Raven slept on her bedroom floor that night. She didn't drag the pillows or blankets off her bed, just opened a chest and pulled out a threadbare quilt.
When the sun rose the next morning, the second day of what Raven had begun to think of as "after", she knew what she had to do. Raven couldn't afford another scene like last night. Her unbridled emotions could have killed Robin. She made her own skin crawl.
More than ever, Raven had to keep her emotions under control. No rage, no tears, none of this stupid mesh of images and feelings. Nothing.
She wasn't going to play her father's game. She was absolutely not going to hurt her friends.
Raven came to breakfast that morning. She had to workout first, to tire her physical body out enough to make her psyche stop rattling, but she came to breakfast.
Raven's stomach sank when she saw her friends already at the table. They were quiet, which wasn't too unusual so early. The Titans weren't exactly morning people. The air around them felt still though, heavy as a wet blanket. Raven felt like her feet had been glued to the floor. She couldn't do this.
Raven almost turned around, but unfortunately she was spotted by an asteroid in cat pajamas. Starfire launched herself out of her seat and bounded over to Raven.
"Raven, my dear friend! You have returned to joining us at the breakfast table!" Starfire all but bellowed. Raven wheezed in the hug that was more of a hydraulic press. Goddamn Tameranian strength.
"Starfire, I can't breathe." Raven managed to squeak.
"Oh!" Starfire released her hostage. "Apologies! I sometimes forget that the people of this planet are so fragile and easily snapped. On Tameran, that would be considered quite gentle."
Raven didn't mention that she wasn't really from this planet either.
"Are you feeling better after your trying ordeal? I know after experiencing great trauma, people are often out of sorts." Starfire said.
All the lightbulbs in the operations room shattered as Raven flinched. The Titans were all staring at her now. They looked concerned. Raven thought they even looked scared. She fought the urge to lurch back when Cyborg stepped toward her.
Keep it together.
"I'm sorry, Raven, I didn't think before-" Starfire started to apologize, but Raven waved her off.
"Don't worry Star. I'm fine. Back to normal."
Even Beast Boy looked like he didn't believe her. This was so not how Raven wanted the morning to go.
Robin stepped beside Starfire, and rested a hand on her shoulder, thank God.
"We believe you, Rae. Sit down, Cyborg made waffles."
Raven sat.
Raven ate, chewing each bite with deliberate slowness so she didn't draw more attention to the fact she'd missed dinner.
The Titans sat.
Unlike Raven, they did not eat. They sat and stared at her while she ate her waffles with the precision of an assassin.
Raven knew they thought something was wrong with her, that they were waiting for a sign she wasn't normal. She wouldn't give it to them. It was for the best to keep them at arm's length. It would keep them safe from Raven's fate. And, some deep, dark part of Raven's subconscious whispered, it would keep them from looking at her like they were right now. Like she was some pathetic, broken doll.
It was Starfire who broke the silence. She glared at the boys. "Do not stare. Eat your food, and let our friend be."
She said it with such a bizarrely maternal finality that Cyborg and Beast Boy obeyed. Raven felt a rush of affection for her best friend. Star could be… a lot sometimes. When they'd first become the Titans, Raven had found herself scoffing at Star's poor grammar, or bad kitchen experiments, and she used to really be frequently annoyed by Starfire's unbridled emotion. It gave her headaches. And maybe, secretly, she had been a little jealous of Starfire's ability to feel so intensely whenever she wanted. Starfire never accidentally destroyed anything with her mind if her day was a little too bad. Somewhere along the line though, Raven's jealousy had turned into admiration. Star was the only best friend she'd ever had, and while Raven didn't have a ton of experience in that department, she could pretty confidently say most other best friends had never thrown themselves in front of a raging ooze monster for each other.
Raven wanted to lay her head on Star's shoulder, but she refrained.
Robin had resumed eating, but he hadn't stopped looking at her. She wondered what he was thinking about. Was it the cryptic warning about her dad? Or maybe the fact she'd almost sent him into another plane of existence last night? Oh, perhaps it was the fact he'd pulled her naked body out of the sky!
No wonder he kept staring at her.
Raven's cheeks burned even as she kept her poker face. She was keeping it together. She was not going to freak out.
"Um, so Rae. How did you, uh, sleep?" Beast Boy said.
The Titans fell silent and the air still again.
Raven wanted to deck the little twerp. Way to call attention to it.
"I slept fine, Beast Boy."
She wouldn't give anyone the chance to think anything affected her.
Beast Boy relaxed a little, and the rest of the team let out an almost audible exhale. Raven couldn't fight the urge to be annoyed.
The rest for the meal continued in the same vein. Silence, broken only by the occasional awkward comment and dry response from Raven. Despite Starfire's earlier admonishment, the boy's eyes had wandered back to Raven. Even Star couldn't help but shoot worried glances her way every time a fork clanged too loudly.
Raven was so on edge that it was almost a relief when Robin abruptly stood from his chair and called for individual training.
The Titans trained twice daily, barring any villains in need of stopping, or cats in trees or whatever. The first was morning individual training, and in the afternoon, team exercises.
Raven always felt a little weird about daily individual training, because it was basically her Robin-mandated alone time. The other Titans didn't really need it, not in the way that she did. They could probably get away with one group workout a day, and Raven knew her teammates probably got annoyed that they had to train twice to accommodate her out of control powers. Usually she felt bad. Today though, Raven was thrilled to have an excuse to escape the Titans.
She set her dish in the sink, then beelined for the door. She just had to make it out of the ops room, then she could retreat to the safety of the roof. She had almost made it when a hand clamped down on her shoulder.
"Hold up a minute Raven." Robin said.
The other Titans filed out of the room, each casting her a hesitant, awkward look. Starfire even stopped for a moment, locking eyes with Raven before padding softly down the hall.
Raven turned slowly, feeling like she was about to face an executioner instead of her friend and teammate.
"We need to talk about last night, about all of it actually." Robin's hand still rested on her shoulder.
Raven couldn't decide how she wanted to play this. If she freaked out, Robin would leave her alone for a couple of days, but the conversation that came later would be so much worse. If she played it cool, Robin would probably let it go, but she would have to talk about the gigantic elephant in the room. There was really no way to win.
"Last night, you kind of… freaked out." Robin continued. "I need to know you're fine to go on missions again. I can't have you losing it like that if we get into trouble."
Oh.
That's what he wanted to talk about. Not what happened on the roof. Not her feelings about the roof. Of course not. Robin was their leader. It was his job to make sure the Titans could stop villains. Raven's chest clenched. She should be thrilled he was giving her what she wanted and leaving her alone. But…
"I'll be fine. Don't worry about it, I won't ever lose control like that again." Raven's gaze dropped to the floor. She couldn't stand here anymore. "Excuse me, I have to go meditate."
"Wait, no, I didn't mean-" Robin called after her, but Raven had already turned on her heel, and raced down the hall
