Chris and Topher stood at the limits of Drama City.
"Last time, on Total Drama Party with the Stars!" the two began in unison.
"Panicking at the loss of his game-long ally, Hugh found himself in a middleman position between the duos of Cyan and Kun, and Frita and Vladimir," Chris recapped.
"Of course, the kid just can't leave well enough alone, and he pushed for a final three alliance of himself, Frita, and Kun, seeing those two as the easy ones to beat in a jury vote," Topher added. "Shockingly, it kind of picked up a little momentum."
"The challenge, though, was the big draw of the episode," Chris claimed. "A classic loved ones visit, with a second appearance of the loved ones challenge from Alpha Party."
"To hilariously messy results," Topher laughed. "Sure, we had people like Cyan and her mother, and Frita and her old friend, who played it normally."
"Then we had Kun's sister, who went out of her way to get the answers all wrong to screw her brother over," Chris said. "And... (sigh)... Vladimir and his partner agreed to write 'Pickles' for every answer, making sure they technically got a match each round. Hugh and his girlfriend tried copying that strategy over time, too."
"In the midst of a long debate over the legality of this strategy, Kun shocked everyone when he threatened to quit the game," Topher smirked.
"Not only had he felt inadequate in the game, but he was worried that his whole 'forcing himself to be a leader' thing was actively detrimenting his sister's life, too," Chris said. "So, not wanting to take up an endgame slot that could go to someone with actual sway, he volunteered to walk as the season's fifth placer."
"And tonight... the final four will become the final three," Topher grinned.
"It'll be an important round for sure. How's it gonna go?" Chris hyped up. "It's all happening, right here, on Total!"
"Drama!" Topher added.
"Party with the Stars!" the two concluded in unison.
...
"It's not the same without Lindsay," Chris noted.
"It's not much different," Topher grumbled.
The marquee at Hatchet's Diner read "Hugh and Kaylin STAY OUT!" Inside, Frita approached Chef.
"Can I get, uh... three breakfast plates, please?" Frita asked.
"Three? You can barely finish one, I've seen you eat!" Chef shouted.
"Y-You're watching me eat?!" Frita panicked.
"I know how much I gotta throw away whenever you leave your shit behind," Chef told her.
"Yeah, well... it's the home stretch and I need calories," Frita insisted.
Chef leered at her, then retreated to the kitchen. Frita shuffled to the nearest booth, where Hugh and Kaylin kept their heads low.
"He might have three plates. No promises," she told them.
"You're a queen," Hugh told her.
"Never vote her out," Kaylin told Hugh.
"Wasn't planning to," Hugh remarked. "Not with Cyan and Vladimir being such obvious jury threats."
"Hugh and I are the bad players who only have a chance against each other," Frita told Kaylin.
"I see," Kaylin nodded.
"Don't just believe her when she says I'm a bad player!" Hugh objected.
Kaylin kissed Hugh on the cheek.
"A-Anyway," Hugh blushed. "So, like, Vladimir is supposed to be your old friend Devlin, right? Isn't Tristan supposed to be his brother? What's that about?"
"Wait, what?" Kaylin asked.
"Long story," Hugh told her.
"I... I don't know," Frita admitted. "I was sure that Vladimir was Devlin! Something about him, I just... But Tristan's here, and... I don't know!"
"Isn't the whole reason you gave a shit about Vladimir because you wanted to see your friend again?" Hugh asked. "Well, here he is! Your other friend, I guess, but you can for sure, 100% see Devlin after this is over. You know how to find him! Who gives a shit about Vladimir anymore?!"
"I.." Frita began.
"Hey! I thought I banned your asses from my diner!" Chef roared.
"Gotta bounce!" Kaylin announced before running off.
"Hey, don't just leave me!" Hugh ran after her.
...
Hugh ran back to Frita. "Think about it!"
Hugh ran away again, just in time to dodge a frying pan careening towards him.
Confessional:
Hugh: Even though Kun's gone, I've still got to make sure Frita's sticking with me to get rid of Cyan and Vladimir. Inching her to get over her weird parasocial codependency whatever-it-is should help with that.
Frita: I... I guess I can see Devlin after all this. But... Vladimir. What if he really is Vladimir? Messing with my head all this time... Could I still be friends with him? Because what if he isn't Vladimir somehow? (she sighs defeatedly) I don't know what to do.
Cyan relaxed in the nice garage hangout when Jerry entered the building.
"Well hey, fancy meeting you here," Jerry smiled.
"Don't," Cyan said flatly.
"Don't what? Engage in casual conversation with one of the handful of other people on this set?" Jerry grunted.
"If that's all you want, then fine," Cyan told him. "But don't expect anything more than a convo to kill the time."
"Alrighty then." Jerry invited himself onto the same couch as Cyan, manspreading obnoxiously. "You know, I was supposed to be in showbiz. But they only wanted me as a stunt double, when I was supposed to be a star! People would have respected me if I got the spotlight I deserved."
"Does being a stunt double at last pay well?" Cyan asked.
"Oh, I didn't take the job," Jerry told her. "I told them where they could stick it! They wanted me to double for some flash-in-the-pan teenage girl! Do I look like I have the body of a teenage girl?!"
...
"Am I interrupting something?" Tristan asked.
"No! Not at all! Please, hello, make yourself at home!" Cyan smiled through her teeth.
Jerry leered at Tristan as he took a seat in between Jerry and Cyan.
"So, like, is this show actually any good, or is it good in the same way as, like, those crappy movies that everyone on the internet likes to dunk on?" Tristan asked. "I might watch it if it's good."
"Well I like it," Cyan told him. "It's one of those 'its biggest fans are the ones who hate it the most' type things, though."
"Aw, I've been there. I watch sports," Tristan chuckled.
"Oh, don't even get me started on how my dad is whenever the Jets lose!" Cyan laughed.
"I can imagine," Tristan nodded.
"I'm gonna go see what the bartenders are doing," Jerry announced. He stood up and left.
"Take it easy, bruh!" Tristan called.
After Jerry shut the door behind him, Cyan let out a sigh of relief.
"You have no idea how much you saved my ass back there," Cyan told him.
"Yeah, I saw you two through the window. I remember how he was around Chen and Kaylin," Tristan nodded. "Don't even mention it."
"I will mention it. I am currently mentioning it," Cyan teased.
Confessional:
Cyan: A part of me still doesn't fully trust Tristan. He seems like a cool dude, but so does Vladimir before you find out all about him. I've got no hard evidence that says Tristan's a bad dude, but I'll be keeping an eye on him while he's here.
Tristan: You think they'll ever bring back the Volcano Menu at Taco Bell? I miss the Volcano Menu, bros.
As Vladimir strolled through McLean Park, he noticed Azura sitting on one of the benches.
"Lovely day, isn't it?" Vladimir greeted.
"Mm, it sure is," Azura agreed. "On days as clear as this, I'm happy to know my daughter is named after something almost as beautiful as she is."
"May I ask what her father's name is? I'm curious," Vladimir inquired.
Azura gave him a knowing look. "If it was anyone else, I'd think that was a perfectly innocuous question."
"If I was anyone else, I wouldn't already know the answer," Vladimir responded. "Regardless, I think it's neat. I wish my name had a particularly interesting meaning."
"And which name are you referring to?" Azura questioned.
"All of them, of course," Vladimir smiled. "Think about it. Would I go to all the trouble of putting on another face and hiding my real identity so well if my real identity was worth presenting?"
Azura raised an eyebrow. "I don't think you'd ask something like that if you didn't want people to be at least a little curious."
"Perhaps," Vladimir said. "I do take pride in my motivations being tough to make out. I could just be leaning into it, though."
"You're still just a kid. You don't got the life experience to go that far," Azura denied.
"Is that what you think?" Vladimir laughed. "Well, perhaps you're right."
"Listen to me," Azura smiled. "I can see the motivation in people's souls. Some might call it an aura, if they're so inclined. I can tell you're not someone who wants to hurt others. But you also seem like someone who doesn't care if you do. Now, Cyan's told me all about how you've been doing that girl Frita. How does that help you hide your identity? And for that matter, how does being on this show in the first place?"
"If I told you that, then I wouldn't actually be doing a good job at it, would I?" Vladimir dismissed. "You're smarter than I would have thought. I guess that's something else you have in common with your daughter." His eyes dimmed. "But do not claim to know a thing about me, or my past, or my motivations. Because you do not. Understood?"
"Now, you understand that I'm someone who doesn't like conflict," Azura told him. "I get that you gotta betray people's trust in this game sometimes. But that's not what you're doing, is it? So what are you doing? Reveling in the power you have over others? Thriving in the mystery, knowing that it's making people pay attention to you? Does this make you feel smart? Cool? Whatever it is, you gotta know that it's gonna cost you jury votes. So why keep it up?"
"You can ask as many questions as you want, Mrs. Blau, but I will never be obligated to answer any of them." Vladimir turned on his heels and looked back at her. "Have a nice afternoon." He smiled as he walked away.
Confessional:
Vladimir: Azura is hardly the first person to peg me as some kind of tryhard or attention seeker. If that was all that's behind the mask, I might even be a little insulted. In the end, though, she's just like all the others: completely irrelevant to me in the grand scheme of things. If she wants to feel good about herself, like she's figured me out with her aura readings, then let her. See, I can be a nice person. It's gotten me this far.
Lindsay sat at the bar in O'Neal Barcade, facedown.
"Given that you do not normally drink alcohol, I would recommend cutting yourself off at this point," Greg told her. "Especially given your prior concerns, and why you don't drink in the first place."
Lindsay sniffled. "...Okay..."
"How are you feeling?" Greg inquired.
"Weird... and still upset," Lindsay groaned.
"If you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen," Greg reminded her.
"It's just..." Lindsay mustered the strength to sit up properly. "I was kind of looking forward to coming back as a cohost. I really liked doing it last time! But Chris and Topher are the ones who are naturally good at it, so I'm just... kind of there. And I was so excited when we were trying my challenge idea from last time again, but it went even worse than last time! And Kun quit because of my challenge, and he kept talking about feeling useless no matter how hard you try... and... and..." Lindsay slumped back down against the bar, sobbing.
"I don't understand," Greg admitted. "Often I hear Chris or Chef or another staff member mention that they're glad you're around. How your positivity and heart keep the show going. Nelson himself said to me the other day that the show would become horribly dour without you. Are you saying you feel inadequate despite all this?"
"Is..." Lindsay looked up. "You're not just making all that up, are you?"
"I am not capable of dishonesty, if that's what you're asking," Greg told her. "Such a function is completely impractical, especially to someone of my position."
Lindsay managed a small smile. "...Thanks."
"At the risk of stepping on your toes, I think I can relate to feeling unneeded at times as well," Greg mentioned.
"Really? But you're super helpful!" Lindsay told him.
"I do the work that's expected of me, sure, but I've never quite been able to connect to the organics as well as Jayne has," Greg explained. "I've always been cognizant of my limitations as a man-made intelligence. Despite my pleas, nobody seems interested in allowing me to upgrade. It's... worrisome, to say the least."
"At least you can get an upgrade," Lindsay giggled. "People don't think I'm very smart, either. But even though I let it get to my head sometimes... I know there are people who love me. I have friends and family at home, a great fiance... the whole Total Drama cast and crew, too!"
"Perhaps I'll attain those things someday, too," Greg hoped.
"Hey, you have the TD guys," Lindsay encouraged. "And your life is just starting. I know you'll make your way in the world, just like everyone else. You've got people to support you."
Greg smiled. "I suppose the others were right. You are the positivity that keeps things going."
"And you're a hard worker and a cool guy!" Lindsay returned. She stood up, struggling to find her balance. "But promise me you'll never let me drink alcohol again..."
"If I do, I will not break that promise," Greg warned her.
"Good..." Lindsay said woozily.
Confessional:
Greg: To err is human, they say. I've often wondered if my relative lack of recognition was an error, and, by extension, if that made me human. Perhaps that longing for recognition is human in and of itself. There's little practicality to it. Lindsay may be right in saying that bolstering from others may be the key, here. I may have to seek further social support. After the game ends, of course. I'd be loath to harm the sanctity of the game.
Azura, Jerry, and Kaylin stood near the gates to Drama City.
"Man, why did they call us to come here if the ride back wasn't even here?" Kaylin complained.
"It's a big city. They probably knew it might take us a long time to get here," Azura figured.
"Yeah. What's-his-face is running late, so that makes sense," Jerry nodded.
"Hey Tristan! Hurry up!" Kaylin shouted into the sky.
"He's probably going as fast as he can. You've seen what shape he's in," Jerry remarked as he scratched his face.
"Now now, there's nothing to gain from casting aspersions on one's figure," Azura frowned.
"It gives me a scapegoat for why we're waiting so long," Kaylin disagreed.
"Maybe he's giving what's-her-name an extra long goodbye," Jerry chuckled crassly.
"Also possible," Kaylin snickered. "And if that is the case, then why the hell was Hugh in such a rush?!"
"You two can do whatever you want whenever you want. I think Tristan and what's-her-name just met up for the first time in a decade or something," Jerry explained.
"Then they should have had their big reunion way earlier so I didn't have to wait!" Kaylin whined.
"The world does not revolve around you, love," Azura told her.
"That's the world's fault, not mine," Kaylin huffed.
"Amen to that, sister," Jerry agreed. "The world's always going on about how great it supposedly is, but what the hell's the world done for me?!
"Probably what you deserve, you creeper," Kaylin commented.
"Yeah, yeah, pick on the man who's unlovable while he's down, I've heard it all before," Jerry lamented.
"Nobody is unlovable. It's how they accept the love of others that determines their place," Azura offered.
"And what love am I receiving, exactly?" Jerry scoffed.
"I love you as a friend," Azura smiled.
Jerry blushed. "I-I, uh, er..." He gulped. "That's... uh..."
"Better than you deserve and something you should absolutely accept if you want any shot at figuring out how to talk to women?" Kaylin suggested.
"I was getting to that!" Jerry insisted.
A limousine drove up to the gate. Jayne and Godfrey stepped out of it.
"I don't know how you got out, but they really don't want you to do that again," Godfrey told them.
"Sorry," Jayne frowned.
They froze upon seeing Jerry. Godfrey led them away from the scene.
"Are we supposed to get out at this point, too?" a voice asked from inside the vehicle.
"I... think so?" another voice responded.
"Do what makes you happy, random strangers," Kaylin said.
Confessional:
Jayne: I never knew how physically capable I really was. Or how much I missed Joseph, for that matter. Most of the other contestants didn't seem to like him, but he was my first real friend. I hope to see him again soon.
Cyan, Frita, and Hugh loitered at McLean Park.
"Isn't the challenge supposed to start soon? Where the hell is Vlad?" Hugh complained.
"Probably giving a long, heartfelt, tear-filled goodbye to Jerry," Cyan jested.
"Yeah, obviously," Hugh responded.
"Do you think he's talking to Tristan?" Frita suggested. "If they're brothers, then-"
"Frita, Vladimir is not Devlin," Cyan told her. "He knows everything about us and our pasts because of social media or whatever."
After a brief silence, Cyan and Hugh noticed Frita trembling and hugging herself.
"But..." Frita gulped. "Devlin and Tristan didn't have social media. That's part of why we never got back into contact..."
"Ohhhhh shit," Hugh reacted.
"That doesn't mean he couldn't-" Cyan continued.
"And I only ever thought he was Devlin because of some obscure inside joke he let slip!" Frita continued. "That's not the kind of thing you can just find online anyway!"
"Alright, but what does this actually change?" Hugh asked. "You thought he was this Devlin dude the whole time, you bought into it, you've stuck by him, you've considered ditching him. Does this actually affect your stance on him? It sounds like it's just confirming what you already knew!"
"Hugh, calm down," Cyan scolded.
"I'm just tired of all this, and I know you are too, so don't act like you're above me," Hugh scoffed. "This whole season, Frita's just refused to decide if she wants to see Devlin, or she doesn't, or she loves him, or she's scared of him... and we've all just kind of let it happen because there have been bigger fish to fry." He turned to Frita. "So what do you want?! Affection? Validation? Answers? 'Cause you're sure as hell not getting any of that from Vladimir. So what's the hangup?"
"You don't understand, Hugh... You'll never understand," Frita grimaced. "Devlin and Tristan were my only friends in elementary school! And I haven't made any real connections since! Do you have any idea what that does to someone?! The emptiness, the jealousy, the longing... If there was any chance that Devlin was here before me, to shine even a little light into those doldrums, I was going to take it! But what if he wasn't Devlin, and was just using me? Or worse, what if he WAS Devlin, and was just using me?!"
"Both of you, please," Cyan mediated. "Neither of you are helping matters right now."
"You're wrong, Cyan!" Frita cried. "Vladimir is Devlin! He has to be! And he... and he..."
Frita fell to her knees and wept.
"Way to go, Cyan," Hugh tutted. "And I was almost getting somewhere with her."
"Shut the hell up, Hugh," Cyan groaned.
Confessional:
Hugh: You mean Frita only letting people in on her own terms, and becoming horribly codependent to a known manipulator turned out to be harmful to her mental health? Who could have seen that coming?! (he puts on a pretending-to-be-shocked face)
Cyan: Look, if Hugh is actually concerned about Frita, then great. Excellent. The little gremlin has a heart after all. But even IF that was the case, he is going about it the wroooooong way. Poor girl's already feeling defeated! Ain't no use kicking her while she's down!
Frita: I'm just sick and tired of talking about it at this point. I'm just going to vote Vladimir out, and that's that!
On the way to McLean Park, Vladimir ran into Tristan.
"Well hello," Vladimir smiled. "I don't know if I got to properly introduce myself. I'm-"
"Cut the crap," Tristan frowned. "Frita told me all about how you've been stringing her along. Stop it. Now."
"Believe me, I've offered several outs," Vladimir frowned. "I'm well aware that her fixation is healthy neither for her nor me. Somehow, despite constant protests from the others about this dynamic, we're both still here. I even offered to vote her out myself for the good of her well-being, but, well, beggars wanted to be choosers, it seems."
"Do you understand the gravity of what you've already done?" Tristan questioned.
"More than most people probably realize," Vladimir said. "But that's a conversation for later. I have to get to the challenge."
"I don't think you do understand," Tristan said gravely. "The long-term implications of all of this could be devastating! This isn't just some little thing you can handwave as a minor inconvenience."
"Well, this is quite the departure from the fun-loving guy you seemed to be yesterday," Vladimir noted.
"Because these circumstances are anything but fun," Tristan told him. "I'm serious. You need to cut yourself off from French Fry entirely. She's already in a pretty bad place. Don't make things worse for her."
"You really are a good friend, aren't you?" Vladimir smiled. "Even after all this time away from her. I can see why she wanted to meet back up with you and Devlin so badly."
"Leave my brother out of it," Tristan leered. "Maybe this is all fun and games to you, but I don't want to hear his name come out of your mouth again."
"Hey, isn't that the whole idea behind Total Drama? Fun and games?" Vladimir jested. "But on that note, I must reiterate: I have to be at the challenge, and I believe you should be on your way out of here. Perhaps we should comply before they decide to get Frita and me in trouble."
Vladimir set off. Tristan shook his head before making his own way away.
Confessional:
Vladimir: One thing I fail to understand is how everyone seems to be under the impression that my fate is beyond my own control. As though I haven't worked painstakingly to grasp it and never let it go. Sure, things haven't always gone exactly my way... but I'm still here, aren't I? That's a lot more than most of us can say.
Vladimir finally met up with the hosts and other contestants at McLean Park.
"Sorry I'm late. I was a little held up," he apologized.
"Something incredibly serious, I'm sure," Chris remarked. "That's fine, no big deal, it's only your last challenge of the season!"
"Last challenge?" Frita blinked.
"Does that mean tomorrow's the finale?" Hugh murmured.
"Lay it on us, Chris!" Cyan encouraged.
"Thank you!" Chris acknowledged. "It's a complicated one, but one you'll want to put everything you've got into!"
"Really? I was going to half-ass my last chance to win immunity until you said something," Frita remarked.
"Shut up, Frita," Chris grumbled. "If you'll follow us, we can get the show on the road!"
"Ah yes, the classic 'meet up here at the park and then make us go somewhere completely different' bit," Hugh whined. "Comedy gold, every time."
"Good to know," Topher grinned.
The hosts and contestants arrived at a nondescript building at the southern edge of the city.
"Welcome, everyone, to the butler cafe!" Topher announced.
...
"The WHAT?!" all four contestants reacted.
"That's right. You see, putting together these games is a lot of hard work," Chris said. "So we figured, 'why not make them give back?' Your challenge today is to serve as one of the eponymous butlers at this cafe. You'll be taking and fulfilling orders, bantering with customers, and overall making sure everyone leaves with a smile on their face."
"Any particular reason we're all butlers?" Cyan asked. "Aren't butlers just male maids?"
"Apparently it's gender-neutral," Lindsay informed. "I was confused too."
"Also, Shadya made an offhand joke about a butler cafe challenge earlier this season, and we thought it'd be funny to actually do it," Topher laughed.
"Damn it, even when she's not here she's annoying me," Hugh commented.
"Each of you will get your own little corner of the cafe," Chris explained. "One by one, customers will come in, and you'll have to serve the customers that come to your part of the cafe. When you feel your customer is satisfied, give them a comment card. They just might fill it out, which is important, because the total number of stars you get at the end of the challenge will be your score! The two contestants with the highest score will win Invincibility, guaranteeing them a seat in the finals where you'll face the jury and try to convince them that you deserve to be the winner of this game."
"You're all going to look so handsome in your uniforms~!" Lindsay gushed.
"And of course, the two who don't win will be at risk of elimination. One of you will fall just short of getting any shot at winning!" Topher added.
"That part was implied, you didn't have to highlight it!" Lindsay cried.
"Maybe I didn't have to, but..." Topher chuckled.
"Our guests aren't going to be people who are biased against us, are they?" Hugh brought up.
"I dunno," Chris said unhelpfully. "If it's that big a concern, maybe you shouldn't be someone who others would bias against."
"My shoe's about to be biased against your nutsack," Hugh spat.
"Not if you want a shot at immunity, it's not," Chris smiled. "Any other questions?"
...
"Great! Anything else you'll need to know will be on little pamphlets inside, so go get changed, and we can get started!"
Confessional:
Cyan: (She is wearing a butler's outfit, and her braids are done up in a bun) They even gave me a blue tie! Lookit it! Lookit! (She clears her throat.) This challenge is incredibly important, and it sounds like being charming is gonna have to be on the menu if I want a shot. And I can definitely be charming. (She winks.)
Frita: (She is in uniform, and her hair is pulled back in a ponytail.) Ughhhhhhh. You think we'll be serving monte cristo sandwiches? Maybe I can dunk my head in the fryer. That'd be more fun than whatever the hell we have to do here.
Hugh: (He's in uniform, and his hair is slicked back.) Hey, can I keep this outfit? This is the snazziest I've looked in my entire life. Hella badass! ...I'm keeping it whether I get permission or not, so let's avoid making this difficult.
Vladimir: (He's in uniform.) Putting on a nice face for a challenge? Heh, I'll see what I can do.
The café's interior proudly displayed fancy decor and furniture, and a soothing classical piano piece played quietly throughout the room. The contestants, dressed for the occasion, stood in their designated corners of the building.
"Alright, let's see..." Cyan read the pamphlet provided. "Tea, pastries, etiquette. Shouldn't be too hard to follow."
"You say that now, but have you ever actually tried to make a fancy pastry?" Hugh asked as he read over his pamphlet. "I mean, I haven't, because it seems hella difficult."
"I bake gingerbread people every December... I find it strangely cathartic," Frita droned.
Vladimir adjusted his cuffs. "I eagerly anticipate our first customers."
Lilith, Isidora, Steve Jenkins, and Irving entered the building.
"What's up, everybody!" Steve Jenkins called out.
"Still eagerly anticipating?" Cyan asked.
"Hey, I do what I can," Vladimir claimed. He approached Steve Jenkins, who sat at his table. "Hello, sir. To whom do I owe the honor?"
"Dawg, Baz, you know who I am," Steve Jenkins griped.
"What's up, Isidora? How've you been?" Hugh smiled as Isidora sat at his table.
"Increasingly bitter at your continued success," Isidora answered.
"Wonderful! Is there anything I can get you?" Hugh offered.
"Pissed off?" Isidora answered.
"I'll just give you time to look this over," Hugh said as he slid her a menu.
"Why hello, Frita!" Lilith greeted as she sat down. "I've been so looking forward to meeting you. You seem so delightfully sickening."
"Don't," Frita said firmly.
"Don't what? Draw attention to the dark, twisted recesses of your mind that frighten you into the knowledge that you'll always be too terrifying for anyone to love you?" Lilith smiled.
"Yeah, that!" Frita growled.
"Awwwwww, but you're so adorably pathetic," Lilith pouted.
Irving approached Cyan's table, took a seat, and put his feet on the table.
"I'll have an iron goddess. Ye have that here, don't ye?" Irving ordered.
Cyan narrowed her eyes. "Right away, sir. Any special requests?"
"Mmmmmmm... Brew it in an actual iron cup," Irving requested. "I always wanted to try iron goddess tea in an actual metal receptacle."
Cyan slowly bowed, maintaining annoyed eye contact. "I'll see what I can do, sir."
"Get to it, wench!" Irving grinned as he snapped his fingers impatiently.
Confessional:
Cyan: I don't know if the guests got to pick which table they went to, but there's no way they didn't intentionally recruit people who would annoy us. But I can't let him get to me. I ain't the same woman I was a couple weeks ago. I'm gonna be the best, most graceful butler that man's ever going to have!
"...oh, and make it rare!" Steve Jenkins concluded his order.
"I'll see what I can do," Vladimir told him.
"Uh, who do you think you're serving, here?" Steve Jenkins scoffed. "If Steve Jenkins wants a mushroom swiss burger, you'd better serve him a mushroom swiss burger! Miss me with that half-assed 'see what I can do' type response."
"Of course, sir," Vladimir responded with a bow. "Right away."
He walked away with a disgruntled look on his face.
In his corner, Hugh walked back up to Isidora.
"Have you decided on what you'd like to order?" he asked pleasantly.
Isidora raised an eyebrow. "The aram sandwiches sound good. Bring me some of those."
"Excellent choice. I'll bring you some water, and then I'll get started on that," Hugh said as he walked off.
"...What the hell?" Isidora murmured.
Frita slowly approached Lilith.
"Is there anything I can-"
"We have a lot in common, you know," Lilith smiled. "We both simply thrive on the idea of someone dying a horrible, miserable death. Although, for you, it's all about the glorious release of the moment, and for me, it's the lingering, eternal misery afterwards..."
Frita slowly walked away from Lilith.
Irving looked around. "Yarr, where did me swabbie go? Where be MY comical interaction with her?!"
The door opened, causing a small bell to ring. Dalit, Nolan, Joseph, and Jean-Marie entered the building.
"Did you really order your drink in the metal cup?" Dalit asked as she joined him.
"Aye, I sure did," Irving confirmed. "And I see the next wave of customers has arrived!"
"We sure have," Nolan said as he sat next to Lilith. "Frita! I'll have a latte!"
"Do they have booze here?" Joseph asked Isidora as he sat next to her.
"Ask Hugh," Isidora shrugged.
"We do not, but we do have a lovely rum cake on offer," Hugh smiled.
"Hey, that does sound pretty good," Joseph figured. "Two slices of that, please!"
"Why two?" Isidora asked.
"You don't have food yet," Joseph answered.
"I ordered something. I think he's working on it," Isidora explained.
"Sure am!" Hugh called back.
"Hey Baz! What's taking my burger so long?!" Steve Jenkins called
"How long ago did you order it?" Jean-Marie asked as he took a seat at the table.
"I dunno. But I'm hungry, so I want it now!" Steve Jenkins huffed.
"Comprends," Jean-Marie nodded.
Confessional:
Hugh: Shit, they're really not letting up, are they? I barely got started on making Isidora's thing before Joseph showed up! And who the hell does he think he is, ordering food for someone else?! Doesn't sound like bro code to me!
"Your mushroom swiss burger," Vladimir announced as he set a platter before Steve Jenkins. He turned to Jean-Marie. "Anything for you, sir?"
"Well, I can't remember the last time I had a good coffee. Make me your best, s'il vous plaît?"
"Oh, I plaît," Vladimir assured him. "Coming right up."
"Baz, this burger is mid! Mid!" Steve Jenkins whined. "Don't you know who I am?!"
Vladimir already left to fix Jean-Marie's coffee.
"Here's those slices of cake for you," Hugh smiled as he set two plates down in front of Isidora and Joseph. "The aram sandwich platter will be ready in just a few more minutes."
"I'd question why you can't be this pleasant all the time, but frankly it's kind of creeping me out," Isidora commented.
"I can spit in your food if you want me to," Hugh smiled, restraining annoyance.
"I'll pass on that, but I appreciate the offer," Isidora said dryly.
"Hey, this cake's not bad, actually," Joseph complimented.
"Thanks. I toiled for minutes at the toaster oven," Hugh told him.
He returned to the kitchen.
"You have my congratulations, Nolan," Lilith smiled.
"Oh, that?" Nolan asked. "Yeah, that's, uh, we're keeping it on the down-low right now."
"Is that so? How come? I'm sure everyone is dying to know all about it," Lilith grinned.
"Er, may I help you?" Frita asked Nolan.
"Nolan's got a seeeeecret," Lilith giggled.
"Don't we all," Frita dismissed. "Is there anything I can get you, Nolan?"
"Aren't you curious about what he's hiding?" Lilith cooed.
"Only if what he's hiding is his order," Frita grunted.
"Thank you, Frita," Nolan smiled. "I'll have a fish and chips, please."
"We, uh..." Frita looked over the menu. "We'll... do our best to accommodate your request."
"Thanks!" Nolan waved.
"Here's your tea," Cyan told Irving as she set it on the table. "Good afternoon, Dalit. How may I-"
"How long did ye steep this?" Irving asked.
"Two and a half minutes, like it said on the tin," Cyan told him.
"What kind of pansy do ye take me for, lass?!" Irving snapped. "If me tea ain't making me recoil, it ain't bitter enough."
"Do not interrupt my order," Dalit told him.
"Well, I'd say I have every right to, if Cyan can't even get one order, right," Irving claimed. "How can ye say she'll get yours right if she can't even make tea right?"
Cyan took a deep breath through her nose, forcing herself to keep smiling.
Confessional:
Vladimir: Seems like they made it a point to assign us customers who had the most potential to get under our skin. One must determine on their own how much they're willing to put up with for the sake of a good rating. In the case of Steve Jenkins, I will simply serve him the same as anyone else, regardless of how unfair he might think that is. He won't appreciate it, but the others probably will.
"Your coffee, sir," Vladimir smiled as he set the cup before Jean-Marie. "I hope you don't think it too on-the-nose, but I selected our finest French blend. It's one of my favorites."
"They let you in here before?" Steve Jenkins asked, his mouth full of food.
"I've tried all sorts of coffees in my day. I like to think I have an eye for these things," Vladimir explained.
"Shows what you know. Everyone knows the best coffee is from Arabica," Steve Jenkins chuckled.
"My mistake. Incidentally, where is Arabica, exactly?" Vladimir asked.
"Uh... Wherever the rest of the Arabic countries are, obviously," Steve Jenkins insisted.
"I think this is quite good, for the record," Jean-Marie offered as he held up his mug.
The small bell rang again, and Ernie, Greg, Chef, and Jayne entered the building.
"After all we've done for you ungrateful little twerps, it's about time y'all gave back!" Chef grinned.
"I actually liked serving them as their bartender," Jayne mentioned.
"The only joy I have ever known has been helping these people," Greg added.
"Nah, I'm on Chef's side," Ernie said.
"More?" Cyan groaned quietly. She approached her table as Ernie took a seat. "Good afternoon, sir, how can I-"
"You still haven't taken my order yet!" Dalit objected.
"And ye haven't even gotten mine right!" Irving agreed.
"Right, sorry Dalit," Cyan winced. "What can I-"
"What ye can get is me tea done right!" Irving interrupted.
"Shut your facehole, Irving!" Dalit snapped. "It's my turn!"
"What kind of captain would I be if I didn't assure that me crew got only the best grub the galley has to offer?" Irving insisted.
"You are not my captain!" Dalit argued.
Irving gasped dramatically. Ernie sighed and rubbed his temples.
In the kitchen, Frita frantically glanced back and forth at Greg sitting at her table, and the timer on the fish n' chips fryer. She decided to head to the table.
"Er, hello Greg," Frita greeted. "Uh, good afternoon, rather. Can I get you anything?"
"So you're the Greg I've heard so much about," Lilith smiled.
"People are talking about me?" Greg asked. "That's nice to hear."
"Mweeheehee, they sure are..." Lilith's face twisted into a disdainful grimace. "How dare you stand where real humans stand? As if you're equal? Please. You'll never become a ghost. Why even bother existing?"
"Lilith, that's-" Frita began.
"Ohhhhhh, I don't want to hear anything from you," Lilith giggled. "I remember hearing about how badly you mangled poor Greg. To satisfy your twisted, demented fetishes. As if his pain is real, as if he will ever matter. You nauseate me. All of you."
...
"Is my order almost ready?" Nolan asked.
"I'll check!" Frita laughed uncomfortably.
She made her hasty retreat.
"Hugh! Get your ass over here this instant!" Chef barked.
"Good afternoon, sir!" Hugh placed Isidora's order before her. "What can I get you today?"
"You should get me a bloody mary, NOW!" Chef demanded.
"They don't have alcohol here, bro," Joseph told him. "I checked."
"Did I stutter? Because I don't remember stuttering!" Chef denied. "And I know he has the ingredients necessary to make it! Believe me, I know for a goddamn fact!"
"I'll, uh... get right on it... sirrrrrrr," Hugh struggled. He turned to the other two. "How's your food?"
"Pretty good!" Joseph confirmed.
"Not bad," Isidora conceded.
"Splendid! I'll be right back with that drink!" Hugh informed.
He dashed to the back and exited out the rear door.
"Why, if it isn't Jayne!" Vladimir greeted. "Welcome to the cafe!"
"Hey, what gives, you asked me my name like you didn't even know it!" Steve Jenkins objected.
"Maybe he realized how much you like saying it," Jean-Marie groaned.
"Steve Jenkins is a name worth saying," Steve Jenkins nodded.
"Hello, Barry," Jayne smiled. "Unfortunately, I lack the capability to taste, but I do enjoy role playing this scenario with everyone."
They looked across the room to Joseph, who waved at them. They returned the gesture.
"I'll have whatever he's having," Jayne said as she gestured to Joseph.
"Right away," Vladimir nodded.
As he walked to the kitchen, he murmured to himself. "Damn... I can't even ask Hugh what Joseph is having."
Confessional:
Frita: You know, it hardly seems fair that everyone else doesn't have to deal with Lilith. I think she alone is way worse than Irving, or Chef, or Steve Jenkins, or anybody! I guess I see why she was voted out first. Thank goodness she wasn't on my team. I could not have dealt with that.
"Here! I steeped it for a million years!" Cyan handed a new cup of tea to Irving.
Irving took a sip. "Hmm... It'll do I guess."
"Great, now I want-" Dalit began.
"Now for me food order!" Irving grinned.
"Irving!" Dalit scolded.
"I have to make sure the food be good for ye as well, no?" Irving snickered.
"I can find that out on myself!" Dalit insisted. "Cyan! Get me a parfait!"
"Yes, right away!" Cyan exasperated. She made her way to the kitchen.
"That's alright, I can just starve. It's, ya know, no biggie," Ernie droned.
"You and me both, lad," Irving sniffled. "We be in this together!"
Cyan returned. "Sorry, what kind of parfait did you want?"
"Strawberry, duh!" Dalit shouted.
"Right! Be there in a moment!" Cyan promised.
As she left, Irving patted Ernie on the shoulder. Ernie rolled his eyes.
"H-Here you go. I hope it's alright," Frita told Nolan as she presented the fish and chips to him.
He took a bite, and his eyes lit up. "You... You remembered the family recipe. From back when we had to cook for the others! My cousin Samuel is going to love you!"
"I still make no promises about marrying into the family," Frita said. She looked to Lilith again. "Did... Did you decide on what to order?"
"Oh, your suffering is more than plenty for me~" Lilith cooed.
"Cool. Greg, have you decided?" Frita hastily asked.
"I would like whatever this is, which seems to compel Nolan to marry you off to his cousin," Greg requested. "Perhaps I can reach a greater understanding of the world that way."
Frita ran a hand down her face, but nodded and left.
"Keep pretending. It's all you'll ever have," Lilith seethed to Greg.
"On the contrary. I have the friends I've made during my time here," Greg corrected.
"For now... Until their uneasy spirits all leave you behind..." Lilith glowered.
Clearly winded and sweating, Hugh placed a bloody mary before Chef.
"Here's... your order... sir..." Hugh wheezed. He propped himself up with his hand to keep from collapsing onto the table.
Before Chef could respond, the bell at the door rang again, and David, Genesis, Dunstan, and Godfrey walked in.
"Hello, Total Drama!" David whooped.
Hugh collapsed onto his table.
"Hugh! Stand up straight! Is that any way to greet a guest?!" Dunstan scolded as he took a seat beside Isidora, Joseph, and Chef.
"Dunstan! Bro!" Joseph shared a high-five with him.
"Joseph! How fortunate that we may dine together!" Dunstan smiled.
"Fortunate for you, maybe," Isidora mumbled.
Hugh took a deep breath and forced himself to stand back up. "Good... afternoon, sir. How can I... help you?"
"Your breathlessness suggests weakness! Is that any way for a butler to greet his clientele?!" Dunstan shouted.
"Yeah, sorry, running back and forth across the entire city to grab a few particular ingredients will do that to you." Hugh forced a smile. "What would you like to order?"
"You didn't tell him 'good afternoon'," Chef noted.
"Chef, it's rude to interrupt," Hugh told him, trying his best to hold himself together.
"And it's RUDE for the waitstaff to talk to their chef like that!" Chef argued.
"Hugh, where's the restroom?" Isidora sighed.
"That way!" Hugh pointed. "Er, that way, ma'am."
"Thanks." Isidora left.
Godfrey took a seat at Vladimir's table. Vladimir set a slice of rum cake before Jayne.
"Your cake, ma- ...What's the gender-neutral version of sir or ma'am?" Vladimir asked.
"How about 'friend'?" Jayne suggested.
"Absolutely. Your cake, friend," Vladimir smiled. He turned to Godfrey. "Good afternoon, sir. Is there anything I can get for you?"
"Don't get the mushroom swiss burger. It's mid," Steve Jenkins advised.
"I can't find that on the menu anyway," Godfrey said as he looked it over. "But a club sandwich sounds nice."
"Right away," Vladimir nodded. He turned to the others. "Is there anything else I can get you?"
"Can I have a coffee? JM won't share his with me," Steve Jenkins complained.
"This is all I'm ordering. I think I'm allowed to be selfish," Jean-Marie maintained.
"One French coffee and one club sandwich, coming right up." Vladimir bowed.
"Screw that! I want Arabican!" Steve Jenkins called. "I'm Steve Jenkins, not some Frenchman!"
Jean-Marie tightened his grip on his coffee mug.
Confessional:
Hugh: Great, as if one overbearingly loud asshole wasn't enough! I thought I had it easy when Isidora and Joseph were my first couple guests, but give me a break!
Cyan: Well, I'm doing my best, but I think my guests aren't exactly having the dining experience of their lives. I'm actually starting to feel for every waiter and waitress who's ever messed something up for me. This is not easy!
Frita trudged up to her table once she saw David take a seat.
"Good afternoon, sir. How may I help you?" she asked wearily.
"What's up?!" David greeted heartily. "Man, the energy in here is nuts. I'm just excited!"
"I'll, uh, give you a moment to look over the menu," Frita determined before walking off.
"Ah, a cute lady working in food service playing hard to get... Classic Total Drama," David chuckled.
"You think she's cute?" Lilith questioned.
"Hey, the butler outfit suits her. What can I say?" David shrugged. He looked around the table. "Where is the menu?"
"I'd advise against getting too close to Frita," Lilith said. "You remember how Yolonda toyed with your heart and cut you off with no warning? Frita is so, so, soooooo much more insecure than Yolonda. The moment she gets a hint that things may go wrong for her, she'll run away like the coward she is, and probably blame you too boot."
"...I just said she was cute, I'm not trying to make anything out of it," David winced.
"Yeah, Lilith's just kind of like that," Nolan explained. "As for the menu, uh... Did we ever get a menu?"
"Not that I can recall," Greg ruminated.
Cyan handed Dalit a strawberry parfait. She noticed Genesis now sitting at her table.
"Good afternoon, ma'am," Cyan smiled. "How can I help you?"
"Uh, can I get my order first?" Ernie badgered.
"And me! I was here way before the rest of these rejects!" Irving whined.
"You had your order," Dalit argued.
"Not me food order! Just me drink!" Irving insisted.
"And that already took way too long!" Dalit hounded.
Genesis's eyes darted back and forth between the others as she typed something into her phone. She gestured for Cyan to come read it rather than playing the text-to-speech.
"Hey, how come she gets to, like, order before me?" Ernie grunted.
"And me!" Irving added.
"Oh my god, shut up Irving!" Ernie exasperated.
Genesis rolled her eyes and flicked her wrist at them.
Cyan read over Genesis's note and nodded quietly before returning to the kitchen.
"Leave it to Genesis, taking things for herself before everyone else," Dalit spat.
"Nice to see you again, too," Genesis texted.
Hugh wrote Dunstan's order down on his notepad.
"So let me see if I got this right," Hugh began. "You want an entire three-course meal in the..." he checked his watch. "However much longer we have?"
"Sustenance is always welcome in your body's environment!" Dunstan confirmed.
"You missed a bunch of meals in Virtual Party, bro," Joseph mentioned.
"Only because I had an important game to play! When in Rome, as they say!" Dunstan claimed.
"Bro, if I was in Rome, I'd be eating," Joseph disputed.
"It's worth it," Isidora stated as she returned to the table. "Roman food, I mean."
"Pfeh! What's Rome got that I don't?" Chef scoffed.
"I'll just let them argue over that while I get started on all this," Hugh murmured as he glanced at his notepad.
Vladimir placed a cup of coffee before Steve Jenkins.
"I also have cream and sweetener if you desire, sir," he offered.
"Steve Jenkins is secure enough with himself to admit he likes cream with his coffee," Steve Jenkins requested.
"Of course." Vladimir put a couple coffee creams next to the cup of coffee. He turned to Godfrey. "Your sandwich will be ready shortly, sir."
"Thanks," Godfrey smiled.
As Vladimir left, the four sitting at his table sat in relative silence.
"Our table seems a lot less raucous than the other tables," Jayne noted.
"You were not here before when Steve Jenkins was unsatisfied with his burger," Jean-Marie mentioned. "An item which, I believe, is not on the menu to begin with."
"Does that matter? I'm Steve Jenkins, plus the customer is always right, plus how hard is it to make that kind of thing in the first place?" Steve Jenkins ranted.
"I actually have a question for Godfrey," Jayne said. "...Is it possible to improve my or Greg's AI in the first place? It's something we've both wished for, but..."
Godfrey considered his words carefully. "...To do so would involve a complete personality and memory reset. In essence, it wouldn't be upgrading your AI, it would be replacing your brain altogether."
"...I see," Jayne said, disappointed.
...
...
"Who the hell starts a conversation like that? Now I'm bummed!" Steve Jenkins whined.
"You're right. My apologies," Jayne said hollowly.
Confessional:
Frita: It's a lot to juggle at once. I certainly wasn't planning on becoming a butler or waitress or anything like that in my life, but now I'm actively against the idea. So I'm just kind of maintaining my distance until I get the sense someone needs something. Nobody likes overbearing waitstaff, right?
Vladimir: I do get the sense that I had a relatively easier bunch of customers than the others. Am I complaining? Absolutely not. It's unclear how these things were decided, but if it makes the challenge easier for me, then I - as always - will accept serendipity with open arms.
"Ten minutes until the challenge is over!" Chris announced. "Contestants, if you haven't given your customers their comment cards, you'd better think about doing that!"
"Shoot, I forgot all about those," Cyan groaned from the kitchen.
She put the finishing touches on the strawberry cake before carrying it over to her table.
"Your cake, ma'am," Cyan smiled.
Genesis gave her a thumbs-up and a nod.
"Oh, and whenever y'all have a minute, can you fill these out for me, too?" Cyan set the comment cards and some golf pencils on the table before making her leave.
"No," Irving grinned.
Genesis, with her mouth full, looked back and forth at the card and her cake.
"No rush! Whenever you're ready!" Cyan insisted with a smile.
She hurried away to make sure it didn't seem like she was lurking.
Hugh set Dunstan's appetizer before him, as well as comment cards in front of the other three.
"I'll give you your card alongside dessert," he told Dunstan. "The entree should be ready shortly, sir."
"Thank you, kind staff!" Dunstan acknowledged.
"Man, Chris doesn't know shit about how to pace a good dining experience," Chef griped. "'Ten minutes left'... How are the last guests supposed to finish their food in time?!"
"You think so? If anything, I fear I've been here far too long," Isidora sighed.
"Well, you were the first to show up," Joseph figured. "Also you ordered, like, a third of what Dunstan ordered."
"What can I say? He's a growing boy," Isidora remarked.
"Self-growth is something everyone should strive for, regardless of age or gender!" Dunstan proclaimed.
"I'll be fine with what I ordered," Isidora maintained.
Vladimir placed his comment cards before his guests, and a sandwich before Godfrey.
"I know you two have issues with Hugh and Cyan respectively," Vladimir muttered to Steve Jenkins and Jean-Marie. "Now, I'm certainly not saying you should rate me highly in order to lower the chance that they're safe tonight. That would be highly unprofessional of me as your butler."
"Naturally," Jayne nodded.
Vladimir turned to Godfrey. "I hope you enjoy your meal," he said before retreating to the kitchen.
"Honestly? I kind of respect the hustle," Godfrey admitted. "He's got his eyes on the prize, that's for sure."
"Oui, I suppose he does," Jean-Marie thought aloud. "I, however, do not appreciate such blatant attempts at manipulation. Things like that should not go unpunished, non?"
"Manipulating? As if!" Steve Jenkins denied. "I'm Steve Jenkins, the only person who can manipulate me... is ME!"
"What kind of score will you give Vladimir?" Jayne wondered.
"The kind he deserves, obviously," Steve Jenkins answered. "What do you take me for, someone who... uh... doesn't... do things right? 'Cuz I'm not!"
"I see," Jayne nodded.
Frita scurried up to her table, placed the comment cards in the center, murmured something inaudible, and scurried away again.
"Awwwwww, I think she likes me~" Lilith giggled.
"That's definitely it," Nolan commented.
"Given Frita's general aversion to having expectations enacted upon her, it does not surprise me that she's shied away from us," Greg posited. "In light of this general weakness of hers, the fact that she's done as well as she has is noteworthy."
"Yeah, that makes sense," David considered. "I still want to judge her as fairly as I can, because I bet she'd do the same if she was in our position."
"Say, Nolan, I know a way you can make your review extra fun," Lilith suggested.
"I'm not using my dice," Nolan stated. "That was for my decisions as a contestant. I haven't been a contestant in a while."
"Do it or I'll tell everyone your secret," Lilith threatened.
"Alright. You'll only look more like an asshole, and-"
"CJ is pregnant! It happened shortly after Nolan was voted off!" Lilith announced.
"...and I should have known that would only encourage you," Nolan sighed.
"Lilith, what the fuck, that was for Nolan and CJ to announce when they wanted to!" David scowled.
"How did you even find that out?" Joseph asked from his table. "You know what, I shouldn't even be dignifying you. Don't answer that."
"Oh, a girl has her ways of knowing... Mweeheehee..." Lilith giggled.
"Is it true?" Greg asked Nolan.
"...No, Lilith is just making things up for drama," Nolan said unconvincingly.
"I see," Greg accepted.
Confessional:
Topher: I never want to hear contestants complain about how easy the hosts have it ever again. Keeping up with everyone and making sure it's all running smoothly is incredibly difficult, you know! (He runs his hands through his hair.) But hey, someone's gotta do it. May as well be someone like me who can make it work.
A loud buzzer rang throughout the restaurant.
"Time's up!" Chris announced. "Contestants, collect your comment cards! Patrons, finish your food and drink, and get the heck outta here."
"I will finish my meal when I am ready!" Dunstan insisted. "There is nothing to be gained from rushing! Hence why running in the halls is not welcome in a school environment!"
Cyan, Frita, Hugh, and Vladimir gathered the comment cards from their tables and returned to the kitchen. They handed the cards to Chris.
"Alright, let's start with Hugh," Chris determined. "From Isidora... 4 stars! She commends you for keeping up with the bustle and getting everything to the table quickly. From Joseph... 5 stars! He didn't leave any additional commentary, but hey, no news is good news I guess."
"We take those," Hugh accepted.
"From Chef... 3 stars! He still hates you for stealing from him, but he's kind of impressed you ran all the way to Blaising Tower just to fulfill his order."
"Only three? Give me a goddamn break..." Hugh groaned.
"And from Dunstan... 4 stars! He figures you'd make an excellent butler someday."
"Yeah, well, don't hold your breath," Hugh denied.
"That gives Hugh a total of 16 stars out of a possible 20. Not bad, for an artard," Chris chuckled.
"Hey, that's my marketable catchphrase, damn it!" Hugh objected.
"Frita's turn!" Chris segued. "From Lilith... 3 stars! She only wishes you were more present yada yada something about causing you unrest. She wrote a lot. From Nolan... 4 stars! He says you handled Lilith better than he probably could have if he were in your shoes, and your service wasn't too shabby."
"I think people vastly overestimate my abilities, but... I'll take it?" Frita figured.
"From Greg... 5 stars! He wishes you good luck in the challenge," Chris continued. "And from David... 3 stars! He acknowledges that you put in the effort, but he feels like you skimped out on some areas. Also he thinks the suit looks flattering on you, for what that's worth."
"O-Oh...!" Frita blushed.
"That leaves Frita with a healthy 15 stars," Chris announced. "Nothing guaranteed for anyone so far, but let's see how Cyan did."
"Oh boy," Cyan fretted.
"From Irving... 5 stars! He says revenge is a dish best served cold, but if it keeps up, you'll just keep serving each other cold food. And he actually thinks you did a good job putting up with his BS."
"God that man confuses and annoys me," Cyan commented.
"From Dalit... 2 stars! She says she knows what good servitude looks like, and you'd never get away with keeping your table so rowdy under other circumstances."
"...Well that's just dark, I don't know how I can really respond to that," Cyan frowned.
"From Ernie... Well, he signed his name, and didn't fill any of the rest of the card out, so I'm counting that as 0 stars!" Chris laughed.
"I tried to get to him, I really did," Cyan insisted.
"And from Genesis... 3 stars! She did feel a bit rushed, but the food and service was otherwise good. That leaves Cyan at 10 stars total!"
Cyan made a thin line with her mouth, realizing this meant she was vulnerable tonight. Hugh pumped his fist upon realizing that this meant he was guaranteed safety.
"And last but not least, Vladimir," Chris carried on. "From Steve Jenkins... 3 stars! He says it was a very mid experience, so you get a mid rating. From Jean-Marie... 3 stars! The service and coffee were pretty good, but asking people outright for a good rating to spite your opponents is a bad look."
"Holy shit, you actually did that?!" Hugh cackled.
"I made a suggestion in jest," Vladimir maintained.
"From Jayne... 5 stars! They wish you good luck in the challenge," Chris continued. "And from Godfrey... 5 stars! A satisfying dining experience, he says. That leaves Vladimir with a total of..."
...
...
...
...
...
"16 stars! Meaning Vladimir and Hugh win Invincibility tonight!"
Vladimir let out a sigh of relief. Frita let out a sigh of disappointment.
"Lindsay and I will take care of serving the customers while the vote happens," Topher informed everyone as he and Lindsay arrived in butler outfits of their own. "You'd better make this last elimination ceremony a damn good one!"
"Do your best, everyone! I know you will!" Lindsay encouraged.
"Without further ado, let's head to Elimination Station," Chris grinned.
Confessional:
Hugh: Woo! Yes! Guaranteed final three, baby! And since the challenge is over... AHEM! Fuck Chef's unreasonable ass making me run back and forth across the entire damn city in a nice suit on a summer day! Fuck Dunstan for ordering three whole courses when the challenge was almost over! Fuck Isidora just because! ...Eh, Joseph was alright.
Vladimir: What did I tell you? My fate is in nobody's hands but my own. Even when I face the jury tomorrow, I'll tell them whatever is necessary to ensure my victory. For now, though, I must decide who will join me. Oh, what will I do?
Frita: Welp, there goes my plan to vote out Vladimir. I just need to bank on the fact that Cyan's a pretty obvious jury threat. Surely I can at least do that much, right?
Cyan: My back's against the wall, but this is hardly the first time that's been the case. With Hugh and Vladimir both immune, I need to campaign against Frita. It's not going to feel good, but I think I can do it.
The final four exited the elevator in the ceremony room of Elimination Station. The dark black-and-red galaxy patterns of the ceilings and walls made the mood even more tense. Kiki, Louise, Shadya, Bailey, Quentin, Brittany, and Kun stood in wait as everyone took their lecterns.
"Welcome, one and all, to the final four elimination!" Chris announced. "As always, you have thirty minutes to decide how you want to cast your vote. Hugh and Vladimir are safe, so your options are... limited, let's say."
Cyan cast her vote. "There's no sense in pretending like I have options, here."
"I mean, you could have voted for yourself if you really wanted to. I dunno," Chris shrugged.
Frita cast her vote. "Sorry Cyan, but I'm not going to give up. Not when I've come this far."
"I'm glad! I'd be insulted if you did," Cyan smiled.
"Of course, that leaves the fate of those vulnerable in the hands of Hugh and myself," Vladimir pointed out. "Before either of us cast our vote, I think it's only fair to listen to-"
Hugh cast his vote. "Screw that. I knew exactly how I was voting the second the challenge results were announced!"
"I'm shocked, truly," Cyan sighed.
"Hey, I didn't say it was you," Hugh laughed.
"I know you've been gunning for me forever, Hugh! Don't patronize me," Cyan scolded.
"Exactly! You knew I've been throwing your name out there," Hugh snickered.
"Even if Hugh wanted to deceive everyone, there isn't really any point," Frita claimed. "If he does want Cyan out, then voting for me is only going to make that more difficult. Either it gives Vladimir an easy majority vote against me, or he tricks Vladimir into forcing a tiebreaker, which is probably a short challenge, which there's no way I'd win."
"That's correct. If the vote ties, we'll go into a tiebreaker challenge," Chris confirmed.
"Hugh voted for Cyan," Frita maintained. "And Vladimir, you and I both know Cyan's a huge threat. There's no reason not to vote for her."
"Like I said, I want to hear her out first," Vladimir offered. "That only seems fair, doesn't it? At such a critical juncture of the game?"
"You really want to hear me out? Because I've got words, boy," Cyan said. "I don't think it's controversial to say that Frita hasn't been as flashy or proactive a player as the rest of the final four. No offense, hon, but it's true."
"If anything, that's a charitable way to put it," Frita said.
"But what she does have going for her is a sympathetic journey," Cyan continued. "Frita came into this game as a formerly early boot who still had little to no confidence in herself. Then you said some stuff to her, and she gained some confidence... but it was also pretty clear you were actively manipulating her. Taking advantage of her. Possibly even gaslighting her, assuming you aren't really her old friend. Vladimir, if you sit next to Frita in the end, you lose so many jury votes. I can say for a fact that I would not feel comfortable voting for an abuser when the girl he abused is also an option. And there are a number of people on this jury who I know would feel the same."
"Or you could all ignore that and just vote for me instead!" Hugh interrupted.
"Not now, Hugh," Cyan shot down. "Now, yes, I know it's common perception that I'm sort of a big scary threat. But am I really, compared to you boys? Because from what I've heard, you two have had pretty strong control over the game from the very beginning. It sounds to me like both of you have a strong case to win over me. It'd be harder to do that when Frita's on the table, with her unique story."
"Ignoring the fact that you voted in the majority all premerge, orchestrated an alliance to counter Kun's and Kiki's alliances, and managed to make and maintain strong connections throughout the merge?" Frita countered. "You guys know this is ridiculous, right? Everyone knows Cyan destroys all of us in a jury vote. Just vote her off already."
"Yeah, Vlad, I don't know what you have to gain from dragging this out," Hugh added.
"I was genuinely curious to hear what Cyan had to say," Vladimir said. "After all, let's say she did make it to the final three. I'm sure she'd be singing an entirely different tune. About how she dominated the game from the start, only made a few missteps, and managed to convince us to let her into the end despite all this. It's funny how one's circumstances have such a drastic effect on what they'll tell others."
"So, what, you're just proving some lame pretentious point no one cares about? Figures," Hugh sneered.
"Hugh, who do you think you're talking to?" Vladimir challenged. "I'm someone whose circumstances have dictated a lot. I've done some regrettable things, yes, but if I could tell you why I need the money so badly, I'm sure you'd understand. Of course, I can't tell you, due to the very nature of my circumstances themselves. But in a way, I think I'm a bit jealous of Cyan. Being able to say whatever she wants as it suits her... I've made it this far, and been labeled a threat in my own right, without that kind of luxury."
"Tell me you are not trying to garner sympathy for yourself. After everything?!" Cyan accused.
"I'm just putting things into perspective, is all," Vladimir denied. "I recognize and understand your points about the risk I bear sitting next to Frita in the end. But I still believe you are too powerful an opponent, because you are gifted in ways the rest of us are not."
Vladimir cast his vote.
"Vladimir, please..." Cyan said almost inaudibly.
"I have the votes!" Chris announced. "Since we're past the point where statues are of any use - I see you reaching for your pocket, Hugh!"
"Worth a shot," Hugh shrugged.
"Let's get right into the votes!" Chris determined. "First vote... Cyan!"
Cyan sighed through her nose and folded her arms.
"Second vote... Frita!"
Frita fidgeted with her hands.
"Third vote... Cyan!"
"Well, I did what I could," Cyan said.
"Final vote..."
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"...and the last member of our jury: Cyan!"
Cyan mustered a smile. Tears fell from the corners of her eyes.
"I'm... torn," she said. "On one hand, I feel great that I came so close to winning. On the other hand... I still didn't win. I respect you guys' decision to vote me out, though. Y'all weren't wrong about how I was going to sell my game if I made it."
"Like I said, there's no way any of us were going to beat you. We had to do what we had to do," Frita said.
"Hey, give me some credit, I probably could have done it!" Hugh argued.
"Then why were you pushing so hard for me to go all this time?" Cyan pressed.
"To make it easier on myself, obviously!" Hugh insisted.
"Well, all three of you are going to have a hell of a fight on your hands," Cyan told the final three. "Don't hold back, any of you."
"Me? Hold back? Never," Hugh sneered.
"Any last words from anyone before Cyan gets pulled out of here?"
"You played well, Cyan," Vladimir complimented. "I anticipate your perspective when it's time for me to face the jury."
"Oh, believe me, you shouldn't," Cyan told him.
The ceiling opened up, and the Shackle of Shame slithered down, grasping Cyan by the waist. It yanked her off her feet and pulled her back up above ground, at which point the ceiling shut again.
"You three are going to have a pretty big day tomorrow," Chris told the final three. "Rest up. You'll need it. Dismissed!"
Confessional:
Frita: I mean, yeah, I made it this far for not being a threat. Nobody's going to pretend it was my killer game sense or competitive spirit that got me this far. But... people really don't like Hugh or Vladimir. People don't like me, either, but those two in particular... I should not be optimistic by any means, but strangely, I can't help it. Hopefully that goes away by tomorrow.
Hugh: Who's surprised?! (He cackles.) Okay, I'll admit, I'm a bit surprised. Aggressive players don't usually make it this far without getting cut down. But hey, I earned my spot here in the end, and nobody can argue otherwise! I think I've got a pretty solid case for why I should win this game. As long as the jury aren't all bitter bitches, I've got a real shot, here!
Vladimir: I was always going to be at a disadvantage, with this being how the winner is determined. I haven't shown my real name or face to these people; who can trust someone like that? I've thought long and hard about what to say to the jury when the time comes, and no doubt I'll continue to do so until the time comes. I must win, therefore, I will.
Chris, Topher, and Lindsay stood outside the limits of Drama City.
"It's been a hell of a season, but we have our final three!" Chris announced.
"And I don't know about you, but man oh man, the jury is spoiled for choice, here," Topher laughed. "And by that, I mean how do you decide between three annoying jerks like we've got?"
"Hey, they're not jerks!" Lindsay frowned. "They're just... you know... not always the nicest. But they have nice sides too, deep down!"
"Guess we'll see what the jury has to say about them when the time comes," Chris said. "Tune in next time for our last Aftermath show, where the jury will discuss what they think of the final three. After that: finale night, baby! We'll crown the winner of Total Drama Party with the Stars!"
"Will it be Vladimir, the masked man whose intentions are just as shady as his past?" Topher asked.
"Will it be Frita, the insecure girl who learned to stand up for herself?" Lindsay wondered.
"Or will it be Hugh, the wannabe bad boy turned vaguely-competent villain?" Chris questioned. "I can't wait to find out either, but until then, post on your favorite Total Drama forums about why none of them deserve it and the season is ruined! Hehaha."
"Why do we want them to say things like that?!" Lindsay reacted.
"They were probably going to say that anyway. You know Total Drama fans," Chris said. "But hey, there's no such thing as bad publicity, right? But anyway, I'll see you viewers at home later! On Total!"
"Drama!" Topher and Lindsay continued.
"Party with the Stars!" the three concluded.
Votes:
Cyan - Frita
Frita - Cyan
Hugh - Cyan
Vladimir - Cyan
The Final Three:
Frita - The Morbid Artist
Hugh - The Head Villain
Vladimir - The Untrustworthy Impostor
The Jury:
4th: Cyan - The Sweet Madame Blue
5th: Kun - The Awkward Team Leader
6th: Brittany - The Loyal Bombshell
7th: Quentin - The Lucky Ornithologist
8th: Bailey - The Pragmatic Poet
9th: Shadya - The Genius Athlete
10th: Louise - The Friendly PE Teacher
11th: Kiki - The Strategic Hipster
Eliminated Pre-Merge:
12th: Dalit - The Social Media Model
13th: Nolan - The Wildcard Gambler
14th: Irving - The Chaotic Pirate
15th: Steve Jenkins - The Vlog Icon
16th: Jean-Marie - The Homeless Frenchman
17th: Ernie - The Lazy Law Student
18th: Joseph - The True Bro
19th: Isidora - The Asocial Bookworm
20th: Lilith - The Harbinger of Unrest
A/N: I'm not dead! But Cyan's game sure is! I don't think I came into this season intending for Cyan to be a big protagonistic force, but as the season progressed and the dynamics of the teams started to flesh out, she just kind of naturally slotted herself into that role by necessity. Her performance in Virtual Party showed the potential for her to be a big player, had Irving not cut her game short. This time, their roles reversed, and I think the endgame needed a strong, heroic force like her. And even then, she had a pragmatic edge to her that allowed her to keep up with all the big plays from those opposed to her. She didn't win in the end - while I did consider the possibility, I feared it would have been far too obvious, especially since the last round is a jury vote. The last thing you want is an obvious jury vote, and I hope that the final three we have succeeds on that front.
Next episode is our final Aftermath episode! If you have any questions for Bailey, Quentin, Brittany, Kun, and/or Cyan, I might even feature them in the episode!
