Greetings SOM friends! I know, it's been a while! I really lost my mojo in the summer (well, I tried to NOT be on the computer in the summer and made the most of the days between rain showers and tinkered on outdoor things) and then school started up again and that always consumes every ounce of my life. This story kind of fell into a rut in the early fall. I would think about it often, but I was quite literally stuck in a quagmire in Innsbruck. During the last 10 days or so, the ideas began to flow again...so here we are almost 4 months later! Good news is Chapter 30 is in decent shape, so I don't expect months between posting. Hope you all are well wherever you're reading from!
ooOoo
"Age does not protect you from love, but love to some extent protects you from age."
-Jeanne Moreau
Maria didn't sleep a whole lot that first night in Innsbruck. She had become accustomed to her bed back in Aigen and the many night noises here were different. There was a floor-to-ceiling grandfather clock at the top of the stairs that announced the arrival of each hour.
Twelve bongs at midnight...
...one bong at 1am...
...two bongs at 2am...
Maria was certain she had not missed any of those hourly announcements!
She tried to be considerate of the clock and its majestic sound, for Brigitta had told her that the clock had an equally glorious history. Built by Benjamin Lewis Vulliamy [2] almost 100 years ago, it was a wedding present that was gifted to the late Baroness Agathe Whitehead's grandmother. When Sir John married Countess Bertie in 1887, it had been passed down to them and was transported from England across the channel, across the plains of France, and then over the mountains to its current home in Innsbruck.
It had bonged out the top of the hour every day and every hour since it arrived.
Although it was a lovely piece of British craftsmanship, Maria had never before - and not even once in the Abbey - been subjected to such a room-rattling count-down each and every hour.
Since she was awake for much of the night, Maria spent a good deal of time thinking about the Captain. She had caught him looking at her several times throughout the day, and yet she wasn't able to identify the emotions on his face. By this point in their "relationship", Maria had a good handle on the Captain: angry, tired, brooding, sad, joyous...but whatever this was, she could not say. She assumed it had something to do with his return to the late Baroness's former home?
It must have been so hard for him to come here today, but other than his initial trepidation when he had turned off the car engine when they arrived in the driveway, he had (seemingly) handled his visit well so far. The children were always underfoot or mere inches away in the Captain's car, so Maria did not have the opportunity to check in on him to see how he really was holding up. She was certain that he had wanted to say something to her at several points in the day, but nothing had ever come to fruition.
Despite the riddle that was the Captain, Maria was very excited for the morning's events: she was going to ride a horse! She had half-hoped that she could have ridden back at the villa on one of the Captain's horses. After all, he had mentioned riding together the day that they delivered Wolfgang. However, the Baroness held the Captain's attention most days since her arrival, and riding never seemed to be on anyone's schedules, particularly the Baroness'. It was clear she did not enjoy horses or anything that might get her a wee bit dirty.
Checking the time on her pocket watch: 6:25, Maria decided to get up and get dressed so she wasn't late for her ride with the Captain and Sir John. She quickly washed her face and gave her hair a brush before slipping into some riding clothes that she had borrowed from Aggie.
As she looked in the floor-length mirror at herself, she could not believe what she saw. Gone was the novice from the Abbey, and before her stood a veritable woman.
Could it be possible that the clothes did indeed make the man...or the woman in this case? The quality of the tailoring and the way the riding clothes fit her made Maria feel like a new person. Besides, Maria rarely wore pants. In fact, she could not remember the last time. Oh, how she wished she owned a camera so that she could remember this day forever!
Giving herself a last once-over in the mirror, she slipped her feet into a pair of borrowed riding boots and then tiptoed down the stairs and out the back terrace door to the stables.
ooOoo
Georg was working with John and the stable-hand to get the horses ready for their ride. He gave the saddle a final shift and a good snug before declaring his mount ready for the morning. Earlier, he and John had worked together to get Maria's mount, Beatrice, ready for her ride before working on their own tack. At the moment, Beatrice was tethered to the stall, chomping at the bit and eager to ride.
The sun was finally fully above the valley floor and there was a crispness to the air that reminded Georg of autumn. Of course, it was a typical early summer morning at this altitude, but the sense of autumn brought a wave of sadness over Georg that summer was speeding along much too fast for his liking.
Georg checked his watch: Maria, if she was on time for a change, should be arriving any moment now. He was secretly pleased that John had invited her riding. He had talked about riding together soon after Wolfgang was born, but it was so hard to arrange with Elsa at the villa. Leaving the woman he was courting on the terrace while he rode horses with the governess would not have gone over well at all.
Georg tidied up his reins and he soon headed towards the barn door. He could see the silhouettes of John and the two horses framed by the stalls on each side and the beams above against the misty sunlight; the hooves of the two steeds clapping noisily on the rocky floor of the barn. Georg soon followed them outdoors, and as he entered the pasture with Prince Arthur, a beautiful, white Lipizzaner, he squinted slightly as his eyes adjusted to the light. His eyes naturally scanned the horizon across the valley where he noted the rolling billows of fog hovering over the river. He always thought the view from the terrace back home was beautiful, but there was something about being back here that was exhilarating. For the first time in over four years, Georg felt a small tug of joy in his heart while taking in the sights of Innsbruck. It truly had been a transformative summer, and it was only mid-July (thankfully, it was only mid-July!).
Taking a deep breath and rolling his shoulders into a stretch, he turned his head and looked towards the house to see if there was any sign of Maria.
Across the pasture, under the dappled light of the tree, he spotted the shadowy silhouette that had haunted his thoughts for several weeks now. She had already arrived, early no less, and was mulling about with John and Benedick, and was getting to know her mount for the morning. It was apparent that she had quickly managed to win over Beatrice's affections.
Could this woman do no wrong? There didn't seem to be anyone or anything that wasn't drawn to her energy and spirit. He recalled that morning back at the villa when Adelaide, the most miserable mare he owned, soon melted in her hands.
Of course, the children who had successfully scared off 11 governesses now wanted to be near her at all times.
Frau Schmidt. Frau Josephine, Fraulein Andrea, Frau Heineman, Bertie: they all had almost instantly fell in love with her.
Franz, not so much. But he did seem to tolerate her, and he rarely tolerated anyone.
Max. Henrik. Guido. Leo. Randall. All putty in her hands.
Even John seemed smitten.
Georg winced as he pinched the bridge of his nose before running his long fingers through his hair. What was this feeling? God forbid that he could be jealous?
Jealous!? What a ridiculous notion! He wasn't jealous, and he most certainly wasn't anything like them. Certainly, he found her attractive, but he wasn't...smitten...
Well, perhaps a little bit...
"Wait, what?" he gasped to himself as his eyes trained in on his target once more.
Georg felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle, and he swallowed hard. He rubbed his eyes, just to make sure he was seeing what he was seeing. He had never seen this Maria before - all dressed to the nines in formal riding gear.
Pants?!
Indeed, Maria was wearing pants.
But, of course she would have to wear pants. This wasn't the Regency Period, and she would most certainly not be riding side-saddle in a beautiful wool riding habit. Not that she could not have done it, but Georg knew Bertie always wore pants and he had noticed Bertie was helping to outfit Maria for riding last night after dinner. Of course, there would be pants!
Why had he not mentally prepared himself for this?
Taking her in, Georg leaned his body weight back into Arthur, who side-stepped in exasperation. Maria was an absolute vision, and he still could not believe this was the same elf of a woman that had appeared in his ballroom so many weeks ago. Her lines were sleek and strong, and he felt his mouth go dry at the sight of her.
She wore a pair of dark khaki riding pants with knee-high black riding boots, a button-up muslin shirt with a collar, the top couple of buttons were undone, and a tweed riding jacket [1].
Although Georg had a decent view of her legs the morning that Wolfgang was born, never, ever had he seen her wear pants. How incredible it was that a simple wardrobe change would completely transform her into a new woman. And that is exactly what she was: a woman.
Not a girl, but a woman.
She oozed class in ways he could never have imagined. Had Elsa also been dressed in riding gear alongside her, he was certain that no one would be able to discern which of the two women was the novice from the Abbey and which was the wealthy widow. Thoughts of their trip to the Opera next week were soon top of mind. Imagine Maria in a proper dress...?
Elsa! Georg sighed exasperatedly as he looked to the Heavens. He realized at that moment he had not thought about her since yesterday...
ooOoo
Meanwhile, Maria was petting down the long neck of her mount, Beatrice, when she could feel someone's eyes burning into her. The Captain, no doubt - she always knew when he was nearby. She lifted her eyes towards the stables, and noted that he was standing as still as a statue, his stare so intense it practically wounded her.
Was he unimpressed with her again?
~~ She knew this was going to be a bad idea! ~~
~~ Wait! Of course it wasn't a bad idea! ~~
Sir John had invited her, and she had just as much right to ride this morning as the Captain did, she thought to herself with an indignant huff.
Not to be intimated by his moods - for she knew them well - Maria stood tall and refused to back down. Drumming up confidence that she didn't quite know she had, she tilted her head and pointed her chin in the Captain's direction, making it quite obvious that she had noticed him.
Despite her piercing gaze, Georg continued to appraise her, apparently not realizing he was under such scrutiny.
John quickly realized that Maria had paused their conversation and gone silent; he surveyed the scene before him, soon realizing what was going on. He chuckled to himself before calling out Georg's name, catapulting everyone back to the present. Georg felt a blush rise from his chest when he realized he had been caught staring by both John and Maria. Ever the Captain and in control of emotions, however, he recovered quickly and winked at Maria and nodded his head, silently telling her he was very, very much impressed.
Maria felt her cheeks redden at this silent acknowledgement, which only served to grow hotter the closer he came to her. John surveyed the two as if he was watching a tightly contested tennis match with a huge grin on his face.
"Georg! You're daydreaming again!" John called out as Georg made his way towards the pair.
"Good morning, Fraulein," the Captain said with a nod. "You're on time for a change, and you appear to be all dressed for riding!"
Georg cleared his throat awkwardly, and quickly blurted out the first thing that came into his head that was not related to what she was wearing.
"I see you've met Beatrice!" Georg continued. "John tells me she has the gentle spirit of Aurelie with the spunk of Adelaide!"
"Well, then Captain, I suspect that we shall get along famously". Maria replied more confidently than she felt.
Georg did his damnedest to hold her eyes, not allowing himself another view of her long legs. He could not let her perceive his current state of weakness.
John was never one to be a matchmaker, that was definitely more Bertie's thing, but he certainly caught a whiff of the appraising look Georg was giving Maria. She did look a vision - any outsider would have pegged her as an English equestrian, hardly a mere governess. Perhaps there was more to this duo than met the eye, despite the fact that they came from opposite ends of Austrian society. He could not help but wonder how Elsa Schraeder could stand having this dynamic, young woman in Georg's company. He was going to have to talk about this with Bertie after they all returned to Salzburg.
Maria felt herself blushing once more, so she took a sudden interest in the toes of her boots as they were glazed by the dew in the grass.
After an awkward moment or two, John decided to finally break the tension by suggesting that they all head out on their ride. He held out his hand to support Maria as she put her foot on the stirrup and tossed her right leg over Beatrice. Maria adjusted herself in the saddle, and smoothed out her riding jacket, smiling down at John who winked back at her.
Georg caught the wink that John had given to his governess before he turned to mount his own horse. He rolled his eyes and gathered Arthur's reins, before hopping up on his horse. John and Maria had already begun to saunter away into the sunshine, and he watched the back of Maria get progressively smaller as she and John trotted away.
Georg still wasn't quite sure what to think of this new Maria. She always seemed to be throwing grenades at him, and he was not sure if he should kick them aside, or simply pick them up and wait for the pending explosion.
More and more recently, it seemed to be the latter...
Georg had continued to watch John and Maria from behind, just trailing a few lengths behind them. He appreciated taking this moment of solitude so that he could compose himself. He watched them mosey along the fence line and soon they had reached open pasture; he was still transfixed by the vision he saw before him. Certainly, Maria continued to confuse him, causing feelings to bubble up in him the likes of which he had not known for so long. However, there was also a sense of peace and calm that settled over him as he watched the two of them riding.
If he threw all common sense to the wind, Georg could almost swear it was Agathe riding along with her father. Before his life had been turned upside down four years ago, the three of them would often get up early on mornings like this and he would trail behind them on purpose. He loved to watch her at a distance, the sun playing on her hair as the stray strands from her braid blew about her face. He could hear her laugh even today, calling over her shoulder to him, daring him to race her. Her father, ever the scamp, would be chastising him and mocking his riding skills in those early days of her courtship; always teasing and laughing. The two men eventually became good friends, and of course, Georg had proven himself to be a worthy son-in-law.
After Agathe had passed, memories like this were just too much for Georg. He could ride alone back at the villa, because he had often ridden alone when they were married, especially once the children began to arrive. Agathe always chose to throw herself into every moment of the children's lives instead of other outdoor activities like riding, even though he had hired staff to assist her. After returning from sea, the first thing he ran into were the arms of his beautiful wife, but the next thing was always the horses. They helped ground him after months bobbing on the salty sea.,
Thoughts about this place: Innsbruck, the open pasture, beautiful Lippizaners, riding the cable car to the top of the Nordkette, young love, a committed marriage, months apart while he was at sea, and the eventual joyous reunions...all those lovely memories of times with Agathe had been banished from his mind, tucked away so that they would not slice and hack at his heart. Of course, even the children reminded him of her. It all seemed so terribly unfair. Georg wavered between being despondent and intensely angry for so long. They always said things are lost in sets of three: Georg had lost a war, lost a navy...damnit to Hell that the third had been his beloved wife.
But here he was today. The sun was higher in the sky now, and Georg's heart was just as bright. He could imagine Agathe here without the pain. Those lovely memories now, finally, made him feel warm inside. What a change! He could interact with the children at his in-law's dinner table. He could listen to the grandfather's clock in the hallway as it announced the hours without the crushing pain in his soul.
It was all thanks to her: the young woman in the khaki pants. This morning she was as elegant as Princess Stephanie and as splendid as the glorious Alma Mahler, but on a life's path to be wedded to God. She had so far been a gift from God, one who had helped him to begin to repair his relationship with the children, to have a second chance with them all.
But Georg had to wonder why God had decided to torment him yet again. What was this test all about? Was it designed to steer him towards happiness...finally? To make sure he would re-marry the right one, and not just someone? Not a day had passed since he had returned from Vienna that he had not contemplated Elsa, the next step, and if she was the right one.
Alas, here he sat on the back of John's most handsome horse, watching his governess trot along the fence line with his father-in-law while Elsa hid herself far away in Vienna. If she were to see Maria now, things most certainly would be going sideways.
Georg had always thought that Maria was attractive - even from that very first day in the ugly sack of a dress she was wearing and that first night where she haunted his dreams. But today it was different somehow. She drew him in without saying a word. The long-lined and dignified Fraulein who this morning carried herself with an air of a silent picture star. A charming and dynamic personality. Eyes as blue as the Mediterranean.
...and it was all destined for a cloister. It was such a terrible waste! If Elsa could trade half her wealth to capture a quarter of the charm of Maria, boy, he'd have a catch!
Yet, the last few days, Georg had found himself feeling somewhat unhinged when it came to Maria. She was a most wonderful human, and dare he say they had long passed the boundary of employee/employer to become good friends. It had come on so gradually he hardly knew it had happened nor when it began. He had somehow become a sentimental fool when it came to her. He'd never eat another sachertorte without recalling the day the two of them had sat by the fountain.
A close friendship was not a bad thing. From the beginning he had been attracted to her, but he knew he could and had to regulate himself. The problem was that lately "things" with Maria seemed to be tougher on him. It was hard to describe, but it seemed the emotional hit of the whirlwind that was the little Fraulein was stronger somehow. Just the other day, for instance, each time Guido reached out to direct her arm while they were working on his car, he would wince, crinkle his nose, and sigh. Why did Guido find it necessary to touch her?
Seven times.
Not that he was counting.
More and more lately, Georg would catch himself whistling one of the many songs Maria was always singing at the top of her lungs; he would regularly stop his work in this study to look out the window and watch her with the children; and most evenings in the safety of his bed, he was ravenous with desire.
For her. And everything she represented.
His fingers burned to touch her, and yet it was all so impossible. He was a noble, she a commoner; he was old, she was young. What was worse, she was a postulant. However, today she carried herself as a noble: a mature, beautiful human that he could not have imagined in his life in any capacity mere weeks ago. In some ways, September could not come soon enough so that this temptation could be removed from under his nose, but at the same time, he could not bear to think of life at the villa without her.
"Ah, Fraulein..." he sighed to himself.
"My goodness, Georg!" John called over his shoulder, breaking Georg from his musings.
"You didn't tell me that your governesses could deliver breech foals, as well!" John exclaimed. "Fraulein Maria was just telling me about your special delivery from a week and a bit ago."
Georg dug his heels into the sides of Arthur and leaned into a trot, soon catching up with John and Maria.
"Indeed, it was something, John!" Georg boasted.
"By the time the boys had brought me to the barn, Maria had everything under control. I was there to add a little muscle to the final pull before Wolfgang entered the world. He's going to be a beautiful horse, and he's growing like a weed and doing so well. Had Fraulein Maria not been there, who knows what would have happened." Georg replied.
Georg took the opportunity to play up Maria's talents to his father-in-law, and he could tell John was impressed. However, Georg's intentions were slightly derailed, and he found that John continued to talk to Maria about Wolfgang's delivery, about life in the convent, about what she hoped to do in her remaining weeks in the outside world.
It was almost as though Max was here.
Georg really wanted to have an opportunity to just be with her. He grumbled to himself for a while, wincing, crinkling his nose and sighing before he finally came up with a plan. The best way to lose John for a while would be to challenge her to a race.
Of course, Maria politely declined, but Georg's light-hearted teasing with some polite prompting by John eventually wore her down and she acquiesced. Georg had made some cheeky comment about nuns delivering horses but not being able to ride them, before pulling up on his reins and throwing his horse into a gallop across the field.
Georg relished the rush of a fast-moving steed. He took off with a grin on his face, the wind pulling his hair back as his horse launched into a hard gallop.
Georg had launched with a decent head start before Maria nodded her head at John who smiled his support before kicking Beatrice into gear. It had been years since Maria rode a horse this hard and this fast. As she squinted through the dust that the Captain's horse was kicking up, she could not help but laugh and holler, the wind whistling in her ears as they moved faster and faster. She was gaining on them! Beatrice seemed to feed on Maria's enthusiasm, and her intense focus on catching Sir Arthur spurred her on. Maria edged Beatrice over to the outside of the Captain's target line, and soon she had gained all the distance she initially lost and soared past him, laughing heartily.
Georg could sense Maria was gaining on him, and soon, he could hear the tell-tale snort of Lady Beatrice. He looked over his left shoulder and saw no one: no horse, no Maria; in a flash, however, Maria rode up on his right side and left him quite literally in the dust! Not to be outdone, however, Georg dug his heels in to Arthur and amped up their cadence, just managing to catch them just before the fence.
By this point Maria had stopped her horse and was leaned over in exhaustion. Georg smiled over to Maria who was panting as much as her horse, a sheen of perspiration on her brow. Honestly, was there anything this woman could not do?
"Fraulein, now that was impressive. I take back everything I said about nuns on horses," Georg called out with a hearty laugh and a wink.
"I dare say that we do need to continue this when we return to Salzburg," Georg continued. "I think it would be a good idea if you helped me to teach some of that to the older children."
Maria laughed out loud and had turned her horse along the fence so that she was facing the breeze; closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and savoured the morning air and the rush of the ride. She pushed her hair back and wiped the sweat off her face. Maria turned her head and then opened her eyes to see the Captain studying her intently, his trademark grin gracing his features. Oh, how Maria loved to see this side of him. It was so hard to believe that this was the same man that tried to intimidate her on her first day.
She and the Captain awkwardly averted their gazes and looked across the field to where John was standing. They both waved to his as he made a gesture that suggested he was going to head back to the barn.
"Fraulein. After a ride like that you must be famished" Georg called out.
"Oh, Captain! I'm much too excited to be hungry! Mind you, it's certainly a change of routine for me, Sir. I'll will cherish this morning forever!"
"Won't you miss this Fraulein? I mean, I realize you don't ride often, but surely, you'll miss this?" he said as he gestured around them. The trees, rocks, pastures, mountains, roofs nestled into the slopes.
Maria smiled wistfully. "Of course, Captain, but God's will is stronger than my own. I believe that whatever his wish for my future is, I will embrace it wholeheartedly!"
"...but what if the Abbey isn't really what He wishes? What if you got the signals wrong?" he said with a laugh.
"Perhaps, but I doubt it. It's been something I've been praying to succeed at for a while now. Eventually the Reverend Mother will see it's the right time. Until then I shall enjoy and cherish every moment with you all. Your children, sir, they bring such joy and happiness to me every day."
"Only the children?" Georg laughed out loud.
Although he was laughing on the outside, Georg could not help but feel a little sad, but he had noticed she had hedged her words somewhat. She also had not mentioned him, but why should she?
But still, there was that one word that gave him hope for reasons he could not understand: "Perhaps..."
"Well, if you're certain, Fraulein, then I must commend you for your focus and perseverance. We will make sure that we make the most of your time with us and get you out doing things you enjoy with the children. I think teaching them to ride is a great excuse to be out on the horses once we return home to the villa."
Maria nodded enthusiastically. This would be one way she and the Captain could ride again together at the villa and not raise the ire of Baroness Schraeder - how could she argue with the Captain doing something for and with his children?
"In keeping with this 'party while you still can' mode, as a token of my appreciation, I am going to personally ensure that you make the most of these last weeks of freedom. Just so, Max and I have arranged a great surprise for you and Liesl when we get back to Salzburg!"
"Is it a secret, Captain? What kind of surprise?" Maria asked excitedly.
"If I told you, Fraulein, then it would not be a surprise," the Captain replied with a wink, "but don't you worry. I promise to let you and Liesl know before we head for home! It will be your job to try to distract the other children from their grumpiness since they will not have the opportunity to participate!"
The Captain gave the reins on Arthur a little tug and turned him in the direction of the villa, a huge smile on his face.
"But Captain," Maria called. "Don't you realize how entirely unfair it is to say such a thing - to mention a surprise - and then stop at that? Surely you appreciate my curious nature won't stand for this?"
"You mean you're nosey, Fraulein?" Georg said with a laugh.
Maria rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated huff.
"Captain, about this secret?" Maria inquired.
"Well Fraulein, I think it's time we get these horses back for their breakfast so we can have ours. I'm quite sure the children will be up and around by now! Besides, I'm absolutely starving!"
"You're changing the subject, Captain" Maria stated impatiently, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Perhaps..." the Captain chirped. "I'll make a deal with you. I'll tell you what it is..." he exclaimed as he kicked Sir Arthur into gear, and he yelled over his shoulder, still with a huge grin on his face: "...if you can catch me this time!"
Maria watched the Captain and his stallion charge across the pasture, dust and dried grass trailing in their wake. There was no way she'd catch him, she had dropped the reins when she huffed at him, and she wasn't even facing the right way. Despite feeling annoyed with the Captain for his teasing, she could not help but smile.
Maria was about to turn Beatrice around in the direction of the stables to follow the Captain, but she paused for a moment to gaze across the valley at the Patscherkofel. She narrowed her eyes to a tiny patch of green nestled between some rocky outcrops and the tree line. The outline of a well-trod gravel road evident even from this distance.
Home.
Maria had always thought of that very spot as home. Not the Abbey, although she loved the sisters dearly. This place had always been home.
And yet, the past two weeks had changed that for her. Images of home were now dominated by seven children, Frau Schmidt, Herr Dettweiler, and the Captain.
More and more it was the Captain, and it seemed dangerous somehow. He had changed so much about the way she saw the world and thought about her place in it. So many new feelings... Attraction. Friendship. Comfort. Belonging. At the Abbey she had tried so hard to belong, but they'd accept her only if she changed her ways. Here with this family, they had accepted her nature and thought nothing of it. Even if the Captain teased her mercilessly about her tardiness or how nosey she was, leaving at the end of the summer was going to be so hard. It didn't help that the Captain was questioning her vocation more and more lately.
Would she miss "this", he had asked? Absolutely. Home. Horses. Camaraderie. Someone who needed her. Some place where she made a difference. Perhaps it was God's will that she come here to see for herself what God wished for her to do. A month ago, a day on a mountain side like this would have cemented her resolve to be a nun. She was closer to God on these slopes than she was anywhere else. And yet, today she was less certain than ever what God's will was.
Georg had reached the fence and was surprised to not hear Maria's horse breathing down his neck. He pulled up on Arthur, a hearty "Wooooaaah" as he turned his steed slightly. Maria was still standing in the place he had left her when issued his challenge. It was most certainly not like her to back down from a challenge like that. It seemed as though she had withdrawn into herself again. Pensive as she had been yesterday on the drive down.
He watched her profile and read the tension in her shoulders. The wind ruffled her hair and the morning sun played on her features. She was not thinking about the surprise he had just spoken about - that much was obvious. She was present, but she was so far away.
"You're far away...where are you?" he breathed.
All thoughts of Agathe had vanished from his mind and all he saw was her. He ached to reach out and to comfort her - she had been strong for him so many times, but she rarely let down her guard to let anyone know her true feelings. Until yesterday, he had thought that Maria was entirely transparent: her emotions so obvious a blind man could see them. Her formidable anger. Her contagious laughter. He knew these moods well.
However, moments when she would withdraw and become silent had only started when he first brought up the idea of traveling to Innsbruck.
Georg would much rather face an angry Maria than this Maria. What was she holding inside?
At that moment Maria looked up and locked eyes with him. She gave a little wave and appeared to take a deep breath. She kicked her stirrups into the side of Beatrice and they both spread across the pasture towards him like the raging edge of a grass fire. Whatever angst Maria had been harboring just now had combusted and was propelling the two of them forward like a torpedo.
She soon came up alongside and muttered some sort of apology for making him wait. Georg wasn't really listening in that moment, his thoughts still focused on what could possibly be making her sad. He wondered if she even realized how much she was revealing. They turned together and made their ways in companionable silence along the fence line back towards the villa.
ooOoo
When they returned to the barn, Maria would not take up the men's offer to look after her horse. She remembered exactly what had to be done, and carried it off like a champ. John had made a quip to Georg that perhaps once Maria's time as governess was up, she could come back to Innsbruck and help run his stables since she had more sense than most of the men he employed. Georg was visibly annoyed, mostly because he didn't like to think of Maria returning to the Abbey, and what's more, if she didn't return to the Abbey, looking after John's horses was the last place she should share her efforts. She should stay and be with the children.
Maria wandered back to the villa with John, both sharing stories of life in the mountains while Georg stood in the tack room grumbling about John. Apart from their race and ride back along the field, John had monopolized her time this morning. Georg was also feeling generally agitated - perhaps his worry about Maria's emotions was affecting him? He was worried about how her state of mind would impact the children, nothing more, of course.
Normally riding invigorated him, and for the most part it had, but there was something else that Georg could not identify that had left him feeling frustrated.
What Georg needed was a shower! The luxury of a shower had always helped to turn his moods around. How many times had he emerged from a smelly submarine after weeks in the open ocean to find himself renewed under a fresh stream of clean water?
He made sure all the horses were content with their feed buckets and then slid the bar into the latch of the lower door of Arthur's stall, leaving him to enjoy his breakfast. Georg picked up the wash bucket and a towel from the tack room and headed for the shower that was around the back of the barn. It was probably best if he got his emotions under control out here instead of walking into a houseful of excited children.
It was funny how a simple shower could send Georg catapulting back to happier times with Agathe. It was summer of 1921. Agathe was pregnant with Liesl, and it had been a terribly hot summer. The happily married couple had travelled to Innsbruck to help John to repair an old clunker of a steam tractor that he used on the farm. No one in Innsbruck could get it going, but John decided that between the two of them, he and Georg and their marine engineering brains could get it going again. After a few days of tinkering, John's farm hands were back out with the tractor on the pasture again, bringing in the hay for the horses. Agathe sat on the porch with Bertie sipping tea while knitting a layette for the baby.
As the two men stood in the field and admired their clean and demure ladies on the porch, they argued about who should get to have a bath first. Any challenge issued between the two men normally ended up in something much bigger than initially anticipated, and that day was no exception. In that moment, practically the result of a mutual dare, they decided to build an outdoor shower with the leftover supplies so they wouldn't have to keep traipsing into the villa a filthy mess and raising the ire of Bertie.
That very afternoon, they built a 4'x4' foot fence along the back corner of the barn that they wedged between the foundation and the earthen ramp into the barn. They had modified a galvanized water trough for the horses and attached it to the side of the barn on the west-facing side at the top of the ramp. Water from the well was pumped up to the trough that they covered in covered in dark lumber to catch the sun and warm up the water. The trough, in turn, was hooked up with a few feet of pipe to a shower head that John had designed initially as a submarine pressure release valve, and then the natural pressure of the height of the trough forced the water down. It was ingenious, really, and not only that, but it was also a lovely experience just to be able to wash off all the grime outside rather than sitting in a bath full of your own dirt. The shower was never hot - just warm enough to feel fresh, and it had always been an exclusive haunt for the men on the farm.
It had been years since Georg had used it, mostly because it had been years since he had been to Innsbruck. With a head full of lovely memories, Georg slipped behind the fence, dropped his clothes over the rail, and slipped under the shower head.
He immediately felt his mood change.
ooOoo
Meanwhile, Maria and John had parted ways in the great foyer of the villa to get changed for breakfast. Maria had almost made it back to her room when she realized she had left Bertie's lovely riding jacket behind in the barn. On her way back down the stairs, she came across Louisa and Brigitta who commented on how lovely she looked on her riding gear. She chatted with the children briefly about her ride and they asked after their father, wondering if he had also enjoyed his morning. She promised to return right away and get cleaned up for breakfast, and she slipped out the door and headed back out to the barn to fetch the missing jacket.
The stable hand had already closed and secured the main door closest to the villa so Maria was forced to go around the back and up the earthen ramp to the drive shed and hay mow. Rather than walking the length of the ramp, she scampered up the rock wall and reached the top.
She still had it!
Entering the barn door, she found her way through the hay mow as her eyes adjusted to the small beams of light that seeped through the knots and spaces of the barn board. She climbed down the ladder from the mow and retrieved her jacket, took a moment to pet down Beatrice and thank her for the ride. Maria skedaddled back up the ladder and was headed back out the door onto the ramp when she heard water running. She stepped around a large lilac bush at the top of the ramp and followed the sound, her eyes narrowing in on the target.
There, in the gleaming sunshine was the Captain. Up until this moment, she would proudly admit to anyone that she knew almost anything of importance about the Captain: that he was a martinet, terribly orderly, sometimes brooding, punctual, a big softie with his children, had a smile that would melt your heart, and those eyes...all those things were the Captain.
No longer. From her vantage point, she now realized how terribly wrong she was.
This Captain was without a doubt the most magnificent of all God's creations. She could only see him from the waist up - which was a blessing and a curse - shirtless and covered in soap bubbles.
His eyes closed, he was kneading his fingers into his scalp...
His hair slicked back as the water poured down over him...
She knew she should walk away; it was hardly appropriate for a anyone to be here - let alone a postulant. But why then could she not look away? If Sister Berthe was here right now, she would most definitely be kissing the floor and praying for salvation on her rosary for the rest of her life!
Maria watched the long line of his arms as they worked, the muscles in his shoulders flexing as he washed himself. Those same arms that she awoke in the other evening on the sofa. Those same arms that had wrapped around her in the barn as they worked together to deliver Wolfgang. Those same arms that guided her along the streets of Salzburg.
Her mouth was dry, and she could not move. A warm feeling washed over her body, flooding her lower half with sensations she had never known before. Maria had always thought that the Captain was handsome, but this was a whole new level of handsome.
In fact, she had never seen anything so beautiful in all of her life.
Her uncle had often paraded around shirtless, but he was rather roly-poly and looked nothing like what she now beheld. Blinking hard, Maria hoped that she could clear the vision from her view and find that it was all in her imagination. When she closed her eyes, his image was burned into her brain. When she reopened her eyes, he remained, his unclothed and wet body glistening in the mid-morning sun.
How long Maria hid from her vantage point, she could not say. She lost all track of time, so wrapped up she was in this experience - so profoundly spiritual in a secular sort of way.
The Captain had begun to whistle a little tune - could it be My Favourite Things?, she thought with a smile. Turning his torso in the direction of the valve, most likely to turn off the water, Maria regained her composure and seized the opportunity to escape down the same rock wall she had scaled up, and headed - somewhat shaken - back to the villa before he could notice her.
ooOoo
Everyone was gathered around the breakfast table when the Captain entered the dining room. Maria didn't dare make eye contact with him, lest he read the muddled thoughts clouding her mind. However, she did notice out of her peripheral vision that the remaining evidence of his washing up was evident in the way that his hair glistened in the light, the dampness sending his hair into silken waves. He had dried himself off and had put on clean clothes, including a fresh shirt and jacket. He looked like the Captain she had met that very first day, but no longer did she - nor could she - see him just that way.
There it was again. That pleasant aching feeling in her lower belly whenever she recalled what she had just witnessed outside of the barn. She mentally crossed herself and said silent extra prayer of forgiveness while John said grace. She opened up her eyes and raised her head and locked eyes with the Captain. Everything paused in that moment and everyone else disappeared. All she saw was him. He smiled a smile that made her insides melt and she felt her face aflame. Thankfully the moment was broken when Gretl tugged on her arm wishing for help with her sausages.
Later that evening in the comfort of her bed, Maria heard the clock strike eleven. The children had enjoyed a great day playing with their grandparents and the whole family had taken a cable car ride up the mountain. Their excitement was palatable, but Maria was distracted all day. The vision of a soaped-up Captain burned into her brain. Maria had watched him all day, trying desperately to remember only the Captain of yesterday or even two weeks ago. She'd gladly take the vision of the miserable sot of a man who chastised her on her first day.
But it was futile!
Things got easier as the day went on as she watched him interact with the children with such grace. The man - the father - began to re-emerge in her mental image of him, slowly replacing... well, whatever that was!
The Captain began to show his comfort with his surroundings as they milled about as a family. He even had fielded questions about his late wife from Brigitta and Marta, going so far as to tell them stories about times he had shared with their mother on this very mountain. John and Aggie joined in with so many lovely stories about the late Baroness - no doubt one of the first times they felt comfortable enough to talk about her with the Captain present.
The mountain.
If she managed to forget the vision of the Captain that now haunted her, the mountain was the other thing that held her attention all day. The Von Trapps and their grandparents had frolicked on the very mountain that Maria used to look upon from her place across the valley. She loved that the Captain could share things about his wife with the children, but deep inside she felt a little bit jealous. Her own memories of her parents were so fuzzy, she sometimes wondered if they had really happened. And no matter how hard she tried, she was never going to be part of this family - and being here with them all, she realized that it was belonging to a family that she craved most of all.
Sitting on the edge of her bed, Maria realized this trip presented her with an opportunity to shore up her memories before she became a Novice; she would need to refresh her memories of her little family for the future when she would no longer be able to travel here. She knew in that moment that she just had to get to the cemetery to see her parents one last time before they headed for home, but she also realized that she must not tell anyone where she was going. She didn't want to have to tell her story, she didn't want their sympathy, and she didn't want them to know why she had really joined Nonnberg - a reason that had really only become clear to her in that moment.
Maria was overcome with a wave of grief. She now realized that the Captain's grief was her own. She had tucked her own pain away in the Abbey, praying and praying some more. Once she arrived at the villa, she tucked it away to be a support to him so that he could reconnect with the children and they with him. In some strange way, Maria came to understand the Captain's behaviour - before she met this little family that she had come to love more than anything. She realized why he had acted the way he had for so long - pushing them all away - and for the first time, she felt a twinge of guilt at the way she had dressed him down that afternoon on the landing.
By being so far away from her parents in Salzburg and later Vienna, they were out of Maria's sight, and somewhat out of mind. She realized that it was infinitely easier being away than being here, where they used to be. Where they still were.
But at the same time, she was glad she had been presented with the opportunity to return one last time.
Despite the pang of guilt that rattled her now that she understood how the Captain must have felt, she knew it was God's will that she come here. To the villa first, and to Innsbruck second. She knew it was God's will that she reunite this family and help prepare the children for a new mother. Maria could never have a new mother, but she could do something about the Von Trapps. Being in Innsbruck brought her an opportunity to close the loop on her own childhood. God did work in mysterious ways!
Maria had been orphaned, but never should the Von Trapp children be like her, not when they still had a parent. It had been Maria's job to bring their father back, and she had done that! The children didn't know how lucky they were! The Captain was once again their father in the truest sense of the world, and he loved his children desperately despite everything he had been through. All of this sacrifice would be worth it knowing she had spoken for the children and brought their Papa back to them. Maria didn't have anyone who really loved her after her parents died, and she would have given her left leg to have a loving family again. In a way, the Von Trapps had been a gift from God to Maria, and no doubt, she to them.
Pulling back the covers and turning out the light before slipping into bed, Maria knelt down beside her bed and said her prayers, thanking the Lord for all His great work, taking solace in the fact that she had done this work on His behalf. Crossing herself, she stood and moved towards the window where she looked out over the front lawn. She could see the faint lights of the mountain houses across the valley, and a giant ache formed in her chest. Tomorrow she would go there and not just look at it from this side. How she would manage it without letting anyone know what she was up to, was another problem for another day. Surely the Lord would work his magic once more and she would find a way.
[1] There is a picture of Katharine Hepburn from the movie the Philadelphia story (1940) where she is on a white horse. Her riding outfit in this shot is the inspo for Maria's outfit. Just ask Google to show you "Katharine Hepburn on a white horse" :)
[2] just because I haven't included some random bits of history for a few chapters, here is some now! Benjamin Lewis Vulliamy was the official clockmaker to the British Crown until his death in 1854. He built a series of famous clocks, including those at Buckingham Palace, Hampton court, Windsor Castle, and Oxford University. Rumour has it that Augustus Pugin, who designed the infamous clock in Big Ben, took inspiration from Vuillamy's designs. The clock in this story no doubt has a long lineage in classic time keeping and very loud bells :)
