Author's Note: I was making my neocities site and I lost paragraphs explaining how I got into FFX as my first Final Fantasy game and how nostalgic it is for me... So I decided to write about the Blitzball drama going on in my recent Switch playthrough!
Shaami is great, mmkay?!
Tidus had been taking his role as Yuna's guardian seriously and only dabbled in the underwater sport Blitzball after the first tournament in Luca. However, as soon as Sin decided to sit his fat ass in Bevelle and wait to be killed like a good boy that deserves treats and belly scratches... it was Tidus' brilliant idea to suddenly get into Blitzball for reals. Because of the rumors that sometimes a sigil was awarded as a prize. A sigil needed to possibly improve Wakka's Celestial weapon: a ball with a lot of spikes on it for whatever reason. It seemed like a more reasonable activity compared to dodging 200 lightning bolts to get a sigil for Lulu...
Anyways, Wakka knew the Besaid Aurochs were in good hands under Tidus' tactics. They could try their best once again (and maybe win?) That was until Rikku spoke up: "My brother is a good Blitzball player, actually!"
That was the beginning of the end of the Besaid Aurochs as Wakka knew them.
Rikku's brother, named Brother (yes, that's his name) turned out to be a better player than most of the Aurochs! He was even on par with Tidus when it came to shooting a goal in the net. Was there anything he couldn't do? Yes. One thing.
Brother couldn't block a shot as a goalie worth shit.
A few exhibition games later... Tidus walked around Luca, taking in the sights of the port city. He heard quips and remarks of people and the rumors on what Sin was doing staying in a single place for so long. A familiar voice of a mature woman caught his attention.
"Shaami here with the news: the Besaid Aurochs' lack of defence still seems to be a low blow, even with upcoming rookie Brother- H-hey!"
Tidus had snuck up on the newscaster while her attention was to her cameraman, content to listen in.
"I'm trying to work here." Shaami seethed through gritted teeth. It wasn't the first time Tidus had interupted her newscasting, and she'd be damned if the punk ruined yet another sphere for broadcasting. These round and blue translucent resources were hard to find in the wild as is and you could only record on it once.
"Do you play Blitzball?" Tidus asked.
His eyes stared, never blinking.
"Wh-What?" Shaami was taken aback from the sudden question.
"Do. You. Play. Blitzball?" Tidus asked again, pausing between words.
"I played... when I was younger," Shaami replied, her lips taut and eyes squinting with suspicion. "Why?"
The boy's eyes did not blink even once.
"Do you wanna play Blitzball?"
...
That was how the changes began. One after another, Tidus traveled around to scout for players. Not on foot, mind you. He had help from Rikku's and Brother's dad Cid flying an airship all around the continent of Spira. Rumors of potentially good players led Tidus from the Mi'ihen Highroad to the Calm Lands back to Luca and probably a few laps around Sin, too.
Rin, an Al-Bhed merchant franchise owner that helped the group out plenty of times joined for a bit. He was quite decent. Even a hit with the ladies in the stadium due to his husky Sulu-esque voice. ("Who's Sulu?" Rikku had asked.) Next was Wakka, as he was slowly convinced Sin wouldn't go anywhere anytime soon. His salary of 1 gil was out of the goodness of his own heart and his love for the game and the team he left behind to go on a journey to defeat Sin with Yuna. There was only one problem...
"You can't have more than 8 players on a team, ya?" Wakka said, "Them's the rules."
Wakka was let go.
Unlike what Wakka thought was an easy choice, Tidus made his own easy choice. Several easy choices. Like BANG BANG BANG one after another.
"Sorry, bud," Tidus put his hands on the player's shoulder, trying to let him down easy. "I guess ya didn't make the cut."
Datto ran from the locker room before anyone could see him cry, as everyone thought Botta would be the first to go. Botta wiped the sweat from his brow and praised Yevon in a squeak. It wasn't long after that more cuts had to be made. Sweet and kind Keepa was swapped for asshole-ish Jumal.
"I still don't think you guys will beat Sin," Jumal said plainly, "But I guess you can still try."
"And I still don't think I can shove a ball up your ass," Tidus leaned in to whisper, "But I guess I can still try."
Jumal, now known as a complete asshole, kept his mouth shut after that until he was swapped in for Miyu. She was a cute Al Bhed girl from what Tidus could tell, even with her goggles covering her eyes. She turned out to be a super goalie with a grip as hard as-
Well, whatever you could compare to gripping a ball underwater like really really good.
Yuna and Rikku cheered anyway, yelling about "Girl power!" whenever Shaami or Miyu made any plays. They awed at Miyu's ability to handle any ball coming towards her net and Shaami's ability to swim and shoot goals even while wearing a dress underwater. The girls started to think that even Lulu could play Blitzball with her thick dress decorated with fur and dozens of buckles. But they were none the wiser about Shaami's and Miyu's status as MILF and CUTIE WITH A NICE GRIP on the team.
Jassu and Botta were kept for a bit longer, with Jassu being the favorite. That is, until Wedge and Ropp were scouted. ("Not Biggs and Wedge together? Are you crazy?!" Rikku had screeched.)
"Jassu, Jassu, Jassu... My man, my guy, my man!" Tidus wrapped his arm around Jassu's shoulders, nodding his head and sighing.
"Tidus, you can't be serious!" Jassu's eyes widened, the realization hitting him. "I'm the last Auroch on the team, ya?! Then the Besaid Aurochs won't be the Besaid Aurochs without any Aurochs from Besaid! Ya!?"
But his plea fell on deaf ears. Not literally, but on ears that heard but willingly ignored.
"That's what falling on deaf ears means," Lulu's voice strains as she facepalms and shakes her head.
This is my story, Lulu. And this might be our last chance.
"Oh my Yevon, Tidus-"
Yevon was all lies and you know that.
"Oh my... Moogle, God, whatever! Whatever god there is out there!"
...
All the changes had to be made, for the greater good. For bragging rights. But mostly for the greater good. Meanwhile, Yuna had to give Kimahri chin scratches each time after the Ronso Fangs lost, calming him with kind but empty words. Like suggesting he could play for the team with his fellow cat-like people if he got over his fear of water.
Datto was signed on to play for the Luca Goers for one game with a thirst for revenge against Tidus in particular. Tidus had to laugh so hard he swam up to the surface to get any air. The Luca Goers promptly let Datto go after yet another crushing defeat from the Aurochs. And who could forget that Tidus inspired the other teams to change around so much that no one from the Guado Glories were even Guados anymore? Or that members of the Kilika Beasts weren't from Kilika? Changes made for the greater good indeed. That was when everyone in Spira knew... that even with Sin sitting like a duck that he could still kill. He killed the one thing that gave Spira hope in times of despair outside of pilgrimages full of sacrificing.
Sin finally killed Blitzball.
At long last, after squinting through the water many times just to learn how to spin the ball to kick it in the goal or poison another player with a seemingly innocuous playful tackle... victory had never been so sweet. Or salty. (Who knows how many times the water in the Blitzball stadium got cleaned due to the losers pissing themselves whenever Tidus used his infamous Jecht Shot to score.) After seasons and seasons of swimming around the edge of the pool to pass the ball to Tidus to score, and playing catch for the rest of the game to pass the time... At least 50 games later with Sin still sitting on his fat ass scaring the bejeebus out of the locals whenever he yawned... The Mercury Sigil was finally awarded to the Besaid Aurochs. The famous victory fanfare played on the stadium speakers, colorful paper things falling everywhere-
"Confetti," Lulu rolls her eyes.
"Now maybe! Just MAYBE! The rate of concussions will go down SLIGHTLY!" The award giver strained a smile while holding the mic for the whole stadium to hear. Cue laugh track from a music sphere on the speakers. And slow claps from the crowd.
Thus, Wakka's Celestial weapon was upgraded, dubbed the World Champion, and ready to go and defeat Sin. But there was one thing that needed to be done before even that...
"Hey, Tidus, I wanna give you somethin' ya?" Wakka smiled. "Just a little somethin' for making the Besaid Aurochs go big, even if you had no one from Besaid on the team. No hard feelings, ya?"
"Oh, yeah? What is it?" Tidus perked up.
Wakka flung his spiked ball towards the boy's head.
The first time in Blitzball history a player suffered severe bleeding from a head injury.
...
"This isn't what I meant when I said to tell your story," Auron's gruff voice says.
Yuna is hard at work using her white magic to heal Tidus' head, whilst his eyes roll back in a daze after recalling his compelling story. He must've felt the dire need to tell it for fear of dying, Yuna guesses from his edgy nihilistic narrating tone. Or perhaps he was hit in the head too hard.
"Please, Sir Auron," Yuna chuckles, her hands steady and glowing a soft green, "I thought it was quite an enthralling legacy."
"You have no idea," Auron catches Yuna's teasing tone.
A few minutes pass before Yuna sighs deeply.
"You know, I forgot to ask him," Yuna turns her eyes upwards towards her wisest guardian, "What is a MILF?"
