Alfred wasn't stupid. He was just happy-go-lucky or whatever people used to describe him that wasn't 'airhead' or 'dolt' or something slightly offensive. He instinctively reached out to steady his friend when he stumbled, but he very quickly picked up there was more to it. When Matthew started freaking out Alfred started thinking about reasons why.

Alfred said his birthday and then Matthew reacted. Maybe someone died on that day? He never did talk about a 'Mama'... Or maybe he just remembered something that was triggered by those completely random words. What would a date make him remember? Alfred's mind quickly entertained all sorts of ideas, but he knew there was only one logical one. His gut churned with conviction.

"That's your birthday too, isn't it?" He felt weird. Something wasn't right. That feeling grew bigger as Matthew wordlessly nodded.

Alfred burst out laughing as his brain short-circuited and couldn't get any words out. He wanted to say "What are the chances" and "What the fuck" but all that came out was a garbled mess. Something that usually happened when he was too caught up in crazy excitement to say all the words he wanted one at a time, but sometimes when he was nervous.

So instead of trying to make garbled words form in his awkward mouth and heavy tongue, he shook Matthew who was staring off with calculating intensity. Upon being startled Matthew made a garbled word that could've been French if it wasn't for his frustrated and confused reaction. He kept stuttering in failed sentences as he quickly got worked up at not being able to speak as he made connections faster than he could think.

Huh, Alfred thought he was the only one who occasionally lost speech.

"Hold on," Alfred slurred as he slowed his thoughts down and spoke deliberately. "We need to eliminate that this isn't a coincidence."

Because hey, it could be. Even if he knew it wasn't, it still felt like it was.

Matthew said some more stuttered speech, half of it was intelligible and frantic but Alfred got the jist from his tone that Matthew believed there was more going on too.

"Alfred, do you know what this means?! Two coincidences aren't a coincidence! We look exactly the same and now we have the same birthday!"

"Hold on," Alfred said again and looked around. He saw what would've been the perfect spon a moment ago, but now he had new priorities. He sat down on a large root sticking out of the ground and put his stuff down. Matthew followed but didn't sit, instead pacing back and forth as he muttered to himself. It was in English and French, but from his haste, Alfred could tell it was butchered as he kept cutting himself off with each new thought. Too preoccupied with threading the thought in a way that could be understood to keep it in one language.

Meanwhile, Alfred had lost all of his energy as he slumped and froze while his brain worked overtime. Two coincidences weren't impossible, right? What if it was a coincidence that it was a coincidence? ...But what if it wasn't a coincidence? What would the implication be then? That they were related? Alfred swallowed thickly as he thought about how impossible that would be. But what about the conclusion here? All he had to do was work backwards from what they knew to get to a reasonable explanation, right? He realised he was zoning out when Matthew was looking at him expectantly.

"What?"

"This can't be a coincidence, you know that right?." Matthew's quiet and pleading voice was barely audible over the rain.

"I mean it can be," Alfred laughed flatly. "The chances would be really really low but it's possible right? Like, a 1 in 365 chance that we share a birthday."

Listening to himself he thought back to the 5 stages of grief he joked about on the first day. Hearing himself speak it sounded like denial, but what was he even grieving about? They hadn't even confirmed that they were related and their entire lives had been a lie!

Shit, that would be worth grieving.

"Let's just share what we know so we're 100% sure. Then we'll look at all the evidence and see if-

"Alfred, you were born on the 17th of February in London, England. We're both 15 years old so obviously we were born in the same year at the same place. We both look alike and we both need to wear glasses-" Matthew looked like he was struck with something as he lunged forward and snatched Alfred's glasses from his face and replaced them with his own.

"What the fuck?" Alfred exclaimed before he realised. "What the fuck?"

Their prescription was the same. Huh.

"This is what I thought," Matthew's voice was frantic as he pushed Alfred's glasses on his face. "Is that enough coincidences for you? Enough information to prove that something bigger than us has been kept from us from all this time?"

"Yeah I'm just finding it hard to believe," Alfred heard himself say conversationally despite the pieces falling into place and his world crumbling. He didn't quite feel in his body as he juggled the information. So Matthew was born on the same day, in the same place, and was so physically similar to him... he could be his twin. But his dad would've told him if he had a twin, right? Who the fuck was he kidding, his dad didn't tell him shit.

Alfred's brain was filling with fog as he gnawed at his lip. Then he noticed Matthew was still pacing in circles and breathing rapidly.

"Uh, Mattie? You alright?"

"I'm fine," he snapped but his furrowed eyebrows gave away how distracted he was as he kept biting his fingers.

"Uh, I don't think so. Did you wanna come sit next to me?" Alfred made some space beside him and patted it.

"No, I'm just getting worked up, it'll go away." Matthew shook his head hard and Alfred thought about forcibly making the jittery boy sit down.

"Uh, if you say so."

"How can you be so calm about this?" Matthew was acting unhinged.

Alfred felt his body shrug, but it didn't really register. He didn't actually feel calm. He didn't know what he felt.

Matthew's voice was every bit as callous as Alfred's when he was speaking too quickly about something he was too excited about, only the tone was filled with desperation. "We've been lied to our whole lives and for what? We're twins Alfred! You are my brother and I am your brother and for whatever fucking reason Papa never fucking told me and why? Merde-"

Wow, that was the first time Alfred heard Matthew swear. Matthew's rant dissolved into words he couldn't understand as he stopped directing it at Alfred and started holding his head in his hands. Alfred didn't know what was going on, only that it was something serious. He maneuvered Matthew by the shoulders to slide down the tree into a sitting position and sat on the wet dirty ground in front of him as his thoughts started to teeter towards what this discovery meant-

He'd much rather be distracted with helping his friend, (-maybe brother-) and be a hero than think about whatever mess they just uncovered.

Matthew had his eyes screwed shut and hands were pulling on his hair but at least he was breathing better and not rambling. Alfred reached forward and patted him on the back.

"Feelin' better?"

"No," Matthew's eyes were unfocused as he slumped into the tree.

"Yeah me neither," Alfred said bitterly. Seriously, why did his dad not tell him he had a literal brother? Much less a twin! Hey-!

"I remember once I asked why all my Dad's siblings were in Britain but he and my aunt lived in the same area. You know what he fucking told me? He said 'Twins are a package deal and he couldn't live without her.' And then he what? Thought that if he never told me I'd be just fine?"

Matthew's face darkened. "Papa says he misses his sister all the time. If he knew what it feels like then why would he do the same to us?"

"Those assholes probably thought that if we never knew, we couldn't be upset about it!" Alfred glowered and crossed his arms before something hit him. "Wait, who's our mum?"

Matthew looked at him with perplexion and Alfred hastily explained what he was asking.

"Cus I mean I have a dad and you have a dad and we have no other parents... the math ain't mathing. Uh, does that mean they're both not our real dads? Were we adopted? Like I have a singular dad and you have a singular dad? But I don't know who would adopt a singular twin, that's really cruel, y'know."

"Didn't your dad tell you?" Matthew shook his head and Alfred did the same cus, uh no, what didn't his dad tell him? "Our dads were together-"

"Wait, really?!" Alfred gasped. "Like, together together? They knew each other? Like a couple!? So we are adopted! Wait, what-?""

"Yeah together," Matthew said slowly, like he couldn't believe it himself. "Papa never talked much about him so I don't really know him but they were together-"

"Waitwaitwait, so, just to check, they were GAY?" Alfred was in shock.

"Maybe, there's more than just gay, but uh, I guess your dad never told you any of this?"

"Nuh uh, imma need you to tell me everything! Please spill the tea!"

"I'm trying. They were together and they couldn't apply for adoption so they struck an offer with your dad's twin sister... uhh. So my Papa is the father and your father is our uncle and his sister is biologically our mum-"

Alfred's brain broke.

"Ok-aaay, what the fuck, what the fuck. And my dad is my uncle, what. the. fuck. Wait. Does that mean, my aunt uh, mum, and your dad who is also my dad, what the fuck, did the... y'know... Well, I guess we're not adopted otherwise we'd have more secret parents! Why aren't you freaking out?!"

"I always knew all this," Matthew shrugged. "And they didn't do the deed, Papa told me it was all professional."

"Okay, but still though," Alfred's voice was creeping higher and higher as he kept thinking about, what the fuck, his life had become. "But why aren't you freaking out?"

"I just did," Matthew said flatly. "I'm freaking out on the inside, though."

Right, Alfred forgot how expressive Matthew was internally. He just expected this situation to be the exception.

"Fuck, this is gonna take ages for me to get used to," Alfred muttered and Matthew agreed.

"So at some point, they broke up?" Alfred clarified.

Matthew nodded and Alfred kept thinking. "Do you know why?"

"Not really. Papa and I were super close but he never talked about it much... maybe he just couldn't stand your dad, I don't know."

Alfred couldn't hide his disappointment.

"Yeah, I bet my dad couldn't stand yours either. No wonder he hates French peopl- But hey! I just had a theory about why they literally lied to us our entire lives! Have you ever seen Despicable Me 3? Gru's parents split and never wanted to see each other again so they agreed to have a twin each and never bother each other! Urgh, when I said I wanted my life to be a movie I didn't mean this. Also, you're my brother. That's weird. Fuck, now I'm freaking out. It's my turn to go crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once!"

Alfred started laughing uncontrollably and his eyes began to water while Matthew stared at him. Alfred slapped a hand over his mouth as it just made him laugh harder. Fuck, he knew there was something wrong with him but apparently, that started with his parents. His aunt is his mum. Fuck.

"No, I'm not okay. If I don't laugh I'll cry. Come on Mattie, don't you see how funny this is?"

Matthew's weary eyes were answer enough and Alfred screwed his face up bitterly as the laughter shook him. Because it was funny.

"What the fuck are we gonna do?" His voice broke and sounded bitter. "We can't trust our parents. Even you, who was bosom buddies with your dad until this but they hid the truth from us and kept us from each other! And they kept us from our other parent! Also! My other parent is a man! Dad let me think all my life I had a mum but I don't! Fuck! Also, if your dad is my dad then why couldn't I get a dad who actually likes to hang out with me!"

Alfred cut himself off before he voiced all of his bitter thoughts. Like why did Dad pick him if sometimes it didn't even seem like he wanted him! Matthew's Papa was his dad too and because of his dad-uncle he didn't get to meet him. Isn't that funny?

"Well I'd love to have met Dad too," Matthew whispered. "Even if Papa didn't like him, doesn't mean he didn't have to keep him out of my life too. I always wondered about him ever since Papa told me a little about what happened."

"At least your dad told you." Alfred's laughter was dying down as he ran out of air. But isn't it funny that he had two parents this whole time but his selfish dad made him think that he only had the one that hardly cared! "I thought my mum died in childbirth and just never wanted to talk about it but apparently reality is stranger than fiction because my aunt is my mum! And your mum too!"

They sat there in silence for a few moments as the pain settled between them and the steady rain calmed them.

"Hey," Alfred suddenly had his typical enthusiasm back when had an idea. A desperate one. "We're here now aren't we! Sure it's a little weird that y'know, we're literally related. You're my brother, I'm your brother, geez that's just not computing. But anyway, we have the rest of camp to catch up on all the years you lost!"

"I'd like that," Matthew said hesitantly. "But what about after the camp? We'd have to separate and go back home... I don't want to split up again and... I want to get to know Dad too."

"Pfft, you can have him," Alfred scoffed. "I wish I had some time with Papa, even if he's French. Maybe we can show each other photos and descri-"

Alfred wanted to facepalm when something jolted through him like lightning.

"I just had the best idea!"

Alfred was practically buzzing with energy as he jumped up and his movements grew frantic. The tell-tale signs of a perfect idea. Alfred often had good ideas, sometimes great, but when a perfect idea had him in a chokehold, it physically possessed him and he was obsessed with making it work.

"Alright, so I'm pissed off at Dad and you're pissed off at Papa. They don't know that we've met. I wanna meet Papa and you wanna meet Dad cus we've been deprived all our lives. What I'm thinking is that we commit identity theft and we do a little switch-a-roo and we go make up for lost time!"

Alfred could immediately see his pitch was a success when Matthew thought about it and a smile crept on his face. Forget getting him to agree to such paling in comparison pranks, this was the endgame.

"What better way to get to know someone than by impersonating them. We'll make up for lost time- not that we can make up for 15 years but we can try! But we'll get super close like how- fuck we're twins! We'll get close like how literal fucking twins should be and we'll know each other so well we'll be able to switch no problem and then we can go meet our other parent!"

Alfred, for all his wisdom and preparedness, lamented leaving his phone in the cabin. Without either phone, he couldn't immediately show what Dad looked like and Matthew couldn't immediately show him what Papa looked like. Not that the middle of the rain was the best place to do this, but he really couldn't wait. Alfred was also struggling with his other parent being a man after wondering about his mum his entire life, but it was even weirder that he was called 'Papa'.

Did that make him some little French boy? That did not suit him at all. Matthew could pull it off, but not him.

Matthew was his twin. TWIN. BROTHER. He had a SIBLING.

They ended up doing what they set out to do. The boys took an impromptu outdoor shower as they schemed.

"We can't let anyone learn about what we figured out. I don't want any loose ends." Alfred said cryptically as he stood under a branch that streamlined the water like a shower. Hopefully, it would make him smell nice and like nature or something. "Shit! Every time you called him! You didn't say anything to your dad, did you? Ugh, our dad. Papa?"

Matthew's eyes bulged as he remembered all the times he spoke with his father over the phone. A tense moment passed.

"No, no I didn't. I mean, I mentioned having friends but I don't think I ever said names."

They both breathed a sigh of relief.

"We'll need a private place to scheme to keep this a secret. We could always get sent to the naughty cabin. Which is basically just a get-along cabin used to punish kids that fight, as long as the fight is petty I guess and they shouldn't be kept apart for a genuine reason."

"Uh, I'd rather avoid that," Matthew admitted as he worked product through his hair. "Can't we just talk when no one's around?"

"Yeah I suppose that can work. We'll have to reconsider the naughty cabin as a last resort though."

Matthew grimaced and Alfred tried not to feel guilty. He'd rather not make his literal twin brother Matthew uncomfortable and trigger anxiety by causing a scene to get them stuck in the naughty cabin.

Wait... was mental illness genetic? His fucking dad! Uncle! Fuck! Fuck him though for what he did to his literal twin!

Maybe he could just ask Elizabeta to move them to their own cabin because Yao snores or something. He would do what he must to ensure that he can go through with his plan.

"I gotta ask just how far you're willing to go. I don't know about you but I'm willing to get as much time as possible and take this to the bitter end."

"I want to do this more than anything, but what do you mean by 'how far'?"

"Well if we're super good at this they might never realise and summer break will end and we'll have to go to school with each other. And by bitter end, I just mean I'm going to dig my heels in and do everything I can to keep the charade up. I dunno, I just thought it was self-explanatory."

Matthew was thoughtful for a moment.

"I don't know about school. I don't mind if you go to school as me. It's not a place I really care about. But I'm sure you'll want to get back in time for school, right?"

"Pfft, nah. I don't care too much about my grades so that doesn't matter and if you mean socially, I think you can handle it. I'm prepared to not talk to my friends for a while if that means I get a trip to Ottawa and hang with Papa."

Because his twin brother lived in a literal other country. TWIN BROTHER. This morning he was a lonely only child. Fuck.

Matthew looked really apprehensive at that. Sure, they had their differences. Alfred could picture Matthew being nice to the NPC's in video games because he didn't want to offend them (Alfred really did understand that, but at the same time brutally murdering NPCs was so fun! Great, now he was sad he couldn't play games with Matthew). But he could probably picture Matthew taking his frustration out on the NPCs if he thought they deserved it or he had a bad say. Anyway, Alfred had introverted friends and there isn't really a difference beyond how people recharge. As long as Matthew wanted to talk to someone, aka Alfred's friends, he'd be able to do it and enjoy it. Hopefully. Alfred would just have to give his as much information on his friends as possible so Matthew would be up to it and feel in control.

"Relax, we still got some weeks of summer break before school. You'll be so used to playing me that you'll find it easy peasy lemon squeezy. Plus we'll tell each other how to play the part. And we'll still be in contact but we'll have to be super careful."

His eyes widened when he realised how much planning they had to do! Alfred was looking forward to it so much!

"We'll spend the rest of the camp tutoring each other in how to impersonate each other and we gotta learn all about each other's lives, geez we gotta do a lot. Don't worry though, we'll sort it out. But most important is that we'll have fun. Come on Mattie, whatever it takes! To the bitter end right?"

"Yeah, whatever it takes." Matthew had a look of cold hard determination on his face that invigorated Alfred.

"Hell yeah, that's what I'm talking about." Alfred jumped out of the rain and grabbed his towel. "Let's get scheming already!"