November 3, 1995

12 Grimmauld Place seemed smaller after several months away. Mariah Apparated to the front doorstep, nearly tripping as her foot caught the top of the stair. She steadied herself, reaffirming her grip on her bag of gifts before opening the door as quietly as she could.

The hallway was quiet, but she could hear the distant sounds of voices and glasses coming from the kitchen, and headed that way.

"The mudblood mistress is back again," muttered Kreacher as she passed the staircase. Mariah looked at him.

"That's mudblood wife," she said, and Kreacher looked affronted. Mariah grinned to herself as she descended to the kitchen, feeling better than she had during those long dark summer weeks at the Order headquarters.

There was no Order meeting tonight, but her attendance was still necessary. Mariah had tossed back a pregame butterbeer to stem the anxiety before leaving home. After all, she had not so much as spoken to Sirius since their fight two months prior. But today was his birthday, and she needed to be there.

A small cheer erupted when Mariah entered the kitchen, bolstered by the label on the bottle she produced from her bag and set on the table. Kingsley, Bill, and Tonks were there, along with Remus and Mundungus Fletcher, and, to Mariah's surprise, Molly and Arthur Weasley. Molly had baked a cake. Sirius sat at the table with a slice of cake and a glass of what Mariah assumed to be Firewhiskey, listening, amused, to something Mundungus was telling him with a great deal of hand gesturing. He looked paler and thinner than she remembered, but he was grinning at Mundungus.

"I hope that's not what I think it is," said Mariah as Mundungus mimed a particularly forceful action.

"Depends," said Sirius. "What do you think it is?"

"I'm not answering that," said Mariah, reaching in her bag and taking out a small box with a bow on it. "Happy birthday, Sirius."

"What?" said Sirius, grinning. He opened the box, withdrawing a small flat plastic object with some confusion. "What sort of contraption is this, Jaeger?"

"It's a CD player," said Mariah, taking it from him. "Like a portable record player."

"Why not just shrink a record player?" asked Sirius, watching Mariah as she pulled a pair of headphones out of the box along with a CD and batteries, assembling the package together.

"Because now you can blast the volume without setting off your mother's portrait," she said, reaching over and putting the headphones onto his head. She pressed play and watched Sirius's face light up.

"Excellent...this is that band you showed me back when…" he hesitated, but Mariah nodded, waving off the pause.

"Yeah, The Clash," she said.

"What? Cash?" asked Mundungus. Sirius started to correct him, yelling slightly over the headphones, but at that moment Arthur Weasley realized what they were doing and descended upon them in a whirlwind of excited questions.

It was a good party, to Mariah's surprise. Molly wasn't being nice so much as tolerant to Sirius, but it made a difference, and Mariah found it easy for the first time in months to speak casually to Remus, as though he hadn't slept with both her and her husband.

Eventually those who worked at the Ministry trickled out for an early night, followed shortly after by Molly and a very inebriated Arthur Weasley who was still talking to Mundungus about the difference between AA and AAA batteries. Sirius offered Mundungus a room for the night, and he slipped upstairs an hour later, leaving Remus, Sirius, and Mariah alone.

Mariah was relieved at the lack of animosity amongst them, herself included. It was the first time in a long time she felt at ease to be herself, and it was almost as though they were back at school, the firelight casting a reddish glow onto the carpet so that it nearly looked like the Gryffindor common room if she squinted her eyes to tiny slits.

"What about the tunnel to Hogsmeade?" Remus was saying, as Mariah emerged from her stupor to listen again.

"I dunno, maybe," said Sirius. "Myrtle's bathroom?"

"Do you think Myrtle can keep a secret?" asked Remus.

"Well from what I heard she had an entire chamber of them," said Sirius, laughing dryly.

"Technically no–" started Remus.

"What are we talking about?" asked Mariah.

"Oh, where's a big enough room in Hogwarts for Harry and his friend to do Defense Against the Dark Arts training without being caught by Umbridge," said Sirius.

"Harry's doing DADA training in secret?" asked Mariah.

"Oh, that's right, you don't know yet," said Sirius. "They've formed a secret society."

"That boy is going to get himself expelled at this rate," said Mariah. "Between the detentions and the sneaking…"

"Don't be so sure. It was Hermione's idea, apparently," said Remus.

Mariah blinked."Wow."

"Yeah, it's serious," said Sirius. "I paid them another little visit in the Floo Network and Umbitch nearly grabbed me."

"What?" said Mariah, alarmed.

"She must be watching all communication in and out of the castle," said Remus. "A number of decrees have given her special powers in the running of the school, and now she's got access to the Floo Network."

"Did she see you?" asked Mariah.

Sirius shrugged. "There would've been an article by now, this was around a month ago," he said.

"You have to be more careful," said Mariah, thinking Lucius Malfoy's words earlier that day. 'No dog today?'

"Don't worry, I won't risk it again," said Sirius lightly, but Mariah couldn't help but notice the way his eyes darkened as he lifted his whiskey glass to his lips.

"The Astronomy Tower?" suggested Remus, in what Mariah felt like was a deliberate segue to distract Sirius from descending into one of his moods. It worked, and Sirius shot Remus a look.

"Filch would have a field day," he said. "Maybe Hagrid's hut…"


It was another two hours before Remus called it a night and went up to bed. Sirius stayed seated, watching him leave with some disappointment, and though it was late, Mariah got the sense he didn't want to return to his room. Remus's exit left the kitchen thickly silent, save for the crackling of the dwindling fire. Sirius nursed his whiskey glass, and Mariah felt her skin tingle. It was the first time they'd been alone together in a long time.

"You look good," said Sirius after a moment. "The outside world is treating you well."

"I spend my days in a closet and my nights in a hallway, it's not as glamorous as you might imagine," said Mariah.

Sirius shrugged, taking a drink. "Still. I'm jealous." He paused. "Amsterdam, too. How was your mum?"

"Technically a success for the Order, but not great," said Mariah. Sirius nodded.

"Bill filled us in," he said. "She sounds like a piece of work. As a man with a mother who is also a piece of work, I empathize." He gestured towards the stairway that led to his mother's portrait.

Mariah made a noise deep in her throat, but she didn't smile. It was now or never. "I have...something else for you," she said, her throat catching a little on the words. She felt her heart beating fast as he looked at her, one eyebrow raised.

"What?" he asked. "Another birthday present?" Mariah got up and walked to retrieve her bag from where she'd set it down near the entrance.

"I wouldn't call it a birthday present, but…" She took her seat once more, producing a roll of parchment from her bag and smoothing it out on the table before him. He leaned forward, reading the title information in the dim red light from the fire.

"...Divorce papers," he said.

"Ta da" said Mariah lamely. Sirius laughed darkly, skimming the contract.

"You've really outdone yourself. And you've signed them already." He looked at her. "I probably shouldn't sign them. Might raise some awkward questions."

"Yeah," said Mariah, watching him closely. Sirius glanced down the paper, eyeing her signature.

"What changed your mind?" he asked. "Lovell finally win you back over?"

"Absolutely not," said Mariah, rolling her eyes. "It was actually Lucius Malfoy."

"Fuck off!" exclaimed Sirius.

"He recognized you, Sirius," said Mariah, her humor fading. "He saw you on the train platform. He asked me about you at work. If they're watching me, they might find you and...I don't know. Maybe try to frame you again."

Sirius frowned. "You don't have to worry–"

"I do, though," said Mariah. "Our association goes both ways, Sirius. They can use your reputation to torment me all they like, but I couldn't bear it if they used me to make your life harder. I can see how miserable you are – everyone can. If this can make it even just a tiny bit safer for you to go out, it's worth it to me."

"Huh…" said Sirius, looking at the contract again. "I guess this proves you didn't marry me for money."

"Well, hold up, how much was I entitled to?" said Mariah, "Maybe I should take this back." She took the parchment scroll and put it back into her bag.

Sirius laughed dryly. "Don't even worry about it. I'll make sure to write you into my will."

"I guess this makes you my ex-husband." Mariah looked into the fire, thoughtfully. "I can leak the news to Evaleen Lovell for a follow up. Disgraced Healer Divorces Notorious Mass-Murdering Ex-Husband Sirius Black."

"I prefer the term 'divorcé,' it makes me sound so much more jaded," mused Sirius.

Mariah frowned. "That's a bit redundant, though. Disgraced Healer Divorces Notorious Mass-Murdering Divorcé Sirius…" She broke off as Sirius put his hand on hers suddenly, his eyes on hers.

"I want you to know…" he said, "I don't regret it."

Mariah tightened her fingers on his. "Neither do I."

They sat in silence for a minute. Mariah felt the warmth of his hand where it held hers, the softness of his long, thin fingers.

"Can I ask you something?" asked Sirius. "If we're putting all our cards on the table?"

"I suppose I'll allow it."

"That night...the last night the kids were here, the boggart…" He looked at her. "That wasn't your boggart."

Mariah felt her insides turn to ice. "What do you mean?"

Sirius held her gaze. "I mean that wasn't your boggart. Your boggart was always that guy with the mask from that Muggle horror film that we watched in Muggle Studies in fourth year that you said gave you nightmares for a month. Now it's…" He broke off with a look, waiting for her to speak, and when she didn't respond he took a deep breath. "Was it Harry?"

A piercing ringing filled Mariah's ears as she slowly shook her head. Sirius's dark eyes seemed to waver in the firelight.

"Was it a patient?" he asked. Mariah shook her head again, slowly. Sirius's brow furrowed sharply. "Was it Lovell's?"

Mariah could feel his hand shaking under her own as she shook her head. Sirius looked away, rubbing his free hand over his mouth. After a long pause, he looked back at her. "Was it…did we…" he swallowed. "Is there…"

"No," Mariah shook her head, again, and withdrew her hand from his. She pressed both of her hands to her face, taking a deep, shuddering breath. "She died," she said finally.

She didn't uncover her eyes to see Sirius's reaction, instead pressing her face harder into her palms as a wave of emotion cracked her brittle insides. When the wave finally passed she slipped her hands down her face, letting out a long breath slowly and wiping the tears away.

Sirius stared into the fire, shaken. "When?" he asked finally, his voice ragged.

Mariah looked down at her hands, rubbing her thumb over her knuckles. "I had her six months after you went to Azkaban," she said. "Her name was Dawn."

"Dawn…" repeated Sirius in almost a whisper. Mariah stared at the deep gashes that littered the old wooden table. When she spoke it no longer felt forced, but automatic, as though the words were conjuring themselves while her mind stood empty.

"I don't think you could find one person who could say they saw me that year after everything happened. I don't even know where I was half the time. I was such a mess...I had no one. There was no way I could take care of a child. I could barely keep myself together. I gave her up to an adoption agency."

Sirius said nothing. Mariah paused for a long while before continuing.

"I tried to move on with Kurt. He found me…after. He'd helped me avoid Azkaban when you were taken away, and after the war every decision I made just felt like it didn't really matter much. We got engaged. I felt like I was riddled with holes with barely anything left of me. Kurt didn't notice. I think he's always been riddled with holes, so it feels normal to him." She took a long, slow breath. "But when we were planning the wedding there were so many empty seats, so many people who should have been there but weren't, so many gaps in my life, and I was trying to act like they weren't there. And that's when she came into St. Mungo's.

"The family didn't remember me, but I knew their names. They brought her in with Dragon Pox. It should have been an easy case, but they hadn't taken it seriously, and it had become severe. They had to stay away because of the contagiousness, but I sang...sang to her. Every night." Mariah's voice broke. "She died on December 2nd. She was three and a half, and beautiful, and sweet."

Sirius put his face in his hands, and Mariah shut her own eyes against the pain of the memory. She took another shuddering breath.

"I called it off with Kurt not long afterwards. He never knew about it. I didn't want to pretend it never happened, but I didn't want to tell him." She wiped her eyes with her fists. "I didn't want to divorce you while you were in Azkaban because it felt like if our marriage ended then what was it all for? It would have been like none of it ever happened. Like she had never happened. And I couldn't bear the idea of that."

"Why didn't you tell me?" asked Sirius hoarsely.

"How could I?" said Mariah, her voice high and strained. "You were in prison, and then on the run, then in hiding. And she was already gone. It wouldn't have made a difference. Now all it is now is sadness – useless, pointless sadness – and I thought I could live with it alone. After all, I was the only one who knew her."

Sirius didn't respond to that. After another minute he asked, "Where is the family?"

"They moved. I don't know where," said Mariah. "I didn't want to pry in case..."

"In case what?" asked Sirius.

"In case they found out who her father was," said Mariah, looking at Sirius. "Back before I knew you were innocent, I thought it would be best to spare them – to spare her any likelihood of being thought of differently."

Sirius dropped his eyes. In the firelight, Mariah could see the deep circles under his eyes, the shadows of his face deepened. In that moment, he looked older than she'd ever seen him.

"You're the only person I've ever told about her," she said, finally.

Sirius looked up at that. "That can't be true."

"It is."

"Jesus, Mariah…" Sirius ran a hand through his hair. "What the fuck..."

Mariah felt the ice inside her begin to weaken. She felt broken, empty after so many words, left with nothing but the hot, swollen feeling of shame. She didn't want to meet his eyes.

"I know."

"This is…this is a lot. You should have told me." His voice was stronger now. Sharper. Mariah knew this would come. Knew she deserved every bit of his anger, and so much more.

"I am so sorry," she said, her voice strained, high and thin.

"Sorry for what?" snapped Sirius.

Mariah gestured around the room. "For all of it, for being an absolute f-failure of a mother," she said. The shame boiled over. Her voice broke, and the tears finally came, spilling hot and thick down her face. "I fucked it up, I fucked up everything."

Sirius shook his head. "No, Mariah. You should have told me, but everything that happened – none of that was your fault."

"Of course it was my fault!" exclaimed Mariah. "I gave her up to those...and then I couldn't heal her! I wasn't there! If I had just been there, if I had just gotten my shit together, then maybe…" She broke off, a fresh wave of emotion seizing her, and she let out a sob.

"No, I wasn't there," said Sirius quietly. "If I had been there, then–" Mariah seized his hand.

"No...no, Sirius," she said, but Sirius shook his head, looking at her.

"But that's the truth. This isn't just on you, Mariah."

"But what happened to you wasn't your fault," said Mariah, shaking her head fervently.

"It was my fault," said Sirius. "I went seeking revenge. I went after him. It's because of me that you had to go through this alone."

"But I don't blame you," said Mariah. "I never blamed you. Even when I thought you were guilty I just blamed myself, because how could I not have seen…" She took a deep breath, forcing herself not to travel back to that mindset. She was far away from that time, now. "None of that matters anymore. We can't help them now," she said. "Dawn. Lily. James. Baby Mariah and her poor life decisions. Baby Sirius and his vengeance."

Sirius took her hand again. "I'm still sorry I wasn't there," he said. Mariah felt his fingers tighten on hers and she let out a shaky breath.

"I'm still in love with you," she said. "For whatever that's worth now that our marriage is over and done with."

The ghost of a grin flashed across Sirius's face and he sighed in defeat. "I still love you, too, Mariah. But you have to admit, we're the worst married couple in the world."

Mariah laughed, wiping her eyes. "I just ruined your birthday, too, didn't I?" she said, and Sirius let out a hollow laugh.

"It's past midnight, so I'd say you just missed it," he said.

"Damn," said Mariah. She shivered, suddenly realizing how dark it was. The fire was low, and the alcohol from earlier in the night had long since left her system. She suddenly realized how cold she was. Sirius noticed, too.

"You're freezing," he said.

"It's late," said Mariah, getting to her feet. "I should go."

"You could stay," said Sirius quietly. Mariah looked at him. His hand held hers firmly, his skin fiery warm.

"If you want me to," she said.

"I want you to," said Sirius. Mariah entwined her fingers in his grip as he got to his feet as well, leading the way out of the kitchen.

She followed him up the long, dark staircase, past Mundungus's snores emanating from what had been Harry's room over the summer, past the scratching of Buckbeak's talons on the door to Sirius's mother's room that now served as his den, past the closed door to Regulus's room where she had spent the summer, and where now Remus slept quietly, and into Sirius's room, whose door was finally open to her.