and her body trembled as it filled with euphoria. It exploded around her like fireworks, burst after burst. She cried out loudly, head thrown backwards. Bucky let go of his control at last. He thrust into her with abandon, pumping his cock in and out of her hot and tight depths. Once, twice, and then he was joining her. He groaned low, her own name tumbling out of his mouth in ecstasy as he buried himself deep inside of her. His stiff cock pulsed, filling her completely once more.
They stayed still and connected for many long minutes as the pleasure eased and began to ebb away. Sophie remained trapped between the shower wall behind her and the wall of his body in front of her. He rested his forehead against her shoulder and breathed hard. The come down left Bucky filled with an emotion he couldn't — wouldn't — name. It felt like his heart and his stomach were being strangled all at once. And all of a sudden, he felt like a fool. How could he have ever believed that a simple physical separation could return things to how they'd once been for them? Sophie sensed that something was off with him, despite what had just transpired between them. Or perhaps it was because of what had transpired between them. Gently, she pushed his head back up and gazed at his face, but he refused to look her in the eye.
"Bucky? What's wrong?"
He remained silent, eyes cast downward. Her fingers ran through his wet hair before her left palm stilled, cupping his cheek.
"James…look at me."
At last he met her gaze.
"What is it?" She whispered.
His heart felt like it was warping. Thoughts and feelings buzzed through him in a maelstrom while he looked at her. Really looked at her. It was there, at the edge of his mind, the notion that's been niggling at his brain for who knows how long. But he couldn't breathe life to it. Not even in the privacy of his own mind. The fear that struck through him wouldn't allow it.
"I don't know," he whispered back.
Sophie studied him for a moment longer before slowly reaching to the back of his head and gently tugging it back down to her shoulder. Bucky closed his eyes and buried his face against her neck. His tears mixed with the now lukewarm water that flowed over them both. She held him tight and let him feel whatever it was that he was feeling in that moment. Some time later, they dried off in silence and fell into bed together without another word.
…
The noise of the busy New York City streets and the low rumble of conversation drifted in muted tones all around him as Bucky zoned out. He sat outside with Sam and Steve and as soon as his lunch order had been placed, he'd promptly let his mind wander. It was obvious to his two friends that he wasn't paying attention, but they let it slide, continuing on with the conversation without him. He couldn't stop thinking about what had happened between he and Sophie two nights prior. The following morning had been quiet and subdued. Awkward wasn't the way he'd describe their interaction. Strained was more like it. And they hadn't seen each other or really spoken since.
He had been an idiot, thinking that time and distance could undo whatever it was he had felt that night she'd come to him after Jeremy's engagement. Sitting on the sunny bench, all the way across the ocean, he'd somehow been able to convince himself that he'd return and they'd pick up like there'd never been any of this madness between them. And then there she was in his apartment, catching him completely unprepared. The way she looked at him, the things she said, he suddenly couldn't remember why he ever thought it was a good idea for them to go back. But by the time he had her pinned against the shower wall, his emotions were overwhelming him. And as the pleasure drained away, his brain had caught up with his heart.
"I know you're probably worried this could ruin our friendship. I've thought about that too. But it doesn't have to. It could just be this once…no strings attached."
Her words that first night echoed in his mind. From everything that he could tell, Sophie's sentiment hadn't changed. And he'd be damned if he were the one to fuck everything up by changing the rules now. They should stop. They needed to stop. They had to stop. But he couldn't help himself. He didn't want to. He wanted her and he couldn't bring himself to stay away. But this suddenly constant feeling of being taut as a bowstring was getting unbearable. He had to find himself a better reason to put an end to it because clearly their hiatus and separation wasn't the reset that he thought it would be. He was on a raft drifting swiftly out to sea and if he didn't do something quickly, he knew he'd be done for. Bucky's eyes squeezed shut, his mind buzzing as something uncomfortable wound its way under his skin.
Who am I fucking kidding? I'm already so far gone, there's no land in sight.
…
Sophie's lungs were burning as she pushed herself to the max. Her feet pounded against the pavement in Central Park and sweat trickled down her back. She'd been trying to distract herself for days now. Trying not to let her mind go where it seemed to constantly wander. She finally couldn't take it and began to slow her pace until she was simply walking.
Maybe I need to go get a new book at the library? I need something that I can just throw myself into and forget about the real world.
But just as the thought left her, another one emerged. It caressed her mind, filling her senses, squeezing her heart.
Bucky.
She let out an aggravated breath and plopped down on a bench, staring at the ducks swimming by.
What the fuck was that the other night?!
At first, she'd been afraid that she had crossed some unknown line the night she found out about Jeremy. The sex between them then had been…something else. But afterwards, it felt like an unspoken agreement to stop had been reached. They hadn't slept together in two months and things seemed to be comfortably settling back in the way they used to be between them. She fully expected it to pick up just like that when he got back from his long mission.
But when she turned around and found him finally standing in front of her after a month of no contact, something different had happened. Emotions she hadn't expected coursed through her. A longing to touch him and hold him, a desire to be wrapped up in his arms clothed or not, a desperation to feel his heart beating against hers. She had missed him. Like never before, Sophie had missed Bucky. And she didn't even realize the extent of it until he was back. The feeling was so intense it nearly brought her to tears.
So she did the only thing she could think of to hide the intense reaction she was having to his sudden presence. She covered it under a tentative advance. Testing the waters, she tugged him closer as she suggested a shower. Bucky seemed all too happy to accept the invitation. But the moment his lips touched hers, it was as if a primal need had taken over them both. They couldn't seem to get enough of one another. All thoughts and reason left her as he proceeded to bring her to climax twice in a row. Her insides still clenched deliciously when she thought about it.
Sophie had wanted to return the favor when she'd sunk down to her knees, but something seemed to shift in him. What happened between them after that was so wildly different from what had come before. It was too similar to the night two months prior. It left her feeling vulnerable. A deep longing had settled in her chest afterward and she had yet to shake it. She wasn't sure what exactly had been going on with him as he came down from his high, but whatever it was, she knew he needed her in that moment.
Maybe something happened during the mission?
Sighing, her eyes tracking an older couple as they slowly rowed past her. The truth was, she didn't really care if Bucky never told her what had made him so upset in that moment. He had sought her out for solace, and that was enough. For now.
…
Bucky tried to remind himself repeatedly that it was just sex and he could separate his feelings of friendship for Sophie from their physical acts. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands. Taking a few deep breaths, he rubbed his palms over his face several times, making a split second decision. He sat back and stared unseeing at the sidewalk.
"Sam."
His voice rang out, despite Bucky keeping it low. His friend stopped mid sentence and both heads across from him turned simultaneously in his direction. Still not tearing his eyes away from whatever he was looking at, he addressed the Falcon.
"That girl that you told me about at Stark's party…is she still available?"
He didn't miss the look that Sam and Steve quickly threw one another before their gazes returned to the super soldier in front of them.
"Yeah…I think so."
"Set it up."
They looked at one another again.
"Buck, you sure about that?" Steve asked.
His eyes snapped into focus and he turned his head to his childhood friend.
"Of course," he said flatly. "Why wouldn't I be?"
Steve's eyebrows shot up and he dropped his gaze to the table in front of them, idly playing with a straw wrapper.
"Well…what about…Sophie?"
"Sophie? What about her?"
The words came out clipped and aggravated.
"You two just seem to have become closer than ever lately. I just thought that…maybe…I don't know. Maybe something was finally happening between you two."
Bucky's brows creased in agitation.
"We're just friends Steve. It was never meant to be anything more."
Sam and Steve looked at one another once more.
"What?" He ground out.
"Are you sure she won't be upset?"
"Trust me. She won't care."
His eyes flew over to Sam.
"Set it up."
Sam sucked in a breath through his nose, letting it out slowly as he considered the request.
"Yeah, ok."
…
The weekend came and went and Monday found Sophie working out a few strategic scenarios with Michael and the other Eyes. The mission that Bucky and Nat had been on had proved to be successful in gathering important intelligence on Moretti. They had managed to obtain a list of previous aliases that the analyst team was looking into. Despite the great news, Sophie was finding it hard to focus. For whatever reason, her mood was dark and she just didn't want to be there today. She needed…something. She wasn't sure what, but whatever it was, it wasn't there. When they broke for lunch at last, she beelined for the door, but Michael intercepted.
"Hey, Sophie," he called out softly as he gently grabbed her elbow.
She turned around to face him, eyes wide in surprise.
"Yeah? What's up?"
"Come here. Let's talk for a minute."
The room was quickly clearing out so they moved to a free desk and sat down.
"What's going on with you today?"
"What do you mean?"
He gave her a knowing smile.
"You are so out of it. Did you even hear half of what we'd discussed?"
She sighed, looking away in defeat. Michael laughed lightly.
"That's what I thought. Look…there's not really much that we can do right now that's of any use. Not until the analysts get back to us. Why don't you take the afternoon off? I'll fill you in if anything important comes up."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah. You're wound like a top. Go do something to relax and blow off some steam."
She couldn't help the flush that rose to her cheeks as she immediately and reflexively thought of Bucky. Michael gave her a strange look. Sophie hopped up out of her chair before she embarrassed herself any further.
"Thanks Michael. You're the best."
Grabbing her stuff from her station, she walked out of Avenger's tower as quickly as she could. Whipping her phone out, she shot off a text to Bucky before she could talk herself out of it.
A/N: So things have begun to slowly unravel! Where oh where will they go from here?
As always, a huge thank you to the handful of readers who are kind enough to leave a review! Vokunkendov, acquamarina, Alices Rabbit1, and Season Two!
