August 31, 1995
True to his word, Arthur kept quiet about Mariah and Sirius's visit to the Ministry, but Molly had found Mariah's badge in a dustbin later that week and given her the full extent of her wrath, combined with the belated admonishment for joining the advance guard when she barely knew how to fly a broomstick. Mariah had since taken to sneaking food and butterbeer up to her room in the early morning hours and avoiding the rest of the house, lest she run into Molly unexpectedly.
The result was that she often spotted Sirius's lights on in his room late at night. Although he had managed to put on a good face in the aftermath of Harry's hearing, he had since sunk into a depression that kept him locked up in his mother's room with Buckbeak or pacing his own room all hours of the day and night. The few times Fred and George had brought by magical contraband from the decontamination efforts for Mariah to keep stashed away for them, they had told her about Molly's growing frustration with his sulking.
"She thinks he'd have been happier if Harry were expelled," said Fred.
"And she's probably not wrong," said George. "If just to have a friend around the house during the school months."
"No offense," said Fred, gesturing to Mariah, who rolled her eyes. "But you're not exactly a friend, you're more of a dramatic sidekick."
"Lupin's a friend," observed George. "Though he does spend a lot of time in Sirius's room."
"More than you do," said Fred, looking at Mariah. "Are they just close friends? Or could it be…"
"...something more," finished George.
"I think we're done here," said Mariah, and the twins grinned at her.
"We'll be grabbing that from you tomorrow morning before we leave, make sure everything's asleep for long enough for us to get it to school," said Fred, gesturing at the case.
"You want to bring that to school?" repeated Mariah.
"Do you want to take care of it for us all year?" asked George. Mariah shook her head.
"Fine," she said. George stood up from where he had been leaning on her case of butterbeer and stretched.
"I can't wait to leave this house," he said. "No more Sirius's screaming mum, no more our screaming mum, no more Kreacher…"
"Are you staying?" asked Fred, looking at Mariah. "Thought there was a chance you might just be here for Harry. Don't you have a home?"
"Not sure yet. Might stick around," said Mariah.
The truth was, her patience was wearing thin with Grimmauld Place. She had caught herself more than once debating a trip home just to exist in a space with windows, where the cupboards didn't try to kill her, and where the floors were new and clean. But despite Sirius maintaining the distance between them, and despite Harry's impending return to school, she still felt a responsibility to stay. After all, he had said back in spring that he needed her. She knew that once the kids had returned to school, Arthur and Molly would return home to The Burrow, leaving the house empty save for Sirius and her. She wondered if Sirius had thought about that.
On the last evening before the return to Hogwarts, Molly had arranged a party to celebrate Ron and Hermione's prefect appointments, and Mariah had showered for the first time in several days to make sure she looked presentable before heading down at a reasonable hour.
The party was in full swing by the time she got to the basement, and Molly was in such a good mood that she offered her a drink right as she entered. Sirius and Remus were with Kingsley and Tonks in the corner, and Molly had just welcomed Moody in from the hall. The room was loud with a dozen echoing conversations bouncing off of the walls in all directions.
"Desk in the corner?" Moody was saying. "Yeah, I see it. . . . Yeah, it's a boggart. . . . Want me to go up and get rid of it, Molly?'
'No, no, I'll do it myself later,' said Molly cheerfully. "You have your drink. We're having a little bit of a celebration, actually. Fourth prefect in the family!" She ruffled Ron's hair.
"Prefect, eh?" said Moody. "Well, congratulations. Authority figures always attract trouble, but I suppose Dumbledore thinks you can withstand most major jinxes or he wouldn't have appointed you."
Mariah spotted Arthur and Bill entering the room, and smiled automatically when Bill caught her eye. She felt her smile freeze, however, as he headed in her direction.
"Congrats on your brother, Bill," she said, cheersing him with her bottle. Bill raised his own bottle and clinked hers.
"Cheers," he said, drinking from it. "But I wanted to talk to you."
"Oh boy," muttered Mariah.
"Roxana is going to be in Amsterdam for a short transaction in a few weeks," said Bill in a lower voice, so that Mariah had to lean in to hear him. "I'd like to bring you along, in case I can't convince her on my own."
"Do you really think I'm necessary to this mission?" asked Mariah. "I haven't seen my mum in like fifteen years."
"I wouldn't ask if I didn't think it was important," said Bill. "If it helps, I can put in a good word for you with Mum once it's over."
Mariah sighed, and sipped her butterbeer. There was no easy way out of this, it seemed.
"Write it down as an enthusiastic yes," she said dryly. Bill grinned.
"I'll put it in the report," he said. "Thank you, by the way. I know it's not the easiest thing for you."
"There are harder things," said Mariah, taking a longer drink. "I'll just try to remember what they are before we go." Bill put a hand on her shoulder encouragingly, then left to congratulate Ron on his badge.
"Mariah!" hissed a voice very suddenly, and Mariah choked on her drink. Fred and George were next to her, their hands cupped tightly around something. "Is your room locked?"
"N-no. What is that?" asked Mariah in a whisper.
"Venomous tentacula seeds. Got 'em off Mundungus."
"Yeah alright, just make sure–" started Mariah, but the twins were off up the stairs. Mariah glanced around, relieved to see Molly looking the other way, but she caught the tail end of Moody glancing her way with his magical eye and walked over to Remus and Sirius to blend in better.
"I just don't understand why Dumbledore didn't make Potter a prefect," Kingsley was saying.
"He'll have his reasons," said Remus.
"But it would've shown confidence in him. It's what I'd have done," said Kingsley. "'Specifically with the Daily Prophet having a go at him every few days…"
"Maybe it's for the greater good," muttered Sirius sarcastically, taking a drink. Remus glanced at him.
"Take care, there, Sirius, that savors strongly of bitterness," said Kingsley, laughing. Sirius held up his hands innocently.
"I'm just saying, Dumbledore likes to play the parent to all of us, but the favorite child will always be the bigger picture," said Sirius.
"Take it easy, won't you?" muttered Remus, patting him on the shoulder swiftly.
Mariah caught Sirius's eye and grinned, lifting her bottle to take another drink, but it was empty. She left the three of them to grab another butterbeer, but when she turned to return to the party, she was surprised to find Harry waiting behind her.
"Oh, Harry, I didn't see you there," she said, as her heart rate returned to normal. "Congratulations again on uh...your hearing." She took a drink quickly. She had forgotten that the party was to celebrate Ron and Hermione. "I knew you'd be alright."
"Er...thanks," said Harry. Mariah suddenly wondered if he had just been in line for butterbeer, and felt stupid for speaking to him. Harry interrupted this short thought process, however, by leaning in and speaking in a lower tone. "Er...I've been meaning to thank you. For sneaking him in before the hearing. It helped, seeing him."
"Don't tell Molly or she may incinerate me," said Mariah.
"Mr. Weasley said you came to the courtroom," said Harry.
"We may have gotten lost looking for the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes," said Mariah. "Maybe don't tell Molly that either."
"Thanks for bringing him," said Harry. "Really."
"Yeah," said Mariah, shifting awkwardly.
"And I'm sorry for what I said," he said. "Back in March. I didn't mean it."
"No, no. It's alright for you to be pissed at me. You have every right," said Mariah quickly. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. I shouldn't have...shouldn't have said what I said to you. Those things...they weren't meant for you." She lifted her bottle to take another drink, but stopped, searching for her next words. "I'm going to try to be better, and to be there for you from now on," she said. "But it's alright if you still hate me."
"I don't hate you," said Harry, running a hand through his hair. "It's just...I'm just disappointed is all."
Mariah nodded silently. Harry didn't say anything more. They stood in awkward silence until–
"Potter," a harsh voice called, and they turned to see Moody beckoning him over. "Come here, I've got something that might interest you."
Harry and Mariah exchanged one last look before he walked over to the table where Moody was holding a photo out for him to see. A moment later, Sirius was beside her, discarding his empty bottle and grabbing a fresh one.
"That looked like progress," he said. Mariah shrugged, tearing lightly at the wrapper on the neck of her bottle.
"Only time will tell," she sighed. Sirius took a drink of his butterbeer, looking at her.
"Can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked, jerking his head at the door. Mariah nodded, and Sirius led the way out of the basement up the stairwell.
He led her past the portrait of his mother into the empty dining room, closing the glass doors behind them. He pulled out a chair for her before taking a seat himself, clasping his hands in front of him on the table and running his thumbs over one another tensely before speaking.
"So, first of all I want to thank you for the other day," he said. "Glimpse or not, getting out of this house was the fucking best thing to happen in months. And also thanks for not ratting me out to Molly when she busted you."
"No problem," said Mariah, feeling a small flutter of elation.
"Second of all…" he continued, taking a deep breath, "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I think you should divorce me."
Mariah stared at him, her heart plummeting sharply.
"What?"
"They shouldn't give you trouble about it," Sirius went on quickly. "I know that normally both parties have to consent, but they won't fault you for trying to divorce a murderer on the run."
"Where is this coming from?" asked Mariah. Sirius sighed.
"It is clearly doing you no favors to be known as the wife of Notorious Mass-Murderer Sirius Black while I am still 'at large,' and if you divorced me, that would at least show on paper some effort to dissociate from me," he said. "The Ministry has blacklisted you from employment. The jury is still out on whether or not St. Mungo's will take you back, and you've worked there forever. And I swear to Merlin if your only option is to take that job with Lovell –"
"Of course I'm not taking that job!" protested Mariah.
"But you shouldn't feel backed into a situation where you might have to," continued Sirius, speaking over her. He fell silent at the sound of a creaking stair. Someone was leaving the basement. They both sat quietly, waiting until the footsteps had continued up to the second floor before he continued. "The fact of the matter is that unless we defeat Voldemort and expose Peter, I'm stuck inside this house. You shouldn't feel obligated to stay stuck in this house because of me."
"I made a choice to be here with you," whispered Mariah forcefully. "Divorcing you won't magically fix my life."
Sirius ran his hand through his hair, sighing before he spoke again.
"...Look, I don't want you to feel beholden to me because of a decision we made when we were 18."
"What are you saying?" asked Mariah.
"I'm saying that our marriage was an agreement we made a long time ago, I mean, we were teenagers. We didn't know anything. I just don't see any point in hanging onto it anymore if all it's doing is getting in the way," said Sirius in a lower voice. "We haven't even been together for fifteen years, and you've already moved on, anyway. You've had a career, you've had other men–"
"I knew you hadn't forgiven me for the Remus thing!" exclaimed Mariah, and Sirius shushed her.
"We are long-since square on the Remus thing, okay? Calm down," he said in a low voice. Mariah frowned.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked. Sirius rolled his eyes, shrugging. Mariah gaped at him. "What...have you been...have you been sleeping with him?" she exclaimed. "While I've been here?" Sirius shushed her again.
"It was before you moved in," he said shortly. Mariah was speechless.
"I can't believe you slept with him," she said numbly. Sirius shook his head, pointing at her.
"Pot, kettle, Jaeger. You were in bed with him the minute you found out I was innocent, not to mention out of Azkaban. You have no room to play the victim now. But it doesn't even matter! It's long been over between us anyway, don't you see?" he insisted in a whisper. "There's nothing to lose, Mariah, you don't have my name, we don't share any property, we never had any kids. What's the point in holding onto something that's been dead for years if it's just dragging both of us down?"
Mariah realized she was gripping the edge of her chair so hard her knuckles were white.
"Let's just get one thing straight," she said, feeling hollow. "If this thing of ours is dead, it's because you gave up on it, not me. Trust me, I tried to forget and move on. I came so close so many times, but I could never go through with it because despite everything I still love you." She broke off, her mouth dry. The words were foreign coming out of her mouth, it had been so long since she had last spoken them. She glared at Sirius. "If you don't love me anymore, I wish you'd just say it."
"Love has nothing to do with it," said Sirius darkly. They held eye contact for a few tense moments before Sirius sighed, running a hand over his face. "Look, just think about it, okay?" he said. Mariah didn't answer. Sirius rose to his feet and pushed in his chair, leaving her alone in the dining room. It was a full ten minutes before Mariah finally finished her butterbeer, stood, and followed him.
At the bottom of the basement stair, Mariah could see Sirius, Remus, and Moody poring over Moody's photo, and felt suddenly sick. The idea of looking into the eyes of her dead friends in Moody's photo was one unpleasant prospect she no longer held the stamina for, and the sight of Sirius and Remus together still caused her stomach to lurch from the shock of information. There was no way she could go back in there and pretend to celebrate Ron and Hermione. Instead, she turned and headed instead back up the stairs.
Mariah continued up the main staircase, her hopeful feeling from earlier that day utterly extinguished. She felt exhausted, but her anxieties were luckily cushioned for the moment by the pleasant drunk buzzing that was screening out most of her darker thoughts. She remembered her smuggled cases of butterbeer upstairs and felt relieved that soon she would be further immersed in that pleasant buzzing and far from the dark, dismal house.
A faint sound made her stop as she neared the first floor landing. A whimpering sound. Mariah reached for her wand, peering into the drawing room as she reached the top of the stairs.
She recognized Harry from the back by his disheveled hair, and quickly stepped forward, her eyes flicking to a body on the floor.
It was Ron, and he was dead.
Mariah stared, but at that moment a figure deeper in the room said in a shaky, weak voice, "R-r-riddikulus," and the body of Ron became the body of Bill very suddenly.
"Mrs. Weasley," said Harry in a dry voice, and Mariah realized who was in the room.
'The boggart in the writing desk…' she thought, watching as the body of Bill became the body of Arthur, the body of Fred and George, Percy, and then Harry. Mariah stepped forward, pushing the living Harry back with one arm. "Get back. Riddikulus!"
Several things happened at once.
Harry's body vanished from the floor, replaced instead with a bundle of blankets and the sound of a crying baby. Mariah froze, her wand at the ready. Her mind was blank, her eyes transfixed on the bundle. The words to the spell had died on her tongue and she found herself completely transported, unable to move. Behind her, several sets of footsteps thundered up the stairs, and she heard someone say "What's going on?"
The next moment, someone had taken her gently by the shoulders and pulled her back from the room, and Remus stepped in front of her, his wand firmly outstretched.
"Riddikulus," he said solidly, and the crying stopped, the bundle of blankets vanished, and a silvery orb hung in the air before Remus before vanishing in a puff of smoke.
Mariah heard Molly begin to cry in the drawing room, and Remus approached her, helping her to her feet.
"Molly don't, it was just a boggart, just a stupid boggart," he said consolingly as she cried into his shoulder.
Mariah looked at the floor where the bundle had been, still feeling very shaken. She noticed her wand lying on the floor. She didn't remember dropping it.
"Are you alright?" asked a voice in her ear, and she looked around to see Sirius holding her shoulders. Some of her numbness melted into shame, and hurt.
"Fine. I'm fine," she said, shrugging him off. She bent to retrieve her wand, but Harry got it for her, handing it to her. She pocketed it numbly.
"Harry, I'm so sorry. What must you think of me," Molly was saying. "Not even able to get rid of a boggart…"
"Don't be stupid," said Harry kindly.
"I'm just s-s-so worried. Half the f-f-family's in the Order, it'll be a miracle if we all come through this...and P-P-Percy's not talking to us…What if something d-d-dreadful happens and we've never m-m-made it up to him? And what's going to happen if Arthur and I get killed, who's g-g-going to look after Ron and Ginny?" Molly sobbed.
"Molly, that's enough," said Remus. "This isn't like last time. The Order are better prepared, we've got a head start, we know what Voldemort's up to– oh, Molly, come on, it's about time you got used to hearing his name. Look, I can't promise no one's going to get hurt, nobody can promise that, but we're much better off than we were last time. You weren't in the Order then, you don't understand. Last time we were outnumbered twenty to one by Death Eaters and they were picking us off one by one–"
"Don't worry about Percy," said Sirius. "He'll come round. It's only a matter of time before Voldemort moves into the open; once he does, the whole Ministry's going to be begging us to forgive them. And I'm not sure I'll be accepting their apology."
"And as for who's going to look after Ron and Ginny if you and Arthur died, what do you think we'd do, let them starve?" asked Remus.
"Being silly," said Molly, wiping her eyes again, but smiling.
Mariah waited until Remus and Sirius were fully concerned with Molly before slipping away up the rest of the stairs to her room. Something raw and inconsolable deep within her had rent itself free of the dampers the alcohol had provided, and she wanted to be alone when it consumed her.
