A/N: This update goes out as a birthday gift to my very good friend, WriterKC!
Disclaimer: SVU and all of its characters were created by and are the property of Dick Wolf. I make no profit with this story, which is my own original work.
Olivia woke up confused, trying to orient herself to her surroundings. Once she remembered that she was now in a room on a regular floor and no longer in ICU, things began to make more sense. Her mouth dry, she blindly reached for the tray table beside her bed, only to find it empty. Belatedly, that was when a memory surfaced of a nurse coming in just after midnight to explain that she had a procedure scheduled this morning and wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything until it was completed.
Grateful for the clock on the wall opposite her bed, Olivia noted that the time was just after six. Despite still being tired, she was too full of nervous energy to go to back to sleep. She also considered it too early to text Elliot, not to mention the fact that she didn't want to contact him until later in the day, out of fear that he would show up at the hospital in concern. However, Olivia was willing to guess that if he hadn't already, Elliot would soon be calling her nurses for an update, so he would know about her day before she could tell him herself.
From her knowledge of how things worked in hospitals, Olivia was aware that there was still another hour before shift change. There wasn't anything she really needed at the moment, other than the hope that she would be able to do something today in order to feel clean. Vaguely, she could recall a nurse in the ICU having helped her change gowns and wipe down her arms and legs with rinse free wipes. Given all the contraptions she was still connected to, and considering the fact that she would be having a dialysis catheter inserted into her subclavian vein in just a few hours, it was easy to determine that an an actual shower was out of the question. At a minimum, Olivia hoped for the opportunity to use more of the rinse free wipes. If she were really lucky, perhaps she would also get one of those shower caps with the built in shampoo like she had used on previous inpatient stays. It wouldn't be perfect, but it would be better than nothing at all.
With nothing else to do, and with the tremendous headache making it impossible to either read or watch television to pass the time, Olivia opted to recline bed back a little more. Closing her eyes, she decided she would try and get a little more rest before the next vitals check. A part of her was regretting the choice in having asked Elliot to stay away today, but she wouldn't give in and call – not yet. Not until later. She appreciated everything her partner had done for her, but he needed time for himself, too. No matter how much he had promised, Olivia knew that Elliot hadn't been sleeping properly. Plus, she felt guilty that she had been keeping all of his attention, and knew how much seeing his kids would lift his spirits.
Miraculously, Olivia was able to doze off again. Having the room to herself and the door closed from the staff being on overnight shift had helped. The next time she was awakened was by the sound of a squeaky wheel on the cart that held the blood pressure monitor as the medical technician came in to take her morning vitals.
"Good morning, Detective Benson."
During previous hospital stays, Olivia had always insisted that staff refer to her by her title. She had needed the reassurance, the confidence that it provided to help her feel more secure. Knowing that this visit was going to be infinitely longer than just a brief observation or a few overnights, she instead craved a more informal setting.
"Please, call me Olivia."
"Of course. How are you feeling today?"
Remembering that both her physicians and Elliot had instilled in her that it was imperative to be truthful, Olivia answered honestly.
"I slept better than I expected, but I'm still dealing with a nasty headache."
"I'm sorry to hear that. I'll mention it to your nurse, but I do know you are scheduled to have your dialysis catheter put in a short time from now. You may have to wait until you get back from the procedure and are allowed food and liquid to take any pain relief."
Olivia was disappointed by the news, but not surprised. She had already figured as much anyway. While it was true the headache was bad, she'd certainly dealt with worse.
"That's all right I can manage. However, would it be possible to get an ice pack or something to help until I'm able to take something?"
"Of course. If you don't mind waiting a few minutes, I can get that for you shortly. I just have two more patients to collect vitals on, and then I'll bring it right back."
Olivia nodded, glancing at the younger individual's identification badge, noting that they preferred to be addressed by the initials J.T. Relieved that it was something she wouldn't easily forget, Olivia committed the moniker to memory.
"Thanks J.T., that would be great."
While it hadn't made the headache Olivia was dealing with disappear entirely, the ice that J.T. had brought had helped keep it from getting any worse. Another thing that had passed the time was when dietary brought in a menu so she could select her choices for the following day. Typically it would have been delivered with her breakfast tray, but as she wasn't permitted to eat just yet, they still wanted to make sure she was able to order what she preferred. Yesterday had been so chaotic, Olivia couldn't remember having filled out a menu for today, so she could only reason that if one had been completed, Elliot had taken care of it for her. That didn't bother her in the least, as he knew her tastes just as well – if not better – than she did.
Olivia had just finished with her menu when someone knocked on her door. It wasn't a face she recognized, but judging by the way they were dressed, she reasoned they were here to take her for her procedure. Unsure whether she'd be transported in her entire bed, or if she'd have to move some on her own, Olivia waited patiently for an explanation.
"Good morning, Detective Benson. My name is Whitney. I work with the radiology department, and I'll be taking you down so that our Interventional Radiologist can insert your dialysis catheter into your subclavian vein. Do you think you are able to walk a few steps? I have a gurney out in the hall."
"I should be okay. To be fair, I haven't done any walking since I've been admitted, but I don't feel dizzy or anything like that."
Moving slowly and carefully, Olivia allowed Whitney to stand by her side and assist her as they made their way to the gurney parked in the hall. She was a bit self conscious as to whether or not her gown was gaping open at all in the back, giving any potential spectators a glimpse of her backside, but also still a bit too sick to really give a damn. Thankfully, Whitney was attentive and ever mindful of ensuring that her modesty was preserved. As soon as Olivia was situated on the gurney, Whitney covered her with a blanket, and Olivia was grateful not only for the extra layer of protection from prying eyes, but also for the warmth it provided. If anyone asked her, she'd deny it vehemently, but truth be told, now that the moment was upon her, her anxiety was really starting to get the better of her.
Thankfully, the journey down to radiology did not make her as queasy as the one to her current floor had the day before. However, once they had arrived in the room where the procedure was to take place, Olivia couldn't hold back her shiver. Logically, she understood the need for the cooler temperature, but given that she was still feeling so poorly, the chill in the air made her feel even more uncomfortable than she already did. However, she was determined not to complain, and did her best to keep her face impassive.
Once the pleasantries were exchanged and the interventional radiologist – who had introduced himself as Dr. Cameron – had thoroughly explained what was going to happen, Olivia was helped onto a table that faced what looked like a giant television screen. Having remembered that Dr. Cameron had said that the placement of the dialysis catheter would be guided by imaging, Olivia understood the purpose of the monitor. She had also been relieved to learn that while she would be conscious for the duration, they would be administering a mild sedative via her IV line to keep her calm. Similarly, lidocaine – a local anesthetic – would be used on her skin to keep her from feeling too much discomfort. It had been mentioned that she might feel some minor pressure or other mild sensations, but that pain was not to be expected. If at any time anything became too much for her to handle, she was to immediately speak up so they could do something to counter it.
"Are you ready for me to begin, Olivia?"
"As ready as I'm going to be."
Dr. Cameron smiled warmly in response.
"I hear that a lot. Okay I'm going to inject a small amount of medicine into your IV line. As I explained earlier, it won't put you to sleep, but you may feel a bit warm from it. It will also help keep you relaxed throughout the procedure."
"Okay. Is it all right if I close my eyes?"
"You can do whatever makes you comfortable. I can assure you that while I need to lower your gown somewhat in order to get access for the catheter placement, your chest will not be exposed in any way."
Nodding her head, Olivia exhaled slowly and closed her eyes as she tried to focus on something else entirely. She willed her mind to take her away from the here and now, and was grateful for the quiet in the room to help keep her from being locked in the present.
As it turned out, Dr. Cameron had been telling the truth about the warm sensation he had described, and while Olivia felt a bit tingly from it in her extremities, she was still very much lucid. A cool spray just below her collarbone on her right side had her resisting the urge to shiver, and the sharp smell of antiseptic assailed her nostrils, making her wrinkle her nose in displeasure. She sensed, rather then felt a needle pierce her skin, and even though she wasn't fully paying attention she could hear Dr. Cameron explaining that this particular injection would serve as a local anesthetic.
"Olivia, are you doing okay? I need you to keep breathing for me. I'm almost finished. Are you able to hang in there a little bit longer?"
Olivia wasn't sure where the time had gone. Her mind had drifted somewhere else entirely, taking her with it. She wasn't even conscious of the fact that she was crying, but now recognized the taste of saline when she tasted her tears as they rested on her upper lip. She didn't remember feeling any pain, so she couldn't say if the cause of the emotion had been from the procedure itself or just a means of trying to process everything that had happened so far.
"I'm doing okay. There really isn't any pain, like you said, only a mild discomfort and pressure. If anything, it's this headache that's bothering me the most."
"I'm sorry to hear that. I'll try to get you finished up as soon as I can. That way you can get up to your room where they'll not only be able to give you something for the pain, but I'm sure eating will help, too."
With another deep breath, Olivia tried to clear her mind yet again as she settled in for the last few minutes before she'd be able to move. She didn't consider herself an anxious person, but having to lay so perfectly still was proving to be a difficult task. Not only was she acutely aware of every twitch her body made, but it seemed the more she thought about it, the more random itches she would get that she couldn't do anything about. It was infuriating.
"Okay, Olivia. I have the catheter in place. I just need to remove the guide wire, and close the entry with a single stitch and you'll be all set to go back up to your room. The stitch will absorb into your body over time, so you don't have to worry about getting it removed."
A few minutes later, Olivia was back on the gurney that had transported her down here, covered once more in warm blankets and waiting to be taken back upstairs. She tried not to think about the fact that her first dialysis session would be the following morning, as she wasn't ready to accept that treatment being part of her reality just yet. Instead, she closed her eyes and passed the time hoping that her headache would go away soon.
A short time after having been settled back in her room, Olivia had been given some Tylenol to help with her discomfort and, since she had missed breakfast, a light snack consisting of a couple of mini muffins, plus some Greek yogurt with a cup of fruit on the side. It wasn't a lot of food, but considering Olivia's appetite was still lacking, and lunch would be served in less than two hours, it was the perfect amount. What Olivia really appreciated – even if it wasn't the best she had ever tasted – was the cup of coffee that she was allowed to have. Granted, it would count against her fluid intake for the day, but she was permitting herself to have this one luxury only in the hope that the caffeine would help combat some of the headache.
While she was resting, Olivia heard footsteps enter her room and she opened her eyes to see who her new visitor was. The 'guest' was none other than Gina, the nurse who had been assigned as her caretaker for the day shift. It wasn't Gina's presence that had sparked Olivia's interest, however, but rather the reason behind it.
"So, Olivia. I know you haven't seen either of your doctors yet today, as they are running rounds a bit later than usual, but we have been keeping Dr. Abrhams updated on your urine output. He is so pleased with your progress that he has decided that it is safe to finally remove the catheter in your bladder and allow you to use the bathroom normally."
Aside from when she had been told the day before that she was being moved out of Intensive Care, this was the best news Olivia had received since she had woken up here in the hospital. The catheter collecting her urine output didn't hurt, but it wasn't exactly comfortable, either. Plus, having it removed might make it possible for her to get washed up on her own, even if it was just another glorified sponge bath. Anything at this point would be better than what she was currently dealing with, so long as she could feel clean.
"Do you think I could have some supplies to get clean after, too? They mentioned I'm not allowed to get the dialysis catheter site wet, but I would love to get clean. I can't even remember the last time I was able to comb my hair, let alone wash it."
"Of course. We'll get you situated, and then I'll send JT in with with some heated wipes that have rinse free soap on them, as well as a shampoo cap. Would you like another gown, or do you have some of your own comfortable clothes that you'd prefer to wear?"
"I think I'd prefer my own clothes, if that's all right."
"Not a problem at all. Are you steady enough on your feet to make it to the bathroom? It might be easier to remove the urinary catheter in there."
Olivia considered the question for a few moments. She was tired, but the bathroom wasn't that far away, and it wasn't as though she would be on her own. Plus, she had been confined to bed for days. Much like it had this morning when walking to the hall for her transport downstairs, she welcomed the idea of being able to take a few steps, even if it was with assistance.
"Yes, I can make it to the bathroom."
That was where she found herself mere moment later, facing Gina as the younger woman explained what was about to happen. Olivia may have been unaware when they put the urinary catheter in – a fact that she was all too grateful for – but she was one hundred percent alert now.
"You'll feel a mild sensation as I deflate the balloon, then a small amount of pressure as I remove the catheter. What you should not feel is any pain. If you do, please tell me immediately. Also, if you need to steady yourself, you can rest your hands on my shoulders to aid your balance."
That sounded like a good idea to Olivia. She wasn't dizzy, but her body was still very weak from the way her sudden illness had taken such a harsh hold on her, and she still had a long way to go in healing. The last thing she needed was a setback in the way of broken bone or bruises from falling on her ass in a hospital bathroom. Trying the same distraction techniques she had used earlier in the day, she focused her mind elsewhere, only returning to the present when the awkward sensation between her legs had dissipated.
Olivia hadn't been back in her bed for long before JT came into the room, bringing with them the promised cleansing wipes, shampoo cap, and towels. As Olivia had found the clothes she had wanted to change into prior to getting settled, she didn't need anything else, and after making sure their help was not necessary, JT drew the privacy curtain around the bed, leaving Olivia on her own to get clean.
It wasn't a perfect situation by any means, and if Olivia had her way, she would be back in her apartment standing under the hot spray of her shower for an endless duration of time. But this was what she had to work with, so she would make the best of it. Grateful for the fact that both the wipes and the shampoo cap had been heated in the microwave to be as warm as possible without the risk of burning her skin, Olivia slipped out of her gown and balled it up to set it on her tray table by the bed. Where she hadn't felt it before, she was now aware of the slight chill in the air that made her shiver, so she moved as quickly and efficiently as possible, opting to save the shampoo cap for last.
After she was done and had dried herself to the best of her ability, Olivia dressed in 'real' clothes for the first time in as long as she could remember. Granted, they were just glorified pajamas, but it felt wonderful. Donning a pair of flannel bottoms and a tank top, she slipped her arms into the sleeve of Elliot's gray hoodie – an item that once she had spied it among her belongings had brought tears to her eyes.
Not wanting to get out of bed again, but also hesitant to be a nuisance to the staff, Olivia moved the used towels and formerly worn gown to the chair beside the bed that Elliot had occupied the day before. She was also able to reach out and grab hold of the curtain to draw it back. This freed up her tray table, which she was guessing she would need shortly whenever lunch trays would be delivered.
Feeling more human than she had in ages, Olivia pulled the blanket back up over herself. She still wasn't in the mood to pass the time by watching television, but was considering maybe checking the messages on her phone after she'd had something else to eat in a bit. A part of her longed to talk to Elliot, but the last thing she wanted to do was bother him on his one day of freedom. Instead, she leaned back against the pillows, closed her eyes, and tried to rest.
It wasn't until she heard the sound of the meal carts in the hallway that Olivia realized she had actually fallen asleep. Positioning herself better in the bed, she pulled the table next to her over so it would be easier to eat from, having gotten herself situated just in time for a dietary aide to walk into her room with her lunch. Thanking the woman, Olivia waited until she was on her own again before removing the plastic cloche to reveal what was on her tray.
Knowing these selections weren't her own, Olivia could only determine that Elliot had chosen well. Her lunch seemed to consist of a side salad with a balsamic vinaigrette, a grilled chicken breast, steamed vegetables, and some apple slices. Opting to eat the salad and chicken as one entire portion, Olivia sliced the protein into strips and piled it on top of the greens, then added the dressing. The steamed vegetables did not look as appealing as the ones the night before had, so she was opting to leave them uneaten. As for the apples, Olivia was considering saving those for later, for a time when she might need something to snack on while while she waited for dinner. She just wasn't sure if she would actually have a desire to eat them, or if they would be used to combat boredom. Either way, the distraction would be appreciated.
Her appetite still wasn't back to normal, having lain dormant for many months, but since she had been restricted from food during the majority of her inpatient stay – the exception having only been broken the previous night – Olivia was feeling the sensation of hunger for the first time in ages.
Considering that it was from a hospital kitchen, the food was remarkably good, if somewhat on the bland side. Olivia understood the most likely reason for that came from her sodium limitations, but had no desire to use the salt substitute packet – at least not on a salad. Maybe once her thoughts were more coherent, and once she had a chance to talk to the dietary specialist that Gina had mentioned might be coming to see her either today or tomorrow, she could look into alternative options to enhance the flavors of her food safely. For now though, it served the purpose of filling her belly and providing the nutrients she needed.
Once she was finished with her food, Olivia pushed the tray away. She wouldn't deny that she was restless, but considering that she couldn't even make it the few steps it took to the bathroom without getting winded, traipsing the halls wouldn't be a good idea. That didn't even take into account the fact that she was still tethered to the IV line. Perhaps the next time Elliot came to visit, she could persuade him into joining her for a short walk around the ward – provided the doctors said it was okay. Until then, Olivia would simply have to find alternative methods to pass the time besides staring at the clock watching the minutes tick by slowly.
Still too troubled by the lingering headache to consider watching television or attempt reading something on her tablet, Olivia instead opted to play some music on her cell phone. She didn't want anything too loud, but needed something to break up the silence of her room and drown out the hospital sounds filtering in from the hall. Easily finding her favorite soothing playlist she often listened to while unwinding at home, Olivia tried again to relax. Despite her every effort to fight against the exhaustion consuming her and remain awake, the fatigue won out yet again, and she was asleep within minutes.
Some time later, Olivia stirred, having sensed, rather than heard, another presence in the room. While her sleep had been relatively dreamless, the closer she had drifted to consciousness, the more her mind had focused on her partner. So much, in fact, that Olivia had been convinced that she could smell the scent of Elliot's cologne as though he were sitting beside her. Perhaps that's why she wasn't that surprised when she awoke and found herself staring into a pair of concerned blue eyes. Even though she had given Elliot explicit instructions to remain at home and take some time to himself only the day before, Olivia couldn't help but feel relief at knowing that her partner had only heeded her request for a little while. Though she'd never admit it to another soul, she had been feeling incredibly isolated and alone, and regretting her decision to have him stay away. She was so glad he hadn't listened to her.
"Don't be mad, Liv. I know what you told me, but I just wanted to be here for you. I promise, I took some time for myself. Got some extra sleep, then took the kids to lunch."
"I'm not mad, El. If you tell anyone this, I'll deny it, but I was hoping you would ignore my instructions and show up anyway."
An expression that Olivia couldn't quite define took hold of Elliot's features, and he reached out a gentle hand to brush her hair off her forehead, using the utmost care to not dislodge the nasal cannula that was still providing her with supplemental oxygen.
"Why didn't you call me? You know I'd have been here in a heartbeat."
"Because I didn't want to be selfish. You've already done so much for me, I hate thinking that you're spending all your free time on me. Plus, you need to take care of yourself, too."
Olivia closed her eyes when Elliot leaned in, savoring the feel of his lips grazing ever so softly against her temple. It was a more recent gesture of affection that was becoming all too familiar, but one she hoped wouldn't go away any time soon. It wasn't often she allowed herself to accept comfort from others, but at least when the person offering it was Elliot, it didn't make her feel weak.
"Let me worry about that, Liv. Your only job right now is to focus on yourself and get well, okay?"
"I hear you."
They spent the next few minutes talking about their respective lunches – Elliot's had understandably been more interesting than Olivia's, but she loved hearing all the news and updates about what was going on in the lives of all the Stabler kids. She also expressed her gratitude for the selections Elliot had made for her. That was when they made plans to share the evening meal together, so Olivia wouldn't have to eat alone. Elliot shared his idea that once the dinner trays were due to arrive, he would head down to the cafeteria to grab something for himself. He also let a secret of sorts slip – that dinner would basically be the same as lunch, and apologized for the repetition. It was just until they were able to talk with someone about what the variety of options were for a renal diet, he didn't want to make a selection that would be unavailable, causing Olivia to be stuck with a random item. Grilled chicken, vegetables, and salads were the safest bet. Not angry in the slightest, Olivia understood perfectly and reassured Elliot she would have done the same thing, and had in fact done exactly that earlier in the morning when making her choices for the following day.
Later in the the afternoon, not long after shift change for the nursing staff, Olivia was surprised to see Gina come back in her room. That was, at least, until the younger woman explained that she was working a double shift and would be assigned to her care until the night nurses came in at eleven.
"I won't bother you for long, Olivia. I was just checking in to see if you needed any more pain relief, and also wanted to let you know that you've been scheduled for your first dialysis tomorrow morning at seven. You can expect the session to last approximately four hours."
In mere moments, everything became all too real for Olivia, who had been able to deal with the prospect of dialysis when it was merely a concept, but now that it was in her imminent future, was suddenly too much to handle. At a loss for words, she glanced to Elliot for help. One look at her partner's face told her that he was floundering just as much as she was, but Olivia knew he would have her back – just as he always did.
"Would that be something I'd be able to sit with her for, to keep her company?"
Gina's expression became sympathetic, and it was obvious that her next words were genuine.
"I'm sorry, but no. For the sake of our patients, we like to try and keep the dialysis environment as sterile as possible. Even when it is done on an outpatient basis, no family or friends are allowed to be present. However, you would be able to take a book or something with you to help you pass the time."
Now that she'd found her voice again, Olivia's first instinct was to absolve Elliot of the guilt she knew he'd be feeling.
"I'll be fine, El. You can get some extra rest, and come and visit me after. Who knows maybe I'll even try and sleep through it myself."
Gina stayed a few minutes longer, to make sure that neither of the detectives had any questions, and then left the room. Once they were alone again, Elliot's first act was to apologize to his partner.
"I'm sorry, Liv. I wish I could be there with you for it. I promised you I would be."
"And it's not your fault that you can't. I can take my phone with me, though, and keep you updated through text, though. Plus, like I said, you can come visit after, and we can have lunch together."
Elliot reached for Olivia's hand, and she extended hers in return. They kept the contact brief, but it meant volumes to each of them. Sensing the atmosphere in the room was getting too heavy, Elliot then attempting to change the subject.
"So, you haven't yet had a chance to tell me much about your day."
Olivia went on to explain about her adventures, such as they were. The highlight had obviously been the opportunity to freshen up and put on some of her own comfortable clothes. Getting the catheter removed and being granted the ability to use the bathroom on her own was another accomplishment. The other main part had been the procedure she'd had that morning. As she explained the details of everything that had happened to Elliot, Olivia had to hide her smile as she noticed him trying to hide his wincing at certain parts.
"That sounds like it would have hurt."
"Well it certainly didn't tickle, El. But overall, it wasn't that bad. I'm not going to say I'm not nervous about tomorrow, but the more time I have to think about it, the more I'm able to accept it."
"You have to know I'd trade places with you if I could."
"That means a lot, Elliot, but I wouldn't want you to. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy."
"Not even on Tucker?"
Olivia paused for a moment, as though she were giving Elliot's suggestion a great deal of consideration. Then, with all seriousness she spoke again.
"Not even Tucker."
The partner's enjoyed some quiet companionship for the next hour or so, with Olivia dozing lightly and Elliot keeping watch by her bedside. When the clock on the wall reached a certain time, he excused himself long enough to head down to the cafeteria to get some dinner, knowing the meal trays would be delivered soon. The timing ended up working perfectly, as Olivia's food had just arrived when he was walking back through the door to her room. If she was disappointed about another offering of grilled chicken, salad, and vegetables it wasn't obvious on her face. Elliot had made similar selections for himself, opting not to pick anything that would tempt his partner who was currently facing a limited diet.
Despite the altered setting, sharing a meal with Elliot felt very much like old times to Olivia. A part of her felt the need to apologize for not having been a very good friend or partner lately, but she bit her tongue, knowing instinctively what Elliot would say to her. She was also extremely grateful for the company, and relieved for any distraction that would keep her focus off what awaited her the following morning.
Just as they were about finished eating, Elliot's phone rang, breaking the companionable silence that had settled between them. His knowing grin before he answered told Olivia exactly who was calling. If she had to guess, it was likely either Fin or Munch, both of whom had texted her privately, but had held off on calling in person out of respect for her need to rest.
"Hey, Fin. Yes. I'm here at the hospital with her now, actually. I can ask if you want."
Glancing up at Olivia, Elliot directed his next question to her.
"Don't feel pressured to say yes, Liv, but do you think you'd be up to some visitors tomorrow? Fin, Munch, and the Cap would like to stop by for a little while. If you're too tired after dialysis we can always tell them another day is better."
Recognizing her partner's protective streak immediately, Olivia didn't hesitate to reassure him.
"It's fine, El. I want to see them, too."
Going back to his phone call, Elliot finalized plans with Fin for the following day. Of course, everything was also dependent on whether or not a case came in at the last minute, but if plans went accordingly, Olivia would be able to see her other friends for the first time in over a week.
After dinner, Olivia was feeling more alert than she had in days, but still not in the mood to watch anything. The near constant headaches were a nuisance, but not as bad as they had been. Elliot had made the offer to read to her from one of her favorite novels on her tablet, but she declined. His next suggestion was that they pass the time by playing a simple game. Confused at first, it was then Olivia realized that her partner had stashed a deck of cards among her belongings. Knowing Olivia didn't have the ability to concentrate on anything complicated, and wanting something that would keep them busy, Elliot suggested an old favorite of his kids, which was War. Part of him also secretly hoped the healthy competition would help strengthen Olivia's fighting spirit, which she was definitely going to be needing.
They ended up not ever finding an actual winner, the game having been decided by who had the most cards. Olivia was determined to be the victor, though it was only by a narrow margin. Elliot had ended up calling their match a draw when he saw not only how tired his partner was becoming, but that visiting hours were nearly over. He wanted to enjoy what little time he had left with Olivia to help alleviate any anxieties she may or may not be readily able to admit by just offering whatever support he could.
"Is there anything you would like me to bring you tomorrow, Liv? Something else from your apartment, maybe?"
"I can't think of anything. I also know that I've been telling you to get rest for yourself, but if you could try and be here by the time I get back from dialysis, I'd really appreciate it. Someone is supposed to come see me tomorrow to talk about my options on the renal diet, and I'd really love to have an extra set of ears around to help me process things."
Concern washing over his features, Elliot didn't hesitate to move from his to perch on the side of the bed by Olivia's hip. In a gesture that was far more intimate than either were typically accustomed to in their daily lives, he reached out one hand to cup her cheek in his palm. Blue eyes gazed into brown, and when he spoke, empathy seeped from his tone.
"Liv, I'm in this fight with you for the long haul. Whatever you need, no matter how minor you might think it is, all you have to do is ask, and I'm there."
It was obvious Olivia was touched by her partner's words, but something in her expression that said she was worried he would take things a step too far. It didn't take a genius to figure out what she was thinking about – it was a subject that had been in the back of Elliot's mind ever since he'd first been told Olivia's diagnosis was acute kidney failure. But it was far too late in the evening to be bringing up the topic of Elliot potentially being a donor, not to mention the fact that they were both feeling emotional. Neither were ignoring that it was a conversation that needed to be had - much like the one about the letter about her wishes regarding medical care that Olivia had entrusted to Cragen to be given to Elliot – but that, too, was better saved for a more appropriate time.
Olivia raised her hand, covering Elliot's where his palm still rested against her cheek. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears as she finally found the words to reply.
"I know I haven't been in the best of moods lately – even before I ended up here in the hospital. I want you to know how much your support means to me."
Leaning forward to press a feather-soft kiss on his partner's forehead, Elliot pulled back to look into her eyes once more.
"You'd do the same thing for me, Liv. It's what we do. Almost thirteen years together, remember? Who else is going to have your back if not for me?"
Olivia smiled then, one of the few genuine smiles she had been able to manage in months. She wanted to say more to Elliot, but they were interrupted by Gina, who had unfortunately come in to announce the end of visiting hours. Struck by a sudden thought, and wanting to catch Elliot before he left for the evening, Olivia asked her nurse a question.
"I know I'm on a restricted diet for most things, but do you happen to know if I'd be allowed hard candy? My mouth still gets so dry."
Gina directed her answer to both of the Detectives.
"That wouldn't be a problem. The only thing is, you should make sure they are either low in sugar or sugar free. You are out of the danger zone, but for the time being, we are still monitoring your blood sugar and treating you with insulin until we can determine the cause for you having been in ketoacidosis the day you were admitted."
"Not a problem. I just wanted something to help so I wouldn't have to rely on water, given my limited allowance. El, do you think you can -"
Intercepting the question before Olivia could even finish asking it, Elliot answered almost immediately.
"I've got you covered, Liv. I'll stop at the store on my way home tonight, and bring something in for you tomorrow."
The two partners were left on their own once again to say their farewells, and Elliot told Olivia to call him later that night if she were able. He fully understood fatigue and exhaustion might take over after he left, and chances were good she might sleep through the night. In turn, Olivia made him promise he would text her when he got back to his apartment.
Once Elliot had left, and with the assistance of an aide, Olivia used the bathroom for one final time before bed, enjoying that she could once again brush her teeth at an actual sink. Crawling under the covers, she tried to push all thoughts of the following morning from her mind and instead focused on the things she was looking forward to – seeing her friends. The days in the hospital were crawling by far too slowly for her liking, but each new day meant she was one step closer to going home than she had been before.
