One-Shot: The One With the Actual Truth About London
"Chandler!"
Monica Geller burst out of Apartment 20 in a blind panic, her eyes scanning frantically down the hallway. She broke into a run for the stairwell, intent on chasing him back down to apologize. Explain. She didn't know how she was going to make him see sense but she….
Monica pulled up short halfway down the first flight of steps and exhaled with relief as she realized he hadn't gotten very far. Her fiancé was on the landing of Floor 2, back hunched and shoulders slumped, head nearly between his knees. She could hear him sniffling quietly.
Monica softened, if only slightly. Her heart felt like it was shattering into a million pieces. Wordlessly, she padded down the stairs and eased herself down to sit beside him. Tentatively, she reached out a palm and began to strum it up and down his spine. She felt her lover stiffen under her touch, but he did not flinch, much less pull away. Monica felt a glimmer of encouragement at this.
She took a deep breath. Whatever she said next had to be absolutely perfect. This had to be the performance of her life, even more than giving her wedding vows would be…. that is, if Chandler would still have her.
She decided to start with what should be the most obvious point, even though Chandler's self-esteem had taken such a beating in only a matter of hours, he was likely in an unmoored and paranoid enough state to believe anything.
"Chandler….. there is nothing going on between me and Joey. Nothing…." Now there was a sentence she never thought she would have to say, and were the moment not so heavy and serious, she might have actually burst into laughter. A part of her still wanted to – certainly most of the laughter would be directed at herself.
Chandler lifted his head, and Monica's heart howled to see the tears streaming down his cheeks. He looked the picture of a hurt, lost little boy. "Then why did you go looking for him in London?" His voice dripped with betrayal, bitterness.
Monica lifted an eyebrow. "I was drunk and despondent out of my mind." Of course, the man already knew that; he'd been there. She sighed, continuing to rub his back; she was heartened at how he hadn't shaken her off yet. "You want to know why I really went looking for Joey initially?"
From the leery expression on his face, Chandler clearly didn't want to know, yet he nodded anyway. Monica smiled sadly, with a touch of amusement.
"Because our dear friend, who has agreed to marry us….. our Joey….. well, he has a reputation that precedes him." She shrugged, chuckling a little. "A guy like that probably won't ever be tamed into loving just one woman. All he wants is sex, sex, sex."
"And you went hunting for Joey that night because he could give you sex?" Chandler ground out. "Because he could give you what you wanted?"
"Yes," Monica answered honestly. "Joey could have given me what I wanted. At least in that moment. But Joey could never have given me what I needed." Chandler shifted under her touch, turning to stare her directly in the face. She had his attention now. Gazing into his beautiful blue eyes, Monica felt her own starting to well up.
"I went looking for sex that night, Chandler; I'll freely admit that. But I ended up finding something more, something better: I found love – true love - instead." Monica knew she was dancing dangerously close to giving away part of her wedding vows, thematically speaking, but those words were different. She started to feel tears slipping down her cheeks, gazing at him, heartsick. "Thank God you were in that hotel room instead of Joey!" In her own private thoughts, she had ruminated on this more than once, and the consideration of an alternate universe in which she had slept with Joey disgusted her. Not that Joey was bad to look at, per se, but the man was like having another brother, and…. Monica shook her head to focus, sniffling.
"We went at it – seven….. glorious times…." Monica chuckled breathlessly, almost wanting to fan herself at the memory of that magical night. She glanced back at him, besotted. "It was truly the best sex I've ever had, and will ever have, in my entire life!" With her free hand, she started playing with the cuffs of her jeans. "I remember waking up in the middle of the night…. Watching you sleep…." She grinned helplessly at her fiancé. "You looked so…. peaceful and content…. and I was terrified…."
Chandler peered at her, now completely hooked. "Why….?"
Monica covered up a sob. "Because I could feel how I was already falling in love with you! I was petrified that we were going to ruin our friendship. But…. but I watched you…. sleeping there…. and…. and all I wanted was to fall asleep each night and wake up every morning next to you. I was a goner, even then. I was happy!..." Monica glanced at him. "I…. I looked at you and I was…." She sniffled. "I was home!"
Chandler was silent for a long time. Gently he took her free hand that wasn't still strumming along his back. Monica glanced up, tear tracks blazing down her cheeks.
"You wouldn't have slept with me, if you'd been sober."
Monica swallowed hard. "We'll go crazy discussing these what-ifs, Chandler. Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't have. Who knows? I could have just been depressed and still wandered over to your room and jumped your bones. Shouldn't we just be glad that it happened the way it did?" She smiled at him hopefully. "Everyone else might call it chance that you were there and Joey wasn't, but I think it was fate. I was destined to find you, that night. I was born to be with you! I….." Monica broke down weeping, moved to tears by the love she felt for this man. She felt Chandler's warm and large hands cup her face, tilt it back and then he was kissing her, kissing her, swallowing her sobs with his lips, her sobs which turned into relieved moans, and Monica kissed him back, clutching at him. Her friend. Her lover. Her soon-to-be-husband.
They kissed like that for many minutes, feeling moisture from their mutual tears slip onto each other's faces like sweet rain. Chandler began peppering his lips along Monica's skin, kissing away her tears. Monica sighed and leaned into his embrace.
"Don't cry…." Chandler murmured.
"I'm sorry!" Monica sobbed. She said this, even though she technically had nothing to apologize for. Even so, just knowing she had once had the thought of sleeping with Joey made her feel…. unfaithful, somehow….. even though nothing had happened and the thought had occurred before she and Chandler were together.
"It's OK…." Chandler crooned and leaning against him, Monica exhaled with a shudder of relief, feeling safe and at home in his arms. Now it was Chandler's turn to start rubbing her back. He suddenly chuckled, the sound mirthless.
Monica shakily joined in the laughter. "What….?"
"Remember how we once said there actually should be secrets kept in a marriage? I think we should reverse course again!" Monica wetly chuckled, and they embraced tighter. Chandler drew back and studied her face, caressing her cheek with his thumb. "From now on: no more secrets?"
Monica smiled weakly. "No more secrets." She pulled him back into her arms, whispering into his ear:
"For the record, I don't have to sleep with Joey to know he could never compare to you!"
Chandler giggled awkwardly. "Don't go telling him that."
"There you two are!"
Monica and Chandler broke apart, glancing back up the flight of steps. "Speak of the devil."
Joey was standing there, looking sheepish and awkward. He was clearly finding it difficult to look Monica in the eye, scratching the back of his neck. "The others are worried – like, really worried…."
Monica smiled softly. "We're fine, Joey. There's still going to be a wedding." She glanced at Chandler. "We are still getting married, right?" For once, Chandler didn't even attempt a joke, just beamed and nodded reassuringly.
"Oh, good!" Joey visibly deflated, his broad smile returning.
Monica softly rose and climbed the steps towards her friend. Joey was finding the floor quite interesting.
"Hey:" At her gentle prompting, he looked up, and Monica hugged him around the neck. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you."
Joey chuckled awkwardly. "Nah. If anything, I was flattered. I actually thought it was kind of funny…." Glancing over Monica's shoulder, he caught Chandler's glare and his face fell. "Your fiancé doesn't want to punch out my lights, does he?"
"No….!" Monica drew back, smirking at her dear friend.
"He could!" Joey offered. "After the Kathy debacle, we could call it even!"
Monica smirked and rolled her eyes. "Except nothing actually happened, Joe. No one did anything." She glanced back over shoulder. "Right, Chandler?"
Chandler nodded and got to his feet. He mounted the steps and drew Monica into his side. Joey glanced between the pair, beaming.
"You guys really do look amazing together," he murmured tenderly. He cleared his throat. "And, Mon: for what it's worth….. I'm glad he was there for you, and I wasn't." He faltered. "That sounded a lot better in my head."
Monica grinned. "I know," she crooned. "I'm glad he was there too." Beaming up into her fiancé's eyes, she and Chandler leaned in and chastely kissed.
Joey was grinning softly, as he gave a jerk of his head. "Come on. Any longer, and I think the girls are going to have a mental breakdown that the engagement's been called off, never mind Ross!"
And the three friends traipsed up the stairs towards Apartment 20. Just before heading inside, Monica glanced to see that Joey was entering ahead of them and stopped to kiss Chandler soundly on the mouth. Drawing back, she gazed at him. "I'm yours, Chandler." She kissed along his cheeks. "Only yours…." His nose. "Always yours…." On his mouth once more. She caught his eyes and held them. "I love you."
Chandler gave her that relieved, boyish, bashful grin that she loved. "Yeah. I know. I love you too – so much…."
Monica beamed, and they embraced and kissed.
