Author's Notes: 'Maeve Wiley' is a great name for a character.
Chapter 5
Maeve sat on the bench opposite their wall and grimaced as she shook her lighter then raised it to the tip of her cigarette. She took a few puffs and made sure the smoke was blowing away from Otis.
She studied him as he idly gazed over the landscape beyond the wall, wrapped in his thoughts, and multiple scenarios ran through her head as she pondered ways of telling him without freaking him out and came up with nothing that didn't end badly.
She loved him. Any reaction she could imagine was fine with her as well as, she hoped, any she couldn't, but she knew it was too soon for him to feel comfortable letting her see too much of his inexperience and confusion and vulnerability. She needed to find a place with those four walls of trust he spoke about, either real or imagined, where he could safely experience any reaction he had to her words without him feeling he had let himself down in her eyes and she couldn't think of any such place.
She sighed softly to herself and forced her mind to leave her dilemma for the moment, hoping inspiration would strike soon.
She suddenly remembered a message from ancient history and said, "Jackson says he's sorry, by the way."
She was pleased to see a flash of anger flicker across Otis' face but he only nodded in acknowledgement and was silent.
"He'll tell you himself but he just wanted me to pass it on now. So you know he was."
Otis nodded flatly then frowned and turned to study her. "You broke up with him."
She nodded. "Yeah."
"I'm—"
"Don't say sorry."
He fell silent and simply studied her.
"It's not because of this… well, it is because of this but… it would have happened anyway. We were just… It was ending. Might have ended at the dance if things hadn't blown up."
"Why?" he asked then berated himself. "No, sorry, not my business."
She smiled softly at him. "Probably because it wasn't real. No, it was real… A lot of it was real, but… I don't know… He's just not the guy I really want anymore..."
He was silent and she hoped he was wondering exactly who the guy she wanted was.
"I really did think you were pushing me to be with him with all the talk about boyfriends," she continued. "And when he was singing in the caff and I could see you looking at me I thought you were urging me to go for it. Take a chance. Step outside myself."
Otis turned to her. "When I heard the announcement I knew what was going to happen and I came to try to stop it but it was too late."
She looked quizzically at him until he noticed.
"I was talking with a client and told her you can't engineer a relationship and that's what Jackson was doing with my help and I realized I had to do the right thing and stop it and tell you. But when you accepted it there seemed no reason for me to say anything. You seemed happy. I thought things had worked out and it was okay. And telling you would just spoil it."
She smiled softly at him. "It was okay. I was happy. Not head over heels fairytale romance happy but I was happy. Happy enough. I don't regret being with him. Well, I do regret being with him but not for the reason you'll think."
"What reason?"
"I'll tell you someday."
He nodded and shrugged and they both turned to gaze across the landscape beyond the wall.
"If I had given Jackson the double-barrels would you really have told me?" she eventually asked.
Otis sighed. "I would have wanted to. I would have thought about it. But I don't know if I would have been too much of a coward to actually do it. Probably I would have been a coward."
"Probably a good thing I said yes, then. If you told me back then I don't think I would have wanted to forgive you."
She watched him swallow before he turned to her and gave her a small smile of acknowledgement.
She shrugged. "Maybe I would have."
She pouted. "I hope I would have."
She fell silent and Otis turned away to the landscape again.
"Just don't do it again," she said. "Come and tell me next time."
He thought for a moment then dropped his head and smiled and leaned closer to her.
"Fred Highmarker came up to me a while back and said he liked you and wanted to know how he can get you to dump Jackson for him."
"Did you take the case?"
"No, of course not," he said, indignantly.
Maeve shook her head. "You're a lousy businessman. You could have said the job was finally done and taken the money."
He turned to look at her, puzzled. "Do you want to go out with Fred Highmarker?
"No, but I need the money."
Otis smiled. "I did tell him if you were ever single I would let you know how he felt and if you said it was okay, I'd tell him he could go ahead and try to ask you out. I don't know if I should have said even that. I hate ethical dilemmas."
She was silent but smiling softly.
"So should I go ahead and tell him?"
She shrugged. "If you think he's good enough for me."
"I could plan a really Big Grand Gesture for him."
"Don't you dare."
"Now what's something that hasn't been done before?"
"Fuck off."
He laughed and she smiled secretly at the sound.
"Don't go and tell him. He's not the one I want," she finally said.
He thought for a moment then spoke cautiously.
"Maeve, if you need money to tide you over, I can lend you some if you like."
"I'm not a charity case, Otis."
"I never thought you were, but you are a friend."
She was silent for a moment. "Ask me tomorrow."
"Okay."
"And thanks."
They were silent again until she finally had to ask.
"I still don't get it, Otis. Why did loving me stop you from telling me about Jackson?"
Otis sighed and took a long moment before speaking. "I didn't want you to know."
"I've kind of figured that, dummy. But why…?"
"Because you would never be interested in me like that and I was afraid you'd push me away."
A wave of anger surged through her. "Don't tell me who I would or wouldn't be interested in," she snapped and watched him jump.
"I'm sorry," he said quickly, startled.
"Sorry for snapping." She didn't sound sorry.
Otis felt as if he had suddenly stumbled blindly into an unseen minefield and said nothing.
"You get me pretty well, Otis, but you clearly don't understand everything about me."
"I know," he said slowly.
She relaxed and studied the fingernails on the hand closest to him. "If you came up to me talking about Sylvia Plath or listening to Bikini Kill, you don't know how I'd react."
He hesitated and confessed. "I did kind of buy a copy of The Bell Jar and read it. And I brought out dad's old Nirvana albums and listened to them a few times until it became too painful after you got together with Jackson. And I rented 'Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?' but I think I misunderstood that one."
She pouted a smile at him then pressed her lips together. "There, see? You could have used all that stuff you did know about me to try to 'get' me? You could have intrigued me more than you already were."
"But it would have been just as fake as Jackson. I don't think I liked The Bell Jar."
"You didn't read it properly."
He nodded in agreement. "Well, I was kind of thinking about you while I was reading it and may have been a bit distracted with… other thoughts."
Maeve's eyes glittered as she hoped she knew exactly what other thoughts he may have been thinking.
Otis looked blandly at her smile then his eyes widened suddenly as he realized and he began twitching like he had sat on a live wire. "No… Maeve… Not… those thoughts… I would never… That would be… objectification and I… I did dream, but… no, no, I didn't dream of… pants—not pants-… and… it was thoughts of-"
"Otis," she said, firmly but gently, a smirk on her face.
He stopped twitching and looked at her, horrified and embarrassed.
"Shut up," she said and raised her eyebrows as if to add "Ok?"
He nodded and settled down but he couldn't look at her.
She studied him gently in his discomfort.
"It's okay for you to think of me like that, Otis," she said, gently. "I don't mind."
She could see he couldn't or wouldn't understand her real meaning and she wished she could resent him for making it so difficult for her to say those three little words when he had already said them to her but she couldn't. She couldn't.
"Why do you think I wouldn't be interested in you like that?" she asked eventually, genuinely curious.
He put his foot on the mine without thinking. "Because you are so much higher up on the food chain than I am."
She frowned. That sounded like something she was going to be really annoyed about. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Let's not talk about this," he urged, hoping the next minefield had flashing neon signs and a blaring horn and someone yelling at him through a megaphone to turn back before he took another step.
She shook her head firmly. "No, honesty, muppet, remember?"
He looked at her and saw that there was no escape and closed his eyes and braced himself and put his foot on the next mine. "You're a lion and I'm a kangaroo."
"What?"
Otis sighed and struggled to find the words and she pondered and in a flash of inspiration knew exactly what he was trying not to say.
She huffed in disbelief and glared at him, really annoyed. "Do you think I'm that shallow, Otis? I can only fall for someone with the abs and the glutes and that whole package?"
He kicked himself for not thinking of that implication and turned to her in horror. "No, Maeve, no. You're not shallow. You're one of the deepest people I think I know. I love Eric but the conversations I've had with you have been the deepest and most meaningful I've ever had with anyone."
She held her glare for a moment then softened and watched him relax a little. "Same for me."
There was silence between them for a while.
"Don't put yourself down either, Otis," she finally said. "You're amazing."
He snorted.
"And you're cute and handsome."
"You're very kind, Maeve," he said, skeptically appreciative.
"There's no reason I wouldn't fall in love with you," she murmured and wished he would understand.
"That's what the argument with Ola was about," he eventually said with a sigh as he passed the neon sign without seeing it.
"What?"
"She thought we'd been dating and I told her, no, because…" He waved his hand a little. "Then I said you were a lion and I was a kangaroo."
She looked at him, eyes wide with anticipated dread. "What did you call Ola?"
He cringed and said, "I called her a goat."
She threw her head back in disbelief. "Bloody hell, Otis."
Quickly. "But then I said she was a housecat."
Maeve sat in stunned silence for a few moments then asked, "What did she say?"
"'You're not a kangaroo, Otis. You're an arsehole.'"
"Too bloody right you're an arsehole."
Otis swallowed and nodded in pained agreement.
"You owe her an apology."
He nodded and sighed and reached for his pocket to take out his phone.
"Later," she commanded.
He moved his hand away from his pocket as if burned.
Maeve was still shaking her head in disbelief. "How can you be so wise and insightful when it comes to so much and still be that thick?"
Otis shrugged and kept quiet, hoping that if he remained in the one spot he would be safe because a minefield wouldn't suddenly be leaping at him.
"'GOAT' means 'Goddess Of All Things'," Maeve finally said.
Otis stared across the field beyond the wall, grateful that minefields hibernated in silence.
Maeve stared across the field beyond the wall, marveling at the contradictions in this man she was in love with and how he could have so much compassion for and understanding of other people and yet so little for himself.
The silence was broken by a delighted masculine squeal behind them and Maeve and Otis leapt to their feet and turned to see a grinning Eric walking toward them.
"Are you two friends again?" Eric asked, looking between them hopefully.
Otis spoke first. "I've just come to apologize to Maeve for hurting her and we're just seeing if I can ever be lucky enough to call her my friend again."
Maeve shook her head and rolled her eyes and said, "Yes, we're friends again, Eric."
Eric turned to Maeve and said, conspiratorially, "He gives good apology, doesn't he?"
She glanced at Otis and smiled and nodded in agreement.
"I'm having a lot of practice lately," Otis said regretfully.
"You need to try not having to practice at all," Eric replied, drily.
"Yes, well, I've told Maeve everything about the situation with Jackson and I'm not presuming but if she's ever going to trust me again from now on I know I have to be completely honest with her. So hopefully no more apologies necessary."
"Good plan." Eric glanced at Maeve and made sure she couldn't see his lips then murmured in Otis' ear, "I bet you haven't told Maeve you love her, yet."
Otis raised his voice to prove he wasn't concealing anything from Maeve. "Yes, Eric, I have told Maeve I love her."
Startled, Eric looked at Maeve who nodded, smiling.
"I actually told her last night. I just didn't tell you," Otis said.
Eric stared at Maeve in near-disbelief.
"He told you he loved you?"
She nodded.
"Did he faint?"
She shook her head.
"Did he have a panic attack?"
She grimaced and wavered her hand a little. "Sort of."
"Did he go that combination of green and yellow that looks as if he should be playing for Norwich City."
She grinned and shook her head again.
Eric frowned at her. "And you're okay with him saying that?"
"Maeve has been kind enough to not run screaming from the thought, Eric," Otis said exasperatedly, stepping away to look over the field, back turned to them.
Maeve nodded and Eric's eyes began to light up with understanding and he was about to let out another squeal until he saw Maeve vigorously shake her head.
Eric stared at her open mouthed as she bit her lip and her eyes silently pleaded with him then he turned to look at Otis.
"Um, I have to go try and catch Mr Hendrix before his first Irish coffee so I can apologize to him but I'll catch you later."
He looked at Maeve and mouthed: Both of you.
Maeve nodded and Eric smiled and she gave him a grateful smile in return.
Eric checked to see he wasn't looking then pointed at Otis and mouthed to Maeve: Best friend. Thick as a brick.
She nodded and smiled and then had a thought and called, "Wait, Eric."
Eric looked at her quizzically as she walked up to him and said, "I actually need to do something before first bell but I need to tell Otis something now and I'm not sure how he'll take it. Would you be able to stay with him just in case he freaks out? You could catch up with Mr Hendrix later."
Otis turned to look at her with concern. "Maeve…?" he asked.
"Oh, it's nothing bad, Otis. Promise."
Eric looked at her questioningly and she nodded and he smiled, holding back a squeal.
"Wouldn't miss this for the world," he said softly to her.
Maeve walked to Otis and tried to hide her smile at his worried look. "I won't be long. I'll meet you at the lockers, okay?"
"Okay."
She took a deep breath and looked calmly into his eyes. "There's just one more thing you need to do for me, first."
"Anything."
"Give me a hug," she said gently.
Otis took a moment to register his surprise then stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her and felt her arms around him in the way he had longed to feel again these past few months. They felt even better this time.
Maeve spoke gently into his ear. "In case you're not getting it, because, you know, you can be a bit thick sometimes, muppet, I've forgiven you for everything. I'm not mad anymore. Well, maybe a little bit, but that's nothing. I'll be over it in an instant. By lunchtime. No more being mad at my cookie monster." She took a deep breath and lit the fuse. "I'm in love with my cookie monster the same way he's told me he's in love with me."
She stepped back to look directly into his beautifully startled eyes and held his hands gently.
"Would you be my boyfriend?"
Otis nodded, dumbstruck.
"May I kiss you?"
"Yes," he whispered.
She smiled and stepped forward again and softly kissed him and soared as he gently kissed her back.
When their first kiss was over and with Otis' blue eyes shining at her as a soft euphoric smile played across his lips, Maeve gently released his hands and said, "See you later, boyfriend."
She turned and, smiling to herself, walked away. As she passed Eric, who had been valiantly struggling to suppress his squeal, she said, "Don't let him break himself."
Eric smiled broadly and nodded and watched her depart then turned back to Otis who was still reflecting blissfully on their first kiss.
Eric stepped forward and was about to speak but he noticed something and his smile fell away and he stopped and simply stared at Otis until Otis looked at him, quizzically.
"You have a boner."
Author's Notes: Of course he does.
I needed to deal with the canonical result of his first kiss and I needed it to happen before dealing with the events of Episode 1.8 and this was the least stupid thing I could come up with.
Sorry.
