Chapter Thirty-Five

Quinn doesn't make it into the starting line-up for the team's first game against Guatemala. Owen tells her to expect it, but it's still rather disappointing. She's been working really hard, training more than she ever has, and she knows she fits into the system they want to play really well.

But she's also aware soccer is a team sport, and she's nothing if not a team player. Which is why she happily sits on the sidelines beside Faye and cheers them on as the half goes on. It's made a lot easier when Lindsey scores their first goal in the twelfth minute, and it feels as if a sigh of relief settles over their entire camp.

They're here, and it's really happening.

Julie scores their second goal in the twenty-ninth minute, and their coach immediately sends Quinn, Faye, and Luisa to start warming up. Quinn keeps half an eye on the field, watching how the defenders mark and how she would manage to get past them if she were on the field.

Which she gets the opportunity to make a reality when she gets subbed in at fifty minutes and they're already up by three goals. Her coach doesn't give her any more of an instruction than score some goals, and it takes Quinn exactly four minutes to get started.

It comes via a through-ball from Morgan, which Quinn easily runs onto, goes around the goalkeeper and slots home her first of many goals to come in her national colours. She almost doesn't believe it when it happens, and it takes Morgan almost knocking her over with the force of her hug to bring her into reality.

"You just scored!" Morgan screams right in her face.

"Holy smokes!" Quinn screams right back.

Morgan hugs her again, and then very purposefully says, "Do it again."

And Quinn does.

Six minutes later.

It's a header this time, her forehead connecting with a cross from Luisa's very-talented left foot and guiding it into the back of the net. For a moment, Quinn barely registers what's happened, and it's Luisa this time who brings her back into the moment with a hard slap to her back.

But it's Faye who jokingly nudges her and says, "Going for the hat-trick already, hmm, superstar?"

Until this moment, she didn't even know anyone knew about that. Her Griffin streak is still going strong, even if the team has had to play quite a few games without her over the past few weeks.

"Reckon I could do it?" Quinn asks as they make their way back to their half to restart the game.

"You tell me," Faye challenges, grinning with mischief. "Do it for your girlfriend."

Quinn doesn't tell her that nearly everything she does now is for Rachel, who she knows is watching from the rec room with the rest of their friends. They're rooting for her, and Quinn wants nothing more than to make them proud.

Make Rachel proud.

Faye shoves her gently, the whistle blows, and Quinn sets off. She never gave much thought to how it would feel to play on a field like this with teammates like this, but it's everything she could have dreamed of.

They're good.

In fact, it's quite obvious they're better than the other team, and Quinn merely proves it when she picks up the ball at the halfway line and runs with it. She's definitely not the fastest on the pitch, but she's skilful and the other team is tiring. She easily dribbles past them, dodging a tackle, dropping another defender, and then curls the ball around the onrushing keeper.

All Quinn hears is the blood rushing in her ears. Everything else is silent around her. Her heart beats once, twice, and then the world comes right back into focus.

Then Faye is tackling her right onto the ground, her face right in front of Quinn's.

"You sneaky little bitch," she says, thankfully not too loudly, and then there's a dog pile of soccer players knocking the air right out of her lungs.

Despite her inability to breathe properly, Quinn wouldn't change a thing. This moment, and every moment that comes after it. It's a youth tournament, technically, but Quinn doesn't think about that when she's on the field. If Owen wants her to shine, she'll do it as brightly as she's able.

That comes in the form of a second hat-trick against Cuba, Quinn making it into the starting line-up alongside Luisa. Faye complains good-naturedly about being the only substitute from the previous game not involved from the start, but she still yells and cheers from the sidelines as they play their second game. She's also the one who sets up Quinn's third goal when she does eventually come onto the field, and it feels -

Everything feels worth it, all of a sudden. Soccer is this safe place where she gets to be the best she can, and she doesn't even care about what the rest of the world says about her. She can't hear them from where she's standing, so what do they matter, anyway?

The only person who truly, truly matters - and Quinn is willing to say it out loud to whomever will hear her - is Rachel. Nothing she does will mean anything until Quinn can have Rachel at her side. Nothing feels real until she can tell Rachel about it. Nothing counts if Rachel isn't near, and she doesn't foresee that ever changing.


Rachel is both more and less focused while Quinn is away. She's constantly on edge, yes, but she's also not looking over her shoulder at every opportunity, expecting to see Quinn. She's not here, and so Rachel can rest just slightly easier. Or just in a different way.

She still has sessions with Holly every day, which they spend trying not to talk about Quinn past the first ten minutes. They've figured out that Rachel can't quite settle into the session until she's managed to check in that her girlfriend is actually okay in a different country and on display for the entire world interested in international youth women's soccer to see.

Then they talk about everything else.

It's odd, if Rachel thinks about it. So much of her life is about Quinn - which she loves, of course - but it's a rather startling reminder that there are so many other facets to her life. So much more than just her forever relationship.

She's an individual first, before she's one half of a couple. But it's also a reminder that she has to deal with an entire host of issues that have nothing to do with her girlfriend.

Like her family, and her future, and her assault.

They start with Shelby, who might be the safest place to begin at this point. Rachel ends up talking quite deeply about the divorce for what feels like the first time in years, detailing how she was used as a pawn between her parents, essentially becoming something they could use to hurt each other.

She speaks about her decision to move to Wallingford after a particularly nasty bullying incident in New York involving a boy she's just now realised she hasn't ever told Quinn about, and how her parents reacted to that. Then only does she speak about her college choices, which leads her to Brody, which leads her to talking about how her mother essentially implied she's only accepted Rachel's sexuality because she doesn't want Hiram to win.

"After all this time, I'm still caught in the middle, and I hate it," Rachel says, exasperated. "They're supposed to be adults but, honestly, they act more like children than we do."

Holly looks only slightly amused by her outburst. "Have you spoken to them about how you feel?"

"Together?"

"Yes."

Rachel laughs, the sound a bit dark. "Before they both came here after Quinn's - you know, I couldn't even tell you the last time they were in the same room together," she says. "It's some kind of Cold War. I don't think it'll ever end."

"And how do you feel about that?"

Rachel considers it seriously. "I mean, it's probably for the best that they don't interact," she says. "They don't get along at all. I don't know how they ever thought they'd survive marriage. And I guess I've already got used to spending different holidays with them, so that's just how life will be."

"Do you want something to change?"

"Not really."

"Because you're still angry with your mother?"

Rachel doesn't immediately respond, because maybe it's true. If pressed, she would admit that she's actually angry with both her parents right now, and she can't quite say why.

Or maybe she can.

Because Hiram knew. They all knew, yes, but Hiram got to see a side to Quinn that should have alarmed him more than it did. He should have done more. They all should have done more. Quinn was in his home. She should have been safe there.

"We're supposed to be going to New York for Spring Break, you know?" Rachel tells Holly, not quite ready to answer the question she's been asked. "Me and Quinn. It was my mother's Christmas gift to her, I suppose. We're meant to stay with her."

"But you don't want that anymore?"

"I don't think I wanted it then, either." She puffs out a breath. "I think Brody's living with her, actually, which is just all kinds of weird for me." She's told her mother this numerous times, but it's as if Shelby isn't listening. And it's fine, really. Shelby has been living her own life for years already, and Rachel thinks they can all co-exist in New York when the time comes. The city is big enough. It's just that the problem is -

Well.

"She doesn't seem to get it," Rachel says. "I don't really comment on the relationship anymore, but I also just - I don't want any part of it. But, even now, she brings it up in a way that implies I should understand that love knows no boundaries because of my relationship with Quinn." She shakes her head. "He's literally younger than half her age, Dr Holly. I'm sorry, but that's literally a choice you're making. Regardless of the gender I'm dating, Quinn is at least my age."

Holly nods, her right hand making a few notes. Truthfully, and she has to acknowledge it, they've spent most of their time discussing Shelby and New York, Rachel seeming more comfortable discussing that complicated situation than other topics.

They're going to have to move on eventually, though.

"Won't you make plans to see her when you're visiting the city over Spring Break, then?" Holly asks.

"I will, I'm sure," Rachel says, "But we're definitely not staying with her." She manages a smile. "Quinn's potential colleges are actually putting her and Owen up in a hotel, so I'm planning on just tagging along. It's honestly incredible what some of these places are offering her. It's like they really do realise they might end up with the First Daughter in their ranks."

Holly frowns at her choice of words. "Do you really think Russell Fabray's campaign will be successful?"

"Worse people have made it to the White House, so who really knows?" she answers with a shrug. "Even the worst publicity is still publicity. Some people actually commend them for their stance on Quinn's sexuality, and I absolutely hate that they're somehow still profiting off of the literal worst day of my life."

Holly lifts her eyebrows. "Is it?" she asks. "Because I know you have your own trauma, Rachel."

It gives her pause, the idea that she considers the day Quinn almost died to be somehow worse than the day of her own assault. Because, honestly, she didn't think anything could ever compare. There was an aftermath to the assault that still haunts her, and she just knows what's happened with Quinn will follow them for years.

There's no escaping their collective pasts.

"It is," Rachel says finally, frowning at herself. "Because I would go through that again and again if it means I never have to face losing her ever again." The sentence, itself, is horrifying to say, but she knows it's true the moment she's finished. She never, never again wants to hold Quinn's body and not feel her heartbeat. "Is that just the worst thing you've ever heard?"

"It definitely isn't," she answers immediately. "I've done this job a long time, and I've heard a lot of awful things. Is that how you feel about what you've said?"

"I can't tell if it's because of my pain, or if it's because I never want her to be in that kind of pain again." She looks troubled. "And we're literally both eighteen. Look at how much has already happened to us. What do the rest of our lives hold for us, huh? Is it supposed to get easier, because I definitely didn't think it could get worse? Like, when is it going to end? Will it ever?"

And Holly is being the most truthful when she says, "Probably not."

Rachel lets out a laugh, but she appreciates the honesty.

"I think the best thing you can do is deal with each new obstacle as consistently as you can," Holly says. "From what I've learned, you two are capable of having difficult conversations. You make the time for them. And I know life has been very full-on recently, but you will make it. You do believe that, don't you?"

Here, Rachel drops her gaze. "I believe it, yes, but I also worry how realistic that'll be when I just know Quinn will never return to Wallingford with me."

"Does the success of your relationship hinge on that?"

"No," Rachel immediately says. "I just - it's still something we have to work on, and there's always going to be something."

Rachel knows this. She and Quinn are both incredibly ambitious, with hopes and dreams that will likely carry them into careers that will exist in the public eye. People are going to know their pasts. She and Quinn won't be able to hide those parts of their lives, and Rachel is going to have to accept that going forward. She won't like it, but she'll have to accept it.

"Why wouldn't she go home with you?" Holly asks. When Rachel doesn't respond, Holly goes for the jugular: "Or, better yet, why are you hiding behind her when it's clear you're the one who doesn't want to return to Wallingford?"

Rachel opens her mouth, and then immediately closes it.

Holly waits, ever patient.

"I didn't tell Quinn this, but Eric used my Dad's phone to call me," she reveals, which is a slight tangent. "I didn't want to stress her out before the tournament, and I'm kind of hoping ignoring it will make it all go away, but - " she stops quite suddenly. "I mean, logic tells me that definitely won't happen, but I can handle only one thing at a time." She shakes her head. "I hung up immediately, but he had enough time to apologise, and I - I don't think I will ever not be angry."

"That's completely understandable, Rachel," Holly says. "What was it like hearing his voice? Is it the fact you know he's in Wallingford that keeps you reluctant?"

"It was horrible," she says. "I mean, I didn't expect it, so it was a surprise. Like I said, I hung up right away, and I know my Dad had quite a few words with him about it. And I know I don't want to see him or be anywhere near him." Holly doesn't even know why Eric got roped into Uncle Jared's plotting. "But I also - I don't know. Home was supposed to be somewhere safe. Somewhere we could go and just exist. I took Quinn there, and I promised to keep her safe when she was with me. I promised she would always be welcome in my family, where we would love and respect her. It's my family, Dr Holly. These are the people who are supposed to become her family, and I don't know how - where do we go from here? What does our future look like now if the people who are meant to love us can hurt us this way?"

They're rhetorical questions, and so Holly keeps silent, which really invites Rachel to drop yet another bombshell.

"Eric did it because he hates Quinn," she reveals. "And he hates her because he can't understand why I'm in love with her and not him."

Holly goes completely still. She was certain there wasn't more this girl could say to shock her, but here they are.

"I'm not supposed to know," Rachel continues, keeping her gaze locked on her hands. "I really wish I didn't, but then I also wouldn't know why he would want to hurt her. And he did, you know? Hurt her in a way he doesn't even realise. But he also hurt me, and I - not even taking Quinn into account, they hurt me. It was my face, too, blasted on news broadcasts and ridiculed like the pawns we were made to be in what will probably be an ugly race."

Just when Rachel thought she was finally out of the news cycle in Wallingford, her own family dragged her right back into it. She's successfully ignored and missed as much as she possibly could, but she already knows the kinds of things people must have said and are probably still saying.

Okay, so, yes, maybe Rachel doesn't want to go to Wallingford, either.

"Do you think you could ever forgive them?" Holly asks, already guessing Rachel's response, but still curious about her reasoning.

"No," she says immediately. "Even if we somehow manage to patch together our relationships, I will never forgive them for this, the same way I will never forgive Quinn's parents, or Tori, or Azimio Adams, or any of the Prescott family. I'm allowed not to forgive them."

"Of course, Rachel," Holly says. "Nobody's asking you to."

"They are," Rachel says, lifting her gaze. "LeRoy wants me at least to listen to Eric, but none of them know. I mean, Daniel and Levi are still livid on my behalf. My Dad doesn't really want to get too involved, but I - do you know what it feels like? Yeah. It feels like I've been exposed all over again." She nods her head slowly, the words forming in her head. "I feel violated, but this time it's by my own family. I don't know how I'm ever supposed to work through that, and I kind of don't want to. Not right now, and not any time soon."

Holly's really going to need her own time to unpack what she's learned today. It's constantly caught her off guard just how Quinn and Rachel managed to find each other and stay together through everything they've been through, both before and after they met. It's as if the world has constantly been working against them, and it's a true testament to their collective strength. And, Holly supposes, just how much they love each other.

Rachel checks the time on her phone. "Oh, the game is about to start," she says. "I'm meeting Kurt and the others to watch it in the rec room."

Holly checks her own time, confirming that her day is now over.

Well, her work day, because she agreed to watch the game with Owen for some reason she's not yet willing to admit to herself or literally anyone else. Quinn can tease her all she wants, but she'll get nothing out of Holly.

"Who are they playing?"

"Cuba," Rachel says, wiping her hands on the tops of her thighs. "She's actually starting this one, which is just amazing. The pundits are already on the hat-trick hero train. Apparently, they've got all of her stats, and it's painting quite a picture."

"She's doing very well," Holly agrees. "We're all very proud of her."

Rachel presses her lips together, visibly contemplating whether she wants to say her next words. They generally start their sessions with some kind of plan, but then they always end up talking about all sorts of topics in a roundabout order.

In the end, she realises that she could probably tell Dr Holliday literally anything at this point. "I'm so pleased for her, of course. And proud. This is all she's wanted, I know, but I just - is it selfish of me that I just want to keep her all to myself? She's belonged to this school, and the Griffin team. She's belonged to her family, and to her friends, and I know she belongs to me, too, but I just - I don't think I'm quite ready to share her with the entire nation." She shakes her head. "Can't I just gatekeep my girlfriend for a little while longer?"

Holly smiles. "I think it's already too late for that," she says.

Rachel exaggerates a sigh, and then gets to her feet. "I - thank you for today."

Holly looks bemused, as she usually does whenever Rachel thanks her.

"See you tomorrow," she says, heading to the boardroom's door. "Have fun with Owen."

Holly doesn't even have enough time to react to those words before Rachel has slipped out of the room, giggling all the way.


Quinn doesn't play at all in their last group game against Panama, their coach pulling her aside to tell her that she's being saved for their semi-final, which is likely to be against Mexico. It's become a running joke now that a hat-trick is expected out of her every time she steps on the field, and she's trying not to let the pressure get to her.

It's a good pressure, though. Something Quinn needs, given everything. A pressure that isn't even her own. It feels good, and it's something she's actually proud to tell Holly whenever they're able to talk. It's not often, given her schedule and the time difference, but it's nice to check in once in a while.

Even nicer to hear from Holly that Rachel is doing okay.

"We've been talking," Holly tells her. "Turns out she has more than just you to talk about."

"I don't even know if I should be insulted," Quinn says, stretching out on her bed and sighing. Her body is a little achy and a bit bruised, but she's never actually felt this alive before. This is what she wants to be doing.

She wants to be doing everything.

"But she's okay?" Quinn asks.

"She is," Holly confirms. "It's just a lot. More than I think even she was aware."

"What can I do?"

"Just listen," Holly tells her. "You already do a good job of that, I'm sure, but I think there's a lot she hides, whether consciously or not."

Oh. Quinn already knows that.

"And everyone else?" Quinn asks. "Dalton isn't burning down without me, is it?"

"They're doing just fine," Holly assures her.

"And Owen?"

"So, when's your next game?"

Quinn lets out a laugh, not expecting anything different. It's safer to talk about soccer, so she speaks a bit about their preparations for the semi-final and how she's getting along with her teammates. Morgan is her roommate again, and Quinn truly appreciates just how calm she is. They enjoy their mutual silence, the two of them more introverted than majority of the rest of the team.

Morgan just gets it that sometimes Quinn needs to recharge her social battery after an afternoon spent with Faye and Luisa. She's also very willing to pass on all the advice she possibly can about what Quinn should expect from college.

If she's trying to convince Quinn to join her in Virginia, she's very subtle about it. Quinn hasn't explicitly told anyone where she's going - much to Owen's amusement and annoyance - but it's no secret it's going to be near and around wherever Rachel is, and that is definitely not in Virginia.

But, mostly, they discuss soccer. Morgan is very realistic about her prospects of joining the senior team and what that would mean for any other career prospects she might have. She's just not sure she could make as much of a salary playing professional soccer as she could pursuing her current major of Business Studies.

It all just leaves Quinn with a lot to think about, and she knows she'll have to speak to Holly - and Rachel - about it sooner rather than later, but maybe she'll save that for when she's back at Dalton. It's definitely a lot easier to talk about soccer.

Even with Owen, whom she calls straight after she gets off the phone with Holly. He answers immediately, diving straight into talking shop as he is wont to do. He's putting together her New York college tour, definitely enjoying milking all the potential offers for what they're worth. From what she's learned already, he's got someone to pay for an entire hotel suite for them, which is honestly just wild to her.

She's not used to people actually wanting her.

And, honestly, Quinn is just relieved they're still interested in her after all the media frenzy she's been involved in over the past few weeks.

Owen hums when Quinn mentions it. "I mean, they probably want the publicity," he says. "Not just related to your father, because that could be hit or miss, but you're on your way towards the national team, and which college wouldn't want the USA's next number nine on their roster?"

"Nineteen," Quinn automatically corrects.

"Nineteen," he echoes, never once questioning her choice of number. "And, really, not to sound how I know I'm going to sound, but these colleges want to show that they're progressive, Quinn. I'm sorry, but you might turn into the next poster girl for queer female athletes in the country, so, you know, they'd be dumb not to cash in right now."

It should make Quinn feel uncomfortable, but there's some comfort in knowing why they want her. Not that she thought they were selfless or anything, but she's quietly questioned their motivations. She knows she's good at soccer, but she didn't think her talent outweighed all the controversy that follows, but having Owen say it so plainly helps.

The gamble on her is worth it.

"We can get a lot out of them," Owen says. "We can get you safety."

The two of them don't talk about it. They haven't, not really, and Quinn maybe took it for granted that they just wouldn't. But she knows that Owen and Holly have been talking, so maybe Quinn won't be able to escape it forever.

"Safety from discrimination?" Quinn asks.

"And safety from any politically-motivated retaliation," he adds, and she knows he's still smarting from that one game against Parker Bowl that nearly saw her soccer season end prematurely.

"Yeah, that's - I'm definitely going to need that." With the way things are looking right now, Quinn knows it would be the smart thing to be prepared for how her life will continue to change the longer the Presidency race goes on and her father hasn't yet faded into obscurity.

"We can - " he stops and clears his throat. "We can include Rachel somewhere."

Quinn audibly swallows, thankful that she's currently alone in the room. "Not by name," she finally says. "Maybe just some clause about my friends and family. I just - I know we haven't been able to protect each other in the ways we'd like, but this is something we can do."

"I'll get it arranged."

She breathes out slowly, and then whispers, "Thank you."

He's quiet for a moment. "I - um, I'm in your corner, Quinn. Always. I won't always get it right, believe me, but - we have - I mean, you are - "

Quinn finds herself smiling at his awkwardness. "Owen," she interrupts. "It's okay."

"Oh, thank God," he says in relief.

She laughs softly, but she sounds very purposeful when she says, "Thank you, Owen. Seriously."

"Yeah. Okay." He clears his throat. "So, how are you feeling about Mexico?"


Jesse calls an end to their ConChords' rehearsals earlier than he usually would, which Rachel is definitely grateful for, because Quinn is meant to be starting in their semi-final against Mexico, and Rachel would really appreciate getting her homework done before it starts.

If Rachel has to be honest, the competition side of singing doesn't appeal to her as it once did. She's really more focused on preparing for the upcoming musical rather than preparing for their trip to Chicago. The competitive spirit has faded somewhat. Particularly after everything that happened with Parker Bowl.

To this day, she still doesn't know how they managed to win their Regionals. And, frankly, she doesn't trust the integrity of the competition anymore. Not after they were initially unjustly disqualified, and then just reinstated when the organisers were forced to explain why.

Jesse can probably tell, because he calls out, "Rachel, stay for a few minutes, would you?" while the rest of the group is shuffling out of the room.

Kurt gives her a wide-eyed look, but she waves him off. They both already know he's going to get the lowdown later, anyway.

Jesse waits until the Choir Room has emptied to say, "I haven't checked in for a while." He looks awkward as he stands there, unsure what to do with his hands. "How are things going?"

Rachel waits a beat, and then says, "I'm not singing as well as I used to."

"Yeah," he says. "But that's to be expected, right? Maybe we can try to figure out why, because we're definitely going to need you on top form if we want even a shot at winning Nationals."

She sighs heavily, her shoulders dropping. "I think I just don't care about winning, anymore," she admits, which is absolutely not like her. Rachel lives for the applause. She wants the glory, but she also really just doesn't want people looking at her. "I just - on a scale of importance of everything going on in my life right now, it falls very low."

"Maybe for you, sure," Jesse says, because he must understand that nobody's ever going to wonder if Rachel Berry won her high school's Nationals competition when she's headlining Broadway shows. "But this is important to more than just you. And I know that probably isn't pressure you need, but quite a few students have a lot riding on being as successful as they possibly can when we go to Chicago." He manages a smile. "It'll also be the good kind of clout you need for wherever you end up going for college."

Well.

When he puts it that way.

"New York," Rachel tells him. "The plan is New York."

"Tisch?"

She nods. "Maybe NYADA," she adds. "Not sure, though." She's taken Juilliard off the list, mainly because she wants musical theatre, and she's not prepared to compromise on her wants and desires anymore. Why should she?

"When are you auditioning?" Jesse asks.

"Over Spring Break."

He nods, and then ventures asking, "And Quinn?"

Rachel can forget, sometimes, that anyone who knows anything about what happened, already knows that she and Quinn are in a committed relationship. She should be used to having people ask her about Quinn, because she really does enjoy talking about her girlfriend, but it still catches her off guard.

Of course, he would be curious about where Quinn is going.

Everybody is.

"She's currently auditioning on the international stage," she tells him. "But, yeah, she's got every college in the New York area scrambling for her signature. She claims she's not enjoying the attention, but she also hasn't made a decision yet, so you tell me."

"New York will be a good place for you both," he says, and maybe he's recalling when he warned them that they would have to hide. Maybe the only silver lining about everything that's been revealed and subsequently exploited is that they no longer have to hide their relationship. Everyone knows they're together. Everyone will know about Quinn's suicide attempt. And if anyone were to go looking, they would also learn about Rachel's assault. There is no hiding, anyway.

Somehow, they're all just going to have to live with it, and Rachel just knows it isn't going to be easy. They're protected here at Dalton, but the great big world can be a scary place, and they're about to enter it.

"I hope so," Rachel says now.

Jesse shifts his weight from foot to foot. "I know Nationals feel unimportant right now, and maybe they are, but we could really do something here, Rachel. For you, and for Kurt and Blaine. For every other misunderstood kid. For all of Dalton." He doesn't say for Quinn, but it's implied. "Just think about it, okay?"

She nods, filing it away with all the other things she has to think about. It's a long list, and she just about manages to set them all aside when she eventually settles at her desk and works through an English problem set, forcing herself to focus rather on Shakespeare than her own life.

Kurt has already texted to ask what Jesse wanted to talk about, but she doesn't know what to tell him. The two of them surely have some of the same worries, but in different ways, and she can't put into words the dichotomy of the terror and relief she's constantly feeling.

Kurt asks the question of her in person when she meets him for dinner an hour later, the two of them huddled at the end of a long table near the windows. She absently wonders about the whereabouts of their other friends, but she's relieved not to have to expend too much social energy after such a long day.

"I guess he was just checking in," Rachel eventually tells him, moving her peas around her plate. "Apparently, I've lost my cutting edge."

He frowns. "What does that mean?"

"I guess I'm not as competitive as I once was," she offers. "Or maybe I just have a lot going on?"

"We all do," he says. "I mean, he can't seriously expect you to be fired up all the time."

"He's right, though."

"So what?"

She lifts her eyebrows. "Um. Okay." She studies him closely. "Are you okay?"

"What? Yeah. I'm fine."

She absolutely doesn't believe him. Their lives have really been going full throttle, and she knows she hasn't checked in properly, because this is the first time she truly notices just how rigid he's sitting. Like he can't quite relax, sitting on edge. Like he's just constantly waiting for something.

"What's going on with you?" she asks, looking around the cafeteria. It really is odd that it's just the two of them at dinner. "Does it have anything to do with how scarce Blaine has been?"

Kurt's expression shifts, dropping from indignation to something quite painful. "You can't tell Quinn."

Rachel blinks. "Oh. No. Then you really can't tell me. I'm never keeping anything from her again. I'm literally going to unload everything on her when she gets back. Her burdens are mine, and vice versa."

Kurt lets out a little laugh. "Wow, you two are seriously made for each other."

"Thank you."

He sighs, pushing his plate away. It seems they're both struggling with their appetites tonight. "Remember how Quinn and I went shopping for my big Valentine's confession to Blaine?"

Rachel nods.

"I planned to do it, you know? Not on the day, but a few days after," he explains. "Quinn was at her training camp, so I - I mean, I told him I liked him."

Rachel holds her breath, already not liking where this is going.

"He didn't - he said he didn't feel the same way," Kurt continues. "Or he's seeing someone else. Or he's just not in any place to reciprocate or whatever. I'm not really sure what excuse he gave. I think I stopped listening because of the sheer mortification of it all. But Quinn was so sure, you know? I think we both had these little dreams of being this killer foursome in New York, you know?" He presses his lips together. "I told her I chickened out when she got back. I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth, and she's already got so much going on, you know? She was barely here for any time, anyway, so it felt like the right thing to do at the time. But now Blaine is - he's acting weird about it, and I really, really wish I'd never told him."

Rachel spends a moment really thinking about what she knows about Blaine. They're close, sure, but not as close as she is to some of her other friends. "I don't think it's because he doesn't feel the same way," she finally says, because there really is a certain way that Blaine sometimes looks at Kurt. "It has to be something else."

"I just wish he would actually look at me."

"Should I talk to him?" Rachel offers. "Because I think I know a thing or two about being afraid of someone else's feelings." Or mostly her own, because she's never been afraid of Quinn's feelings for her.

"I don't want him to think we're just discussing his business," Kurt points out.

"I can be strategic about it," Rachel says, smiling innocently. "I mean, I definitely don't want any part of our group being weird. Maybe there's a simple fix, because it's got to be awkward, right?" She meets his gaze. "I'm sorry. I didn't even ask. How has it been for you?"

"Pretty awful," he admits. "But I'm glad I know, at least, right? This way, I can move on. There's going to be like a million hot gay guys in New York, right?"

"Totally."

"I'm about to graduate. I shouldn't even want to start a new relationship now, right?"

"One hundred percent."

"I should go to New York free as bird, and just have the time of my life, right? Go to parties, make out with theatre majors, get my heart broken by an older TA, just the quintessential freshman year experience."

"Exactly."

He sighs, because it's obvious he doesn't believe his own words. Then he clears his throat. "So, what are the chances Quinn does the near impossible and scores a hat-trick against Mexico?"


Quinn does, in fact, score a hat-trick against Mexico.

What's more impressive about the feat is that she gets taken off in the sixtieth minute, having already secured the team victory, and spends the next half an hour sitting on the edge of her seat as she watches Luisa and Faye tear across the pitch like the heathens she knows they are.

Morgan is sitting beside her, and they both know that the pundits must be talking about Quinn. Which means that the camera is more likely focused on Quinn whenever the play on the field has stopped. She's going to have to get used to people just talking about her for at least the next decade and a half of her life.

If Quinn plays her cards right, the entire world is going to know her name.

Her new teammates tease her about it, sure, but they all already know that Quinn is meant for stardom in a way that not all the junior players are. After this tournament, many of them will end up ageing out and disappear into lives that have little to do with playing soccer at a national level. With the way Quinn is playing, there is absolutely no chance of her ever fading into obscurity.

It's probably why their coach has Quinn sit with both team captains during the pre-final press conference. Fans of the game are buzzing about her, the reporters desperately want access to her, and both Julie and Lindsey are all too willing to have Quinn take the brunt of the questions beyond the first few.

As this is her first international tournament, they ask her about how she's finding the experience. Quinn is very quick to thank the coaches and her teammates for being so welcoming. They ask about the goals she's already scored, and Quinn is once again quick to credit her team for making it easier for her.

"I think we've played quite well," Quinn says. "We've been able to try some new formations and strategies based on the teams we're playing, so I'm hopeful we can leave with the trophy on Sunday."

"Planning on another hat-trick?" one reporter asks, and Quinn lets out a little laugh.

"I think, as a striker, the goal is always to score as many goals as I can to be able to help the team," she says. "We know it's going to be a tough game, as any final in a major competition will be, so the most I'm hoping for is a good game, and a win."

Lindsey leans forward and says into her microphone, "But, yes, we're all hoping for another hat-trick," which gets a rumble of laughter out of the entire room.

Nobody asks Quinn about her father, or about her girlfriend, or about her mental health. In fact, they're surprisingly kind, and Quinn just knows they've been briefed about the questions they can ask an eighteen-year-old.

By the time they're all dismissed, Quinn still feels as if she's run a marathon. Lindsey throws an arm around Quinn's shoulders and says, "Those were the most diplomatic answers I've ever heard." She grinning when she lets Quinn go. "Just out of curiosity, is it because you're a politician's daughter?"

Quinn shrugs. "Maybe. Probably. I just - I guess I'm so used to hiding, you know? Nobody's supposed to know anything. Ever. You get used to saying the right words to make sure that never happens."

Julie looks over her shoulder at them. "That's going to be useful going forward," she says. "Because, and I don't say this lightly, Fabray, but if you thought the spotlight on you right now was big, it's going to be massive by the time you've scored your third goal on Sunday."

Quinn wants to roll her eyes and play it off, but both Lindsey and Julie are looking at her very seriously. That's the thing with her new teammates. They're a bit older, yes, but they've also been part of the national team's juggernaut for a lot longer. Quinn Fabray is shiny and new, but she's also good.

"People keep talking about it, but it's never going to happen," Quinn finally says, shaking her head. "And there's no way I can actually score a hat-trick against Canada."

Which are, of course, famous last words.


Holly tells Rachel first, mainly because she doesn't know how she's ever going to tell Quinn. She's a big enough person to admit when she needs help, and she knows that Rachel knows Quinn better than anyone else here - or anywhere.

It should be good news. It is good news. Unbelievable, life-changing news, but Holly can't say for sure that this is news that Quinn will immediately welcome. It'll anger her, and it'll hurt her, and Holly doesn't know how she's supposed to say the words to Quinn.

Which is why she tells Rachel first.

Rachel, who just stares at her for a full seven seconds before she starts to laugh. It's the dark kind, tinged with disbelief and a level of anger that Holly knows it for Quinn, and against the world. Just when they think they've got their obstacles sorted out, life adds more.

Rachel's laughter turns into sobs quite suddenly, her hands covering her face. Holly sits, waiting patiently, until Rachel says, "This is honestly so fucking absurd."

Holly would have to agree with her.

"She just won her first tournament, Dr Holly," Rachel says, wiping her eyes with her fingers. "She's at the top of the world. This is - it could really go one of two ways here."

"I know."

Rachel puffs out a breath. "Because it's also seriously fucking amazing."

"I know that, too."

Rachel sighs. "So. How do we tell her?"

"Well, I was kind of hoping you would help me with that?"


Holly is waiting for Quinn in front of the main building when Quinn arrives back at school. She's a little tired, maybe a little loopy from the trip, but she's aware enough to realise that Holly is standing out here for a reason.

It gets worse when Quinn spots Rachel standing just a few paces behind Holly, her expression unreadable but her body poised and ready to make her way towards Quinn. As soon as Holly says what she needs to.

Thankfully, Holly doesn't waste any time. In fact, all she says is, "Quinn, welcome back," and then, "I have some news."

Quinn shifts her weight from her left foot to her right, waiting for the ball to drop.

"You asked me to find out all I could about Frannie; about what happened after," Holly says, which are words Quinn didn't expect her to say. "And I did. Like your mother said, they did send her away, to a hospice facility in Massachusetts to see out the rest of her days."

Quinn still burns with rage that they did such a thing. How could they just leave her? Quinn, sure, but Frannie? She suspects they must have already switched off all emotion at that point.

Holly steps forward, arm outstretched, as if she's preparing for something. She glances behind her at Rachel for a moment, as if checking in with her. "Quinn," she says. "Look at me."

Quinn looks at her.

Holly is quiet for a moment, eyes just on Quinn. She knows she's about to change Quinn's life, and she can only hope it'll be a good thing.

"Just tell me," Quinn says, physically bracing herself.

"She didn't die there, Quinn," Holly says, her tone heavy. "Not in Massachusetts. Not anywhere. Quinn, listen to me. I don't know how to - " she stops, looking over her shoulder once more. Then she says them; the words that change Quinn's life. "She didn't die, Quinn. Your sister is still alive."